it's a really bad gif but i had to make it

It Hurts Like Hell
                                 - Part V

Kai Parker x Reader
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4
*not my gif


Y/N stared at her phone , unable to speak.
“What is it ?” Kai asked leaning in to see but Y/N turned off her phone and left it back on the nightstand. She could tell him in the morning.
“Nothing.” she said. “I’ll tell you tomorrow.. Right now I just want to be with you.” ***Not telling Kai straight away that Bonnie was back wasn’t the best idea but Y/N realised it too late. The next morning she woke up in Kai’s arms but instead of the usual good morning kiss and heart eyes he usually gave her , the Kai who was holding her was furious and anger was flashing in his eyes. Somehow he always knew when she was awake and there was no point in hiding it. Y/N reached to kiss him but he turned away.
“You know.” she said simply. “I was going to tell you this morning … I’m sorry.”
Kai’s silence was deafening and seemed to stretch on forever.
“Why?” he finally said.
“Because I am selfish.” she said grimly. “And I just wanted to be with you after spending nearly the entire day not knowing where you were or what had happened to you.”  She couldn’t even meet his eyes , whatever happened next was going to be her fault.  A few moments passed in complete silence , then Kai lifted her chin up to make her look at him.
“I’m not mad.” he said. “Well , I am but I also understand why you did that … it doesn’t make it OK and we will talk about this later , but now I have to leave.”
Y/N was more confused than ever. This was bad very very bad but at least he had waited for her to wake up before he leaves , unlike the day before.
“What ? Why ? Were are you going ?” Y/N asked curious , getting up right after Kai.
“I’m going to see Damon. Apparently Bon-Bon stumbled another Prison World…” he said while putting on his shirt. “I’ll be back soon.” Y/N took a few steps towards him and wrapped her hands around him quickly before he has had time to push her away.
“I really am sorry for not telling you earlier.” she mumbled. At first Kai didn’t hug her back and just stood there , then sighed and wrapped his arms around her , burring his face in the crook of her neck. Y/N didn’t want to let go of him but in the end there was no choice , she had to. She walked him to the door and watched him leave , just as she was about to shut the door Kai rushed back and pulled her into a kiss sweeping her off her feet.
“I love you.” he said , turning around and rushing down the stairs before Y/N has had a chance to say a thing.

                             *   *   *  

Classes that day felt like Hell.  Y/N couldn’t concentrate on the lecture and just kept glancing at the clock on her phone waiting for the day to be over. When finally that happened she just couldn’t wait to get home and completely decided to skip over the rave on campus. Last thing she needed was encountering Caroline who had shut her humanity off after her mother’s death.
Kai came home late that night , looking completely crushed. He had seen Bonnie and tried to apologise to her for everything he had done to her in 1994 , but things hadn’t gone well.  Bonnie had refused his apology.  He didn’t even seem to be mad at Y/N anymore.
Later that night she woke up only to find Kai starring at the ceiling with and empty expression , his eyes a little watery. He didn’t notice she had woken up , for a moment she wondered if she should let him know or not.  Kai turned towards her and without saying a word , just pulled her closer to him.
“You can talk to me about it , you know.” she said in a hushed voice. “Sometimes talking helps.”
Kai caressed her cheek and gave her a small smile.
“I can’t stop thinking about Bonnie…” he said.Y/N felt a little crack in her heart as Kai said those words.  She knew there was nothing there , but it still hurt her a bit. “All the things I did to her back in 1994… How I lied to her and left her all alone…” he trailed off.
Y/N snuggled closer to him.
“I want to try apologising to her again. I need her forgiveness…” he said , sadness in his voice. Kai fell silent for a long moment.  "Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?“ he asked.
Y/N thought about it. Bonnie was a forgiving person , but this time Y/N had no idea what her friend would do. There was a high possibility that Bonnie wouldn’t forgive him after all the things he had done to her.
“I don’t know …” she said finally. The next morning she found him in the living room buried in a bunch of old looking books.
“Morning.” Y/N said , resting against the door frame still in her pj’s which were one of Kai’s t-shirts.
“Hi.” he said smiling. It felt so nice to see him smile again. “Sorry , I’m a little busy babe , be with you in a jiffy.”
Y/N smiled and walked towards him to sit on the couch. She waited patiently until he was finished before talking to him. The books he was looking through looked somewhat familiar - latin writing , pentagrams and symbols drawn on the pages. Suddenly it hit her - those were grimoars. She brought up her knees wrapping her hands around them gazing at Kai. He looked nothing like the broken person he had been the night before. A moment later Kai turned towards her noticing how she had positioned herself on the couch.
“That’s very distracting.” he said smiling and leaned in to kiss her , putting his hand on her clasped hands, slowly trailing down her knee and sliding under her shirt his fingertips trailing on her tigh.  
“Oh … Kai…” she said , pushing him back on the couch climbing on top of him. His hands on her hips.
“Can’t help it.” he said pulling her closer to him. “You look so sexy wearing my shirt.” he whispered. Y/N felt her cheeks blush.
“So , what is all this about ?” she asked curious.
Kai sighed and pushed her off him , a serious look on his face.
“It’s about that other Prison World. You friend Caroline forced Stephan to shut off his humanity and Damon wants to get his mother out of 1903 so she can get his brother to flip it back.” he said , flipping another page. “Just have to find the right spell and the Ascendant… ”*    *   *
“You don’t have to do any of this , Kai.” Y/N said as he was about to leave for the Salvatore house. Kai and Damon had come to an agreement of sorts - Kai will do the spell to send them to 1903 as long as Bonnie goes along so he can prove to her he has changed. “I don’t want you to do this.” she said finally.
All day Y/N has had a pit in her stomach and a bad feeling about this whole thing. She knew her friends and their sudden behaviour change towards Kai seemed more suspicious to her than anything.
“I want to.” he said placing his hands on her waist pulling her closer to him. “I’ll be back in no time. Stefan will get his humanity which will lead to Caroline getting back hers and … maybe then Bon-Bon will that I have changed and forgive me for all the things I did to her.” he sounded so optimistic for a moment Y/N forgot about that bad feeling she had. Kai really wanted to make things right, she just hoped her friends had pure intentions towards him.
Y/N put her hands on Kai’s chest , feeling his heartbeat.
“Come back to me …” she whispered as Kai lifted her chin to make her look at him. Kai smiled , the most beautiful smile in the world capable of turning even the grayest day around. He pressed his lips against hers , burying his head in the crook of her neck.
“I will. Its a promise.” he said softly. “I love you.”
“I love you too , Kai.”
Y/N didn’t want to let go of him , she just wanted to for them to stay frozen in time - together.  Kai let go of her hand and she watched him go through the door , a part of her heart shattering. Something didn’t feel right.     
                                                     *   *   *

Y/N waited and waited for Kai to come back that night. She called him a few times but it said “no signal” . Finally she couldn’t take it anymore and headed for the Salvatore’s , anger building up inside her with every passing moment. She pulled over and got out of the car trying to calm down - anger wouldn’t accomplish much.“Bonnie Bennett…” Y/N said walking into the Salvatore house. “Care to explain what you have done with my boyfriend?” she could barely contain her anger. 

Ever since Kai didn’t come home and Y/N had tried to call him over a dozen times without any luck … she knew something had happened. Specially considering Bonnie was standing before her , along with Damon who was pouring himself a drink.
Bonnie glanced at Damon who just raised his glass and drank it all at once.
“Where. Is. He.” Y/N nearly hissed at Bonnie.
“He is gone Y/N. You are not going to see him ever again.” Bonnie said calmly.
Y/N scoffed and rolled her eyes. Unbelievable. All Kai had wanted was to help them and earn Bonnie’s forgiveness and what did he get in the end ? He got stabbed in the back.
Y/N gave Bonnie a slap on the cheek so hard the sound echoed for half a minute in the house.
“I can’t believe you Bonnie , you too Damon. How could you do this to him? To me ?” she yelled at them. “All he wanted was your forgiveness and you had to stab him in the back because you couldn’t get it through your skull that he had  changed!”
“Kai hurt people , Y/N. He hurt me and even you ! People like him never change.” said Bonnie with the same calm voice not even phased by the slap she had just received.
Y/N shook her head. “You are such a hypocrite , both of you ! Judging him as if you’ve never done a bad thing in your life. Unbelievable. Damon gets what he wants no matter who gets hurt in the process , isn’t it ?”
“It’s for your own good too , Y/N.” said Damon. “Bonnie is right -”
“Shut up , Damon! I don’t want to hear another word from any of you.” she snapped back at him.
“Need I remind you he kidnapped you , stabbed you and left you for dead and if it wasn’t because of the merge you would be dead right now.” Damon said. “Then that time at the bar when he nearly killed that guy for looking at you the wrong way. Or maybe when I had to pull him off of you because he had his hands wrapped around your neck ready to kill you.”  
Y/N scoffed. Kai had a temper , yes , but the time Damon had pulled him off of her was an accident. Kai had felt so bad about it later , he was willing to do anything to make her forgive him and she had. Their relationship had had a rough beginning but Kai had proven over and over to her that he had changed … and whatever else he did - he wouldn’t hurt her. Not intentionally. Never.
“You are both absolutely delusional ! Kai is different around me , he would never hurt me , he might be new at feelings but I know he cares about me and loves me in his own way. And I love him just the way he is.” she said , trying to fight tears back. “Either bring him back or give me the Ascendant for 1903 and I will find someone to bring him back.” Y/N said starring at both of them , her hands crossed on her chest.

“They can’t.” said a female voice behind her.
Y/N turned around to find a middle aged woman with red hair dressed in clothes from the previous century.
“Who are you ?” Y/N asked confused.
“I am Lilly Salvatore. Damon and Stefan’s mother.” she said calmly.
Oh so that’s her. Great. Another problem to deal with. she thought. Kai had told her about the reason the 1903 prison world was created. Lilly and her friends - vampire witch heretics , had left so many dead bodies the Gemini coven had felt obligated to put a stop to all the bloodshed and had sent them away.
“Look , Lilly was it ? I need that Ascendant. Your son and his little sidekick ditched my boyfriend there and I want him back.” Y/N said slightly annoyed.
Lilly smiled at her. A genuine smile which caught Y/N a little of guard. She had half expected Lilly to jump at her and threaten her or something.
“That won’t be a problem. My friends are still there and Damon promised me we’ll to go back to get them. We can get your boyfriend back when that happens.” Lilly said with a smile.
Y/N turned towards Damon , eyebrows raised and a sarcastic smile on her face.
“Oh did he now… ” she said. Unbelievable , Damon was willing to cross his own mother just to get rid of Kai.  Y/N turned towards Lilly. “Good luck. Your son is a backstabbing l-”
She didn’t get to finish the sentence because Damon rushed over to her , putting his hand on her mouth.
“Excuse her , mother. She is upset about her boyfriend - the murderous psycho we left back in 1903.” Damon said.  Y/N tried to move his hand from her mouth but couldn’t. Finally she stepped on his foot with such a force he backed away a few steps , groaning in pain. She shot Damon a glare , wishing she could strangle him and turned towards Lilly.
“My name is Y/N.” she said picking a piece of paper from the desk near by. “Here is my phone number. Call me when your son decides to get your friends out of 1903.” she said and left the house closing the front door with a bang so loud it knocked over a painting near the door.


MASTERLIST March / April 2017 


AN: I think that this request is very beautiful and heart warming, it put such a smile on my face to get it! Thank you to the anon that came up with this amazing request! I hope you will like it! *I do not own the gif, and please ignore any spelling errors! Xoxoxoxo :3

Pairing: Steve X Reader

Prompt: Hello I was wondering if you could do a Reader x Steve one shot where the reader is a civilian. She helped when Bucky came back and she’s always there to listen( even research each place he’s sent on missions so that he can know the beauty and not just horrors of a place). She’s proved to him that he could have a home in a world he didn’t think he belonged in.

((It starts out after the first movie, then jumps a few times, each jump bringing you eventually after Age of Ultron. I hope you do not get confused… ALSO this is going to be more from Steve “point of view”, just fyi))



~After the battle in New York~

The streets of New York City would never look the same to him again after the battle. Every street corner he turned, he practically relived the fight. But, he was consistently reminded that he was not the only one suffering. Shops and restaurants were still buried in rubble, people’s lives suddenly were thrown into complete chaos.

S.H.I.E.L.D had taken no public responsibility for the destruction seeing as the New Yorkers were easy to point fingers at the aliens that had come instead f the Avengers that helped save them. Still, Steve felt bad. As he walked along the sidewalks he saw people struggling to stay afloat and rebuild their lives, and all because they were caught in the middle of a fight that was not even theirs.

Steve kicked a loose piece of pavement around as he walked down the street, his hands shoved in his pockets and a baseball cap covering his eyes as he looked down. He didn’t want anyone to recognize him, he just wanted to blend in and pretend to be a normal New Yorker, even just for a few minutes.

He came across a broken, crumbling café. It didn’t look much different than many of the other stores around, but the thing that grabbed his interest was the girl that was in it. Through the broken glass windows and piled of drywall and brick, he could see a girl with her hands gripping a heavy chunk of cement, her legs wobbling as she tried to move it across the small café.

Steve contemplated for a second, then walked through a hole in the front of the shop where he had assumed the door had once been. “That looks heavy.” He commented.

The girl looked up for a moment, then grunted and quickly set it back down. She brushed the fly-away hairs out of her face. “Just a little.”

Steve walked over and around ruble to get to the girl, then picked up the cement at her feet easily. “Where did you want this?”

She looked up at Steve with wide eyes then gestured over to a pile of debris in the back corner of the shop. 

He set it down, never breaking a sweat. “Can I help you pick anything else up?”

She looked at him for a second, then drummed her fingers along her chin thoughtfully. “You aren’t from around here, are you?”

Steve grinned. “I used to live in Brooklyn, but I don’t anymore. Why’d you ask?”

“Because,” She explained as she scooped up some of the smaller rocks lying around on the floor and walked them over to the pile. “Most New Yorkers don’t have enough time on their hands to go around helping other people, they’re too busy rebuilding their own homes to worry about the homes of others.”

“What can I say, I enjoy helping others.” Steve grinned at her.

“So, what’s your name?” Steve asked.

“Y/N.” She answered, “What about yours?”

He laughed. “Steve.”

“Steve, hm. You look familiar…” She commented whilst walking up to him, trying to get a closer look at his face.

Steve clumsily backed up and nearly fell over some of the rocks and rubble. “I doubt that you’d recognize me, you know, with the city being as big as it is and all.”

She shrugged and grabbed a broom that was leaning against the wall and began to sweep the dust together.

“Why don’t you hire help?” Steve asked as it occurred to him that this girl was the only one picking up in the shop.

“Can’t afford it.” She said bluntly. “I practically sold my soul just to get this café. It’s been my dream ever since I was a little kid, I always wanted to own my own little store on the busy streets of New York City. My parents told me that it was a dumb plan, not very practical. But, still I decided to drop out of school and jump on a train to New York with every cent that I had saved up.”

The girl shook her head and wiped the sweat the began to bead on her forehead. “It was a stupid choice when I look back on it.”

“No,” Steve said softly. “I know what its like to want something that bad and being told that you can’t.”

She looked up at Steve and a small smile graced her lips, but then she looked down and frowned again. “Things were really starting to turn around, I was starting to finally make up all of the money that I spent on this place. Business was looking good. But,” She sighed. “then, aliens decided to attack the city, and now my dream is in ruins.”

Steve knew that what the aliens did to her shop wasn’t her fault, yet he still felt guilty for what she was going through. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop them from wrecking this place.”

She looked up at him with a questioning face, then it clicked. Her broom fell from her fingertips. “You…you are Captain America!”

His eyes widened when he realized his mistake, then he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Yes, but I’d prefer it if you called me Steve.”

She shook her head, her cheeks flushing. “I’m sorry, you must have better things to do than hear my sob story and pick up rocks.”

“No way.” Steve smirked at her and continued to grab bricks and cement blocks from the floor. “And if it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to hear more about you.”


Steve walked into Y/N’s café, the bell hanging over her door let off a small ding.

“Y/N?” Steve called as he closed the door behind him. “Are you here?”

She popped out from behind the counter where she had been putting some of the baked goods in the glass display case.

“Steve!” She ran out from behind the counter and jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly. “I know that you said you would come over, but I thought maybe they had made you leave early or something because you weren’t showing up…”

Steve’s face flushed a light rose color when she kissed his cheek, though he knew she meant it only in a friendly way.

She pulled away from him and led him over to one of the small café tables. She flipped the sign on her door over to say “closed” and grabbed some of the muffins and pastries from the glass case and put the on a dish at the table where Steve sat.

“Oh, Y/N, I can’t eat those, you made them to sell-”

“Oh, it’s no big deal.” She interrupted with a goofy grin, one that Steve had come to love and miss while he was on missions.

After his meeting Y/N for the first time, he couldn’t get her out of his mind. He managed to convince S.H.I.E.L.D. to pay her some of the money she needed to stay afloat by saying that it was only fair considering it was partly the Avenger’s fault that her shop was like that. Which, as it turned out, wasn’t a complete lie. It was Iron Man’s bombs that had exploded in front of her shop, leaving it crumbling.

Steve kept coming back for cups of coffee and desserts (always leaving large tips, of course), and soon after became really close friends with Y/N. It wasn’t long before she was helping him prepare for missions and letting him vent about S.H.I.E.L.D.. She was even there for him when he came back from fighting Bucky, holding him in her arms when he cried or couldn’t hold himself up. It was around that time that he realized that he was completely, hopelessly in love with her.

“I have the file for you, just hold on.” She informed him as she placed a steaming cup of black coffee (his favorite) on the table. He watched her run to the backroom of the shop where he knew the stairs up to her apartment was. Sometimes, he wished that he could just tell Y/N how he felt, and live in the small apartment with her and help her run the café. He wished that his life was a little simpler and that he didn’t have to run off and fight all the time.

She jogged back into the room and pushed her hair out of her face as she handed the folder to him.

“The Slovakian town your heading to is in extreme tension right now.” Y/N explained as Steve leafed through the file. All sorts of pictures and information was piled in it. Y/N voluntarily decided to do research on every place that Steve went so that he had a grasp on the area and its people, and also so he is reminded that they are people and not just enemies. “There are riots popping up, they are extremely opposed to Stark, and presumably anyone associated with him. Like you, for example.”

Steve set the papers down and rubbed his temples. “Great.”

“But, their culture is so beautiful.” Y/N said with a softer voice, her eyes lighting up. “They are such a proud people with an amazing sense of unity and protectiveness over their country.”

Steve’s insides felt warm and he could feel his chest tightening. He looked at the clock and sighed, scooping up all the papers.

“I’ve got to go, the team leaves first thing tomorrow. I’ll finish reading the file before I go to bed.” He said regretfully as he gulped down the rest of his coffee.

She got up and grabbed him a little doggie baggie to put the rest of the baked goods in and handed it to him. “Be careful, Steve.”

“I always am, Y/N.” He said and kissed her on the cheek, she really was his best friends.

“I know you are, but…” She rubbed her arms, something Steve had noticed her to do when she got uncomfortable or upset. “…this Ultron guy, he’s pretty strong right? It scares me to think that you have to fight him. You were already in Slovakia once to get Loki’s scepter and the team took a pretty big beating, I just don’t like the idea of you having to go back.”

“Nothing will happen to me, Y/N.” He said with a fake smile stretched out uncomfortably on his lips. “Nothing ever does.”

“Just don’t go thinking that you’re bigger than you are, okay?”

“Never, Y/N. Never.”


Steve’s feet dragged as he headed down the block that he had walked down a million times before. The stars were dotted over the dark New York City sky, they glittered and glistened much like Y/N’s eyes.

He needed to see her.

He went to open the café door, but it was locked. Of course it is, it’s the middle of the night!

Steve felt the tears prick at his eyes as he leaned his forehead against the cool door. God, he felt stupid. Stupid and empty.

“Steve? Is that you?”

He jerked his head up and saw Y/N leaning out of her apartment window and looking down at him.

He heard her run down the stairs and saw lights being flicked on as she made her way to him. She unlocked the door and flung it open, her eyes widened when she saw the tears falling from his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were back from Slovakia? Did you defeat Ultron?” She asked as she tugged him inside and wrapped her arms around him.

He didn’t respond verbally, he just nodded. He hadn’t felt this hallow since…well, since Bucky.

“Baby, what happened?” She whispered to him.

He dug his face in her messy hair and took her scent in, taking a little comfort in it. “I…I really shouldn’t be crying. Out of everyone on the team, I shouldn’t be the one crying.”

“What do you mean, Steve? What happened?”

“One of our newest teammates, Pietro Maximoff, was shot. He died.” Steve said, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I didn’t know him all that well, but…”

“But…?” She pressed on.

“He has a twin sister, and she’s a mess. Her other half is gone, she’s broken. The whole thing reminds me too much of all the people I have lost, all the friends and family, and how alone I am.”

She was silent for a second, and he felt a tear roll down her cheek. Her hands rubbed circles in his back.

“Steve, you aren’t alone.” She said softly. Her voice was like music to him, it soothed his soul and took him far away friend reality, yet still somehow kept him grounded.

“Steve, I love you.”

Steve’s eyes widened as he pulled away to look at her face. “You…love me?”

She smiled and nodded, the tears falling down her face freely. She stood on her tip toes and pressed her lips against his.

She felt so real, too real to be a dream. To real to be a lie.

For the first time in a very long time, he knew that everything was going to be okay, because he knew he was home.


‘Til you love me.


Phew. Man 2014 was a big year. SO much work. 

  I started the year at a very crappy job. I remember calling my friend in tears about how terrible it was on most days. Since then I had quit my horrible job and got a much better one. I took my health seriously and got in shape, losing 25 pounds this year. I purchased a completely new workstation (cintiq included!). Bought my first car!  Drew and animated more then I ever have before, even making a decent portion of my earnings by freelancing! I even got to visit L.A for Thanksgiving.

  It wasn’t without it’s bad parts, my father was really ill though most of the year, I had injured my wrist from overworking and since the majority of my friends moved out of state I had to re-learn enjoying my own company. 

  However I achieved most of my goals and really learned self discipline this year. It had its rough points, like really really sucky points. However, I grew a lot. I learned to take care of myself emotionally and mentally, began caring about my appearance and started dressing nice.

I just really gained some confidence and grew to love myself. 

So my Goals for 2015-

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