it's too long

19 years later...
  • Ron: So that's little Scorpius.
  • Harry: Yes. He's quite adorable, actually.
  • Ron: How would you know?
  • Harry: He comes to our house a lot... to play with Albus.
  • Ron: He does?
  • Harry: Yeah. Draco usually accompanies him... to play with me.
  • Ron: Draco? Since when do you call him Draco? And what do you mean, 'play'?
  • Harry: Usually Quidditch.
  • Ron: Oh thank god! For a minute there I thought-
  • Harry: We usually do it in the shower afterwards.
  • Ron: WHAT?
  • Harry: *snickering* Ginny always chastises us for being too loud.
  • Ron: *turning to Ginny* How can you be okay with this?
  • Ginny: *shrugs* Who am I to stand in the way of true love?
  • Draco: *walking up to them* Potter!
  • Harry: Malfoy! *starts making out with him passionately*
  • Ron: *just stares*
  • James: Bloody buggar! Dad is making out with Mr. Malfoy... again! Guys, it's been like ten minutes since you last snogged! Get a grip!
  • Albus: Come on, Dad! Not on the platform.
  • Lilly: Mum, I think it's time you found a boyfriend, too. Dad seems really happy.
  • Ginny: He really does, doesn't he, honey?
  • Ron: *still staring*
  • Draco: *grabs Harry's arse*
  • Ron: *getting close to a heart attack*
  • Me: *smiling contentedly* All was well.
3

Late Night Snacks || 1:30 AM || Redbone 

“In my opinion, Coke is great from a can, still good from a bottle, yet hard to get just right from the fountain. But oh, when you do get it right, it tastes good enough to be an eighth wonder of the world.” 

4

we finally have a girl who does :”^) 

take a look 👀👀👀 at this! that ➡️right ➡️ there is the mail. ✉️✉️ can we talk about the mail ✉️✉️ please, mac 💻? i’ve been dying 🤒🤢 to talk about the mail ✉️✉️ with you all day, okay 👌🏽? pepe 🐸🐸 silvia. this name keeps coming ⬆️up ⬆️ over and over again. every day, pepe’s mail ✉️ is getting sent 📪 back to me. pepe 🐸🐸silvia. pepe 🐸🐸 silvia. i look 👀 in the mail ✉️, well THIS WHOLE BOX 📦 IS PEPE 🐸 SILVIA!! so i say to myself, i gotta 🔎find 🔎 this guy. i gotta go ⬆️up⬆️ to his office 🏢. i gotta put his mail ✉️ in the guy’s goddamn ✋🏽hands ✋🏽otherwise he’s never gonna get it. he’s gonna keep coming ⬇️down⬇️ here. so i go ⬆️up⬆️ to pepe’s office 🏢 and what do i 🔎find🔎 out, mac 🍔? what do i 🔎find🔎 out? there is no 🐸pepe🐸 silvia. THE 👨🏻MAN 👨🏻DOES NOT ❌❌ EXIST. okay, so i decided ohhh 💩shit💩buddy. i gotta ⚒dig⚒ a little deeper📉. there’s no 🐸pepe 🐸silvia? you gotta be 😂kidding 😂 me. i got boxes📦📦 full of 🐸pepe🐸. alright, so i start 🏃🏽marching 🏃🏽my way ⬇️down ⬇️to carol💁🏽 in HR. and i ✊🏻knock✊🏻 on her door🚪 and i say “💁🏽💁🏽CAAAROL💁🏽. 💁🏽💁🏽CAAAAAAAROL. 💁🏽💁🏽 i gotta talk to you about 🐸pepe🐸.” and when i open the 🚪door, 🚪what do i find? 🤔🤔🤔there’s ❌not ❌a single goddamn 🗄desk 🗄in that office🏢! THERE. IS. ❌NO. ❌CAROL 💁🏽IN💁🏽 HR. 🍔mac💻, half the employees in this 🏢building 🏢 have been made up. this office is a goddamn 👻ghost👻 town.

Amy Schumer: “I’M SUCH A WHORE!! MY VAGINA IS BIG AND HAS LOTS OF FLAPS!! I’M GROSS! LET ME TALK ABOUT HOW BAD MY VAGINA SMELLS!! MEN ARE FUCKING GROSS, RIGHT? LETS GET POLITICAL REAL QUICK! NOM NOM NOM FEED ME DICK AND CUM!!!!”

Amy Schumer: “My special has a 1 star rating because of trolls and the alt-right!!“

2

hey @eightmonkeys , y’know that au where laurens lives??? i can totally dig that :^^)))

AU where instead of going to Samwell, Jack starts a widely successful Publicly Broadcast show for children.

Jack learns that he is great with kids after coaching them for a little over two years. Moreover, kids are good with Jack. There is no pressure to be anything other than who he is.


It all starts with a local news program doing a fluff piece on Jack Zimmermann’s coaching ability. But then it turned into something completely different when Jack skated onto camera and started to introduce every single one of his kids and what was special about them. He was…really enchanting actually. He didn’t ever really talk down to them. Jack just treated them as a tiny friend. 

They ARE his tiny friends, but that’s not the point. 

The footage they got of “snack time” was really the best. Imagine a good 16 kids piled around this massive man teaching them the best way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

 It should have been obvious that a local channel would contact him. It still surprises Jack. They want him to host a show? Why? Everyone always teased him about how impersonable he was during interviews. Is it because he’s Jack Zimmermann’s son? Or Alicia’s? 

Jack asks all of these questions to his mother and she just laughs. “You made a PB&J interesting to 16 kids just by being you”

Jack figures it wouldn’t hurt to give it a shot. 

Keep reading

Overwatch Outfit-Swap: Genji and Zenyatta 

[Requests by @morethanlittlesinister , as well as several anons] 

FINALLY. 

Finally, there are robots robot boyfriends who wear each other’s clothes. (Clothes? Pieces?) 

I’m sorry this one too so long, since most of you know I’ve been dealing with chained concussions on and off for over a year. Still, this was such a joy to do, because Zenyatta is my sweet boy - and now looks like General Grievous’ jedi cousin. 

Genji looks a bit odd to me still, and don’t even get me started on how Zenyatta taught him to float… But I took a fair amount of artistic liberties with their designs since neither of them have full reference for the parts of their bodies that aren’t covered? It’s like they planned this. 

ANYWAY ENJOY. 

Thank you all for the submissions! 

[Requests for Overwatch Outfit Swaps are CLOSED]