it would be unsanitary

confession

i have a legit petrifying fear of maggots. or uh. what’re thos things called..grubs..thos large fat maggot lookin’ bros…i get so dizzy when i see them and it is a primal fear so intense i cannot compare it to anythihng besides the wrath of god himself

I’m reading about Twilight again and the blogger is at the part where Edward is sitting in Bella’s room and waiting for her to shower and brush her teeth and whatnot, and the blogger is talking about the thematic implications of the fact that Meyer never spends a lot of time talking about food or the actual experiential differences between being a human and being a vampire

but I’m just stuck on the fact that neither Edward nor Bella seems to notice in this scene that Bella has to pee and poop, because vampire senses in Twilight are canonically good enough that he would absolutely be able to hear and smell that. Does Bella just never use the bathroom when Edward’s in the house? Does he sit there listening to her pee, politely not mention it once she’s back in the room, and hope it won’t cross her mind later? Doesn’t either of them find this a little gross and unromantic?

         ‘ it feels so damn good to finally be back in new york ! i’ve missed my bed, and the korean food, and the busy streets, and all these yellow cabs everywhere ! i would kiss the ground, but that’s so unsanitary why would i even think of that ? anyways, i spent a long week in bora bora and now i feel like i could take on every challenge that might come my way, but enough about me. how have you been ? any good parties i should know about ? ’ 

listen. in fics, keith works out a lot. so where’s the fic where everyones goin on at him + lance and about how they need to bond, so sweaty stinky just-finished-training keith is like “you know what. thats a great idea. lance. let us hug” and lance is like wtf ew no but everyones nodding along all “yes. good idea, keith” so keith just wraps his arms around lance and wipes sweat all over him

2

JASPER: And then we found the toe in his pocket, covered in blood! Apparently his dog bit it off and he was saving it for later. Isn’t that awesome?!
ROWAN: As much as I love hearing about homeless emergency room patients and severed toes, shut up and eat your soup, Busby.

I would like to put into perspective that once when I was stoned the word potato sent me into a literal 4 minuet laughing fit where I almost threw up - and did fall off the couch onto the hardwood floor where my friends pomeranian proceeded to sit on my stomach and bark with her tongue hanging out making me continue laughing for 3 more minuets

I’m stoned now, on the same weed, haven’t laughed once at the sausage party script