it was the ~start of something new~

CALM DOWN ABOUT NET NEUTRALITY.

Don’t worry. They still have to go to court.

But guess what? There’s something you didn’t know about the vote.

Get this: the vote was basically illegal.

You heard me right. Eric Schneiderman, American lawyer, said in Twitter: “I will sue to stop the FCC’s illegal rollback of #netneutrality. New Yorkers and all Americans deserve a free and open internet.”

Not only do we have another ally, but now we know that the vote wasn’t supposed to happen.

We’ve got this. Now the REAL FIGHT starts now.

Start of Something New - PT 2

Bucky X Reader

A/N: Ok I am a miserable writer that takes too long to post things. Here is part 2. To make it up I tried to make it as long as possible to apologize. Tags are still open and I’m addicted to comments it helps me write faster. HINT HINT. Hope you enjoy. 

Warnings: Fluff and Shenanigans 

Life seemed to have hit a reset button. You woke up the following morning with Skipper on your back squeezing the air out of your lungs. You felt a smile emerge on your face, he always seemed to know when you were feeling down. With no heart to move him, you reach for your phone opening the usual apps, clearing notifications as you went.

Finally the need to pee out weighed the cuteness that was your cat. Rolling over, Skipper attempted to stay in position by walk with you. He gives up and jumps to the ground meowing his need to be fed. You swish your hand at him, he knew better, pee first, then food.

Going about the usual motions, you are determined to have a great day. Hopping in your vehicle, you turn the radio up jamming to the tunes and singing your heart out. By the time you reached the staff entrance to the compound, you were dancing. You greeted people walking through the kitchen back to your usual self, it was as if your smile was contagious, every person you came in contact with had a smile growing on their face.

The mood continued through setting up your station up for lunch and dinner. By the time the doors opened singing could be heard up and down the line. There was nothing that could spoil your mood, with the grill hot and toppings piled up it was time for the lunch rush.

The usuals came up, you greeted each by name and started their order. The difference between yesterday and today was that you delved into each person’s lives. Asking about their families and  how certain things were going, couple of them had been on diets and looking good. Again each person you complimented and made sure that they got the extra mile treatment. It seemed that the more people noticed that you were in a good mood the longer your line got.

This kept you busy for the next few hours, but it flew by to say the least. Suddenly you saw a new group begin to shuffle their way in. It was the new recruits fresh out of classes and training. You felt yourself cringe pausing for a moment and hoping they went to another station.

Mentally slapping yourself for thinking this way you greet them all and begin to throw extra burgers on the grill. The first with dusty blond hair, an incredibly sharp jawline, and muscles for miles, sauntered up. He leaned forward on your glass.

“Ah, the big one is back. Any chance you can whip me up a turkey burger. Whole wheat bun, arugula, LITE mayo, and no cheese. That is if making it won’t make you out of breath and you sweat all over my burger.” He sneered at you, judging every inch of you.

“Can do, Sir. Would you like your bun toasted?” You don’t give in to the jab merely choosing to ignore it. He nods before stomping off. “Hey Richard, how’s it going? You have a vacation coming up. France, yes?”

Richard is the lead trainer in tactical systems. He dealt with all the new trainees and he was the one that decided whether they stayed or never had a future in the company. He walks up to the station while you prep his burger, mushroom and swiss on brioche. “Hey (Y/N), yes I am and let me tell you. These new trainees are killing me, absolute crap can’t keep a freaking order straight in their heads. I swear the next one I see I may just tear their head off.” You can see the rude man from earlier backing up slowly and trying not to make himself known. “Everyone being good to you? Got to keep my girl happy. Makes the best burgers in the world, though don’t tell my wife that. I really want to go on this vacation.”

You give a chuckle seeing the obvious signs overprotection. “Of course, having a good day. Little rough yesterday, just wasn’t feeling the day. Having a good day today. Got time to cuddle my boy before I came to work, always makes my day that much better.”

“Of course, of course. I had kids as cute as yours my day would be made everyday.” Richard chuckled.

Pulling the turkey burger off the grill you place the burger on the bun making sure everything was in place. The trainee inched forward, toward the glass. “is this enough mayo for you?” Once again he nods his head. “Would you like a side, I have a nice pasta salad, whole wheat pasta in an olive oil base.”

He quirked his head, “Um, I don’t know.” He seems hesitant.

You grab a small plastic cup. “Here try a little,” You pass off the sample off to him. “It has tomatoes, rosemary, and olives.” He knocks it back, nodding his head  quickly.

“That’s really good. i will have a side of that.”

“Oh, awesome, this is a new recipe I was trying out. Here, you go I added a little extra let me know if you want a box for the leftovers.”

“Awesome, thank you so much.” He holds his hand out to grab the plate. “Hey I’m Devon. Sorry about earlier, it was rude.”

“No worries, I’m (Y/N). Let me know if you need anything I’m pretty much always here anyway.” Richard nods his head in agreement. “I should just move in but no pets allowed. Just don’t tell Tony, he would have me moving here in a moment.” Devon nodded and thanked you once more before heading to the eating area.

As if the devil himself had emerged, Tony strutted in. “I totally heard that, now when can you moved in?” You shake your head at him once again.

“Once again Tony, I’m not giving up my children just because you want to eat my food all the time. I won’t do it, they are family.”

“Ok, what if i break the rule just for you. They could be official cats. Our mascots of sorts, you could stay with the rest of the team. Please, I need your food in my life constantly.”

“Oh, really” You shoot an eyebrow up questioning his motives. “Here I thought you actually liked me for my charming personality and smoking hot good looks. But no merely my food alright I see you Sir. Then my answer is no, not even heck no.”

“Oh, you’re breaking my heart, Sweetheart.” He clutched his heart in mock pain.

“Now, Tony what you having today? Want a patty melt, i got some fantastic rye bread that will go perfectly.” You start to assemble Richard’s sandwich while Tony makes up his mind. “Richard, anything else to ease the pain of the new recruits?”

“I need nothing but your love and maybe some of that pasta salad, looks darn good. To Go please.” You chuckle at him while placing everything in the box. You reach to the side and place a handful of housemade chips in the containers.

You wink at him, “Pasta makes up for the day and those get you through the rest, buddy.” You pass the box over.

“Thank you, dear. I’ll see you tomorrow, yes?”

“Same time, same place, same channel.” You turn to place the hamburger on the grill. You wave Richard off, before confronting Tony. “So….. where is the rest of your merry gang? Should I be expecting them  anytime soon?”

“Nope, they are out and about doing Avengery things. In fact the reason I came down here was to see if I could snatch you away for the evening. I would like a good home cooked meal from my favorite chef in the world.”

He heads to the kitchen door casually walking in like he owned the place, well he really did but seriously. You take the waiting guest orders while Tony hammers out details in the back. Nothing to exciting happens though, Tony seems to be taking his time on getting things all figured out, though knowing him he is just chatting up the assistant manager, a busty blonde with not so many brains but a friendly person nonetheless. You had cleared everyone out and Tony’s meal packaged and ready to go, you even managed to assemble a chicken sandwich for Pepper by the time he reemerged.

“You are in the clear, come up at 3ish, make sure lunch rush and dinner are all squared away before you leave. Then though you are mine.” He had a slight smirk on his face.

“What are you planning, Tony?” You eyed him as he came back to the front of your station. He was up to something but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. He merely chuckles at you. “Here you go all ready, and take this to Pepper.” Lord knows she never willingly stop to eat when she had to venture out here, too much to do.

The rest of your shift soon came to an end, luckily with no more snobby trainees. With everything set and ready to go, you removed your apron and headed out. Weaving through the busy halls you are met with an occasional comment about them letting you out of your cave.

It was a good feeling getting to see the afternoon sun for once. You go as far as to remove your hat and let your hair down. It feels so much better to loosen up for once while still at work. Arriving at your destination you remove your jacket and hang it over your arm.

The team had gathered in the main living area. You go to put your hand up to wave at them when Nat pulled a gun on you.

“What are you doing here? Only authorized personnel are allowed up here. So I ask who are you?” She stands between you and the team.

You raise your hands showing that you had nothing on you. “And here I thought i would cook you all a great meal, but if I’m going to be threatened the whole time  I’m here I’m going back to the kitchen.” You see the moment it hits them, the shock and surprise.

You start to turn around, pretending to head out. “(Y/N)? (Y/N), is that really you?” Steve stood up and approached you slowly. He carefully examined your face, to help him out you pulled your hair out of your face. He quickly pulled you into a hug while Nat lowered her gun, finally sure that it was you.

“Dang girl, your a genuine spy. No one here would have pegged you. Though almost got your head blown off.” Sam is laughing on the sidelines nudging Visions shoulder.

“Well now that we have established that I don’t need to be shot, who wants to help me cook dinner, and by that I mean keep me company and chop veggies as I need them.” You head to the kitchen area while the others shifted to face you working.

You had found an apron in the pantry that seemed to have big enough strings to tie behind you. You couldn’t help but to notice the other cute aprons in there, but knowing without a doubt that they would never fit and make it look like you were wearing a child’s apron as you spilled out the sides.

Once more pushing these thoughts aside you search the area for ingredients. You really didn’t have anything planned just yet but you needed to see what was here so you could do what you did best. Create.

You were focused on what you were doing that you had not noticed a certain super soldier slip onto the bar stool in front of you.

“Hey, good lookin’, what’s cookin?” He purrs leaning on the counter. Your hand jerks, almost taking some of your knuckle off. “Woah, didn’t mean to startle you, just surprised to see you up here.”

“He… Hello.” You stutter, for some reason it had totally forgotten the fact that he lived here. You didn’t prepare to see him. Your shirt was one of your most comfy, which meant it was threadbare and practically see through, it wasn’t meant to be seen especially by HIM.

At this point you could be placed in a museum as a statue with how stiff you were. You finally unfroze when Bucky waved his hand in front of your face.

“You alright, you almost cut your finger off there?” He reached for your hand.

Quickly you jerked your hand back, “Oh, I…I’m alright. Just… Just appreciating having all my fingers.” Man you could slap yourself right now. It was only Bucky, get your act together. You were mentally berating yourself over your foolish behavior.

Tapping your knife against the cutting board you continue your work, it gave you an excellent excuse not to look at him. “You somehow managed to sneak up on me, though I should be used to it considering how many times you’ve done it in the cafeteria.” You pause again., “I got it, you need a bell, that way you won’t be able to be so quiet.”

“You do realize  I’m not a cat, right?”

“Oh, but i think you would make a perfect cat. Besides it is for your own protection. I mean really one of these days I’m going to throw this knife at you.”

He chuckles, “I doubt you could do much damage to me. Do you even know how to throw a knife properly?”

“Hey it can’t be that hard, I mean I have good knife skills. Hey Nat?” You swing your head in her direction, only to find the group had been staring at you, watching this little interaction. Nat currently had what could only be described as an evil smirk plastered on her face.  “What? What’s wrong?”

“Oh nothing, just taking in a moment, you know you really should just move in, you belong in that kitchen. Now you had a question for me?” The chuckle in her voice became even more evident as she continued talking.

“Oh yeah, think you could teach me to throw a knife. I need to teach Mittens over here about not sneaking up on me.” You hitch your thumb, pointing at the culprit next to you.  

“Mittens?” The guys are cracking up. Each alreadying taunting him with the information; Here kitty, kitty and meows coming from behind Nat. “I’m sure I can teach you, from what I’ve seen I see quite the potential in you for that kind of thing.”

“So what will it be Sir, the bell or a knife in the stomach?” You turn mocking him.

He merely smiles at you. “Take your best shot, Sweetheart.” He was mocking you right back.

“Fine, it’s on.” You finally place the trimmed and rubbed pork in the oven. “Ok with that done, let’s move onto dessert.  What would we like, granted this area is not my forte?”

“Make whatever, what do you like?” Tony answers.

Really sometimes these people were no help at all. You turn back to the cabinet. You were sure you saw some jello in here somewhere. Finally acquiring the item, you proceed to assemble one of your favorite recipes. Pretzel Jello, heck you might just make an extra pan just for yourself.

Bucky and the others continued to keep up company as you worked. The comradery between them was delightful to watch and thrilling to be apart of. With all of dinner either prepared or cooking you found yourself seated in the living room. They had started a movie but more as background noise than anything else. A few were merely chatting amongst themselves while Steve, Bucky, Tony, Sam, and yourself were involved in a rather intense game of Zanderhead. It was a quick paced and cut throat game. The smack talk was getting up there in volume and as Bucky continued to get the hang of the game, he was becoming rather savage, especially toward Sam. You on the other hand were having the time of your life. You really couldn’t even think of a time where you had laughed so hard.

You eventually had to pull away to check on the meal. it was ready for the final touches, so you relinqued your hand and headed to the kitchen. Bucky had once again snuck up behind you ready to assist you, you set him to setting the table. When all was finished you placed all the food into huge platters, Bucky helped you to bring everything out and calling the others all together to eat. You place the last plate on the table before exiting to start cleaning the kitchen, leaving the group to their meal.

“And where do you think you are going?” Tony was blocking your path. His arms were folded, indicating that he was more than likely about to show his stubborn side and get his way. “You wouldn’t be trying to sneak off and not have dinner with us, would you?”

Gulping you vigorously shake your head, “No, of course not I was just going to hang up my apron and put one pan in the sink so it can soak and is easier to clean when we are done eating. DUH?” Backing up slowly and trying to make it seem like you weren’t just lying out your butt.

“That’s what I thought, let me help you. Make it go quicker, I’ll grab the pan. I’m starving.” He quirked an eyebrow, daring you to argue with him.

“Sure, thanks for the help.” Quickly going to the pantry. You meet back at the table only to find the only seat open being right next to Bucky. Your blushing already, you once again are seeing some smirks floating through the groups faces. While the dishes were passed the conversation stayed on the food and how good it was. It drifted of course to once again you moving in so that they would always eat this well.

It started with the harmless follow up question on Sam’s relationship status. The girls seemed to thrive, mostly Natasha, on the gossip. “She came out wearing one of my shirts and man I have to admit that it is seriously the hottest thing a girl can do. Wear a man’s shirt and they will fall at your feet.”

Tony of course agreed with that statement. “That is an understatement, especially with only a pair of panties under a button up shirt. That is the best way to start a day.”

“I will say guys shirts are just that much better. They tend to be the most comfortable things to wear.” Natasha and Wanda are nodding their heads in agreement. “What about you (Y/N)? You have to admit they are usually the most silky thing you can wear.”

Of course they just had to bring you into the conversation, and this awkward one at that. “Well considering that I don’t fit into the majority of men’s shirts I wouldn’t be able to agree or disagree. I mean I do steal my dad’s sweaters every time I go home so I will say they do have some of the most comfortable sweaters.” You try to feebly add to the conversation. It also didn’t help that most, who were you kidding all men, really never wanted to get to that stage in a relationship with you. You weren’t about to point this out to them though, you had a feeling that few here if any would be able to relate to your problem.

“Huh, I bet your dad gets upset about that.” Bucky shifts in his seat to address you, swinging his arm across the back of your chair.

“Not really, he gets them every year from my grandmother so more times than not he doesn’t even mind.”

“Wow, so who all is in your family?”

“Well I have my mom and dad, then I have two brothers and 2 sisters. Only my mom’s parents are still alive and of course my mom’s 3 sisters. We are a rather large family. Unfortunately most of them live in the Midwest, I don’t get to see them as often as I would like.”

“Holy Cow, how did your family even run.”

“Well we mostly entertained ourselves, we did have a lot of fun together. We are a big gaming family but also movies and quoting movies.”

“It seems like you have a great family, what do they all do?”

“Well my older brother was in the Navy for Nuclear Engineering, my younger brother is in the Navy reserve, though I hear he may be helping with the Seals soon. He is also married and his wife is going back to school for her Masters in Special Education. Well one of the younger sisters is into accounting and now has a solid job after she graduates in Chicago for a firm. Then there is my youngest sister who is finishing her undergrad for Forensic Science. They are a gifted bunch are they not.”

“Yeah I would say so, but you’re not doing to bad yourself.”

You really wanted to be proud of what you were doing but you couldn’t quite bring yourself to agree with him. In the family of greatness you really had nothing to offer in the family. To put him at ease though you merely nod your head.

“So who’s ready for dessert?”

You start to collect plates to clear them to have room for dessert. You take your stack to the kitchen pulling the dessert from the fridge. You start to distribute each plate around the table. The munching and moans of approval you start the dishes and move to the pots and pans you had used. A pair of hand came into view, picking up the clean dishes wiping them dry.

“So, what was that whole situation with Bucky?” Nat has her voice down luckily as she questions you. “I set it up perfectly so he could get to know you. Anyone can see that you like him, so why not use this time to draw him in?”

The sigh that emerged from you was long. “Because I also happen to know that in the end it will go nowhere. When you get to be my size the only thing that I bring to the table is being handy in the kitchen and every once in awhile a charming personality. I will take what I can get from men and remain friends for as long as I can.” You weren’t trying to be mean or anything it was merely the way things always work out.

“You know you should have more confidence in yourself.” She shoved you slightly trying to get you to see how much you had to offer someone. She decided to let you go for know. Considering that there were people that shouldn’t really over here this conversation. “ Well, now that we are done with all this , come join us back in the living room. We are going to continue what we were doing earlier.”

‘Awesome, I still need to whip those boys butts in cards. They think they had me beat but now the game is on and I am one of the most competitive people in my family.”

The rest of the night followed the path of the rest of the day. You laughed till there were tears in your eyes, you soundly beat the men in cards numerous times, all the while quoting lines from different movies. You once again left with the pleas to move in and cook again for them. All in all it was a fabulous night and for some reason you had a feeling this would become a common occurrence.

@justreadingfics @cami23593 @ashleydivine @toniinhere @buckyappreciationsociety @iamwarrenspeace @veronicalei @melconnor2007

@magpiemischief

When El asks Hopper what a New Year’s Resolution is he looks up from the sandwiches he’s preparing for lunch and considers his response for a moment. 

“At the start of a new year,” he begins to explain, “You pick something you want to differently than last year and you promise to do it.” 

El, cross-legged on the sofa, looks thoughtful for a moment. “Like you said no more doughnuts for you?” 

Her tone is so blunt, so completely inoffensive, that Jim can’t help but to laugh. “Thanks for the reminder, kid.”

“You’re welcome,” El grins and Jim begins to suspect she’s teasing him. 

“Okay, okay,” he shakes his head, briefly imagining the years of teenage-hood yet to arrive. “Come get your lunch.” 

Jim makes his way over to join her on the couch, sandwich in hand—Saturday lunches are always spent in the living room watching a movie. He’s unaware, until he sits down, of the second plated ham sandwich and apple slices floating along behind him. 

When the plate lands softly in El’s lap he fixes her with a stern look, despite the fact that his eyes are amused. 

“Not what I had in mind, El,” he deadpans. “Now, what movie did you pick?”

Performance Unit || Texts

TITLE || Insecure

WHO? || Seventeen’s Performance Unit

SUMMARY || You read some negative comments online and started to distance yourself from the boys.

A/N || Finally something for the performance unit! Hope you guys like it despite the bad quality :< Forgive me, I’m still new at this. I may delete this because I hate the quality hais.

S T A R T

  • HOSHI
  • JUN
  • THE8
  • DINO

E N D

Submitted:

Hi! I just published a wlw book called “Something Tragic.”

Would you be able to promote the link to your followers?

Amazon: http://a.co/6h4J4K9

Here’s the blurb.

When they met, it was not of their own accord. In fact, they never would have crossed paths if it wasn’t for the school project. They were juniors. Addison was the quiet, new girl. Having to move in with her uncles after the fire was one of the most difficult things she had ever endured. Tragic, really. Life always seemed to turn out that way for Addison.

When Addison first started at Parkville High, she knew exactly who Crisa Grayson was, even if Crisa didn’t know her. Crisa was the focus of hallway gossip, infamous for her wild parties and golden hair. On the surface, she seemed like the typical high school cliché. She was bubbly, fun-loving and sometimes even larger-than-life. But appearances can be deceiving, and Addison never expected to interact with the enigma, let alone fall in love with her.

Follow Addison Warren as she begins to unravel different layers of Crisa Grayson. Something Tragic is a coming of age, LGBT novel about self-discovery and finding love.

I promise, it’ll be worth it. I wrote it for those of us who are still struggling/remember struggling with our sexuality. It’s supposed to remind you that you’re not alone. :) Girls deserve to love other girls! 

thevixeninred  asked:

May I request a cute scenario where Junkrats crush randomly makes him a lunch with adorable little pink note on it and everything uwu Please and thank you if possible. I love your blog it’s amazing!!! Keep up the amazing work!

SFW - NB READER


The mans work space was always a mess, scrap, screws, tools and whatever else he had dragged into the hut were just flung around the place with no rhyme or reason but in his chaos it was perfectly organised, at least to him.

He simply kicked the door with his pegleg, arms full of broken kitchen appliances, old guns and other weapons and even the metal handled mop he’d found outside a certain Swedish Dwarf’s workspace. 

Junkrat hummed and looked for a place to put his new found treasures but gave up, instead he simply let it all cascade from his arms and hit the floor, he started to push it in all directions, in his sorted piles that would still just look like random mess to anyone else.

But he saw something from the corner of his eye. He clapped his hands together, rubbing his dirty hands on his tatty, equally filthy shorts as he eyed the package neatly set on his desk next to his magnifying lens he needed to see the smaller parts of his bombs.

He licked his lips, wary of the item… He poked it with his metal hand, there was a folded piece of paper on the plastic container and he unfolded it, setting it on the desk he picked up the glass and peered through it with one eye open reading over the nice writhing.


To Jamison

I know you never eat lunch, you always get too busy so I thought if I started to bring you lunch everyday at least you would be eating! Roadhog told me what you like so I hope you find the time to enjoy it.

Love your secret admirer xox


“Hoooley Dooley” he scratched his patchy hair and opened the lid seeing such nicely cut sandwiches, a candy bar and a collection of raisins and grapes.

He picked up one and stuffed it into his mouth, making a pleased moan around the bread as he carried on stuffing it into his mouth, chomping with his mouth open, crumbs going down his front.

He gulped it down and carried on eyeing the writing up, then he twigged… 

“Fuck me sideways….” 

he started to dig around on the table and pulled out a piece of paper that had all the codes to rooms in the base, his memory was so bad but he had asked you if you could help him and thus you had written them all up for him…. His puzzled expression soon changed and he smirked…

You glanced up when a note was thrust into your face, the Junker was beaming brightly, a smug look on his face and one of this manic little giggles as he tapped the side of his nose with a wink.

Oh… he got you…….

Back to the Beginning

Almost two years ago, a friend spun me a lovely fantasy about what it would be like to forget everything I knew about hypnosis and experience it as a beginner.

I am not nearly good enough at amnesia to achieve this effect in real life. I’m a little regretful about this- I was a big nerd who read a lot about hypnosis before trying to do it and after that I hypnotized people for a long while before I was able to really be hypnotized myself.* I really envy those people who get to experience the magic first before knowing the mechanics. There’s a humility that comes with the process of learning about hypnosis**- for me it’s been a process of learning something, feeling like I understand it, ripping that understanding into shreds, and then using those shreds to paste something new together. I feel like sometimes I would do better  if I just started over and admitted that I didn’t know anything. Maybe I could discover something new if I looked at it with new eyes- and with a beginner’s mind.

I think this might be the plan at the next con that I go to. I’ve never really attended con like a newbie- with a focus on learning. Maybe I should. There’s still a ton I don’t know about doing hypnosis as a kink or in a D/s context. There’s probably a ton that I think I understand but actually don’t. I feel like a younger version of me would be really upset about my con habit of skipping actual, live hypnosis classes or opportunities for mentoring. Maybe I should focus on that aspect and take a break from feeling like I should already know everything. 

*For those of you who struggle similarly- keep practicing. For me, it was not so much a matter of finding the right hypnotist or induction as it was internally learning to let myself experience the moment without dissecting it.

**See also: learning about people

This is super embarrassing so I’ve gone back and forth about whether I should share it, but yesterday I had a really, really bad high for almost 8 hours. I’m someone who smokes almost daily, I know my limits, and I’m obsessive about accurate dosage when it comes to tinctures and edibles. THC has been massively helpful for my anxiety and insomnia for the past 5-6 years, with very few negative side effects (but I’ll take the munchies over the side effects of sleeping pills and benzos any day), and this completely threw me off guard.

I took a sativa edible from a new bag from a different dispensary than usual (these are edibles I brought from CA) and they were either a much higher dose than they were labeled, or they were laced with something, or I calculated it really wrong, or maybe they mixed badly with my cold medicine? About 2 hours in I started having involuntary muscle spasms and convulsions all over my body. They lasted almost 2 hours. During the worst half hour or so of it, I was having visual and auditory hallucinations and spontaneous vocalizations, and I couldn’t walk because of vertigo.

Outside of being under anesthesia, I’ve never felt more out of control of my own body. I was terrified. I thought if I fell asleep I might stop breathing. Every intrusive thought that my conscious mind can usually hold back came out, and it was like a field day for my darkest, most horrible, most painful thoughts. 24 hours later I’m still having occasional small spasms. I’ve been reckoning with it and trying to figure out what happened, because I never want anything like it to happen again.

anonymous asked:

Did Taylor flop? She just released an album and I barely see her.

I tried to listen and I couldn’t continue past like the 5th track. her album truly sucks, instead of coming back with something interesting or new sounds or something, she took 400 steps back with an album of boring songs that sound like a 40 minute long song with no changes in anything whatsoever. 1989 was a good album despite the shitty narratives she’s obsessed with this one is absolutely awful. also she now started to perform in total playback (the jingle ball performances are truly performance art lmao) which is a blessing because she’s very bad live (i heard her sing once live and NO THANKS) but it also looks very bad for an artist especially if you are doing your ‘mega come back’ (lol) i cannot wait for the music industry to ignore her until she has to stop 

i can’t believe my first ‘highlights’ post would be something about sports of all things but idk i havent seen much of ryan’s new series on my feed? it’s actually surprisingly good! i mean i never doubted any output of ryan’s but as an avid anti-sports person i never actually expected to like it as much as i did:

  • the opening theme sounds like the fucking spirit box lower yall’s volume levels down when it starts
  • ryan’s extra cute in this for some reason??
  • ryan and zach nerding out over sports is just ??? too pure?
  • also it’s quite refreshing, everything’s so CHILL i love it it’s really just two bros bro-ing out as much as possible over MJ 
  • i am learning more from a 15-minute video about a topic i actively avoided for like 15 years than many well-meaning friends who tried to get me into this?? ryan you’ve done it again
  • ryan’s storytelling and presentation is fucking A++
  • ryan and zach unapologetically make comparisons between themselves and MJ 
  • “if i was a foot taller, you’d read about me in the history books”
  • they’re censoring the swearing???????
  • “and once again, jordan stans, stay out of my mentions” “stay out of my mentions @zackevans on twitter” 
  • RYAN’S GIGGLE IN 07:44. KILL ME
  • the picture used for james “slim” bouler looks like fucking harvey weinstein 
  • it’s also refreshing how you’re not fearing for your life as you watch this yanno like i appreciate not getting a mini heart attack every now and then (axeman episode im looking at you) 
  • ryan still can’t pronounce “february”
  • i actually really love the graphics in this????
  • goddamn mike is really fucking loaded
  • ZACH AND RYAN CHALLENGING MJ TO A FUCKING FOOT RACE (“I’M CALLING YOU OUT, MIKE!”
  • ok honestly im going for the Space Jam theory, u hit the nail on the head there zach

i’d watch the next one too tbh even if it gets more obscure than freaking Michael Jordan. great job on this sunshine boy !!!!!!!!! 

50 lbs down since the beginning of September. I was working with this giant bodybuilder/trainer for a while. I was getting great workouts, but was still as fat as ever. He quit training people to take a management job at a new gym in town. When he dumped me, something just clicked inside me.
I don’t need a trainer. I know what to do. So, I started working out on my own. A little at first, and now 5 days a week.
Besides my workouts, the big change was my diet. My cholesterol was super high. I was on the threshold of type 2 diabetes. (Probably had a toe in that pool already). I was tired all the time. I was depressed. I realized I was slowly committing suicide. I was dying…

So, I decided to change the way I was living. To start, try a different way of eating. I researched, and then started eating a ketogenic diet. Super high in fat. Moderate protein. Low carb. I have already adjusted and worked more carbs in than when I started. I’m still eating 2500 calories a day. The key is the combo of high fat with the low carb. I starting dropping pounds.
My blood work is all better than it’s been in a decade. Cholesterol: normal. Blood sugar: normal. Energy levels are way better. I don’t snore anymore.
I make sure I’m hydrated- I drink a gallon of water a day.
The keto diet has helped, but the real change has been mental. I just woke up one morning and decided I’d had enough.
I’ve still got a long way to go, but I honestly don’t obsess about it anymore. I just Live life every day and make my health a priority- things that normal, healthy, fit people do every day without even thinking about it.
So, life is good….

I’ve done “this thing” since 2015 now, outfitting women with powerlifting equipment, supplements and advice along the way (at no cost to them.) Many women have been interested and many of those have made permanent changes in their lives through embracing their strength and size. I don’t take credit for all those changes but I’ve been told I was at least a catalyst that sparked something good in their lives. 


This year I received this message from someone who stuck with me on the programs and changed more than their squat PRs. Knowing I had some part in this is the greatest reward for me.

Also, I wanted to share something with you. I finally started making consistent gains– on 3000 calories. And in hindsight, I realize that I was never eating enough because of the perpetual fear of growing by eating more than I thought I deserved. Eating for growth felt like investing in myself, and I was afraid to grow, afraid to ‘bring something new to the table’ of my own life. So I would very quietly say: You aren’t working hard enough to         eat like this. People will think you’re fat if they see you eat like that. You aren’t doing it right. You aren’t confident, strong, together enough to do this and succeed. This bully of mine tells me I am undeserving of nourishment– whether of food or, more importantly, of love.            

Needless to say, it is this same bully that tells me my boyfriend is lying when he tells me I’m beautiful, that I am not smart enough for my graduate school program, that I am not competent enough for my new job in women’s rights at the National Organization for Women. This woman has spent hours, and by now, years polishing this script, practicing this most visceral form of self-hate. That critical voice is always there, it takes the glow off my triumphs and makes me second-guess myself even in the wake of success. It is this mental machinery that tells me that I am lacking in fundamental ways– unworthy, unloved, unwanted–and the gears have been going for so long that these feelings became instinctual. I have grown dangerously numb to the all too familiar tune of: you are not enough, you are not enough, you are not enough.            

Unfortunately,  like many, I have grown so desensitized to negative self talk that it took months to find the culprit, dig it up and pluck it from my psyche– then be on guard when it wants to return so I can chase it out of myself. This  process has, in essence, been me chasing my self out of  myself. It’s been a matter of sweeping out any remnants of a woman who feels undeserving, invalid, incompetent. It has been shedding the skin of her so I can get out of the cage she has been building for me, a cage that sabotages every opportunity to run towards a better version of myself. A cage that blinds my ability to realize the opportunity is ever there at all. A cage that I am still pulling from the muddy waters of my memories, and my    mother’s hands, and my own trauma– everything that has ever served as evidence of never being enough.           

So as silly as it may seem: every filled plate of food, every extra set, every heavier bar, every extra pull and push and sweat and grind is evidence in the contrary. A new story to tell the little girl inside of me who grew upthinking she would never be enough when she grows up. But I am grown, and growing, and growing up. And getting rid of all the parts of me that do not believe in who I am, and who I can grow to become.            

In short, this is my very long way of saying thank you, for being a lighthouse when I am navigating stormy seas. Bless.


Now, 2018 is around the corner and as always that means folks are gonna take up some New Year’s resolutions. As always I’m back with new plans to help build y’all into a bunch of Thickzillas if you’re up for it of course and once again I’m casting the net and looking for interested candidates to take part.

My time is unfortunately more limited these days so I can only directly assist a small group of people at most if they show interest. But please do contact me and ask questions if you’re dedicated and looking to try it.

Explanations are below…



What Exactly is Bust The Seams?


Bust The Seams is a thickspo & heavy lifting program for achieving ridiculous thickness. Yeah, you read that right: ridiculous thickness. We’ll be following candidates on their mission to get thick. as. fuck. and then some.

This isn’t a booty bootcamp, 30-day squat challenge or generic fitness program.

This is about women getting so thick that everyone in the room is so uncomfortable. Whether slim-thick, thick or super duper EXTRA THICC, this is about getting thick on your terms and actualizing your personal physique goals through proper nutrition and training.


Our mission is to encourage women everywhere to take up more space. In a world that forces women to shrink, be smaller and inferior, in a world that profits from mocking women’s bodies for entertainment, in a world that subjugates women to confining definitions of femininity, in a world that profits from making women loathe their bodies– this is a rebellion– a radical form of self-love. Our objective is to help women build immense physical power and size. We know that in doing so, these women are dismantling gender norms, celebrating the female form, breaking stereotypes and empowering themselves and others to affirm the magnitude of their own existence by nudging the number on the scale ever upwards.

We believe that getting big is a revolution.

Heavier. Bigger. Better.

That’s our mantra.

Interested?


Think you’ve got what it takes to lift big, eat big and get big over an extended period of time, share your journey with the world and pass along some empowerment to other women?

We’re looking for highly motivated individuals with the determination to get thick. as. fuck. and an urge to put patriarchy in its place by taking up some space.

 Interested in our project? Send me a message to discuss details!

What should I read next?

I’m still reading The Amber Spyglass (holyyyshiittt it’s amazinggg) but I’m gonna need new books to read. I think thinking of these to start off the year.

1. Cruel Prince Holly Black

(its not out yet but I’ve heard some amazing reviews and I’ve been meaning to check out this author. Plus I’m on a Fae role right now lol)

2. Renegades - Marissa Meyer

(She wrote The Lunar Chronicles therefore I’m now required to read her other books)

3. Stardust - Neil Gaiman

(Cause the movie was awesome and I need something fresh to read that’s not YA or overused)

4. Red Queen - Victoria Aveyard

(Lots of mixed reviews but I’ll give it a chance)

5. All the Crooked Saints -Maggie Steifvater

(Cause why not)

Annnddd The Book Of Dust by Phillip Pullman. That’s a definite read. Pretty much all of his books involving the golden Compasd are on my list.

What do you think? Any suggestions?

anonymous asked:

About the girl who reminds me of Camila: I'm crushing on her hard 😦 Every time I see her my heart goes !!!!!!!! and I get so nervous that I can't bring myself to talk to her 😦

Ahhh having a crush is so lovely~ but seriously speaking, go talk to the girl cause who knows.. maybe it’s a start of something new 🙃❤️

I’m sorting out my mod folder and want to delete some CC…

Before I had 10015 files… now I have 10084 … I’m doing something wrong xD… Maybe I shouldn’t look for new CC while I’m sorting out :/…. oh well…

Have a good night everyone! And a good start in the weekend. Because I posted no pictures today, here’s a cute unedited picture of Saphyra:

Good night, sleep tight!