it was the chicken man

You are a guard in a fantasy world. You notice a man in elegant armor kick a chicken in the streets. In your lawful rage, you manage to kill this man in the name of justice. To your dismay, you realize you just killed The Chosen One. You just doomed the world.

2016 memes

2016 memes

January:
•bad new year jokes
•if a dog wore pants would he wear them like this or this
•all these suggestion blogs
•orange soda please
i’ll have the strawberry soda
me too, the strawberry soda
•You fucked up a perfectly good x is what you did. Look at them. They got anxiety.
•kylo ren is shredded
•Jared Leto: *does something*
Director: oh my God…it’s like…is he Jared…or Joker right now?????
•tag yourself
•super mario 64 half a press
•this is x. be like x

February:
•the finebros suing something
•secret government agent: *punches me in the face* SAY IT
me: never
secret government agent: x
me: *spits blood in their face* fUCK YOU
•bernie or hillary things that have a ridicilous issue and even funnier answers
•jean something, jomething
•damn daniel
•ted cruz is the zodiac killer

March:
•the dad from kuzco being like 👌
•kazoo kid
•everyone who watched zootopia is a furry
•history of japan
•x or y? *insert similiar pictures here, like donald trump and raw chicken*
•get you a man that can do both
•going to papaw’s house for burgers
•no oscar meme is dead meme
•we dem boyz
•i’m you but stronger

April:
•marge simpson
•different variations of the hs panel where jade picks up the note
•tumblr’s lizard voting
•everyone’s a dirty homestuck
•lot of those powerpuff selves
•baby stevens
•ruining someone’s dream journal
•there’s no way out of it you’ll just have to decapitate me
•autocorrect in verbal conversation
person1: i love you
person1: *hate
person2: this is a verbal conversation
•WHAT WE REALLY AREEE
•don’t talk to me or my son ever again
•dark x show me y

May:
•dan backslide (and dover boys)
•dat boi
•stone age spongebob

June:
•are you x or y person? (tag yourself meme in text format)
•get a man who can do both is getting more popular again
•it’s june where the fuck are halloween memes???

July:
•america memes
•IT’S HALLOWEEN
•the vacuum cleaner playing a harmonica
•associating characters/songs/etc. with spongebob screenshots
•this👏emoji👏after👏every👏word
•(any videogame) go, go outside and x
•a picture of something with text, and more pictures after that, in every one of the pictures the picture starts getting waaay worse, but the text gets really detailed
•HANDSY👏CLAPSY👏IS👏A👏NEW👏TROLLSONA👏
•judge: how do you plead?
x: *looks at y*
y: *mouths ‘not guilty’*
x: hot milky
y: jc just lock them up
•hitting the blue button

August:
•arthur screenshot where his hand is a fist
•9-1-1 for kids
•Exeggutor
•harambe
•RANDY YOUR STICKS
•sausage party
•how (character) are you feeling today? *numbers from 1 to ten with silly pictures of the character*
•alola form

September:
•the thing with voltron fandom where there’s train tracks and “death in season 2” and two characters and u have to choose which one to kill
•someone: a basic word
me, an intellectual: that word said with synonyms to make it sound weird
•gonna prank dad when he gets home ((he never gets home))
•[song] but it keeps getting faster

October:
•userboxes
•the presidental debate, i can’t believe that there still are people who want to vote trump after that, yikes
•dedede
•you vs the guy she told you not to worry about
•photofunia retrowave
•picture of someone with those math things
•my longest yeah boy ever
•taking a picture of something that requiers two hands in a bathroom
•posting ur favourite vines

November:
•christmas stuff
•dick: out
•sir, you’ve been in coma
•kermit with a hood on his head
•blurred image that says perfection, after that an image where glasses are being cleaned, and then something u like
•WE ARE NUMBER ONE

December:
•BODE
• *picture of really basic or bad food with text that’s spelled wrong and the phrase “bon appetit” is spelled even more wrong"
•*dropping something, and it spells send nudes*
•x but every time y happens it gets faster
*bee movie but every time they say bee it gets faster
•several spongebob memes
•i described the meme about bad pictures with detailed text in july, it’s wildly popular now
•dramatic youtubers

apparently i missed a few things so, additions:
•steven’s knife
•joe biden
•aux chord
•dabbing
•a lot of spongebob memes, like the blurry mister crabs
•nebby get in the bag
•clowns
•harambe happened earlier than it says on the list
•several stranger things memes
•we die like men

3

Colonel Sanders and the Gas Station Gunfight

Before Colonel Sanders became the iconic American figure famous for his Kentucky Fried Chicken, he was a young man named Harland Sanders, and he was certainly a man who took shit from nobody. Harland Sanders got his start as a businessman when he became the owner of a Shell gas station in Corbin, Kentucky in 1930. Sanders’ gas station also included a small diner where he served country ham, biscuits, and steaks. Down the street from Sanders’ station was his business rival, Matt Stewart, who operated his own Standard Oil gas station and competed with Sanders for customers. The two men quickly went from business rivals to mortal enemies, and it was only a matter of time before there would be blood.

The two men came to blows when Sanders painted a large sign advertising his business on billboard near a local railroad. Stewart responded by painting over Sanders’ sign. In response Sanders confronted Stewart, angrily threatening to “shoot his goddamn head off”. Sanders repainted the sign, but became enraged when Stewart once again painted over it. 

Determined to end the situation once and for all, Sanders decided to confront Stewart with a grand show of force that would cow him into submission. Sanders and two heavily armed Shell officials named Robert Gibson and H. D. Shelburne set off in a car to Stewarts gas station.  They expect the sight of three men with loaded weapons would be enough to intimidate Stewart. However Stewart opened fire on the men with a revolver as soon as they arrived, killing Robert Gibson. A gun battle ensued, but in the end the two men got the drop on Stewart, with Shelburne shooting him in the hip and Sanders shooting him in the shoulder.  Stewart surrendered, and despite his wounds survived the gunfight.  However he was charged and convicted for the murder of Robert Gibson, resulting in an 18 year prison sentence. Neither Sanders nor Shelburne were charged with a crime.

Harland Sanders continued to run hi gas station and diner. In 1935 Sanders discovered a way to fry chicken using pressure cookers, a method which allowed him to cook the chicken fast enough to serve to his customers. The rest is Kentucky Fried history.

8

Happy 42nd birthday, Zach Braff!
April 6, 1975

Adam West (R.I.P 1928-2017)
The legendary man known for playing superheroes like The Fearless Ferret, Catman, Captain Super Captain, and the most iconic hero, Batman (‘66) has passed away at 88.

This guy was one of my favorite actors. He made me laugh many times for playing delusional superhero/ TV actors, showed great drama when playing a serious ‘batman’ character, and was the weirdest mayor in history!

The superhero world will feel a little bit empty without him, and he will never be forgotten by any of us. Rest in Peace and fight on, West. 🙍🙇🌃

my character, a vampire bard, is traveling with a drug-addict healer (human) , a wizard, and a monk.

we reach a village and find a house with an old man. 

DM (old man) : i’m… to old… to escape this town… burning down…. (my character accidentally set the whole forest on fire) you’re welcome to take some water in the old well behind my house though.

me: we don’t have any water bottle to store the water in. 

DM: the old man has a mug which he’s been working on for decades. it has some beer in it.

me: i fight the old man for that mug

healer: why?? ? he hasn’t even finished the mug let him have the mug 

me: we need water

healer: forget the water. i see if the old man has any chickens in the backyard.

DM: the old man indeed has some chickens that you can catch.

healer: can we please just leave the old man alone and take the chickens; i’m tired of you idiots causing ruckus again

me: I FIGHT THE MAN FOR THE MUG

healer: DON’T

after a few rolls, the old man with one eye socket empty, lies on the ground with bleeding wounds.

me: can i suck his blood

healer: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

me: I HADN’T HAD ANY MEALS SINCE THE GOBLIN BLOOD AT LUNCH

me: HE’S GONNA DIE ANYWAY

healer: UGH i exit the house to go to the chickens.

DM: bard, roll for the action

me: (rolls a 3)

DM: you approach the man, but the blood has already drained all to the ground. you sadly lick the puddle of blood.

me: amazing. this isn’t going to cut it, im going to need a live chicken to feast on. i approach the healer with all the chickens.

me: hey can i have a chicken

healer: wait, actually,

healer: here, wizard, hold this chicken.

wizard: (holds the chicken) what for?

healer: while the wizard is holding the chicken, i sliT THE CHICKEN’S THROAT AND LET ALL THE BLOOD FALL TO THE DIRT WHILE MAINTAINING DIRECT EYE CONTACT WITH THE BARD.

everyone in the room goes NUTS as i continuously scream NO in frenzy for twenty minutes.

me: I TRY…TO… LICK THE BLOOD OFF THE DIRT

DM: the blood is soaked up in the dirt and you eat dirt instead

me: SHIT

healer: THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A LITTLE BITCH

healer: NO DINNER FOR YOU