it was mainly for me to vent anyway

Not Enough

Pairing: Newt x Reader

Word Count: 352

Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING!! Mentions of blood, and suicide.

A/N: I’ve been going through some things recently so I apologize if it’s a lot of feelsy stuff ;u; this fic is mainly me venting and just blurbs. I promise to get back on track with Little Fall of Rain though, chapter 3 will be out this week

Every blank stare was a dagger,
Every word you spoke was pointless,
All you ever did was hurt.
Hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt.
It didn’t matter how much anyone tried to get close to you, “they hate me anyways” you thought. 

So there you were, laying on your bed. Too tired to live any longer, your pale, slender fingers reaching for the alluring object you kept at the edge of your bed.
“(y/n)?” There was a soft knock at your door. “Love- please come out-” the doorknob clinked as if someone was trying to open it.
“Go away-” your voice was dry and weak from crying, curled up on the bed you felt hopeless. And although you had the best boyfriend in the world, you never felt good enough. Everything you did was not enough, as much as Newt had protested against you wasting your energy on making sure he was happy. He had never seen you in such a helpless state before.
Hollow eyes, painful words.
Honestly you just wanted to test him to see if he would stay.
“(y/n) I can’t take this, I’m coming in.”
There was a click as Newt snapped the handle, although it sounded more like ringing in your ears. He came rushing in to find your curled up body in a growing pool of blood.
“Merlin’s beard-”
All you remember is seeing the panic in his eyes and the way his calloused fingers gently cleaned your arm.
“Newt?” Your body shook as your voice became shallow
“Yes?” He looked to you, tears streaming down his hazel eyes, attempting to contain himself but doing a terrible job, ugly sobs erupting from his throat.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so horrible to you. I hope you find someone who deserves you more than I have” a weak smile spread across your lips, your vision becoming blurry, it was hard to make out his features.
“(y/n) no one has deserved me more than you, I love you” he laughed half heartedly through a sob as your vision became black, your delicate hand going limp in his.


Hi babies! ✨ Things have been so good lately. WYP has honestly changed the game for me! Last night, I finally went on a date with another POT from WYP who I’m just going to call Mr. Brooklyn for now. He was really engaging and had a youthful personality for being his age, super curious about me (I lied my ass off). At the end, he walked me outside and gave me $200 for a two-hour date, and then proceeded to beg me to let him take me back to his place (only a block away) to eat me out, LOL. I literally just said “no, it’s the first date”… and then he was like, “what’s an allowance that would make you sit on my face every Monday night?”

So that’s how I fell into my highest per meet arrangement yet…. every Monday, $950 per meet 😇

- Apartment POT comes back from Miami tonight and messaged me super early this morning, asking to see me Friday or Saturday for French dinner on the Upper East Side. Had to say Saturday because I have a date on Friday (LOL). Afterwards, he’s going to take me on the tour of the apartment and I’ll finally be able to send him the wish-list of the furniture/decor I want so he can buy it.

- I’ve worked it out so that 3 days of my week are set aside for doing my *thing*, while the other 4 are my own. Scheduling has become super important! Making every man feel like they’re the only one is a key for me. None of them should or will ever know about the other.

Anyway, I’m going to do some shopping today (mainly to buy a dress for when I see Apartment POT on Saturday) and surprise my mom with some random money underneath her pillow later. I’m really happy with the way things are going and this community has been such a huge help in my journey so far. Much love and light to all of you, if anyone ever wants to talk or vent, my ask box is open. This blog is actually a side blog, so I can’t follow back :( but I see all of your support and I’m beyondddd grateful for it.

Talk soon 💕💕💕💕

xoxo, K

anyways i made a blog where antis can submit anonymously their opinions so shaladins can’t spam them after

bc i know every time i make an anti post i get 2000 anons telling me to kms and im fuckign sick of it

mainly for antis to vent/talk about discourse without shippers bothering them!! if ur an anti and interested feel free to rb this to spread the word lmao

I’m so annoyed that I spent my highschool days with someone that was so fucking boring and uninteresting and I couldn’t actually have real fun with, and I’ll never get those days back. And when I was a kid I felt constantly depressed and when I talked to my mom about it she just brushed it off like it was nothing and just said ‘oh that’s not true’, like I love my mom a lot but she’s so old fashioned she doesn’t even believe in most mental illnesses. And it sucks being alone so often, idk if it’s normal like almost every day when I’m not at school I’m completely alone. I always eat food alone, work on my car alone, sightsee and just go every where alone. Idk if that’s bad or good and I hate the fact that I’m still socially inept enough to not even know the difference. I hate constantly judging myself and every single action I do also it gets really annoying and it just stops me from doing anything ever and whenever I even do anything at all I feel like it’s not worth my time so I mainly end up not even doing anything all day, only small tasks. Sometimes I get a bunch of motivation and do a whole bunch of stfuff in a day and sometimes I just sit around and literally don’t do anything and it’s never in between. And I’m sick of thinking some thoughts I won’t post here but no matter how many times I talk to my friends about it they never convince me otherwise because stuff like media and experience always shows me my initial belief is true. Anyways that’s my entire vent I’ve been bottling up for a few weeks now if you read all of this thanks, make sure to thumbs up for that , a little carbonation and I’ll see you next time