it was hard to make the quotes fit because his best quotes were too long

–– ♡ ❛ + VERSE/OTP NAME IDEAS [ PART 2 ] !

       there are a lot of master lists like these based on songs. and songs are great, but, as a movie lover, i decided to put together a bunch of quotes from movies to be used for the same purpose. so under the cut you’ll find 178 movie quotes that can be used as otp/verse names. these are organized by movie title and some may even fit a brotp. hope it comes in handy to any of you!

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The Outsiders is Gay™, an academic study:

Some of these quotes are 100% serious and meant genuinely, especially in regard to Dally and Johnny. Other quotes are absolutely us being pedantic, entirely because of how much of a hissy fit Hinton threw for the mere suggestion that there is a possible queer reading of this book. So if some of these seem like reaches… they are, and that’s what makes it so much fun.

Chapter 1:

  • WHEN I STEPPED OUT into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home. (Paul Newman, a bisexual icon.)
  • I have light-brown, almost-red hair and greenish-gray eyes. I wish they were more gray, because I hate most guys that have green eyes, but I have to be content with what I have. (Ponyboy has a type.)
  • Darry is six-feet-two, and broad-shouldered and muscular. He has dark-brown hair that kicks out in front and a slight cowlick in the back— just like Dad’s— but Darry’s eyes are his own. He’s got eyes that are like two pieces of pale blue-green ice. They’ve got a determined set to them, like the rest of him. He looks older than twenty— tough, cool, and smart. He would be real handsome if his eyes weren’t so cold.
  • Soda is handsomer than anyone else I know. Not like Darry— Soda’s movie-star kind of handsome, the kind that people stop on the street to watch go by. He’s not as tall as Darry, and he’s a little slimmer, but he has a finely drawn, sensitive face that somehow manages to be reckless and thoughtful at the same time.
  • Soda merely cocked one eyebrow, a trick he’d picked up from Two-Bit.
  • “I’d just as soon tease a full-grown grizzly” (The biggest and best reach of all.)
  • They came running toward us now— four lean, hard guys. (They were hard, guys.)
  • Steve Randle was seventeen, tall and lean, with thick greasy hair he kept combed in complicated swirls. He was cocky, smart, and Soda’s best buddy since grade school.
  • (The entire description of Dally that lasts three paragraphs.)
  • If it hadn’t been for the gang, Johnny would never have known what love and affection are.
  • Dallas lit a cigarette and handed it to Johnny. (Historically a queer symbol, just saying.)
  • Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow. “Nice-lookin’ bruise you got there, kid.” I touched my cheek gingerly. “Really?” Two-Bit nodded sagely. “Nice cut, too. Makes you look tough.”
  • I can understand why Sodapop and Steve get into drag races and fights so much, though— both of them have too much energy, too much feeling, with no way to blow it off. (Heh.)
  • In a moment his breathing was light and regular. I turned my head to look at him and in the moonlight he looked like some Greek god come to earth. I wondered how he could stand being so handsome. (Why would you even think that?)

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anonymous asked:

but why do you ship stony? to me it doesn't make any sense at all

sit down son because you’re about to get an essay

First of all I just want to say that I do see the appeal of other ships. I see why people ship Steve/Other People, Tony/Other People and I respect your shipping choice. But for me, Steve and Tony have the most interesting relationship in all of Marvel. I’m not a reader who loves romance stories, not with original characters and not even between my ships sometimes, so it is essential to me that the dynamic to any relationship I read is complex, layered and interesting.

What makes their relationship so interesting for me is their conflicting viewpoints. You’ve got the futurist with the man out of time. The realist with the idealist. They’re almost complete opposites. Tony is brash, loud and an engineer while Steve is introverted, caring and an artist. What they both have in common is that they’re both broken. Steve has been displaced in time and everyone who he cares about is dead except for his best friend who is brainwashed by an evil organisation. Tony didn’t have the happiest of childhoods and has had to hide behind a facade his entire life to protect himself, he was kidnapped by terrorists, betrayed by someone he trusted, poisoned by the thing that was keeping him alive and all that before the first Avengers movie.  

But as some people argue, “They’re too different! They could never work!”

I beg to disagree.

Look at other widely shipped couples. Sherlock and John from Sherlock, the introverted anti-social, sociopathic genius with the sociable, sensitive ex-army doctor. Merlin and Arthur from BBC’s Merlin, the loveable, secretive, poor magician with the spoilt, extroverted, magic-hating prince. Even canon couples, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, the reckless, funny and fun-loving wizard with the uber-intelligent, organised, control-freakish witch.

Why do all these couples work? Because they are opposites with different viewpoints. 

What’s the good in having someone who sees the world in the same way as you do? You’ll just tip further and further towards one side until you are unable to see any other viewpoint apart from your own.

I’m not a shipper who denounces other ships. I see the appeal in all the other popular ships involving these two characters. Hell, I even low-key ship them myself. But I always get drawn back to these two. Why? Well there are many reasons. One is the emotional angst. I freaking adore emotional angst and this ship definitely comes out top out of any ship I can think if. Two is the fact that they would make such a power couple. Seriously, they blew up half the world when they had a fight. Which also makes them a dangerous combination, another thing that appeals to me in ships. Third, I have never found such high quality of fanfic as I have found within this ship. The characterisation of both Steve and Tony within the fics are absolutely spot on the grand majority of the time and for two complex characters like that, it’s extremely hard to get it right. Also the relationship progression within each fic is absolutely beautiful. It isn’t instalove, or strange sexual attraction (unless that’s the point of the fic), Most of the time they start off hating each other and their relationship progresses naturally, usually through the help of the other avengers until they end up friends and then it naturally progresses from there. Also I love how much respect the fic writers have for other ships within the Marvel fandom. Pepper is always treated with such respect, as is Bucky. They acknowledge that Steve and Bucky probably loved each other as more than friends and that Steve and Bucky’s bond runs very, very deep. They also acknowledge hat Tony and Pepper, even though they didn’t quite fit together, also love each other and Pepper is never the “villain” in the relationship. (Also the average fic length is about 20,000 words which just makes it better.) 

Fourth and final reason, although it seems a bit arbitrary and strange, are two quotes I found when I was just getting into Marvel and still differing between different ships. 

“Your first love is only so good until you meet the love of your life.” 

and 

“Your soulmate is not someone that comes into your life peacefully. It is who comes to make you question things, who changes your reality, somebody that marks a before and after in your life. It is not the human being everyone has idealized, but an ordinary person, who manages to revolutionize your world in a second…”

It’s just a coincidence I found those two quotes but they just hit me so hard where Steve and Tony was concerned that I didn’t really look back.

To round up, the Steve/Tony relationship is a tragic story about two opposites who at first found the other jarring and too different from them but found out that what they needed was in the other person, only to have that all torn away by a fight. The cruelest catch is that they can’t ever truly forget each other and they can’t ever forget that maybe they were always better with the other. 

also marvel confirmed that if they admitted their feelings to each other and got married, civil war wouldn’t have happened

and the actors ship it

I’M WEAK FOR ANGSTY SHIPS SO SHOOT ME

finally seeing is believing, or rather, reading is believing so I’m going to leave you with a few examples of some fics that just define this ship for me below the cut.

Keep reading

Ice Cream - Thomas Brodie-Sangster

Your name: submit What is this?

Your Last Name: submit What is this?

Your Friend’s Name: submit What is this?

Guys, this started out as a fluff. I had every intention of making it a fluff and well…

I apologize in advance - N x


Thomas and I had just began our relationship. We were pretty good at keeping it at a low profile and under the radar of the public. I was incredibly ordinary; I wasn’t somebody who could be famous nor did I have that interesting of a life. I couldn’t be a celebrity even if I tried.

Thomas, on the other hand, was incredibly talented. He could play the guitar, the drums, he was a brilliant actor. It was no question why he was so successful.

One day, we were incredibly reckless. Thomas had a bad day and I insisted we get ice cream to cheer him up. 

That was when the paparazzi found us.

The next day, our faces were scattered on every magazine cover on every news stand. There were articles all over the internet. Hate on every corner of every social media. Thomas made an effort to cheer me up, to contradict every piece of hate with something good about me. I kept a heavy smile on my face, trying not to look too bothered by it. I tried not to look bothered by the whispers I’d hear when I crossed the street, the looks I’d get at work.

I was walking back into our apartment after getting some ice cream after a hard day at work. I was about to open the door when I heard him on the phone.

“Daniel, I promise you, she doesn’t mean anything to me!” I heard him assure his manager on the phone. He began to pace. “Y/N Y/L/N means absolutely nothing to me. It’s just a fling,” he told him. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you later,” he sighed, exasperated. I took a deep breath. I wiped away some stray tears and I walked in, a smile on my face. “Hello, love. How was work?” He asked me.

“Fine,” I answered cheerfully. I put the ice cream in the freezer. I walked to the bedroom without another word. I began putting my stuff into a bag. My silence piqued Thomas’ curiosity. He walked into the room and furrowed his eyebrows.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“Packing.”

“I can see that, but why?” He chuckled nervously.

“Because I’m leaving the apartment,” I told him.

“What?” He asked, more seriously. “Why?” I walked to the bathroom and grabbed my toiletries and back to the bedroom and stuffed them into my bag.

Obviously, I couldn’t fit everything in my bag, so I don’t brought probably half my clothes, my shoes, my makeup and other necessities.

“Y/N?” He prompted as I zipped up my bag and put its wheels on the floor. I smiled at him.

“Because flings don’t live together, Thomas.” I told him and his eyes widened. I began walking out with my bag.

“Hey. Wait, Y/N, I can explain.”

“I don’t know if you noticed, Thomas, but I’m not asking you to,” I sighed. I put my keys on the table next to the door.

“Y/N, please just let me explain.”

“Explain what?” I laughed. “That every ‘I love you’ you ever said was a lie? That me moving in, everything, it was all just because you were bored?” I asked. “Thanks, Thomas, but I kind of got that.”

“Y/N, that’s not-”

“Don’t you lie to me, Sangster, don’t even dare,” I warned. I chuckled. “You know, I get it. Your famous and talented. You’re perfect. I’m a nobody. I’m incredibly average at everything I do. I’m not pretty, I’m not especially smart, I get it. I’m not special, I never was. It was my own fault for even letting myself believe that you could love somebody like me.” I wiped a tear from my face. “Goodbye, Thomas.” I walked out, closing the door behind me. He didn’t follow me, which was to be expected, I mean, I was just a fling to him.

I took a cab to my best friend’s house and I explained everything. She let me sleep there for as long as I needed to. 


“Thomas, I know what you did, but dammit, she’s watching the tele!” I could hear F/N whisper into her phone. I wanted to ignore it, but I couldn’t help but listen in. “No! It’s not normal! It’s Y/N! She never watches TV! She streams all her shows on her laptop so she doesn’t have to watch the commercials! I’ve known her for five years and this is the first time I’ve ever seen her hold the remote for cable!” She sighed. “You know what, if you don’t come yourself, I will drag you here myself!” She hung up. I rolled my eyes and just kept watching TV.

In that hour, I learned that I like marble countertops in my kitchen, and that if I had a backsplash, I’d make them white subway tiles.


“How long has she been like this?” I heard a familiar voice whisper. I was still on the couch, mindlessly flipping through channels.

“An hour of flipping channels. Before that she was watching HGTV. Before that, she was flipping through channels since she got here,” F/N whispered back. “You have to fix this, Thomas. She’s… she’s… broken or something.”

“I’m unresponsive, not deaf,” I croaked out. My voice was completely monotone.

“She speaks, apparently,” F/N muttered. “I’ll leave you two alone-”

“Leave us alone and I’ll be baking you pies, cakes, and other pastries until February 30.”

“You mean 28 or 29?”

“No, I mean 30. Three-Zero,” I clarified. I tore my gaze from the tele and looked at my ex and my best friend. “If you didn’t understand, because I find that at least one person in this room and I are prone to having misunderstandings about commitment and what I mean when I say things that even hint at forever, I mean that I’ll be baking. In your house. Forever. I’ll never stop. Well, maybe I’d stop after a week because I’d die of dehydration,” I muttered the last part. I looked back at the tele.

“Y/N,” Thomas began.

“Yes?” I rose an eyebrow.

“Don’t screw this up. This is the most she’s spoken since she explained the whole mess. If you screw up, she may never speak again,” F/N whispered, only half-jokingly.

“No pressure then,” Thomas muttered.

“Oh, no, definitely pressure.” F/N and I answered.

“Okay, F/N, you can go now,” I dismissed. I barely finished what I was saying before she bolted out of the room thanking god. I switched off the TV and stood up, my arms crossed as I looked at my ex.

“I just… I thought you were unhappy. I thought that if I said what I did it would make people leave you alone,” Thomas blurted out. I scoffed and shook my head.

“Thomas, you’re right about one thing. I was unhappy, but I didn’t need you to deny the gravity of our relationship to the world,” I told him. “I was still okay. I was unhappy about the hate, but I wasn’t unhappy about you. You lit up my life. I could deal with it if I had you. So, hearing you say what you did on that day… It tore me apart because then it came to my attention that I didn’t have you. I never did.”

“Y/N…”

“I just… I didn’t need it. Any of it. To be looked at like I was a gold digger at work. That I wanted fame or money. I didn’t need it. I didn’t need to overhear you say that I never meant anything to you. I didn’t need you to even-” I stopped myself because if I continued, I’d begin to cry.

“What did you need then?” He asked. I shook my head. He just broke my heart. I wasn’t just going to open up again the minute he says he’s sorry. For all I knew, he didn’t mean it. Maybe he still thought this was a fling.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Shut me out the minute we’re getting somewhere. You know,” he sighed. He was getting frustrated. “Don’t assume that I wouldn’t understand, either. You don’t know me, Y/N! You can’t dictate what I can and can’t understand! You can’t dictate what I-”

“I needed you!” I screamed, sick of all the yelling. He was silenced as I began to cry. “At the end of what was a really, really bad day, all I needed was you. I just needed you to hug me or laugh or watch a movie or eat pizza and ice cream with me. I needed you, but what I got was you talking on the phone telling someone that I meant nothing to you. Do you have any idea-” I stopped myself. I wiped my tears. “God, Thomas, you killed me,” I whimpered. “You took my heart and you threw it on the floor, stepped on it, incinerated it, and scattered its ashes. I… you were everything to me. You were my universe. I was in Thomasland with the population of probably 20 billion girls, but even then, you chose me,” I looked at him. “Well, what’s what I thought.”

“I told you. I did it for you-”

“No, Thomas. If you did it for me, you would have spoken to me before that and at least warned me about what you were going to say because you’d know that if I ever heard you, I’d be crushed.”

“Are you insinuating that I did it on purpose?” He asked. 

“I’m saying that maybe a part of you did it on purpose.” With that sentence, the house went so quiet, you could hear a pin drop from the second floor.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he spoke. I looked at him sadly.

“I know that maybe another part of you doesn’t… but another part of you does and that part was big enough to ruin our relationship,” I admitted.

“Why are you talking like it already has? Like it’s already over?” He asked. Tears began to well up in his eyes and I sobbed. I shook my head, looking down before looking back at him.

“Because it is.” I sobbed. “It was over the minute I heard you say that I was nothing to you.”

“But I love you.”

“Don’t say that,” I pleaded. He took my wrists.

“I love you.”

“Stop!” I told him. I looked at him. “You can’t do that.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t love me the way I love you!” I cried. “If the roles were reversed, Thomas, I wouldn’t have called my agent or my manager to tell them you meant nothing to me. I’d go online, on a livestream or something and tell everybody the exact opposite; how you’re everything to me. I wouldn’t care if it gave me bad press, because I love you so much that if that was what I had to do, I’d do it. No questions asked.” I put my hand on his cheek. “God, Thomas, I love you so much it hurts.”

“Are you asking me to give up my career for you?” He asked. I shook my head.

“God, no. What I’m saying is that if it were the other way around, I care for you way too much, love you way too much, that if it happened I wouldn’t use it to get good cred about being some stud.” He shut his eyes and tears rolled down his cheeks. I wiped them away gently and I pressed my lips to his forehead, tears of my own streaming down my face. “You should go.” He nodded. I stepped away from him, my hands now at my sides. He began to walk away. He was at the door when he turned around to look at me.

“Good bye, Y/N.” He choked out. I closed my eyes, biting my lips as tears continued to flow down my face.

“Good bye, Thomas.” With that, he walked away.

I haven’t seen him since.

anonymous asked:

hi, could you tell me why people think sirius was in an abusive home please? it's been awhile since i read the books i don't remember anything about that

Of course.
The subject of Sirius’ past abuse rises in Order of the Phoenix and it’s canon that he was at least verbally and emotionally abused by his family til he left home.
I’m just gonna do a quick search and pull some quotes from OOTP. 

“Yoooou!” she howled, her eyes popping at the sight of the man. “Blood traitor, abomination, shame of my flesh!” (Portrait of Walburga Black to Sirius, OOTP Chapter 4)

This is Walburga’s portrait so it’s only a glimpse of her, i can’t imagine the things Sirius heard before he could finally leave Grimmauld Place.
Now, the books are told from Harry’s POV so the hints of Sirius’ abuse are somewhat subtle. Sirius doesn’t speak of his past home life explicitly, maybe because he didn’t have time to deal with it himself either or maybe because he doesn’t want to burden his 15 year old godson with his problems, but it’s all there in the books.

Kreacher bowed again and said, “Whatever Master says,” then muttered furiously, “Master is not fit to wipe slime from his mother’s boots, oh my poor Mistress, what would she say if she saw Kreacher serving him, how she hated him, what a disappointment he was —” (OOTP Chapter 6)
 
“Leave?” Sirius smiled bitterly and ran a hand through his long, unkempt hair. “Because I hated the whole lot of them: my parents, with their pure-blood mania, convinced that to be a Black made you practically royal … my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them … that’s him.”
…. 
“He was younger than me,” said Sirius, “and a much better son, as I was constantly reminded.” (Sirius about his family, OOTP Chapter 6)

Another example of both verbal and emotional abuse Sirius suffered.
We don’t know much about Sirius’ father, but this quote makes me believe that he wasn’t quiet involved with his family’s home life as his wife was.

“It was my father’s,” said Sirius, throwing the ring into the sack. “Kreacher wasn’t quite as devoted to him as to my mother, but I still caught him snogging a pair of my father’s old trousers last week.” (OOTP Chapter 4)


Whether he himself abused Sirius or not, he had not qualms about disowning his own son or the abuse his wife inflicted on him. That’s negligent at best (which still counts as abuse in my book.), though i do think that he also verbally and emotionally abused Sirius at some time.

Then, there’s also Kreacher, who Sirius absolutely loathes.
This is just my own reading, but i think Kreacher also took part in the abuse Sirius suffered, maybe directly or indirectly. This quote, in my opinion, supports my theory.

 “He’s been alone too long,” said Sirius, “taking mad orders from my mother’s portrait and talking to himself, but he was always a foul little —” (Sirius about Kreacher, OOTP Chapter 6) 

Sirius is also uncomfortable and resentful of having to stay alone in the house with Kreacher, no matter how invisible he is.

 “I don’t know,” said Sirius, “I haven’t seen anyone from the Order all weekend, they’re all busy. It’s just been Kreacher and me here…” 
There was a definite note of bitterness in Sirius’s voice. (OOTP Chapter 14) 


There’s also the fact that Sirius was incredibly unhappy because he was back at his childhood home and having to spend time around anything remind him of his family.

Hasn’t anyone told you? This was my parents’ house,” said Sirius. “But I’m the last Black left, so it’s mine now. I offered it to Dumbledore for headquarters — about the only useful thing I’ve been able to do.” 
Harry, who had expected a better welcome, noted how hard and bitter Sirius’s voice sounded. (OOTP Chapter 5)

Sirius heaved another great sigh, cast a dark look at the tapestry, and he and Harry went to join the others. (OOTP Chapter 6) 

 “I don’t like being back here,” he said, staring across the drawing room. “I never thought I’d be stuck in this house again.” (Sirius, OOTP Chapter 6)

Sirius’ mental state during the time he spends in Grimmauld makes me wonder the severity of his abuse. After all, his parents were proud of Regulus for joining the Death Eaters, were they really above physically abusing their children who they “hated” that much? Even if they did, i think the only person Sirius would share it with would have been James so it’s normal that we don’t get a confirmation of this.

Speaking of Sirius’ mental state, all through OOTP Sirius shows clear signs of PTSD and chronic depression, this always gets discarded as Sirius being moody, immature, emotionally unstable or just bored. He tries to repress his feelings which leads to explosive arguments later (Molly, Snape). Sirius already can’t deal with his feelings and he’s constantly getting scorned for his behavior. Wiizarding world is so uneducated on mental health that instead of helping Sirius; they provoke, knowingly trigger and further shut him in a house he was abused in. (I don’t buy for a second that Dumbledore didn’t know what Sirius went through in that house.)
Now look what you’ve made me do, i made myself sad again thinking of my favorite star prince.

B.A.P, Spring comes again and flowers bloom (Interview)

B.A.P has come back with the fourth mini-album, “MATRIX”, containing the six members’ stories. During the year and nine months long hiatus, they each matured and became closer together as one. In the moments they were tired, because they were “holding each other’s hands,” together, the six were able to overcome the difficulties. Due to this, using “youth” as their concept to express their stories was probably the best choice. Witnessing the scenery fade to gray when it is supposed to shine the brightest, theoretically could be something that should not be included in the line “fine spring day” of “youth”; but it could be from this that they were able to understand the true meaning of “youth”.

Q. It’s the first come back in 1 year 9 months, after the “First Sensibility” album. Let’s start with your thoughts on the album.

DAEHYUN: Jongup is going to tell you. Jongup, please speak loudly. (Laughs)
JONGUP: (Highering his tone) Although the hiatus period was long, each member was able to experience and do things that they weren’t able to do before and was able to mature. Since we’re promoting after a long hiatus period, we were half anxious and half worried, but we are happy that we can promote again. (Making a fist) B.A.P fighting!

Q. During the hiatus, when did you most want to stand on stage?
ZELO: It was always. Since we used to promote so actively but suddenly got into a hiatus, everyone probably missed the stage. We were also worried that we have to return back on stage as soon as possible and show everyone good music and stage.

Q. During the 2013 interview, you once been asked, “What is youth.”
BANG YONGGUK: I remember that. I think only I had spoken with the interviewer about it. (Laughs) The members all remember this as well.

Q. As an answer to that question, Bang Yongguk had said, “To speak and come up with a definition for it, I think we are still too young,” and, “I think we can only understand it once we pass our twenty’s adolescence. During our adolescence, I think it is impossible to understand what youth is.” Today, two years later, having themed your album on the concept of “youth”; seeing as you can now speak about “youth”, does this mean that B.A.P has matured enough to do so.
YOUNGJAE: It was something that Yongguk hyung has been thinking about continuously even before creating this album. During the hiatus, even though everyone got lonely, exhausted, and tired, when we all met together we gained strength. While we talked about how we were doing and what will happen if we come back, Yongguk hyung said that there probably isn’t anyone else who has experienced as much as we have at our age and that we could now talk about “youth” to others, so we decided to choose our concept as this.
BANG YONGGUK: If it was in the past, I would have answered this question alone, but in the case of this album, it was something that the members all shared thoughts about, so all six of the members know very well about it.

Q. Are the slogans about “youth” in the teasers something everyone thought of on their own?
BANG YONGGUK: It is what each person thought of as “youth”.

Q. Of those, isn’t Bang Yongguk’s slogan, “Let us be a realist. However, let us dream of the impossible.”? I understand that the quote is from the biography of Che Guevara, someone you like, but in reality, “being a realist,” and “dreaming of the impossible,” are two very contrasting ideals.
BANG YONGGUK: Yes, it is.

Q. If in a situation where you had to pick one, which would you choose?
BANG YONGGUK:
The reason I like that quote from Che Guevara is because it means to become someone with both sensibility and rationality. I’m originally a major idealist. I am not a person that is realistic. However, during the period of our hiatus, what I felt while experiencing many different things was that I myself needed more realistic ideals. This was the reason that this saying might have touched me a little bit more. I like both idealist and realistic views, but with the hopes that everyone could become someone with both realistic and idealistic views during their youth, I decided to use that saying as my slogan. If I had to choose one, I would, of course, choose to be idealistic.

Q. So what is the things that B.A.P wants to say the most through this album?
Bang Yongguk: I don’t think there is a necessity for any additional explanations. This album is an album that holds the stories of the six B.A.P members.

HIMCHAN: In this album, the participation of the members increased. Zelo and Jongup took part in making the choreography and the members all worked hard to decide every content together.

Q. All six members also wrote the lyrics as well. Through what process was “Take You There” created.
BANG YONGGUK: We wrote the fan song together, each of the members wrote their lyrics and sent them to me. I only organized it.

Q. For the first time, Zelo also participated in making the lyrics to a track called “Monologue”.
ZELO: It was included as the intro track. Instead of writing a cliché love song, I was happy that I could write lyrics with a meaningful story behind it. (Everyone applauds)

Q. Looking back, it’s been a while since Zelo became a twenty year old adult. Has the things you can share with your hyungs increased.
ZELO: Did I write the lyrics as a celebration for becoming an adult? (Laughs) When I was younger, I used to be easily embarrassed, but now I can share things only men can say together with the hyungs without restraint. Naturally, it became like that.
HIMCHAN: He’s still cute.
DAEHYUN: Zelo spends a lot of time in practice so even though he became an adult, there hasn’t been a lot of things we got to do together.
ZELO: I still don’t understand the taste of alcohol. Other than drinking it with juice mixed into it, it tastes bad.
BANG YONGGUK: (Looking at Zelo) How did you feel drinking alcohol for the first time after becoming an adult?
ZELO: People told me that since I am now twenty years old, I need to know how to drink alcohol to participate in social activities; so I tried drinking a can beer for the first time and it really tasted bad. When I got a little drink though, the dance moves came out well. (Laughs) Hip-hop wave, ddak!

Q. They say that Zelo and Jongup made the choreography, what was the process like.
ZELO: For better quality, we each made a separate draft. I made the choreography in my style and Jongup hyung also made the draft in his style and decided to include them where we thought would fit the best in the song. We mixed together what we each made for the title track, “Young, Wild&Free). As for the other tracks in the album, Jongup hyung was in charge of “Take You There”, while I did the choreography for “Be Happy.”
JONGUP:: I liked being able to give my input on what would be better. This probably why this performance is more meaningful to us.
HIMCHAN: We also received choreography from abroad. This was all “harmonized” together.
YOUNGJAE: There are parts in the choreography that show off Zelo’s strengths and those that show Jongup’s that I feel we didn’t get show much of in the past B.A.P’s performances. Since debut to our previous album, we received all our choreography from the same one choreographer, so there were some moves that were the same or moves that looked similar, but I feel that the two were able to insert a different feel to the moves to make it more unique.

Q. Were you able to get used to those new choreographies well.
ZELO: It’s already hard getting used to a rhythm, but since the song has a strong feel of genre so getting used to the rhythm was probably even harder.
HIMCHAN: It was hard doing something that I hadn’t been doing.

Q. On the album ‘First Sensibility,’ there were also lots of songs with rock elements, but I am curious to why you guys chose the title as the genre of rock.
ZELO: To be honest, we showed lots of rockish feelings during concerts with arrangements. This time, Yongguk hyung was able to make the title from the start, after we heard it, we just 'wow-ed’ (in awe).
YOUNGJAE: We had lots of talk when we were choosing for this album title’s theme, but all in all, since we were coming back after a long time, it became let’s show them what we can do best at, and let’s do something we can best show them.

Q. Which member suited this album’s concept the best.
YOUNGJAE, HIMCHAN: Jongup-ie
YOUNGJAE: Jongup-ie was so cool. Jongup’s part can only be done by Jongup.

Q. Nonetheless, the photographer said even when Jongup is just standing, (photoshoot) comes out well just like a picture.
JONGUP: Because the ladder is cool… (everyone laughs)
HIMCHAN: Everyone just started having the scents of a man now. Looking at us now after the hiatus, everyone has matured.

Q. How about Himchan. It seems like you lost a lot of weight. Are you still dieting?
HIMCHAN:
No, I gained a lot of weight. I’m trying my best to lose weight but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to fit the image I want. These days I eat a bit because the dance practices. You have to eat to a certain extent to have strength and replenish stamina.

Q. Bang Yongguk lost more weight. Although you usually don’t eat.
BANG YONGGUK:
Since I’m an idol.

Q. Since you’re an idol?
BANG YONGGUK:
Your values have to be un.wave.ring
HIMCHAN: Because we’re professionals. It’s a certainty to the job.

Q. It’s the first time we heard the word ‘idol’ from Bang Yongguk’s mouth.
BANG YONGGUK:
(shyly smiles) ‘let’s be a realist’.

Q. You for sure decided. Bang Yongguk was in charge of producing for the entire ‘MATRIX’ album. What were some good and bad parts of it?
BANG YONGGUK:
The good aspect was we could do what we wanted to do. Before, there was a separate person who did the overall producing and I was sort of the sub-producer. It was a thought we had since before we debuted to make contents by the six members, so when I was given the producer position it was fun being able to fulfil those things one by one. Because it’s our song, we wrote the lyrics for it, and because it’s our album, we put a lot of thought from our styling to our concept. That was the best part of being an artist becoming a producer. How the company sees the artist could be different from how the artist sees themselves. That’s why I think we can produce better things when we do things ourselves. Of course, when the company (produces) for the artist good things come from them too but for it to suit B.A.P, it’s to do it ourselves. It was fun.

Q. Do the members think that too?
DAEHYUN: To talk about the choreography, personally I thought the dance Jongup and Zelo made was really cool and refined and I liked it but on the other hand I was worried about if I could liven it up (the same way). In Jongup’s case, he studies and challenges dance but I’m not a member that can dance very well so there is definitely a difference. I worked hard to keep up but it doesn’t come out (as nicely) as Jongup. Instead, I sing. (Laugh)

Q. Did Producer Bang Yongguk ask more of from the vocals?
BANG YONGGUK:
I wanted to try a lot of challenging things but I thought (it would be best) to push it off for next time. The priority of this album was to tell our story so I put off musicality. Instead when we said we wanted to make a album of our story, of B.A.P’s story, we produced thinking of the six members. So it was actually easier when we were making it, and the parts (of the song) naturally amongst the members fell into place. We had fun recording.

Q. Then, at present the ‘matrix(foundation)’ of BAP’s music is the members right?
BANG YONGGUK:
Nowadays people use this word a lot. ‘Muse’. For me, while working on this album the members were my ‘muse’.

Q. Not just this album but looking at it overall, what do you consider as BAP’s musical base (the foundations of your music). From where do you think it originates?
BANG YONGGUK:
Since our debut I thought the foundation of BAP’s music was ‘a message’. And I composed and made music with that in mind. Even in this album I can’t say that there isn’t a message. Because it’s our story isn’t that a sort of message too? Of course to people who don’t know us they could just see it as yet another idol group’s album, so they may not be able to relate to it but because it’s us it holds a special meaning. Obviously it (the album) wasn’t made in order to criticise a social issue like we have in the past but I think that a singer sharing their story through singing, as an idol group that’s a meaningful piece of art in my opinion. I want to take pride in this piece of work.

Q. Do you think music should always have a ‘message’?
BANG YONGGUK: Yes

Q. These days there are a lot of songs that aren’t like that. It feels like meaningless lyrics put on a melody.
BANG YONGGUK: Are you talking about the type of music when you hear the lyrics and couldn’t understand what they were saying? I think it’s because it became a fad in Kpop to make adaptations of foreign songs. When you’re trying to adapt Korean lyrics into a melody line made for English lyrics, it probably gets changed a little bit.

Q. In ‘monologue’ Himchan’s  narration ‘however we held hands again, and as six, all of us with our feet together so that no one would fall, we got ready to run once more’ remains in our memory. What are the six of you to one another?
HIMCHAN: We can’t not talk about this and just move on. We went through a really big issue. During this time, I’m sure all the members felt like this, even without doing anything it’s mentally draining and difficult. During those times the people I relied on the most and gave me the most strength were the members.

Q. You all have been together for so long, are there aspects of one another that you took on in yourself?
HIMCHAN: Of course. (Jokingly) It’s a big problem because Zelo is resembling me nowadays!
ZELO: In what ways? I’m not gonna resemble you~
HIMCHAN: This kind of things, this kind! (All laugh) Already resembling me, you. Since the members are always together a lot of the time, we share a lot of things together so there are a lot we resemble.
DAEHYUN: We learn the bad things, and we learn the good things. (Laughs) It’s just, because we know each other’s good and bad points and we act accordingly without much discomfort so we fit together well like a puzzle. So I really like it.
HIMCHAN: Why, no matter how close we are we are still not blood related. It can’t be helped that there are some uncomfortable aspects. Fundamentally you think of what this friend doesn’t like so I need to try not to do it and not give him trouble, but a lot of that has gone away. It’s right, that we seeped into each other.
DAEHYUN: It’s something your body instinctively learns, even without words or thinking about it.

Q. What do you think you’ll be talking about around this time of year next year?
JONGUP: It’s cold today too. Hehe.
DAEHYUN:Let’s eat, what should we eat.
HIMCHAN: I think it’ll be the same as now. There’s a saying ‘There may be change but stay unchanged’. The way we think and feel may change, but we’ll always be the same way. Unchanged.

Q. There are different cycles of life. When there’s an uphill, there is a downhill and there are times where you walk on flat land. Where do you think you are now.
DAEHYUN:
It is a new start.
HIMCHAN: We are going back up from the ground.

Q. Are you saying you’re starting from 0 again.
DAEHYUN:
(When it’s that way) our hearts are comfortable too.
HIMCHAN: We are drawing a new picture of B.A.P.
BANG YONGGUK: We always liked thinking that way. Even if we are at an 80, we keep it at a 10. So when we work I think it gives you more momentum. I know we are on our way up but we think a little below it. If we look at life as graph, even right now we think we’re at 0 and starting over again, and work.

Q. If you were to say what you want to to the fans who waited for BAP and to all the people who will love BAP in the future?
HIMCHAN:
to all the people who waited for us and to the people who know/ will come to know about us: in the future we expect to show you a good image without pause, we will stay forever thankful and always do our activities with the utmost modesty.
JONGUP: to all the people who liked us since before and to all the people who will like us in the future while coming together through our music and our performances let’s burn up our youth!
DAEHYUN: Just considering the fact that our fans waited for us until now, I really think we have to work hard. As Himchan said I think the answer is for us to show you a better image, better music and better performances. Aja(fighting)!
YONGGUK: I hope you look forward to BAPs activities and I would like to promise that we will show you as much a good image as your expectations.
YOUNGJAE: I feel sorry to our fans who had to deal with our hiatus. To make up for that and to show you our feelings we try to work even harder.
ZELO: to the people who will like us in the future I would like to say that we will continue to show you cool stages without forgetting to stay humble. To our fans who waited for us during our hiatus….all that time has become blood and flesh now* we will repay it by showing you an even better image
T/N:* line from Zelo’s rap in Monologue.
To become blood and flesh: to gain something good out of a long struggle.

Q, If there’s something you always wanted to say, but couldn’t, let’s say it now as the real last (question).
DAEHYUN:
(Quickly) Babys I love you!
YOUNGJAE: Me too! I really love Babys!
BANG YONGGUK: (While smiling) You’re all  overflowing with love.

trans cr; nicole, woojung, tima & sojeong @ baptrans ; take out with full credit

more than bargained for

type: jeonghan scenario

genre: fluff/slight angst

word count: 1,296

summary: jeonghan comes over for a movie night but watching movies isn’t the only thing that happens (this makes it sound smutty it’s not it’s pg-13 at best)


You pulled the popcorn out of the microwave, holding the bag by your fingertips and setting it gently on the counter. Gingerly pulling the corners of the bag open, you spilled the popcorn into the bowl you had laid out, drizzled some butter on it and shook the popcorn into the bowl, trying to mix it up. Movie nights had become an annual thing for you and your best friend, Jeonghan, and each time you got together, you both loved to snack on buttery popcorn.

The doorbell rang out as you transferred the snacks to the living room. You ran to the door, a grin on your face as soon as you opened the door. Jeonghan stood before you, decked out in a plain button up shirt and skinny jeans, with a beanie situated perfectly atop his head. He grinned in return, holding up four DVD’s.

“I was feeling an Emma Stone marathon, so I brought Superbad, Zombieland, Easy A, and The Amazing Spiderman, just so we had options,” he announced cheekily. He knew how much you loved Emma Stone, and you couldn’t help but be touched by his sweet gesture. You stepped forward and laced your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a warm hug.

“I’ve missed you,” you commented, taking a moment to soak in his embrace before stepping away and allowing him to enter the house. The two of you chatted briefly as you padded to the living room and got comfy, deciding that your first movie of the night would be Easy A.

Throughout the film, you both quoted your favourite lines, laughing hysterically at all of the jokes. This was one of your favourite movies, and you found it hard to resist quoting it word for word. Every once in a while, Jeonghan would smack you as he tried to listen intently to the dialogue, causing you to burst into a fit of giggles.

The night began to fly by though, until soon enough, you two had moved on to Zombieland. At some point, you had shifted so that you were tucked neatly into Jeonghan’s chest, his arm resting comfortably behind you on the couch. For some reason, you could feel his eyes on you as you watched the screen before you.

Finally, you turned to him, shocking him slightly as you caught his gaze. “Penny for your thoughts?” You murmured, sensing he had something on his mind as you peered up at him. He bit his lip, a brief silence passing as he looked down at his lap, now seemingly too embarrassed to meet your eyes.

You sat patiently, waiting for a moment before he finally turned to face you, making direct eye contact. When he spoke, his words shocked you. “I love you, Y/N. I think I have for a long time. But sitting here with you, like this, just makes it all the more clear to me.” You could only stare at him in surprise, unable to form any kind of response. Jeonghan didn’t dwell on this thought as he continued to speak.

“And for so long, I haven’t said anything because I didn’t want to ruin what we have. You’re my best friend, Y/N, and the last thing I want is to lose you. But god, I just don’t think I can hide this anymore. I want to be with you so badly. And you may not feel the same, and that’s okay. I just…I needed to tell you how I really feel.” He admitted, scratching the back of his neck nervously. He shifted his gaze back to you, and you could tell he was trying to mask any sense of expectancy.

A moment of silence passed as you digested what he had just said. You and Jeonghan had been friends since the two of you were in diapers, and it never really occurred to you to think of him in that way. But the happiness you felt whenever he was around and the ease to your relationship could allow you to see something more happening.

With your thoughts somewhat gathered, you tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, preparing to speak. “Wow, Jeonghan. I had no idea you felt this way…and honestly, I hadn’t really though about us like this before,” you uttered, a feeling of panic rising in your chest when you noticed a look of dejection cross his face.

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t want something to happen between us! Wow, that sounded dumb. Uh, basically what I’m trying to say is that I really care about you Jeonghan, and I love having you in my life. And I think that now that you’ve told me this, I can see you as more than just my best friend.” You explained nervously. A soft blush rushed to your cheeks as a grin crept onto Jeonghan’s face, a warm feeling spreading throughout your body. A sense of relief was obviously felt by both parties now that you had both gotten that off your chest. You let the feeling sink in for a moment, goose bumps rising on your body as Jeonghan shifted closer.

“Can we just see where this might lead?” He questioned softly, slowly leaning in until your faces were only inches apart. Your breath hitched in your throat, your heart thumping in your chest. You couldn’t help but melt a little as you gazed into his warm, chocolate brown eyes. You had never been this close to him before, and there was a special energy between you that made you wonder why this was only just happening now.

“I think we can try,” you whispered against his lips, at last closing the distance between you two. Kissing Jeonghan felt like one of the most natural things in the world. His lips folded perfectly against yours as they moved in unison, starting a fire deep within you. Your hands moved to the nape of his neck, slipping themselves into his long locks. He cupped your cheek in his calloused hands, his thumbs gently tracing your cheeks. Tingles spread throughout your body and the world around you faded into a gentle haze.

At last he pulled away, hovering an inch away from your now swollen lips. Your rough breathing matched his as you felt your heart racing within your chest. You opened your eyes slowly, and the two of you shared a knowing look. For some reason, you had a strong feeling that from here on things would never be the same.

A loud crash sounded in the background, and you caught a glimpse of the television screen to see the characters fighting off some zombies. You turned back to Jeonghan, seeing him in a whole different light now. “We’re missing the movie,” you murmured, earning a chuckle from him as he briefly turned his attention as well. Hanging his head sheepishly before glancing back up you with a cheeky grin. He stayed silent for a moment, finally speaking with a hint of seriousness in his tone.

“So what does this mean? For us?” He questioned gently, reaching over to fix a strand of hair that had fallen in your face in the most unruly of fashions. You blushed softly, slightly melting into his touch. There was a part of you that couldn’t help but sit and drink in his appearance in complete adoration.

To answer his question, you leaned in once more, briefly pressing your lips to his in a sign of your acceptance. You broke the kiss, grinning as you settled back into his arms, resting your head against his chest. He snaked his arm around you, leaning down to kiss your forehead.  You couldn’t help but revel over how amazing this simple movie night had turned out to be.


a/n: i deadass write too many movie night scenarios someone just try and stop me

George Harrison, 1968, photographed by Bill Zygmant

George Harrison Is A Rocker Again!
By Alan Smith, NME, 21 September 1968

“‘Richard. Little Richard. That’s who I’d love to record. He’s a fantastic character with a fantastic voice - and whether he’s singing rock or gospel, he’s still great.’

George Harrison unconsciously tapped his soft shoe in rhythm as he talked and we both jumped at the deep end of nostalgia as we chatted about the good old days when Elvis was King and Richard used to tuttifrutti his head off.

Extending his 'I’m a Rocker Again’ thesis and continuing his comments reported recently George said he didn’t care to dwell on the 'Mystical Beatle George’ anymore.

'It’s still all "Within You, Without You,”’ he added, 'but I don’t want to go into that anymore 'cuz now I’m being a rock and roll star.’

The crooked grin broke into a crooked smile.

Keep reading

Trials and Tribulations Chapter 71

Saturday morning, three weeks later, Lauren was taking the usual route from her house to Camila’s, her red Chevrolet cruising easily along the quiet suburban streets of Miami in the warm spring air. She had her window rolled down and a strong breeze swept throughout the vehicle, tousling her hair as she sang along to the song on her stereo enthusiastically.

Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulders. Don’t you know? The hardest part is over. Let it in, let your clarity define you, in the end, we will only just remember how it feels. All lives are made, in these small hours, these little wonders, these twists and turns of fate. Time falls away but these small hours still remain.” She sang happily, Rob Thomas’ lyrics making her smile brightly, their meaning now holding much more significance to her then they’d ever had previously.

She remembered every single word effortlessly, her memory possessing an extraordinary talent for retaining them despite the fact that she hadn’t heard the song for years. Lauren tapped the steering wheel rhythmically with the music as she drove and found herself feeling thankful to the listener who had called the station and requested it, the song matching her mood perfectly.

 “Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you. Let it shine, ‘til you feel it all around you. And I don’t mind, if it’s me you need to turn to. We’ll get by. It’s the heart that really matters in the end. All lives are made, in these small hours, these little wonders, these twists and turns of fate. Time falls away but these small hours still remain.” She continued contentedly, her sunglasses perched on the bridge of her nose to protect her eyes from the sun, which sat blindingly low in the morning sky.

“All of my regret will wash away somehow, but how can I forget, the way I feel right now…” She trailed off, humming along to the tune as the song built up once more to repeat a final chorus.

Right now, at this exact moment, Lauren felt blissful. There was no other word which seemed to more accurately describe her current disposition. She was blissful, in almost every way and in every single aspect of her life.

For the first time, possibly ever, Lauren was perfectly happy.

“When did that happen?” she thought to herself, grinning broadly at the realisation as she turned left onto a street a few blocks away from Camila’s house.

It had seemed like only yesterday that the small, troubled brunette had blundered; quite literally, in to Lauren’s life and to say that it had been smooth sailing ever since would be nothing but wildly inaccurate. They’d suffered their fair share of difficulties since last fall, Camila’s health, both mentally and physically, featuring prominently amongst them. However, ever since she and Camila had sat down with Rachel and put their problematic past behind them, something had changed. It seemed, at last, that the storm truly had started to calm and the sea was once again, not only smooth, but almost serene.

The last few weeks had been filled with nothing but good days for the couple, enjoyable dates and comfortable conversations about nothing of any great importance. Evenings were spent lying together on Camila’s bed; their arms wrapped around one another’s body as they listened to their favourite songs or watched movies which made them burst out in to fits of uncontrollable laughter.

Lauren could feel it undoubtedly, that unexpected shift which had taken place, the subtle change of tide. Now every day that passed seemed to bring with it a better view of the horizon, the thick, oppressive fog lifting, and the waves settling, so that she could now see the shore in the immediate distance once again.

“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor,” Lauren thought, the memory of her and Camila’s first date coming back to her almost instantly, the reflective tone of her girlfriend’s voice from that night echoing in her ears as though they were once again sat together alone under the stars.

Lauren had never heard that quote before she’d met Camila, but now, it held a special place in her heart alongside her girlfriend, the two things eternally linked together by the significant part they’d played in her life; by her love for them. Lauren’s eyes fell reflexively to the promise ring that Camila had gotten for her with the quote engraved inside, the sunlight shimmering off the silver band and into her eyes as she studied it closely.

A smooth sea didn’t make a skilled sailor. Lauren was almost certain of that. She’d realised over the course of her relationship with Camila that the only way to learn and grow was to face your difficulties, your own personal challenges, with a steely sense of determination, and most importantly, your best possible effort. It would be hard sometimes and you would struggle, you’d flounder until the point of giving up, until you verged on the precipice of defeat, the waves of despair seemingly too high to escape. There would be days that you would fail, where you would allow water to crash upon your deck, where you’d consider just allowing yourself to drown in them. There was no shame in that, in believing a situation to be hopeless, no shame at all as long as you didn’t permit it to be, as long as you kept urging yourself forward, as long as you kept trying. A bumpy ride was practically guaranteed but, if you persisted, if you kept your faith that the bad weather would break, if you continued to bail just one bucket of briny water every day, you’d find yourself approaching dry land again, the promise of solid ground beneath your feet, making you hopeful and optimistic, propelling you towards it with renewed enthusiasm.

After months of sailing turbulent water, of navigating the rough sea, Lauren and Camila were practically at the end of their voyage. They were on the home straight and everything was finally coming together. The squalls were still strong around them, forceful enough to knock them slightly off course but not enough to sink them completely and the waves had diminished greatly, so that although they rocked their vessel they were not powerful enough to overturn it.

Lauren could see the shore on the horizon now. She got a better glimpse of it every single day that passed without difficulty, with nothing but quiet ease, and she knew that once they were safely home, when they’d finally docked their ship in the harbour and stood once again on the firm earth, they’d realise, the troublesome journey they’d had didn’t matter, not when the destination was so beautifully scenic and tranquil. It wouldn’t matter because they’d have made it, they’d have survived and they’d both be stronger for it, more resilient. They would have survived and they’d have found themselves in a place filled with clear skies and nothing more than a gentle summer breeze, a place where they could bask in the golden glow of the sun, as she did now, a place where they could warm their waterlogged bones, where they’d both be happy; blissful, together.

Lauren wasn’t naïve enough to think that rainclouds wouldn’t dampen the sky again at some point, that another storm wouldn’t break against the shore and wash away the sand with the ferocity of the tide. The last nine months had taught her nothing, if not that. Happiness was not a permanent state; it ebbed and flowed, just like the waves. There would be good and bad days. The important thing was to remember that you could not have one without the other. So, she had learnt to no longer worried about it. She no longer feared another hurricane, another downpour, another storm.  If she was certain of anything, it was this; she’d already survived one tempest, she could damn well survive another one.

“No, a smooth sea will never make a skilled sailor,” Lauren thought to herself as she pulled up outside of Camila’s house and spied her girlfriend sitting on the front step, a book, as always, in her hands, “but do you know what it does make? It makes for a pretty fucking perfect existence.” She noted, smiling to herself at the sight of her girlfriend’s obvious enthrallment in the story she held, her eyes remaining fixed on the page, unaware of her arrival.  

Lauren switched off the engine and climbed out of the car, closing the door firmly behind her, the loud thud enough to rouse Camila’s attention from the hardback in her hands. She looked up and smiled at the green-eyed girl approaching, her right hand waving animatedly in greeting as she closed the book in her left hand and stood up.

“Hey,” Camila said warmly, tossing the book on to the concrete step behind her haphazardly as Lauren continued up the path toward her, lifting her sunglasses up to rest on the top of her head.

“Hi,” Lauren returned, embracing Camila in her arms and planting a tender kiss against her girlfriend’s soft lips in greeting. “What are you doing out here?”

“I was waiting for you,” Camila told her and Lauren smiled at the admission as she released the smaller girl. 

“You were?” she asked and Camila nodded her head before gesturing at the book which lay discarded on the ground.

“Yeah, I couldn’t wait to see you,” she answered bashfully, her cheeks growing red, “and it’s such a nice day today so I thought I’d sit out here and read until you arrived,” Camila explained.

“What were you reading?” Lauren questioned interestedly, her gaze falling onto the abandoned book which sat on Camila’s front door step, trying to read it’s the title.

“Eleanor & Park,” she responded, a pleased smile of her own appearing on her face at Lauren’s interest.

“I don’t think I’ve read that.” Lauren mused aloud. “Is it any good?”

“I only started it ten minutes ago,” she informed the taller girl undecided, shrugging her shoulders. “It looks promising though.”

“What’s it about?” Lauren questioned and Camila bent down to retrieve the book from where it lay, handing it over for her to examine.

“It’s about two teenagers who fall in love,” Camila spoke as Lauren read the summary, her eyes lifting off the back cover to meet the soft brown of her girlfriend’s when she’d finished.

“You know you’ll probably be heart-broken by the end of it right?” Lauren said, handing Camila back her book. “These stories never end happily. One character always ends up dying or breaking the other character’s heart.”

“Not always,” Camila disagreed, studying the cover of the book and turning it over in her hands. “Sometimes authors surprise you.” She commented. “Besides,” she added thoughtfully, “my heart is being fixed today so how broken could it possibly get?”

Lauren reached a hand up and brushed a strand of hair out of Camila’s eyes.

“Knowing you? Lauren asked rhetorically. “It’ll be shattered.” She said, laughing lightly. “You’re such a hopeless romantic babe,” she informed her kindly, her fingertips tracing the scar above Camila’s left eyebrow delicately. “I remember the mess that you were in when you finished reading ‘The Fault in Our Stars.’” She reminded her. “Your heart literally breaks in to a thousand tiny little pieces each time you read one of these books. So, tell me when you’re getting near to the end and I’ll bring you some ice cream to help numb the pain, ok?”

“You’d bring me ice cream to help me get over the heartbreak of two fictional characters?” Camila asked, her eyes glistening brightly in the morning sun and emphasizing her smile.

“Of course,” Lauren replied, placing one hand on Camila’s shoulder. “I love how you get so invested in the stories you read Camz. It’s one of my favourite things about you. You’re so passionate about literature.” She continued, pausing to reach for Camila’s free hand with her own. “I could sit and watch you read for hours,” she admitted, squeezing her girlfriend’s small hand fondly. “You’re so empathetic and sensitive that it’s like you almost disappear in to the story yourself.” She disclosed affectionately. “Your face undergoes a million different subtle changes in expression depending on what’s happening on the pages in front of you and I can practically see the story unfold through your eyes, they’re so damn emotive.”

Lauren stroked Camila’s upper arm lightly with her fingertips.

“So, if you’re sad because two people that you fell in love with don’t get their happy ending, well, then I’ll bring you ice cream, ok?” Lauren said. “I’ll bring you ice cream and I’ll hold you close until you’re not sad anymore, because all fictional characters are based loosely on someone, all stories have some basis in life and there’s nothing wrong with mourning the loss of love and being sensitive to other people’s sorrow.”

Camila exhaled slowly, her mouth curving up in to a lopsided smile at the tone of sincerity in Lauren’s voice.

“Do you really mean that?” Camila asked and Lauren nodded, her hands reaching up and cupping the smaller girl’s cheeks.

“Yes,” Lauren answered. “I do.” She confirmed, kissing Camila softly on the lips, the pad of her left thumb grazing her right cheek lovingly.

“I’m really glad that you’re coming to the hospital with me today.” Camila told Lauren truthfully, her eyes meeting the green of her girlfriend’s.

“Did you really think that I wouldn’t?” Lauren questioned chuckling lightly and Camila shook her head.

“No,” she replied and Lauren’s brow furrowed as she tried to read Camila’s countenance, the smaller girl appearing thoughtful, her eyes seemingly looking through Lauren to something in the distance.

“Are you worried?” Lauren asked probingly, wanting to reassure her if necessary.

“About the procedure?” she queried, her eyes flitting back to Lauren’s green ones.

“Yeah,” Lauren responded.

“No. Not really.” Camila told her honestly, a smile appearing on her lips again as Lauren’s hand caressed her brow, just over her scar. “My doctor said it’s pretty straight-forward. Just a few quick shocks to the heart and voila, no more chest pain and no more palpitations.”

“Sounds good to me,” Lauren commented gladly.

“Me too,” Camila agreed.

“So what time do we need to be at the hospital?” Lauren asked, removing her hand from the side of Camila’s face as the smaller girl turned around and stepped back over to the front door.

“We’ve got about twenty minutes before we need to leave,” Camila answered having glanced quickly at her watch and registered the time.

She opened the door for her girlfriend and Lauren stepped inside, Camila following after her and shutting the door shut in their wake. She placed the book which she still held in one of her hands on to the hall table.

“Have you got everything you need ready?” Lauren questioned as Jasper bounded over to her excitedly.

She crouched down to stroke him as Camila answered.

“Yeah, I just need to pack a few overnight things,” Camila said, wandering over to the stairs and starting to ascend them, Lauren standing back up and following after her.

“I thought that it was a day procedure,” Lauren remarked, sounding surprised. “Why do you need to take some overnight things? I thought you didn’t have to stay in.”

“I don’t,” Camila acknowledged, casting a quick look at Lauren over her shoulder as she reached the landing, “but, they told me to pack something just in case and I want to be prepared.”

“You won’t have to stay in,” Lauren assured her confidently. “Everything is going to go exactly the way it’s meant to and you’ll be home, eating takeaway pizza, before you know it.”

“Damn right I will be,” Camila stated, opening her bedroom door and walking inside. “I’ve not been able to eat anything since I went to bed last night because I need a general anaesthetic and I’m starving.” She complained, emphasizing the last word, her hand finding its way to her stomach meaningfully. “I don’t think I’ll have any problem eating an entire, no wait, maybe two entire pizzas to myself later.”

“Well, when you get home you can have as many pizzas as you want Camz,” Lauren promised from her position just outside her girlfriend’s bedroom door.

She watched as Camila walked over to her dresser and started digging through the drawers in search of some pyjamas, her girlfriend finally retrieving a pair of cotton shorts and her Ed Sheeran t-shirt which she soon packed into the small holdall that sat half full and already waiting, on her bed.

Out of the corner of her eye, Lauren noticed a slight, almost imperceptible movement down the hallway to the left and she looked in its direction, a smile gracing her lips as her eyes fell on Sofi, who had poked her head around her bedroom door inquisitively at the sound of their voices.  The young girl grinned broadly when she noticed Lauren standing there watching her and she pulled back the door a little more, her hand waving at the older girl enthusiastically in greeting.

Lauren waved back at Camila’s sister and Sofi beckoned her over with her hand, appearing secretive, a watchful look on her features which made the green-eyed girl frown in confusion.

“Lauren?” Camila urged gently, waiting for an answer to a question which Lauren apparently hadn’t heard.

“Yeah Camz,” Lauren said, her head snapping forward at the sound of her name, completely oblivious.

“Didn’t you hear what I said?” Camila asked, sensing Lauren’s distraction.

“Ugh, no.” she admitted, making an apologetic face. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s ok,” Camila told her genuinely, a puzzled expression crossing her own face at Lauren’s behaviour. “I just wondered whether you thought I needed to take my medical alert bracelet to the hospital with me.” She repeated for her girlfriend’s benefit. “I mean, I’m not supposed to wear any metal during the procedure so I thought it might be easier to just leave it at home, that way I won’t lose it. You and my mom will be there with me the whole time, plus they’ll have my medical records so, it’s kind of pointless having it on me isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is babe,” Lauren responded, glancing down the hallway towards Sofi who was beckoning her over again. “You should leave your bracelet here.” She said, returning her attention to Camila once again. “They’ll know that you’re epileptic without it.”

“Ok, thanks,” Camila said pleased with Lauren’s support.

She removed the bracelet from her wrist and turned around to put it on the bedside cabinet.

“Hey Camz, I’m just going to go to the bathroom while you finish up in here alright?” Lauren asked her, casting another quick glance down the hallway at Sofi who was waving her over desperately.

“Sure,” Camila said, looking at Lauren over her shoulder as she placed a hairbrush and her iPod into the holdall.

Once securely deposited in the bag, Camila stepped over to her closet and Lauren, seeing her opportunity, walked hurriedly down the hallway towards Sofi’s room, the younger girl opening the door wide to let her in.

Sofi shut the door quickly behind her and rushed over to Lauren.

“Hi!” she greeted noisily, her hand reaching up to cover her mouth swiftly when she realised her mistake.

“Hi Sofi,” Lauren returned, her voice hushed, understanding that Sofi had intended for this conversation to be private. “Is everything ok?” she asked, crouching down in front of the small girl.

“Yes,” Sofi whispered, getting her own volume in check. “It is now that you’re here.”

“Now I’m here?” Lauren asked mystified.

“Mmhmm,” Sofi responded. “I didn’t think you were going to come and I was scared.”

“Why were you scared?” Lauren questioned, feeling a pang of sadness at Sofi’s words.

“I was scared because I thought maybe you weren’t going to make it in time to go to the hospital with Camila but you have to go with her,” she explained speedily, all the air rushing out of her lungs in one quick breath. “You have to go otherwise she’ll get sick again and she’s so much better.” Sofi continued hastily, tugging on Lauren’s arm pleadingly. “She plays chase with me and Jasper in the garden all the time now.” She divulged brightly. “She even spins me around when she catches me and it’s so much fun because a few times she couldn’t hold me properly with her hand and I fell over on the ground. It makes it more exciting when that happens. Mama worries but it makes me laugh and all the air goes ‘whoosh’ out of my lungs.”

“Sofi,” Lauren said, her tone caring as she placed a hand on the girls’ shoulder reassuringly. “Camz is going to be fine ok. She won’t get sick again, I promise.”

“I know she won’t,” Sofi responded optimistically clapping her hands together. “Not now that you’re going to go to the hospital with her.” Sofi responded, jumping up on the spot happily. “You’ll make sure that she’s ok. I know you will. You just…you have to remember to hold her hand ok? Otherwise your powers won’t work on her,” She told her. “You have to hold her hand, please?” she begged and Lauren beamed as she finally comprehended what Sofi was talking about.

“Oh,” she said in realisation, her mouth drawing out the word for a moment. “You’re talking about my unicorn powers.” she asked and Sofi nodded.

“You’re going to protect her aren’t you?” The young girl inquired anxiously.

“Of course I will,” Lauren confirmed. “I’m always going to take care of her.”

“You will?” Sofi pressed uncertainly, requiring further assurance.

“Yeah Sofi,” Lauren answered smiling. “I love your sister so much. I’ll always look after her. I’d never let anything hurt her, ok?”

“Ok,” Sofi said, seemingly placated by Lauren’s promise.

“Ok,” Lauren repeated and Sofi tugged on her arm and pulled her over to her bed excitedly.

“Look what I made for her,” Sofi instructed, pointing to a picture which sat on top of her duvet.

Lauren picked the sheet of paper up and smiled at the image which had been carefully drawn in crayon on the page.

“This is you?” Lauren asked, putting the picture back on the bed and pointing to a small stick figure drawing in a pink dress.

“Yeah,” Sofi verified. “That’s me and then this,” she said, pointing to a slightly taller stick figure wearing what looked like jeans and a top, “this is Camila.”

“Ok,” Lauren said feigning serious consideration and pretending to study the picture carefully. “So then, this must be Jasper.” She noted, pointing to a small brown and white blob in between the two girls.

“Mmhmm,” Sofi agreed. “We’re at the park.” She told Lauren.

“I can see that,” Lauren returned, her eyes admiring the playground which was visible in the background of the picture.

“It’s from when we all went together.” Sofi explained. “This is you here.” She shared, her small index finger stabbing the page over a third stick figure with long dark hair.

“This is me?” Lauren asked, flattered that Sofi would include her in her drawing.

“Yeah,” she said. “See, you can tell because you’re wearing a unicorn jumper.”

Lauren hadn’t noticed that little detail before and she found herself grinning broadly as her eyes settled on the image.

“What are these hearts for?” Lauren asked curiously, pointing at the little red motifs dotted around the page.

“They’re our heartbeat memories,” Sofi told her as if it should be obvious. “This picture is a heartbeat memory too. It’s one of mine that I made so I drew it. It’s one of my favourites.”

“It is?” Lauren asked feeling a little choked at the younger girl’s sentiment.

“Yes,” Sofi shared. “It was fun and I liked spending time with you and Camila. Plus, none on my friends know a real life unicorn.”

Lauren laughed to herself and placed a hand on top of Sofi’s head to ruffle her hair. “I liked spending time with you too.” She told the smaller girl honestly.

“Do you think she’ll like it?” Sofi asked doubtfully, looking at her creation on the bed.

“I think she’ll love it,” Lauren told her confidently.

“Will you come with me to give it to her?” Sofi asked picking the picture up.

“Sure,” Lauren replied and Sofi took hold of Lauren’s hand with her free one and led her towards the door, pausing only long enough to open it before guiding her down the hallway to Camila’s room.

“Hi Sofi,” Camila greeted the youngster affectionately when she noticed her standing in the doorway timidly.

She finished zipping up her holdall and threw it on to the floor at the end of the bed as Lauren came in to view.

“Lauren…” she added frowning, noticing her girlfriend’s hand entwined with her sisters, “what’s going on?”

“I bought you something,” Sofi said taking a large step towards Camila, the hand holding the drawing outstretched between them.

“What’s this?” Camila asked, taking the sheet of paper and examining it. “Is this us?”

“Yep,” Sofi answered, biting her bottom lip in the same adorable way that Camila often did when she wasn’t sure of herself. “It’s when we all went to the park together…”

“It’s beautiful,” Camila praised her genuinely, lowering herself on to one knee in front of her sister and pulling her in to a warm hug, the picture still in her grasp.

Lauren released the smaller girls’ hand so that she could reciprocate the gesture and Camila kissed the side of Sofi’s face gratefully.

“I’m going to take it with me to the hospital,” she expressed, placing a hand on top of Sofi’s head and stroking her hair. “That way I’ll be smiling the whole time I’m there.”

“You will?” Sofi asked cheerfully.

“Yeah,” Camila replied enthusiastically, casting a quick look at Lauren who was watching the exchange with a smile on her face. “It’s so pretty.” She commended. “It should be in an art gallery with all the other great artists but I’m selfish.” She said, her voice lowering to a whisper. “I want to keep it for myself. Is that ok?”

Sofi nodded her head ecstatic at the compliment.

“When I get home later I’m going to put it up on my wall,” Camila shared, looking around her room for a space large enough to home the image and struggling to find anywhere.

When Lauren had first met Camila, her bedroom walls were barren. There were no pictures, no posters, and no photographs. There had been nothing decorating them. Now though, the opposite was true and it was almost impossible to find a single area of exposed wallpaper, mementos and keepsakes securely fixed around the entire room.

“Where do you think we should put it?” Camila asked her sister, a look of concentration on her face as she tried to find a suitable place.

“You should put it there,” Sofi said, pointing up at the ceiling above Camila’s bed.

Camila glanced at Lauren who wore an expression matching her own, a bright, amused smile.

“That is the perfect spot,” Camila said, her ceiling plain and unadorned. “That way I can look at it every night before I go to sleep.”

“Mija!” Sinu called from the bottom of the stairs, interrupting their conversation. “It’s time to go. Are you ready?”

“Yes,” Camila returned, craning her neck in an attempt to look around Lauren who still stood in the doorway of her room. “I’ll be right down.”

She turned her attention back to her sister and hugged her again, kissing her first on the cheek and then on the forehead.

“I’ll see you later,” Camila said, leaning back to look at Sofi again.

“Ok,” Sofi said, casting a quick, significant look at Lauren.

“Try to have fun at the zoo with papi, alright?” Camila encouraged. “Then when you get home later we’re going to have pizza and watch some movies together.”

“You promise?” Sofi asked.

“I promise,” Camila said confidently, hugging Sofi again. “Thank you for the picture. I really love it.”

“You won’t get sick again?” Sofi probed nervously.

“Nope,” Camila answered simply, reaching over to the bed and depositing the picture on it as she picked up her stuffed unicorn which Sofi had gotten her as a Christmas present. “I’m taking Ifos so she’ll look after me and make sure that I get better really quickly.”

“So will Lauren,” Sofi added and Camila looked up at her girlfriend.

“Yeah, Lauren will too,” Camila responded. “So will mami. None of them will let anything bad happen alright?”

Sofi looked between Lauren and Camila as if undecided, still evidently worried about the prospect of Camila going away again. Lauren, realising how difficult it must be for Sofi to understand considering her previous experiences of her sisters’ hospital admissions, stepped in to the room and crouched down beside Camila, taking her girlfriend’s free hand in her own and lifting it to her lips. She kissed the back of it softly, her eyes never leaving Sofi’s face.

“I promise,” Lauren said meaningfully, noticing the smaller girls’ smile as her eyes locked on her and Camila’s joined hands. “I’ll protect her.”

“Ok,” Sofi said appeased as she hugged Camila tightly in her little arms.

She lingered there for a few minutes, reluctant to let her go before finally releasing her hold.

“I love you,” Sofi said before quickly throwing her arms around Lauren in thanks, the older girl taken aback by the unexpected gesture.

“I love you too Sofi,” Camila returned, watching the exchange and standing up, Ifos in one hand and Lauren holding on to the other as she too got to her feet. “Make sure that you say hello to the pandas and the monkeys for me.” She requested and Sofi nodded her acquiescence as Alejandro appeared in the doorway.

“Mija,” he said addressing Camila. “You need to go or else you’ll be late. Your mama is waiting for you downstairs.”

“I’m just going,” she informed him, turning round to pick up the picture and her holdall only to find that Lauren held them both in her free hand.

“Try to behave yourself,” Alejandro entreated of his daughter playfully as he stepped forward and hugged her, Lauren releasing her hand again to allow her to participate in the embrace. “I don’t want any surprises. If you’re not out of there by tonight I’m coming to get you ok?” she asked, only half-joking. “No more overnight stays. This family has seen enough of that hospital to last us a lifetime.”

“I’ll see you at dinner,” Camila promised and Alejandro kissed her dotingly on the side of the head.

“Te amo,” he said, studying her for a moment.

“Te amo papi,” she declared and he patted her on the shoulder encouragingly before stepping behind Sofi, out of the way.

He placed his hands on Sofi’s shoulders and watched as first Lauren and then Camila left the room, his daughter flashing him one last crooked smile as she passed. Together the two of them made their way down the stairs, finding Sinu waiting for them patiently by the door, Camila’s book in her hand.

“I thought you’d want to take this,” Sinu said, holding it out for Camila.

“Thanks,” Camila said gratefully, taking ‘Eleanor & Park’ from her mom and tucking the book under her arm.

“Lauren, are you sure that you don’t mind driving?” Sinu asked and Lauren shook her head.

“No, not at all,” Lauren replied waving her hand indifferently. “It’s fine honestly.”

“Well, thank you,” Sinu acknowledged. “I really appreciate it.” She finished, opening the front door for the two girls’ to depart through and following after them.

They made their way to Lauren’s car and once everyone was safely inside, Camila up front with her girlfriend, and Sinu in the back seat behind her daughter, they made their way to the hospital where Camila was quickly admitted and ushered in to a private room to await the procedure. Sinu was asked to fill out some paperwork on Camila’s behalf and she went to the nurse’s station outside to complete this whilst Camila changed in to a gown using the en-suite facilities.

Ten minutes later, Lauren stood against one wall of Camila’s room and watched tolerantly as a nurse placed a patient identity band around her girlfriend’s wrist. Camila was sat up on the edge of the bed wearing a tight-fitting hospital gown, her head bowed as she studied what the nurse was doing, her long dark locks of hair hanging loosely around her face, obscuring it from Lauren’s view.

“There you go,” the nurse said kindly, standing up tall again having completed her task. “You’re all set.”

“Great,” Camila said lightly-heartedly, moving her hair back out of her eyes with her hand as she lifted her head to meet the nurse’s gaze.

“I just need to check a few more things alright?” she asked.

“Sure,” Camila replied, holding out her arm reflexively in order for the nurse to place a blood pressure cuff around it.

Lauren surveyed the scene from where she stood, her eyes finding Camila’s chocolate ones and remaining there while the nurse completed a set of the smaller girl’s observations.

“Well, everything’s looking good,” the nurse informed Camila, having written down her blood pressure, temperature, heart rate and oxygen saturations in a folder which she now held in her hand. “I’ll run these out for the doctor to check and then I’ll be back a little bit later on to put in a cannula for your anaesthetic, ok?”

 “Ok” Camila acknowledged and the nurse smiled at her kindly before turning around and making her way towards the door.

Lauren stepped away from the wall and wandered over towards the bed once she’d left, perching herself on the mattress beside Camila and picking up her girlfriend’s hand.

“Nice outfit,” she teased mischievously, playing with Camila’s fingertips out of habit, her eyes fixed on their hands where they rested in her lap, a smirk on her face.

“Shut up,” Camila protested amused, nudging Lauren’s shoulder with her own, her body weight sinking into the green-eyed girl for a moment.

“No seriously,” Lauren continued to joke. “It’s cute…”

“You’re just jealous because I look better in it then you ever did.” Camila retorted and Lauren laughed, finally lifting her eyes to meet her girlfriends.

“Shit, I’d forgotten that you’d seen me in one as well.” Lauren noted and Camila lifted an eyebrow.

“I guess we really have seen the inside of this place a little bit too much this year,” Camila commented and Lauren draped an arm around her girlfriend’s shoulder, pulling her into her side.

“Yeah, but I’ve got a really good feeling about today Camz,” she said, kissing the side of Camila’s head comfortingly. “I don’t think we’ll need to come back here for a while once this is over.”

“You don’t?” Camila asked, twisting her face to the side in order to get a better look at Lauren.

“No babe,” Lauren answered positively. “I don’t. I think this will be the last time for a long time.”

Lauren watched Camila closely for a moment, her girlfriend’s dark chocolate eyes staring off across the room.

“Are you ok?” Lauren asked squeezing Camila’s hand.

“Yeah,” Camila answered, dropping her eyes to their hands for a moment before meeting Lauren’s concerned gaze. “I’m just thinking that’s all.”

“What about?” Lauren questioned and Camila shifted her position on the bed so that she was facing her girlfriend.

“Do things feel different now?” Camila asked bluntly and at first Lauren wasn’t quite sure what she meant.

“Different?” she queried.

“Yes. Different.” She repeated. “Better.” She clarified.

“Yeah Camz,” Lauren said. “Things feel better now. Why?”

“Well, because I think that things feel better too.” Camila admitted. “I mean, things are better. I’m better…”

“Yeah,” Lauren urged, keen to hear Camila’s thoughts. “You are babe. So what’s bothering you about that?”

“I just, I can’t help feeling like something isn’t quite right,” Camila shared. “The last three weeks, they’ve been perfect, almost too perfect. They’ve been surreal…”

“Surreal like a dream?” Lauren asked knowingly and Camila nodded, feeling insecure about still having the same fears she’d always held since the accident.

“Yeah,” she said quietly.

“Camz you’re not dreaming,” Lauren said, kissing her on the lips quickly. “You’re awake, I promise you. This isn’t all in your head.”

“It feels like it is sometimes though and I can’t help the nagging feeling in the back of my head that the reason everything has been so amazing lately is because I’m recovering and I’m going to wake up soon.” She divulged. “It feels like I’m giving myself this time, this happiness because when I do finally open my eyes I’m going to be right back at the beginning again, in pain and struggling…”

“That’s not going to happen,” Lauren reassured her, tightening her hold on Camila’s small frame.

“Yeah, I know,” Camila said, “but think about it Lauren, it would be the perfect scenario wouldn’t it? I’d go in to have the procedure today and then when I wake up, I’m still in the hospital, just…you’re not because its last summer and we haven’t ever met.”

“Are you really worried about this?” Lauren questioned and Camila shook her head.

“No, not worried,” Camila answered honestly. “I was just thinking about it, that’s all.”

“You know, we did meet before the accident,” Lauren told her. “You just don’t remember it, that’s all. I do though, I remember it. I didn’t straight away, not when we first became friends, but, it came back to me one day and now I wonder how I ever forgot it.”

“What?” Camila asked. “When?”

“Towards the end of sophomore year in the library,” Lauren shared with her. “It was during lunch period. You’d been helping Ally out with some of her AP math work and I’d come in to meet up with her.”

Camila’s brow furrowed as she tried to recall the memory.

“I don’t remember that.” She said.

“You guys were just finishing up,” Lauren continued with the story, “and I sat down in the chair across from you both and sighed because I was moping.” She paused for a minute trying to recall every detail for Camila. “You didn’t look up at me at all, you really are quite shy when you don’t know someone” she noted warmly, her thumb tracing small circles on the back of Camila’s hand. “You were busily packing up your things and Ally asked me what was wrong so I started telling her about Rachel. We were dating then and we’d been out at the movies the night before when we’d run in to a group of her friends. She’d acted like there was nothing going on between us and I was hurt because I really liked her then. I thought that she’d liked me too, and maybe she did but she wasn’t open about her sexuality back then, she was still hiding and it made me feel like she was ashamed to be with me.”

Lauren met Camila’s attentive eyes and continued.

“Ally told me I should break up with her immediately, that I deserved someone who was willing to acknowledge our relationship in public and that I shouldn’t settle for being someone’s secret.” Lauren revealed. “You didn’t say anything though,” she imparted, smiling at the memory. “You just finished zipping up your bag, quiet and unassuming as always.”

“So what happened?” Camila questioned.

“I asked you,” she confessed. “I asked you what you thought and you finally lifted your eyes to look at me and you said that you agreed with Ally, that love isn’t quiet and reserved, it’s bold and daring. You said that love should make you fearless and that if you were in love with someone you wouldn’t be afraid to show it. You said that you’d want everyone to see.”

“Then what happened?” Camila asked when Lauren didn’t go on.

“Then you got up, said goodbye to Ally and told me that you hoped that everything would work out alright,” Lauren chuckled. “Then you left and I watched you go thinking nothing much of it.”

Lauren stroked the scar above Camila’s left eyebrow and sighed contentedly.

“Everything did work out eventually,” she said, a small smile on her lips. “It worked out better than I could have ever imagined Camz.”

She paused for a moment and brushed a strand of hair out of Camila’s eyes, her hand settling at the base of Camila’s neck and playing with the long locks there soothingly.

“When you wake up later I’ll be here,” Lauren told her firmly. “I promise. I’m your prince remember? The prince always wakes the sleeping princess with a kiss, always.”

“I could listen to you talk for hours,” Camila said unthinkingly and Lauren smiled.

“That’s funny,” Lauren responded, “because I feel the same way about you.”

Camila leant forward and kissed Lauren, their lips merging together effortlessly, their mouths moulding to one another’s seamlessly as though they were two adjacent pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Lauren felt Camila’s tongue trace her bottom lip and she opened her mouth, allowing it access to her own, deepening the kiss.

Lauren’s fingers tensed around the hair at the back of Camila’s neck and the smaller girls’ unoccupied hand found its way to the side of Lauren’s face, her fingertips caressing the skin there lightly.

“I’ve got something for you,” Lauren breathed when they’d parted and she leant forward to retrieve her bag from the floor.

“What is it?” Camila asked as the taller girl delved in to her bag.

“It’s a present,” she said, pulling out a brilliantly wrapped parcel, a pink piece of ribbon and bow completing it.

“What for?” Camila asked, resting her head against Lauren’s shoulder.

“Just because I wanted to get you something,” Lauren replied sliding the package on to Camila’s lap.

“Lauren you just got me tickets to see Demi,” Camila reminded her. “You don’t need to get me anything else.”

“Actually,” Lauren laughed, “those were from Miss Lovato, not me. I was just the delivering them to you.”

 “Can I open it now?” Camila asked, her fingers tracing the smooth paper delicately.

“No. Not just yet.” Lauren told her. “You have to wait until afterwards, when you’ve woken up again. You can open it then, alright?”

“Ok,” Camila replied as her mom came back in to the room, followed by the nurse who was bearing a tray with the things necessary to set up a cannula in the back of Camila’s hand.

Lauren took the present from Camila’s lap and put it back in her bag for safe keeping before standing up from the bed and moving out of the way.

The nurse placed the cannula expertly in the back of Camila’s right hand, telling the youngster that the porters would be coming to collect her in about twenty minutes to take her down to the procedure room.

“Any questions?” she asked and Camila shook her head.

“Oh no, wait,” she said quickly as the nurse turned to leave. “How soon afterwards can I eat?” she asked and the nurse smiled at her evidently amused.

“Whenever you want to,” she answered before leaving the room again with the now used tray.

“Awesome,” Camila commented, swinging her legs up on to the bed and stretching them out, Lauren wandering over to squeeze on beside her.

“Do you want me to get you something for when you come out?” Sinu asked, pulling over a chair and sitting beside them both.

“No,” Camila said, resting her head against Lauren’s shoulder again, the green-eyed girl playing with the small fingers of one hand mindlessly as she picked up her book from the bedside table with the other. “I’ll see how I feel. I might be a little nauseous from the anaesthetic.”

“Ok,” Sinu said, removing her own book from her bag and settling down to read it.

Together they all sat and waited, Lauren happily watching Camila as she read, admiring the little nuances of her girlfriend’s face which appeared at various times over the passing minutes. When the porter’s finally arrived to take Camila down, twenty minutes later, she climbed off the bed, kissing her softly on the lips.

“I’ll see you soon.” She said and Camila reached a hand up to cup Lauren’s cheek.

“Wish me luck,” she requested, smiling brightly.

“You don’t’ need luck,” Lauren told her pointedly. “You’re quite possibly one of the luckiest people that I’ve ever met.”

“Wish me it anyway,” Camila said and Lauren laughed.

“Good luck,” she acquiesced compliantly, kissing Camila again.

 “I’ll be back in a minute,” Sinu said to Lauren as the porter’s started to move the bed towards the door.

She was going to accompany Camila to the clinic room and wait with her until she was sedated.

“See you on the other side,” Camila said, waving at Lauren as her bed disappeared through the door and the taller girl watched her disappear down the corridor until she could see her no longer.

“Always,” Lauren said to the now empty room as she sat down in Sinu’s vacated chair and picked up Camila’s book from the bedside table.

She opened it up, her eyes falling to a random page and stumbling across a quote which had been underlined in Camila’s borrowed library book by a thick black pen.

“Nothing before you counts,” he said. “And I can’t even imagine an after.”

“Pretty much,” Lauren mumbled to herself, smiling as she opened the book at the first page and started reading, her body sliding down in the chair to get comfortable. “Pretty much.”

i feel bad for making you wait so long so here have a quick drabble i'm so sorry if it's bad

(i’m sort of obsessed with the ‘everyone finds out about steve and bucky but they’re kind of embarrassed to tell anyone else because that’s something steve and bucky should do themselves but they all find out separately and one day they all realize everyone knew about them anyway)

“Alright guys, time for a lunch break. We’ll meet you back in Conference Room 6A in half an hour.” Maria flashed the Avengers a quick smile before sitting back down in her chair and flicking through her notes. Clint and Sam raced each other for the door, not noticing that Thor had already burst through them with Nat. Tony and Bruce were excitedly discussing some sort of nuclear fission idea, and Phil was staying back with Maria, which meant that Steve and Bucky were the last ones out of the conference room. It also meant that Bucky was quickly able to yank Steve down some separate hallway and into a supply closet.

“God, that meeting took forever. Couldn’t wait to get out of there.” Bucky said, pressing Steve up against the door. Steve laughed and leaned down, pressing his mouth to Bucky’s eager lips.

“We’re not gonna do this is a closet.” Steve said, tugging at Bucky’s hair to expose his pale neck and bite at it.

“And yet here we are.” Bucky replied, hands already tugging at Steve’s shirt. Steve stepped forward to push Bucky back against the back wall, never stopping kissing Bucky.

Neither of them noticed when Phil opened the closet door in search of another ream of paper for Maria to print some papers on. Phil stood there, frozen, staring at Steve tugging Bucky’s hair to make him moan before swallowing his moan with a kiss; staring at the way Bucky’s hands were sliding lower under Steve’s shirt, fingers playing with the waistband of his boxers. Phil slowly slid the door shut and went back down the hall.

“Paper?” Maria asked.

“It’s, uh, they didn’t have any in there,” Phil said. “I’ll check in the one on the other hallway, just, uh, wanted you to know why it would take a while.”

Maria nodded, immersed in her notes. Phil never told anyone what he’d seen in the supply closet, not even when Steve and Bucky came back laughing at some inside joke. They’d cleaned up well, and Phil had to look hard to see the ghost of the red mark Bucky had sucked into Steve’s neck. No one suspected anything, and Phil definitely wasn’t going to say anything.

Tony was in his workroom, fixing a glitch in Bucky’s arm causing a magnetic pull to attach all kitchen magnets and small metal objects to Bucky’s arm. It was the least he could do, since he’d spent most of the morning seeing how many cuss words he could spell out on Barnes’ arm before the Cap noticed and how far away he could get before the magnetic pull no longer worked. 

He pushed open the door to the kitchen, ready to re-attach the arm, and saw Bucky leaning against Steve’s chest, head on his heart. Steve was breathing deep and slow, nice and calm, a strong arm wrapped around Bucky’s shoulders, not afraid of his scars or missing limb. Steve touched his lips to Bucky’s temple, and Bucky leaned up to press a kiss to Steve’s throat. 

“S'gonna be okay, Buck. He’ll fix it. You’ll be okay.” Steve murmured. Bucky nodded against his chest.

Tony, deciding cracking a joke would be the worst possible thing to do at the moment, went back into his workroom, closing the door softly behind him. He waited a few seconds before knocking on the workroom door and giving them a second to jump apart before he entered. They were standing awkwardly, Bucky blushing slightly, when Tony finally entered. 

“All better. Too bad, though,” Tony grinned, hoping they hadn’t seen him earlier. “I was having fun spelling rude words on your arm." 

"Thanks,” Bucky grinned. “Makes me feel like a part of the group.” He added quietly when Tony raised his eyebrow, sure he was being sarcastic. Tony decided not to tell anyone. The last thing Barnes needed was people thinking he was here for Steve’s dick. Just seeing the two of them, you could tell it wasn’t true, but Tony knew how the media twisted stories. 

A week later, Steve and Bucky were on a road mission with Nat and Clint. Steve and Bucky were in one room, Clint and Nat in the other. 

At around 2 am, Clint and Nat came back from their midnight pizza and cheese fries run, full and laughing and sleepy. 

“Do you think we have time to watch a movie?” Clint asked. 

“It’s, like, two am,” Nat said. “And all I brought was the Hobbit. So unless you wanna be up until five…”

Clint yawned. “Mm, better not.”

“Did you just quote Pitch Perfect?” Nat asked.

“Why does it matter? You were the one quoting Mean Girls at Fury last week.” Clint laughed.

“Aw, shut up-,” Nat was cut off by a loud bang. 

“What the hell was that?” Clint asked, hand reaching down to his holster for his gun. Nat was already halfway across the room, hand on the doorknob.

“We need to make sure Steve and Bucky are okay.” She said, quietly.

The bad thing about hotels, Clint had learned long ago when he was still a college kid with a dog who drank his coffee straight out of the pot, was that their walls were almost as thin as paper. Which meant both he and Nat could hear, clear as day, the bed next door squeaking and the occupants moaning absolutely filthy things to each other. 

“Oh. My. God,” Clint whispered. “Barnes and Rogers are totally doin’ it in there." 

"What are we supposed to do?” Nat asked in a hushed voice. “No way we can sleep now.”

“No way we can finish eating those cheese fries,” Clint said sadly, looking at the box. “Might not ever eat again.”

Natasha smacked his arm. “We have bigger problems.”

“We do not! Chicago has the best cheese fries and I will never forgive those grandpas for ruining my appetite.” Clint said, pouting.

“Clint, you already ate three full plates of cheese fries. In a single hour,” Nat replied. “And shh. We don’t want them to know we know.”

“Why not?” Clint asked. “Now we know we’re not working with the ninety-whatever year virgin. I have been waiting to congratulate Steve for this for two years, Nat. Two.

"Yeah, that’s all well and good, but Barnes is just starting to fit in with us. And him knowing we know is gonna make him all silent and weird again,” Nat said. “And besides, no one’s gonna believe us when we tell 'em.”

Clint sighed. “Good point. But they’re getting louder.”

“You wanna go get some more pizza?” Nat asked.

“Chicago’s pretty dangerous at night.” Clint teased.

“Do you really think someone’s gonna mug us and get away with it?” Nat asked, rolling her eyes. “C'mon, Barton. Let’s get another pizza. This time, it’s on me." 

Bruce was roped into going grocery shopping for everyone living in Stark Tower, with the added bonus of having Steve and Bucky tag along. You’d think that Mr. Golden Sunshine would be the best person to go grocery shopping with, but with Bucky, Steve reverted to a child, running around and grabbing stuff, giving people the 'aw, shucks’ smile if he bumped into them or to make Bruce buy the two pound tub of sour gummy worms. 

Now, Bruce found himself alone in the produce aisle looking for tomatoes, and immediately he was filled with horror. Last time Pepper had let those two out of her sight, Bucky had grabbed nearly half the sticky buns at the bakery counter and Steve had half-filled a basket with chocolates. It wasn’t their fault, Bruce supposed, because they were still used to sugar and butter rations, so of course they’d go straight for what they’d missed the most. However, the Avengers had all decided a small shop not too many people went to would be best, as it might be bad for Captain America’s image if he bowled over another stranger chasing Bucky (and whatever sweets he’d nabbed off the shelf) around a Food Lion.

Bruce slipped through the aisles, searching for a blonde and a brunette. They weren’t in the freezer grabbing as many pints of double chocolate ice cream as they could fit in their arms; they weren’t in the snacks aisle loading up on Snyder’s pretzels or Utz chips; they weren’t in the cereal aisle snatching up all the Honey Nut Cheerios the store owned. Bruce was starting to get worried when he heard a familiar voice in the aisle beside him. He rounded the corner quietly to see Bucky trying to climb Steve to grab the box of tea in his hands.

"Aw, c'mon, punk.” Bucky frowned.

“I’m sorry, Bucky, but I can’t hear you from down there. You’re gonna have to speak up,” Steve grinned a shit-eating grin. “Sound familiar?” He quipped.

“Oh, let it go, Rogers, that was seventy years ago. 'Sides, I’m, like, three inches shorter than you,” Bucky said. “Put your arm down." 

"It ain’t that far up, Barnes,” Steve laughed. “The Barnes I know would know how to get this stuff.”

Bruce flinched for a moment, thinking Steve was talking about Bucky before the Winter Soldier or maybe even referencing his ability to kill over nothing more than a harsh word. But then he saw the sly look on Bucky’s face and very nearly gasped in surprise when Bucky surged up onto his toes, wrapping his arms around Steve’s neck, and kissed him full on the mouth. Steve dropped his hands to wind them around Bucky’s waist, and Bucky took that opportunity to snatch the box of tea from Steve. Bruce slid back into the other aisle and pretended he was looking at the items on the shelf as Bucky, followed by Steve, came running out.

“Come on, Stevie, that all you got?” Bucky teased, and he stopped short right before he hit Bruce. “Hold this.” He commanded, shoving the tea at Bruce and giving Steve a look over his shoulder.

“O-Okay.” Bruce said, trying desperately to act normal.

“Why are you inspecting the ramen?” Bucky asked.

“Oh, uh, Tony said it was good so I decided to try it.” Bruce said, reaching for a random box.

“Didn’t you live in Japan for a couple of years?” Steve asked suspiciously.

“Yeah, but ya know, gotta give good old America a chance.” Bruce said. Did that really just come out of his mouth? Ew.

Steve raised an eyebrow and a faint blush started spreading over his cheeks as he began to realize that Bruce knew.

“Okay, ya got me. I lost a bet and now I have to eat this crappy store-bought ramen for three days.” Bruce shrugged, praying his acting skills were good enough. 

“That sucks,” Steve said, relief flooding his face for a second. “But here, go for this kind.” He handed Bruce a box of chicken flavored ramen. “I lived on this stuff for the first couple weeks after deep freeze. It’s not exactly a culinary delicacy, but it doesn’t taste like cardboard either.”

“Thanks.” Bruce said. He met Steve’s eyes, and silently promised not to tell anyone about what he’d seen.

Sam and Thor were wandering the halls of Stark Towers one day, talking and unwinding after a particularly rough meeting.

“No, Son of Wil,” Thor grinned widely, knowing full well Sam’s name had nothing to do with parenthood anymore, but keeping on his running joke because it made his friends smile. “The best coffee is in a little diner in New York.”

“Well,” Sam amended. “First coffee coming home is always the best. For me, at least, it’s the Starbucks right outside of the military hospital on the base right by here. Nice and smooth, no powder, nothin’  but good ol’ coffee. After army rations and cold hospital crap, it was the best thing I’d ever tasted. Plus, they don’t have very many Starbucks over there on the war front.”

“We have no such thing on Asgard. It is one of the best things Midgard has to offer,” Thor said. “Though we have much better lobster in Asgard. It’s one of my favorites. We have it at every important event. It’s nice and warm and buttery. Almost like the snails here, but not as rubbery.”

“That sounds nice. Bring me some next time you go up to Asgard, okay?” Sam asked, and Thor laughed. “But I don’t think you have Boston cream pies up there.”

“What are they?” Thor asked.

“Oh, they’re amazing. I come from Massachusetts, and sometimes my parents and I would go to Boston for the day. Boston cream pies are pies filled with custard and frosted with chocolates, and they’re, like, the best things that have ever been invented. Besides chocolate itself.”

“Mm, that we can agree on, brother! Once, Lady Jane convinced Odin to let her bring a chocolate fountain. Asgard hasn’t been that excited since I took the throne as Prince,” Thor smiled sadly. “I only wish my brother had been there to see it. Loki loved chocolate. He would have been amazed. I wish I hadn’t lost him. I wish I had done something.”

“I know how you feel. I lost one, too. Every day I rethink everything I did. Maybe if I had been a little faster, a little quieter, mine would still be here. Well, he wasn’t my brother, but he was my best friend,” Sam agreed quietly. 

“Are they not the same thing, brother?” Thor asked.

Sam opened his mouth to say something cheesy that would have embarrassed him with anyone else when he noticed something beside him. 

“Oh my God.” Sam said. Thor turned and craned his head to look. “Is that who I think it is?” Sam asked.

The hallways of Stark Towers had huge, floor to ceiling windows to let in sunlight. The elevators were entirely Plexiglass. And it was for that reason that Sam and Thor could see, perfectly clearly, Steve pressing Bucky up against the wall and leaning his head down to bite at his collarbones. Bucky squirmed and wrapped his legs around Steve’s waist, angling his neck so Steve could get at it better. Steve rolled his hips against Bucky’s, and Bucky knocked his head back into the elevator wall when he threw his head back. 

“I feel like that was something we weren’t supposed to see.” Sam said, staring as the elevator disappeared.

“Let’s go congratulate them!” Thor smiled broadly, all sadness disappearing from his face, replaced with his trademark face-splitting smile.

“No!” Sam said urgently, grabbing Thor’s arm. “They-They wouldn’t do good with that. They’re not ready for anyone else to know, or they would’ve told us. We can’t let them know we know.”

Thor looked confused, but nodded. “Alright, but when they tell us I will congratulate them for tonight. Love is wonderful!” Thor boomed, and Sam couldn’t help but smile as he nodded.

Pepper and Maria sometimes had girl’s days when the Avengers were in training or away on missions. Natasha joined them whenever she wasn’t with the boys, and Jane came along when she was in New York, often bringing Darcy, too, but today it was just Pepper and Maria.

“What color are you getting your nails?” Pepper asked as the women browsed the nail colors at the spa. 

“Oh, probably clear, I can’t make many colors look good in the same old blue jacket every day,” Maria shrugged. “And besides, I have no idea how to keep it from chipping. How do you do it?”

Pepper laughed. “It takes some practice. That and a clear coat on the top. But come on, girl, go for a nice color. Get something that’ll go with that new red shirt we just got!”

“No, no, it won’t look good with my uniform…” Maria said sadly.

“Then go with this. Nice dark blue. Not too light, not too dark, not too colorful. Not quite a gothic black but not a bright pastel either. It’s totally you,” Pepper said, pressing a small bottle into Maria’s palm. “We can get matching colors!”

“Well, okay.” Maria grinned at her friend. 

“Is that Steve and Bucky?” Pepper pointed out the window. The spa window was one-way, which meant both women could see Bucky and Steve, walking hand in hand and holding smoothies.

“Do you think it’s a date or just their need to touch people to make sure they’re really there?” Maria asked.

“Hm, I dunno…” Pepper leaned closer to the window.

Steve leaned down and took a sip of Bucky’s smoothie. Bucky head-butted Steve’s shoulder. Steve kissed him, hot and heavy and slow.

“I think it might be a date.” Maria said as they stepped away to give the men privacy.

“I think this might be a secret.” Pepper said, and Maria nodded. Soon enough, Steve and Bucky were out of their minds as Pepper and Maria got manicures and then went out to eat at the fancy restaurant a little ways away.

“What in the hell is going on in here?” Fury asked. Everyone filed in behind him, seeing Steve frozen in place with Bucky pinned to the table under him. 

“They’re, uh, going out, sir.” Maria said from beside him. 

“Who knew about this?” Nick boomed. Slowly, everyone in the room raised their hands, and it was tough to figure out who’s face was funnier, Steve’s or Nick’s. 

“How long have you known?” Fury thundered, staring them all down with his one eye.

“Um, supply closet. Three weeks, sir.” Phil said.

“Since I fixed Barnes’ arm. Two and a half weeks.” Tony said. 

“Chicago,” Nat and Clint said at the same time. “Two weeks.”

“Grocery shopping last week.” Bruce said.

“After last meeting.” Sam said, and Thor nodded beside him.

“On Monday. Four days ago.” Thor added.

“Yesterday, when we were out.” Pepper said, gesturing to Maria.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me so I could knock before I come into a conference room to see the Captain bending Barnes over a table?” Nick asked.

“I’m so sorry, sir…” Steve said, brighter red than the star on Bucky’s metal arm.

“Man, you killed the mood. You couldn’t have waited, like ten minutes?” Bucky asked, frowning, not an ounce of shame on his face.

Nick looked at the assortment of people behind him and began ushering them out.

“I’ll give you fifteen,” He said. “And instead of this one, we’re using room 2B.”

“Or not to be.” Clint snickered as he left, earning him several smacks, some glares, and a, “Fucking dork!” from Nat.

“See you across the hall, then,” Sam saluted Steve and Bucky. “Have fun. Stay safe kids!" 

He narrowly missed the boot Bucky threw at him.

Goodbyes Are Hard:

My first fic in a while, and I’m pretty sure my last for a while at least. I’m not sure whether to continue writing about tayvin. It feels unfair and disrespectful to drag it out when Taylor and Calvin obviously want to leave it behind. It’s been the most fun, though, writing about this magical relationship and reading all the other fanfics. I’ll miss each and every one of my readers if I do stop writing. You have been so supportive and before I go off on an emotional rant, here’s my (possible) last Tayvin fanfic ever.

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Taylor knew it would turn into a fight. She knew that picking out his annoying habit of drumming his fingers on his leg would set them both off into accusations and insults. But somehow, she also knew they needed this. She knew in the back of her mind that their happiness was splitting down the middle and the pain was seeping through. She knew that it was only hurting them further to keep pushing through.

It was like they were dragging a boulder up a hill. They didn’t have the strength or coordination anymore to work together. It was hard to accept, but they needed to stop ignoring that they just weren’t happy anymore.

So she made the shout that started the avalanche.

“Can you please stop that, it’s so annoying.” Taylor asked, attitude lacing her voice. A year ago, they would have both cracked up, passing the comment off as humorous sarcasm. A lot had changed in a year.

“Why do you have to pick on everything I do? You’d think after a year you’d be used to it! I’m not the only one with annoying habits,” Adam accused, hands flying wildly to emphasise his point.

“I never said I don’t have annoying habits. I know I’m far from perfect, Adam, but you constantly try to make me feel like I’m degrading you when I’m not and make me feel guilty for innocent actions. I just asked you to stop because I find it annoying.” Taylor bit back harshly.

Back and forth, back and forth. It was like watching a game of tennis as they fired insults towards each other and slowly broke the other’s armour of patience until they were exhausted with the pointless bickering.

“I give up, Adam.” Taylor’s voice broke. “I give up. You win whatever game we’re playing just so we can prolong the inevitable. I’m tired of us fighting. I’m tired of saying ‘I love you’ just because it’s routine. I’m tired of trying to make this relationship work when we don’t even put in the effort anymore. I’m tired of feeling like it’s a chore to kiss you. There’s no happiness between us anymore.” A lump formed in her throat and tears streamed silently down her cheeks. “We’ve run our course, we had our time. Once the effort is gone, we have to leave sometime too. I loved you. I still do. But not the same way I used to. I’m not in love with you. We don’t smile the way we used to, we don’t laugh at inside jokes. Adam,” she swallowed back a sob. “We’re done.”

“I’m so sorry, Tay. I’m sorry it has to end this way. I love you so much and I respect the woman you are and the love you’ve given me more than words can express but I can’t find the spark we once had. We were so happy. We were so unbreakable. But now we’re just bored and impatient. We’ve fallen out of love. I can see it in the way you smile at me and I can feel it in the way you don’t hold my hand as tight or want to warm your feet with mine at night. I just- you deserve happiness and love from a guy. I can’t give you that anymore. I’m sorry.” Adam tugged at her arms and pulled her into his chest for the last time. Their last hug. He held her as she cried but they could both feel the subtle tension and the awkwardness. They didn’t fit together as well as they once did. Like shoes from when you were younger that pinched your toes now that you’d grown out of them.

Once they pulled back, Taylor drying her tears from her cheeks with a sniffle, they looked at each other with finality. Dreaded eyes and desperate hands clinging onto arms. Adam recalled to mind how they used to be in this exact position right before one would have to leave for another country or state and they wouldn’t see each other for weeks. Goodbyes were hard.

They both felt the pain weighing down on their chests as they took in each other’s faces. “Taylor, you are the brightest light anyone could wish for and just- thank you for giving me the best year of my life.” Adam whispered, kissing her forehead lightly in a bittersweet gesture.

“Goodbye Adam. Thank you for the happiness you gave me. I’ll never regret meeting you.” Taylor whispered back. She pulled away before she kissed him and only added more pain to her heavy heart. She couldn’t do that to herself, selfishly shielding herself from more pain.

Adam gave her one last pained look before he turned and picked up his keys and jacket and left the house, door closing loudly behind him.

It almost felt wrong, but she knew that they were saving each other more pain in the long run. She had found such comfort in him that she didn’t want to lose it, but she knew she couldn’t force being in love with him when they shifted further apart with every goodbye.

They both knew they would inevitably see each other again, but this was their goodbye to the year of their lives they gave to each other. It was a goodbye to their love. It was a goodbye to their fizzling relationship. And somehow that was worth a goodbye. It was almost like they were both parting from their love for each other rather than each other as people. There would be no last ditch effort or salvaging of the dwindled flame; they had to be mature and accept that sometimes it just ended and that couldn’t be helped.

So there she stood. Alone and heartbroken. And she couldn’t help but realise she had been here before. She had been betrayed, forgotten, ignored and told she just wasn’t enough for someone in the past. She was no stranger to the heavy, painful beat of a breaking heart.

She also realised that this time, she had hope. She had tasted freedom, happiness and contentment before she had met Adam. He hadn’t tore through her life, guns blazing, and distanced her from her friendships or changed any aspect of her routine. She still went to dinner with friends, had movie nights, binged on pizza and shared advice on relationships her friends were confused about. He hadn’t changed her life completely. He was simply another person who experienced her life with her but she had lost somewhere between the 'I love you’s and the final crack that made the home they had made for themselves within each other crumble to dust.

He was a hole in her heart, a scar to her soul, but a memory to make her smile. She couldn’t deny the happiness he had given her. The nights she would have once spent alone with takeout and TV show marathons were filled with home cooking and laughter bouncing off of every wall. Being the third wheel turned into double dates. Early nights she once spent on Tumblr gradually turned into early mornings with tangled legs and sheets. Waking up and making breakfast had turned into getting woken up to a kiss and the smell of pancakes. It was little things that had integrated themselves into her once-free time that she knew she would miss the most.

Now she would have to move on and forget those in time. She knew all it would take is time. All it would take is new routines and reminders of the love she still has in her life from her friends and families. She wanted the pain to go away but knew wounds from shards of broken trust only heal in time.

Until that time, she would fall in love with the simplicities of loneliness once again and keep following her heart. She would move on and she would become stronger. She would love again because happiness is worth the pain.

At that moment she was reminded of her favourite quote by C.S. Lewis, “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” and she knew she would be okay because she had believed that quote once before, in a moment of pure bliss. She knew she would feel that freedom again.

Goodbyes are hard, but she just has to soldier on.

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Love you guys! Thank you for your support this past year!
~Maeve.