it was a much better idea in my head

fantasy-zelda  asked:

I am so in love with Eiji and Shinji 😍😍😍 I thinks that you sharing your headcanons was a really kind and nice gesture. Thanks a lot! And, uhm... I was wondering... about Shinji and Eiji, will they become friends with Bokuto and Akaashi's kid(s)? And what about Ushiteru's pup(s)? I am not a bad girl, I promise 😁

Ahhhh thank you thank you!! I’m feeling all the Sheiji love today!! You’re very very welcome I was happy to do it lol it’s much better than just keeping all these ideas stuck in my head. Mmmm…ok. Let’s see…how do I do this without giving anything away XD

Shinji and Eiji don’t really interact with Bokuto and Akaashi’s kids (should they have any) because if (when) they have kids, there’ll be too much of an age gap kinda thing going on. Not a huge one but still. I’m working out the kinks in the years. But Ushiteru I can give a bit about since this story isn’t really theirs anyway lol. 

They’ll have two pups. They don’t have names yet because I suck at names and I haven’t thought that far ahead since again this isn’t really their story. But here we go. 

  • their first born will be an omega boy
  • Teru sobs over this when he finds out because the Ushijima line has always been carried on by alphas
  • Teru wants to get rid of the baby at first for that reason (he says he’d rather have it die in the womb than at the hands of Ushi’s parents)
  • Ushijima says he’ll never let that happen
  • First born is shorter than Ushijima but taller than Teru. (Like 5′11 ish)
  • He’s actually a lot like Ushijima, and takes the family job seriously
  • Uses his pheromones to his advantage (a lot like Teru in that way)
  • Doesn’t seem to have any intentions of getting married just yet
  • Second son is an alpha
  • Everyone wants him to inherit the line
  • He wants nothing to do with it though
  • Left handed like Ushi
  • Is obsessed with painting, and its his number one passion
  • He supports his brother and family in their endeavors but doesn’t really want to be involved himself 
  • Not really like any of his parents and everyone wonders where he gets that whimsical personality from
  • He’s in love with one of their mentors/caretakers that helped them grow up. A beta man nearly ten years his senior.
  • All he wants to do is prove to the beta that he’s no longer a child. 
5

Okay back to happier (?) topics - today’s prompts were firsts/future/tears !!!! and honestly that’s probably a happy set why did I go for this even we might just never know

Tips for new daddies!

Hey! So, I’ve decided to compile a list of things for new daddys/doms. This list is for daddy’s with littles (age regressors). If there is anything you feel I’ve left out, feel free to let me know!

-They’re your little, make them feel like one. She/he is going to want to be in little space, so let them. Help them into it. A simple phrase gets my little into little space, so find out what works best for them.

-Establish rules. Try not to get over 20 rules, cause they can get hard to remember after a while. My little personally has 27, but some of our rules are common sense, so she remembers them easily. Be on the lookout for a rules list next. 

-Be supportive of them. If you’re both new, they may want to experiment with pacis, bottles, sippy cups, diapers, etc. Make sure the both of you talk it out and be there for them. Even if they are experienced in dd/lg and knows what they want, never ignore them. Be there and be supportive. 

-Punish bad behavior. I know, I know. You love them and don’t want to make them sad/upset. But trust me, when they start acting up in public and embarrassing you, you’re gonna wish you had started punishing them. 

-Take care of them. If you’re not in a LDR, this is a little easier. If you live together, tuck them in, or make meals, bathe them (with her permission), read them bedtime stories, and other small things to keep them in good health. If you are in a LDR, you can still read bedtime stories over FaceTime/skype, make sure they’re eating well, make them study, etc. 

-Know their stuffies names.  I cannot stress this enough. It seems like a small task, but it means so much to them that you remember their names. It also means a lot to the stuffies if you know their names (they also are very nice to you if you remember their names and dont put bad idea in your littles head as they often do) 

-Know a few cute nicknames. Underrated, but my little loves cute nicknames. Princess, baby girl, kitten, little one, little girl, etc. 

-Find your ‘daddy voice’. It’s your strict, ‘you better stop it right now’ voice that you use on your little when they’re breaking a rule, or doing something bad. It works wonders. 

-Don’t be afraid to be their daddy in public. I’m not saying to make them call you daddy in front of other people (don’t do that. the people around you didn’t ask for you to expose your kink to them) but if she’s with friends and you hear her curse, you can look at her and raise your eyebrows. She’ll get the point. I tend to tap her on the butt as a warning, but if she does it more than once, ill whisper in her ear something like ‘princesses don’t curse like that. Timeout for you later’. 

-Know their little space triggers. There isn’t much I can say about that, other than to just know what puts her in little space. 

-Have fun! Don’t let the haters drag you down, cause I know there are a ton of them out there. Enjoy your awesome relationship. 

Sheriff Knows Best

Stiles/Derek, G, 2K words, Sheriff POV, Coffeeshop AU, matchmaker!Sheriff

(Credit for the title to @cobrilee!)

This is an expansion of the following idea, written by the lovely @artemis69:

the coffee!AU, where John goes to the same coffee shop every day, and there is this very grumpy, quiet barista that always makes him amazing coffee and keep the best pastries for him. And one day the Sheriff learns that Derek is the one to bake them all, so he decides: this will be my son in law, I need a reason to have this man in my family for at least forty to fifty years. Then he matchmakes with no subtility whatsoever, basically offering his only son on a silver plate, Stiles spluttering all the way (but he takes Derek’s number anyway because the guy is just amazingly cute)

John’s on his regular morning stroll when he stops in his tracks and takes in the brand-new coffee shop, complete with a banner advertising their opening day. The little corner space has been boarded up for over a year, and John had no idea it was opening today.

Any new businesses are a boon for Beacon Hills, especially family-run ones like this one is rumored to be, so John ducks inside. It’s warm and homey, and there’s a pair of young dark-haired people behind the counter, close enough in features that they’re probably siblings. The quiet bickering points that direction, too.

They stop, though, when they see the Sheriff—the uniform tends to have that effect—and he pastes on his public servant smile. “Hi there. I saw this place was open and wanted to come on in and introduce myself. Sheriff John Stilinski.”

“Oh, it’s so nice to meet you,” the woman says, holding out her hand for a shake. A nice strong grip—John likes this girl already. “I’m Laura Hale, and I own this place with my brother Derek, our resident grumpy barista-slash-baker.”

Derek rolls his eyes at Laura, but his smile to John is genuine, if small. “Hi, Sheriff. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, son,” he says, perusing the case full of tempting sugary treats. “You made these?”

He nods. “Can I get you anything?”

John hums. “A medium coffee, and…any one of these delicious-looking goodies. You pick. Just don’t tell my son,” he adds, and Derek looks up at him.

“Your son?”

“I have slightly elevated cholesterol,” he says, stressing the word. “Nothing to worry about, honestly. But he polices my diet. I don’t think he knows about this place yet, though, so this is great.”

Derek hums. His tongs hover over a muffin—lemon poppyseed, it looks like—before moving to another one. Raspberry-almond, according to the sign, and well, John isn’t picky. Derek drops it into a little bag and hands it over.

“Happy to help,” he says.

John thanks him and opens the bag. Laura’s still pouring his coffee, but it smells so damn good that he can’t resist.

“Wow,” he says, his mouth full. “This is delicious.”

Derek looks quietly proud, and Laura claps him on the shoulder as she reaches over to hand John his coffee. “On the house, today, Sheriff,” she says. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” he promises.


“Thanks, Nina,” John says dryly, leaning back so she can put his plate in front of him.

“You’re welcome, Sheriff,” she says with a friendly smile, ignoring his stink eye.

Stiles just grins at both of them and digs into his French toast. He insists on having their weekly father-son breakfast at Paulie’s Diner because no matter what John orders, Nina will only bring him an egg-white omelet with a dry English muffin. Stiles must have some serious blackmail or be paying her off somehow, and John is, he has to admit, grudgingly impressed.

“Don’t look so bummed out, Pops,” Stiles says, around a mouthful of what’s surely syrup-drenched deliciousness. “At least I let you have turkey bacon.”

“It’s not the same,” he says grumpily, poking at it. “But at least I’m getting a steady stream of baked goods now.”

Stiles glares at him. “Are you serious? From where? I thought I had paid everyone off.”

He knew it. “I’m not telling you,” he says, a little displeased with how childish he sounds.

“Fine,” Stiles says, sniffing. “I’ll figure it out, you know I will.”

He will, John knows. Goddamn, he loves his kid, even if his life goal seems to be depriving John from any and all delicious food. “And speaking of, I met someone the other day,” he starts, and Stiles gasps theatrically, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.

“Is this you crapping all over my dream of having Melissa as my stepmom?”

John sighs at the reminder. Melissa is…well, she seems happy with that Argent guy. Whatever. He’s not bitter.

“Not for me, Jesus,” he says, shaking his head. “For you.”

“Oh my god,” Stiles says, slumping back in the booth. “Eye roll” is too mild, John thinks. It’s more of a whole head roll. “Seriously, Dad, I’m only 25. You don’t have to marry me off quite yet. You’ll get your grandchildren someday, I promise. Stop trying to set me up with people.”

“I’m just trying to be helpful!” John protests. “He seems nice.”

And makes really good treats, he adds in his head. That’ll be a good trait for a son-in-law.

“And who exactly is he?”

John pauses. “I met him at the aforementioned undisclosed location.” 

Stiles snorts. “Find out if he actually likes dudes, then get back to me.”

“Okay,” he says seriously, and Stiles grimaces.

“No, Dad, don’t actually—”

Keep reading

Character Headcanon: Poor Master Dennet

You know, I always feel a little sorry for Master Dennet. The Inquisitor is like, hey, I need a horse expert! Here is a horse expert! And he comes along to be your horse expert.

And for a while all is well. He brings his own fine horses, and the Inquisitor adds to the stable as she finds new breeding stock–often excellent. Where she got the charger from, he doesn’t know, and he feels too honored by having it in his care to ask.

And then the Inquisitor starts coming back with like… deer. And Dennet scratches his head, because he knows horses, and just because it has four hooves and you can put a saddle on it doesn’t make it a horse. Hell, the food and space and exercise requirements for a cob and a draft horse aren’t the same–a goddamn deer is presumably completely different. But he goes around Skyhold rounding up Dalish elves until he finds one who knew something about halla, on the principle that that’s probably the closest thing, and they work it out. (He’s always respected the way Dalish treat their halla, so it’s not that big of a leap. And even though Dalish–the Charger–doesn’t know anything much about how to raise halla, he looks the other way when she wants to spend half a day in the deer’s box stall being all affectionate at it. Can’t hurt.)

But deer of various kinds are at least still… well… grass-eating hoofed animals. Things don’t begin to really go sideways until they bring back the first dracolisk.

It’s a lizard. It’s a giant meat-eating lizard. Dennet is a master of horse, and he will stretch that to deer in a pinch, but asking him to figure out the care and feeding of big spiky lizard things is a bit much. It is–he tries to explain, first to Cullen and then to Josephine and finally to the Inquisitor herself–as if someone had decided that because you knew how to knead bread, you were obviously a master pugilist, because both things involved punching things. For his trouble he got a friendly clap on the shoulder and a “Just do your best! We can free up some funds to hire you more help!” (help from where? was he to hang up fliers somewhere for dracolisk handlers? where exactly was one supposed to go for that?).

(We will not even discuss the zombie horse with a sword through its head. We will not. The zombie horse got a stall to itself and was studiously ignored, on the principle that it was dead, and not much Dennet did could either help or hurt it.)

Dennet knew that he was in over his head and then some when the Inquisitor showed up with a charming grin and a giant fucking nug, and all he thought was, “Better see if any dwarves know what to feed it.” (Dagna does, but he’s a little afraid because she keeps having these ideas for ‘experimental feed,’ and….)

At least his life is never boring.

4

Happy Birthday gift for the lovely @raphaelsdumort   💓 💓 💓

based on [x]

izzy is totally obsessed with space and the stars and the universe and all the planets so when they move in together (they have a really cute apartment with a lot of windows and potted plants obviously), clary paints an entire wall in their room to look like space and when she shows izzy for the first time she gets so excited and she practically jumps up and down before kissing clary.

8

saudade (noun) | PORTUGUESE

a deep, nostalgic, and melancholic longing for something or someone, often accompanied with a denied fact that what one longs for will never come back

“I wonder, can I keep up with it? The speed of the world without you in it.”

Victuuri Week ☆ 

Day 1AU: Other Sports/Careers

Flower shop AU because I couldn’t stop imagining Victor working in a small shop near Yuri’s university, and he’s happy working with all the flowers and seeing the customers pleased with the bouquets he makes. One day Yuri listens to his friend Pichit and decides to go buy a few flowers to give a cozy touch to his flat… and he can’t help but being awed by the beautiful angel that greets him by the door. After that day, Yuri decides that his flat looks a lot better with the flowers and becomes a regular customer.

anonymous asked:

... how is Alexander gonna spend Mother's Day?

-My name is Alex, I am a poet…

Bonus:

Oke i got this request a rly loooong time ago… ( i am rly sry to the anon whos send me this)  i wasnt rly enspired bye at first.. but suddenly yesterday (after listening to take a break again) i got this idea… Idk why but in my head it was much better… as always… But i hope its not too crappy…

Side note: I wanna see more James Hamilton….

Mischievous Hugs, touken fanfic

Summary: The Aogiri kids share an enjoyable afternoon playing with Touka and Kaneki at the park, until one of the kids decides to give them a punishment.

Rating: Cute, fluffy! | Words: 2,612 words | If you like it, please reblog!

A/N: what a shitty title oh my god hello everyone! I made a post asking to vote three touken prompts that I was planning to write this week. Surprisingly, the aogiri+touken kids was the winner! so here it is. It’s a bit short, I was planning to write it as a headcanon instead but it turned out to be a bit longer, I was running out of ideas and I’m not sure if this is good enough, but it was fun to write anyway. 

thank you all for voting the fic and don’t worry if the one you wanted didn’t win, i will be writing those very soon! excuse any grammar mistakes&enjoy! <3

Preview:

“You have to hug Onii-chan for ten seconds!”

Kaneki coughs, touching the back of his head.

“W-What?”

One of the boys drags the girl by the arm, trying to stop her.

“I told you this was a bad id—”

“You have to hug!” she ignores her friend and walks towards Touka, pushing her from the back against Kaneki.

“A-Ah! Wait!”

Keep reading

4

Everyone
Every hope
The silver lining that you’ve ignored

It won’t be the same anymore
Anyway
Anyhow
Bring me back to life
Everything I’ve done before
Comes crashing down, I’m feeling low
But is this the reality or just another dream
Maybe I’m falling
Believing
And dreaming
Or am I dead?
Ahh
Everything is gone now
I’m six feet under
Regrets and memories, for me to wonder
Rest in peace
They say to me
But I just wanted to be free
Free
Maybe falling
Believing
I’m Dreaming
Or am I dead?
Ahh
And this silence
Bred into my selfless violence
What have I done to myself?
Just to kill my pride
And now I am dead
Why cant you hear me right now

Nightcall ft. Dreamhour - Dead V

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gsd8EjJfKV0

——-

GIF GIF GIF GIF…. this shouldn´t become one at the beginning… and then… it got out of control @_@ And I made 10 or 15 versions of that piece, because I am NOT HAPPY, how Jian Yi came out T___T I am so sorry for the fans, I will try to make something better the next days!! And I know now, that I can´t draw anything that I want… that head + face was the hell for me :( I have so much to practice, and on the other side sooo many ideas, that I wanna bring on my screen!! But I don´t like the last things I draw, especially THIS!! I wanna cry…. I am not good at all now, and one week ago I was so happy to get so many, wonderful new followers, but now I am like “why do they like that pieces of sh**??” I can´t make ME pleased, so how is it, that I make other people happy with it? ARRR my head hurts and my mood is not good, so I will go shopping now with my mom and hope that it become better ;)~

It Wasn’t Real (part one)

Summary: You’re part of the infamous Loser’s Club, and often asked, what are you afraid of? You reply, nothing, but what your friends don’t know is that your biggest fear is them.

prologue - one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten - eleven - finale

A/N: So literally i was overwhelmed by the amount of love and support I got for this story. Once again THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I’m actually so excited to start this series and I have so many ideas bubbling around in my head, so please enjoy.

There’s something’s i need to make clear before we get started. The rest of the story (except for the first part) will happen four years after the events in IT Chapter One. I know that sounds weird but it will get better I promise! This is also sort of an AU mainly because IT will come back sooner than twenty-seven years, which doesn’t happen in the book. So it’s like based off the original story but isn’t at the same time?? It will all make sense! And there will be an Character x Reader ending, but i’ve closed down the poll as of now until we get further into the story! Right now, Richie is leading!

Anyways… I hope you all enjoy this story! Oh! And Henry hasn’t die in my story, as well as his father. Everything else is the same.

I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Send me a little comment in the ask section or leave it below on what you thought of this chapter. It doesn’t have to be long, I appreciate every single comment I receive and telling me just helps inspire me to write it more frequently.

Pairing: Loser’s Club x Reader, slight Henry x Reader (you’ll see)

Warnings: force, bullying, depressing and sad tones.

Tag’s List: @chalatea
wanna be featured? message me letting me know!


Originally posted by kingkaspbrak

It wasn’t real.

It seemed that maybe it was. When time passes, friends tend to forget each other. It was an unsaid thing. No friendships last forever, no matter hard you tried to make them. But something in you had always told you that when it came to the Loser’s Club that wasn’t true.

You’d been wrong.

Separated from those you called your family, everyone started drifting apart. Some of them still talked, like Eddie and Richie or Bill and Beverly, but in the end, no one really was as close as they use to.

It was almost as if they’d forgotten, stopped believing in what you all experienced. And you couldn’t understand why. Because while everyone was off moving on, forgetting, you only seemed to remember. You tried. Tried and fought and screamed and yelled for them, but it was like you were standing in the back, watching as their back turns. Watching Richie look away, watching Eddie follow or Bill turn and Beverly distance herself. You saw less and less of Mike, Ben never left the library and Stan… Stan wouldn’t even look at you.

Soon it was just you, just like IT had teased, and you were alone.

So, no, Bill, it was real.

Three Years Later…

You let out a breath of relief as the school bell rung, signalling the end of class. English class today in particular had been boring and repetitive, some idiot decided to back talk the teacher so the majority of the class was spent with Ms. Green lecturing you all. It would’ve been fine, had that not meant that your pile of homework had grown significantly larger in size.

Gathering your binder and books, you quickly stuffed them into your bag. Though when you looked up, you noticed that most of the students were already out and sighed. It meant the hallways were going to be cramped with people, and it was the end of the day.

Knowing it was inevitable either way, you slipped your backpack over your shoulders calmly and pulled the straps. “Have a nice weekend, Ms. Green.” You waved at your teacher. She may have just spent an hour yelling at you all and then the last half talking about what you had to catch up on, but she was nice when she wanted to be.

“You as well, Y/N.” She shortly replied, not sparring you a glance. You hesitated a moment, watching the way her eyes didn’t even move to say goodbye before sighing and making her way out the door. The hallway wasn’t as bad as you expected, which was a breath of relief. Quickly, you made your way down the hall, turned a right and low and behold there stood your locker.

Putting in the combination, you begin organizing what you’d need over the weekend and what you wouldn’t. Though, your moment of peace was quickly interrupted when the door of your locker was slammed to the side. You jumped, letting out a bewildered shock and turned to see who had so rudely disturbed you only to find a face you hadn’t wanted to see.

“Hey, babe.” Henry greeted, smiling down at you. Henry Bowers, the same Henry Bowers who use to bully you and your friends back in middle school. Of course, Henry confessed he doesn’t ever remember doing such a thing. I’d remember a pretty face like yours

Refusing the urge to shiver, you sent a short smile at him; “Jesus, Henry. You nearly gave me a heart attack.” He only shrugged, as if he didn’t care. Smiling through the discomfort, you grabbed your locker door, moving it off of the next one and Henry wasted no time leaning against it.

Henry Bowers had been sent back two years, making him in the exact same grade as you, of course he was eighteen already. Though, that didn’t mean he acted any more mature. 

“So, you coming with us to the pit tonight?” Henry asked, looking lazily over at you. Setting your final textbook in your locker, you shut the door with a soft thud; “us?”

“Belch and me.” He clarified. You hated Belch, all he did was well… belch. And it disgusted you, but it seemed no matter what him and Henry stayed friends. At least some things were the same. “Oh, and I believe Amy will be joining us.” 

“Oh,” you mumbled. “I don’t think I wi-”

“Why not?” Henry interrupted, cutting whatever you’d been about to say off.

You shifted uncomfortably, taking a tentative step back when Henry straightened out. You should probably just go, Henry would back off if you did. But you really did not want to spend the night in some dingy corner of the town with belching Belch and bitchy Amy. “My mom… she wants me home tonight.”

“Your mom?” Henry laughed, as if that was the craziest thing you’d ever said. Leaning down, he didn’t ask when he grabbed your wrist; “your mom never wants you home. Come on, it’ll be fun.” Fun for you, you wanted to say, but knew better. Knowing nothing you could say would allow you to stay home, you let Henry drag you off into the direction of the school doors.

You zoned out whatever he’d been saying, loosing yourself in your mind. At least it was the weekend, you told yourself, after tonight you wouldn’t have to speak to anyone, let alone see anyone. Of course, two days only lasted so long… Weekends use to be filled with adventure back in middle school… of course you were a child then and so was everyone else… but, it had been an adventure.

“Agh…” 

Turning your head, you were pulled from your thoughts as a familiar head walked by. You could almost swear… Time seemed to freeze, as the person’s head floated before you, but then suddenly it was gone. Looking down, you heard the thud as their body smacked against the ground. 

“Watch where you’re going, freak.” Henry laughed, shoving his hand into Belch’s stomach in excitement. You hadn’t even noticed Belch join you…

Looking over at the body, you didn’t move as they slowly moved to their hands and knees. You of course, felt bad, put no part of you wanted to help them. You only stared with a lazy eye, your wrist still in Henry’s grasp. It was only when their head turned up to glare at your boyfriend did you feel an reaction flood through you.

“Eddie…” You whispered, gaining a strange reaction from Henry and Belch. Seeing their gaze, you moved to look away before your eye caught Eddie’s. There laid Eddie, the same Eddie you used to constantly worry over and mother, on his knees, blood pooling from his chin where he’d smacked it against the ground.

His eye met you, but you didn’t do anything. 

Soon he groaned in pain, Henry had kicked him. Henry leaned forward, towering over the boy; “stay down.” And before you knew it, the grasp on your wrist tugged and you were off.


You gripped your jacket sleeves with force, watching as your breath formed before you in the cool evening air. You hated walking home alone, especially at night. It was when you saw things, things that shouldn’t be there but were. But of course, Henry hadn’t wanted to walk you home, so that left only one other option.

You laughed out into the bitter air, when did Henry ever wanna walk you home?

It’d caused many fights before, back when you first started dating. You didn’t want to stay out that later (or go out at all) but of course Henry wanted to, so you did. You’d stay out all night, doing whatever dumb thing him and his friends could think off until the sun had set and you could no longer see past you clearly. You’d beg him to walk you home, but he’d only shove you away and continue hanging with his friends.

Though, you guessed the moment of peace gave you time to think. Think about whatever. It never really was the same.

You let your eyes wander above you, to the night sky, viewing the many stars as you walked the streets of your neighbourhood. You were close, thankfully. It was January, meaning a new year and christmas had just passed. That also meant many houses still had there christmas lights up, too lazy to take them down and you could view the bright colourful lights in peace.

It wasn’t often you saw so much colour in your life nowadays.

Your feet made a crunching noise as you stepped into the snow, a sound you loved very much. There was nothing but colourful lights, empty streets and mindful thoughts.

“Y/N…”

You could see your house now, just before you and that gave you motivation to quicken your step. 

“Y/N.” Gasping, you turned around at the voice. You weren’t sure what you’d expected, but you had expected something. Instead, all you found was nothing. Just the street you’d already walked on a million times and the darkened houses except for the bright christmas lights. Shaking your head, you turned back around. You must’ve been imagining it.

“Y/N.” Okay, that time you hadn’t. You were sure of it.

“Henry?” You called, turning around once again. “Henry is that you?” Of course, nothing. People didn’t really like to reply to you much these days. “Henry, I-I swear to god if this is a prank…” There was nothing there, but you were so sure you’d heard a voice.

“Y/N.” You spun, the voice now much closer behind you. Except when you turned around, there wasn’t anything there.

“Time to play.” You spun again, back around and for a moment you saw what you never thought you’d see again. IT. IT. It’s red fire-y hair and sinister smile. But the next time you blinked, it was gone. “Time to play, Y/N.” You instinctively took a step back as maniacal laughter filled your ears.

Bolting around, you took quick and loud steps to your house, not daring to peer back behind you. You scrambled for your keys, fumbling to get them out of your back but the minute you did, you unlocked your door and swung it open. You wasted no time slamming it behind you, falling to the ground before it as you let out a shaky breaths.

Holding your hand against your chest, you tried to even your breathing. You were never afraid, at least you hadn’t been. Your friends made you stronger and now where were they?

Panting, you let out a little whimper. The second you closed your eyes, IT appeared and you wasted no time in opening your eyes again. Taking a look around your dark and vacant house, you were pulled away from the events that had happened outside and back into reality. “Mom?” You called, “you home?”

You wandered into the kitchen, finding nothing. No note, nothing. She obviously wasn’t home, but it’d be nice if she could at least let you know. Sighing, you dropped your bag on the dining table, taking a seat on one of the chairs. You let your head lean on your hand, staring at the darkened room around you.

“What happened…?”


Part 2?

Let me know what you thought! I hope you all enjoyed!

Anon asked: “I get all these plot ideas in my head, but I really struggle with writing them down in words, to sit down and actually write, partly because I usually think too much whenever I try to write (like how the grammar is and how it sounds etc) and I always think it all sounds so slow and boring when I write my ideas down… which leads me to just “write” the story in my head instead of actually writing it :/. Do you’ve any advice on how to stop doing that? Because it’s really frustrating!”
 

Originally a question for It’s a Writer Thing, but it was decided that answering it on this blog would be better for the less technical answer and the more actionable answer!

This answer will cover two reasons why my suggestion works, and one alternative if you don’t like the first piece of advice.

-       You Need to Stop Caring So Much

Your main problem is you’re overthinking things, which is natural, because you want this scene to be perfect. As perfect as it was in your head, and every moment it doesn’t do that, you become more frustrated and your creativity is more stifled.

Those grammar and word choices worries aren’t about grammar or word choice – it’s your mind battling with the cosmic issue of scientists not getting off their butts and creating a device that projects thoughts onto paper yet. There’s nothing wrong with your writing. You have created an impeccable scene in your head, and the more impeccable it is, the more dissatisfied you’ll be with writing it.

-       So, the solution:

Drink wine. No, seriously. Carve out an evening to yourself, put on some music that inspires you to write or that serves as the background music of a scene you want, get a glass of wine (or three), and sit down.

Drink the first glass of wine.

Play the music and start brainstorming the scene. Let it play out in your head. Let yourself get a little crazy in the details because you’re not writing yet, you’re brainstorming.

If you smoke, have a cigarette, and start on the second glass of wine.

Now start writing.

-       Why This Works

Wine takes the edge off. Stronger alcohol can work too, because it’s called liquid courage for a reason. It makes you stop CARING so much if it’s perfect, so that your mind can relax enough to actually write the scene as good as it can be. If you drink too much, then you’ll have problems with the keys, so know your own limit and drink just until you just have that nice buzz that makes you not so upset if this draft turns out less than satisfactory.

Trust me, when you look at it later, it will be 80% better than you thought it’d be.

-       The Sectioned Off Evening Itself Does Wonders

Knowing that you are just messing around with the scene for the next few hours – that it doesn’t have to be perfect; that it doesn’t have to be really anything, since you’re just having an enjoyable writing session – will take half the edge off.

You’re not here to do miracles – you’re here to chill out with a nice glass of wine and enjoy yourself! Even if you just brainstorm it in your head and write down notes to fill out later, that’s for later! You accomplished something. Good for you.

-      If You Don’t Drink

That’s fine. I’m not telling anyone to start drinking if they don’t like it, or encouraging alcoholics to fall off the bandwagon for the sake of a scene. … unless it’s a really good scene.

I jest.

The key is to chill out. So whatever makes you relax, calm down, and cast off the more anxious side of yourself, do it.

If you smoke, have a cigarette. Or five.

If you like a warm bath, get a notebook and try your best to keep it dry, or if you have nerves of steel, take your chances with the laptop.

If chocolate eases your nerves, get a bag of Hersey’s Kisses and go for it.

Just remember that you have to not only kill that usual tension that life brings, but you have to go one step further to make your inner critic decide to quiet down for the night.

-       To Wrap Around

The key is to calm down. Then calm down some more. Calm down clear to the point where your “give a damn” function is disabled for the night. You can accomplish some pretty amazing things when you don’t care so much. Then the scene at least has words on it – and you can always work with a bad scene, but never a nonexistent scene.

Hope this helps!

Broken // Jughead Jones

can you do a jughead/riverdale imagine where jughead breaks up with the reader, and the whole “squad” leaves the reader, so in despair she goes to the river to kill herself ( like what Cheryl did ) and Jughead saves her?

Warnings: Attempted Suicide, Swearing, sad jughead, blood.

Word Count: 2,625

Characters: Jughead Jones, Archie Andrews, Betty Cooper, Kevin Keller, Veronica Lodge, Cheryl Blossom.

A/N: If you ever feel like self-harming or think suicide is the answer, please, talk to me or someone. There are so many people going through this, and I’d hate for anyone to feel this way. x

— —

“I’m breaking up with you.”

Those five words had basically killed you. You knew you’d hear those words, but you didn’t expect them right now, after dating Jughead Jones for a year and three months. You hadn’t expected the words to come tumbling from his mouth. They were like bullets, each word hitting you in the heart. You had looked at the raven haired boy, who sat across from you. You were both in a booth, where you spent your time together. You had a sudden chill come over your body, the thick, khaki jacket couldn’t even keep you warm. You looked outside, the neon sign reflecting onto the window, but the thick, white snow still fell outside.

“How long?” You asked, looking back at the boy who sat in front of you. He looked emotionless, whereas you, on the other hand had tears welling up in your eyes and your hands were shaking a little bit. You bit your lip, looking around the diner. So many memories were made in this diner for you and Jughead. You had met him in this diner, along with Archie Andrews, Betty Cooper and Veronica Lodge. You had spent countless nights with him, curled up in the booth, a book in your hands as he typed away on his laptop.

“A few weeks,” Jughead said softly. He could see how broken you were right now, but he swore he didn’t feel the same. After a very intense conversation with Betty about her feelings for him, he thought he didn’t love (Y/N) anymore, but deep down, he still loved her. He was just too caught up in everything, and with Veronica pushing him to love Betty, he got confused.

You couldn’t handle seeing his face anymore. His beautiful, pale face. You looked down at your lap, hand covering your mouth as you let out a sob. ‘Don’t cry, (Y/N)…’ Jughead’s words went straight through you as you stood up, collecting your phone and book, shoving them in your bag and quickly making your way out of the diner, walking in the snow, making your way home and ending up on your bed, a sobbing mess.

-

None of them had talked to you in three weeks. They all sided with Jughead and immediately left you. Archie, Betty, Veronica, Kevin, even Cheryl had started befriending them all and she was giving you a few side eyes and glares.

You walked into the student lounge, one earphone in your ear as you listened to your Spotify playlist. You had left your book and water bottle on the table in the lounge. As you looked up from your phone, you saw a certain pair of blue eyes meet yours. Along with your ex-friends. Goose bumps appearing on your skin as you walked to the table, picking up the two objects you had to collect and shoving them in your bag, you looked over your shoulder, all six pairs of eyes on you. Your breathing had quickened, and you knew they all hated you. All because Jughead broke up with you. You could feel it in the atmosphere and see the look in their eyes. Running your fingers through your hair, you quickly left the student lounge and made your way out of the building, wanting to get home as soon as possible.

-

Another two weeks had passed and they were all still being so petty about Jughead breaking up with you and they were still taking it out on you. It had been over five weeks and they were still being so dramatic about this whole thing, but you just couldn’t handle it anymore. You closed your locker gently, looking down at your Converse clad feet and slinging your bad over your shoulder. You headed towards the doors that you walked through every morning, the ‘Core Four’ as your peers called the group that you had once been a part of, were walking straight towards you, but you were not moving out of their way. Your shoulder had grazed Jughead’s, and you looked over your shoulder, his blue eyes coming in contact with yours. He had a slight look of confusion in his features, wondering why you weren’t going the way he was going, since you both had English together. You wanted to say ‘I’m sorry’. You wanted to apologise and have him hold you, but you knew that wasn’t going to happen.

You had left the boundaries of the school, the snow falling and creating a crisp, white layer on the ground. You had taken a different route today. You weren’t going home. No. You were going somewhere that meant a lot to you, and you wanted to make sure that no one knew where to find you. The snow had gotten thicker, it reaching above your ankles at this moment, and it was getting deeper. You trudged through the snow, seeing Sweetwater River covered by a thick layer of the snow, and also a layer of ice had been hidden underneath the snow.

Your hair rested over your shoulders as you dropped your bag, letting it fall onto a log that was peeking out of the snow. You took your phone from your back pocket, staring at it for a few seconds before typing in your password and going to your messages. You clicked on Jughead’s name and started to compose a text message.

‘i don’t know why everyone hated me so much after you broke up with me. but now i understand, because i’m hating me too. i’m sorry.’

-

Jughead didn’t know why he suddenly got a text message from you, but as soon as he saw what you had written, he was on his feet, collecting his stuff and rushing out of the student lounge. So many thoughts were running through his head. Where were you? He tried calling you, but you didn’t answer, you were immediately declining his calls.

“Juggie!” Betty had called out to him, Archie, Kevin and Veronica also following the blonde, who was following the raven haired boy. “What happened? Is it your dad?” She continued, trying to catch up to him, but he was already out of the school doors and jogging down the stairs. “Jughead, please!”

Jughead turned around, his phone still clutched in his hand. “You! You’re all the goddamn problem! You wanted me to break up with her. You all egged me on to do it! Putting into my head that I’d be so much better with Betty! Well, no. I just wanted (Y/N) and now she fucking hates herself and I have no idea where she is, but she probably has one motive at this point and I think you all know what it is!” Jughead looked at his group of friends, his face was red, but he was almost crying.

-

You had managed to make it out to the middle of Sweetwater River, taking in a deep breath as the snow fell, and snowflakes had landed in your hair and on your eyelashes. It was a beautiful feeling, and you wanted it to be the last feeling you had.

Your clothes were a strong contrast against the pure white snow, and anyone could possibly see you amongst this blanket of white, but no one was around to see you disappear within the snow, so it would be like you dropped off the face of the earth.

You took a deep breath, the cold air feeling refreshing as you looked around one last time. You gripped the sharp rock that was in your hand, looking down at the snow and dropping to your knees. You pushed the snow, piling it up so you could see the ice. You raised your hands above your head, the rock still grasped in your hands. A rush of adrenaline had overcome you and you swung your hands down, hitting the rock onto the ice. A small chip had been made, but bringing the rock down onto the ice over and over again had started to show a result in what you were looking for.

“(Y/N!)” You heard a voice shout across from the shore of the river. You stood still, but looked over your shoulder. Seeing 6 people across the river, standing safely on the shore, whereas you were stood in the middle, hearing the ice creak the slightest bit made your heart beat faster. All 6 of your friends that had left you were standing there. Archie, Betty, Veronica, Kevin. Even Cheryl was stood there. But the last one, his signature denim jacket with a fleece collar and his beanie, was stood at the very edge. His eyes were wide and he was paler than usual. He was just hoping that the ice wouldn’t crack before he could talk to you.

-

“(Y/N), please! Just, come to the shore. We can talk through this. We’re so sorry!” Betty shouted, and Jughead gave her a side glance. Betty and Cheryl were standing behind Archie, and Veronica and Kevin were standing next to Archie. The boy that loved you so much watched as you turned around, fully facing the group of teenagers that had left you in a time of need. Jughead started forward, taking one step onto the ice. Slowly walking towards you, he told the others to not follow, because the weight of them all will surely pull them under.

“(Y/N). Come closer, please. We’re going to talk through this. It’s freezing and you’re going blue.” Jughead continued to walk towards you, but you stood exactly where you needed to. The ice was starting to crack a bit more, and you wished it would hurry up and pull you under the surface. “You know I love you and I care about you. I don’t want you to do this. I’m sorry that I was so pathetic. I should’ve known to stay with you. (Y/N), I love y-“

-

Betty Cooper stood there, watching the boy she had probably the slightest feelings for, confess his love to someone else. She wasn’t sure how to feel, but you loved him first, and she went out and ruined that. She felt like shit, putting it bluntly, but she would eventually get over it.

“You know I love you and I care about you. I don’t want you to do this. I’m sorry that I was so pathetic. I should’ve known to stay with you. (Y/N), I love y-“. Betty watched as Jughead’s face dropped and went pale. He stood there as his girlfriend disappeared below the surface. Archie was the first to move, bolting across the icy surface in attempt to save his best friend’s love.

“Jughead! Come on!” Veronica pushed him slightly, and Jughead realised that his girlfriend had disappeared. Archie was almost at where she had just been standing. The ginger dropped to his knees, seeing that the current had pulled her somewhere underneath the ice, which was acting like a glass floor. Jughead hand scrambled next to Archie, panting and looking at his best friend.

“Current’s pulled her under somewhere, spread out and look for her,” Archie spoke to Jughead, nodding. He watched the raven haired boy followed the way the current was going and started pushing snow from the icy floor. Archie repeated the same words he had just said to Jughead, in a louder tone. Everyone had started looking for her. Cheryl was stood at the shore, a phone to her ear. She was wearing a pair of heels, so Kevin had decided to give her is phone to call someone to get another car.

“Found her!” Veronica yelled as she pushed more snow away from the ice. Jughead looked up, his hair dishevelled and his beanie was crooked on his head. He scrambled over to where Veronica was and saw the body of his girlfriend starting to disappear deeper into the water. He looked around, in hopes to find something to break the ice with, but there was no luck. He looked at his hands, starting to beat at the ice. He groaned, his knuckles could definitely not take this type of beating, and Archie saw his best friend’s pain. Despite the words that Jughead would say to him after, he pushed him aside and started to hit the ice. So far, Archie was just cutting and breaking his knuckles, and blood was going everywhere, but he had eventually started to break the ice. His blood was mixing in with the water from the river. As soon as Archie had broken the ice, he and Jughead both reached in, grabbing onto either of your arms, pulling you onto the snowy surface.

Jughead took one look at you as he moved you away from the hole that had been created in the ice. Your skin was paler than usual, and your lips had gone blue. Your clothes stuck to your skin and you were colder than the water that was trapped under the layer of ice. “She isn’t breating,” he murmured, laying you on your back. He pumped at your chest, hoping that it would start to pump some blood into your system. Jughead shivered when he pressed his mouth against yours. It took him about three minutes to get you back, but as soon as you spluttered the water from your lungs, gasping for air, he pulled you into his chest, holding you so close to him.

Archie had given up his letterman jacket, since Jughead’s had become drenched somehow. You were in Jughead’s arms, shivering and shaken up from the events that just happened. You had realised in that very moment. As soon as your body went underneath that ice and you couldn’t pull yourself up. You actually thought you’d end up dead, and you definitely regretted putting Jughead, and everyone else through that.

-

“Juggie?” You whispered as you sat up in your bed. Everyone agreed to not mention anything, so Jughead took you home. You both got into the house just fine, since your parents were out of state for the week. He let you take a hot shower, got you changed into warm clothes (both you and him) and he let you sleep, while he took a shower, the scene of you dropping into the water playing over and over in your head.

Jughead looked at you. He hadn’t spoken much, because he didn’t know if he was going to burst out crying. He had just brought you back from basically dying, and he was still shaking up.

“I’m so sorry,” you spoke softly. Your skin was still crawling with goosebumps. Your room was probably as warm as a sauna or something. The heater was on, you had two blankets on, a pair of pyjama pants on, a hoodie and a fuzzy pair of socks, but you still felt cold. You felt so cold and heartless for attempting to do that, especially in front of Jughead.

“For what? If I hadn’t had arrived when I had, you’d probably be at the bottom of Sweetwater River right now, dead. And no one would probably know until summer, and that’s what scared me so much. I love you and I don’t want you to go anywhere right now. It’s tough for both of us, I know. And I am the worst person for pulling that on you, and being so pathetic about it.” He sat on the edge of your bed, looking at you. “Please, please. Don’t leave me,” Jughead’s voice broke as he leant forward, head resting on your shoulder. Small sobs could be heard, and your heart shattered into a million pieces. It was you that broke Jughead Jones. And you’d have to live with that for the rest of your life.

Soft; Sirius Black x Reader

It was a well known fact around Hogwarts that Sirius Black was a flirt. It seemed like every time someone saw him he had his arm draped around someone new and a cheeky pickup line falling from his lips. The girls that Sirius usually went after were full of witty comebacks and suggestive comments,so when he fell for the quiet hufflepuff that sat in the back of the class most of his wizarding peers were confused. No one could seem to believe that the legendary Sirius Black was so hung up on a girl that would get flustered when a teacher called on her in class.

It was true that she was shy. She always had been. She didn’t see anything wrong with it. Sure, sometimes it would be nice to not get so nervous all the time but overall she was content to bury her head in a book and keep to herself. She asked Remus if he could tutor her when she was struggling with astronomy. That was how she met the mysterious Black boy. He seemed to turn up to their study sessions more and more frequently and she couldn’t help how intrigued she was by him. Every time he walked though the library doors she tried her hardest to concentrate but his presence seemed to command her attention. He flirted with her at first and she would be lying if she said it didn’t work. He had charm and he knew how to use it well. He started chasing her down in the hallways and even found himself in her common room on a couple occasions. Every smooth word that left his lips caused to cheeks to resemble the color of her cherry chapstick.

He was nothing but a bundle of nerves the day he finally asked her out to Hogsmeade. He actually stuttered. He was so sure that he ruined his chances so when she smiled and said “yes.” He almost didn’t believe it. It was the best Saturday of his life. His afternoon was filled with flushed cheeks, soft giggles and a little bit of spilled butterbeer. He was not the kind of guy that believed in soulmates but whenever he looked at her he couldn’t help but think that some people are just meant to be in your life and it felt like she was handmade for his.

It was true that she was quiet. It usually didn’t bother her. Although, one time it really did. She was just as quiet in private as she was in public. It was one thing she couldn’t get over. Sirius was the first person she had ever been intimate with but even when she was alone, behind locked doors pleasuring herself under her sheets, she was still quiet. It was the one insecurity she couldn’t let go. She wasn’t completely innocent though. Once she got comfortable with Sirius she would easily throw out sarcastic comments with his friends. Most people would probably be surprised to learn that she initiated sex between them just as often as he did. She was well aware of Sirius’ reputation. She knew that there had been other girls before her and she accepted it. Although, she couldn’t help but wonder if they were better than her. She was sure that they were certainly louder than her in bed and she was curious if he preferred that over what he had with her. What if he missed fiery, bright eyed girls and rushed kisses? What if he was bored with her?

Little did she know, boredom was the furthest thing from Sirius’ mind. He loved the fact that she was quiet. It was far more intimate that way. It was true that girls he had previously been with had been louder in bed and that was fine. But this was different. This was better. She was everything that Sirius wasn’t. Sirius was all rough edges. She was nothing but soft curves. He was firewhiskey and cigarette smoke. She was vanilla, honey, and sugar. Everytime they intertwined themselves between his sheets, he felt like he was getting a shot of sunshine into his veins. A soft moan would escape her lips and fill the air and it knocked the wind out of his body. His name tumbled out of her mouth so sweetly, like a old song that he was learning to love all over again. He loved the fact that she was quiet. No one else could hear her. Her sounds of pleasure traveled directly from her lips to his ear. It was like her love was made for only him to experience. It was slow, it was passionate. She would lightly trail her fingers across his skin and place kisses on his jaw and he found shelter in her body. Moonlight would pour through the window and bathe her body. His heart would skip for a beat or two and he couldn’t believe this was his reality. She was a masterpiece in human form. How did so many things in the universe manage to go right to allow him to experience this? He would lean down and press soft kisses to the stretch marks on her stomach. Normally, she would be trying to cover them up but she was so caught up in what he was doing to her that she wasn’t focused on her imperfections. Every mark, every scar, every blemish that graced her skin was breathtaking to him. She might not agree but the fact of the matter is, if even just one tiny thing about her had been different, she wouldn’t be the girl he loved.

Sirius Black had never been in love before. He wasn’t really sure what that meant. He used to roll his eyes at the word. But when you meet a person synonymous with the word love, it doesn’t seem so ridiculous anymore. He had never experienced it before but if he had to describe the feeling that he gets when he feels her eyelash flutter against his skin, love seemed like a pretty good word for it.

How to Love Like Us (Ethan x Reader)

Description:  Ethan is asked to join his ex for a sit down video for a YouTube channel where they are instructed to ask each other about their relationship.  As they move through their conversation, travelling through the past, a question comes up that has yet to be discussed.  The response Ethan receives is one he never expected.

Word Count: 2,862

Warnings: Talk of depression. Language.

 A/N: This is based off of YouTube videos such as Hurt Bae and other couple one on one interviews with each other.  Thank you to @scuteedolans for encouraging me with writing this piece.  In this Ethan is about 20-21 years old.  I hope you enjoy it!


 Your POV:

It had been 6 months since I had last seen him.  I knew that we were about to enter the room at the same time to sit in those chairs, face to face, with nothing just a stack of questions and never-ending eye contact.  Sat in the center of a nearly empty room were two, tall director’s chairs set so that we would be across from each other.  A couple cameras were set up to record with the camera men standing behind them, just waiting for us to take our places.

I never thought that I would be in one of these “exes ask questions’ videos, but when I was told that Ethan was asked to do one, I felt like I at least owed it to him after the way we left off, so reluctantly I agreed to do it with him.

           “Y/n, are you ready?” I turned to face the producer who had set this whole thing up.  I’m sure my eyes were filled with fear and hesitancy.

           I took a deep breath and nodded my head.  Was I actually ready to face him?  Did I have enough time to prepare myself for what was to come?  I wasn’t told ahead of time what these questions were going to be.  It was obvious that there would be questions that would catch me off guard or would be ones that I didn’t want to answer, but I signed the form that I would be completely honest and open throughout the whole thing.

           “Is Ethan in place?” she said as she pressed the ear piece closer, waiting for the answer.  “Okay, perfect, let’s get ready.” She placed her hand on my shoulder, “You’re going to do great.  We can take breaks when needed and you don’t have to ask to get up.” Her hand gave me a quick squeeze.  “Do you need a tissue?” she handed it to me without waiting for my response.

           I looked at my feet the whole time I walked to my seat, too many thoughts racing through my mind for me to comprehend.  Once I was standing next to the chair, I looked up to meet Ethan’s eyes.  He looked at me with a warmth that made my heart skip a beat the same way it did the first time he ever looked at me.

           We both picked up the notecards from our seats before finally sitting down.  It took me a solid 30 seconds to adjust in my seat whereas it only took Ethan a moment to find a comfortable position.  He tapped his cards against his thigh to straighten them up, his eyes still trained on mine.

           “Would you like me to go first?” he asked quietly.

           “Yes, please.” My voice could hardly be heard. It was like my voice had caught up in my throat.

           “Okay.” He lifted the first card, reading it to himself before sharing it with me.  A small smile formed at the corner of his lips, “How did we first meet?” he placed the card at the back of the stack.

           I laugh a bit at the memory, “We were both at Best Buy.” He flashed a toothy smile, “You and Grayson were looking for a new camera while I was looking for a new lens.”

           “Grayson was doing all of the work while I was taking pictures of myself on each camera.” Ethan filled in the next part, shaking his head at himself.

           “You kept trying to take selfies with me in the background to make me feel uncomfortable, but it didn’t work.” I added, thinking back to that day.  I had noticed Ethan moving from camera to camera, turning it toward his face and snapping picture after picture.

           “And you,” he pointed right at me, “finally posed for a picture.  You flipped me off in the background.” He broke out in a small fit of laughter.

           I nodded, “I did.  You deserved it.”

           “You’re right I did.” He paused before nodding at the cards in my hands.

           Flipping the top one over I read it aloud without taking a look for myself.  I figured that it would be a better idea to just get it out.  “Did I ever do anything that made you question whether we were supposed to be together or not?  If so, what was it?”  The question rolled off my tongue much easier than it would have if I had read it in my head first.

           A frown formed on his face, his eyebrows knitting together.  He was taking a while to respond and it was making me more nervous than it probably should have.  “Nothing you ever did made me question us being together.  You were everything I hoped for and more.”

           My lips tightened, folding in as I tried to fight back the emotions I was feeling.  He said it in such a light tone, but the hurt that was in his eyes made my heart want to explode.  I tried to find the words to respond with, but there it was like fireworks, response after response exploding in my mind but fizzling away all too soon.

           Before I could even say anything he read his next card, “If you could describe our sex life in 3 words, what would they be?” I was surprised at how well he held it together as he asked.  I knew that he wanted to explode with laughter by the playfulness in his eyes.

           I bit my lip to suppress my grin, “Amazing, loving, and…” I tapped my chin, “adventurous.” I absent mindedly played with a piece of hair that was brushing against my face.

           “Oooh, adventurous!” he wigged his eyebrows and shoulders at the same time.  I immediately hid my face in my hands, embarrassed yet amused by his response.  “Don’t be so shy!” he leaned forward and gently hit my leg with his cards.

           “I can’t help it!” I argued, pulling out my next card, “What’s your favorite memory of us?”

           “Oh I don’t even have to think about this one!” he clapped his hands together.  “My favorite memory is the time we went on the jet ski and I let you drive it for the first time ever.  It was only a minute in and you knocked us into the water!”

           “I was so excited!  Guess the excitement got the best of me.” I giggled like a school girl.

           He shook his head, laughing, “When we came up we realized that you flooded the engine somehow so we had to swim it back to shore which took like a half hour.”

           “Then we got to the dock and you refused to help me out until I admitted that it was all my fault.  So when you finally helped me out I pushed you back in.”

           “And you told me it was out of love.  And I just knew, that I couldn’t let you go that day. I’ve never felt the way you made me feel.” He laughed, throwing his head back.  “God, no one could love the way we loved.  No one knew how to love like us.”

           “We did have an epic love.” I admitted, wishing I could relive all the moments we shared.

           “Next question.  What was your first impression of me?” he raised an eyebrow.

           I shrugged, “That you were a goon.  A cute goon, but a goon none the less.”

           “You loved every bit of this!” he held his hands out as if to say, ‘look at me’.

           I shook my head, heat rising to my cheeks.  “Let’s move on.  Are you in a relationship now?” my chest tightened.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear his answer, but the question had already been asked and there was no taking it back.

           “No.” he answered.  Short, sweet, and to the point.  “Are you?” he retorted.

           “That’s not your question to ask, it’s mine.” I raised my brows at him.

           “So you are.” He deadpanned.

           “No.  I haven’t talked to any other guy since you.  But it was my question to ask, so…” I made a childish face, placing the card at the back of the stack.

           He chuckled, “Always have to be sarcastic don’t you?”  I shrugged in response, “I miss your sarcasm.”  We both got silent.  He immediately looked down at his next card, “What was your favorite thing about me?

           “Your smile.” I responded.  “Your smile when you were excited, your smile when you were happy, your smile when I told a horrible joke, when we rode rollercoasters, when we were at comedy movies.  The way you smiled for me when I was sad and when I needed courage.  You’re smile whenever we were together.  I love your smile.”

           He purposely grinned from ear to ear.  He kept moving his head back and forth to make sure that I saw each angle of his infamous smile.  Of course I laughed because almost everything he does makes me feel an unexplainable joy that was unique to only him.

           “You were the reason I smiled.” Of course he had to pull on my heart strings a little more.  I was already feeling numerous different emotions and his actions and comments were only making those feelings stronger.

           “You were the reason I smiled.” I answered truthfully. Again we shared a moment of silence before moving on.  “What is the one thing you regret about our relationship or regret not doing during it?” I asked.  Why did these questions have to go so deep?

           His head turned to the side, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth.  He kept looking at me out of the corner of his eye, but he couldn’t get himself to turn to me.  I let him take his time; I didn’t want to rush him.  “I regret not telling you I loved you more.  You deserved more ‘I love yous’.  I wish I would have told you how much I love you every second of every day.”

           The tears finally started to well up in my eyes as he finally looked at me.  The Kleenex that had been sitting on my lap was now in my hands, ready to soak up any tears when they finally fell.  He had seen me cry enough already during the breakup, I didn’t want him to see me cry again.

           I pushed myself up from the chair, setting the cards down on the seat.  My feet carried me out of the view of the camera and off set.  Ethan didn’t follow me, he remained in his seat, his head turned back to the side again, only this time his eyes were focused on the floor. I could feel my heartrate picking up and my breathing going deeper than it had in the past 6 months.  My hands were covering my face as I took the time to collect myself.  It was a solid 3 minutes before I built up the courage to return to my seat.

           “Sorry for making you wait.” I mumbled as I returned to my position.

           He shrugged, “It’s okay, you needed a break. I didn’t mind.  I’ll always wait for you.”

           I tried to ignore his comment because there was only so much more I could take before I had a full on meltdown.  “It’s your turn.” I gestured towards the final card in his hand.

           “Oh, yeah.” He whispered.  “Okay, my last question is… Why did we break up?” his voice trailed off at the end.  “I don’t even know the answer to this question; you broke up with me and never told me why.” The curiosity in his voice was almost over shadowed by the pain.

           When we broke up there were so many things going on in my mind and when I made the decision I just left him with only a few words spoken and a thousand tears shed.  He deserved more than that but I was too much of a coward to tell him the reason.

           “I… I broke up with you because… I just…” I stuttered through my words.  I never thought the day would come where we would be sitting face to face with nowhere to run, and I would be forced to answer this question.  “I broke up with you because I wasn’t okay.  I was filled with a sadness that couldn’t be lifted.  It weighed heavy on my heart.  There were things that were going on in my life that I didn’t share with you because I know how easily worried you get.  I was just so sad.”

           “I could have helped you.  Why didn’t you tell me?  We could have worked through it together!” his voiced raised a bit but not too much.

           “Ethan…” I took a deep breath.  “Ethan, you were the only thing that could make me happy, but when you were gone my world got darker.  Do you know how scary that is?  How scary it is to know that you are depending on one person to bring happiness into your life?”

           “If you would have told me…”

           I cut him off, “If I would have told you that would have put pressure on you.  Pressure that you didn’t deserve.  I needed to learn to be okay on my own.  I can’t depend on someone all my life.  It was up to me to choose the path, it was up to me to choose recovery, and it was up to me to let you continue on your journey without me holding you back. There were many times I wanted to call you.  I wanted to tell you what was going on.  I wanted to ask you to rescue me.  But I had to be my own hero.”

           He ran his hand through his hair, a frazzled sigh leaving his mouth.  “What happened?” he whispered.

           “I was depressed.  At first I thought that there must have been something to trigger it, but there wasn’t. Sometimes people just get sad and there’s no explanation.  I started to pick apart everything in my life.  I wasn’t happy with the way I looked.  I was constantly searching for flaws on myself; it was almost an addiction for me.  I hated my job.  I chose to do what my parents wanted me to do.  I’m an accountant!  I fucking hate numbers!  I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to tell the stories built up in my imagination!  I wanted to tell our story!  And… I thought I wasn’t good enough for you.” Once I finished I took a deep breath.  I closed my eyes so that I could just breathe.  The silence allowed me to hear my own heartbeat, my pulse pounding in my head. I could hear Ethan’s breathing. It was a sweet rhythm that brought me peace faster than anyone else could.

           “You were always enough for me.” I felt his hand take mine in his.  “You are always going to be enough for me.”

           “But in my head I wasn’t even enough for myself.” I made eye contact with him.  “And I deserve to be enough for myself.”  I turned his hands over and traced the lines imprinted in them.

           “How do you feel now?” he asked, his eyes watching my fingers dance against his skin.

           I smiled, “These past 6 months I’ve been working on myself. A big part of it goes into my writing. I’m almost done with the first draft. I’m happier now.  It’s a work in progress, but there have been many successes.”

           “I’m happy that you’re feeling better and I’m happy you’re writing again.” He encouraged me, “I hope you continue to do so.”

           “I haven’t finished it quite yet…” I lifted my fingers from his hand, leaning back against the chair.  He leaned back as well, looking hurt that I pulled away.  “There’s one more question by the way.”

           “Hit me.” He said, tapping his hands against his legs.

           “It says… Do you still love me?” my hands tightened around the card.  “You don’t have to answer that.”

           He held up his hand, “I will always love you.  You were my world.”

           “And you were my world.”

           We sat there, eyes connected, voices off.  The workers dimmed the lights around us, leaving us in a peaceful darkness.  The cameras were turned off, all of the room was silent.  I stood up and Ethan mirrored my actions, our eyes still trained on each other’s.  He stepped forward, his hand sliding up my neck, delicately pulling me closer to him. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against mine.  I could hear the shuffling of feet carrying the camera men away, leaving us two alone.

           “God, I’ve missed you.” He whispered.  I could feel his warm breath against my lips.

           “And I, you.” My fingers lifted and played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

           “Please, come home.” I could feel his thumb moving in circles against my skin.

           “Okay.” I whispered, lifting my head a bit.

           “I told you.  I’d always wait for you.” He kissed me softly, whole heartedly, and gently. And although I never quit loving him, I somehow managed to fall even more in love.


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