it was a fish and then it turn into a phone okay alfie okay

FIC: The Tea Shop Girl (part 5/?)

“So, Kris, how many parts is this going to be?”

“Oh, eleventy billion, give or take.”

Also, who else is super-glad Tom didn’t actually break his nose? 

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

FIC: The Tea Shop Girl (Part 5/?)

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield/Reader. Also featuring, as always, “Calamity” Tom Holland.

Summary: The reader gets her cast off, Lila has to make a tough decision that could affect her relationship with Tom. Oh, and Harrison and the reader have sexy times in the shower.

Warnings: SMUT! And language, the usual.

Tagged: @scamandaaaamn​. @tbholland​, @cubedtriangle

Seven weeks after Tom fell off the kitchen island, the big day had finally arrived:

(Y/n) got her cast off.

Tom had gotten his stitches out two weeks after the incident; Harrison was finally allowed to ditch the boot three weeks after.

“Your wrist has healed beautifully,” said the doctor. “Normally I’d recommend a splint after, but i don’t believe you need it. Just sort of ease your way back into using it. Soak it for 20 minutes twice a day for the next couple of days, that’ll help with the dry skin. You’re free to go.”

“Thanks.” She hopped off the table; she and Harrison  walked back to the waiting room, where Tom and Lila were sitting.

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Red Light - audreycritter - Batman - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
By Organization for Transformative Works

“Gah,” Jason Todd exclaims, slamming one hand against the steering wheel. Dev, to his credit, does not jump but looks up briefly from the article he is reading on his phone.

“Problem?” Dev asks, glancing ahead at the road from the passenger seat.

“I’m so fricking hungry,” Jason growls, twisting in his seat to look out the rear window. “Tim’s right there. Why the frick did we decide to wait until after her recital to eat?”

“Because it’s barely five in the evening, mate,” Dev answers, sounding vaguely amused. They left the Arts Hall after going to Cassandra’s afternoon ballet recital en masse, and managed to talk Alfred into take-out burgers instead of the older man skipping the recital to prepare food for afterward.

“It’s a stupid time to eat lunch,” Jason snaps. “And why did Tim pick it all up, anyway.”

Dev pockets his phone and gives Jason a level look as the car crawls forward in traffic.


“What?!” Jason exclaims, throwing his head back. “AUGH.”

“We’re having dinner. Did you not eat lunch?”

“What the hell,” Jason throws an arm in the air and slams the gas to close the gap that’s suddenly opened ahead of them. A second later, he pounds the brake just as hard at a red light. “Alfred told me not to eat!”

“He didn’t mean all day, mate,” Dev says, a little startled now. “You could’ve had lunch.”

“Hold on,” Jason snaps. “Fuck it.”

The younger man throws the gear shift into park and before Dev can even yell in protest, Jason flings the car door open and tumbles out of the car, shaking off his seatbelt.

“Jay!” Dev says, pointlessly, craning to see.

Jason jogs ten feet back and bends down at the window of Tim’s car. Dev can make out Tim’s confused expression through the glass, but a moment later a brown paper bag of food and a drink are extended through the open window.

Jason snatches them and sprints back to his car, sliding into the seat amidst the car’s angry beeping at being left on while the door is open. He buckles again just as the light changes to green and the engine makes an awful revving noise when he presses the gas.

“Drive,” Dev says and Jason whips the gear shift around and they’re moving forward again.

Somehow in those few seconds of running or buckling, Jason has already gotten a cheeseburger out of the bag and is chewing a mouthful.

“I slept in,” he mumbles around a large bite. “Didn’t have time. Goodness gracious, this is heaven.”

“It’s only Park Avenue,” Dev jokes, peering into the bag Jason had thrown onto his lap.

“Listen,” Jason insists, “I love this cheeseburger more than I’ve loved anything or anyone ever. With all my heart. See if there’s another one.”

“The sack’s full of them,” Dev answers, sorting through the wrappers. “No chips, though.”

“Tim said there’s another bag of those,” Jason says, wadding the paper and foil wrapper. He reaches over and grabs another burger. “Alfred will understand.”

“We’ll say I gave you mine if anyone’s miffed,” Dev says, folding the top of the bag shut.

“Well, now I feel bad,” Jason protests, taking another bite anyway.

“I just want chips, mate. I ate lunch like a sane person,” Dev says with a grin.

“Har har,” Jason answers with his mouth full. “Gimme Dick’s next.”

Dev’s hand tightens on the bag and he edges it away from Jason’s reach.

“I’m not gonna eat it,” Jason says, putting a hand up in a gesture of assurance. “I’m just gonna lick it and put it back. I’ll tell him later.”

Dev raises an eyebrow and moves the bag further away.

“You are zero fun, Dr. Frankenstein,” Jason grumbles, turning off the main road stretch they’d been on. “It’s like you’ve been spending too much time with Bruce.”

“Don’t act surprised,” Dev says. “If you get him ill, guess who has to take care of it?”

“Alfred?” Jason asks. “Okay, yeah. That’s a deterrent.”

“I meant me, you plonker,” Dev says, his tone offended. “I’d not leave him to Alfie alone.”

“Oh, in that case, hand it over anyway.” Jason shrugs and slurps soda from the cup and then makes a face. “This is fucking gross. Why is this orange.”

“Your da’s, and I’ve tried to talk him out of it,” Dev says, pressing his shoulder against the door to brace himself. “Bloody hell, Jay, slow for the turns or we’ll both end up zombies.”

“You aren’t a Wayne,” Jason scoffs. “What makes you think you’d come back?”

“Steph’s not a Wayne and she came back,” Dev retorts, taking the cup out of Jason’s hand. “If you don’t care about us, at least have mercy on your sodding suspension.”

“It’s Bruce’s car. I don’t care,” Jason says, speeding through a yellow light. He glances in the rearview mirror. “And Steph didn’t actually die. Good. We lost Tim.”

“Were we trying to lose Timothy?” Dev asks, turning his head to look out the back.

“We’re racing,” Jason answers. A second later, he cuts the wheel hard and they slam around a corner into an alleyway. “Fish-fucking-sticks, I forgot about that new bridge. I bet Tim took it.”

“I did not agree to racing,” Dev says firmly. “Not in the middle of Gotham.”

“We have to get you away from Bruce. He’s rubbing off on you and it’s awful.” Jason doesn’t slow down coming out of the alley and takes a u-turn almost immediately on the road he joins.

“Have you ever been in a car with Bruce, mate,” Dev says. “Bloody hell, at this point, I’m not even going to want chips. Your da drives like a bat out–” He stops abruptly.

Jason turns to him with a wicked grin.

“Finish it,” he orders, blowing through a yellow light.

“I’m just going to stop talking,” Dev says instead. “I’m going to close my eyes and whinge to Alfie when we get back and never get in a car I’m not driving, ever again.”

“If you don’t want your fries, can I have those, too?” Jason asks, slowing suddenly. They crawl down the street at five miles under the speed limit and Dev watches out the window as they pass a squad car tucked back into an alley with a radar gun. “Do you know if they jokerized them?”

“If they what?” Dev replies, his stomach turning. As soon as they’re around a corner, the car picks up speed again.

“The fries. Did they jokerize them. The seasoning?” Jason says, as if this is obvious. “They’re crap without it but sometimes Tim skips it because Bruce gets weird about it.”

“How dare your da get weird about remembering you died,” Dev says dryly. “The sodding audacity.”

“Hey,” Jason says, coughing. He picks up the soda and drinks some. The younger man makes a face at the taste and then sips it again anyway. “You’re doing better. You didn’t pause all funny before you said it this time.”

“Audacity?” Dev says with a grin. “I’m shite at writing, but I can manage some big words.”

“You know what the frick I mean,” Jason laughs. “I’m pretty sure we lost, by the way. Check Tim’s location.”

“I’m not ringing him, mate. If he’s still driving, he’ll answer anyway. The lot of you have no self-preservation skills whatsoever,” Dev refuses as they drive over the bridge toward the more secluded Manor.

“You’re so old,” Jason complains. “Just open your texts and go to his contact info. It should be right there. Dick made him share his location with everyone after that insomnia thing.”

Dev slides his phone out of his pocket with his free hand and taps on the screen.

“Huh,” he says. “This is bloody convenient. He’s half a mile from the Manor and not moving. I hope Dames is okay.”

“Why wouldn’t Damian be okay?” Jason asks, looking over sharply.

“He was in the back, yeah? And if Tim was driving anything like you were…” Dev trails off as if this is enough information.

“You lost me,” Jason says. “Damian’s an idiot but he wouldn’t try to take over.”

“He gets carsick in the backseat, mate,” Dev says, typing a text while he talks. “Did you not know?”

“How do you know that?” Jason demands. “Gah, it’s like you’re turning into Alfred.”

“He was sick all over my car on the way to Lake Vernon last summer. He was too sodding stubborn to ask me to stop.”

“I don’t even know why you stick around,” Jason exclaims, braking to a stop. Tim’s car is on the shoulder of the road but the car is empty.

“Mostly for tea,” Dev says, opening his door. “I’ll look about.” He sets the bag of cheeseburgers on the seat when he stands, then he stoops over and gives Jason a skeptical glance and takes the bag with him.

Jason flicks the hazard lights on and climbs out. He squints, looking down the road.

“They’re up there, walking,” he says.

“The petrol tank says it’s empty,” Dev adds, looking through the driver’s side window of Tim’s car.

“Get back in,” Jason says quickly. “Hurry. He saw us.”

Dev obeys and barely is buckled again before the car speeds forward.

“What the bloody hell,” he yelps as the speedometer tips toward 60 miles per hour. They rush past Stephanie and Cassandra, who are holding bags of food and trays of drinks. A second later, they speed past Tim and Damian, who are both sprinting.

“We can still win,” Jason says. “And loser has to tell Bruce that we broke the T-Rex’s head before the recital.”

“You what,” Dev exclaims. “Does this mean we’re free? We can burn it in the yard?”

“He’s going to fix it. He fixed it last time.”

“Then what’s the bloody point?” Dev demands, sounding defeated. “How did you break it, anyway?”

“Um,” Jason says reluctantly. “We shot it. But it was an accident. And we won!”

The car skids to a stop on the drive in front of the Manor with a whining screech.

“You accidentally shot…the head of…the massive dinosaur…” Dev summarizes faintly.

“Mhmm. With a crossbow,” Jason says. “We didn’t think it’d just fucking shatter like that, but I guess it’s gotten brittle. And now Tim gets to tell Bruce and I swear to god someone will die if they didn’t season those fries.” He’s already out of the car and he bangs on the roof. “You coming?”

“Yes,” Dev says in a detached voice. “But only because Alfie’s inside and I can find some semblance of sanity there, otherwise I’d just spend the night right here, thanks.”

“Can I still have your fries?” Jason asks, turning to give Tim and Damian the finger as they stagger onto the front lawn from the road. Tim gives it back and sits down on the grass and Damian runs faster. Jason yells and bolts up the stairs. “Answer me inside! If I’m still alive!”

Dev waves to Tim who waves limply before falling onto his back on the lawn.

“I’m so hungry!” the faint yell carries to the car. “Can you throw me a cheeseburger?”

“What, did none of you eat before?” Dev shouts back, his grip tightening on the bag.

“I slept in!” Tim replies. “And then the burgers were stolen.”

Dev sighs and turns toward the Manor.

“Drag your sorry arse inside,” he calls over his shoulder. He stops and takes a cheeseburger out and sets it on the steps. “Here. I’m luring you.”

When he glances back, Tim raises a hand in a thumbs-up gesture.

“This sodding family,” Dev mutters. Alfred appears just inside the doorway and doesn’t flinch or blink at the sound of crashing behind him.

“In one piece?” the older man asks calmly.

“Just barely,” Dev replies. “I thought ballet was supposed to be calm and civilized.”

“Not for the Waynes,” Alfred says with a slight smile, stepping aside. “But I hardly think this should be news to you.”

Jason steps around Alfred and back out onto the top step with a struggling, protesting Damian thrown over his shoulder.

“Did you jokerize the fries?” he roars down toward the lawn where Tim is still lying. Tim sits up and cups his hands around his mouth to shout back.

“Of course I did. They’re gross plain.”

“Eat them outside!” Bruce’s voice carries out of the house from somewhere down a hallway. “Or I throw them away!”

Jason drops Damian, who just barely manages to land on his feet, and he tips his head back and growls.

“You’re repressing everyone!” he complains loudly.

“I’ll clean the patio table,” Alfred says, disappearing inside.

“My house, my rules!” Bruce answers and Jason turns and slams the door shut.

The girls are at the edge of the lawn now, still carrying food. Cassandra is slurping slushie through a fat straw. A window above the steps opens and Dick leans out.

“Did Jason lick my cheeseburger again?” he demands of the crowd in general. “Jay. Jason.”

“Frick yes I did,” Jason says.

“He didn’t,” Dev answers, holding the bag aloft. The window shuts.

“You have no sense of fun,” Jason moans, snatching Damian up again. The boy is as tall as Tim now, so it’s less like watching a child being picked up and more like watching someone be abducted. “Come on, Demonbird. We’re going to jump in the pool just like this.”

Tim has dragged himself to his feet and joins Dev on the steps. He leans over and picks up the cheeseburger sitting on the ground and unwraps it.

“I have to tell Bruce about the T-Rex,” he mutters. “Wanna come?”

“Why not,” Dev answers with a shrug. “It’s safer than being by the pool.”

phan Oneshot : Pinof 8

Time for another PINOF! 8.
Phill set up the camera, then took out the sharpie and smiled. “Whiskers!” He came at my face. I laughed as he drew them on me, and I drew them on him after.
“First question! ‘How was tatinof?’.” Phil read.
“Tatinof for those of you who don’t know, is the amazing tour is not on fire. Why you wouldn’t know that? I don’t know.” I laughed. “Uhm. It was very fun.. Experimental. Never been in the United States or in hotel rooms that long.” I said.
Phil cleared his throat at the mention of hotel rooms. We had some pretty memorable moments in those suites.
“Next question! Will Dil and Tabitha have a baby?” I read.
“Well they-”
“Woah! Spoilers Phil! Spoilers.” I shook my head. “You’ll have to wait and see uh.. 'Dilitha16’.” I pointed at the camera.
“Question numero très.” Phil put three fingers up. “'Do you plan on living together forever?’.” He read.
My face brightened. “We are ultimate best mates!” I said
“Yeah we do! We’re gonna be friends forever. And even more. I mean uh.. Even longer.” Phil shook his head, then laughed awkwardly.
“When will you guys get snapchat?” I read.
“What even is the point of snapchat!?” Phil laughed. “I don’t understand. It’s just like.. Vlogging.”
“Yeah. Uh. If someone teaches us how, maybe.” I laughed.
“'Dan! Why are all your clothes brighter than my future?’.” Phil read. “What? All my clothes are black. I-oh. OHHH! Uh no. You have a bright future ahead of you! Uh.. 'PhantasticPhan’. You jokester you!” I chuckled awkwardly.
“Phil. Why are you so adorable?’.” I read the question then looked at him.
“You realize this is definitely going to be a gif set. Right?” He said, laughing.
“Oh definitely.” I laughed.
We answered a ton more questions about the tour, about our favourite things, about each other. All while doing crazy fucked up shit. And then we got sad.
“Uh oh. Phil this is the last question.”
“Oh no!” He frowned.
I cleared my throat really loud. “Cut this out later but, which one should I read?” I asked him. One was asking how real Phan was, and the other was asking us to kiss.
Phil looked at me and smiled. “I’ll do it.” He took my phone from me.
He turned back to the camera. “Youtubeforever4 and amazingDan have similar questions for our last ones.” He said. “How real is Phan?” He looked from the phone to the camera. “That was YouTubeforever4’s question. But to answer it, we’re gonna answer AmazingDan’s question.” Then he turned to me, and hurriedly pressed his lips to mine.
We stopped the video. Edited, inserted a screenshot of the question before our kiss. We added the usual descriptions and everything.
Then he hovered the mouse over “upload.”
“Phil?” I asked, rubbing his back.
“Are you sure about this?” He said suddenly, looking over at me.
“Yeah.” I nodded, with a smile. “Are you?” I put my hand against his cheek.
“I uhm.” He cleared his throat. “Dan. You know I love you but-”
“But nothing. If you don’t want to post it, don’t. We can wait until you’re ready.” I crossed my legs to face him.
“I’m sorry. I..” He sighed and looked down at the space in the bed between he and I.
“Shh. It’s okay Phil. Really. We can wait. Here look” I took my phone out and wrote a tweet. 'pinof 8 is postponed but we can film a gaming channel video. what should we play???’ I showed him, then tweeted it. “See? It’s okay. No worries, baby. Okay?” I kissed his whiskered nose.
He flashed me his adorable smile and nodded. “Okay.”
I smiled and leaned forward, “maybe the filming of that video can wait though.” I smiled, leaning forward and pressing my lips to his.
He laughed and wrapped his arms around my neck.
We later…… much later, filmed our video. Phil edited it and then uploaded it. Then we cuddled, watched anime and fell asleep.
“Phil!” I whined. It’s been a week that he’s been waking me up early… and by early I mean before 12.
“Dannnnnnyyyyy.” he smiled and lay on top of me.
“What.” I frowned.
“Don’t hate me.” he smiled, snuggling his face into my neck.
“I need my beauty sleep.” I laughed.
“You’re already beautiful.” he kissed my neck.
I chuckled. “What’s so important you had to wake me up?” I asked.
“Check my Twitter.” he said.
I groaned and reached for my phone. I went on his Twitter and saw his tweet about PINOF. “PHIL REALLY?” I sat up, retweeting his tweet and liking it.
“Well what? It’s been a week.” he smiled at me.
I grinned and tweeted about it too. “Well, Philly, let’s do this” I smiled and sat up.
He opened his laptop and pulled up the saved video. “Ready babe?” Phil rested his head on my shoulder.
I smiled and nodded. “ready.” so he uploaded it.
The response was mostly incredible. Joey, Connor, Alfie, Zoë, Louise, Cat.. everyone tweeted about how proud of us they were.
In a video, a month later for my channel we were doing some sort of baking video. “hello Internet! Today I’m here with mah boyfriend.. Phil!” I inserted the 'yayyyyy’ sound effect when he jumped into shot. “and today we’re gonna attempt to bake a cake.” I flashed them my dimple. “oh.. but Dan.. what’s the occasion? You ask. Well. There isn’t one. I just want to make a fucking cake.” I said, Phil chuckled.
So we started the video. “Phil! You put the egg shell in the batter! That’s not where it goes.” I sighed.
“Sorry!” he laughed.
“You’re really lucky you’re cute, otherwise I would kick you out of the video.” I said, fishing out the shell.
he laughed.
All in all, our coming out was pretty great and we got to just be ourselves on our live shows, in our videos and in real life.