it was a bad idea to make it so big

Here’s an unsolicited headcanon that literally nobody asked for:

I’m a big proponent of the idea that to make your relationship a healthy one, you’ve got to accept the fact that sometimes the person you love is going to be petty. Sometimes you’re going to be petty. We’re all petty sometimes.

But Viktor and Yuuri are petty in very different ways.

Viktor is petty in that he still says things like, “You just wouldn’t understand,” instead of trying to explain himself because that’s what he went so long doing. He also has a bad habit of taking it personally when Yuuri doesn’t comment positively on a new shirt or pair of pants. And, of course, like Yuuri and his Bad Tie, Viktor is constantly running a monologue under his breath about the bad fashion choices of those around him.

“Orange is not your color, honey,” Viktor mumbles under his breath, referring to a woman walking past them wearing an orange-paisley pantsuit.

Even Yuuri can agree that it’s hideous, but he’s not sure why Viktor feels the need to point it out. Someday, somehow, someone is going to hear him, and he’s going to have to talk a person out of punching his husband in the face.

“You did a spread in Teen Vogue where you wore safety-monitor-orange pants and a neon green shirt,” Yuuri tells him, remembering it vividly because it was horrible and awful but that didn’t stop fourteen-year-old Yuuri from keeping it shoved under his pillow for…purposes.

“Ugh,” is Viktor’s succinct reply.

Viktor being petty about fashion makes sense to Yuuri, though. In a weird sort of way.

Likewise, it makes sense to Viktor that Yuuri is petty about food.

See, this is a learning curve for Viktor because his Yuuri is a sweet, beautiful and loyal person but he would probably get into a physical fight with someone over his favorite foods? Like, the first time Viktor eats the last of Yuuri’s favorite frozen yogurt Yuuri won’t let him touch him when they go to bed. 

This is such an odd concept for Viktor because his whole life it’s been like, “Oh? You want some of my food? Yes, here!” If it will make someone happy, Viktor would forfeit his favorite part of any dish so that a person he loves could have a moment of joy.

Yuuri on the other hand, sometimes warily stares at Viktor for a full ten seconds before allowing him to reach in and grab a (Small, Viktor) handful of the chips he’s eating.

“We’re married,” Viktor pouts, munching slowly on the four (4) whole cheesy poofs Yuuri allowed him.

“And?” Yuuri says, staring with determination at the television.

“I promise to love and support–”

“I am loving and supporting you,” Yuuri says. “You’re not married to my cheesy poofs. They don’t have to.”

This is the point at which Viktor usually lunges for the bag, and the aforementioned physical fight usually happens. Yuuri and Viktor usually look up from the subsequent heavy petting session twenty minutes later to realize that Makkachin has eaten the remaining chips and is now walking around with the bag on his head, bumping into the walls.

settle down | (m)

• pairing: min yoongi x reader, roommate! yoongi
• genre/warnings: smut, angst, fluff, slow buuurrrn, enemies to lovers
• words: 14,930
→summary: An unfortunate event finds you living with the man you practically despise over the summer. However, maybe through a series of fortunate events, you find yourself falling for him…
• note. this is a remastered version of the originally story I wrote called ‘and july’ (found here) that I wrote for suho back when I started this blog, albeit slightly (very?) different.

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anonymous asked:

How about Altean Prince Lance and Galra Keith?

Wah! I assume you mean fic or headcanon? Not sure. Let’s go with something  in between coz I haven’t had coffee yet so please excuse errors in this piece.

KLance for breakfast, why not? :D


Six Unreasonable Things He Hated About The Altean Prince And The Seventh Thing That Made Sense

1. Keith hated Lance’s—Prince Lance’s, as he often corrected himself, urgh—Keith hated his royal pain in the ass’ horrible sense of schedule or lack thereof. He never had a schedule when coming to the woods and Keith had to fucking figure it out on his own when the prince would decide to just leave the castle go on a stroll. Or skinny dip. Or hunt rodents. Or let the trees cast its leafy shadows on his face illuminated by the quietly greeting sunlight peeking from the gaps between the branches as he quietly slept near the lake. Not that Keith had any opinion of that particular scene playing out.

2. Keith hated that Lance thought slipping past his bodyguards to go wherever or do whatever was cool. It wasn’t. Dangerous was what it was. What did he think the crown was paying his bodyguards for if not to protect him? What if something happened to him? What if he got kidnapped? What if he tripped on his own stupidity and fell off a cliff? While it was true that nothing of the sort had come close to happening, Keith wasn’t taking any chances. So he kept watch.

3. Keith hated how Lance was bad at hunting. Well, not especially bad but just not good enough for Keith’s standards. There were far better ways to hold a dagger and more efficient ways to lay out a trap. Even Galra children knew this and… And holy hell, has no one told the prince that it was a bad idea to hide with his ass sticking out like that, the idiot? The big stupid Altean idiot. Why was Keith still looking!?

4. Keith hated how Lance lied about not bringing a gun when he went to the woods despite having the best aim in possibly all of Altea. His reason was that he wanted a challenge and guns would make hunting lose its challenge. The truth was that the guards had been so alert with his escaping shenanigans that escaping with guns had went from “can do if done right” to “nope, they have detectors now”. Had Lance never heard of slingshots, though? 

5. Keith hated that Lance was bad with daggers and swords. His swings were often too wide and too wild and his footwork was passable at best that Keith’s Galra upbringing were starting to make alarm bell noises. Lance was tall, lean, and fit. With constant and diligent training and exercise, handling blades wouldn’t be a chore. Keith would teach him but the opportunity had never presented itself and Keith wasn’t in any position to be making opportunities for them. Or him. Not them. There was no “them”.

6. Keith hated how Lance needed to go back home, back to the castle surrounded by sturdy walls, patrolled by guards, no longer visible from the forest where Keith lived.

7. Keith hated being a nobody stalking the Altean Prince Lance like this.

They weren’t friends. Not even acquaintances. Lance didn’t know he existed.

He wasn’t Lance’s bodyguard, wasn’t a knight secretly hired to keep him safe,  wasn’t part of his royal court anything. He wasn’t patriotic of any sort, wasn’t a diplomat and had no dreams of being so, and he sure as hell wasn’t looking up to the prince like he would an idol but… But Keith saw him one day. Randomly. Out of chance. The Galra was hunting for food and he found an Altean prince instead.

If it wasn’t for the crest on his shoulder, Keith wouldn’t even know Lance was a prince at first sight because Keith thought royalty was supposed to look, er, royal.  And Lance was nothing but happy-go-lucky sunshine that had Keith waiting in the forest every morning just to see if the Altean Prince managed to slip by his guards and run to have his little “adventures” again. He’d learned his name from one of the guards who found the prince sleeping under a tree and fuck if Keith didn’t stab that large armored stranger if his Galra senses had been a second late in realizing that this creature wasn’t a threat.

That’s when Keith properly realized the gap. Lance was an Altean Prince. And Keith… Keith was just some random Galra who had illegally migrated to Altea, finding refuge in a random god damn forest. Finding Lance was purely out of chance and Keith should be thankful. Any more than that was too much to ask.

But the first time Lance didn’t come to the woods for more than a week straight, Keith was this damn close to breaching the castle walls to get to the bottom of everything. What happened? Where was he? Was he sick? Did he die? Did he trip on a rock and die? Did something go wrong when he escaped and he died? Did he get kidnapped and die? 

So Keith promised himself and any divinities who would possibly hear his prayers if they existed that he’d stop being a creep in exchange for Lance being okay. That he’d either man up and introduce himself or just straight out stop stalking.

But Lance showed up the next day and everything went back to “normal”. They were back to Lance coming to the forest at least once a week and Keith watching him do whatever. But only from afar. Forever from afar.

i love you. god i love you. you are literally this person i never imagined that i would get to meet. you are so wonderful i can’t even express it in words and sometimes that’s a bit frustrating but i think it’s pretty rad that you go far beyond words. you can’t be explained in just a few sentences and metaphors strung together. but you are this lovely human that i get to know and i am so grateful for that. you are so effortlessly kind and compassionate and strong willed. oh god. how could anyone not fall in love with you the moment they meet you? i have no idea how anyone could feel anything but pure happiness around you. you know how people have that one person they want to call whenever they get news? or when they’re having a bad day and there’s that one person who makes it feel so much more weightless? or that person that you can’t even believe you came across in this lifetime but you’re so incredibly happy that you did? that’s you. you’re that person for me. you make me smile until my cheeks hurt. you make my heart beat so fast. you give me so many butterflies, i feel like a little kid with this big silly crush on a boy. i love you so much my heart cannot even contain it. just being around you is the greatest thing. whether we sit there and talk about whatever is on our hearts, whether we sit in complete silence, whether we just listen to the music playing - everything is so much more beautiful when i’m with you. i want to see the world with your hand in mine. i want to go to art museums in different cities. i want to go to concerts. i want to go on road trips with no destination. i want to stay up to watch the sunset, and then stay up even later to catch the sunrise. but i also want to lay in bed all day with you. i want to watch your favourite movies. i want to lay there on your chest and just listen to you sing. i have never had someone in my life who i wanted to really explore or do life with until i met you. this feels like what a first love is supposed to feel like. new and exciting, not toxicity and lies. there is so much love i don’t even know what to do with all of it. i know things aren’t always easy. i know sometimes things hurt. i know it can be scary. but it’s beautiful. it’s always beautiful. i know you’ve been hurt. so have i. you deserve the entire world and i want to give you that. i need you to know that i love you with everything i am and everything i have. i need you to know that i’m not going anywhere. you’re stuck with me. i will be here for you on good days when everything feels light and i will be here for you on bad days when everything feels dark and heavy. i’ll be here supporting you. cheering you on. through everything. i’m your number one fan and i always will be. you’re the strongest and most intelligent person i know and i’m so excited to be able to be by your side while you take on your dreams. and no matter what happens, i’ll always cheer for you. i will always love you. if the future doesn’t have us together, just know that i will look back and just smile. because you’re this special person that exists at the same time as me and i somehow got lucky to be yours. so if things don’t work out, just know that somewhere out there, there’s an alternative universe where we ended up together and that’s enough for me. and i love you. i love you i love you i love you. that will never change.
—  i’m in love with you and i don’t want to be anything else
THE MBTI TYPES FROM AN INFJ’s PERSPECTIVE

- This is all from my personal experience, everybody is different- yada yada yada.

- I love you all

INFP:

- You make me laugh so much

- No sense of space or direction, basically don’t send us to get something together because we will fail. 

- Good counselor

- Sometimes you don’t see what other people are implying because you are very genuine and trusting. 

- Nice stash of memes

ISFP:

- Why the HELL, why the absolutely HECKING HELL, do you SIT IN THE RAIN WHEN YOU HAVE A COLD? I understand you are a child of nature, but WHY? You will get an even worse cold!??? 

- I love you

- You’re emo sometimes 

- A lot of ISFP weebs

ISFJ:

- Why the hell haven’t you ever made me cookies like the stereotype says, huh?

- ISFJ’s will listen to you whine

- Good solid advice

- You are nit picky perfectionists at heart.

- You are very anxious and small and I love you. 

- Will cry if you insult their favourite characters

INFJ:

- I don’t understand the unique unicorn thing, you are all massive nerds and know it.

- Secret memelords

- Terrible at social interaction on the inside, but you aren’t as bad as you think from an outsiders perspective.

- Gets overwhelmed at parties. 

INTP:

- I love you

- Best type

- I’m joking

- I’m not

- Big nerd for video games

- I’ll be there at 3pm. (aka 5pm)

- Not actually good at maths

INTJ:

- When we first start talking I always think you hate me and then you secretly liked me all along?

- Hilarious

- Blunt in a good and bad way

- Your ideas amaze me

- Make very good artists

ISTJ:

- So, so, sarcastic

- A+ grade student 18 years in a row

- Speaks a lot but not to you

- Obsessed with young adult fiction 

- Has a crush on every actor

- Doesn’t like my memes?

ISTP:

- Understated humor that gets me every time

- Whenever i need anything fixed, after i try to fix it myself, you are there for me.

- Bad at social interaction until they get older.. and then, still….

- Leather jacket

ESTJ:

- Bad experiences, good experiences…

- That tertiary Ne gets me giggling 

- You listen to my opinions and accept them, even if you disagree with them- sometimes you even change yours once you hear mine. I admire this a lot and appreciate it.

- In the grip or looping ESTJ’s have been the most annoyingly patronizing people I have ever met, HOWEVER, healthy ESTJ’s are cool cats and I like you lots. 

ESTP:

- Honestly, dominant Se scares the hell out of me and I don’t know how you survive. 

- Bluntly honest, smart, caring- good good good.

- Always willing to help you

- Very eager to learn 

- Charming and hilarious

ESFP:

- Met two kinds of ESFP’s- shy and standoffish but sweethearts, and GO GO GO GO GOGO GOGOOG.

- Okay so once my ESFP friend slid down a 20 metre long railing with rocks beneath it and I almost died because YOU COULD HAVE DIED

- “I’m looking for a girl that will encourage me to slide down railings.”

- So much love to give, so many hugs.

- Please stop shaking it’s like a big chihuahua

ENFP:

- I can’t keep up with you but it’s so good

- I’m smiling at you in admiration 90% of the time

- Cute 

- Gets everything done somehow and has fun doing it?

- Doesn’t like emotions but is simultaneously the most emotive person ever.

ENTP:

- Everything, I love everything.

- Devils Advocate TM

- Very concerned and caring

- The memes are revolutionary

- Has a joke for every situation

- Cool nerd TM

- Stares at people lovingly when you don’t think I can see you doing it.

ESFJ:

- STOP. WORRYING.

- Takes responsibility for everything

- Actually hilarious

- Loves all boys

- Hates all boys

- Doesn’t give themselves enough credit

ENFJ:

- So much Disney

- So. much.

- Loves INTP’s too much

- Incredibly strong people

- Once they have a vision they go at it full throttle 

- Want’s everyone to be happy

- Hates conflict

ENTJ:

- The grand master

- I am terrified of you but i love you

- Gets it done

- Visionary’s

- Can get caught up sometimes and needs a friend to talk to

- Makes a lot of enemies accidentally, and a lot of the time on purpose

- Get’s annoyed when I make jokes about things that are unrealistic 

-but I keep doing it because I know it annoys you and I’m sorry

anonymous asked:

Can we get Yuri's birthday headcanons please?

  • Yuri loves birthdays. The cake, the presents, the attention? He’s 300% into all that shit. 
  • But getting excited over his birthday isn’t exactly Punk™, so he’s forced to play down his excitement every year, and for a few years, Yakov and everyone else don’t make a big deal of Yuri’s birthday out of deference to his preference, and Yuri is stuck with feeling low-key butt-hurt over it.
  • And then Yuuri comes to St. Petersburg to train with them! And Yuuri, because he’s the sweetest, plans a huge surprise birthday party for Yuri, and the others try to warn him it’s a bad idea. 
  • “What do you mean you just let his birthdays pass? Victor, he’s turning sixteen, of course we have to do something.“
  • They invite Yuri’s grandpa and Otabek to come surprise Yuri! Everyone buys cute feline-themed birthday presents for him! There is a cat-themed birthday cake!
  • Yuri is really :DDDDDD about his party, and Yuuri low-key becomes Yuri’s favourite person! 
  • JUST. I have a lot of feeling about Yuri spending his birthday with all the people who love him!!!
  • (JJ sends his newly-published autobiography; Yuri makes Otabek burn it, and Otabek does as he says, because it’s his birthday, and Otabek will do anything to make him happy on his birthday. He feels bad about it, after, and writes a thank you note to JJ on Yuri’s behalf.)
It’s The Fever Talkin’

SPN FanFic Drabble

688 Words

Dean x Reader, Sam, Fever

Warnings: It’s fluff.

A/N: I have a fever currently and just banged this out on my phone. I have no idea what the heck it is, but there ya go. I’ve kinda been talking to my husband like this all day so… why not. Also I’m not tagging cause I can’t rn. Werdz were hard enough. lol. I’m gonna go pass out now. Enjoy.

Originally posted by bringmesomepie56

“I can’t breathe. It’s too hot in here. Turn the heat off.” You kicked at your blanket, letting it fall off the couch onto the floor as you thrashed about.

 “The heat is off, Y/N/N,” Dean said calmly as he picked up your blanket and bent down to you. He pressed his lips to your forehead, feeling the heat pulsing off of you. “Yeah, you’ve got a fever, baby.”

“You’ve got a fever baby,” you laughed and pushed him away, shoving his chest with a weak hand. “Oh…we should have a baby. Let’s make a baby, Dean.”

Dean laughed as he looked down at you, concerned but amused by your apparent fever hysteria. “Uh, maybe tomorrow.” Carefully he lifted your hand from his chest and gave it a quick kiss. “You need to rest.”

“I need you,” you cooed, suddenly consumed with the idea of making a baby with your boyfriend. Maybe he was right, maybe your brain was frying, but it seemed like a really good plan. You grabbed a fistful of his blue flannel and tugged until he was practically falling on top of you, his plump lips just inches from yours. You tried to give him a sexy wink but failed miserably as another coughing fit overtook you.

Keep reading

This is an actual conversation I had yesterday with a friend who is a casual Sherlock viewer

Him: “So what happened to Sherlock? Why was The Final Problem so bad? It didn’t make any sense. It was super disappointing.”

Me: “Well, they succeeded in burning the heart out of Sherlock, just like they said they would years ago, by taking away all the cases and the friendship and leaving us with a flaming pile of garbage. And we may never know if it was one big coincidence or planned for.”

Him: “When would we find out if it was planned like this?”

Me: “Victorian fans had to wait 8 years after their version of The Final Problem, so… possibly never.”

Him: “Ah. That’s frustrating.”

Me: “You have no idea.”

anonymous asked:

RFA reacts to MC planning a surprise picnic for Valentine's day with food she made

Thank you for your request and i hope you like it!

Yoosung

  • It’s Valentine’s Day and you said you had a surprise for him in the park…
  • He’s already excited!
  • It’s his first Valentine’s Day with someone…He is nervous, but he also has sure that this will be awesome!
  • When you reveal to him what is the surprise, his jaw dropped!
  • You made that??! WOW!
  • Looks so good!
  • He’ll eat this food so quickly because for him this is too delicious!
  • But he’ll feel bad that he ate too fast so this date will have to end sooner 
  • HE MESSED UP HE WANTS TO CRY!
  • But when you reassure him that this is ok, he smiles, so relieved…
  • Your attitude in doing all these things…This beautiful picnic makes him be so emotional…
  • He’ll not sleep this night because he’ll keep playing the memories of this date in his head!
  • He’ll definitely some good breakfast for you tomorrow, with a lot of love!

Zen

  • Really MC?
  • A surprise picnic? Romantic.
  • Did you make the food? Romantic!
  • Wow, this is so perfect, why he didn’t have this idea!
  • Well, he actually knows how to cook, but your food tastes delightful!
  • And he’ll try to feed you, every time…this is getting annoying, but you know, romance!
  • He just finds this like a fairy tale, you and him, in nature, eating a good meal, with the wind blowing in your hair!
  • We need to take a selfie!
  • He takes so many selfies that the food is already cold when he’s going to eat it.
  • “EVEN COLD THIS IS GOOD”
  • -_-
  • After all, he loved this surprise, it was what he wanted, a romantic Valentine’s Day.
  • Well, now is your turn to see what he has prepared for you!

Jaehee

  • When she saw what you planned, she gives you a genuine smile.
  • This is such a good idea MC!
  • And she really keeps complimenting your food with so many cute compliments, you just can’t stop smiling!
  • That was so simple, but it was so good.
  • You two spend the evening just eating some casual food, looking around and talking.
  • Looks boring, but it was pretty good.
  • You never saw Jaehee smiling and laughing that much, this really made you feel so happy about all that.
  • She knows this was a surprise for Valentine’s Day and everything…But she really wants to do this again, you know?
  • You make something, she makes something…Everything will be perfect!
  • It will be a pleasant time, like always.

Jumin

  • He didn’t want to come here, but is Valentine’s Day and you said you had a surprise for him
  • What is surprising? He doesn’t know, but he sure want to
  • When you said it was a picnic, he thought this was too simple for this date
  • But before he could even say something you said that you prepared that food, he made sure to shut the hell up about it
  • When he starts to eat it…He almost doesn’t believe that you prepared that, something !it was too good!
  • When he asked what was your secret you just replied with “love”
  • That made him think…And then he realizes he has been a jerk all this time.
  • It doesn’t matter if is big or small, simple or not, the feelings…The meaning matters.
  • And you made this with so much love that not even the best chefs could so something so delightful 
  • He smiles so much that evening, he didn’t even look like that important and serious man called Jumin Han.
  • He sure wants to do this again, he can even something!
  • Oh, and can Elizabeth come or this is a bad idea?

707

  • You finally manage to make him leave that bunker for this one fucking day.
  • He’s just a dork running through the park, you would be embarrassed if you weren’t already familiar with his way.
  • When you reveal to him the surprise, he just gave you a big smile!
  • He already knew it, he watched over you, but he’ll lie and make sure you think he’s really surprised!
  • But happy? Happy he definitely is!
  • “Woow, you made real food for me? That was a miss steak”
  • Yes, he keeps making you laugh only when you have your mouth full of food.
  • After that, he’ll talk to you, finally being romantic, talking about the sky, until he gets even close to you, putting one hand on your cheek
  • “You know MC…” He got even closer, looking deep into your eyes, “I think we make a nice pear…”
  • DAMN IT SAEYOUNG
  • You get out a little mad and he is just laughing his ass off
  • “ORANGE YOU GLAD TO BE HERE WITH ME MC?!!!”
  • “IT’S NACHO YOUR PROBLEM” You yelled while walking
  • He just opens his mouth “…I love this woman…WAIT FOR ME!”

brandnewsoundsinmymind  asked:

Oh my god yes. Enemies to friends to loves is my all time favourite trope i am so here for this i love it. Can I ask for "You come to the restaurant I work at and choose me as your waiter(ess) every time just to annoy me and I can’t do anything in retribution or I’ll get fired AU" or "Just got caught under the mistletoe with my arch-nemesis and now everything is slow changing between us AU"? Pretty please? ilu goodbye

This is my completely inappropriate Christmas-in-March fic!

– –

“Move it,” Steve says, trying to shove past Bucky from Marketing.

“Jeez,” Bucky from Marketing says. “The eggnog will keep.”

Steve shoots Bucky from Marketing a look over his glasses. “You’re standing in the middle of the doorway,” he says. “You’ve been standing in the middle of the doorway for eight minutes.”

“That’s an exaggeration,” Bucky from Marketing mutters.

And,” Steve continues, refusing to be silenced, “I’ve been trying to get by but you’ve been ignoring me.”

“So go by,” Bucky from Marketing says, rolling his eyes.

“You. Are. In. The. Way.” Steve spits.

“I. Am. Not. Moving.” Bucky from Marketing responds, in turn.

Fine,” Steve says, pushing again, which would probably be more effective if Steve weren’t barely hitting five-four and if Bucky from Marketing didn’t work out so much (which Steve only knows because he comes into work with his sweaty gym bag).

And that’s when he hears Darcy from Accounting go, “OOOOOOOOOH.” He looks up, but it’s too late. Half the party is looking at him and Bucky from Marketing. “We got two losers underneath the mistletoe!”

Steve looks up at Bucky from Marketing, who is looking down at him and…

Is blushing. Like, a lot.

Bucky from Marketing’s jaw twitches. “Can it, Darcy,” he says, eyes darting over to Darcy from Accounting, then back down to Steve. “So, uh, you, uh…”

He’s a stuttering mess, and Steve frowns. “Is the idea of kissing me really that bad?” he asks.

“What?” Bucky from Marketing asks, voice cracking a little. “No!”

“Then kiss me,” Steve says, putting a hand on his hip. “I mean, having this mistletoe at an office party is a ridiculous notion, but whatever. It’s fine. Kiss me.”

Bucky from Marketing just sort of gapes.

“Fine,” Steve says, “then I’ll do it.”

And then he goes up on his tiptoes and does.

Bucky from Marketing is tense, so Steve doesn’t make a big deal out of it. He kisses him, waits a few seconds, then pulls away. “There,” he says. “Hope that wasn’t too painful for you.”

“No, not… It wasn’t painful, not at all! But I, uh, gotta, uh, I gotta go over there,” Bucky from Marketing says, then practically leaps out of the doorway and towards Natasha from Sales at the other end of the room.

“The fuck?” Steve asks.

Darcy from Accounting saunters up to Steve and gives him a high-five. “Hell yeah,” she says. “Look at you!”

“Uh, thanks?” Steve says.

“So, are you in love? Are you gonna get married? Have little Barnes-Rogerses bouncing around the living room?” she asks.

“Don’t think so,” Steve says. “He didn’t seem too interested.”

Darcy from Accounting raises an eyebrow and chuckles. “You’re joking, right?” she asks. Steve doesn’t bother responding, just gives her an impressed look. “He’s been pining after you since last quarter, maybe even before that. I think he was waiting under there in the hopes that you’d come by and he could sweep you off your tiny, Chuck Taylor-clad feet.”

“You’re joking,” Steve says.

She shrugs. “Better ask him,” she says in a sing-song voice.

Out of morbid curiosity, Steve looks over to where Bucky from Marketing and Natasha from Sales are standing, talking to each other with a sort of intense, quiet urgency. He watches them for a second, then nearly flinches when Bucky from Marketing looks his way. He’s still blushing.

Normally, Steve would look away, but this time he doesn’t. Instead, he smiles.

Looking almost confused, Bucky from Marketing smiles back.

“Well,” Steve says, “I guess I could use someone to get me a glass of eggnog, and Bucky is standing close to the buffet.”

“That’s the spirit,” Darcy from Accounting says. “And a true Christmas miracle.”

“I’m an atheist,” Steve says.

“It’s the spirit of the thing!” Darcy from Accounting argues.

“Fine,” Steve says, heading towards the eggnog and Bucky from Mar—

And Bucky Barnes.

anonymous asked:

will you use your powers as mystical shitposting dreamworks infiltration to give lance and hunk the character development they Deserve

ANON, I GLADLY WILL.

*cracks my knuckles* first of all:

  • Lance totally knows what a fucking hypothesis is. What the hell. My eight-year-old little sister knows what that is. “In English” my ass.
  • Hunk is literally… an engineer… How can they not remember this, they only gave Hunk like Three Defining Character Details. MMMMMM.
  • I’m only halfway through episode 7 right now but let me just say: Lance and Hunk would totally explore the space mall together. Because you know what you do when you go to the mall? YOU FUCK AROUND WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND.
  • If any of the Paladins would have an invested interest in learning Altean it would probably be Hunk since he’s the… idk… team engineer and therefore in charge of maintaining the Lions (that’s of course assuming Dreamworks ever gives him the chance lol!!!!!!!!!!!!)

And uuuuuurgh okay sidenote: I’m so mad that Dreamworks kept!!!!! Boosting Pidge’s smartness!! By making my BOYS look like idiots in comparison!!!! Like. Oh my GOD. Yes, I’m so proud of Pidge, and I’m glad that Dreamworks is giving her the genius credit she deserves. But they don’t have to do it at the EXPENSE of their CHARACTERS OF COLOR.

Like here is an alternative to all of those scenes that I just came up with while my ass is flying out of my seat with a fever:

  • Pidge goes on one of her techy tangents. She uses those big ol’ words that are seven syllables long. There’s a moment of silence as everyone stares at her, sweat-dropping.
  • “Okay, so…” Lance says, staring up at the ceiling as he taps his chin in thought. “Are you saying that you’ve like, made a program that tries to predict how much Galra activity there’ll be in an area based on how many showed up to kick our butts?”
  • Pidge blinks, thinks about it for a second, and then nods. “Yeah, pretty much.”

It’s not. Hard! Do you see how easy it is to tweak a scene so a character ISN’T put down, but instead boosted alongside another? Think about all those Fucky scenes!! Pidge, or Coran, or someone starts going on a technological tangent. Instead of making a pointless quip about food, Hunk adds to the idea! He contributes his own knowledge to the conversation!! 

Maybe for a second, Pidge and Hunk get caught up techno babbling to each other!! They’re having fun!! Shiro steps in, almost a little sheepishly. “Uh, guys,” he says, “what exactly are you saying?” Pidge and Hunk turn to him and try to explain, but they’re so excited that they babble over each other, and their conversation becomes even harder to follow. Shiro and Keith stand there, a little intimidated.

And then Lance steps in to translate. Maybe he doesn’t understand the precise mechanics of what they’re saying, but he can still help. You’d think that, after spending MONTHS with Hunk and Pidge, Lance would pick up a little of SOMETHING. Maybe he can’t recite a Wikipedia page about dark matter, but Lance can translate what his friends are saying into Layman’s terms. 

Do you see how helpful that would be for an audience? They get a complex concept explained to them by a down-to-earth, fan-favorite character who won’t be condescending and who will probably turn that boring scientific idea into something funny and easy to understand!! Plus, you know Lance! He could turn some Big Ass Complicated Probably Fake Invention™ into something that can be summarized in five words or less. “It makes the bad guys go boom” or “Oh, so this’ll stall their engines long enough for us to escape?” or even “So you need us to distract them while you set up some sorta microwave that’ll override their sensors. Got it!”

But instead we get… this. Ugh.

Prank Wars

Request Fic:  Bucky Barnes X Reader, Natasha Romanoff

Request Fic for @marvelandwinchesters927 care of @this-kitty-has-claws
Based off this video on YouTube.

Hope it’s everything you wanted, doll!

Summary: Bucky’s prank goes horribly wrong when he sets up his girlfriend.

Word Count: 2025

Warnings: Swearing


It was a fairly common occurrence around the tower. Bucky, skulking as only an assassin could, setting up another prank, usually aimed at Steve or Sam. Not Bruce, not anymore. Not after he’d Hulked out and nearly tore the tower down. Wanda could read him too well, and Vision was too self-aware. Tony had a tendency to retaliate in ways Bucky no longer wanted to think about. Sometimes Nat would catch one - though, after she’d threatened to shave his head in his sleep Bucky had toned it down with her. More often than not his pranks were aimed at you.

Keep reading

I decided that I needed to see what was going on with the whole Gil romance, not just rely on word-of-mouth. So now I have words and need to get said words out of my system before I can think of going to bed.

It wasn’t as bad as I feared, though if you want to read that as damning with faint praise, you’re not wholly wrong.

I just… You know, yeah, sure, gays having kids and a family, sure, there’s a thumb to heteronormativity there. BUT, and this is the big thing, starting this family isn’t Gil’s idea. Jill springs it on him. This is HER idea. He makes an off-handed remark about how ‘making babies’ is a thing, but we don’t really hear him talking about this being a want of his - he says himself, he’s a ‘live in the moment’ kind of person. He doesn’t plan for the future that much.

Any thumb to heteronormativity is negated by the fact that this isn’t something that Gil necessarily wants, that he is not the one who goes ‘I’d like to have a kid, Jill, if you’re willing, would you be the mother of my kid?’ He’ll come around to the idea, sure, but it’s not his to start with. It’s Jill saying ‘hey best friend I tease about making my job as a reproductive tech harder, wanna be the father of my babies?’ And that’s actually a red flag when it comes to becoming a parent. One of Ryder’s VERY. VALID. points is that this isn’t the kind of decision you can undo or casually walk away from. This is more than a decision. It’s a commitment. One that you can’t back out of - once a child is conceived, with the intent of carrying it through to term, you are bound to that child.

And the simple fact is there are more than a few gay people and couples out there who are content with not having a family. Like we recognize early on ‘traditional family life isn’t going to happen, to have kids is going to involve a lot of work and steps to get there,’ and there’s a lot of people who see that work and effort, see that time and effort and energy needed to expend on the business of having kids, and say it’s not something they’re willing to go through. Having children is not a be all end all for everyone, gay and straight alike.

And ultimately, this really makes Gil’s story, his character arc, revolve more around Jill - Jill makes the decision that she’s going to have a kid and tosses fathering it in Gil’s lap. It’s not about him deciding to start a family, it’s someone else deciding to enlist his help in her effort to start one. It sorta makes me feel like I need to only romance him, in every playthrough of Andromeda I ever have, just to keep him from being backed into a corner on this.

Because it IS her pressuring him - he talks about how she gives him shit about ‘making her job harder,’ and, yeah, all our information about their friendship is through him, there are friendships like that, yadda, yadda, WHAT WE HAVE IN THE CANON TEXT is that she pressures him, regardless of how much or how little she means it, and then, after all of that, proceeds to drop this in his lap, with a seeming expectation that he’ll go along with it. Honestly? What is Gil getting out of this supposed friendship? Cuz it hasn’t done anything for him lately.

This isn’t Gil’s story. It’s not about him wanting a kid but not having been ready or willing before to take the plunge, or about him getting past any abandonment issues to commit to being a father. Jill is the one who has decided to be a parent, and her first instinct is ‘I’m gonna drag my gay best friend along for the ride!’ There’s no thumb to heteronormativity in that. That just reduces Gil into an accessory for this straight woman who appears for two minutes tops of screentime.

If I’m charitable, I’d call this well-meaning but misguided. Given the overall treatment of m/m relationships in Andromeda, I am not inclined to be charitable.

5

( Inspired by an imagine by fandomoftears I really hope you don’t mind me writing this. It was just such a fun idea! )

Warnings : Balthazar does make a sexual comment. This imagine is kinda lengthy. Sorry, I got carried away.

You didn’t want to go; you weren’t really the religious type, but when a few of the Angels offered to go with you on a trip to visit your old family church, how could you say no? Cas accompanied you in your jeep since he knew you hated driving long distances on your own and the two of you met Gabriel, Balthazar, and Lucifer at you mothers house. It really was the oddest situation. You walked through the door to see your mother fawning over ‘how adorable’ Lucifer was and the angel looked surprised at the attention to say the least. Your mother knew about what you did for a living and she was beyond excited when you told her about the Angels. She insisted on meeting them, so this trip really did work out for everyone.

“Oh, (Y/n), these boys are all just so cute! And they’ve been so well mannered. I can’t really get the littler one to talk though.” She whispered the last part, cutting her eyes towards Lucifer.

“Luce, you feeling alright?” You laughed at him and he stuck his tongue out at you.

“Better now that you’re here, (Y/n).” He soon replied and your mother made a small squealing sound, squeezing your elbow.

“He’s flirting with you, (Y/n).” You mother said excitedly. You rolled your eyes. “So, where is everyone sleeping tonight?” She asked, looking around at the five of you.

“Angels don’t sleep, mom.” You said, laughing a bit as you carried your bags upstairs. The Angels had begun following you closely ever since you walked through the door and your mother was more than amused by it.

“I want to stay where ever (Y/n) is staying. We wouldn’t be sleeping much anyways.” Gabriel winked and you turned around on the top step, quickly punching him in the arm.

“Oh, you kids.” Your mother giggled before walking out the front door.

“Could you be anymore obnoxious?” You snapped at Gabe as you reached your old bedroom, throwing you bag on your bed.

“I could, but you keep me on a leash, doll.” Gabriel threw himself on your bed, bouncing once in the air before settling down on the soft mattress.

“Can you boys imagine how many times a sexually awakened, teenaged (Y/n) has touched herself in this very room.” Balthazar waved his hand around the room for a dramatic effect and you groaned in annoyance. “Oh, stop stressing yourself, love. We’ll be on our best behavior tomorrow morning.” He promised, sitting down in your office chair, spinning himself a bit.

“I hope so.” You mumbled before laying down next to Gabriel. “Don’t make me regret this.”

“We’re just poking fun at you, sweets. Now, you should get some rest. Big day tomorrow.” Gabriel seemed more excited than anyone and you didn’t see why. It was just church.

-

“(Y/n), are you sure this is a good idea? Should I be here?” Lucifer was holding your hand like a lost child and you felt kinda bad for him. “Of course I shouldn’t be here. What kind of question is that?” He was uttering to himself and you stopped, turning around to face him before walking through the church door.

“Listen to me, Luce, you’re fine. No one knows who you are and I want you with me. I need you with me.” You whispered to him. He smiled softly at you before taking in a deep breath and walking through the door with you.

“This is exciting.” Gabriel smirked, flopping down next to Castiel. Your mother was sitting in the front row, but you thought it would be best to keep your little party of angles in the back in case they got too rowdy. You were honestly worried at how happy Gabe was over this. He had to be up to something.

“Gabe,” you sighed, leaning forward so that you could see him past Balthazar. He shot you a wink.

“I’ll keep an eye on him, (Y/n). He won’t do anything out of line while I’m here.” Castiel promised you.

“Thank you, Cas.” You smiled a bit at him before the preacher took the stage.

“Let’s get this party started.” Balthazar said, resting his hand on your thigh. You never really noticed how close you were with all of the Angels until now. It was nice.

-

You were halfway through the service and you could tell the boys were getting antsy. Lucifer had both of his hands wrapped tightly around your right one. Balthazar was tapping your thigh impatiently and snickering quietly to you in between sarcastic remarks. Castiel kept leaning forward to look at you every time the preacher said something he didn’t like. Gabriel was just scaring you now. He was quiet. Too quiet.

You leaned forward to get a peak at him.

“Relax, darling. He knows better than to upset you.” Balthazar whispered to you, but you just couldn’t shake the worry you felt.

“There are signs everywhere of the Lord’s presence.” The preacher was saying. “When you’re in times of-” He fell silent, staring towards the back of the room. You and everyone else turned around to see a flag blowing frantically without a bit of wind in the room. Balthazar placed his head on your shoulder to hide his red face as he tried to hold in his laughter. You glanced at Gabe to see him smirking, at the amazed expressions on everyone’s faces.

“Oh my god.” You whispered, turning back around in your seat.

“God is with us ladies and gentlemen!” The preacher began shouting and the room erupted in applause.

“I’m gonna kill him.” You swore, looking up at Lucifer to see him smirking as well.

“He’s not harming anything, (Y/n).” He chuckled a bit. “If anything, he just gave these people a story to tell.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” You sighed, allowing yourself to laugh a bit and settle down in your seat. This actually went pretty well for having four Angels in church.

-

“It was great to see you, (Y/n).” Your mother hugged you tightly before kissing your cheek and turning around to look at the Angels. “Don’t think I don’t know that it was one of you who pulled that flag stunt.” She raised her pointer finger and looked at them sternly before breaking into a smile. “That was the most entertaining service that church has had since (Y/n) switched the piano music with an ACDC song.”

“You did what?!” Gabriel burst into laughter and you giggled a bit. “This whole time you thought that I was going to be the one to start trouble! We should have been keeping an eye on you instead!”

“Oh, hush.” You rolled your eyes before hugging your mom one last time.

“Don’t be shy, boys! Come back with (Y/n) and see me anytime!” She said as the five of you walked towards your jeep. You all waved your goodbyes as you pulled out of the driveway and started down the road.

“I actually had a lot of fun with you guys this weekend.” You admitted to the Angels, smiling to yourself.

“See? We’re not that bad.” Gabriel poked your cheek before turning up a song on the radio.

“Now we just need to meet your father.” Balthazar added with a devious smirk. Gabriel smirked as well when he saw a look of horror flash across your face.

“That is so not happening.”

“You’re going to be a dad”

A few months had gone by since you’d been disappointed to find out you weren’t pregnant when you and Harry had been so sure that you were. Fortunately, you both had been busy with work and other things since then, so you’d stopped focusing on and worrying so much about trying to get pregnant and just enjoyed the time you got to be intimate with Harry. 

It was now Monday evening and you’d just gotten home from work. Harry was at the studio and had told you he wouldn’t be home until late tonight. You were currently stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and scrolling through the calendar on your phone, looking to see if you had any important reminders for this week. You hadn’t realized it was already so late in the month and as you scrolled through, you suddenly stopped. 

Wait a second, you thought. Looking up from your phone, you ran numbers and dates through your head as you looked off into space. After a minute, you gasped, remembering that the last time you had gotten your period was the day  of your friend’s bachelorette party. You remembered because you had been planning on wearing this really sexy, tight dress you bought just for the occasion and you were so annoyed when mother nature decided to make that difficult. And that party had been… almost a month and a half ago. You couldn’t believe you’d never stopped and wondered where your period was or realized that it was late, but you had just been so busy and focused on other things. 

A smile formed on your face as you considered the thought that maybe this time it was actually happening, that you had actually gotten pregnant. But the smile quickly vanished when you remembered how excited you had been before only to be very disappointed. And it could just be stress that was making your period so late, or… any number of things, you told yourself. Trying not to get your hopes up, you rushed to the bathroom where you had stored a couple pregnancy tests in the cabinet from awhile back. Fingers slightly shaking and lips pressed together in anticipation, you pulled the test out of the wrapper and felt grateful that you’d just drunk a bottle of water not long before. 

Waiting for the test results, you sat on the bathroom floor so that you wouldn’t be staring at the stick the whole time. Your hands curled up into fists and eyes shut, you couldn’t help the images that were now swirling around in your head. Mini Harrys prancing around with their dad, curly hair and blue-green eyes and huge smiles on their tiny faces. You breathed out loudly as you stood up, taking one more deep breath before looking down at the pregnancy test that was sitting on the sink. 

Pregnant.

You couldn’t help the squeal that you let out upon seeing that word glaring up at you, and you didn’t care. You immediately lifted up your shirt to look down at your belly that didn’t look noticeably bigger than usual, but when you put your hands on it to caress it, you noticed that it felt slightly more firm than normal. You didn’t realize that you were crying until a tear fell onto your hand that was pressed to your stomach. This was something you’d been looking forward to for so long, and you couldn’t wait to tell Harry.

Harry.

He would be back in a couple hours now, and you had to figure out how to tell him. You’d always imagined giving your husband something that said “World’s Greatest Dad” to reveal that you were expecting, but you didn’t have the time to order something and you couldn’t wait to tell him. So you decided you had to be creative. 

Searching through Harry’s side of the closet, you quickly found what you were looking for: a plain white t-shirt. You felt a little bad marking it up, but he also had only about ten others that were exactly the same, so you didn’t feel that bad. Shirt in hand, you walked to the kitchen and found a Sharpie in one of the drawers. 

“Alright, try to make this look legible,” you murmured to yourself as you began writing in big letters on the front of the shirt. It was more difficult than you’d anticipated, especially because your hands were still slightly shaking out of excitement, but you were sufficiently satisfied with the result. 

Next, you scrounged around the house for a box to put it in. You knew it wasn’t necessary but you liked the idea of it being a present, it just made it more exciting. After awhile, you finally found a pretty blue box that had contained a gift your mom gave you for your last birthday. Folding up the shirt and placing it delicately inside, you put the lid back on and brought the box back to the kitchen, where you put it on the table. You checked your phone and saw that a couple hours had passed since you’d been looking through your calendar. You smiled, knowing that Harry would be home anytime now. 

But you also felt too wound-up and anxious to just sit down and wait. So you decided to bake. You were really in the mood for chocolate chip cookies, so you started whipping them up and were so distracted with them that you didn’t realize it was now almost 10 o’clock, and you thought Harry would be home by now. You sighed as you took the tray out of the oven, but your mood was immediately lifted when you inhaled the smell of freshly baked cookies and set them on top of the stove. They looked so good you could barely stand waiting for them to cool off. Fortunately, you heard Harry walk through the front door at that point and you couldn’t help but run towards him.

“Harry!” You greeted him with a huge smile and a hug before he could even get his jacket off. 

“Hi there, love,” Harry laughed, surprised by this greeting and even more surprised that you hadn’t fallen asleep yet like you usually did when waiting for him to come home at night. “What’s this about?” He smiled, noticing the smell of freshly baked cookies and realizing how excited you were; it almost looked like you were glowing. 

“I just missed you and I really love you,” you told him sweetly. “Oh, my cookies! Let’s go try my cookies, I just made them,” you added as you dashed back into the kitchen, and Harry tried to keep up with you. 

He smirked when he walked into the kitchen, a look of confusion evident on his face. 

“I love you too,” he told you sweetly with a smile as you munched on your cookies. He’d had such a long day and wasn’t in the best mood before he walked in the door, but he now felt so content. That was one of the things he loved most about you, how you could always bring up his mood just by being yourself. 

After scarfing down a few cookies, you finally took a deep breath and looked up at Harry, biting your lip. 

“Okay, whew,” you breathed out again, and Harry noticed your hands slightly shaking. 

“Babe, what is going on? Please just tell me what’s up, you’re acting so weird.” Something about his soft tone of voice and the way that he was looking at you so sweetly made you start to tear up, and you couldn’t stop the tears as they now fell down your face. You sniffled as you walked over to pick up the box that was on the table, turning toward Harry. 

“What’s going on, my love?” Harry asked again, his concern growing. You smiled up at him, tears still streaming down your face as you handed him the box.

“Just open it, please,” you whispered. Harry took the box, looking as confused as ever, as you stepped away to let him open it. 

You crossed your arms and sniffled again as you waited nervously. 

Slowly lifting off the lid and then picking up the shirt that was folded up in the box, Harry unfolded it and squinted his eyes as he tried to read the barely legible words you’d written in Sharpie on the shirt. 

“What is this… World’s Greatest-” Harry cut himself off as he realized what this meant. Turning to you to find that the tears were now falling uncontrollably from your eyes, he found that tears were now suddenly falling from his own. 

“I’m gonna be a dad?” he whispered, almost inaudibly as he started slowly walking to you.

“You’re going to be a dad,” you whispered back as he engulfed you in one of his giant and tight embraces. 

“Oh my God, we’re having a baby. Oh my God,” Harry murmured over and over before kissing the top of your head and then pulling away to sweetly and passionately kiss your lips. 

You started laughing, so happy and full of love for your husband and the growing life inside of you, and Harry started laughing too as he pulled away. 

“Fuck, I love you so much baby,” he told you before crouching down, lifting up your shirt as you had done earlier, and peppering your belly with kisses. “And I love you so much too, baby,” he crooned, placing his hands on your stomach. You smiled, stroking his hair, feeling light and happy and loved.

“I love you so much, Harry. You’re going to be the most amazing dad,” you told your husband, who now looked back up at you, his eyes glistening. 

“I’m gonna be a dad,” he whispered to himself, and now he was almost full-on bawling.

“Come here,” you laughed, bringing him back up to your level. This time, you were the one to pull him in for a hug. And you both felt so loved in that moment, and felt so much love for each other and the little person who neither of you could wait to meet. 

Husband!Minghao
  • The Best Friend™ Husband
  • he loves you but you can sure as hell bet that he’s always ready to go for the drag
  • don’t get me wrong, Minghao definitely has a romantic side with his wife and he’s probably adorable when you were still his girlfriend but when girlfriend turns into wife… well people get comfortable and you two go from 
  • Him: “Oh do you want to order mint ice cream and share?”
  • You who hates mint ice cream: “Yeah..!”
  • to 
  • “Why do you always buy mint ice cream, you know I hate it” “Its the only thing i can love in peace, you finish everything else”

Keep reading

Kevin:
Little town
It’s a quiet village
Every day
Like the one before
Little town
Full of little people
Waking up to say

Elders:
HELLO! Hello!
Hello! Hello! Hello!

Kevin:
There goes Thomas with his plate, like always
The same old poptarts made by himself
Every morning just the same
Since the morning that we came
To this poor primitive town

Poptarts:
Good morning, Kev

Kevin:
Good morning, Elder Poptarts.
Have you lost something again?

Poptarts:
Well, I believe I have
Problem is, I’ve, I can’t remember what
Oh well, I’m sure it’ll come to me

Kevin:
Where you off to?
To hand in this entry to Cunningham, it’s about why pouring milk first is a sin

Poptarts:
Sound boring

Villagers:
Look there he goes, that boy is strange, no question
Brash and arrogant, can’t you tell?
Never part of any crowd
‘Cause his head’s up on some cloud
No denying he’s a funny boy that Kev
Hello, good day
How is your family?
Hello, good day
How is your wife?
I need six eggs
That’s too expensive!

Kevin:
There must be more than this primative life!

Arnold:
Ah, If it isn’t my only gospel in town!
So, what’s the moral for this week?

Kebn:
How pouring milk before cereal is bad…
Do the locals even have cereal?
Have you got any new ideas to preach?

Arnold:
I’m afraid not
But you may preach any of the old ones if you want to

Kevin:
Your religion makes our small corner of the world feel big

Arnold:
See ya Kev!

Villagers:
Look there he goes, that boy is so peculiar
I wonder if he’s feeling well
With a dreamy, far-off look
And his nose stuck in a book
What a puzzle to the rest of us is Kev

Kevin:
Oh, isn’t this so inspiring?
It’s my favourite part because you’ll see
Here’s when Joseph Smith starts preaching
But they won’t believe that in him 'til chapter three!

Villagers:
Now it’s no wonder that his name means Beauty
His looks have got no parallel
But behind that fair facade
I’m afraid he’s rather odd
Very different from the rest of us
he’s nothing like the rest of us
Yes, different from the rest of us is Kevin!

Mckinley:
Look at him, Poptarts
My first ever love,
Price is the most beautiful boy in the village
That’s makes him the best

Poptarts:
But he’s so conceited
And you’re so selfless and kind

Mckinley:
Before we came to Uganda, I felt like I’ve been missing something
He’s the only boy that ever given me that sense of

Poptarts:
Mmm je ne sais quoi?

Mckinley:
I don’t know what that means
Right from the moment when I met him, saw her
I said he’s amazing and I fell
Here in town there’s only he
Who is so beautiful and hot
So I’m making plans to woo and marry Price

Other elders:
Look there he goes
Isn’t he dreamy?
Elder Mckinley!
Oh, he’s so cute!
Be still my heart
I’m hardly breathing
He’s such a small, pale, kind and adorable boy!

Villagers and Elders:
Hello, hey there!
Good day, bonjour!
You call this coffee, what lovely flowers
Some cheese, ten yards, one pound, excuse me I’ll get the knife

Mckinley:
Please let me through!

Villagers and Elders:
This bread, those fish, it’s stale, they smell!
Sister’s mistaken Well, maybe so

Kevin:
There must be more than this primative life!

Mckinley:
Just watch, I’m going to marry Elder Price!

Villagers and Elders:
Look there he goes the boy is strange, but special
A most peculiar Mormon boy!
It’s a pity and a sin
he doesn’t quite fit in
'Cause he really is a funny guy
A beauty but a funny guy
He really is a funny guy
Kevin!

anonymous asked:

How big of an age gap do you think is appropriate for dates? My kid sister just turned 18 and while she's fairly mature and independent, (I was a real tool when I was her age), she's shown interest in some of my friends(4 year gap :/ ), and I'm not sure I'd be okay with them having a relationship. I can't tell if this is just me being overprotective or if this is actually a bad idea, so I'm asking your opinion as a scientific-ish third party.

Ehh, there’s not really a single number you can put on it. Once all parties are adults, it just… kind of depends on the people involved. If they’re your friends and you know them to be decent people who respect women, I wouldn’t worry too much… I might talk to her honestly and articulate that, when you’re a young adult, a few years of experience can make a big difference and unconsciously affect how we treat one another, so if she’s gonna date someone older she needs to make sure she advocates for herself and doesn’t let her partner push her decisions. 

I imagine that your friend dating your sibling would be awkward for anyone, so like. That’s totally fair. 

Oceans - Stuart Twombly

inspired by the song Oceans by Seafret
word count: 4614

The scene was picture perfect.  Bright smiles, twinkling eyes, the fairy lights hung around the outside of the cafe illuminating the dark night.  Every time I looked at the picture, I could feel my heart beating in my chest.  My friends, all sitting around this horrible metal table.  Arms loosely wrapped around each other, cheeks pressed together, peace signs, a typical picture of a bunch of goony young adults.

The rose gold frame sat on my desk, catching my eye every time I typed away on my laptop, or watched Netflix, or worked on a new project Google handed to me.  I’d look at it for a few moments, it was never just a glance.  It probably took a good chunk of my day actually.  I’d stare at it, eyes flickering to every little detail.  The whiteness of Neha’s teeth, Lyle’s glasses slipping slightly down the bridge of his nose, one of Billy’s eyes was half closed, my hair was messy, spilling over my shoulders from under Stuart’s beanie.  My gaze would linger there, and if I was feeling peculiarly nostalgic or depressed, I’d gently caress the glass protecting the photo with my fingers, then go back to my work like nothing had happened.  Oh the vicious cycle of depression.

Today was the day where I got up early, ready for whatever my job would bring me.  Some days were harder than others, but never usually too difficult.  Though every night I walked back into my apartment with heavy feet.  But that had nothing to do with the difficulty of work.  No that was just plain anxiety and stress.

See, it used to be incredible.  Working on the greatest team of delinquents, that had quickly become my closest friends.  Winning the intern competition last year was probably one of the greatest moments in my life, that I’d remember forever.  Us dorks felt like we were on top of the world.  We’d even gone out for celebratory pizza afterwards.  That’s when things started happening.  That’s when I grew closer to Stuart Twombly.


The irritating and sarcastic boy that couldn’t handle being away from his phone, had seemed to transform into a completely new person in a matter of forty five minutes.  I hadn’t spoken much with him, in fact we’d never even been alone together or held a solid conversation without the rest of the team being there.  So when he’d sat in the same booth with me, I was slightly confused.  Neha had quickly slid in across from me, which I silently thanked her for, seeing she was the closest person I had on the team.  Lyle was on the other side of Stuart, fitting three of us into one booth (which left absolutely no space between our legs) and Billy and Nick and Yo-Yo were squashed in with Neha.

The night was fun though, we’d ordered many pizzas, and stayed until closing.  We joked around, made fun of Gharam, and his relentless act towards asking me out. 

“I mean, how many times did he try?” Nick snickered.  I blushed and looked down at my lap. 

“Seriously, the creep should’ve left you alone after the sixtieth decline” Lyle said, an awkward laugh following.  “How about a date with a real man?” My eyes widened slightly as I tried to see of he was being serious or not.  I couldn’t really tell.

“Come on man, Gharam just started leaving her alone give her the space to breathe” Stuart spoke before I could say anything at all.  I looked up at him for a moment, just as everyone began laughing again.  But he somewhat ignored my glance, pretending to be interested in whatever Billy was saying.  When I realized he wasn’t going to look back at me, I turned away and picked at my meal.

We’d stayed for another few hours that night, until a waitress came over and told us that she couldn’t let us stay any longer.

Her eyes were bored, dull as she looked over our table.  I’d figured we’d annoyed her.  We weren’t exactly a quiet group.  But they landed on Stuart, to which she’d grinned mischievously, and her blue eyes lit up with what I could only describe as desire.  Though the look didn’t bother me, it did confuse me greatly.

“Alright, we’ll be on our way” Nick had said, and everyone began sliding out of the booths.  Stuart stood, and our waitress opened her mouth to speak, but he turned away from her, smiling softly towards me as I scooted out of the seat.  Stuart held his hand down to me, and it landed on the small of my back as I stood.  It stayed there as I walked with him to the front door of the restaurant.

Again, confusing me greatly.

But as soon as we were out of the view I looked wildly up to him, my eyes wide and brows furrowed with confusion and question.  But he shook his head, just barely, but enough for me to close my mouth before any questions could be asked.  The others had caught up to where we were waiting and we all left.

We walked up to the Golden Gate Bridge, as we’d done a few times before to go relax.  I’d been there countless times, (I lived in San Francisco) but every time I went it was still just as breathtaking.  The group of us laid down in the grass, enjoying the view of the night sky.

“Does anyone know any constellations?” Yo-Yo asked, a few feet away from me. 

“Yeah I do” I said, already searching the sky for familiar ones.  “There’s Orion” I said, pointing up to where I recognized his belt.  “That’s Delphinus, Taurus, Pavo” I looked for more, licking my lips as I tried to remember them all.  “I think.. Yeah thats Scorpius, and that’s-”

“How do you remember these all?” Stuart asked from right next to me.  I turned my head, meeting his whiskey brown eyes.  I blinked for a moment, then chewed on my lip.

“I uh… I minored in astrology for two years” I murmured.  I didn’t mean to be quiet, my voice just sorta failed me.  Stuart smiled at me, eyes flickering between mine and making my breathing shallow before he looked back up at the stars.  I continued to stare at him for a moment, how freckles scattered over his jaw, and long strands of chocolate brown hair poked out from under his beanie, slightly over his ear.  When I felt I’d stared for too long, I blushed and quickly looked away.

I think I was growing very fond of this Twombly boy.

When it became so late, the sun began to poke up, I was nudged.  Apparently that night I’d fallen asleep in the grass.  

My eyes fluttered open to see Stuart and Neha hovering over me.  I waved them off and closed my eyes again, turning on my side.

“Come on y/n” Stuart sighed, and a few seconds later I felt strong arms pull me up.  I yelped, jolting and opening my eyes quickly, only to hear his chuckle.  “You’re fine, just go to sleep” Again, I’d found myself confusedly staring at him.  But he didn’t see.  He was talking quietly with Billy and Nick.  This time I fell back asleep. 

When I woke up again, I was being shook gently.  I yawned, eyes landing on Stuart.

“Wha-where am I-”

“Calm own would you? Don’t you trust me?” I thought for a moment, opening and closing my lips.  That was when I registered I was sitting in a taxi cab, and my head had been laying on his shoulder, cushioned by his beanie.  Which still sat there.

“S-sorry did I fall asleep o-on you?” He chuckled and shrugged.

“Your fine.  This is your complex right?” He asked, pointing up at the building lot we just pulled into.  I nodded.  “Good, that’s what Neha told me” He said.  I straightened up, cracking my back as the driver parked.  Stuart opened the door, stepping out and holding his hand out to me.  My eyes locked on his for a long moment, before slipping my palm into his and letting him help me out of the car.

In fact, he’d walked me inside, and into the elevator to the third floor, down the hall to my room as I’d directed.  I stuffed my hand into my pocket, grabbing my key and unlocking the door.  When I stepped inside, I realized our hands were still conjoined.

“Would you like a drink?” I asked, not wanting to let go for an unknown reason.

“U-uhm sure” Stuart nodded, and I gestured my head for him to come inside.  I released his hand, kicking off my shoes and padding my bare feet into the kitchen, and searching in the fridge for a beer.  “I-I’ve never been here before” Stuart spoke, looking around.  It was a pretty open apartment, the kitchen and living room practically conjoined.  Only two doors, one leading to the bathroom, and one to my bedroom.

“No one has, really” I said, plopping two glasses onto the countertop, then searching for a bottle opener.

“Seriously?” Stuart walked over to me, standing on the other side of the counter.  I nodded, going through drawers until I finally found it.  I easily popped off the caps of the two glasses, and slid one over to him.  He took it happily and I picked up mine. 

“No, I don’t have company over for anything” I said with a shrug, heading to the living room.

“Not even Neha?” 

“Not a single person” I said, plopping onto the couch.  Stuart sat next to me, turning sideways to face me.  “To you Stuart Twombly” I said, raising my glass.  “For being my first guest” He rose his glass, to clink with mine.

We must’ve sat there for an hour, drinking until I was out of beer, and glasses of empty alcohol bottles were all over my coffee table.  Not necessarily to get drunk, but we were having too good of a time.  It was as though if we’d stopped, then the night would be over.  We were enjoying ourselves so much, talking and laughing about little things.  To think, the day before, that the only thing  could tell you about Stuart Twombly, was his name, and he had an obsession with beanies and his phone. 

“Okay okay okay…” I giggled and slurred drunkenly.  “I’ll pick… truth” I said with a big smile.  He was pensive for a moment, then grinned when he came up with an idea.

“Why’d you move here when you were so young?” 

“I wasn’t that young.  I was nineteen” I started, taking a swig of my beer.  “My hometown sucked.  I was bad at making friends so I didn’t have any, my parents… I didn’t have daddy and mommy issues by any means… but I needed a change” He nodded, content with my answer and took a drink.  “Now, truth or dare?” 

“Dare” He replied and I clapped my hands. 

“I dare you to do a handstand!” I squealed, and he eagerly jumped off of the couch, then awkwardly laid his upper back and neck on the floor, propping his legs up, then laying his hands flat on the ground.  He was able to hold himself up for a few seconds, but toppled over in a fit of laughter right afterwards. 

“I almost did it” He slurred, still chuckling as he sat back up on the sofa across from me.  We clinked glasses. 

“Oh so close” I said with a giggle before drinking.

“Alright y/n, truth or dare?” Stuart asked, and I thought while he took a long drink. 

“Okay… I’ll do a dare” I gave in, to his surprise.  I had been dodging that choice the past fifteen minutes we’ve been playing.  “Give me a good one though, not some lame ass prank call, you can do better than-” 

“I dare you to kiss me” He said, in the softest voice I’d heard all night.  My rambling was cut short, and I felt for a moment like I’d completely sobered up.  I was staring straight into his honey eyes.  I licked my lips hesitantly, then slid forward on the couch.  I set my beer on the table, as did he.  The entire environment of the room changed, and I realized my eyes had lingered on his lips for too long.  I sure had a problem with staring at this boy.  I looked up into his eyes for a moment, before closing mine and leaning in.

Our lips touched in a gentle kiss, my hands sliding up to frame around his face, pulling him ever so slightly closer.  Stuart’s arms wrapped around my waist, tugging me further against him on the couch, until our chests were pressed together.  I sucked in deep through my nose before we parted.  His eyes stared into mine, and neither of us moved.  Just our chests as we breathed deeply. 

“Th-that was my first kiss” I told him softly between quiet pants.  His brows knit together, confused. 

“What? H-how?” I blinked a few times, unsure of how to answer.  Maybe because I’d never had a boyfriend? But I wasn’t about to admit that now.  Stuart released my waist, a hand raising to tangle his fingers slightly into a strand of my hair. “Can you promise me something, y/n?” He asked in a murmur.  I nodded as he intricately placed the hair behind my ear.  “Promise me you won’t forget how beautiful you are” He said quietly.  I nodded my head after a moment.

“I promise” I answered, cheeks pink in a blush.  Stuart smiled a small but genuine smile, and pulled away from me.

We sat back on our respective sides of the couch, and continued our game. 

I thought for a moment as I remembered that night.  We were so carefree, and maybe it was the alcohol, but maybe it was just how we were in general.  Maybe we were just two young adults, enjoying our Friday night, getting to know each other.  Or maybe it was what I had thought.  Maybe we were falling in love.

Two weeks later, and Stuart and I were still complaining about our killer hangovers from our long night of drinking and talking.  I’d woken up the next morning on the couch, my head in his lap, cradling an arm that didn’t belong to me.  He was sat upright, his head hanging off the top of the couch and groaning about a headache.  I’d remembered the events from the night before, and somehow managed to get up to retrieve aspirin. 

Stuart and I became close friends.  Very close in fact.  The kind people constantly think are dating, not that I minded.  I wasn’t sure if he did.  I wasn’t even sure if he remembered what had all taken place that night, but I didn’t push the subject.  We became the kind of friends who walk around holding hands, or hug, share food and drink, kiss on the cheek here and there- hell even I would think we were dating.  (i wish).

We were sitting in my apartment, the night after our photo was taken at the cafe, his infamous beanie resting on my head.  In fact, I was wearing it as of this moment.  The both of us were sat on the sofa, watching tv.  He was scrolling through his phone while I laid across his lap, my head on the armrest of the couch. 

“Hey Stew” I said softly, not sure if I really wanted to ask the question I’d been hung up on for the past days.

“Mhm?” He dropped a hand to my arm to show he was paying attention, seeing that his eyes were glued to his phone. 

“Do you remember the night you came over?” 

“Mhm, worst hangover of my life” He snorted, glancing to me for a short moment.  “Why? Wanna get drunk?”

“No, no Stew it’s important” I said as seriously as I could, but my voice was still quiet.  His brows furrowed as he turned off his phone and looked at me. 

“Alright” He said, meeting my eyes.  “What’s going on in that messy head of yours?”

“Do you remember anything besides the hangover?” I asked, finding it difficult to hold his gaze.  “At all?” I asked when he didn’t answer. 

“Hold on I’m trying to think… I drank a lot that night” His eyes were squinted, and my heart managed to sink and beat faster at the same time.  “I… we played truth or dare…” He started slowly and I nodded eagerly. 

“Yeah yeah we did”

“And.. and I did a handstand?” I chuckled quietly and nodded again.  “And… and you told me ab-”

“You asked me to kiss you” Stuart’s brows raised.

“Well that would’ve been something to remember” Normally I would have laughed. 

“But-but you don’t?” Stuart shook his head.

“No… why was I bad?” He chuckled awkwardly to himself.  I pushed myself up, and crawled off of his lap.  “Why- are you alright?” I nodded, even though I wasn’t.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I’d made things awkward for you that night” I just shook my head repeatedly, staring down at my lap, where my hands were wringing together.  “Hey is there.. Is there something else going on?” Stuart asked, turning to face me but I shook my head again.  “y/n/n don’t lie” He put one of his hands on mine.  “y/n” He said more sternly.  I hesitantly turned my head meeting his eyes and I felt my foot tap quickly on the ground.

“Sorry, sorry no I don’t know what- I don’t know what got into me” He frowned, but eventually got up and stretched a little.

“I’m gonna get a drink” He said, walking over to the kitchen.  I watched as he opened the fridge, and surprised me by pulling out a pop can. 

“No beer?” He shook his head.

That was the last time Stuart and I talked to each other.  Three months passed, and he hasn’t bothered to talk to me whatsoever.  I can’t really tell why, I don’t remember having done anything that would’ve driven him away.  The rest of that night I hadn’t mentioned the kiss, and it’s not like I admitted to him that I was in love with him.  At first, it just really pissed me off, but now I just keep more to myself than before, and tried to ignore him at all costs. 

No, that does not mean I’m happy.  In fact, I’m beyond miserable.  I don’t remember the last time I’d spoken to any of them, I’d hardly spoken at work at all.  Just on the phone when a customer or my boss called.  I’m not sure when Neha and I’s friendship ceased, somewhere along the line we just stopped talking.  Sometimes she sits at my small table in the cafe for lunch, but we still don’t converse.  Just sit there silently.

I walked in this morning, not anywhere near as dressed up as I used to get for work.  I was in jeans, old and worn biker boots, and a tee shirt.  My hair was in a ratty and messy bun, I don’t think I brushed my hair at all this morning.  In fact, I don’t even remember walking to the building (I lived just two blocks away) but I can’t tell you remembering the scenery or people I passed.  I groaned, rubbing my eyes as I sat down at my desk.  My elbows propped up onto the desk as I dragged the skin around the edges of my eyes, hoping to rub the sleep out of them.  It wasn’t working.  A small groan left my lips as I turned on my computer and began to sign in. 

“Good morning y/n” I jumped slightly, dropping my computer mouse onto the floor by my foot.  “Oh I’m sorr-” 

“It’s okay Lyle” I mumbled.  “What did you want?” He seemed to swallow thickly, and readjusted the glasses on his nose.  It made me think of the way Stuart used to always crinkle his nose before pushing his glasses up higher on the bridge of his nose.

“Well uh, I’ve actually noticed your lack of interaction with the rest of the team, are you alr-” 

“I’m fine, is here something important?” I snapped a little, but didn’t raise my voice.  I didn’t want the others to notice my ‘coming out of the shell I’d been hiding in’ moment. 

“Actually yes… someone from Communications is here to speak to you about your performance” I nodded my head.

“Well where are they?”

“At the door actually” I turned, and just as I did, Gharam walks over and stands himself next to Lyle, in front of me.  I stared with wide eyes up at him, having heard many stories from Neha and Stuart about Gharam and his… foolish charms.  “You look surprised darling” He spoke in an English accent, but something was off about it.

“I am, I wasn’t informed of any meeting, until here you are now” I straightened up, seeing that he was trying to intimidate me by leaning over, eyes downcast towards me.  I pulled a slight smirk on, just small enough to be noticeable but not questionable.  He only reciprocated it.

“Well love, I have an important question for you” You nodded, prompting him to continue.  “Attention! Low life Google team!” Gharam held his hands out, earning the attention of Neha, Billy, Nick, Yo Yo, and Stuart, who watched me intently.  But I looked back to Gharam.

“What’s this all abou-”

“Your very own lovely y/n here,has been given the opportunity of a promotion!” Besides Graham’s clapping, the room was silent.  I continued to stare at the englishman.  “What? No applause for this stunning creature?” I wanted to be flattered by his strange way of flirting, but instead I felt like regurgitating.  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Stuart walking out of the room, shaking his head.  It would’ve broken my heart, if it wasn’t already shattered

“Why do I get a promotion?” I asked quietly, and Gharam grinned widely down towards me.

“Because you, my dear, would be a lovely head of the Communications department” My eyes widened like a cartoon, and my voice caught in my throat.  How? My work has been average.

“I-I think you’re at the wrong-”

“Oh don’t be so modest, we can discuss the paperwork over dinner” Gharam smirked and winked, and I took a step away from him, huffing angrily.

“But I like working here!” I stated loudly, and angrily.  My hands were in fists by my sides.  “I like my group, I like my job I like my payroll, I don’t want a promotion” The man laughed loudly, holding his hands over his stomach like it was the most comical thing he’d ever heard anyone say.

“Oh don’t be ridiculous darling” He said, reaching a finger to swipe his thumb over my cheek.  I smacked his hand away with a slap that seemed to silence the room even more.  I didn’t notice that this was when Stuart came back into the room, I was too focused on the man in front of me.

“I’m not taking a job just so you can go out with me” I snapped at him, and moved to walk back towards my work space, but he followed me quickly.

“Problem? Gharam?” I spun back on my heel in shock of the voice I hadn’t heard in what felt like years.  Stuart Twombly was standing in front of me, his back towards me and Gharam trying to tower over him.  In seconds I watched as Gharam backed away, shaking his head and standing silently frozen.  “Come on y/n” Before I could say anything, Stuart took my hand pulled me with him out the door of our large office flat.  I walked quietly beside him, my hand still stuck in his as he led me through the hallways.  I looked over at him, but he kept his focus on his walking.  Dead ahead.  He was on a mission it seemed.

“Stuart?” I spoke, my voice practically a mumble as we neared the exit of the building. 

“Where have you been?” He asked as he pushed open the doors, with me still following right next to him.  It was the first time his hand released mine.

“I haven’t been anywhere” I muttered, my eyes narrowing slightly at his apparent anger.  “What, you’re mad at me because I haven’t been around?” He ducked his head down, instantly realizing his mistake.  “Wow.  Wow Stuart” I laughed bitterly, a passive aggressive grin on my face as I looked up.  My palm pressed to my forehead as I calmed down my laughter.  “If you don’t mind, I have work to get to” I said, turning to go back inside. 

“N-no don’t leave” He quickly ran in front of me, hands out and a pleading expression on his face.  “Please don’t just go” 

“And why the hell not?”

“Because I miss you y/n!” He yelled exasperatedly, and my mouth hung open in shock.  “I really fucking miss you” His voice softened, and I blinked, licking my lips before closing my mouth. 

“I missed you too” I said weakly. 

“And I do remember that night, I remember it vividly, every goddamn second of it” I couldn’t bring myself to tear my eyes off of him. 

“Y-you did? Then why did you-”

“Cause I didn’t want to say the wrong thing… guess I did anyways” I frowned slightly, stepping a little closer to him. 

“What did you think that you were going to say that would make me upset?”

“Upset’s not really the word… more like.. More like distant.  I thought you’d be distant and I didn’t want to lose you or anyth-”

“What were you going to say?” I cut off his ramblings, stepping closer again, if I took one more step, then our noses would ‘bump together. 

“I was going to tell you that..” He trailed off for a moment, looking down at his feet.  “That um.. That I…” My eyebrows raised in anticipation.  “y/n I really like you, I don’t know how you did it but you got me to fall for you in a matter of one night and I swear it wasn’t cause we were both drunk off our ass it was because you’re the first person I’ve ever met that’s… that’s real you felt real to me and I- I wanted to tell you that and I almost did but I didn’t want to mess things up-”

“You would’ve messed everything up” I told him. 

“I know” He said quietly.

“Absolutely everything, you would’ve ruined everything” I heard him sniffle, and he still stared down at his feet.  I chuckled quietly, and curled my fingers under his jaw, bringing his face up to look at me, even though he was practically above me.  “But it would’ve been in the best way possible” I told him solemnly.  I watched his eyes light up, and I smiled softly.  Next thing I knew he leaned down, and gently pressed his lips against mine.

“I’m sorry” He mumbled between sweet kisses.  “I shouldn’t have lied around it I should’ve just told you” I opened my eyes as his arms wrapped around my back, tugging me against him in a tight hug.  I smiled, arms winding around his neck and holding myself there against him.

“Try not to ‘forget’ that kiss, okay?” Stuart chuckled against me.

“I’m not sure how I could”


guys i can’t tell you how happy i am to post again :)
xoxo ~ joride