sometimes my mom will ask me if i have any advice to help my little sister navigate the treacherous waters of high school and i will never understand why she thinks i can help because in high school i
had such a goddamn mess of a backpack it took me ten minutes to find everything, which you would think would inspire me to organize it, but instead i started keeping a rubber chicken and a giant key and a wooden spoon and a fake bag of blood in there so that while i was hunting for my homework i would end up pulling these things out thus transforming my inability to find anything into a hilarious bit instead of a failure of executive function
would intermittently become convinced that i had a really obvious moustache and everyone was going to be staring at my awful girlstache, so i would paint on a clark gable stache with liquid eyeliner, thus ensuring that everyone would definitely be staring at my moustache and i wasn’t just paranoid
would have emotionally delicate days where i could tell i was going to end up crying for no goddamn reason so i would bring a three-foot tall stuffed toy dog with me, because a teenaged girl crying for no reason is a cliche but a teenaged girl crying into a comically large stuffed dog is performance art
dropped out after two years because i felt like i got the gist
lucretia cared about taako so much. “what home is good enough for taako?” she wondered, struggling to find a place for him.
“everyone in the world deserved to be around you, taako.” lucretia planned a successful future for him – maybe it was her fierce love, maybe it was an apology. she did everything in her power to make him known, because “you deserve it too, taako, to be recognized, to be admired by every living person you ever encounter.”
he was never supposed to be alone. lucretia knew that taako needed attention, affection, and she needed to give him that much. “you’re taako! from tv! and you are so, so loved.”
nearly a decade later, they finally meet again. taako and magnus and merle are standing in front of her, cracking jokes, and it finally feels like home. then taako – briliant, admirable, lovable taako, the starblaster’s expert arcanist, her friend who she’d rearrange the world for – cuts her off and says “well, listen. i’m but a simple idiot wizard–”
her heart drops. “no, don’t sell yourself short.” “no, he’s not, it’s pretty accurate,” magnus jumps in with a grin. taako shrugs and tells her “I appreciate it, but I’m comfortable with where I’m at. I’m just standing in my truth, here.”
lucretia knew better than to think everything would end up perfect. but watching taako deride himself, she couldn’t help but think that she could have – should have – done more.