Hearing Usagi beg to not be left alone gets to me every time. I don’t care when it is. She can be 2958 years old, and she’ll still plead for someone she loves not to leave her, AND I WILL STILL BE UPSET ABOUT IT.
It’s Usagi’s greatest fear, and we see it play out again and again throughout the series. As I said in an earlier post, it’s Usagi’s tragedy. The people she loves and needs most in the world are pledged to die for her, and for the sake of the larger picture, THEY DO EXACTLY THAT. Which only gives Usagi more pain for her fear to build on.
Even if Usagi wins the day, even if she manages to get them back, that fear NEVER fades. The deaths happened, they always happen, and Usagi FEELS them happen. She knows precisely how it feels when they’re ripped away, she knows that hollow space where they should be. She knows how it destroys her.
I love this SO MUCH about Usagi. Usagi is our hero, and that she’ll win the day is never in doubt. I also love that Usagi wins not through bitter cynicism or a resigned pyrrhic victory, but through refusing to give up on the impossible and being determined to make it happen
But Usagi pays a price. Others do too, I mean they’re fucking DYING here. But Usagi has to live knowing they died for HER, and knowing that they’ll do it again (and again, and again), and knowing that one day – maybe THIS day – they might not come back.
Then she does this.
Usagi buries her face in Rei’s hair. And it’s such a desperate gesture, Usagi needing that familiar comfort. How many times has she done this in the past? Was the first time after Mamoru turned evil? Was the most recent as early as an hour ago? Usagi needs Rei to be there SO MUCH, and Rei always is. That’s who Rei is, it’s what Rei DOES.