it shows even the most broken and angry can learn to love

A LIST OF SWAN QUEEN FAN FICTION

B/C I KNOW Y’ALL ARE TIRED OF LOOKING FOR SWANQUEEN FANFIC RECS ON TUMBLR SO HERES THE GOOD SHIT.

  • all of these are in english
  • if you have any recommendations or additions, please let me know!
  • some fanfictions that i originally planned to include on this list were deleted by their authors :( 


CLASSICS (favorites)

The Art Of Being Extraordinary - if you haven’t read this already, wyd? The ending will destroy you - be prepared to cry. 

Letters From War - another extremely well known fic among swen. a heart-wrenching and beautifully written AU fic. even if AUs aren’t your thing, seriously, give this one a try.

Emma is a soldier on reserve in Fort Benning. Regina is the Mayor of Storybrooke. Through a pen pal program designed to ease the ache of homesick soldiers, Emma and Regina begin sending letters to one another as their relationship grows from cordial acquaintance to something neither woman would have expected - until the letters stop coming.

A Trail Of Destruction - DEFINITELY a classic imo. this is one of my favorite fanfictions of all time.

A hostage situation in City Hall leaves behind a battered, broken sheriff, and a mayor wracked with guilt. Trigger warnings for violence and gun threats and general angst. Slow-burn swan queen.

Miles To Go - AU; emma and regina meet at a party and the rest is history. this ones pretty long (80 chapters), but so worth the read! angsty & lots of ‘sexy times’ 

Everyone has their own story, this one is theirs and it paints the picture of a love story that spans over two decades, with all the ups and downs and everything else in between. SwanQueen AU
 

Of Love and Loathing - a lot of angry sex in the beginning, which eventually turns into lovey sex. another well known and well written fic - this author is one of my favorites. *reaaallyyy hot smut 

“I have been sleeping with someone,” Regina began tentatively, an acute awareness that once she said the words out loud that the madness behind her highly unorthodox situation became all the more real, “whom I absolutely loathe.” •Emma/Regina•

Meet me Halfway - one of the first swan queen fan fictions i ever read! still a classic to this day. AU

Emma Swan works hard every night as a bartender, struggling to raise her son and save up enough to own her own bar. Regina Mills is an upper class New York photographer who wouldn’t normally spare a second glance at people below her. When their paths cross, their lives adapt to each other, but how much are they willing to change?

Love Undefined - in the process of re-reading this one because of how much i love it. angsty as hell but such a beautiful story.

It’s been eight years since the last time Regina and Emma saw each other, eight years since Emma lost part of her happiness, her family, and everything fell apart. But she hasn’t forgotten those three years in New York, or any of what Regina had brought into her life. A late night phone call to Regina takes Emma back eleven years to when they met, saved each other from loneliness, and Emma started learning what it meant to live. She relives the moments that had changed her life for the better, and even the ones that had hurt.

Teacher’s Pet - KNOWN AS THE ONE TEACHER/STUDENT FANFIC THAT EVERYONE HAS READ. 

Emma Swan is starting her senior year. Her friends tell her about the Creative Writing teacher that she has on her schedule and how no one had passed her class with an A, not even her bookworm friend, Belle. What will she do? And who exactly is this ‘bitchy Evil Queen’ as they claim her to be? SwanQueen. Student/Teacher. M for language and future chapters.

Lost in Translation - i wasn’t sure about this before reading it but i LOVED it. the description pretty much sums it up.

AU. Regina is deaf. Emma is the only one who refuses to give her pity. In response, Regina is thrilled by this new challenge and the stand-offs commence, but over time she finds out there is more to the blonde woman than just a target to throw a stinging quip and pointed glare at.

Send Up a Signal - emma and regina are actresses and their fans ship them with each other. ;)

Emma Swan is catapulted into stardom, the newest lead actress on a sanitized show featuring modern fairytales. Regina Mills is a long-undermined star with a chip on her shoulder and a thousand reasons why she’s invested. Naturally, they loathe each other on sight.Their characters’ fanbases, however, have other ideas.

Reset - SO. GOOD. 95 chapters. if you’re looking for long fanfics, this is for you. 

Following the breaking of the curse everyone in Storybrooke is finding their happy ending, with one exception. Resigning herself to having lost Henry’s love and respect forever, Regina decides there is only one path available to her.

Take Me Home Tonight - AU!! lots of smut :) this is a newer one that i’ve seen around twitter and tumblr and i really enjoyed it! this one’s pretty short (14 chapters)

AU: Nineteen year old Emma Swan is a senior at the exclusive all girls boarding school, Foxhaven Academy. When her friends find out she’s a virgin they send her to the city to find a guy to take her v-card. But Emma is more interested in a sexy older woman she meets in a bar. A SwanQueen story.

The Staircase - non-consensual sex in the first chapter, so please be aware of that; its not for eveyone. this story is very dark but has a happy ending i promise!

Regina could still smell her cologne and feel the cheap pleather pressing into her back. The brunette sucked in a breath. She was still lying on the floor at the staircase’s base and she stared back up at it. Everything was different now. Changed. She felt broken by what had just happened, appalled and enraged, dirty. WARNING: NC17 for non-consensual sex. Dark. (But gets lighter.)

the trouble with emma - very very well known within the swan queen community. i’ll be honest, i never really got into the story but i can acknowledge that it is the most well-written fanfiction i have read to date. the author is truly talented. (the first in a series of fanfics)

Post ep 4x23, Emma becomes the Dark One and learns nothing is quite as it seems or as simple as black versus white. When Regina removes the curse no one in Storybrooke is prepared for the far reaching fallout which leaves none of their lives unaltered or untouched, least of all Regina’s.

SMUT 

shadow haven  - the one smut fic everyone has read.

Emma Swan is a PR agent who is sent on a holiday by her boss. Regina Mills is the owner of a private island named Shadow Haven. There is more to Regina than initially meets the eye. This story dips heavily into the BDSM subculture. Swan Queen romance / BDSM story.

the wicked stepmother - the one kinky fic everyone has read- or attempted to. i couldn’t get through the whole thing but the first few chapters,,, holy hell.

When the Evil Queen catches baby Emma along with Snow White, she decides on a new revenge. In Storybrooke, Snow White will be allowed to raise her daughter… but on her eighteenth birthday, Regina will come for her. Emma might just enjoy that.

in control  - Regina had never been in the habit of relinquishing control, but when it came to Emma Swan, she was starting to find out that giving in had its benefits. - Established Swan Queen - One Shot. Rated M for language and content.

the collar - It will carry strong mature themes as well as a Mistress/Slave relationship but it is also a lot more than that. However, as a warning this story will celebrate the shades of grey of our favourite couple as they find their way to each other and will deal with darker elements of their characters. Emma’s history differs a little from canon but will be covered by the story but there is no Henry and she is an adult in this fiction.

a little taste  - author of A Fine Line and Letters from War. 

Emma has been desperate to know what it’s like to kiss the smirk off of Regina Mills, but when she finally gets the chance, it doesn’t seem to be enough.

tempest - A storm ushers in an expected opportunity for Regina to finally rid herself of Emma Swan. She will posses the sheriff’s heart and then crush it. But what happens when nothing goes as planned? Rated M for language and Swan Queen sexytimes.

come on be nice - Regina has decided that the quickest way to get rid of Emma Swan is to scare off the commitment phobic woman with a come-on. This, as with many of Regina’s plans, does not go as, well, planned. Rated M for Swan Queen sex.

black lace - Emma and Henry find a way around the 'no visiting’ rule involving binoculars and the walkie talkie. Emma’s attention is fully on her son, she truly doesn’t intend to watch Regina at all. At least until the mayor begins undressing in front of her window..

dirty words - Regina is plagued by thoughts of a certain blonde. Deciding she is in need of cathartic release, she writes a quick narrative in hopes of cleansing her system. However, by a happy accident, the story falls into the wrong hands. What will Emma do with this new and intriguing insight into the mayor’s mind?

damn you, miss swan  Emma visits the mayor one night with a bottle of wine to cheer her up. Anger issues and smeared lippy ensues. WARNING: Includes a non-explicit passing reference to rape. This is my first story. A/N Jan 2015: Way back when I wrote this, no one knew anyone’s back stories, so I just made up stuff. Don’t be upset for canon divergence if you read it now. It wasn’t canon then.

mirror tricks The Evil Queen has made her way to Storybrooke, but she only seems to be interested in one thing: Emma. When Regina realises this, her jealousy starts to get the better of her.

my enemy’s enemy After her mother’s death, Regina finds a terrible surprise hidden among the witch’s belongings. Unfortunately, the only one able to cure her from the ailment is Emma…if she agrees. Strong language and mature themes. First stab at SwanQueen :)

ANGST

to remember her happy ending - “She doesn’t even remember her family! How am I going to explain this to her when she hates me!” She was falling apart now. The way the women in the other room had just looked at her, with such disdain. That wasn’t her wife. That was the Mayor, the Evil Queen maybe…but not her wife.

for endings are where we begin Regina Mills is your average working mom - she spends long hours at her bakery, loves her son Henry with all that she is, and can touch dead things and bring them back to life.Emma Swan is an orphan, an ex-convict, and a bail bondsperson residing in Massachusetts. She is also currently dead.This is the story of how they meet.

the loudest silence - New to Chicago Emma, a professional cellist, is shocked to find that a beautiful deaf woman is her new president of the board. As their friendship grows Emma begins to wonder, what does it look like when a world of sound and a world of silence meet somewhere in the middle? SwanQueen AU

broken 16 year Emma Swan is a preachers daughter on a tight leash, what happens when Regina Mills returns to town, dark, mysterious and dangerous? Will her father’s expectations take over or will Emma follow her heart? Is Regina legit or is Emma cute little pawn? Will Emma be able to love Regina for who she is or will her dark past ruin it ALL! SwanQueen G!P Some BDSM

bring her home Cora’s dead. Henry lives with the Charmings. Regina continues spiraling through grief and loss and hatred. Then Emma suddenly falls unconscious and Henry shows up at Regina’s door because he needs her help to bring Emma back. Reluctantly, Regina embarks on a wild swan chase through Emma’s mind, a whirlwind of ‘roads‐less‐traveled’ and ‘what‐ifs’ and ‘might‐have‐beens’, in order to bring her home.

if the blazer fits Emma decides to dress up like Regina for a Halloween party at The Rabbit Hole, a seemingly innocent decision that surprisingly leads to a relationship. The romance is openly feared by some and secretly despised by an unlikely source, who plots to end it.

a fine line Upon Regina’s banishment, the small town of Storybrooke becomes protected once again by an enchantment that prevents anyone from leaving or entering Storybrooke. Emma and Regina find themselves on the edge of the town, wishing for a way to the other side.

a pale imitation Regina is furious with Emma after she brings back Marian, but since she can’t take it out on her, Regina creates a mindless clone of Emma to hit instead. The clone doesn’t stay mindless for long though, developing an obsession with Regina. Written for summer 2014 Swan Queen Big Bang. (TW for sexual assault/rape and graphic depictions of violence)

FLUFF

one fine mess - Regina’s gut twisted with an agonizing pull and, for just a moment, she thought she might need to take up the same position as the woman crouched before her. “You’re pregnant?” she whispered grimly. Emma’s only response was to turn and retch into the toilet again. — Swan Queen, magic!pregnancy

coffee at midnight - (so good) Slow burn AU that starts with two women from different parts of the USA meeting on Twitter. Emma is an insomniac loner who is a Personal Trainer. Regina is a writer with a sleepless baby. Their lack of sleep and love for coffee soon brings them together and after that they find it hard to part. This is a fic where coffee is taking to mythical levels, despite it’s bad effect on people with insomnia and people with babies - showing that sometimes what you need and want isn’t always the thing that is wholesome and harmless. But also that denying yourself it will only lead to misery, something which Regina has to apply to other parts of her life.

all the single ladies With the library in desperate need of renovation, Storybrooke prepares for a fundraising dinner and bachelorette auction. What mischief and romance can be found as a result? SwanQueen with some RedBeauty Rating has been raised to M - now including adult content.


TEACHER+STUDENT / EMPLOYEE+BOSS

teacher’s pet - see above (classics)

take me home tonight - see above (classics)

step into my office, baby  - This is what you get for doing the nice thing, Emma thinks. You do that whole Pay It Forward bullshit - you buy a lady some coffee and you pretend like it isn’t totally motivated by how she looks in a pencil skirt - and she goes and insults your business card and turns out to be your company’s new Executive Director. Real fucking cute.From now on, she is drinking tea.or, the one where they’re in an office.

teaching miss mills  - Swan Queen Teacher AU: Emma is a gym teacher, who moves to Storybrooke Academy after becoming disenchanted with her job back in Boston. Regina Mills is the Head of English who Emma somehow seems to keep having run-ins with, despite the best of intentions. Along the way, Emma adjusts to small-town life, gets her teaching mojo back and grows closer to Regina. NOW COMPLETE

troubled teachers - COMPLETE! SwanQueen AU. Geography teacher Emma Swan starts a new life far from her troubled past and meets history teacher Regina Mills. But all is not as it seems when it comes to the composed, intelligent, and beautiful brunette. Family struggles and difficult relationships lead to a friendship and soon something more blossoms. Rated M for Ch 7, 18, 22, 24, 28, 29, 31, 35 and 38

not a virgin anymore When college student Emma Swan wakes up one morning with no memory of what happened the night before she’s very surprised she finds herself in professor Mills’s bed. 

is that so, miss swan? - College student, Emma Swan, is confronted by her favorite professor and secret heart-throb, Dr. Regina Mills. What happens when Emma is forced to reveal her secrets? We shall see. AU. Slightly OOC at times. No magic. SwanQueen. Rated M for serious language and eventual sexy times between our two favorite ladies.

butterfly effect - in her final year of college, Emma finds she has more to account for than the extra credits she needs in order to graduate. Only… she doesn’t expect it to come in the form of her newest instructor, Professor Regina Mills. Complete. AU Swan Queen

a sophisticated seduction Emma’s a college student, working as an intern at the Dazzle Magazine for a powerful woman she has never had the good fortune of meeting. But everything in her life is about to change when they finally meet. Especially when one falls so deeply in love with the other and the insecurities from a broken marriage comes to light. (Not Based on The Devil Wears Prada)

some other faves

down east decisions - Massachusetts State Police Capt. Emma Swan leaves her red-hot career to become the police chief of sleepy Storybrooke, Maine. She’s hoping for a less-complicated, less-dangerous life, a desire that is dashed on both counts. AU. No magic. Crime drama and romance. Swan Queen is endgame.

that drunken night - Emma’s wasted and accidentally calls Regina instead of her mom. And Regina isn’t as loathe to talk to the blonde as she usually pretends. Did things change between them so radically while they were in Neverland? (No copyright infringement intended.)

chasing henry - SQ. Tired of the tricks and lies of both of his mothers, Henry follows the dwarves, Red and Granny when they use Tiny’s magic beans to return themselves to their old land. Emma and Regina both chase after him, and they reluctantly travel together through the Enchanted Forest in order to find him and bring him back home safely.

so does this make us both the other woman? - Set after 3b in a peaceful Storybrooke where Regina is with Robin and Emma’s fallen into a relationship with Hook. Shame about all that subtext that’s rapidly threatening to become text.

Are Sangwoo’s emotions genuine?

I’ve seen the word ‘love’ is being used a lot lately by the fans. Does Sangwoo really love Yoonbum or not? Does he feel any emotions at all? How genuine and real his emotions can be?

There are 3 possibilities based on certain personalities:

  1. He’s written as a psychopath and doesn’t and will never truly love Yoonbum.
  2. He’s suffering from some sort of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and is using the ‘numbing’ method to cope with everything. But he can fall in love.
  3. He has Borderline Personality Disorder and loves Yoonbum.

1. Antisocial Personality Disorder

I know Koogi didn’t do any researches about the disorders so keep in mind these are more about certain personalities. I’m not focusing on the disorders! Let’s imagine what happens if Sangwoo is written as a ‘stereotypical’ psychopath/crazy person (with some psychology facts).

Psychopaths have very shallow feelings. They do not understand fear at all, they lack empathy and do not feel guilt. There are certain emotions such as love and sadness and they do not feel those like others do. There are several panels with Sangwoo with question marks next to him, showing he’s genuinely confused because he doesn’t understand Yoonbum’s fear“Of course it’s dark, it’s a basement!!!?” or when he asks Yoonbum what is he doing when Yoonbum is trying to run away. He expects Yoonbum to stay quiet while he’s cutting him. He shows no empathy when Yoonbum talks about his past, even calls it “Boring”. There’s especially a panel I came across yesterday, of Sangwoo misinterpreting Yoonbum’s expression which leads me to believe Sangwoo does not understand ‘upset’, ‘sad’ or ‘scared’ because his ‘emotions’ are very limited, mostly to anger and summarized to feeling good, feeling bad.

Everything is a game for Sangwoo. And people are the toys. That shows how shallow he is. Think about him throughout the chapters. Every single move he made was for a game.

He plays until he’s bored of the game and then throws away the toys when there are no benefits for him in the game or when the game is not fun anymore. This is especially hard for a lot of fans to accept because they can’t believe after everything someone would just end it like that. But psychopaths do!

Sangwoo’s love for Yoonbum as a psychopath is not love at all. It’s self-centered. It’s about Sangwoo, not about Yoonbum. Psychopaths grow up learning from others. It helps them survive and fit in like a normal person but in the end they do not truly understand those feelings. Sangwoo does things to show affection but those are things he THINKS must be done in that certain situation and because he does not really understand them, they look wrong, out of place and weird. (like the bathroom scene or when he hugs Bum in the car or after they kill the man from the gaybar )

Even when showing affection and care, he’s doing those because he wants to and because there’s some sort of benefit for him.
He’s always treated Bum differently (from Day 1) because he is special but doing so, he always acts as if he’s doing Bum a favor, while in reality he’s doing it because there’s an advantage in it for him. He’s having fun and playing:

In brief, In his mind, he’s being nice to Bum, he might even think he’s in love. He’s giving him ‘gifts’ and ‘rewards’ because he wants him to cheer up, understand him or stop whining but his perception of ‘love’ and ‘care’ is very shallow and wrong and it will stay like that. Even if he ever tells Bum he loves him, it’s not the same love people talk about. It’s Sangwoo’s kind of love. Bum is special to him and he’s Sangwoo’s favorite toy! Sangwoo wants  him now but Yoonbum will be thrown away the moment he’s broken or useless.


2. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

“Love and feelings are nothing but weaknesses.”
You’ve probably heard that sentence or similar sentences to it from a lot of villains. The ones who are ambitious and want to take over the world. They believe feelings are unnecessary and make you weak.

We know Sangwoo is a victim of child abuse but we don’t know how bad the abuse was. Was there any sexual abuse involved? We also know he witnessed horrible events. The murder of his parents (whether it was himself who did it or his father). These sort of things usually lead to post traumatic stress disorder. Sometimes the victims use the ‘numbing’ method to be able to live on. This means they turn off their emotions and feelings to cope with the horrible past experiences. They might see feelings as weaknesses and we can see a lot of that in chapter 5:

“You know what? I hate guys like you the most. Guys that are too scared to die but are always complaining. Too absorbed with pitying themselves to do anything. Stop going on about how lonely you are. I hate that shit!”

In brief, while he can relate to Yoonbum, he hides his true feelings and thoughts in order to stay strong. He doesn’t show any emotions but he is capable of feeling them.

Now why this theory might be wrong? because people with PTSD, usually don’t even want to talk about/remember their past because it’s too painful for them but we saw Sangwoo talk about his past without any problem and he didn’t seem fazed at all. He didn’t even show any empathy when Bum spoke. So… back to number 1.


3. Borderline Personality Disorder

I’ve already wrote 2 long posts in February about Sangwoo’s BPD symptoms: PART 1, PART 2 so check those out if you haven’t yet.

While I think it’s a good theory, the thing about people with BPD is that their emotions are too intense. They feel TOO MUCH. No matter what the type is. At least we’ve seen Yoonbum switch between the feelings of love and hate quite a lot and even cry because the feelings hurt and he was confused… while Sangwoo’s feelings throughout the chapters is pretty much static. It goes from anger to frustration to boredom and etc (shallow emotions, so again, back to number 1!). We’ve only seen him in a rollercoaster of emotions once and that was when he thought Yoonbum ran away. However, that was a panic attack! Anxiety is what causes panic attacks. While fear and anxiety are interrelated, they’re not the same thing. He mostly felt hurt and betrayed, he was mostly angry. While I’ve talked about his fear of abandonment many times, that could also just be a panic attack triggered when he thought Yoonbum ‘betrayed/left/lied to’ him. It could also be a symptom of PTSD since he even had a vivid flashback.

But since these are not supposed to be on point, let’s not be very nitpicky. If he in fact has BPD, he’s already most likely in love with Yoonbum and he’d almost be destroyed if Yoonbum leaves him. (He might even consider killing himself or Yoonbum before that happens.)



So as a conclusion you can see why a lot of people might want to support the 3rd theory. Because Sangwoo will be vulnerable and in love with Yoonbum (and well, it’s more BL-ish :S). I’m not against that idea but personally I find the 1st theory more interesting and I think more facts and evidences lead to the 1st theory. He’s proven himself a psychopath over and over by showing no guilt/remorse, no empathy and no emotions and being impulsive and reckless is also a symptom of Antisocial Personality Disorder and not just BPD.

But in the end I suppose it depends on the author. Maybe Sangwoo will be the first psychopath to ever fall in love :p

All images belong to Lezhin. Artist/Author: Koogi

Business and Pleasure - Part 16

Summary:  Bucky AU. After a major deal falls through, your father’s business almost falls apart. In a desperate attempt to save his livelihood, he seeks the help of his oldest friend, George Barnes, who happens to be the CEO of one of the most influential businesses in New York. He agrees, but on one condition. You have to marry his son.

Word Count: 1,415

Warnings: Swearing, angst


Originally posted by campercooperpugfi


Once you had retreated to the bathroom, Steve heaved a large sigh, sinking into the cushions of the leather couch, covering his face with his hand and squeezing his eyes shut tight. How the hell did this happen? He had thought things were going well. He thought you and Bucky were finally on the same page. At least that’s how it seemed. You seemed so happy in the previous weeks, and now, it was like you were right back at the beginning.

Steve knew that he said he would call Bucky, but he didn’t know if he would even be able to contain his anger. There was a huge part of him that wanted to fly to wherever Bucky was and beat the living shit out of him. Steve didn’t like bullies, even if they happened to also be his friends. He wouldn’t tolerate this. He wouldn’t let Bucky just abandon you. He couldn’t. And if he couldn’t knock some sense into Bucky, well, then he would figure out where to go from there.

Keep reading

I saw so many “anti-noorhelm” posts lately that I just have to say something.

I have to remind you of all the good things about William (probably I forget about something, but you got the point)

  1. Yes, he was fuckboy. But he changed. For her. Because he wanted to be with her. At the end of s2 he was completely different person than before.
  2. Remember when Jonas and Chris P get into a fight? And what William said back then? That he would kill somebody who kissed his girlfriend. Because that’s who William is. He don’t want to feel and getting hurt. But when he cares he is loyal and lovely and amazing.
  3. He cares about his friends and this is very very important.
  4. He beat Yakuza guy, when this little shit called Iben per “Slut”
  5. He lost his sister for god sake! He’s family is a mess. He’s brother is psycho.
  6. He prepared blanket and cocoa for Noora
  7. He can play guitar
  8. He offered Noora his bed. He wanted to sleep on a sofa because he knew sleeping with him could be awkward for her
  9. He wanted to make her breakfast
  10. He was with his friends on a spring break but he still thought about Noora
  11. He told her about Jonas and Isabelle
  12. He missed her
  13. He was heartbroken when Noora said she doesn’t like him
  14. This smile when she kissed him? OMG I live for that smile! He was so happy she’s finally his.
  15. This whole scene in bed? They were fucking adorable and so happy and everyone who thinks different must be completely blind!
  16. He tried to protect her from his stupid psycho brother
  17. Noora told him about her family. And he supported her. And it was important.
  18. Okay, he was horny. But he’s a boy! Teenage boy! It’s normal. 
  19. He kept their relationship in secret, because Noora wanted it and he wanted to make her happy even when he thought she should tell Vilde about them.
  20. He challenged Noora. He made her see that there are always two side of the same coin. And that’s good. People need people. People learn from other people.
  21. He doesn’t gave up on her when she pushed him away after “bottle accident”
  22. He didn’t want to spend his russ buss time with friends, knowing that something is wrong with her; She was the most important thing for him
  23. When she had a panic attack he just hug her. He hold her until she calmed herself. He made her feel safe, loved and he just lay with her with his arms around her. 
  24. He didn’t check her facebook when he had an opportunity; he believed her and trusted her
  25. He wrote fucking amazing article for her
  26. He made her get out of bed and go to Eva’s.
  27. He loves her.
  28. He was going to come for her at any time when she was at Eva’s house
  29. He told her about his family; He opened himself for her
  30. He was angry but he still talked to her because he couldn’t leave without saying goodbye
  31. He was an asshole during this conversation because being rude was his shield for so many years. Yet he came back for Noora because he’s changed. He wanted to be a douche bag like he always was but he couldn’t. He’s not the same person. He needs Noora and want to be happy.
  32. He felt guilty for Nikolai’s behavior
  33. He confessed his guilt on police station
  34. He is totally adorable
  35. He doesn’t deserve so much hate

Often I hear opinion that because of William, Noora stopped being herself, independent and strong. Well bullshit! He didn’t changed her. She just showed her other face: very soft and broken. Seriously, she hasn’t had an easy life. Unloving, lonely, probably with eating disorder. And she wasn’t talk about it with anyone. She kept everything inside, pretending that she is okay. She never was. William didn’t changed her. He figured her out.
He showed her she doesn’t always has to be perfect, that she can break down and he’s not going to judge. That it’s okay to trust someone and that he loves her defects as much as everything else. He made her feel comfortable and loving and safe. 

And I can’t believe he could have another girl in London. 

And I hate Thomas that he left and ruined my Noorhelm.

And I am sorry for my English, but it’s not my native language.

I guess that’s all.

Anyone agree? 

Love Conquers All (On Sherlock Season 4)

I’m currently re-watching Season 4, simply just to indulge myself, and mainly because I personally loved it. I thought I was done expressing everything I have to say about the matter in this post, but there has been an unending sh*t-storm still looming over S4 that has gone beyond what I had expected. Not to mention that things I’ve seen on Twitter earlier regarding the so-called Norbury movement.

I am not dismissing the fact that this season had its flaws, but there’s a significant meaning to it all that some people are dismissing because they’ve been blinded by their own illusions that I would want to highlight. For someone who had cried over and mulled over these episodes more than the past 3 seasons, this season gave my love for existentialism a baseline that tugged at the heart – the very reason why I wanted to talk about it.

Originally posted by esterlocked

Just a brief explanation, existentialism is the belief that life has no meaning in general. To quote Moriarty, “Staying alive… So boring, isn’t it? It’s just… staying.” However, what I like about it is the idea that society or any other factor is not responsible for giving life it’s meaning – it is solely up to the individual to discover it on their own.

With that said, I think this is why this season resonated with me so much, and I find the chaos in some parts of the fandom frustrating, especially to the point that the writers are being attacked for this. So as usual, I have to say something about it. Because instead of writing articles for work, I’m thinking about Sherlock.

Anyway, I’m just gonna go ahead with my point.


The Six Thatchers : Horrors Of The Past

This may be my least favourite among the three, but the message of this episode is clearly simple: we all have horrors that will come and haunt us in the future – and how we face it all comes down to the path we choose. 

We live hundreds, and even thousands of roles throughout our lives. And we all have our past; things that we regret, hate, cringe at, miss, still believe in, etc. But whatever that past might be, what I got from TST is that you can never run from your past as it catches up to you, but it is one facet of your life does not completely define you.

Originally posted by akajustmerry

Death has been played with through the past seasons that it seemed all too mundane to us now, in terms of the context of the show. But S4 is here to correct this notion in Mary’s persona. With Mary saying that Mary Watson was the only life worth living, it showed that we get to choose which part of our lives we live out the most.

Same with John and his ‘cheating’. To be fair, I’m pissed at the fact that this was completely out of character. But when the series culminated, I understood why they have to do it. We saw what we wanted to see in these characters as they were presented to us – John was supposedly honourable, kind, and courageous, but what is this? Who is this new John? 

This is where I head to my next point. 


The Lying Detective : Being Alive And Human

This episode made me cry buckets, to be honest. And it is because this is all about changing what you know about these characters and seeing them all in a different light. 

Here we see a Sherlock not led by the mind but the heart, a John who was weak against temptation, a cheater, someone who looked jealous from having the spotlight all on the detective – it showed that no one is ultimately good and that someone’s facade is not who they entirely are. It shows that everyone has their ups and downs because that’s what humanity is about. It illustrated that everyone was capable of being angry, desperate, conceited, weak, lonely, alone, etc. It highlighted how these characters are broken – especially Sherlock – and how redemption can mean so much more to a person. 

We all have our flaws, our downfalls, our agonies; but who are we really, at our most vulnerable? And who are the people willing to believe in us even if we’ve shown them our true, and sometimes, faded colours?

Originally posted by halloawhatisthis

“Taking your own life. Interesting expression, taking it from who? Once it’s over, it’s not you who’ll miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everyone else. Your life is not your own, keep your hands off it.”

This is a plea. That shutting down and ending your life is and should never be the answer. This is one of the most beautiful pieces of dialogue I have ever heard, and it’s a very upfront message about warranting a value on your own life. And for people to threaten the writers of the show that they are the ones who caused the lives that are put in the line or the self-harm that will happen due to their distaste for TFP is devastating to me.

And yes, there have been people tweeting Mark and BBC that they are and will be responsible for these lives, which is just unfair.


The Final Problem : On Love And Redemption

I’ve seen people questioning why Benedict said ‘love conquers all’ in one interview before the season aired. There has also been statements that this season will be ‘groundbreaking’, which others failed to see why, leading to the claims that the showrunners are queerbaiting.

Now, every single show, every single actor, not just in Sherlock, but basically everywhere, is being put in the microscope because they need to identify with something, and that they need to represent a cause — which I get! I advocate for this! But, just when the world is being careful about mixing up their characters or when they are inserting a gay character just because now, society is demanding them to, Sherlock had already presented that years before (note that some TV shows only became more open to having gay characters around late 2014, early 2015-ish onwards because people are becoming more vocal about it as inspired by those bold enough to make a first move, e.g. Glee). 

Here, we have an openly gay character (which is still another topic of debate but I stand by it when I say Irene used the term gay loosely), had openly gay actors play brilliant and unstereotypical roles, and for God’s sake, Mark Gatiss is a gay man who is behind this brilliant show, and  that’s the very reason they passed it off as normal. They didn’t do it in a way that we always have to be reminded that the character is gay, that there has to be a sex scene just to prove that they’re gay… it’s just there – again, as one facet of the characters. Sex, as something that has been explicitly expressed in the show, isn’t the only thing that defines a character or their relationships with someone else, and I appreciated that. They had a story to tell – the story of these characters as a whole and not just one side of them. 

And personally, I did see why they made their claims as indicated by my chosen title. When this season ended, Sherlock who claimed to have never been attuned to his emotions, had his eyes open and had embraced that he was also human, flawed, and is capable to love IN ALL FORMS. 

Originally posted by fangirlhani

He learned to value his life because of what happened to Mary, he had admitted that he also succumbs to his impulses with Irene Adler (texting or beyond that, depends on what you want to believe), he fully realised that he would never ever want to hurt and make Molly feel like she’s being used by him because she’s his friend, he was able to extend a more human side of himself to John more than he did before, he finally understood and accepted Mycroft’s intentions and actions which I think mended their relationship significantly (this one hits me to the core so much), and lastly, he discovered that if he was left in the air in isolation, he might have ended up like Eurus, which is why he never wanted to make her feel alone again. 

To me, it is groundbreaking because it left that cliche of someone running off into the sunset in the end and it’s all butterflies and rainbows. They wrapped it up with the characters still broken, but living through it day by day because someone chose to love, accept, and help them heal despite their flaws. 

It is what it is, they keep on saying, because that’s how life is. It can be unbearable and it can most certainly be shit, but in the end, whether you ship Johnlock, Adlock, Sherlolly, Sheriarty, Mollstrade, Mystrade, etc., if we all let love – self-love, romantic love, familial love, platonic love – all kinds of love in our lives, it will help us conquer all, within and beyond this show. 

Mary, her boys and Destiel

My thoughts around Mary, what she has seen and her coping with her boys and their angel buddy. 

She’s gone from being a mother of 2 babies in a (happily? generally?) cupid-induced loving marriage, still fighting the supernatural on occasion to happily dead in heaven (which she remembers), to now being a (unneeded) mother to 2 grown men - who live with a supernatural being, in an underground bunker owned by her family’s ‘mythical opposition’ the men of letters and living the hunting life she was desperate to keep them away from. Yeah, tough.

- Resurrection : Dean convinces her of who he is by an emotional retelling of her life and how she met John.  Reminding us that when Mary and John first met they didn’t actually immediately like each other, she 'knocked him flat on his ass’. They did fall intensely in love although their relationship and family was marred by the supernatural and they sometimes fought passionately (she doesn’t know it was a Cupid of course)…. Aside - *ahem “couple who were 'forced to be’ v couple who embody free will” parallels*

Originally posted by castieledits

- Witnessing Dean and Cas being reunited when Cas believes he has died. Cas throwing himself at Dean, shouting then quietly murmuring his name into his neck. She, understandably, has a questioning look in her eyes. Then, um, ANGEL?!

Originally posted by mellofone

- Seeing Cas work tirelessly to find Sam. Seeing Dean completely trusting Cas to do this and also relying on him emotionally (overhearing their #married phone conversation about Dean not wanting to overwhelm her).

- Knowing that Cas lives in the bunker with them, but noting that he doesn’t sleep, emphasising his 'inhuman’ side.

- Seeing how completely Cas falls apart when Sam and Dean are imprisoned as he tries to find them and attempts to hunt alone (v how effective he was at finding just Sam, working with Dean, when she first met him). She blames him for their loss at first. Then upon seeing how completely he is broken, even counting the hours, she tries to support and help him in as much as she can, in her way. Upon realising how he is NOT coping she goes from her first instinct of blaming him for their loss in her role as their mother to actually consoling him.

Originally posted by angvlicmish

Mary is NOT a monster, she’s really struggling, she misses the people she loves and so buries herself in hunting to bury her emotions. Plus her automatic reaction to strong feelings of love, pain and guilt is to get angry… LIKE DEAN (very relevant for Cas’s death scene).

- Cas putting himself in danger to save her from Billie, he then gives an impassioned, muddled speech about how important you/you all is/are to him/everything… but predominantly throughout this is looking at Dean.
Sure he doesn’t want Mary to die, but this speech - this declaration is not really about them all being so important to everything, it can’t be, she’s not been around long enough and she hasn’t done anything to show Cas that she’s of any real importance. 

She wonders if he even really understands it himself, he looks so muddled and broken. Is it because he’s an angel? Do angels feel like humans? She’s confused and worried, she is already not sure of the new world she’s come back to, and now there’s a supernatural being in her and her boy’s life, it’s intense. And now this?!
She turns to Dean and sees the look of pain in his eyes as he realises how broken Cas is and how he has put himself in harms way for them. 

His jaw is clenched, his body language is closed off, guarded. She understands this is far more complex than she first imagined.

Originally posted by mishacolins

- After such an emotive night she heads out to clear her head, she can’t cope with being around them all, it’s too much. The next time she sees them all it is most definitely jarring. Sam and Dean are all business with her, there’s no sign of anything cosmic or anything in their actions to recall that emotional night. Dean partakes in some over the top posturing with the waitress on Cas’s behalf while calling Cas 'devastatingly handsome’ while Cas seems oblivious, or is that actually a scowl on his face? She’s now even more confused. Does Dean not realise or is this something else entirely? Has she misread Cas? She doesn’t know any other angels so it could be that she’s misunderstood. He is a little awkward and supernatural after all…. but the boys want him around and he obviously cares for them so she should just get them all to get on with the hunt.

- Cas is dying and it’s her fault. He wants the Winchesters to leave him as to save themselves. He tells Sam and Dean that his best moments have been with them which makes her wonder just how old he is and what he has seen. He says the things they’ve shared and done have changed him. She knows this is important but not exactly how, it’s deeply emotional though and it reminds her of how little she actually knows of their time together and her boys that this angel, this supernatural being could have been affected so much by them.
She turns and sees Sam, then Dean’s faces and how they both are pained by Cas’s dying words. Somehow though she can see not just sadness in Dean’s eyes but also regret and self loathing. He blames himself. She knows because it’s what she sees in the mirror. She is reminded again how Dean is so like her.

- Cas looking up at them all, calling them all his family, nodding at her to include her which just makes her feel awful for her part in having led to this, his death and all their pain. She doesn’t really deserve this, to be a part of their family.

- Cas then immediately looking down, not catching anyone’s eye as he says 'I love you’. 

Originally posted by jensen-jay

Cas looking up at Sam as he tells him that he loves them all, meaning him, specifically TOO, then finally the long lingering, revealing look at Dean as he can’t avoid him any longer. She knows now, she understands. 

She looks at Dean and sees so much of herself in him. She wonders if he understands too or if his self-loathing prevents his comprehension that he can be loved like this. She’s not known him very long as an adult but she knows this much about him and that saddens her deeply, it also contributes to her own self-loathing in an ironic twist. And if he does understand Cas’s words, does he reciprocate? Her and Dean, they work with actions, not words and she sees his actions now, how he’s holding back. She understands. But it doesn’t matter now anyway, 

Cas is dying and it’s her fault. She could be the cause of the breaking of her little boy’s heart and he doesn’t even know it. But still in the back of her mind, is this not maybe for the best? How can you love something not…human?

- Sam and Dean fighting for Cas, refusing to leave him, emphasising that he is family, seeing the understanding and love in Cas’s eyes as they do so. Dean had even been arguing with and insulting both the KING OF HELL and RAMIEL as he was so worried for Cas. Mary is terrified of Ramiel, another yellow eyed demon and she has seen this. 

Now, as he is dying, Sam’s consoling words while Dean can’t watch, he looks down like he might even be praying. Or perhaps he just can’t watch Cas’s last moments.

Originally posted by godshipsit

Originally posted by foodiestiel

- But he lives, no thanks to Mary.

- “Let’s go home”….


No wonder she can’t stay around them, with the confusion over their supernatural 'friend’ plus now the guilt (she’s still in the old hunter mindset of kill anything inhuman, she doesn’t have 12 years worth of Winchester Gospel storyline to teach her the grey areas like our boys have and they’ve only recently learned it fully re: Benny, Amy).

Originally posted by shixpe

And yes she’s made it a hell of a lot worse by now also betraying Sam with the BMOL, when he was the one who really still trusted her.

So yeah, in her struggle to find herself she’s ‘abandoned’ BOTH Sam and Dean and now she’s narratively: 

1. betrayed Sam through her work with the BMOL.

2. betrayed Dean…. by endangering Cas. 

So I think that speaks volumes.

Now for her redemption arc as she’s already admitted to working with the BMoL and is clearly conflicted about nearly losing Cas, let’s get some more wake up calls :)

depression + the art to stopping my downward spiral.

“the type of depression that affected me completely conflicted with the type of depression tv conditioned me to believe. depression didn’t involve me sleeping all day, unwashed in soiled pajamas. i wasn’t unproductive or in a perpetual emotional trance of sadness. most times, i wasn’t even suicidal. but, it was the programmed societal view of what depression looked like that left me overlooked and my emotional distress nullified for years. i was invalidated because the signs that fit the societal norm did not fit my personal norm. when i dealt with depression i was a fully-functional woman who was fully capable of having long spans of happiness. i got up every morning to go to work, i hung out with close friends, and still managed to enjoy the pleasurable moments in life occasionally. i just also experienced more-than-frequent emotions of sadness, restlessness, hopelessness, emptiness, lifelessness, and anger. it wasn’t until my counselor confirmed what i was feeling that gave me hope. for the first time it was real to someone other than me.

with my (renounced) depression came lack of self-compassion, self-understanding, and self-appreciation. i didn’t thank myself as much as i blamed myself. i found a system to change that. the place where i could be no more at peace emotionally and mentally, i considered my one hundred percent. whenever i was caught in a downward emotional spiral, i acknowledged it, stopped everything and gave myself a moment to assess myself on a scale of zero to one hundred. no matter where i placed, i thanked myself for being there— whether it was a twenty-two, eight, or negative six because it could’ve been less. it can always be less. i knew i was doing the best i could and that was commendable. everyone desires to be acknowledged for their efforts, even me.

most days no one, or nothing, was around to lift my spirits. i had to learn how to perform acts of self-love and speak life into myself on my own. i familiarized myself with becoming my own hero. it took years of practice, but learning to encourage and love myself was worth it. for one, because i deserved it. that was the only reason i needed. i made up in my mind to discontinue any reliance on outside factors to find peace. as long as my circumstances determined my mood, my circumstances controlled me. i began to watch my transformation. i could cease my obsessive-compulsive thoughts and pull myself out the spiral without too much thought being invested. when anxiety triggered, i noticed how i would look around the room and find five things to describe in complete detail to bring me back into this moment: the quantity & sizes of bumps in the leather of the arm chair, the air i breathed and if i felt it most in my nose or my chest, the fleece blanket that brushed against my fingertips. i used my carnal senses to bring me out of mind and into the present, even if temporarily. i practiced how long i could stay like that— present. it didn’t last long at first; it took a lifetime to come to, and lasted about five minutes. but today, it took me five minutes to bring myself out of my own decline. the best part is now i can stay out. there was a shift i couldn’t identify at the time— stillness was becoming my default. i also noticed i changed how i viewed depression. i stopped claiming depression as “my depression” in conversations. it was now just something i was learning to cope with when i felt it. for the first time, it didn’t belong to me anymore.

i kept a pocket gratitude journal with me that i wrote in throughout the day. i would start off writing ten things i was grateful for, and jotted down moments during the day that made me happy. i used it as a reminder of the good in my life when i felt there wasn’t any. i also kept a negative thought journal. i would take notes on the situation, the emotions i experienced, and the triggers (or moments) that led to my slump. this allowed me to see my own provocations in writing, and create a program on how to avoid or counteract it. i enforced a lifestyle of taking things a day at a time. i only bothered with the stress of today. every day will have its problems which meant i did not have room to use today’s bandwidth on what already happened, and what might happen. i focused my creative energy that i wasted imagining every possible tumultuous scenario into finding solutions. if i could fix it, there was no need to stress. if i couldn’t fix it, i let it go. from now on, i only focused on things could control. i kept a worry window in my daily schedule which was about thirty minutes that i gave to myself to sit down and worry about the problems i wrote down that day, and that day only. instead of resisting my thoughts, i allowed them. when i switched my worry window time from the beginning of the day to the end of the day, something magical happened. i rarely needed to use it anymore. nine times out of ten, whatever i was wrote down to worry about had taken care of itself by that evening.  i could no longer justify my happy ending, and i began embrace it.

just because others found my problems to be insignificant, did not mean they were insignificant to me. if i’m the only one dealing with it, then it didn’t matter how big or small they thought my storm was. me dealing with it was all the validation i needed. that was the last day anyone made me feel bad, broken, delusional, insane, or like damaged goods for seeking and investing in my healing.

i used every part of me to work on my behalf, even my anger. it was my anger is what kept me from complete and total hopelessness. i saw the little fight left in me. i saw that i was willing to fight for me. releasing anger was what lifted my vibration. i channeled my anger so that it made a beneficial difference. i had to determine if the goal of releasing my anger was to show that i was angry, or if the goal was to use it for motivation. anger was all i had to get through the day, so i used it. anger incited my change which proved it useful. i channeled it through my work, exercise, writing, painting, etc. anger is an e-motion, or energy in motion, and is meant to be used. anger is a transitive e-motion and it’s purpose is to be a vessel to transport one elsewhere, vibrationally. anger is not a resting place. i learned anger did not need to be manifested into aggressive to expel it.

through therapy, i began to realize i was always capable of coping. i had everything i needed to assist & expedite my healing. there were days when i didn’t believe in myself and there were days that i did, but i reminded myself who i was irregardless to how i felt about me. i needed to be consistent and dedicated to myself even when i was unwilling to cooperate on a deeper level. i gave my permission to be imperfect and began to feel comfortable in my own skin again…

there is this false narrative out there that enlightened, spiritual people just float over adversity and struggles effortlessly. it’s not true. everyone will have to “fight” to keep their equilibrium. just because it’s mine didn’t mean i wouldn’t ever have to fight for it. it’s a decision i make every morning . it was the moment when i had to reaffirm my priorities— peace over everything. peace is easy to attain, but difficult to maintain… at least at first. i gave myself room to fall into the spiral without judgment, and i was there to catch myself.”

once you find your peace of mind, problems won’t disappear; they will always be there. the difference is your tolerance and resistance— it strengthens. lastly, you are not alone. you are loved, and you are heard. this is your confirmation. it’s not just you, but the best version of you in the moment that we need. don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. i hope this helps. as always, i love you.

Love Makes Her Stronger: Thoughts on Daisy Johnson and Quakerider

So I’ve been thinking (okay, obsessing) a lot about Quakerider since that finale, mostly kicking myself for not shipping them during the first half of season four. And judging by the reactions to this post, I’m not the only one who was surprised to find themselves suddenly all in for Daisy and Robbie. Now, when I say I was surprised, I don’t mean that in a bad way. I was surprised to see all these cute, blatantly shippy moments between the two of them in the finale because, back in the Ghostrider arc, any romantic moments they may have shared were much more subtle. And for any other ship, this might have felt rushed or forced, but with Daisy and Robbie, it didn’t feel that way at all because they’ve been through so many heavy, intense situations with each other already. When I say I was surprised, I mean that I was surprised that I never shipped them earlier, because, after watching them interact in the finale, it’s so obvious how great they are together, how good they are for each other. 

When we look back at Daisy’s previous two relationships, it becomes even more clear that Quakerider is a very natural progression that matches Daisy’s evolution as a character. I don’t think Daisy could have become who she was without Ward or Lincoln, and I don’t think Quakerider could have happened without Skyeward and Static Quake setting the stage. And even though they’re separated again by the end of the season, I think it’s open-ended enough that it feels more like see you later instead of goodbye. 

But before I get deeper into it, I want to look at how we got here, so let’s take a trip down memory lane and take a look back at Skyeward and Static Quake, shall we? Quakeriders, it’s gonna get wordy but I promise the payoff is worth it. 

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Fic rec series: Down to Agincourt

Okay, so I am about to rec you a fic that is actually an entire book series, Down to Agincourt. The word count is massive, I will not lie to you. Currently, word count is over one million.

Don’t freak, okay. Take it out of fic context and put it into book context: the Harry Potter series is longer than this fic series- thus far. The most recent one has chaps 22/25 posted.

Still. Harry Potter. Song of Fire and Ice. The Dark Tower. Wheel of Time (coming in at a whopping 3.3M).

Okay. We good? I’m not reccing you a fic, I’m reccing you a book series. Don’t balk.

You good? You calm? You gonna hear me out? Good.

NO! Don’t leave. You will sit yourself right there and you will fucking listen before you balk and panic over word count. I repeat: Book. Series.

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

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I think I finally figured out why I love Mon-El so much

I’m going to start out with saying that Mon-El is nowhere close to being perfect. He has his flaws and he has his past (which I hope we get to find out more about in the next few episodes). I can see he has low self-worth. He is ashamed of things from his past. All of that resonates with me deeply. What I love though is that we get to see this person start from the bottom and work his way up. He doesn’t want to be a hero at first, he was in complete self preservation mode. He has his setbacks and he falls down. But he always moves forward again. I get to see this person grow and learn and become stronger emotionally and mentally and see him rise to becoming a hero. I see that it is possible to rise above your past. And that gives me hope. It tells me that I too can rise to become something amazing.

As a survivor of sexual and emotional abuse (from a very young age), I was in complete self preservation mode for years. My brain literally could not handle the trauma, so it blocked out those memories. For years I didn’t remember until something triggered my memories and then when I remembered, I denied it. I felt shame and guilt because I did nothing to stop it. To this day I panic at the thought of being put in another situation like that because I just froze each time I was assaulted and did nothing. Does that mean I will always become immobile if I feel threatened? I don’t know. But it took another FIVE years to finally admit that something terrible happened to me and another two to come forward about it. Now I’m seeking help and I’m making progress. But it’s slow and I have my own set backs. I fall and feel ashamed for not being stronger.

As I said, seeing Mon-El struggle is just inspiring because it’s so human and real. It’s a damn hard fight when you’re fighting against yourself. The internal struggle is very real and the truth is that it does take time to get something. Being told once to change won’t make someone automatically change. It can take years to get rid of negative traits and sometimes it will always be a fight. But Mon-El shows that it is possible to learn and adapt. It is possible to become better.

I’ve said this before, I think Mon-El’s relationship with his parents gives a strong vibe of emotional abuse. No one should say that they would run from their parents. To have that fear says so much. I have that fear of my stepfather. I’ve witnessed him be physically abusive toward my mother. I’ve witnessed him get so angry that he has almost hit me on several occasions. I know that fear. Now, they may not be, but that is the vibe I get and Mon-El’s line alone should raise red flags about his parents. I hope the show expounds on that because it’s something so real. The show already touches on deep topics and for them to touch on that would not only resonate with so many, but bring light to a very big issue not many shows (at least that I watch) touch on.

Mon-El shows that even with a bad past, that does not determine your future. You get to decide where you go. His journey to becoming a superhero is inspiring. He didn’t have good role models growing up (the formative years were those things are essential) and he was surrounded by things he didn’t agree with. Now, though, he has someone (Kara and team Supergirl/DEO) that is telling him he can be an amazing person. He can be a hero. He just needs to believe in himself. The first step in my own recovery was believing I could recover. And the emotional toll that took on me was literally breathtaking. It’s staggering to finally see that maybe what everyone else is saying about me is true, maybe I can be someone. Maybe my past demons can be silenced. That is the story that I see and that I love.

Which is why I think it hurts me so much when people can’t just open their eyes and look at him as an actual person (yes, even though he is fictional) and see that what’s on the surface is just that. I look like a stone cold bitch on the surface that’s brusque with people and probably has the worst attitude. While in actuality, I’m anxiety ridden and afraid of the world and everyone in it but has the deepest yearning to help others in need and puts everyone else before myself. We haven’t gotten any deep emotional scenes from Mon-El, not like with all the other characters in the show (ie. Kara, Alex, J'onn, Winn, and even Maggie). We don’t get to hear what he’s feeling. We only see fleeting moments of his internal battle. He has never broken down over anything he has been through. People judge him off of his external self when the real person that matters hasn’t really been shown that much. When he has shown it, it’s always when no one is looking or paying attention.

This post got away from me, sorry. I just needed to say this. Mon-El’s story is one that shows even the most unlikeliest of people can become a hero. Even with the worst background, you can rise above it and become better. Be better. Your past does not dictate your future. His story is something I have never seen in comics (at least the ones I’ve read). Especially in the Superman verse. Both Clark and Kara had amazing role models that built them up. Mon-El didn’t have that. But we get to see him show us that that doesn’t matter. You can teach an old dog new tricks. It just takes time and patience.

That is the story I love. That is why I love Mon-El. He isn’t perfect and I don’t want him to be. I can relate to him. I can see myself in him. Which means if he can become a superhero then I, too, can do amazing things.

Your Hair is Stupid

Klance Fanfiction

2926 Words

Completed Oneshot 

Fluff! With a lil angst cause I couldn’t help myself. 

Summary: “After years of living alone in the desert, this is the most beautiful thing he’s seen. Then Lance is racing over the dark sand, grains of it flying up behind him. He turns around and waves, motioning for the others to join him. Never mind what he said earlier, this is the most beautiful thing Keith has ever seen.” (Alternatively a beach getting together fic with a lil bit of hurt/comfort)

[Note: whenever there is a ‘—’ the fic switches between what character it focuses on.]

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Sabine & her Mandalorian Heritage

Some thoughts on Sabine and her relation to her Mandalorian heritage:

I recall a couple years ago now when Sabine’s character was first announced and the initial backlash against her design occurred. Though the community that would complain about her armor/color choices/girliness/general “lack” of Mandalorian-ness/whatever-else-they-complain-about has largely diminished, I wanted to address the lingering negativity surrounding her character design and her being a Mandalorian, and why I think that way of thinking represents a very simple-minded understanding of her nuanced and very intentional representation, and how at the base of it, they are actually onto something when they try to say she isn’t a “real” Mandalorian. They just don’t know what.

Now, I’m a long-time Mandalorian fan. I’ve been into them since before The Clone Wars ever aired, when it was just Jango and Boba, and then when Karen Traviss’s novels began to expand on their culture and make it into what most people now associate them with. I’ve been part of the custom Mando costume community for like 8 years. I was there for the changes The Clone Wars brought, was angered by them like the next Mando fan, and later came to an understanding of how it all fits together. So I guess what I’m saying is, I am very invested in Mandalorians, in the tradition sense, and in their growing role in the new Star Wars canon.

With that established, I will staunchly defend Sabine’s characterization and her rightful designation as a Mandalorian.

Mandalorians are traditionally typecast as stoic, ruthless, pragmatic warriors. They’re rough, nomadic, disinterested in traditional beauty, and insular. Comparatively, Sabine has her quirks. She’s artsy, pink, interested in vanity (colors/styles her hair), loyal to a group outside of the Mandalorians (the Rebellion), her armor seems incomplete/mismatched/loudly painted/not Mandalorian in style, and she has a teenager’s attitude. People love to complain about it.

Now surprisingly, I will argue that, yes, they are correct: Sabine is these things. BUT, she is supposed to be. These characteristics conflict with traditional Mandalorians intentionally. And they make her a great character and absolutely still a Mandalorian, albeit one lost in an Imperial-controlled galaxy.

One need only understand where Sabine came from to suddenly understand why her quirks make sense, and why they exist: Sabine grew up on an Imperial Mandalore, where she was forced to attend the Imperial Academy. Being she was a  toddler when the Empire was born, one can assume that this means that every living memory Sabine has was from Imperial-occupied Mandalore. Though she is from Mandalore and her mother was a Mandalorian, Sabine was disallowed from growing up with her Mandalorian heritage untainted by Imperial influence. When Sabine finally fled the academy, she was for the first time ever in her life allowed to pursue her culture as she saw fit. Sabine is having to learn about her Mandalorian heritage as a Mandalorian who was displaced in the galaxy. She recognizes her culture, knows it when she sees it, but being forced to grow up as an Imperial, she’s had to learn it as something of an “outsider.” She is desperately trying to preserve a culture she  wasn’t fully able to even experience growing up in, hence her unique interpretations of what it is to be a Mandalorian, like the colorful, mismatched armor and the over-expression.

Now, I think this is extremely intentional: like much of Star Wars, it mirrors real-world social issues. Consider Native Americans who were ripped from their traditional cultures and forced to attend boarding schools, their young descendants who now struggle to hold on to their history, as their language is stolen from them and they try to keep alive traditions that they were never allowed to live or embody, but now must interpret from what is left. This is what Sabine is facing. She is trying to be the best Mandalorian she can be given the information she is able to lovingly scrounge from record, a history that was stolen from ever being second-nature to her. She is also a young, angry, talented, capable, expressive teenager. Her interpretation of what it is to be Mandalorian is bound to be new. It is bound to be different. And it is absolutely legitimate.

Originally posted by hotsam1

The show even acknowledges that the Mandalorians are split into disagreeing factions on how best to live their warrior heritage; every Mandalorian Sabine meets is initially or continually hostile toward her. They’re critical of her lifestyle and her claim to her heritage. Her parentage and loyalty are constantly questioned, her alliance with the Rebels is belittled, and she frequently has to defend her ways from Mandalorians and her Rebel allies alike.

Originally posted by meldy-arts

When Sabine encounters the Darksaber, there are undercurrents of a revelation. She KNOWS this is important. She just isn’t positive WHY yet, because she still only understands her heritage from a historical context. Where people once complained about Sabine’s sparse armor plating, her armor plate load-out now expands/fills in as the show progresses. She is still growing as a Mandalorian, learning what it means to her and for her, slowly piecing together her identity. Sabine is clearly the inheritor of the Mandalorian people; her taking the Darksaber will mean something important to come. She will play a pivotal role in the future of the Mandalorians. In a broken galaxy, where Mandalorians were already ripping themselves apart due to infighting (Death Watch vs. Pacifists, Protectors vs. Imperial Mandos), Sabine will be a leveler. She will be a critical part of what eventually rebuilds the culture, as sometimes only youth can be.

Originally posted by meldy-arts

So, Sabine is what she is. She is not a traditional Mandalorian, and that can be aggravating for someone wanting a very pure representation of a strict mold. But anyone who hates or dislikes a character for properly representing their intended role is silly, especially when the show literally addresses their concerns as the major growth arc for her character. Nobody should hate Tarkin because he is a ruthless, cunning man. They should love him for filling his role so perfectly. Sabine, in the same sense, is supposed to grate against the traditional sense of what a Mandalorian is. The galaxy is in turmoil. No one is allowed to be who they are meant to be. This is what the Rebellion is fighting for.

And by the way, Sabine IS a perfect example of a nomadic, adoptive, tough, combat-capable, merciless, jack-of-all-trades, family-oriented, child-warrior, mercenary Mandalorian with custom armor and a middle finger for authority. AND she wears pink. So there’s your Mandalorian for you.

/Writes essays deconstructing Star Wars characters for fun

Toy Story AU!!!!

So Jack is an action figure of real life hockey player Jack Zimmermann, his kid is a girl that’s a massive fan of The Falconers.

Jack isn’t Jenny’s favourite toy, but it’s not a bad life. He gets played with often and every time there’s a game he’ll be pulled from his special shelf to watch it with her. He once got to go to a hockey camp for a whole summer. It was awesome.

When she’s not around, he spends most of his time perfecting the shots and replaying the stuff he saw real him do.

The rest of the toys don’t like him much, first because he’s obsessed with hockey, and second, it’s weird that he is based on a real person. Jack isn’t considered a ‘real toy’ by the others.

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I’ve only just realized how well Dramione could have worked as a couple (or almost couple), so I jotted down how I feel their relationship could have gone, from meeting until the end of the war. Maybe I’ll do beyond that later. I’m not a writer- it’s probably obvious and for that I’m sorry. 

Year one: Hermione and Draco meet in Ollivander’s. She’s adorable and nervous and excited when her wand sends sparks. She asks a lot of questions and he answers them all. He doesn’t know she’s muggleborn until the very end of their first conversation and then he wonders to himself if this is one of the “filthy Mudbloods” his father warned him about.

Draco takes an immediate dislike to Harry after being rejected in their first conversation. He secretly gets upset when Hermione is sorted into Gryffindor. For the rest of the year they don’t speak, but he sneaks looks at her and catches her eye from time to time. Sometimes she even gives him a smile.

Year two: Draco’s father spends the summer “educating” him about the purity of magical blood. Draco doesn’t really stop to consider if any of it could be true, but his father has a tendency to anger quickly and Draco craves his father’s pride, so he doesn’t question it. At a Quidditch practice, Hermione gives Draco a smile from the stands and he’s so surprised and happy that he beams back. But his Quidditch mates see him, so he spends his year overcompensating by throwing Hermione to the wolves. It breaks his heart a little every time. When she’s found petrified, he doesn’t sleep for a while. He can hardly eat. He catches her eye after she’s back, but she barely offers him a glance in return, and he knows he deserves it.

 

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Darker Sentence Meme

“A cleaved head no longer plots.”
“A conversation of silence, lies left unspoken.”
“A dying man needs to die as a sleepy man needs to sleep.”
“A lot of truth is said in jest.”
“A lot of you cared. Just not enough.”
“Afraid to love you hide away.”
“Although I search myself it’s always someone else I see.”
“Although we are through, I’m longing for you.”
“Am I invisible? Am I soundless? Or am I just alone?”
“And they didn’t even put up a fight.”
“And they didn’t even put up a fight, they didn’t even make a sound.”
“Anxious, you laughed. Sad, you smiled.”
“Are you proud of who I am?”
”At least I’m being honest.”
”But I’ve got better things to do than let you walk all over me.”
“’Cause I’m not convinced I’m worth your time.”
”Can still remember the time you were here.”
”Can you see me? Can you hear me? Or am I not here?”
“Can’t believe what I did for love.”
”Can’t you forgive me? At least just temporarily.”
“Can’t you hear me calling? Can’t you see me falling? I’m lost without you here.”
“Constantly lying to myself just to get through the day.”
”Death has been crooning in my ear things I want to hear.”
“Don’t bother to cry, no one will hear you.”
“Don’t go where I can’t follow!”
“Don’t you try to fix what’s broken, no one else can take your place.”
“Ending it will just pass on the pain, I know, but I’m selfish enough to just want it gone.”
”Feel like a failure, ‘cause I know that I failed you.”
“Feel like a shadow walking behind who you think I am.”
”Give me one good reason to love you, for I can’t think of any.”
“Go ahead and leave me – I never needed you anyway!”
“Guess there’s a part of me that likes to bring you down just to keep you around.”
“Heartburn. Reminding me I fucked up.”
“How did I miss you when I didn’t know you?”
“How do you love someone without getting hurt?”
“How do you warn the people you love that you may not come back?”
“I am just so angry with myself.”
“I chose the easy way out.”
“I could be long gone. I could be a ghost in your eardrum.”
”I don’t care if you’ve got them on your mind, all I really care is if you wake up in my arms.”
”I don’t deserve it, I know.”
“I don’t hate you, I fear you.”
”I feel broken and hollow.”
”I got nothing here without you.”
“I just want to not be me.”
“I killed myself by leaving you.”
”I know I should’ve fought it.”
”I know I should’ve fought it, at least I’m being honest.”
”I know that this is my fault.”
”I know you wouldn’t even notice.”
”I made a mess of me.”
”I should’ve been more careful.”
”I still don’t miss you yet.”
”I swear, I’ll make it worth it.”
“I thought I could imagine how much it would hurt, but I was wrong.”
“I told you to leave me… Don’t.”
“I trusted you not to go.”
”I was a liar, I gave into the fire.”
“I wish I could remember.”
“I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.”
“I would never die for you.”
“I’d like for it all to stop now. Please.”
”I’m a walking heartache.”
“I’m a work in progress and I’m not so sure I’ll like the end result.”
“I’m not enough for you.”
“I’m not fine as in fine, but fine as in you don’t have to worry about me.”
“I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing.”
”I’ve been a fool – a fool for you.”
“I’ve hurt myself by hurting you.”
“If you care to look around then you’ll see me going down.”
“If not for me then you’d be dead.”
“If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy, I could’ve won.”
“It doesn’t do a damn thing to fix anything.”
“It’s a long way down, but here I am.”
“It’s just not meant to be.”
“Leave your mark on love before love leaves you.”
“Let me hang in peace.”
“Life’s greatest gift is the freedom it leaves you to step out of it whenever you choose.”
“Losing hope is the real disaster.”
“Love? Great? That’s bullshit, love hurts.”
“Memory is a curse more often than a blessing.”
”No more lies if you don’t wanna find me gone.”
“Now everything I see reminds me of all that is said and done.”
“Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.”
“Of all the things I’ve had and all the things I’ve lost I miss you the most.”
“On my own I’m only half of what I could be.”
”One last time I need to be the one to take you home.”
”One more time. I promise, after that I’ll let you go.”
“Our souls contain more scar tissue than life.”
“Pain is a pesky part of being human.”
“People are different – it’s not always a good thing.”
“Promising to stay you slowly walked away.”
”Return us to when you know how to love.”
”Said you’d change but I’m afraid it’s something I won’t live to see.”
“Save your time for someone deserving of it.”
“Silent tears invisible to the naked eye, but still they drown you.”
“So sick of believing the lies and trying to hide, covering the cuts and bruises.”
“Some days I feel broken inside.”
“Some people make me want to throw up.”
“Somebody tell me why I’m on my own if there’s a soulmate for everyone.”
“Soon I will be just another memory.”
“Stay with me a minute, I swear I’ll make it worth it.”
“Stop caring– I don’t deserve it.”
”Stories are all we’ll ever have.”
“Surrounded by pale people, think I’m fading too.”
“Tell me you love me, say you care. Lie straight to my face.”
“That constant judgement you can’t avoid.”
“The marks humans leave are too often scars.”
”The person I’ve been lately isn’t who I want to be.”
“The world is full enough of hurts and mischances without wars to multiply them.”
“There are some things you never really move on from.”
“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
“There is no relationship in life beyond betrayal.”
“There’s more here than what we’re seeing.”
”These scars are reminders of just how much I can take.”
“They didn’t even make a sound.”
“They say bad things happens for a reason.”
”This morning I woke up hating us both.”
“Trying to save myself from choking, just wish that I could see your face.”
“Used to think you didn’t love me, now I know you don’t.”
“What am I still doing here?”
“What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?”
”What I wouldn’t give for peace.”
”What, like it matters? Since when?”
“What is left without your love?”
“We cannot tear out a single page of our life, but we can throw the whole book in the fire.”
“We learn so little from peace.”
“We were great once. Where did that go?”
“What hope I have left flickers like a candle about to go out.”
“When you sleep, will it be with me?”
“Why am I still living this dark and hurtful life?”
“Why do I bother?”
“Why do I let you hurt me so?”
“Why do I love you?”
”You break your promises in two, what can I do?”
“You call it a simple mistake, but to me it’s not simple at all.”
“You deserved better.”
“You don’t care about me like I do you.”
“You leave me and I’ll leave you.”
“You remind me of things I’d rather forget.”
“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.”
”You’ll always be love’s great martyr.”
“You’ve got an excuse. What’s mine?”
“Your life is worth more than mine.”
“Your pain is my happy ending.”

The DEH teens and the five theories of deviance

Of course I don’t think this was intended, but it’s something I was thinking about today. Each of the five teenagers in DEH seem to fit into the five different theories of deviance- the reactions a person will have when a deviant act is committed.

1. Conformity- Jared. Throughout the show, Jared constantly tells Evan that he is only a “family friend” and he tries to blow off Connor Project things by saying “I said I was going to hang out with my real friends” or things along those lines. He also tells Evan “just nod and agree. Don’t make shit up!” when Evan reveals he’s lied to the Murphys about his relationship with Connor, and even goes right along with the plan to fake emails. Jared tends to be the funnyman who is also somewhat representative of all of the other students who think Connor is crazy and while they have no reason to really hate Evan (in the beginning, at least) they also don’t have any reason to go out of their way to talk to them. While he doesn’t seem to be pinned to the “typical conformist” archetype, when an act of deviance is committed (i.e. Connor’s suicide, Evan faking the emails, the truth getting out) Jared goes right along with Evan’s plan and when things don’t work out, he molds himself right back into the world of the other students. Jared tends to follow conformity whether it be to the rest of the student body or to Evan’s plans.

2. Retraction - Connor. The most obvious example of this is obviously his suicide. While it’s not stated whether or not Connor’s suicide was intended or accidental, in the idea that it was, Connor was dealing with his broken family life and his depleted relationship with his sister. He also deals with the entire school believing he’s crazy and not having any friends. Due to all of this buildup, Connor escapes, or retreats, by using drugs. The drugs are a sort of release from the everyday terrors Connor faces, unfortunately, when Connor is high he is irritable and abusive to his family and others and it only drags his life further down into the hole he’s trying to release himself from temporarily. This goes on for a while until Connor finds Evan’s letter and sees Zoe’s name in it. While Connor was mean when we see him alive, he’s also super high, and it’s also known that Connor has a super protective instinct over his sister, and seeing this letter from someone who didn’t even know her may have been the last thing Connor needed to end his life and retreat for good. Evan’s letter (the deviant act) is responded to with suicide (the retraction).

3. Innovation - Evan. When Cynthia and Larry think that Evan’s letter to himself was actually written by Connor, and Evan doesn’t have the heart to tell them it wasn’t, he starts the first of a long fabrication about this friendship he had with Connor. In For Forever, he simulates the day in which he and Connor go to the old orchard where Evan falls out a tree and breaks his arm and Connor is there for him. Sincerely, Me is about Evan and Jared creating fake email exchanges between Evan and Connor to show the Murphys and prove they were actually friends. In If I Could Tell Her, Evan tells Zoe all the things he loves about her, but passes them off as if Connor said them and never got a chance to tell her. He even goes so far to create a social media movement during Disappear, ‘The Connor Project’, dedicated to 'keeping Connor’s memory alive and that everyone should matter’. All of these things, however, all stem from a letter that Evan wrote to himself and Connor found- during one of the two’s only interactions, the other one in which Connor pushed Evan to the ground. Evan doesn’t know how to say no to people or tell the hard truth, so he continues to create a world of lies for the Murphys to hide under while dealing with Connor’s death- Evan doesn’t necessarily represent positive innovation, but it’s definitely innovation.

4. Ritualism - Alana. Alana is the super smart girl who is always ambitious to start new projects and learn new things, obsessed with getting new things to add to her resume. Alana is a perfectionist, and she barely refers to anyone as “friends” only “acquaintances”. When Connor dies and Evan starts the Connor Project, Alana jumps at another opportunity, especially one that can prevent anymore kids who feel invisible from killing themselves. Alana does multiple extracurricular activities and devotes almost all her time to them, and she spends every day doing so many of these similar things. When she realizes that everything Evan’s done is a scam, she flips, and promptly goes back to the life she knew before, the extra activities she did and the acquaintances she had, falling back into her old routine.

5. Rebellion - Zoe. When someone loses a sibling, the expected response is to be sad or depressed or angry, especially when they’re a teen and it’s to suicide. Zoe is all of these things, but for all wildly different reasons. When Connor dies, he and Zoe had a fractured relationship that would have taken a while to fix had either of them tried or wanted to. Connor’s suicide leaves Zoe sad that she never knew her brother better, but she’s mainly angry. At his suicide note. The letter that Zoe thinks is Connor’s suicide note says that there were a lot of underlying circumstances to Connor’s situation, a lot of mental health issues and personal struggles, and it angers Zoe because in her entire teenage life, all of Connor’s “issues” were taken out on her and she believed it to be just him being a genuinely terrible person, and this letter is trying to change her entire perspective of him, like it has to everyone else, yet Zoe refuses to believe it. Zoe starts to soften up when Evan tells her all the things Connor loved about her (which are actually things Evan himself loved about her) but by “Only Us” has let Evan into her life but still wants to leave Connor out of it, saying that their relationship didn’t need to revolve around Connor or his death. In “Requiem”, Zoe says “after all you put me through/don’t say it wasn’t true/that you are not the monster that I knew” saying that she refuses to believe that Connor was anything less than abusive, like he was to her, thus rebelling against the normal reaction.

When a deviant act is committed (Connor’s suicide, Evan’s plan, the Connor Project formation), you react by going along with it (conformity/Jared), getting away from it (retraction/Connor), making something new of it (innovation/Evan), continuing your everyday life (ritualism/Alana), or breaking the status quo and not following the new order (rebellion/Zoe).

Troublesome//01

Rap Monster/Kim Namjoon x Reader

Word Count:6.347

Warnings: Swearing

A/N:Yes, the Tiffany is Tiffany from Girls Generation lol. She seemed perfect for this role especially in the future. Jimin is Jimin Park from 15&. I don’t think I’ve written anything as long as this chapter yet so I’m pretty proud:D (p.s. Namjoon is kind of a jerk in this series)

The gif doesn’t belong to me. Credit to the owner:)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

“You are dismissed.” your professor said, waving your class off.4

You got up and walked to the door, leaving others to do as they pleased before leaving. You made your way to the cafeteria, hoping to see Tiffany there. You found her, greeted her with a hug, and left the building in search of a good lunch. You found yourselves talking about everything, you were best friends after all. You found a way to make a conversation out of the smallest, most insignificant details. You finally arrived at a café that Tiffany suggested.

“The cutest guys visit here.” she squealed before walking in.

“And I care because?” you scoffed.

“Because you haven’t gone out with one like, ever.”

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DJ! Otabek Masterlist

Mischievous Friends LiviKate

The skaters play Never Have I Ever at Leo’s birthday party and learn what a bad boy quiet Otabek is. Or in which Bad Boy DJ Otabek is Yuri Plisetsky’s aestheti

Not your usual love story - arcsinx

Baranovskaya’s new face, Yuri Plisetsky (22), who shot in Venice for Vogue’s last edition, was seen accompanied by Otabek Altin (25) as they left a coffeeshop in St Petersburg yesterday. The DJ and voted 2017’s hottest musician, Altin was in the city to compose for Victor Nikiforov’s (30) new movie production. The couple met at the Paris Fashion Week after-party(image) and have been appointed to be secretly dating ever since. An intimate friend claims Altin to be completely besotted with the Russian beauty, having even gifted him a $35,000 diamond collar necklace! For more photos of Plisetsky’s front cover shoot for Vogue, click here For more articles on Altin’s new collabs with popstars, click here.

Let the Record Drop - BoxWineConfessions

“Okay,” Otabek walks back over to the daybed, and kneels beside Yuri. Carefully, Otabek combs Yuri’s hair back and away from his ears. “No one’s ever gotten a private show before.” His voice wavers as he talks. Like he thought it sounded cool and second guessed himself while he spoke. Otabek opts to interrupt himself, and kiss Yuri instead. It’s not like their previous touches. It’s thick and stifling, and Yuri’s painfully aware that he’s very naked, and Otabek is very not. “I hope you like it,” Otabek breathes against his ear. It makes Yuri shiver, and arch up into the other man. Otabek slips the headphones over Yuri’s ears.

hold my drink - vivevoce

“How do you feel about going to a club next weekend,” Otabek asks. Yuri can already tell that this is something important, by how casually he says it. Either Otabek’s gotten more transparent over the years or living together has finally made Yuri an expert on reading him. “Alright,” Yuri agrees and watches Otabek slump in relief. “Who’s playing at the venue?” Otabek hands him the flyer, and Yuri barely has time to read the top before Otabek answers, “Me.” Yuri grins.

Diary of a DJ - Phayte

DJ Beka is working at a goth club, when a certain green eyed goth catches his eye. Your usual DJ Altin fic and what he gets up to in the club as he DJs. Chapter One is Yuri, Chapter Two will be JJ.

Be The One - Hana

It doesn’t take a genius to tell you that love isn’t easy. Especially when you live in a world that is more concerned on how many likes they get on their selfie, than talking to the person across from them. Times have changed, and so has the dating world. Most people no longer met naturally,things like tinder and match do all the hard stuff for us. You would think this is a far better option, considering you get more variety in potential though those apps give you so many opportunities to meet people;where did the natural romance go?
Yuri Plisetsky has been heart broken for 2 years and feels like he can’t find love. Now bitter and angry at everyone nothing seems to make him “happy” except his cat and a radio show called The Nightly Bear. But when Yuri finally takes the advice from his favorite talk show host, and finally goes on a date things don’t go well. What happens when Yuri is placed in a situation where he cussed out the person who he was suppose to go on a date on prior to it happening? And what happens when the person he went on a date with turns out to be his new boss?

we just need a human touch - aphhun

What happens on a tour stop in Almaty will stay in Almaty. Well — probably. “Give me your phone,” was the next thing out of his mouth, and Yuri found himself near squinting at the other. “What?” “Your phone. I’m going to give you my number,” persisted the DJ, and if Yuri had been more devoted to getting drunk earlier on in the evening, he knew that he would have handed it over without a second thought or a question. Sober Yuri, however, was more rational and undoubtedly skeptical. “You literally don’t even know my name.“

Unsteady otayuri_oh_nice

Otabek was going to kill JJ. He was going to take the next flight to Canada, hunt him down and kick his ass.
Leo: I tried to stop him but he went and did it anyway, I’m sorry! (link)                   - Or: JJ uploads one of Otabek’s remixes of Yuri’s songs to YouTube and Otabek freaks out. - Or: what happens when you take episode 1, replace figure skaters with musicians and exchange Victuuri for Otayuri. Aka another strange AU no one asked for.

i got electric eyes (and i can get you high) phylocalist

There’s a huge roar, almost as deafening as the music, when the person points at the DJ behind the turntable. Yuri can’t help but look around, bewildered. Is this the reason all these people keep talking about this club? Just for this one person? A DJ? or: Yuri Plisetsky loves clubbing. A new club is apparently all the rage, so he checks it out. He ends up finding a lot more than he bargained for.

Walk Through The Fire HerNameIsAlice

Otabek moves to Russia for a few months to visit Yuri and practice his new pair skating program. But things take a turn when Mila develops an interest in him, as well as rumors surrounding the personal lives of Otabek and his skating partner, and Yuri becomes concerned for his friend’s future as a skater. But Otabek’s feelings for Yuri go beyond a simple friendship.

Beautiful Dangerous otayuri_oh_nice

When JJ asked Otabek to come along to the club he worked at a few times a week, Otabek wasn’t sure what to make of it, even more when he realized that it was a Burlesque Club. The last thing Otabek expected to see was a beautiful dancer named Kitten. AKA the Burlesque AU no one asked for.

Gods and Monsters - otayuri_oh_nice

After moving to New York City everything was supposed to be on the road to fucking amazing, but when Leo scores Otabek a DJing gig at a club downtown, Yuri finds himself having a little too much fun, which in true Plisetsky fashion ends in a disaster.

Divine peachys

Take me to Divine’s
Some time in the 90’s.

All Of My Firsts - Whisks_on_ice

Otabek admired Yuri from a distance Yuri didn’t even know he existed The tale of a blossoming romance, a wilting romance, moving on and coming back, like ocean waves. Alternatively, Otabek and Yuri have a rocky relationship

Weak legs stand still - MadamRed

And then Yuri’s brain short-circuited because Otabek was removing his jacket. If Yuri had been sitting down, he would’ve fallen off his seat for sure. But no. He was standing in a spot where everyone in the club would’ve seen him if he were to faint right now. Otabek had already been ready to go when he told Yuri to change his outfit. And Yuri, still somewhat innocent twenty-four-year-old Yuri, had just assumed that his boyfriend was wearing one of his trademark plain, black shirts underneath the leather jacket. Oh, how deliciously wrong he  had been.

Quiet Hours - henriqua

”We have to be quiet though, it’s late,” he says, and Yuri rolls his eyes. He swears Otabek is the only person in the world who spares a thought to the quality of his neighbors’ sleep no matter what he’s up to himself. ”Me, loud? Never,” Yuri says, dramatically faking an offended face.

Not your usual fantasy - arcsinx

Yuri’s first impression of Almaty is that it’s way hotter than St Petersburg. Otabek doesn’t seem to be bothered much with that information when Yuri lets him know about it while fanning himself with a leaflet from their air company. He doesn’t seem to be bothered either when Yuri lets him do all the work and gather their baggage from the carousel. Yuri’s leopard print stroller bag stands out like a flash of neon amidst the others, but he was of the mind that since he was moving to another country while four months pregnant under his mate and his family’s insistence he had the right to do whatever the fuck he wanted.

Unexpected (Part 6)

You and Yoongi finally talk to each other about that night that caused everything to fall apart.

Warning: smut, angst, dirty talking, grinding, intercourse

Parts: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8 (final)  8.5 (bonus)

Your arm was going numb from where Yoongi had fallen asleep on it, but you didn’t want to move for fear that you would wake him and the dream would end.  You had spent the earlier part of the day nursing a hangover and a broken heart – remnants from the night at the club.  You spent most of your waking hours thinking about how Yoongi had followed you into that alley and how he had tried to take you away from that Mingyu guy.  Weeks of not hearing a single word from him and the first time you see Yoongi, he acts like a jealous lover.  You weren’t sure how to feel about that.  You had tried to tamp down any hopes that this meant Yoongi still had feelings for you.  You had learned the hard way that he was not forthcoming with his emotions and it was best to not try to read too much into his actions.  Still, you had lingering hopes…

Later that night, when you heard a drunken Yoongi at your door, screaming obscenities at you from the hallway, your heart started to swell.  You had dreamed of a day when he would come crawling to you and begging you to take him back, but having Yoongi banging his fist against your door while cursing your name seemed like an acceptable alternative.  Even hatred is a sign of passion, you thought, and much better than being ignored.

Your roommate, Hyejin, had tried to stop you from opening the door to him.  She argued that you deserved better than a man who ignores you for weeks and then shows up drunk and yelling insults at you.  She said that the only reason Yoongi was here was because his pride was hurt when he lost the fight outside the nightclub.  You knew she was probably right, but you couldn’t help but wonder if maybe there was more to it.  At the very least, you wanted an opportunity to hear what Yoongi had to say.

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Fortune Teller (Poly!Hamilton Squad x Reader)

Word Count:2,477
Au: Modern / Post High school
Triggers: SMUT, cursing, Alexander Hamilton
Authors Note: I’m sorry but finals have been kicking my ass and this story was dragging forever. Ps. I have never had sex with more than one person so not quite sure what it looks like with 5.
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You couldn’t believe it. You can’t fucking believe it. Y/N L/N was going to see a fortune teller. You had joined the ranks of the exact people you made fun of throughout all of high school. You weren’t quite sure why this was something you had to do, but I guess it is your time to do so. At least.. now that Peggy was practically pushing you towards the awkward tent set up in the park. Fortune Tellers. What a load of shit. How could somebody tell your future out of some “magical orb”? You were a psychology major at Kings College and had just learned aviut hiw the brain tricks you into believing “magic” to be real.


“Peggy, do I have too?”you complained. “Of course. I’m going to go first then you will ok?” she replied. You had to admit, for her being the forgotten daughter, she was the most persuasive and most fun to be around. She entered the tent, smiling at you and asking you to wait outside. 2 hours later she slid out of the tent, giggling and blushing.


As you whisper to her, “How was it?” She answered you in giggles and pushed you in. The woman inside was older and was dress in a metallic emerald dress and accessorized in silver. You sat nervously in the chair provided and waited. The woman looked at you, no.. not looked through you. She was looking for something inside of you. She reached for your hands. In a misty voice, “My dear you have been looking for a man to help you feel complete. Correct? Well if you look into my crystal ball you would see that I predict 4 men who will fall in love with you.” You look at her like she is a total lunatic. “Are you serious? I have spent the last 7 years trying to talk to someone to try and start a relationship and I get shot down faster than the Titanic!” you start to get angry with the lady. She shot you a look of understanding. “Sweetheart. I know. But you can’t understand without looking through my crystal ball.”


“If you say so?” You lean forward and gaze into the crystal ball. The milky white seemed to take over your senses. You were frozen, unable to move your arms or legs, only thing capable of moving were your eyes. Out of the mist, you saw a familiar face of an old friend from elementary school. “Is that John Laurens? Hey lady your crystal ball is broken, I know this guy, and hate to be that girl, but there is only one guy here.” Her face swelled in the mist and seemed to seethe with anger, “Just wait girl, you only just started.” The face was wiped out of your view and Laurens slid into the top left corner of your view. Then a new face appeared before you. He was painting flowers on a canvas, then your name is etched into the petals of an elaborate rose. At the bottom of his canvas with such a grace he signed it as Lafayette. His image was swept into the top right as soon as the next figure cane into focus. A man with medium build and a scarf around his forehead was slaving over a mannequin and was making the most beautiful dress you had ever seen. The fabric glimmered like a sapphire in the candle light. He took a step back as a man called out his name, Hercules. Another man entered the field, he was smaller than Hercules,but had a face burned with determination that haunted your heart. Hercules hugged the smaller man, kissed his forehead and said, “Why does it seem like your later every night Alexander?” Alex sighed and just laid into Hercules’ arms. The other two boys merged into this image bringing Lafayette and John into the hug.


The milky void released its hold on you and the woman behind the ball smiles at you. “Go for them, dear. They are waiting.” You run away from the tent and realized it was dark. You checked your phone and noticed it was 11:30 at night and started panicking because Peggy had left without you. You reach for your phone and call John.


“John, I need your help. I’m alone in the park and I’m afraid. Can you please come and pick me up?” you beg. Several voices were heard on the other side of the phone. “Please John?” “I will be there ain’t 8 minutes Y/N.” You stuck your phone into your pocket and hold back your tears.  


8 minutes. Why did 8 minutes seem to drag on for what felt like an eternity? Why did you stay outside in the dark? You heard voices and started panicking, but still waited for John to save you like he always seemed to. Ever since elementary school when he said that he’d prove that you were important to him. Lucky for you John took being your white knight very personally and was there in 5 minutes. He ran across the lawn and you threw yourself into his arms and kissed him as fiercely as your body would allow. “Y/N..wait.” John kissed into your lips as he started to push you away. “John. I know everything. The others and you and.. me… we belong with each other. That crazy lady in the tent just showed me everything.” John smiled and almost cried, “I’ve been waiting for you to say that since high school.” He carried you bridal style to his pick up truck. The same car he had used to drive you to school everyday of high school. He sits you in the passenger seat and travels around the car to take a seat in front of the wheel.


You tell him your story and he blushes at the idea of him even being seen in your vision. “When we get to the apartment, let me go first. We have to make this easier on you. 4 guys. Its intense. So I can understand if you want anyone in bed with you, or bot. You can, but we need make sure we don’t force you towards 4 guys in one bed all at first.” John suggests. You nod in response and he squeezes your thigh. You smile at him the same way you have since you met him, but somehow it seems different.

You finally got to the apartment and he asks you to wait outside while he explains the situation to the others. You sit on the floor against the wall and start to panic on whether or not they will accept what have you seen. Then a door opens and a single figure slips through. A slender man with a tight bun on the top of this head. Lafayette.


“Bonjour mi petite ange. Are you ok?” he whispered in a heavy French accent. You weren’t quite sure how to respond so you just nodded your head, completely unaware of the tears that crawled off of your face. His hands reached to either side of your face to wipe the tears away and kissed your forehead. The other 3 boys came outside and watched as Lafayette kissed your forehead delicately.


The boys ushered you inside. Hercules had pulled out a really big tshirt and some boxers for you to put on. He seemed really upset that he couldn’t make you something, but time was the current enemy. Alexander and John had made some hot chocolate for you. And Lafayette had gotten you a cozy blanket to hang out in. “Thank you so much. I’m sorry for putting everyone on the spot like this.” The guys all nodded their heads giving you words of reassurement.


Weeks past and all of the boys had accepted you into the apartment and you officially moved in. The boys made a chart for who got to share the bed with you and who would sleep in the extra rooms. “Guys, isn’t this a little silly?” you would scold. “Y/N we want you to be comfortable and slowly accept all of us.” Alex would continually tell you. “If you say so.” You would always whisper. So first night of the chart was Alexander.


The two of you laid cuddling on the bed watching some cheesy movie about singing cats. You would hold in a snicker whenever Alex would start singing. He would shoot you with his caramel eyes whenever you’d start giggling. “Y/N it’s not very ladylike for you to be laughing at me.” He’d groan. “Oh yeah? What do you know about ladylike?” you sit with your chest against his knees. His senses overwhelm him and causes him to lose all control of his body. You move into his lap seeing an opportunity and started playing with his hair and clinging to his chest. “Oh you poor baby.” You would sigh in an almost mocking tone. “Y/N whatever you are doing, you need to stop, because the others will find ou-” he stops abruptly as you start sucking on his neck innocently. He pushes you away gently and you get a view of the hickeys you have placed on him. “Y/N, whatever you are doing is going to get me in trouble with the other guys.” Alex looked at you with dazed interest. “But Alex…. The chart says I get to choose when.” You whine. “Fine, but you asked for this.” he smirked. You tilt you head in confusion and his mouth latches onto your neck and shoulder. His hands start to roam aimlessly around your body before pinning you down underneath him. “Are you sure you want me to do anything?” he asks quizzically hovering over you. You nod your head, trying not to break contact with his eyes. After coaxing your torso out of your shirt, he lowers a couple of inches and lays with his head on your chest for a minute. He takes your breast into his mouth and starts to suck expertly. You start to moan he stops to put your shirt into your mouth. “We can’t have them hear us, Y/N.” Alex growls. He traces his finger along the length of your body and pulled your waist close to his. You could feel his massiveness against your stomach and gulped. He pushed into you and smiled deviously. “What? Do you want more?” he whispered into your ear.  You shimmy out of your pj pants and wrapped your legs around him. Still fully clothed, he began massaging your vagina with his palm and worked you into a point of being wet. Once he decided you were the right level he stopped and switched out of his clothes. He went back on top of you and slid right into you. He froze in pure bliss and kissed you. “Y/N, Y/N, Jesus Christ.” Your hips start to rock into his and push him further into you. Finally getting the message he slams into you as fast as he can. You whisper, “I’m about to..” He slams into you one last time and you ride the orgasm together.


Just as you two finished, the other three walked in. None of them really noticing what happen, were all saying things like, “We heard slamming”, “Are you two alright?” and other things before realizing that the two of you had sex.


Lafayette, Hercules and John all instinctively stripped down to nothing and crawled into bed with you and Alex. “No no no it’s my night with Y/N back the fuck up!” Alex growled. Laurens sat behind Alex started nibbling his shoulders causing Alex to surrender. Lafayette picks up and pulls you into his lap. He starts to suck on your collarbone and massaging your ass. Hercules sits behind you and moves your hair so that he could bite your shoulder. You tilt your head onto Lafayette’s and enjoy the pleasure these two men were giving you. Hercules pulled you back onto his dick and slammed into your vagina. You moan and lean forward to heighten the pleasure. Lafayette and John switched places and John had taken position in front of you. He was kneeling on the bed with his massiveness erect in front of your lips. You waited a beat and took a deep breath, looking at him with your best begging face. His voice let out his drawl and he whispered, “Well darlin, show me what you can do with that pretty little mouth.” You pull him into your mouth and start sucking furiously. You were sucking the tip as hard as you could before he started thrusting into your mouth. He couldn’t hold back anymore. John seemed to be hellbent on fucking your mouth properly, and wasn’t going to stop until he had finished. Hercules pulled out of you and join Alex and Lafayette who were naked messes and cuddling. John pulled out of your mouth and takes your chin in his hand pulling you up. “Where would you like me to finish, darlin?” he whispered his voice husky and smooth like Jack Daniels. You laid on your back and smiled at him. He took this as a sign and slid his dick into you and slowly as he could. Once he was all the way in, he slowly started rocking his hips against yours, and biting your earlobes. He whispers quietly enough that the boys don’t hear him, “Y/N, I have wanted this since we started middle school. I have always wanted just you Y/N, you have always been the goal.” You wrap you arms around his neck and pull him closer to you. He works his way into you harder and faster with every thrust. Your moans turn into screams that echo through the apartment. You released first and John being sure to finish inside of you with one last thrust slammed into and released inside of you.


The five of you laid in bed cuddling for 20 minutes just enjoying each other’s company. You sat on John’s lap with Alex’s head resting on your thigh. Hercules with his arm around John’s shoulder and Lafayette laying on his lap. Everything seemed perfect for those peaceful twenty minutes. Then Alex refueled his ego and started lecturing, “Wait a second guys it’s my night with Y/N so everyone needs to get out. We were watching an awesome movie and having a good time before you all barged in. I don’t do this to you on your night. Why did you decide all of a sudden that it was fair to do this to me? C'mon guys I have waited long and hard for tonight. Please just go. Gilbert, stop don’t give me those eyes. Stop it. Get on out.”