it says batman

Why you should try not to take anything Batman says too personally…

Batman: I can’t afford any more delays and you’re one of those superpowered beings that cause delays. Sometimes it’s a good thing. There’s a whole group of heroes. They’re “delay heroes”.

Superman: You mean… You mean you don’t like me? *pouts*

Batman: No, of course I like you. It’s because I like you that I don’t want to be with you. It’s a complicated emotion.

i like to imagine that clark kent’s search history is mostly normal but then there’s stuff like “improved superman costume concept art” because he wanted ideas

“but if we can’t blame either batman or jason todd for the death of robin, who CAN we blame??”

AU where the Justice League forms like usual, except Batman maintained his “totally a myth” status and has in fact been active for years before the JL forms. He’s very cautious about trusting them, but still joins, and the others sort of accepts that as long as they trust that Batman has a really hard time with trust, it will all work out in its own weird way

Then, one day, in the middle of a JL mission, the League gets in a tight spot. Out of nowhere, this blue and black blur swoops in and saves everyone’s ass. Maybe breaking some shackles that were proving very difficult, maybe disarm a bomb that the League was just a hair’s breadth too slow to reach without help, but whatever happens, the shadowy figure pauses just long enough to say, “Hey, Batman, you know you there are these things called cellphones now and you can just call sometimes, it doesn’t have to be this dramatic?” and bounds away after shouting ‘let’s do brunch! Bring your new friends!’

Batman is mortified.

No one lets it go.

The entire rest of the mission, the whole League is asking so many questions. Who was that? Do you know him? How do you know him? What’s going on? I didn’t know there was a vigilante in this area?? They don’t let up until he talks.

“That was Nightwing.” Batman is mumbling. The JL forces him to bring them to the Brunch. Brunch happens to be in a run-down apartment on the edge of a bad neighborhood, at five in the morning, in costume. Nightwing introduces himself as Batman’s lovechild with justice.

“I did not realize Batman had a child,” Martian Manhunter says, calmly enough that no one’s sure if he’s accidentally plucking a really loud thought out of the air or if he’s trying to make a joke.

Nightwing stares for a moment falling over laughing. He doesn’t get up. Batman starts trying to apply anti-Joker venom but Nightwing just kicks him and laughs until he cries. He keeps trying to wipe his eyes and his mask keeps getting in the way, so he asks everyone to leave so he can please get a hold of himself

He is still laughing when they leave. Everyone is confused. Batman is furious.  Nightwing manages to breathe long enough to say, “We’re just so glad you’re socializing now, Batman.”

Superman turns to look at Batman very slowly. “…’we’?”

Keep reading

Bruce Wayne is a total Batman fanboy. He has a made to life replica of his favorite Batmobile in his garage and a room set off to the side with all the Batman memorabilia he’s collected over the years. He’s known for spending crazy amounts of money at auctions for Batman stuff and orders his own versions of everything.

No one even bats an eye when he puts in a huge order for batarangs. And he’s so happy about it because when he’d first started out as Batman getting supplies had been the worst part of the job. He’d had a million hoops he had to go through to keep his secret identity a secret. 

He’d thought he’d hated it when people became Batman obsessed, but after he got caught with a Batarang in his pocket at a charity event he decided to go with the fanboy persona. And it worked. 

His children think it’s hilarious and buy him all kinds of weird Batman merchandise. Like the crappily painted Batman figures shipped from China, Batman soap, the plastic masks every store sells, and their personal favorite the pajamas that say “My Batcave is my happy place”

what if it seems like batman has safehouses all over the country because he’s a paranoid maniac always ready to go into hiding in iowa, but actually he just goes on a lot of business trips for his day job and when he sees a cute house he buys it and stays there. he grew up in a big mansion with a butler, a house with only three rooms is like camping for him. he thinks it’s fun. he gets to play house and eat cereal for dinner. the flash accidentally committed some light treason and needs to lay low for a while so batman sets him up at this little place in maine. flash is like “wow he really does plan for everything” but no, he just saw an old queen anne with green shingle siding and white accents and he couldn’t help himself. it had a wraparound porch and a spire. a spire. technically it wasn’t in his carefully alloted ‘whims’ budget but he sold an extra yacht to make room. “geeze bats i get that it’s a safehouse but couldn’t you have stocked the pantry with something besides kix and peanut butter?” flash asks. “they’re shelf stable,” batman says, as if that is why he bought those things, as if this is not just What He Does when alfred leaves him unsupervised.

“Hey Bats, do you know what’s black, white and blue?
Penguin’s face when I kick him in the balls!”

Batman rarely smiles or snorts, but there are those rare times when he and Joker are waiting for a police car to arrive and take Joker to Arkham and the clown decides to tell some jokes