it probably isn't as funny as i think it is

  • Neil : please reach friendship level five before unlocking Tragic Backstory™
  • Andrew : *walks in door*

anonymous asked:

I heard if you put an egg in your butt the heat is enough to cook it, that true?

You know, I never thought about it…

It’s one of those Mythbusters things, probably, people may think it’s true but we don’t really know until we try it. Although, I’d like to know why you asked me when it’s probably a quick google search away, why am I of all people–

ok haha very funny


Me too, Spider-Man. Me too.

In a distant land, men glide over a frozen, motionless lake etched with strange markings and even stranger advertisements. They wear odd, glass-fronted hats and knives on their feet. Two men, even odder, throw themselves in the way of a small round rubber brick in a way that should be fluid and graceful but is frequently neither. One man is trapped in a glass cage, unable to free himself until the clock or his life ticks down, whichever ends first.

And now, the weather.

so now isn’t really the time to explain my mum and her weird quasi-religious-middle-class-hippie ideas, so just take it from me that this is a normal thing to be brought up in my family.

my mum was talking about car park angels which apparently help you find a parking space. amusing in itself from my point of view but then i was imagining the angels from supernatural in those high-vis jackets over their suits standing around in car parks telling people where to park and oH GOd dYING OF LAUGHTER I CAN’T BREATH

I hate when I tell people why I’m vegan and they’re all like “yeah they treat the animals bad but I still love meat lolz” like do you hear yourself?? what you’re telling me is that you KNOW it’s wrong but you don’t care because at least YOU benefit. I don’t find comments like this funny at all in fact I will probably lose trust for you and think you’re just a selfish prick with an underdeveloped conscience

The Signs As People I Know
  • Aries: coolest person I've ever met, pretends to be awkward and relatable, somehow met all the famous people and their moms
  • Taurus: think they're cool, very funny, seem innocent but kinky as hell, passionate about their favorite fictional character
  • Gemini: can be mean, sometimes very fake, will cancel plans and forget to tell you, very pretty, seems to never think that they're pretty despite everyone telling them all the time
  • Cancer: very supportive, need lots of support in return, very talented, names Pokemon and pets meaningful names, LOUD, lovable af
  • Leo: make you laugh, have good hair, paranoid, hates conflict but loves to watch conflict unfold,
  • Virgo: best people ever, clever, makes you laugh hard, knows more about you than you do, not afraid to put you in your place
  • Libra: great at prioritizing what's most important to them, make great breakfast, if you are sad they WILL force you to come hang out with their dog and buy your favorite flavor of ice cream
  • Scorpio: baddest bitch, makes you laugh hard, great music taste, smarter than you, wants you to know that they're smarter than you
  • Saggitarius: very artsy, mysterious and neighborly?, very intimidating, you will want to be their friend,
  • Capricorn: still says they hate everything, exclusively makes funny faces for photos, can't hold a conversation sometimes, will spam you with memes,
  • Aquarius: pretends to be cool but everyone knows they're a nerd, loud, will be mean to you but in a very nice way, anime trash,
  • Pisces: will make you buy them food, very popular and doesn't know it, breaks promises because they forgot probably,
I Know...

… That I’m probably not the first one to mention this but I think it’s funny tat in season 1 Stefan told Elena he always wanted to be a doctor and in the season 4 flashback it’s revealed he was a paramedic during the war and in season 6 Elena’s life ambition is to be a doctor.