“Visible darkness” is a part of my “Blue” trilogy. The title’s inspired by Derek Jarman’s “Blue is darkness made visible”, which also implies the fear of losing sight I had twice before. Blue as glimmers converging into rivers through time, exists largely in this series of photographs mostly taken at night, and still carries the well-known metaphors of melancholy and freedom.
I chose those situations with uncertainties, which are easily connected to fantasy space, The sea may lead directly to the starry sky, and the sky might fall apart instantly. Some small elements from modern art were added to several images according to logics of dream. The way they were put seems untimely, but the moon today also shone on ancient people, while even the moon and stars we see at this moment are not how they look like now neither. Now isn’t simply now. Those lights that were doomed not to arrive, bring some brightness and secret pleasure to current darkness.
Follow the Source Link for image sources and more information.
One way to get an abuser and toxic people, all emotional vultures to leave you, to lose interest in you, to stop stalking you, is to be BORING.
- Become as boring as you can be
Dull. Tedious. Abusers love drama. They get excited when they make people suffer. They love to be the center of attention. They want your undivided attention. They love to control. To control you, to control every single second of your life, to control every single aspect of your life.
- Become boring It’s a better idea than to just leave. When you leave, they might become so enraged at losing control, they can hurt you. They have no feelings. The only “feelings” they have are the pleasure they get of hurting, torturing, humiliating, making you suffer, and reducing you to become a zero.
- Torturing you gives them pleasure. Having control over you makes them breathe. They crave all the attention they can get. By letting them decide to leave you, you’ll be free for life. When you become boring, but so boring, and bored, when you show no emotion, they start to look for their next victim somewhere else. Eventually they’ll be the one to leave you.
- They can’t stand boredom They need a victim they can manipulate. A victim they can torture. A victim they can control. They love to see their victim falling apart. They love to control any emotion you might have.
- Let them think it’s you This has nothing to do with them, throw them off guard. Your reactions, your emotions, your torture, your fears are their oxygen. Cut their oxygen supply. Hide your emotions for a while. With time they’ll lose interest in you, and they decide to leave you.
- For those who can’t get away from their tormentor after they’re no longer together. For those who share custody of a child or children, continue to be tedious when they see you. Be dull as dishwater. Flat as a pancake. They can’t stand that.
- They move on to their next victim to suck their life out, to crush their joys, to manipulate and abuse. Remember, they must have control. Each time you meet, you must remember to be boring. You don’t want to arouse their interest in you again.
- They are the ones who can decide to leave, not you. Don’t even cry when they decide to leave. Show absolutely no emotion when they decide to leave, or they’ll stay and tear you apart. They will leave when they get bored. Just give them a hand. By being BORING.
With the CS wedding coming up, I think it’s a good time to talk about the divorce. Because the truth is there’s no version of reality in which this particular marriage doesn’t fall apart. OUAT might be off the air before we see it, but that doesn’t alter the fact that it’s inevitable. Want to know why I’m so sure? Good! Because I made a list…
1. They have literally nothing in common. I mean, I guess they both had shitty childhoods, but by that logic Emma ought to be marrying Archie. Or, you know, Regina.
2. I mean seriously, what do Emma and Hook even talk about? There’s a reason whenever we see them on their own they’re making out. Because they must spend the rest of the time in slightly awkward silence.
3. Emma’s a modern woman - she’s kind of forgotten it at the moment, but she’ll remember soon. And Hook is very much not a modern man. He asked her father for permission to marry her BEFORE HE EVEN SPOKE TO HER ABOUT IT. I know how I’d react if my partner ever had the nerve to do that to me.
4. They’re unbelievably bad at figuring out what the other one is really feeling.
That’s why they’re so good at keeping terrible secrets from each other.
5. Speaking of which: they keep terrible secrets from each other. Pretty much all the time.
6. Hook has no real friends of his own, no job of his own, no life of his own outside Emma. That’s *incredibly* unhealthy for a relationship.
7. Emma is her worst self when she’s with him: selfish, self-absorbed and frequently miserable. ‘Marry a man who brings out the worst in you’ is a phrase that literally no one has ever said ever.
8. Emma doesn’t love Hook for who he is - she just likes the image of the dashing, handsome pirate who lets her play-act her perfect heterosexual marriage. She’s not going to deal well with him aging, or with the day-to-day revelation of his flaws that marriage brings. We saw that in the Wishworld, where all she could feel for old, drunken Hook was a contemptuous sort of amusement.
9. Actually I’m not sure Emma even really knows who Hook is. Every time he tries to talk to her about his past, she shuts him down. There must be a part of her that senses she couldn’t deal with - or love - the man he truly is.
10. Emma’s a lesbian. It’s something she’s obviously struggling to acknowledge, but then again she’s still younger than I was when I realised I’m gay, so she’s got plenty of time.
11. Also, she’s desperately in love with Regina. And you can only ignore the elephant in the room for so long, especially when you and the elephant are co-parenting a son.
I love Boku no Hero academia and I was reading manga again 4th time when I realized something.
TODOROKI AND DABI CAN BE BROTHERS!!! here’s how:
His Dad mentioned his older brothers and how Todoroki is better then his brothers because Todoroki has both ice and Fire Quirks and his one brother could have fire and one could have ice power so basically his brother’s are ‘useless’ to father.
I think Todoroki is mad with his father because his father never pay’s attention to other sons and only care about Todoroki surpassing ALL Might and that’s what cause his family to fall apart and Dabi to leave his home and join Villain Alliance.
Look how when Dabi met Shigaraki he never told him his real name because he don’t want Villians to know that He is son of Endeavor. He probably burned his skin so he won’t show any resemblance.
ANd PROBABLY THat’s the way artist draw or IT’S BOTH BROTHER’S WAY OF DOING CURVY HAND WHEN THEY USE FIRE QUIRK!!!??
AND in here when they met Todoroki looks confused and scared but Dabi looks excited to see his little brother and Dabi even KNows Todoroki’s full name
AGAIn it’s just a theory I made and I think they are related as brothers.
We’ll find out about rest while reading new chapters
If Adrienette happens soon, they might have to “fall apart” to keep some romantic tension while the show keeps going. They might live happily ever after but if they need to spice things up with some ironic soap opera noise… I hope there’s no identity reveal until every corner of the love square becomes canon.
I hope Adrienette becomes canon, I hope they break up, I hope they get back together as Ladynoir, I hope they break up, I hope they rebound as Marichat or Ladrien, and then I hope they find out they’ve just been dating each other the whole time.
Well, perhaps I don’t hope it happens but I think it would be a hysterical way to frusterate the fandom as long as possible.
A/N: I’m so sorry this literally took me over half a year to write! Hopefully the length makes up for how much time I took to write it, haha. Social anxiety and low self esteem are both topics that hit pretty close to home, so I was really grateful for the opportunity to write this. This was also my first ever request, so I’m very excited about it! Thank you so much for your patience! I hope this is what you had in mind :)
Beep! Beep! Beep!
You awoke immediately from your deep sleep and rolled over
on your side. It was 6:00 on another school morning, and you were definitely
not ready to peel yourself away from your bed. You stared menacingly at the
alarm clock, hoping you could scare it into silence. When it persisted, you
rolled your eyes and slammed the snooze button down, then threw your sheets
off. It was time once again to start another crappy school day.
You stretched your arms out and let out a huge yawn, then
suddenly remembered that you were in the middle of a pleasant dream before your
alarm rudely interrupted. You couldn’t quite put your finger on what the dream
was about, but you knew it was a good one, and you were mad that it had to end.
You started the painful walk to your bathroom and flinched when you switched on
the unforgiving florescent lights. Waking up was the worst. But hey, at least
it was Friday.
You opened your medicine cabinet to retrieve your
toothpaste. When you shut it and saw your reflection, you froze. You studied
every bump and red spot on your face, wishing that you could just peel it away.
You looked away from the mirror in disgust and went back to brushing your
teeth. You had only been awake for five minutes and you were already dreading
having to show your face today.
When you finished in the bathroom, you went back to your
bedroom and checked your phone. You saw a message from Peter and couldn’t help
allowing a tiny smile to make a brief appearance on your face.
“Good morning! Get
ready to crush that speech today. Meet at your building at 7? Love you!”
The smile disappeared and you felt your stomach flip.
Somehow, you had forgotten that today was the day you had to give your twenty-minute
speech on literary devices in Lord of the Flies. You had spent weeks dreading it, and now it was here. You felt sick.
Peter knew that you were nervous, but he didn’t really
understand. You didn’t want to explain to him in painful detail how bad your social
anxiety really was. He had enough to worry about as it was. You didn’t want to
be another bullet point on his long list of responsibilities. Besides, how
could you compete with the entire city of New York that constantly needed
“Thanks, Pete. 7 is
good. Love you right back,” You typed with shaky fingers.
You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, remembering
tips your therapist gave you to help calm yourself down. This was starting to
work, but then your mind started to wander and you saw the faces of your
classmates staring back at you, judging you. You opened your eyes quickly and
began busying yourself, trying to focus on getting ready for your day instead
of dreading your speech.
You were packing your backpack in your kitchen when you
heard a buzz. Thank god. Peter was finally there. You took another deep breath
and pushed the button to let him up. You stared at the door until you heard a
knock, then opened it way too quickly. Peter was surprised by how fast the door
swung open, but he still beamed down at you. He had a box in his hands and held
it out to you.
“Good morning! I brought donuts. Thought it might cheer you
up,” He said, smiling shyly. You loved his shy smile. “You look great.”
You were so grateful that he woke up early just to buy
donuts in the hopes that they would cheer you up, but you knew you were too
nervous to eat them. You took the box from him anyways and wrapped your arms
“Thank you, Peter,” You whispered.
“It’s no big deal. And if you’re not feeling up to eating
right now, it’s ok. We can save them for lunch.”
“Thank god,” You said, exhaling loudly. “There’s no way I
could eat without gagging right now.”
Peter flashed a sympathetic smile and grabbed your hand.
“You’re going to be great, Y/N. I know it. Come on, let’s
get out of here so you can get this stupid speech over with.”
Although your hand was sweating profusely, he held it the
entire way to school without letting go once.
When you walked through the doors of your high school, your
chest tightened up immediately. You were still holding on to Peter when you
made it to your locker to grab your notecards and put away the donuts, and you
still managed to hold on as you sat down in your first class, ready to give
your speech. You felt like if you let go of him, you might fall apart
All your life you had gone through severe panic attacks and
difficult social interactions alone, but now you didn’t have to. Even if Peter
didn’t know about how hard you had it sometimes, he helped you through it all
just by holding your hand. Maybe it was better he didn’t know, anyways.
Sometimes people treated you differently when they found out. Your own father
used to yell at you when you had panic attacks in public. You had gotten so
used to hiding your anxiety that it was second nature to you. You could easily
write it off as awkwardness or shyness every time. Besides, the fact that you
had to keep it from him all the time gave you more motivation to try to keep
your shit together. This was probably the only reason you were able to stand up
and give your speech without any more drama than shaky hands and short breaths.
When you sat down, you were dizzy and sweaty. But it was over.
“See, I told you you could do it,” Peter whispered. “You did
great! And doesn’t it feel good to have it done?”
You nodded, but you didn’t believe your own lie. Sure, it
was done. But there would always be more speeches, or job interviews, or even more
pressure. There was always another obstacle you had to overcome. They never
seemed to end, and they certainly never seemed to get any easier. You knew this
was untrue. Ten years ago when the panic attacks started, you couldn’t even
show up to class, let alone talk in front of a group of people for twenty
minutes. But everything was still so damn hard.
Sometimes even breathing was hard.
When the bell rang after third period for lunch, you stalled
packing up your stuff so Peter would make it to your classroom before you had
to walk through the halls. It always helped having somebody to walk with. When
you were alone, you felt everyone’s judgment and stares drilling holes in your back. You could feel
your muscles tighten up and your brain starting to overthink every tiny step so
you wouldn’t trip and embarrass yourself. Usually this overthinking caused you
trip anyways. It was all so ridiculous. You knew no one actually cared, but you
just couldn’t help it.
You just finished zipping your backpack when you saw Peter’s
head peeking through the doorway. When he saw you, he grinned and waved
goofily. Seeing his face gave you a bolt of energy. It was like you had been sleepwalking the whole day and he had just woken you up with one little smile.
You walked over to him and grabbed his hand without even
“How was class? Learn anything valuable today?” He asked.
“Well, I learned that I should probably get more sleep. I
fell asleep again.”
“You do look pretty tired,” Peter said with a tone of
concern in his voice. “Are you feeling okay?”
Panic attacks always made you tired. Even feeling one pang
of anxiety drained you completely. So naturally, you were almost always
exhausted. But you didn’t want to explain this to him.
“Yeah, I just stayed up late last night working on my
speech. I’ll be fine.”
This was enough to drain the look of worry from Peter’s
face, and you were relieved. The last thing you wanted was for him to worry
“Do you feel well enough to eat some donuts now? Because I’m
You were always anxious at school, but at least now that your speech was over, you were at a comfortable enough
anxiety level that you could eat without gagging. And now that you thought
about it, you were pretty hungry. You hadn’t eaten all day.
“That sounds heavenly. I’ll go grab them.”
After you both retrieved the donuts and started to make your
way for the cafeteria, you tried to scarf yours down before you had to sit down
at your usual table in the corner. Eating in a huge room in front of a bunch of
strangers was always a challenge. You looked over at Peter, who didn’t seem to
care what anybody thought at all. He had powdered sugar all over his mouth and
nose and jelly on his chin. You laughed and grabbed a napkin from the table as
you sat down.
“You might want this.”
Peter blushed a little and took it.
“For the record, I knew I had food on my face. I was just
saving it for later.”
“Sure,” You scoffed.
“Well, hey, at least I didn’t scarf mine down in thirty
seconds. I’m a food connoisseur. I try to savor it. Now your donut is gone and
I still have mine. So, ha,” He said as he took another huge bite and got more
powder on his face.
“Yeah, well, I think I’ll survive. There’s like six left.”
Peter popped his last piece of donut into his mouth and
pushed the box towards you.
“Speaking of which, you want another one?”
You stared longingly at the donuts for a moment. You were
still hungry, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to eat anymore.
“No, I’m okay. I was so hungry that I ate my lunch last
period, so I’m pretty full,” You lied. “You go ahead and keep eating.”
“Are you sure? I bought these for you. I want you to eat
them.” He said tentatively.
You nodded. “Just save me a few. It’s okay.”
You watched him as he continued to eat without so much as a
care. He didn’t even seem to notice that there was anyone else in the room but
you. You wished you could be more like him. You didn’t want to care, but you
“So, hey, I have a proposition for you,” He said between
“Oh? And what is that?” You asked with a raised eyebrow.
“I know that you’re tired after your speech and everything,
but it’s Friday and I think we should celebrate.”
“Flash is having a party tonight. And I want you to go with
“Flash? Flash Thompson?”
Peter nodded and swallowed the last bite of his donut.
“Are you high? What makes you think you can show up to
his house? No, better yet, where is this desire to go to his house coming
“Come on. Flash knows not to mess with me anymore…”
Your mind flashed back to a few months ago when Peter accidentally used his Spidey powers to throw Flash against a wall of lockers. You raised an eyebrow skeptically.
fun, Y/N, please. I’ve never been to an actual high school party before.”
You studied Peter’s face. You could tell he really wanted to
go, and that he really needed you to be there with him. You sighed.
“Okay, okay. Fine. I’ll go with you. Somebody needs to make
sure Flash and his friends don’t kick your ass.”
Peter grinned the widest grin you had ever seen, revealing a
little bit of jelly stuck between his teeth. Who could say no to that face? Just then, Peter’s best friend Ned Leeds ran up to your table.
“Oooh, donuts!” He exclaimed and grabbed a powdered donut without asking if he could have one. He saw you raise an eyebrow at him and stopped chewing for a brief moment. You shook your head with a chuckle.
“Why are teenage boys such animals?” You asked with a smirk.
“What?” He asked with a full mouth, a little bit of powder escaping his lips and dusting the table. “Did I interrupt something?”
“I just asked Y/N to go to Flash’s party with me tonight.”
Ned’s eyes widened and his mouth hung open a little bit.
“Are you crazy?!”
“Ned, please, swallow before you choke,” Peter said.
Ned swallowed loudly and gestured wildly with his hands.
“I said, are you crazy?! After what happened between you two, he’s going to want to kill you if you show up at his house.”
“Thank you, Ned. My sentiments exactly,” You said.
“Well…I was going to invite you, too. But if you don’t think it’s a good idea…” Peter teased.
Ned thought about this for a moment, then shrugged.
“Well, in that case…” He trailed off, grabbing another donut from the box in the center of the table.
You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms. It looked like you were going to a party, after all.
The rest of the day, Peter was in a fantastic mood. He
couldn’t contain his excitement for the party. You tried your best to feign
excitement, but inside you were cringing. You had never been to a party, but
you knew it probably wouldn’t be very enjoyable for you. If you couldn’t even
sit quietly in a room full of people, then how could you socialize with a room
full of people?
After he walked you home, Peter told you he would pick you
up at eight, kissed you on the cheek, then went on his merry way. You watched
him walk away with a look of fear you had been hiding ever since you agreed to
go. Then you went inside and paced around your room for hours, overthinking
everything that might happen. What if he left you alone? What if somehow
everyone found out that Peter was Spider-Man? What if the world suddenly ended
while you were at the last place on earth that you wanted to be? You closed
your eyes and took a deep breath.
You were doing this for Peter. He wanted you there with him.
A year ago, you never would have thought someone would want you the way Peter
did. In fact, you were pretty sure you would never love anyone that way,
either. But you and Peter were the real deal, and you wanted to show him how
much you really cared about him. He always did so much for you, so you could do
this one thing for him, right? You realized that you might not survive the
night, but you had to at least try. Besides, how many bad things could happen
in one night? You were still unconvinced, but you went to your closet and
started to rifle through it for a decent outfit anyways. If you had to go to
this thing, you wanted to at least look your best.
You put on your favorite sweater and jeans. Although nothing
about the outfit was too crazy, you felt uncomfortable staring at your
reflection in the mirror. Was it too casual? Was the sweater ugly? You finally
silenced your brain and decided that if this is what made you comfortable, it
was the right choice. You smiled at yourself in the mirror, then watched it
fade as you noticed all of the pockmarks on your face. Your self confidence
dropped to an all-time low. You couldn’t look at yourself in the mirror any
longer. You flopped face-down onto your bed, trying and failing to hold back
your tears, when you heard your phone buzz. You rolled over on your back and
squinted at the screen. It was Peter.
“I’m on my way!” The
You jumped up from your bed. Was it really eight already?
You were so invested in making yourself look decent that you didn’t even realize
how much time had passed. The worst part was that you didn’t really accomplish
anything. You rushed forward to your mirror and messed with your hair and
clothes, doing the best you could with what time you had left. Then you heard
the dreaded knock on your door. It was time to go.
You walked as slowly as possible through your living room. When you reached the door, you paused with your hand on the doorknob so that you could take a much-needed
deep breath. Then you threw open the door before you could lose your nerve.
Peter greeted you with a huge smile, as always. You still couldn’t believe how
excited he was for this dumb party.
“Wow,” he said, rushing forward to plant a kiss on your
cheek. “You look great.”
You looked down and pulled at your sweater uncomfortably.
You looked the same as you always did. Was he insane? You wanted to ask him,
but decided it was best not to start anything. He was so excited. You didn’t
want to ruin his fun.
“Thanks,” You muttered. “Ready to go?”
You tried to seem excited the whole way to Flash’s, playing
the part of a normal teenager. But inside your brain was battling itself. You
mostly just let Peter do the talking (which wasn’t out of the ordinary), so you
hoped that he wouldn’t notice you were feeling anxious. The journey to the
party was a complete blur. You were too trapped inside of your head to
interpret anything going on in your surroundings. You snapped back to reality
when you were in Flash’s doorway. You were fighting the urge to run when you
felt Peter’s hand on your back. You looked up at him and he smiled down at you
nervously. You hadn’t even considered that Peter was probably a nervous wreck,
too. He always had trouble socializing at school, and you knew how much he
wished Flash and his friends would like him. You smiled back at him for the
first time that night, and you could feel him loosen up immediately. Sometimes
you felt so isolated in your anxiety that you often forgot you weren’t the only
person on the planet with problems. You felt so selfish. Peter needed you. You
couldn’t fail him now.
“Don’t worry, this will be fun,” You whispered in his ear,
and gave his arm a little squeeze.
He nodded and kissed you on the forehead.
“So… How does this work? Do we knock or just go inside?”
“My only knowledge
about house parties is from 80s movies, so you’re definitely asking the wrong person,”
You giggled nervously.
“I say… We knock?” Peter said unconvincingly. You both
shrugged at each other and he reached out to pound his fist against the door.
“Door’s open!” You heard from the inside of the house.
Peter walked in first. You immediately noticed the immense number
of your classmates inside, huddled in various groups, holding drinks and trying
to talk over the loud music. You grabbed Peter’s hand quickly. Then you heard a
voice calling to the both of you.
“Peter! Y/N! You guys finally made it.”
It was Ned. Peter loosened his grip
on your hand, relaxing further after seeing another familiar face.
“Ned, thank god,” You said and wrapped your arms around him
“Oh, good to see you, too, Y/N,” He said and patted your
back awkwardly. “Are you okay?”
You peeled yourself off of him quickly and cleared your
“Yeah, sorry… Just good to see a familiar face. That’s all.”
You looked up at Peter and smiled, trying to convince him
that you were fine. But he could tell something was wrong.
“Yeah, Ned. It’s good to see you here,” He said and embraced
Ned tightly, just as you had. He was clearly just trying to make you feel
“Okay,” Ned said as Peter pulled away from him and patted
him on the shoulder. “You guys are being weird. If I pretend I don’t know you
tonight, please don’t get offended,” He joked. You and Peter laughed and he
wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer to him. Being this close to him
always made you feel safe.
Ned rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, obviously annoyed
by your PDA.
“Okay, okay. We get it, you guys are in love. Gross.”
“Oh, come on, Ned. Haven’t you met any potential significant
others here yet?” Peter teased.
“I’ve been here for five minutes. Considering the way things
have been going, I think it will take a little bit longer than that to find the
love of my life. Besides, you’re my wingman. I can’t talk to anybody without
“Oh, please,” you rolled your eyes jokingly. “You have way more
game than Peter.”
Peter pulled away from you and covered his heart like you
had just shot a bullet through it. His mouth was agape in feigned shock.
“Y/N, I’m hurt. I can’t believe you don’t think I have any
“I hate to play this card again, but can I please just be
the one to point out that you both have each other while I am the most single
person at Midtown? I’m pretty sure Peter has more game than me,” Ned said.
“He has a point.”
“Ned,” You said, putting both of your hands on his
shoulders. “You are smart as hell, you have a wicked sense of humor, and you’re
adorable. You’re going to find someone in no time. You just need to put
yourself out there.”
“That’s the thing…” Ned said, looking at his shoes. “I have
found someone. I just don’t know what to say to her.”
You and Peter both leaned in closer.
“Who?” You both said at the same time, a little too
Ned didn’t say anything. He just nodded in the direction of
Betty Brant, who was in the corner of the room, standing next to Liz Allan and sipping
Both you and Peter leaned back again, your mouths forming a
giant ‘O’ shape.
“You should go talk to her!” You encouraged Ned, though you
knew if the tables were turned you would never be able to do that. Luckily,
Peter was the one who made the first move on you.
Ned just looked panicked, and shook his head furiously.
“I can’t. Not by myself. Peter, you have homeroom with her,
right? Maybe you could start a conversation with her and I could jump in.
Please, dude. I need you.”
Peter looked at you with a worried expression, knowing that
you didn’t want him to leave you alone.
“It’s fine! You guys go. I’ll be fine.”
Peter smiled and kissed you on the cheek. Ned rolled his
eyes at this, but you pretended not to notice.
“I’ll just go embarrass myself and be right back here in two
minutes, tops. I promise,” Peter said earnestly.
“Seriously, I’m fine! Go!” You said with a huge fake smile
on your face, pushing the two of them towards Betty. Your face dropped as soon
as their backs were turned. Over the years you had become an expert faker of emotions.
You looked at your surroundings, watching your fellow
students laugh and drink and dance together. You couldn’t help feeling
alienated. A long time ago you had come to the conclusion that while you loved
being alone when there was no one else around, you hated being alone when you
were surrounded by a sea of strangers. Sure, you had grown up with most of
these people, but you had never really taken the time to get to know any of
them. Your social anxiety had made sure of that. You were too busy avoiding
embarrassment to care about anyone else, and it was clear to you now that no one
here cared that you were there.
You walked away suddenly, just because you felt the need to
move. Standing still was driving you crazy, and in your mind Peter and Ned were
taking way too long. You made your way to a table covered in bottles of various
types of alcohol, and picked the first one you saw. You weren’t a drinker, but
at that moment you didn’t know what else to do. So you drank. And soon the
bottle was empty.
You set it down and turned around to see if Peter and Ned
were back, but you spun around so quickly that you knocked into someone.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry…” You began to say, but trailed off
when you noticed you had bumped into Liz Allen, who was now brushing her
spilled drink off of the front of her top.
“It’s ok, I was beginning to hate this shirt anyways,” Liz
said with a smile, but you were so embarrassed that you didn’t even smile back.
You just blushed and stared at her.
“Hey, you’re Peter’s girlfriend, right? He’s a really sweet
guy. I was just talking to him, actually.”
“Yeah, did you see where he went by the way?”
“Last I saw he was talking to Flash. Seems like they’re finally starting to become friends, thank god. But I’m not
sure where he went after that. Are you okay?”
You were looking behind her, trying to find his familiar
face, but all you saw were strangers. You could feel your panic level beginning
to rise in the pit of your stomach.
“Yeah, I’m just… I just… I’ll be back,” You stammered and
You didn’t walk too far before you got caught in a huge
group of people. You turned around to see if Liz was still behind you, and you
saw her whispering something to Betty. You felt a brief moment of optimism when
you saw Betty, hoping that Peter and Ned would be near her, but you didn’t see
them anywhere. Then you could have sworn you saw both Liz and Betty look over
at you. Was Liz talking about you, making fun of how awkward you were? Liz was
nice. She would never do that to you. But what if she did?
You quickly looked away and began to walk away again, the
panic swirling within you even more intensely. People were dancing and laughing
around you and the room began to swirl. Everyone that laughed was laughing at
you. Liz’s whispers were all about you. And Peter was nowhere to be seen. You didn’t
know where you were going, but you took off upstairs, searching for any place
to hide. You tried various doors before you finally found an unoccupied
You shut the door and locked it behind you, curling up on
the floor. You tried to get yourself to take deep breaths, but you could feel
your throat closing up and your brain was racing uncontrollably. It’s like you
were thinking of everything and nothing all at once. You could see your face in
the bathroom mirror that morning red and splotchy. You relived your speech this
morning and every word you tripped over. You imagined everyone at the party
staring at you, and Liz and Betty laughing and pointing at you. You wondered
why you couldn’t be as good-looking as Liz, and worse yet, you imagined Peter
choosing her and Flash and the popular crowd over you – mocking you and telling you that he never loved you.
You closed your eyes tightly to stop the tears but it was
too late. Then, just as you buried your face in your crossed arms, you heard a
knocking on the door.
“Y/N, are you in there? It’s Peter.”
You whipped your head up. You didn’t want Peter to see you
like this, but you also didn’t want him to worry about you. You pressed your
ear up against the door and spoke through it.
“Yes, Peter. I’m here. I’m okay.”
Although you couldn’t see his face, you could tell Peter
wasn’t having it.
“Liz saw you run up here. She seemed really concerned. You’re
not okay, are you?”
You searched your brain for the right thing to say.
“I will be,” You said so quietly it was almost a whisper.
You weren’t sure if you even actually believed it.
“Y/N, just open the door, okay? I need to see you.”
You sighed heavily and reached up to unlock the door. As
soon as you did, Peter was already inside the room, closing the door softly
behind him and joining you on the tiled bathroom floor.
He looked at your tear-stained face for a moment, assessing
how you were feeling, then wrapped his arms around you so tightly that it took
your breath away.
“I’m sorry, I knew I shouldn’t have left you…” He whispered.
You peeled yourself away from him and peered at him with furrowed eyebrows.
“This isn’t your fault, Peter. I shouldn’t have to have
someone babysit me at a party because I can’t handle being alone. It’s not your
fault that I’m so screwed up.”
“You are not screwed up, Y/N.”
“Yes, I am!” You yelled and stood up, facing away from him. “I
can’t do anything by myself. I can’t go to parties, I can’t order my own food,
sometimes I can’t even get myself to leave my house without having anxiety about it. And having to give that
speech today made me feel like the world was ending. It’s a miracle that I was
able to talk to you at all let alone feel comfortable enough around you to date
you. I can’t talk to anyone or be a normal person because it just feels like everyone
is judging me and my stupid face and sizing me up all the time or waiting for
me to mess up. And I always mess up. I always mess everything up, Peter…”
Peter stood up and put both of his hands on your cheeks,
swiping your tears away with his thumbs.
“Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that. You’re not doing
anything wrong. You’re beautiful and perfect the way you are.”
“Why is everything so hard?” You sniffled.
Peter wrapped you up in another hug.
“I didn’t know you felt this way. I’m so sorry.”
“I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want to scare
you away. Besides, you already carry the weight of the entire city on your shoulders.
I didn’t want you to have to carry me, too.”
“I want to take care of you, Y/N. We’re supposed to take
care of each other. That’s what being in a relationship is all about. I’m all
in, okay? I’m never going anywhere.”
You closed your eyes as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. He
sighed loudly, trying to find the right thing to say.
“Look, I don’t know if this will help, but do you remember
how shy and nervous I was before I became Spider-Man?”
You nodded, and he started to pull something out of his back
pocket. He unfolded it, and you immediately recognized the piece of cloth in his hand. It was his Spider-Man mask.
“After I got these powers…after I became Spider-Man, and I
got to hide behind this mask, I started gaining all this confidence. I don’t
know, when people can’t see who you really are, somehow it gives you more
strength to be who you really are. Does that make any sense?”
You nodded again.
“Good. So anyways, maybe the next time you have to do
something that scares you, just imagine you’re wearing this.”
He paused and slipped the mask over your face.
“There. Nobody can see through you when you’re wearing a
You sniffled underneath it.
“How do I look?”
Peter couldn’t hold back his grin.
“Badass. I think I might actually like it on you better.”
You took the mask off and threw your arms around Peter’s
“I love you,” You whispered, and you could feel him sigh
“I love you, too.”
You pulled away, wiping your eyes and showing off your first
genuine smile of the night.
“So…does Ned have a new girlfriend now or what?”
Peter laughed and shook his head.
“Uh…let’s just say we’re working on it. Come on, let’s get
out of here. I’ve got a comfy couch and a kickass DVD collection with your name on it.”
There’s a God-awful shitty feeling of dread in my heart, Yeah, it’s got a lot to do with having to finish what I start; And at any second now I think it all might fall apart, ‘Cause there’s a God-awful shitty feeling of dread in my heart, yeah.
When Stiles finally steps off the westward trail to California, he’s the last of his pack. He starts building a den, but then he finds a dying man next to a burnt-down house and it turns out he’s not really much of a settler, after all.
The story that was supposed to be about time-travel, but is really a stealth AU of the first two seasons where Talia’s a struggling single mom, Peter’s the eponymous teen wolf, and Stiles, Scott and Lydia…are time travelers (so that part’s not totally inaccurate).
Stiles is a sphinx, and he’s winging his way to visit his buddy Scott when a storm drops him in Beacon Hills, the craziest, crankiest, coldest place ever. And somehow, he ends up with a bunch of werewolves.
Peter Hale, thirty-four, shady but successful human lawyer, knocks on his nephew Derek’s door one night because he’s just been bitten by a werewolf. Somehow, this ends up being a lot more awkward than one would expect.
Stiles gets a job as a hospital orderly and finds himself becoming strangely attached to the catatonic man on the long-term care ward, and finds out that there’s a lot more to Peter Hale than there seems…
Peter’s heard people talk about what it felt like when they saw their mate for the first time, from those who actually believe in the mystical bullshit. Like a magnet, like gravity. Peter just feels… sharply curious.
After moving to Beacon Hills, Stiles starts having recurring dreams of a man in some kind of prison, who needs his help. Things get so bad that he ends up in Eichen House, where he finds out that the man is real.
Stiles is too curious for his own good, and he can’t help himself, so he joins a website advertising to be a good place for “kinksters.” He just wants to be nosy and see what total strangers are up to. Then he meets Peter, who wants to be called Daddy.
Stiles can’t really talk anymore but, with Peter, he realizes he doesn’t have to. Even if their spoken communication consists of one swear word and stuttered syllables, they understand each other. And that’s what counts.
Commander Stilinski looked like he fell out of a propaganda video, his armor still smoking as he pulled off his helmet and handed it off to First Officer Argent. He had a few bruises down his neck but his smile was bright.
“Glad to see you safe and sound, Mr. Hale. I’d hate for Derek to lose a member of his family.”
“I told you,” Derek snapped at his superior, “he’s not worth this, Commander.”
After being abandoned by Scott, Stiles feels empty and tired. Sick of life. Until Peter re-enters his life and makes him want to live again. All of a sudden he’s not so alone anymore…and neither is Peter.
Stiles doesn’t mean to sneak into the Hale wedding, and he certainly doesn’t mean to have cliche coat-room sex with the bride’s uncle, but what had happened, happened, and it wasn’t like he could just leave. At least, not until he got to have some of that cake.
At the end of a strained relationship, crime novelist Stiles chooses to hide from the world inside a bar with far too many motorcycles outside it for comfort. Here he’ll meet the man of his dreams, eat food and propose marriage, all within the first five minutes.
Peter doesn’t know who this kid is, but he’s cute and looks like he could use a break. So he feeds him. He’s not expecting a marriage proposal, but with what comes after, he doesn’t really mind.
This is the story of how Peter gets married without technically dating anyone.
“You can bring your boyfriend with you,” Talia says. Peter stops giving Henry more bits of dried fruit to stare at his sister “Boyfriend?” “Of course!” Talia gestures at Stiles who looks around behind him with wide eyes. “I’m sure the whole family would be interested in meeting your young man.”
Stiles shows up at Peter’s apartment, drunk and horny. Peter almost does the right thing—before it all deteriorates into a voyeuristic power game and Stiles has a mind-shattering orgasm. Things snowball from there.
Peter is a simple saloon owner on one of the outer planets between the Aaru Belt and the Olympus Galaxy. He’s done with trouble. Done with adventure. So fucking done with rustlers. That is, until a cute young outlaw named Stiles wanders into his bar. Peter has this problem where he can’t seem to resist charming narcissists (perhaps because they remind him of himself). And when said narcissists turn his life upside-down, the worst part is he’s not even that upset about it.
“Dear god,” Peter snorts. “Alphas and their obsession with bodily fluids. Do you really find the narration of biological processes arousing?” “You mean you’re not into the idea of smelling like me for days after this?” Stiles grins. “I don’t know about days. I’m sure the birth control hormones will flush it out after about twenty-four hours.” “You—what—I thought it suppresses your heats how are you—?” “I like sex. So I take the pill that gives me shorter pseudo-heats. I’m still infertile. You gonna cry about it?”
(Or the one where Peter is a strong, independent Omega who don’t need no Alpha, but maybe he starts to like having Stiles around anyway).
Miraculous Ladybug and Voltron Roles (and everything after)
So the Miraculous crew get flung into space riding on a Blue
Lion, crossing the universe to a mysterious Castle, and into a war that spans millennia—a
war they never knew about. Here’s what happened next.
Tikki (Princess Allura) and Plagg (Coran) have
the most powerful weapon in the universe at their fingers, but it’s not their
destiny to wield it. Luckily, five teenage pilots unintentionally stumble through
their front door, awaken them from a 10,000 year nap, and proceed to shake the
very foundations of space and time. Tikki, connected to the Lions and has a
strong bond with quintessence itself, knows exactly where each pilot will
thrive, eventually growing into the Paladins the universe needs.
Marinette is the Black Lion, the head of
Voltron. She’s a tricky one—impulsive and trusts her instincts—nearly a good
fit for the Red Lion, but she’s exactly the strategic, decisive head that
Voltron needs. She’s meant to be leader—and it’ll be a journey to reach her
full potential—but that’s part of the fun anyway. (She’s exactly where Keith would
be at the end of Season 2 of Voltron in Shiro’s absence, which makes it all the
Chloe is the Red Lion, a supernova that burns
bright. Temperamental at the worst of times, passionate at best—she’s a
spitfire intent on raging into the world like a shooting star. Only she can
tame the Red Lion, and once she has her hands on the controls, there’s nothing stopping
her in the heat of battle. But she has a lot to grow before she comes into her
role as Paladin, from spoiled Princess of the Garrison to a Paladin of Volron—but
only time can tell what the future has in store for her.
Alya is the Green Lion, as the tech-savy
journalist of the group. Whether she’s chasing a story or a conspiracy, she’s
got the highly inquisitive mind and the daring nature that the Green Lion
embodies. Always hunting for answers, going out of her way for the truth, a
thirst for knowledge that burns deep—it’s why her and Green have one of the
tightest bonds of the bunch. She’s a natural born Paladin, and that’s just what
the universe needs.
Adrien is the Yellow Lion, with his sunshine
smile and sparkling eyes. He’s always been quick to raise his friends up,
supporting them and defending them when the need calls. The Yellow Lion holds
the armor and defense to protect its team, and Adrien wouldn’t think twice
before throwing himself in front of a shot to protect anyone he cares about.
With the strongest and most resilient Lion, Adrien always answers the call of
duty and does whatever it takes to protect the team.
Nino is the Blue Lion without question. The Blue
Lion is the most open of the Voltron lions—friendliest and most accepting, just
like Nino. The boy who took a chance to see the real Adrien behind the “famous
model” mask, and welcomed him into a friendship with open arms, it’s no wonder the
Blue Lion did the same for Nino. He flows like water—easy going and adaptable,
with the confidence to muster nearly any situation—and is truly the heart of
Voltron. Open and honest, Nino fits the key ingredients to pilot the Blue Lion.
The Paladins accept their duties after a
stunning and deadly battle that nearly destroyed the Arusian homeworld, knowing
that to step away might sentence Earth to the same devastation the Galra spread
to numerous other planets, the same that cost Tikki and Plagg their people,
their planet, and everyone they loved. It’s hard though, as Earth was their
home and their families remain behind, with questions unanswered and no bodies
Marinette misses home the most deeply—she aches
for it like a missing limb. With only her mother and father, their little
family was a close-knit one, and the fact that she can’t go back—may never go
back, though no one will ever say it out loud—hurts her more than any of Tikki’s
wild training exercises. She’ll stand in the control room, watching the star
map twist planets and stars around one another in a celestial dance, a soft
blue glow painted over her face, with a small frown as the only sign that something
deeply troubles her. She’ll never tell the team, except for maybe Alya. She
already struggles with being their leader, and one more chink in her armor
might give Chloe the chance to make a crater.
Adrien’s job is to be a rock. It’s what his Lion
stands for, and it’s a duty he takes pride in. Whether he’s protecting his
teammates or acting as their crutch, he’s always by their side as an ever-present
guard. Outside of battle, it’s even more clear—especially with Marinette. He supports
her in her journey to become the leader that Voltron needs. In moments of hesitance
and fear, he places a hand on her to offer her stability in the tremulous world
they’ve been through in. Outside of Alya, he’s her closest friend. From Adrien,
a few words of kindness are all his friends need to curb their worries, fears
and insecurities, and any general sadness that might tinge their smiles. He’s
the perfect picture of steady and sturdy, but even the rock can have its
Adrien’s story was written in tragedy. It
happened a year before, when Adrien was a blossoming young pilot under the
Garrison’s eyes, son of the man who would fly the Earth to the farthest reaches
of its solar system. Gabriel Agreste and a team of scientists led by Adrien’s
mother were assigned the Kerberos mission, the most famous man-driven missions
of the Galaxy Garrison, until an incident occurred, and the crew went missing.
The Garrison passed the disappearance off as a pilot error, but Adrien, who had
learned to pilot under his father’s watchful eye, knew that his father wouldn’t
have made a rookie mistake and crashed a ship into a moon. Alya swears the
Garrison was covering up the truth behind his parents’ death, but right now,
Adrien believes more than anything that his parents would find a way to
survive. So, while he’s flying in space with magical robot lion, he’s on the search
for answers amidst the stars.
Alya’s got her eyes on the prize—looking for
answers to the truths the Garrison tried to hide. This villain they’re facing,
the Emperor Hawkmoth of the Galran race, wants Voltron for a reason, and she
knows she’s seen him mentioned once or twice in the Garrison’s database. Tikki
and Plagg have never heard of Earth before, but the Blue Lion was on Earth in
the first place. There’s something going on here, and she’s determined to
discover the secrets the universe has tried to hide—especially the truth about
her mother’s demise and whether the Kerberos crew she was on really did die on
a backwater moon of Pluto.
· Alya spends most of her time immersing in Altean culture in the Castle of Lion’s library. There’s so much to learn about, whether it’s the history of the Voltron lions or how exactly the Blue Lion ended up on Earth and who King Fu (King Alfor) was. Tikki and Plagg are mum when it comes to history, and Alya’s always had a curious streak that might kill her (and Nino who she always manages to drag along). And if her and Nino lose track of time in the dark corner of the library, where a musty smell of age-old books tickles their noses, the rest of the team doesn’t really question it. If anything, at least the two Paladins are growing closer.
Nino’s just along for the ride. Spotting Chloe
sneaking Adrien out of the Garrison, who was he to let his best buddy be
smuggled away in the middle of the night? Course, Alya and Marinette had to be
dragged along if Adrien and Nino were involved, if only to protect them all
from Chloe’s unique brand of sufferance. In the heat of the moment, only
Marinette could knock Chloe down a few pegs, which Chloe could fire right back.
Nino, on the other hand, melted into the group like water, filling their spaces
and cracks like an ebbing tide that can be tugged in any direction based on
whichever moon in his system pulls the strongest. Accepting and open to nearly
anyone, he trusts the most and holds the others in the highest regard—he is
truly the heart of the team. He’s the only one who sees Adrien’s cracks, who can keep up with Alya’s ideas, who can bridge the divide between Chloe and Marinette, and who can keep Voltron together on the worst of days. Without him, things might just fall apart.
Chloe only meant to show Adrien the weird
carvings of lions she’d stumbled upon one day while exploring a group of caves
her father, as Director of the Garrison, had declared as forbidden territory.
It’s dangerous, he’d told her, but since when had her father’s words ever
stopped her? Normally she could wrap the man around her little finger, but when
it came to her safety, her father wouldn’t move an inch. Naturally, Chloe
pushed him off the edge entirely and molded her own path. There was something
calling to her when she was out there, something that needed to be found, and
Adrien was into the whole conspiracy shit in the first place, so of course she’d
show him her discovery. What she hadn’t expected was for the Nerd Herd to come
along—that never ended well. And she was right. She meant to show her closest
friend some weird cave drawings, and the next thing she knew, they were
hurtling across the stars in a magical robot lion. What’s a girl to do?
(Getting the Red Lion was a surprise to everyone—including
Chloe. She’s not the type to rely on instincts, skill, etc—she was only in the
pilot class because she knew her way around a stick and her father was easy to
please. But the more time she spends in Red’s cockpit, with the controls in her
sweaty palms, chest heaving as she pulls up from a dive… The more she realizes,
she was born to fly. She was born to be here—to sit with an old soul who’s just
as passionate and fiery as herself. There’s something to be said, Chloe
believes, that she feels more alive in space where she has literally nothing,
versus back on Earth where she had everything.)
They’re a mismatched batch of kids, pilots
pulled from Earth in a jaw-dropping, heart-throbbing whirlwind through a
wormhole, but… It’s funny, how well they mesh together. It surprises Tikki and
Plagg sometimes, who watch with wide eyes as they execute training drills and
mission-ready exercises. By all accounts, they should be divided—they’re
children pulled into a war they didn’t know about—children who haven’t embraced
their roles as Paladins, their bonds with their Lions, or their relations with
Marinette and Chloe have butt heads from the
beginning. Marinette will NEVER be Chloe’s leader, her superior, or commander,
and Marinette will never become friends with Chloe Bourgeois, but these two
simple facts prevent them from forming Voltron. Reluctant acceptance would
probably best define their relationship—or a necessary evil. But as they form
Voltron and take on the Galran forces, it becomes something else entirely. Lke
fire and ice, they contrast each other so drastically that Tikki expects one of
them to spontaneous combust one of these days, but somehow Marinette and Chloe
have found a way to make it work. With Marinette’s strategic thinking and Chloe’s
cutthroat tactics, they make the perfect team in combat and on missions.
(Though, if Marinette shows even an ounce of weakness, Chloe will strike, and
Marinette is always quick to rise to bait). A toxic potion indeed, one might
assume, but one that cancels out the poison to become an antidote entirely.
Slowly but surely, they’re coming together. They
still have a long way to go—a lot to grow into—but Tikki and Plagg are certain
that they can save the universe. Whether it’s the mystery of the Agreste
family, the truth behind Hawkmoth, the childish bickering or saving the
universe in general—Voltron can overcome anything.
It’s just gonna take some time—and a wild ride
(this starts out really messy but it pulls itself together tbh)
- Keith having a huge surge of confidence when his voice drops after starting t, and he wouldn’t stop talking for like a week, which was the most conversation anyone had ever had with him, and the most happy Shiro had ever seen him. Even now, he still really loves his voice.
- Keith losing everything after dropping out of the garrison, pulling money from his father’s account to continue his t doses, but surgery seems like a distant dream.
- Because of this, Keith distracting himself from dysphoria and concerns about his future by focusing on the weird energy he feels out there in the desert and searching nonstop for whatever it is that he needs to find.
- Keith being relieved when he finds Shiro, who he thought was long gone. Keith’s desperate for a friend back that understands him and can help him through this all, but the other three kids that show up are an unexpected addition.
I won’t be engaging in much speculation on the meaning of a few lyrics before we can hear the songs. I’m not the best at lyric interpretation anyway - once the Johnny Cash connection was explained, I could finally see how Caroline is about cocaine.
Here’s the thing:
SotT - Harry himself said it means different things to him every time he hears it.
ESNY - Lot’s of valid interpretations and some very strong ideas as to what it means to H, but it can be about lots of different things all at once. Swifty, his media image…..
Carolina - Really does look like it’s about cocaine, but he’ll never admit it.
Sweet Creature - No one can convince me that song isn’t about Harry and Louis’ relationship. Sometimes a song really is literal and direct.
From the Dining Table could be about his parents’ divorce, the end of Anne’s second marriage, Zayn’s divorce of 1D, a feeling after he and Louis had a bad fight that they might fall apart. It might be about all of those things - maybe none of them.
For music to be honest and authentic it doesn’t have to be autobiographical, in the least. It’s about the artist’s perspective, emotions, personification, observation, symbolism, yearnings. Some songs might be about things he’s seen, rather than his personal experience. Music is a way of expressing texture, color, hurt, joy, love, hate - it can be the most non-literal of arts, or the most literal. Harry is concerned with melody, dramatic arc, the overall feel of a song - please don’t confine his art to strictly literal interpretation.
A/N: I started this and I’m kind of in love with the idea, what do you guys think?Thinking maybe I should add on to this? Please note that english is not my first language so there might be grammar mistakes
Pairings: Jughead X Reader
Prompt: People fall apart, but it’s hard to keep the distance when you both keep hoping to pull the other back.
Warnings: Swearing, drinking
Word count: 1698
It’s funny how things change. How you can going from knowing someone so well, sharing every secret to no contact at all, hardly even a glance along the hallways. That wasn’t true though, was it? No matter how hard you push, you never manage to push hard enough. He’s still there, you’re still looking each other’s ways and even if you try to forget, you still hold all his secrets, and he holds yours.
Dean starts being honest with Sam when Sam is asleep and it turns into a habit.
“You remember,” Dean begins conversationally, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel, “when we were young and dad was the one driving? I was never any good at sleeping in the car but as soon as we hit the road, you’d drop off right away against my shoulder in the backseat.
I remember that one winter — you must have been eight or nine… The heating didn’t work and we wrapped ourselves into that god-awful excuse of a blanket. It was so scratchy and stiff and literally did nothing to keep us warm, and you still managed to sleep like a dead person.”
He pauses, glancing over at his brother’s sleeping form. Curled into himself, his breath fogging up the window where he’s got the side of his face pressed against it, he makes the occasional sleep noise and barely even stirs when the car hits a pothole on the uneven road.
Dean can’t stop the smile that’s tugging at his mouth from growing wider so he doesn’t try, giving in to it instead.
It’s too easy to lull himself into a false sense of security. Even if the world is studiously headed for damnation, in these quiet moments, nighttime on the road, nothing to keep Dean company but the engine and his brother’s breathing, it’s easy to have hope. Hope that everything is going to work out after all in the end.
Summary: Liam crashes his car and wakes up to haunting green eyes and a man with a secret. Harry tries to push Liam away, but something is binding them together that’s much stronger than any fear that might tear them apart. - OR - Harry is a Siren, and Liam falls for him, despite the risks.
It’s the singing that wakes him up. A rising harmony in his head, like the sun slowly reappearing on the horizon. But when he opens his eyes, the sun is already staring back at him.
“Morning,” Harry whispers, the tip of his nose wiggling a bit with the word and the way he’s grinning so brilliantly. Liam feels like he’s back in the hospital, convinced he’s hallucinating some otherworldly deity. The light coming in through the windows outlines Harry’s hair and body, making it so he’s actually glowing. “Liam…”
Liam blinks, props himself up a little on the old couch with his elbows so his face is barely an inch away from Harry’s. Harry, who’s still grinning like he’s got a fantastic secret to share. “What are you smiling about, Sunshine?” Liam chuckles, giving in.
“I could tell you I’m sorry,” Betty says as her eyes shift around the room. She can’t make eye contact with Jughead for some reason. “But I know that wouldn’t do any good.”
“So don’t tell me you’re sorry,” he says.
She hates the way his voice sounds so emotionless, even his face is expressionless. She’s never really seen him like this, at least not with her, and she has to wonder if she’s really the one who did this to him, but she already knows the answer. Of course she is.
“What I want to tell you is that I was wrong. I was wrong to lash out at you that night. I was wrong to tell you all of the horrible things I did and I was wrong to walk out on you.”
“Betty,” he sighs and she finally looks at him. Their eyes connect and immediately she feels all the things she used to feel when she would look into them; love, comfort, hope. Although she doesn’t know if he sees the same things. “Why did you go to Los Angeles? Why now? After all these years, why couldn’t you just leave things alone?”
It hurts that he wishes she would have stayed away, but she’s sure she deserves it.
“I guess it kind of started with Veronica…”
If one word could describe Betty Cooper’s life it would probably be: tragic. Okay, that’s a bit dramatic. Messy is a better one, or even just sad, both of those would work good.
Granted she didn’t start thinking about her life like this until recently, until he left. She couldn’t blame him though, she was the one who practically packed up his bags and told him to get the hell out of Riverdale. She doesn’t know what she was expecting when she left him, but she never really thought he’d actually leave Riverdale.
Archie had come to her two days before Jughead was supposed to leave, begging her to talk to him. Because if she didn’t talk to him then this was it, Jughead would be gone and they’d be done.
She just told Archie that they’d been done the second he decided to write a book about her father’s death.
Realistically Betty understood now that Jughead hadn’t just been writing about her dad’s death, but it didn’t really matter anymore. The fact remained that he went behind her back to write about her life, personal things that people didn’t need to know were probably written across those pages. It wasn’t something she could get past. So she didn’t.
She spent the four years after her break up trying to get her mom in a better place. It took some time, but Alice Cooper was a strong woman and not before long, she watched as her mom was able to get herself up in the mornings and make breakfast. She watched as the light began to return to her mom’s eyes and as the spark of creativity came back to her writing.
For four years she tried to move on from Jughead Jones desperately but she couldn’t. Sometimes she wondered if she actually wanted to. If she really wanted to then wouldn’t she have by now? Sure, she and Jughead had been together since they were fifteen, but that didn’t mean she would never be able to move on… did it?
She spent her days actively avoiding bookstores and TV interviews, anything that might accidentally make her have to face Jughead. She knew it was kind of immature, but it was fine. She was coping. She had wondered if Jughead would actually publish the book, a part of her wanted him to but another part was mad that he did. Veronica had told her that Archie talked him into it, though. Apparently it had worked out perfectly for him. Kudos.
It’s Christmas when Veronica shows up to her house with a rectangular wrapped present. When she opens it, she looks at her best friend with a mixture of outrage and betrayal on her face.
“I know you don’t want to and I know you’ll probably hate me for giving it to you, but you need to read this. It’s been five years, B. If you’re not over him by now then I don’t think you ever will be. You need to read this. Just read it and if you still feel the same way after, if you still swear you hate him, then fine. I’ll let it go and I’ll never bring him up again, but please. Just read this. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
Betty didn’t say anything. She just watched as Veronica walked out of her house and then she fixed her gaze onto the book in front of her. It’s an average sized novel, but for some reason it feels extremely heavy in her hands.
She contemplates tossing it into the fireplace behind her and letting it burn. But she doesn’t.
Instead, with shaky hands, she opens the book slowly. The spine creaks under her hands and already she can feel her heart rate spike.
Right there, in front of her, is the dedication mocking her.
To B.C. I Still Love You.
She closes her eyes and tilts her head back. A whole new kind of pain rushes through her as she realizes that Jughead had listened to the hateful, ugly words she yelled at him all those years ago.
“Publish it and dedicate it to me. So that way when you’re rich and famous, every time you open that book up you’ll remember whose tragic life got you there.”
The words are still fresh in her mind. She’s not sure if she’ll ever forget that day and all the things she said. She wants to toss the book more than ever now, but she can’t. She needs to do this. If not for herself then for Veronica’s wishes.
She spends all day and night reading the book. She reads the same paragraphs over and over countless times before finally finishing it. By the time she closes it, she’s crying.
The words on the pages are beautiful. They are the sweetest, most heartfelt words a person could say. This whole book is a dedication to the love and affection Jughead had felt for her. It’s raw and pure and honest. It’s their life story and she hates the ending. She hates that she’s the one who created the ending. Their ending should have been something epic that could rival even the greatest novels of all time, but it isn’t. It’s tragic, the kind of ending that makes you never want to find love.
When she was a little girl, her mom would read her stories about princesses and princes falling in love and living happily ever after. She always wanted a story like that and she had it. She had that kind of love with Jughead and then she let it go. She let it go because she was mad and angry at the world and how it was treating her. She was mad at everything and she took it out on Jughead. Jughead, who had done nothing except be there for her from the very first day. Jughead, who had only ever tried to show her just how much he loved her.
“Betty?” Her mom asks. “Are you okay?” Warm arms hug her in comfort and for the first time in a long time, Betty cries in her mom’s lap.
“I made a huge mistake, mom,” she sobs out.
She doesn’t have to say what the mistake is. The book on her lap does all the talking.
“Oh, Betty,” her mom sighs as she runs her hands through her hair. “He loved you so much. You can fix this.”
Can she? She’s not so sure this time.
Veronica is the one who talks her into it. She says that Betty has to at least try before giving up completely. It’s an insane idea, she knows it, but it could also be the first step to fixing things between them. She knows she has a long shot. It’s been five years. Jughead could have a girlfriend or even a wife. He could have a family of his own over there in Los Angeles for all Betty knows, but she supposes that’s what this trip is for; to find out.
She takes the book with her. If her plan goes correctly then she’ll attend a book signing of Jughead’s. It’s probably not the ideal meeting for them, but it’s the only place she knows to start at.
She’s sitting in the terminal with the book on her lap, staring out into the airport and watching as people board and exit their flights.
“I loved that book,” a voice speaks up from next to her. It belongs to an old lady with gray hair and kind brown eyes. “It was such a beautiful love story. I heard it’s based on his actual hometown girlfriend.” The lady clicks her tongue and shakes her head. “Oh, that girl must be beating herself up now for leaving him.”
Betty starts crying.
She can’t help it. She’s been crying ever since she picked up the damn book and realized what an idiot she was. She knows that she made a mistake letting him go, she’s aware that she’s the dumbest person to walk the earth. She wishes she could take it all back, but she can’t and that’s what hurts the most. She doesn’t even know if things with Jughead will work out. If she goes to L.A. and it turns out that he doesn’t actually want her back then she might literally fall apart. She misses Jughead. She misses him so much that it physically hurts her. She had tried for so long to deny the ache she had felt for him, but she couldn’t do it anymore. She was tired of pretending.
“Would you believe me if I told you I was the girl?” She sniffles. “Would you believe me if I told you I left him?”
The old lady’s eyes widen. “Oh, dear. Are you really her?”
“Yeah,” she nods, still crying. “I wish I wasn’t and I wish I never had, but I did. I did and now all I have is this stupid book dedication.”
“You still love him,” the lady says.
“I do. I don’t think I ever stopped.”
“Then get him back,” she says fiercely. “The words written in that book are no joke. Those are the words of a boy who is so in love that he’d do anything for the woman. I wouldn’t give up just yet.”
“What if he doesn’t love me anymore? What if I’m too late?” She’s voicing all her concerns to a random lady she doesn’t know, but it still feels so good.
“Oh, child,” the lady chuckles, “there is no such thing as too late. If it’s true love, then it’ll wait. What’s meant to be will always come back. Now dry your eyes and tell me about your plan.”
Betty laughs and pats her eyes with her jacket sleeve before she begins talking.
She sits next to a teenage girl on the flight. Her book is still on her lap and the girl notices.
“I can’t believe she left him in the end,” the girl says to her softly. Betty doesn’t cry this time. Instead she just smiles.
“I bet you she’ll go back and fight for him,” is what she says to the girl before looking out of the airplane window. “If it’s meant to be then it’ll come back. And they were meant to be.”
Jughead stays quiet. It’s okay, she tells herself. She hadn’t expected him to jump into her arms afterwards or to even say anything at all.
“Betty…” he says before cutting himself off and shaking his head.
“I know it’s a lot,” she rushes out to say. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I needed you to know everything. You need to know that I still love you, Juggie. If you don’t love me then I understand, I won’t bother you again but I just needed you to know.”
“What do you expect me to say to this?” He asks, running a hand over his face in frustration. “I was ready to have a family with you and you just left me, Elizabeth. You left me without even letting me try to defend myself. I understand why you were upset, believe me I do, but you lashed out at me and left before I could even try to change your mind. Did I mean so little to you?”
“No!” She exclaims in disbelief. “I don’t know how to explain how I was feeling to you. I think a small part of me just wanted to fight with you. I wanted to have someone to be angry at and to feel what I was feeling.”
“That’s fucked up.”
“I know. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. I ruined both of our happinesses just because I was mad at the world and I’ll never forgive myself for it.”
Jughead stands up from the chair and looks down at her.
“You didn’t deserve what you were going through, but I didn’t deserve what you put me through either. I just wanted to be there for you.” He pauses. “I can’t forgive you, Betty. I want to, God, I want to forgive you. I want to tell you it’s okay and kiss you and make love to you to make up for all these years.”
“Then do it,” she cries, tears pooling over from her eyes.
“I can’t!” He yells out. “I can’t do any of that because every time I look at you all I can think of is the words you told me that night. I look at you and I get so mad I want to hit something, I want to go crazy. Do you see what you’ve done to me?”
Her heart breaks all over again at his words and she stays sitting there, crying.
“You make me so mad!” He says as he gets on his knees in front of her and places his hands on her shoulders, making her look at him. “You leave me and then come back into my life out of nowhere and tell me you love me? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you trying to hurt me?”
“I’m not, Juggie!”
“But you are!” And then a single tear rolls from his eyes. “My life was fine without you. I was fine. I was finally starting to feel okay. You’ve just ruined all of that.” He leans back onto his ankles, pulling his hands away from her. “I love you so much and I want you so bad, but I can’t trust you. You hurt me in a way that no one ever has before and I can’t go through that again.”
“You won’t have to,” she tries to promise.
“You don’t know that. I love you, Betty Cooper, but I can’t be with you.”
He stands up and once Betty sees that he’s leaving, she jumps up and runs to him.
“Jughead, wait!” She grabs onto his arm and stops him. “I love you. I’ve always loved you,” she cries to him.
He pauses, stares deep into her eyes and then pulls his arm away from her gently.
“I’m sure you do. You just didn’t love me when it mattered.”