it makes sense in my head

Due to the recent uprise of realization that Stevonnie is waaayyyy over-sexualized, I’ve decided to redesign them!! Not only to look more human (gem is covered) but to look more like a kid and like an actual mash-up of Steven and Connie

I used the perfect hexcode middle of Steven and Connie’s skin colours, I gave them the outfits of Steven and Connie from that episode, covering more of their skin so that they are the actual outfits and not just sort-of them

I shortened their hair because it was really long, and Steven’s hair is cropped close to his head, while Connie’s is only mid-back, so having their hair near their thighs didn’t make much sense to me

I’ve also made them just the tiniest bit chubbier because they were a tad too thin for someone as chubby as Steven, even fusing with a thin girl like Connie wouldn’t result in a stick person

thanks to @badstevenuniversescreencaps for reblogging posts about Stevonnie’s rampant oversexualization, and bringing it to my attention.


How they’re introduced is much different too, in this redesign. Rather than sitting on the beach running their hand up their leg (creeeepy) they form standing, much like Garnet in The Answer. They’re confused, and they look around, see Steven’s shoe, and pick it up. They realize they’ve fused, they romp around a bit, then go tell the gems

The episode would be generally the same from there, up until they go into the Big Donut.

Lars and Sadie both semi-recognize them, and are silent as they order their donuts, Lars maybe saying something like “I think I’ve seen you around before” They laugh, and say “No, I’ve only been here for a few minutes” then leave

The rest is the same, Kevin flirts with them, they get mad, saying “Ew, back off you creep” or something of that nature, dance like crazy, unfuse, and have tons of fun

“Haha Satare you get around so much it’s kind of amazing.”

“Th∀t’s bec∀use it’s ∀n unhe∀lthy coping mech∀nism, J∀net.”

“Wh-”

“H∀ppy org∀sm chemic∀ls m∀ke my thinkp∀n stop scre∀ming for ∀ little bit ∀nd I’m ∀ble to feel v∀lid∀tion for something.”

“…You need a moirail.”

“Oh ∀bsolutely.”

I emailed him.

I didn’t want what I had to say to get lost in the sea of messages we send each other everyday. It’s important for him to be able to find it and read it again. There will be no doubt about where I stand, and how I feel. I added a couple of extra points. But basically, I just copy and pasted what I wrote on here and changed he to you. What do you guys think? Ugh. My head is a mess.


• I want things to work between us. I want that so badly.
• but I don’t want it to be because you’re grateful that I love you.
• because that makes no sense. You can’t be with someone because THEY love you. You have to be with someone because you choose to be with them. Because you have feelings for them. Because what they offer you is something that you really want/need.
• I love you. I really do. But I’d rather be alone than with someone who’s just with me because they feel bad for hurting me.
• like, maybe I didn’t really understand what you told me today?
• it felt amazing that you don’t want to break up with me, but I’m not sure I understand exactly why you want to stay.

Anyway… I guess that’s what I needed to say. I’m still fucking confused and I wish I could’ve said this all today, but we were out in public and I didn’t want to cry in public.

anonymous asked:

I'm not fucking kidding you I scrolled down and saw that about lollie having a baby March 16th and her name being odile and my heart literally skipped a beat. holy shit. like the surrogate theory made sense but I didn't, like, think about any of this seriously, you know? holy shit anna. holy shit. this isn't a coincidence

holy shit, anon, holy shit your message made me giggle :)))

I’ve never been too interested in the ‘babies and bearding’ aspect of the Js, I would so much rather focus on them and how they’re head over heels for each other. But I agree, this is super weird and it’s making me squirm because I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON! and usually i don’t care

What i don’t understand is, even if Lollie was a surrogate and carried both (unrelated) babies at the same time (which i suppose is possible with IVF), why in the hell would the babies’ names be so damn similar?

Did G hear the name Odile and liked it so much but couldn’t use it for obvious reasons, so found the next closest thing?

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???!

imma go drink now. Thanks for the message, darling :)

anonymous asked:

tara im a little obsessed with my ex :( how do i move on.

One time someone told me birds that drink out of contaminated ponds get sick, and remember that pond and never drink out of it again. And that’s how we should view our ex’s. We dated them, it didn’t work, and we learned and should move on. I don’t know why that analogy has stuck with me but it just makes sense in my head. My last relationship messed me up cause I ignored that advice but ultimately I remembered it and feel so much better moving forward. They are out of your life for a reason, so obsessing and looking into the past is just going to hinder you from being happy now and moving forward in your life. Go meet new people, do new things, get your mind off them in whatever way you can.

I’m So Scared To Say I’m Autistic

This is a kinda cri de coeur style post. I’m processing and my mind is all over the place, and writing is the only thing that grounds me and helps me to process what I’m feeling. Thank you for being a part of the process by reading it.

My ten year old son is autistic and for the first seven or so years of his life I was consumed with dealing with his needs; making him feel safe and loved and helping him to navigate this crazy world that made no sense and overwhelmed him. His behaviours were “classically autistic” - meltdowns, lashing out, self-harm (hitting his head), no/limited eye contact, selective deafness, minimum verbal usage and inability to string sentences together, etc: all the things that get noticed and get you forwarded on for diagnosis. He was diagnosed at five and a half years old.

As he’s got older, he has learned to cope with the unexpected better and his behaviours have reduced to “standard passing autistic/suppressed autism”. (Integrated mainstream school, socialising, fairly fluent communication, friendships, etc). He is getting through life as well as anyone could hope for him. I work very hard to make his home life easy and relaxing as I know the effort passing takes. 

Here’s the thing: as he is getting older I am realising that his traits and mine are so unbelievably similar it’s uncanny. Obviously I didn’t notice when he was younger because I was focused on him and my behaviours as a child weren’t “classic white, male, non-verbal autism”, because I’m a woman and nobody knew about autism when I was a child in the Seventies, let alone female autism. But now I see him thinking and feeling and behaving how I did, now I’ve spoken to autistic adults and read about their experiences and realised they are the same as mine, now I look back at my entire life and see all the behaviours and emotions that were/are autistic, I realise I’m autistic. I’m autistic!

All my life I’ve been called weird and crazy and asked if I’m on drugs. I’ve been naive, immature, confused, hurt, afraid, disappointed by people because I didn’t understand what they wanted or what I was doing or saying wrong or why they couldn’t see what was so obvious and important to me. I’ve found friendships and relationships incredibly confusing and draining. I don’t know what to say or when to say it, when I’m talking too much or not enough. I can talk about the surface stuff, the trivia, and I can talk about Issues Of the Day (politics, other non-threatening, non-personal stuff) but if you ask me to talk about myself or if you want to talk about your feelings, I freeze. Don’t know what to say, don’t know how to say it. Pat person on the back sympathetically. Don’t ask me about me, don’t expect me to look you in the eye, you might see into my soul. I can’t look people in the eye and talk about myself, I’ll shrivel up.

I go over and over in my mind before and after social exchanges, examining what they said for clues and checking that I responded appropriately and berating myself if I think I didn’t. I fall into formal speech and a monotone voice if I feel unsure of what I’m talking about. I cling too hard and expect too much, I hurt people by demanding more than they want to give and cutting them off because I think I’ve been wronged. I have withdrawn, hurt, from the world and live online instead because I don’t know what I am doing wrong and it’s too much hard work to keep feeling the disconnect between me and other people. I have long periods of emotional numbness because I don’t know what I’m feeling or I don’t feel anything and it takes days to work out what that unease inside me actually is. I erupt with fury or pain over things because I can’t feel the emotion building inside me or I do but I can’t turn it off and it builds and builds until I have to release it. Sometimes the build up is so sudden that I go from mildly put out to incandescent within a minute. I have such a strong sense of injustice if I think someone is being unfair, I can’t handle unfairness. Yet I would rather shred my own skin and crawl out of the husk and run away than deal with unpleasantness. I can’t stand emotional pain in myself or anyone else. I have had meltdown after meltdown since my teens but it was crying and throwing things and cutting self-harm, rather than lashing out so I just thought I wasn’t coping with life. Work exhausted me, I could never understand how people went out after work when all I wanted to do was lie on the sofa and tune out because my head was so full that it was spinning.

I hum and sing and whistle and talk to myself all day long, I have long monologues with people in my head. Some days I feel disjointed, like I’m not really here because I’m so caught up in my own world. I’m 45 year old, goddamn it! That’s NOT normal!

There are lots of sensory issues that I thought were just me being weird - tags that drive me mad, textures that are almost orgasmic, pressure is a big stim I never realised was a stim, sunlight makes me sneeze and I wear sunglasses a lot because sunlight is too bright, noises are too loud, smells too strong, etc. I have a really high threshold for pain and don’t realise how bad I am hurting until it’s really bad. I have a very low connection with my physical senses. I struggle with executive dysfunction where I have failed to achieve anything substantial with my life because of lack of consistency. One week I’ll be full of energy and fire to Do The Thing and then it will drain away and I’ll stare at the computer screen for days, numb and fuzzy headed and unable to string a sentence together. I’ll stop washing and bathing and eating because it doesn’t seem important and I’ll have to force myself to do it because I know I’m supposed to even though it’s meaningless to me at the time. Then my head will come back a week later and I’ll be back to “functioning” again. 

I could go on and on. My whole damn life I’ve hated myself and struggled and felt like a failure. And all this time, there was a reason. Nobody knew, not even me. I tried and tried to understand and change myself; I did counselling and self-help, I read books, I went on courses, I paid money to improve myself and yet still I can’t make myself think or react differently. I still care too much and hurt too long and get angry over “nothing” too often and I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD. And now I realise why. I really am an alien. I really am different. I wasn’t imagining it and everyone else was right.

I keep crying. I keep breaking out in sudden tears. I thought I’d be relieved but instead I feel an overwhelming sense of shock and sadness because I realise that I AM NOT WHO I THOUGHT I WAS. I have lived my life bearing the self-imposed identity of “Failure” and I felt I deserved it. I deserved to feel like shit and have a shit life because I didn’t have the energy and motivation and discipline to do better. Now I am questioning everything. If I’m not a failure, if I have a reason for feeling so disconnected from everyone else, if I let go of the measuring stick, what do I do then? Who am I? What does this mean for me?

I’m not diagnosed. I have asked for referral and my GP is looking to see what she can offer me as an adult on the NHS (England). But I believe I am autistic. I feel it in the very core of my soul. It’s the only thing that makes sense out of this huge cloud of confusion and trauma that has left me mentally scarred and desperately unhappy all my life. But to actually call myself autistic? To come out and claim the identity…. that’s scary. I’m afraid. I’m afraid my family and friends will accuse me of looking for a label to excuse my issues (this has happened before), I’m afraid people will think I’m being overly dramatic (this has happened before), I’m afraid I’m not autistic and I’ll be exposed as a fraud. I’m afraid I’ll offend autistic people by appearing to be “acting/claiming autism” because it’s better to be autistic than admit I’m useless. I’m afraid I’m over-identifying with my son because I’m highly suggestible, I’m afraid of being accused of jumping on the bandwagon.

I’m afraid to take on autism as an identity, not because I don’t want to but because I don’t feel entitled to. What right have I to say I am when I have no diagnosis?

And so I’m scared. I’m really scared. But I’m going to do it anyway. I think I’m autistic. I know I’m autistic. I feel I’m autistic. I’m autistic. I’m outing myself as autistic and let the chips fall where they may.

anonymous asked:

How are you so positive? I try to be but then I just think about that pregnancy spoiler and lose any positively I have. Teach me your ways.

aw, nonnie. I’m not quite sure, I try and read the spoilers and then put them to one side and not dwell on them too much otherwise I’d probably be very down about it. My focus is always on robron and how strong their love is for each other.

I know this storyline is shit, I hate it and I think it’s incredibly lazy, but for me I’m not going to let whatever is canon ruin robron for me.. if that makes sense? like yes this storyline is inevitably happening and there’s nothing I can do about that but once it’s over I’m going to disregard it from robert and aaron’s story because it doesn’t fit for me. I know that might sound slightly weird but although Emmerdale created these characters, they and their story exist in my head how I want it to… I’m not sure if I’m making sense but basically I refuse to let Emmerdale’s shoddy writing ruin my love for this couple 💙

In regards the pregnancy speculation, really try not to focus on it. We know very very little and it could be a number of characters. Until we get further information on it try and set it from your mind and focus on Aaron coming home. Speculation is the root of all evil, trust me ☺️

Always here if you want to discuss anything, nonnie. Hope you’re having a nice evening :)

When I was young, I could not for the life of me understand the notion of turning the other cheek. As a demonstration of and commitment to moral superiority, yes. But that was it. With the Holocaust as the single most impressive fact of my existence, I was impassioned by the justice and necessity of self-defense. And I still am.

But then, at around forty years of age, I was on a book tour, which is a very stressful thing for a private person. A man roughly the age my fatMher would have been had he lived to that point approached me as I signed books. He slowly shook his head left and right, and said, “How can a young man like you, who writes such wonderful books, possibly be a Republican?”

Granted, it is an unusual combination, but not because it doesn’t make sense. As I am used to debate, there were many things I could have said. I could have been indignant and angry. I could have crushed him in rebuttal and counterattack. But I remembered my father, and, seeing a resemblance, I merely smiled and let him feel that he had gotten the best of me. Then an amazing thing happened, that in all my life I hadn’t understood. A feeling of holiness and humility possessed me. It wasn’t pride or self-satisfaction—I know those sins only too well. It came entirely from without, and was very much like when I was almost dying (or dying and didn’t die). It was not only a protective aura, but what Judaism refers to as kodesh, or holiness, which can only be fully understood once it is experienced. In the code of the samurai it is called shin’bu, “suffering without protest,” accepting mistreatment and injustice when one must, without complaint. It gives rise to holiness just as in turning the other cheek. That quality is a gift given when we surrender our powers of action in recognition of and trust in God.

—  Mark Helprin 

officialtokyosan  asked:

sorry the answer i sent got cut off but kojirou's profile implies that he sees himself as evil. and in the nasuverse, characters' views on themselves can influence their actual alignment.

Oooooohhhhhhhhhh. Now everything makes sense. If the sense of self of each Erei or Wraith (in Sasaki Kojiro’s case) is factored in, the alignment of every one that was successfully summoned as a Servant I’m familiar with makes sense. Many thanks @officialtokyosan! My head is no longer in danger of imminent explosion. 👍

Now if only someone could explain why Enjou Tomoe’s origin is “worthless” rather than “low self-worth.”  *slowly turning head towards @ronriii*

  • Will: I couldn't be happier right now
  • Nico: I could....
  • Will: FINE we'll stop by McDonald's