it makes my cry even harder

I feel like this is an appropriate picture. I’m going through some shit right now but I’m really coming out of it.

I’m also realizing that I will be okay. I mean people say that, right? It will be okay. You’ll be okay. Yeah, but once you really feel it, when you really know you’ll be okay, you can look forward. I reached that point this weekend.

So I signed up for the 50m yesterday because I was hoping it would help me or at least make my brain shut up. After crying the first loop; it did.

By the way, sunrise dark, plus roots, plus teary eyes makes not falling even harder.

So in the interest of not being vague, Brian and I have decided to separate and we’re seeing a therapist. We have already had some really productive and healthy dialogue so we’re optimistic. It is difficult right now but I finally realized I will be okay.

anonymous asked:

Headcannon a for Tsuna, Hibari, Mukuro & Reborn with a chubby / voluptuous s/o ??


~This drove me nuts. I had no idea what to do so I just let my fingers move on their own. I hope this is okay, anon.~

admin adelheid


  • The life of a Don was hard. It was filled with battle hardened people, hard facts and even harder decisions. That was why Tsuna chose you to be his only one.
  • Just coming home to you at the end of a particularly grueling day was a relief in and of itself.
  • The smile you meet him at the door with even though sometimes all you wanted to do was cry at the war torn expression on his face makes him realize that while he was here with you he can leave the Mafia out of his walls even if it was just for one night.
  • It hurt him sometimes how you would hide your suffering behind your bright smiles just to save him the pain.
  • But having him hug you from behind in a tight embrace and allowing himself to drown in your curvy softness soothed both your torments away.
  • It is… certainly unexpected for the Vongola don to not choose the kind of woman his compatriots preferred as his significant other. Most of the other dons around him paid escorts and mistresses to retain their slim, willowy figures and parade them around like golden trophies like symbols of conquests or spoils of war. But not Tsuna.
  • Tsuna didn’t need trophies or symbols of conquest. Just being the Vongola Decimo was enough to declare what kind of accomplishments he’s made. He didn’t need a mistress or a paid escort. What he needed was a woman who would love him for a lifetime without doubt or question. And you gave him that.
  • He wanted a devoted mother to his children with a full bosom to give them their milk, not a wife who was selfish of her body and who entrusted his cubs to maids.
  • He wanted a lioness who will control the Famiglia in his stead while he was away; not a vixen who will only cause trouble while he was gone.
  • He loves your loyalty and faithfulness dearly. It would show in the way he treated you. Pulling out your chair for you himself. Opening doors for you on his own. You had become the envy of every woman in the Mafia underworld and then some. His queen in every sense of the word.
  • You are his mate, his partner, his friend.
  • You are his plushy shelter from the storm.


  • He had never been the kind of man who noticed a woman solely for her physical charms. Beauty, grace, wit… These all came aplenty along with the women who tried to tempt him with their allure.
  • But all these women lacked the things you have.
  • Honor.
  • Courage.
  • A strong Will.
  • While these women fainted and wept at the sight of blood you would pull up your sleeves and clean it.
  • While these women sneered at the news of men who died for honor you wept on their graves.
  • They mock you for your weight and the fact that you would never be placed on the cover of Vogue Magazine but that was alright with Kyoya. He didn’t like sharing his beloved with other people anyway.
  • He willingly let go of the hard handles of his tonfa to hold you in his arms and bury his face in your bountiful bosom for comfort.
  • He would take long, leisurely naps on the softness of your lap.
  • You gave him more than just touches, you have built him a nest. A place to roost in safety after a day or weeks of living a hard life filled with danger and violence.
  • You were more than just a herbivore.
  • You were home.


  • It felt as though he had spent a lifetime wandering the world alone.
  • Cold and miserable and suspicious. Always wary of any raised hand that threatened him and his.
  • And then you come along with your welcoming arms and comforting hug and he was lost.
  • He didn’t think he would ever be so wanted.
  • He didn’t think he would ever be so loved.
  • A stray cat, rejected even by his former masters was being cradled on your bountiful chest without judgement, without blame.
  • Sometimes he would ask himself what he did to deserve you. How did he get so lucky as to gain your unwavering affection?
  • You took his malice astride with a slight pinch of the cheek and a kiss.
  • You allowed him to curl up on your lap and nap away even if he comes home covered in the blood of others.
  • When you stroke his hair as he sleeps he claims the caress drove his demons away.
  • With you he did not need to be cynical.
  • With you the madness was held at bay.
  • The world that you created for him every time he returned to you needed no illusions to make it perfect…


  • One little known fact about Reborn was the fact that he loved big breasts. It was what drew him to you.
  • He loved sneaking up on you from behind and fondling them in his hands while he buried his face on your nape.
  • He loved the cushiony feel of your body against his hard one whenever he presses against you.
  • It never fails to excite him whenever you grind your rear against his crotch when he’s rubbing against you.
  • He loved the fact that you would never deny him anything.
  • He could never understand what you saw in him.
  • Why you never questioned or batted an eyelash at the gun beneath his pillow.
  • Why he never saw your beautiful eyes cloud in judgment whenever he came home smelling of death and blood.
  • All you did was meet him on the foyer, give him a quick once over and almost faint against the living room wall in relief that he was not injured in any way.
  • The first time he came home with you acting like this he knew he was in love.
  • Reborn never told you anything but you always knew. And he was well aware of that.
  • You are loving without being clingy, demanding without being a nag and generous to a goddamned fault.
  • These traits of yours and more often leave him speechless.
  • Someday, maybe someday, Reborn would promise himself as he slept while holding you tightly in his arms. He would tell you he was a monster.
  • Someday, maybe someday. He would be strong enough to see if you were capable of any hate in your kind, kind heart…

“sexting with a writer”

I choose my words carefully because I want them to wrap around and drape over her gently like the silk sheets I wan to get lost in with her later.
I want your voice to be the last thing I hear before I fall asleep every night, I want to listen to your song on repeat, your moans, you crying out for me, I want to imagine it as beautiful as he way your voice makes it sound.
I want to thank you everyday for coming into my life
i think I’d thank you even more with your hand around my neck.
I want to cuff you to this bed until you’re shaking and breathing heavy so that I can show you the happiness and pleasure you give me everyday beyond my control.
don’t tell me you want it harder
tell me you want all of me and to feel everything I have and I won’t hold back.
I want to trace my fingers around every inch of your body.. creating a map and
x marks the time in your life that you thought you weren’t beautiful enough.
let me taste you so I can taste every lie you’ve ever told when you said “I’m fine”
I promise ill use my hands, my body, my mouth, my words, everything and anything I have until I can prove to you that that you’re the most incredible creature this world has ever seen.
25 things I learnt in the midst of my suffering
1- when push comes to shove you always only have yourself.
2- Those who promised to always be by your side through thick and thin are going to leave.
3- No boy is going to swoop in to come and save you, when it doesn’t work out you will be left crying harder than before on your bathroom floor.
4- You’re going to want to give up, but don’t.
5- Quit holding back, say what you need to even if you make a dick out of yourself at least you know you tried.
6- Put down the fucking bottle, why are you doing this to yourself? Do you really think drinking yourself unconscious is going to help.
7- Other people’s opinions do not define who you are, don’t let what they say about you get you down.
8- It’s okay to want attention but don’t go exploiting yourself for it.
9- Stop putting on an act for everyone, you don’t have to pretend every moment you’re around people to be happy, all you are doing is damaging yourself even more.
10- Your mood is going to go up and down, let it. Feel whatever the hell you’re feeling.
11- It’s okay to take a few days off school for your mental health, you come first, education second.
12- Love isn’t the way media portrays it to be, there is no happily ever afters only a broken heart and damaged trust.
13- You are not your depression or anxiety. It does not define you. There is so much more to you than the mess inside your head.
14- As you get older you’ll notice more people starting to leave, let them. You never need someone who doesn’t need you.
15- You don’t have to be like her for someone to love you, the right person will love you for who you are.
16- Not everyone’s intentions are good always remember that.
17- It’s not the end of the world just because a boy left you.
18- Never wear your heart on your sleeve, unless you want to get taken for granted.
19- Get up even when you don’t want to, get in the shower, life goes on.
20- Just cry, stop being so ashamed of your emotions, let it out, if you feel like you’re needing to hold it back you’re with the wrong people.
21- Don’t push people away because you’re scared, you can’t expect everyone to come running back.
22- Friends lie, boyfriends cheat, your parents will break you, it’s all apart of life.
23- Don’t beat yourself up to much over one bad grade, you are doing the best you can.
24- If you’re waiting for your phone to light up turn it off and leave it off for awhile, your unnecessarily breaking your heart every minute that goes by without their name coming up.
25- Try not to let fear paralyse you too much. Life is about taking chances.
—  B.L letters I never sent
Avengers Preference- Them finding out you’re getting bullied


Tony was the best brother you could ever ask for and he always knows how to make things better and make all the hurting go away.
He went into your room to tell you that dinner was ready when he saw you on your bed, head dropped low and crying your eyes out.
“Whats wrong monkey?” he asked you as he sat next you.
“A stupid boy at school asked me out as a joke and I really liked him and now it just feels like a thousand daggers into my heart” you told him as you started to cry even harder.
Tony got up and grabbed your hands smiling a bit.
“If thats what your sad about then you need to listen to me okay. No guy should ever make you feel bad, there are some good ones out there but a lot of them are douche bags.” He said as he lifted your chin up and you both started to smile together.
“And you know if it continues we do have friends who are super soldiers, demigods and master assassins.” He told you both left your room for dinner.


Clint was a master assassin after all and could always find things out even before you knew that he knew.
You read over the last message your fuck head of a boyfriend had just sent you and you started to cry believing every word.
“He’s a dick” you heard Clint say from the coach behind you, though you swear you never heard him come in.
You turned around and looked at him with sad eyes.
Him expression softened as he walked over to you pulling you into a hug so tight you thought you’d die.
“He’s not worth a single tear okay, you are a beautiful and smart girl who deserves way better than that shit pile” he told you making you feel a bit better.
“Also I might know who he is and might have some very important people give him a very important talk any minute” he said giving you a wink.
Dammit, Barton.


Steve was one of your best friends and would always look out for you no matter what.
One day he went to pick you up from high school when he saw you trip and fall face first right into the ground.
He was walking over to help you when he heard a group of about 4 or 5 starting to laugh and mimic what had just happened. Steve was having none of it and walked right up to the group.
“Is everything a joke to you?” he asked the group making them feel a bit scared with the way he stood.
“Well yeah of course it’s funny I mean, the clumsy bitch tripped over her own feet and ate shit.” One of the not so intelligent boys of the group boasted.
Steve looked over to you seeing how hurt that made you feel and turned back to the group.
“You better watch what you say next time son, and you all better not make fun of y/n ever again.” He warned the group.
You saw this almost in tears thinking about how lucky you were to have a friend like Steve and walked up to him.
“Thank you, Steve.” You told him as you both left the school grounds.
And the look on their faces when they realised that ‘Steve’ was the actual Steve Rogers was priceless.

The Twins

The twins and you were extremely close, you loved each other so much and were always there to help with anything, especially since their powers were a big advantage.
They went to pick you up from school one day after you’d finished one of your last exams for year 12, when they saw you coming out of one of the classrooms on the second floor.
They watched you go down the stairs and could see that girls were following you and were obviously saying mean things to you, but they couldn’t really make out what they were saying until Wanda read their minds.
You’ll never get a boyfriend
Who would ever want to date you?
You’re such a loser
Wanda couldn’t handle it anymore and started to get a head ache.
“Whats wrong Wanda.” Pietro asked his sister as slowly walked over to them.
Suddenly Wanda had a great idea and whispered into Pietro’s ear.
“Those girls were making fun of y/n for being single, so since its one of her last days here you should pretend to be her boyfriend.” Wanda told Pietro.
Pietro had no problem with that, he had liked you for a little while now; so as you walked over to them Pietro gave you quick, but passionate, kiss on the lips, which left the group of girls gob smacked. The last few days of school weren’t so bad and Pietro and you really performed your roles well ;). 


Goooodddddd this is so hard to do. I want to cry. I know though, with this particular compulsion that if I do it, I’m just going to make things 1000x harder for myself. So I just. Need to not even start. I’ve got a new obsession and I just need to not even start. But god I can’t stop obsessing either. Sometimes I’m distracted, but any reminder has me just wrapped up in it again. 

When I missed you,
It was easier.
I had someone to think about,
I knew it was always you.
And no one else.
Having someone to think about,
Even if not always easy,
Is a good feeling.
Now I keep waking up
Every single morning
Knowing there is no one
I wish I was with.
That, that is harder.

Looking back now at all those times
When I tried to make an effort
To look better for you,
I feel like I should’ve known
That things which start
With one trying to persuade
The other never end well.

Despite this,
I can’t stop the crying now.
Because that’s what I do
When things end. I cry.
I cry when I see pictures
Of my older brother
Before I was born.
I cry when I see forgotten
Peluches covered in dust
And carillons whose music
Does not play anymore
Once you open them.
I cry when I see the cursive
Handwriting of my mother
And the messy one of children
Who are still learning.

I cry when I cannot help expecting
Certain things to happen.
Sometimes I wake up
Sure that I’m going to
Receive a phone call
I’ve been waiting for weeks.
Sure that I’m going
To find a bunch of flowers
On my doorstep
When I get home
In the evening.
A mile-long letter
In my mailbox ending
With a ‘I can’t live without you,
So I’m taking you back now’
I expect
I hope for things
I know I’m not going to get
At least not on that day
Not with that person
And the bittersweetness
That follows
Swallows me whole.

I had always thought
That I would make a toast
To the first movie I watched without you
To the first dream you weren’t a part of
To the first song that I heard on the radio
And had nothing to do with you.
To the first book I finished and didn’t
Feel like talking to you about
To the first pair of shoes I didn’t buy
With you in my mind.
All those things happened,
But the bottle of champagne
Remained corked
And I could not comprehend
The need to celebrate
I had for so long contemplated.

I had never known why the things
That make me the happiest
Are also the ones that
Leave me feeling emptied
Once they’re gone.
Then you came along
And you showed me.
I still feel sad
When I see something that I like
And I think that you can’t be there
To see it with me.
But at the same time
I know that if I was to look
At myself at the mirror,
I would still see you.
And you’d never understand.

I’m never going to be
One of those people
Who can just walk away
Saying ‘now you have to learn
How to be without me’.
It is not like I think
I am irreplaceable
But I can’t bring myself
To simply be gone.
Because what if.
Yes, what if they realize
They need me as much as
I need them.
What if they fall down
And cannot get back
On their feet
Without my outstretched hand.
I know they won’t.
But what if.

I just had to accept
That some things will never happen
Because their time is gone.
I wasn’t the prettiest girl in high school.
I never skipped my morning class
To read a book at the sea.
No one ever called a radio station
To request a song for me.
No one ever wrote
My name on a wall.
I was no one’s ever first love.
None of these happened.
But this doesn’t mean
Other things won’t.

Some evenings
It is more difficult
To believe it
But I want to try
And be happy
About what has been
Because it means
That it was beautiful.
And you were, too.
My goodness, yes.
You always were.

—  The forgotten celebration

Do you think Hawke and Varric ever sit next to each other in companionable silence

And Hawke is thinking, “I’m so lucky that I met Varric and that he still wants to be my friend even with all the bullshit I drag him through and how much of a fuckup I am. I gotta make sure I try harder to deserve this friendship" 

While Varric is thinking "I’m so lucky that I met Hawke and they still want to be my friend even though I fucked up their life and I’m a pain in the ass. I gotta make sure I try harder to deserve this friendship”

I’m having tough time with trying to forget my ex who cheated on me
And that realllyyyyy makes my dieting even harder bc all I want is to cry and overeat…
Just saying..

I know I shit-post about myself a lot on this blog and that’s not what anyone wants but I just want to take a moment to talk to you all. Since I’m feeling grateful about reaching 100 followers.

Life has been kicking me down more then it ever has. I lost 2 of my cats within the same week very recently. My mental health has never been the best which makes that loss even harder, I struggle a lot to function most days.

And this blog within the past month or so has picked up pace, I interact now and people know me a little on here and that’s such a far cry from what it was for months. This blog has become an escape, a way of coping I guess, which might not be the healthiest thing but ya know, I’m trying my best.

This is the first fandom I’ve posted writing for and it’s still nerve wracking each time but there’s always at least one person who seems to like it and that means a lot to me. You’ve given me a bit of confidence in how I view my writing, that no one ever has and I can’t thank you enough for that.

I’m sticking around for stranger things, but every time I’m feeling at the end of my line, I happen to see a nice comment from one of you or a happy tag made on something I posted and it helps just a little bit. I stick around for this blog too, because of you all.

Thank you for supporting my writing, for supporting this blog and all that comes with it, for interacting with me and putting up with my nonsense. I’m awkward but I really do care and wish for the best for you all and want to make this blog a good experience for everyone and I hope that shows.

I’m rambling, but thanks for giving me something to smile about each day. Thank you, to each person who took the time to click follow.

- Emma

honestly? i can’t even begin 2 describe how got7 make me feel? like ya i know ppl like 2 dismiss it as “oh just kpop lol it isnt that deep” but like. it really is that deep 4 me. got7 genuinely make me want 2 better myself and work harder and push my limits and they bring so much joy and happiness into my life TT like haha yea it’s sooo funny 2 go “flop7” and call them talentless completely ignoring and discrediting the ridiculous amount of love and effort they put into their music??? and don’t even get me started on how much they care for their fans im emo

[Mark] Teacher's Pet (Chapter 67)

All Chapters

For some inexplicable and strange reasons, I do believe him. I don’t know why, maybe because I’m desperate, maybe because part of me thinks that wouldn’t make sense, maybe because it’s true. Suddenly all my emotion strength is drained from my body. I burst into tears, tired of this whole fucked up situation. I place my forehead on the door and sob uncontrollably, my whole body shaking. Mark pulls out of me, and the mix of our releases drips down my legs. I whine, the uncomfortable sensation making me cry even harder. I hear Mark zipping himself up, and the his hands are on my hips again, and he turns me around. My knees buckle under me as I threaten to crumble, but he catches me, wrapping his arms around and cradling me against his chest.

“Shhhh.” He whispers soothingly,caressing my hair. His warmth engufles me, and I’m even more desperate to get out of this situation. I wish all of this never happened, I whish the world would go away, leaving us alone.

“I’m here, baby. It’s all over now, it’s okay.” He murmurs, picking me up in his arms. I wrap my arms and legs around him, clinging tightly, never wanting to let go. “I didn’t fuck Andy.” I whisper in the crook of his neck as he carries me out of my room.

“I didn’t have sex with him, I just wanted to hurt you.” I confess, and I hear a long, deep sigh on relief.

“It’s over, now. It’s okay.” He runs a comforting hand down my back, and my crying appease itself a little.

“Will you let me explain?” He asks as we enter the bathroom. I sniffle as he drops my naked butt on the cold marble of the vanity unit.

“Yes.” I reply. I should have listened in the first place, despite the hurt and the anger. It would have saved us all this drama.

“Thank you.” He murmurs, pulling away from me. I lift my gaze and find his brown eyes looking down at me tenderly. He bends and drops a soft kiss on my swollen lips. After he pulls away I watch him undress himself until we’re both naked. He starts the shower picks me back up in his arms, giving me one of our koala bear showers. After he rinses the shampoo out of my hair, he pulls my face down to his, and I open my eyes to look at him.

“We’re going to be fine, baby. I won’t let you go.” He murmurs softly. My heart warms up a little at this promise.

“Don’t leave me again.” I plead, brushing my lips against his cheek and nuzzling his neck.

“Never.” He whispers, running a hand down my bare and wet back. “I love you.” He says. My heart stops, my breath caught in my throat. He love me. Does it mean he doesn’t love her? He held her like he needed her. He loves me but he needs her? Do I say the words back? I do love him. That’s basically why I feel like my heart is being crushed and trampled on. But do I want to put it on the line again?

“Abigirl!” Andy’s voice booms from downstairs, and I tense considerably. Shit. He’s back. What do I do? What do I say to him? What do I say to Mark? I feel him bristle against me. Oh, crap. I have no idea how to handle this.

“Just. Fucking. Perfect.” He mutters.

“I love you too.” I whisper in his ear before kissing his temple. He freezes for a second, then turns his head to look at me with fond and tender eyes.

“Hold on tight.” He orders. I curl my limbs around his body and hold on tight, and then he lifts us off the floor, turning the water off and placing my damp body back on the vanity unit. He proceeds towels and dries my hair while I wonder how he’s going to react with Andy.

“I’m going to get you some clothes. You stay here, I don’t want that prick seeing you like this.” He says. From his words and his tone, I have a brief glimpse of what the interaction will be. I nod quietly and he strides out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel, leaving no wonder to whoever will see about what we’ve been doing.

I hear their muffled voices, but I can’t distinguish their words. I place my ear on the door, but they’re just too far from me.

“Fuck off.” I hear Mark distinctly. He’s close. I quickly hop back on the vanity unit a second before he opens the door.

“Ah, so friendly, the cheater!” Andy calls after him. Mark grumbles something about rude kids before closing the door. He dresses me up in a T-shirt of his that I kept here and long sweatpants and a black chocker, effectively covering me from head to toe. I guess his point is to hide my body from Andy’s eyes. He asks where my parents are and I explain the situation, earning nothing but a stiff nod.When we’re both fully clothed, we walk out of the bathroom and into my bedroom, where we find Andy pacing up and down. He stops when he sees us and his stunned, golden eyes find mine.

“Abigail, what the fuck?!” He uses the same tone I used when I scolded him this morning.

“Noisy ass motherfucker.” Mark mutters next to me.

“Abigail, we need to talk.” Andy ignores him, thank god.

“Right now is not a good moment.” I wince a little. I really want to hear what Mark has to say, I want this drama to be over.

“I know, but it’s urgent. Please.” He says, a little bit more softly. I glance up at Mark, who doesn’t like he’s going to kill him yet.

“Okay.” I reply, and Mark’s head whirls to mine.

“I’m not leaving you alone with him.” He utters.

“Insecure much?” Andy teases with an arched brow. If he wasn’t so good looking all cocky and smirking, I’d crush his face in the wall.

“I don’t know what’s keeping me from castrating you. Or kill you.” Mark grinds out. Andy throws his head back and barks out a laugh.

“Man, there’s no worries, if-”

“You don’t ‘man’ me.” Mark snaps. Andy giggles a little and hols his palms in the air.

“Sir, if I wanted her back, I’d already have tried.” He say, trying to sound reassuring.

“Back?” Mark asks. I pinch the bridge of my nose. This is exactly what I need.

“Didn’t she tell you? I’m her first boyfriend.” Andrew says, and I’d accuse him of being too cocky and provoking, but he’s telling the truth.

“What?” Mark barks.

“Andy, stop being a little shit. We were in sixth grade.” I explain, but it doesn’t seem to appease Mark.

“Little fucker.” He mutters. Oh, for the love of god. He’s not going to hate my primary school boyfriend, is he?

“Andy’s gay.” I say, hoping to finally make him less suspicious and hateful towards my friend.

“I still don’t like him.” He snaps. I roll my eyes at him. He is honestly ridiculous, even jealous of gay guys. It almost makes me smile.

“I’m just looking out for my girl.” Andy says.

“She’s my girl, okay?” Mark practically growls. Andy gasps and his eyes widen.

“Meow!” He makes a scratching motion with his hand, and I bite back a laugh. Yes. Mark is a wild kitten. I need to end this.

“I’ll be back in a second.” I tell Mark and walk out of my bedroom, leaving the door open for Andy. He meets me at the top of the stairs, and he’s playful gaze has turned into one of worry.

“You sure about this?” He enquires. I shrug.

“I haven’t heard him yet.” I confess.

“You fucked before he even spoke?” He says reproachfully.

“How do you-” I bite the question back, it’s pointless, I’m sure I look freshly fucked. “Like you can talk.” I snap, effectively shutting him up.

“He knows nothing happened between you and me, and he didn’t fuck the woman.” I explain.

“Are you sure about that?” He arches a brow. I nod convincingly. He takes a deep breath, and then sighs.

“He’s crazy, Abigail.” He says. I know. God, I know.

“Only when something threatens our relationship. He’s not abusive or violent towards me, I promise.” I say reassuringly.

“I don’t want to leave knowing you’re with some psycho.” He murmurs.

“He’s not violent, Andy. I swear.” I press. “You know me. Do you think I’d give myself to a man who threatens my safety?” I ask.

“Right.” He sighs, before taking me in his arms. He gives me a big bear hug, almost my dad’s level. “I’m saying good bye, Abigail.” He says into my hair.

“What?” I look up at him. A strange feeling tugs at my heart.

“I’m going back to Chicago.” He says.

“No, your not.” I retort, delusionally. “You didn’t see mom and dad yet. We didn’t even hang out.” I argue.

“I really can’t stay. That thing with Bea…” He voice trails off.

“But…” I stare up at him, lost and disappointed.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry. I wanted to explain, so I drove to her house, and we just fucked in my car.” He says. No way! They did it again?!

“I live in Chicago, she has a boyfriend, and I am gay. We’re better off without each other.” He says. No shit, Captain Obvious!

“But when there’s no physical distance, I can’t resist. I need to go before I hurt her again.” He adds.

“I mean, see how angry I was when he cheated on you. How do you think I feel about myself, right now?” He asks. It’s true they both cheated on their special ones right after Mark cheated on me. My rational side knows he’s right, but the sadness I feel about him going is stronger.

“Stay.” I plead. “Stay, Andy. You can come back and live in LA, you’re nineteen. There’s a room for you here.” I say.

“I know. I’ll come back again, once I’ve figured my shit out.” He replies, holding me at arms length. He bends and it’s only at this moment I notice his tiny travel bag on the top stair.

“Stay.” I beg.

“I’m sorry, Abigail.” He grabs the back of my head and kisses my forehead. “Please go talk to Bea when you’re done with your boyfriend. Tell her I’m sorry, and it’s okay to hate me.” He murmurs. I nod, the lump in my throat making me mute.

“The apple juice is in the fridge.” He says, and I nod again.

“It was good to see you.” He murmurs before kissing my cheek. I want to tell him the same thing, but I feel too sad to do so. I watch as he walks down the stairs. He turns and gives me last look and a smile before leaving for good, taking one of my deepest sighs with him. This won’t do. I’m going to have to see him more. I had no idea I had missed him so much.

“He left.” I declare once I’m back in my room.

“Will you tell me who the fuck he is?” Mark crosses his arms over his chest, sitting down on my bed.

“A childhood friend. He lives in Chicago now.” I explain.

“Tell me now, Mark. Just how lowly do you think of me?” I ask him, and he frowns.

“It took me months to surrender to you, to give you my body. You think I’m the type to sleep around? You think I’d cheat on you?” I ask, all the frustration and hurt from all the times he accused me resurfacing.

“He answered the door half naked, and he was all cocky and shit. And you accused me of fucking her, too. Made me fucking furious.” He retorts.

“You kissed her, Mark. Kisses result from attraction, and attraction leads to sex. It was totally legitimate. You, you just barged in and insulted me. I trusted you and you betrayed me, but you, you don’t even trust me at all.” I counter.


“What are you doing with me if you think I’m a slut?” I ask.

“A slut?!” He utters.

“That’s exactly what you accused me of.” I snap.

“No!” He cries, rising form my bed. “I was just furious. It hurt me to see you with him. It hurt me and it made mad, I wasn’t thinking straight, I swear.” He takes a few steps towards me. “I know you’re loyal, and that you’d break up with me if you ever wanted anyone else.” He says. I stay silent, because I don’t understand how he could doubt me.

“Just seeing him. Just seeing you with him…ah, fuck.” He mutters, running his hand in his hair. He stops and sighs, sitting back down on my bed with his head in his hands, his elbows on his knees.

“I was supposed to meet a potential buyer for your car, and it turned out to be Ellie.” He says. Oh, he’s jumping right into it. I almost sway in surprise, and brace myself for the rest of the story.

“I was surprised, and so was she. She said she needed to buy a car real fast, some last minute birthday gift. And I really wanted to get rid of it. I had messed up big time with that gift.” He says.

“I showed her the car, and we went for a ride. We started talking and she blurted that she wanted me back.” He explains. Well, that’s given. But that would mean he hadn’t been cheating before. It lifts this weight off my heart.

“I told her she couldn’t have me, but she said she’ll get me back anyway. She started talking about the past, she said we were perfect together and I was happy with her.” He adds, before looking at me.

“Ellie’s a very mischievous woman, she had that sly look. She would have done things to broke us up, I knew it. I just didn’t want that. You know what happens in books and movies, right?” He says. I nod, prompting him to continue.

“When she said she’d let me go if I let her kiss me and told her I didn’t feel a thing, I jumped on the occasion.” He confesses, looking back down.

“It was stupid of me. I should have said no and warned you she’d try to break us up.” He sighs.

“Bea says you kissed her back.” I retort. There’s a difference between letting someone kiss you and kissing that person like I saw him kiss her. He lifts his eyes to mine, his eyebrows scrunched together.

“I didn’t.” He says sternly.

“You had your hand in her hair, and she says she saw you kiss her back.” I wrap my arms around myself in a protecting manner. If he doesn’t have an argument against this, then I’m done.

“I didn’t.” He repeats.

“So, she’s lying?” I snap.

“No, she’s telling what she saw. And she saw wrong.” He says. I close my mouth.

“She saw wrong. I tried to buck her back gently, but she was like a fucking sucker. I was going to pull her hair when Bea arrived.” He explains. I replay the scene in my head. This is believable.

“I just wanted to get rid of her. Her and the car. You were going to move in with me, I didn’t want that for us.” He says. “I didn’t feel a thing when she kissed me, you have to believe me. She means nothing to me. I just really wanted to get rid of her, I shouldn’t have done that.”

He sighs, and there’s a long pause. He closes is eyes as if he was trying to brace himself for the impact of his own words. When he opens them, they’re pained and sad.

“And then when you told me you slept with that guy, it was like a part of me had died.” He murmurs. My heart twists and sinks. I hurt him. He looked for it, but I still hate that I’ve hurt him.

“I got drunk, and I called her.” He says. My heart stops. “I kissed her.” Tears spring to my eyes. He kissed her. He didn’t let her kiss him. He. Kissed. Her. He must notice them because he jumps up and walks to me, closing the gap between us and gently cupping my face in his hands.

“I tried to feel something, but it was just pain. I kept thinking about you. Even drunk, I can’t escape you.” His voice dies in a whisper. I stare at him with my watery eyes.

“Baby, you have to believe me. I jumped back the second our lips touched.” He murmurs.

“I told her I was sorry for doing this and she drank a little with me. And then I passed out.” He says. He passed out? No sex?

“I woke up with her in my bed, and I freaked out.” He explains.

“Why?” I breathe.

“During the night I dreamt it was you. I was even more than a dream, it was you in my arms at night. And then it was her.” He says.

“She was in my T-shirt, I thought she had set it all up to make me think we fucked and later tell me I got her pregnant.” He adds.

“Even if she was in my T-shirt. I knew nothing had happened. Even if I had wanted to have sex with her, you made it impossible for my body to react to any one else but you.” He murmurs. “She said I threw up all over my clothes and hers, and she had a hard time getting my ass in bed.” He explains.

“Then I saw your key in a kitchen. And I knew I had fucked up again.” He whispers. We stare at each other for a moment, and I’m confused, to many information at once bouncing inside my head.

“You were holding her.” I say quietly. “What?” He frowns.

“In your sleep, you were holding her like you hold me. You were all over her.” I explain.

“Her perfume is the same one you put on your birthday.” He says. How the hell could he know that? What kind of excuse is that?

“I know because I dreamt of that night. I told you, I thought it was you.” He says. It’s true that he said he did like that perfume, but I don’t buy the 'I could smell you in my sleep’ bullshit.

“She said it’s from Kenzo.” He adds before I can anything. I blink at him. Yes. Yes it is from Kenzo. How the fuck did he know it was the one I had on my birthday.

“I thought it was you, Abby. It was unconscious.” He murmurs. “I believe you.” I sigh. “It is from Kenzo, you didn’t know that.” I add. I do believe him, but it still hurts, so much. I wanted the pain away, but it’s still there, he’s still done wrong. I’m still hurt.

“Don’t cry. Please, don’t cry.” He catches a tear with his thumb and wipes it away. “I’m sorry, for everything. I was hurt and angry, it hurt so bad. It was like being stabbed right in the heart, you hurt me like nothing else, Abigail, everything I did, all the things I said, it was out of self defense.” He murmurs. His words tug at my heart and I really want to cry. We totally blew this out of proportion. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him I fucked Andy, but then it hurt so much.

“When I told you I fucked her, when I hit Andy, it was self defense.” He adds. I know that now, and I know if I hadn’t lied about Andy, he would never had called her. I don’t forget he let her kiss him though.

“I fucked up, royally. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I disappointed you.” He murmurs.

“You shouldn’t have let her kiss you.” I sniffle and wipe my nose on the back of my hand.

“You’re mine, and that’s non-negotiable. Whether something threatens our relationship or not, your lips, your body, it’s all mine.” I poke a finger on his chest in emphasis. He stares at me with wide, surprised eyes.

“Okay.” He breathes, and I think he’s slightly surprised by my possessiveness. “Okay.” He repeats.

“Please, tell me you won’t leave me.” He pleads. I stare at him. Leaving is not an option, that’s for sure. I feel trapped. How can I be in a relationship with a man who can hurt me when he’s here, and whose absence itself can kill me?

“I won’t.” I murmur. He sighs deeply, like I’ve lifted a huge weight of his shoulders. “Thank you.” He whispers.

“But I need space, and time. A break, nothing more.” I add quickly, not wanting him to feel triumphant. His face falls.

“No.” He breathes, his brows connected. He shakes his head softly. “No, baby. Please.”

“I trusted you.” I whisper. “You still can. I’m still yours, and I don’t want anyone else but you. I never wanted her.” He says urgently, his voice shaking.

“You should have said no. You should have told me.” I argue. “You did all of this behind my back, and you had no intention of telling me. I would have spent my time thinking you had never kissed anyone else but me.” I add. “You’re not sorry you let her kiss you. You’re sorry I found out.”

He stares down at me, speechless. I’m right. If he had a choice, he’d do the same thing, just ensuring Bea wasn’t there to see it.

“And you don’t trust me.” I add. Once again, he stays silent. He doesn’t trust me. My eyes dwell in tears again, and I slip out of his proximity, walking back to my bed.

“You know it’s hard for me to… Ah, shit. It’s not that I don’t trust you, but I’m such a shitty boyfriend, I don’t see why you’d say no to a nice guy.” He says, and when I turn to him, he’s watching me with cautious eyes. He doesn’t see why I’d say no to a nice guy? Well, because I love him!

“Shouldn’t be my love for you a good reason? But again, you think I don’t love you.” I mutter, sitting down on my bed, my arms crossed over my chest.

“No, I don’t think that. I just…I have issues with this, you know it.” He says. Yes, I know he doesn’t think he deserves to be loved. But he used to say I made him feel loved. He said if I kept loving him, he’d believe it someday.

“Yes, but I hadn’t realized it meant you didn’t trust me.” I mutter.

“I do!” He cries, walking to me. He sinks on his knees in front of me, his hands on my thighs.

“I do trust you. I just wasn’t thinking straight. In an other context, had I seen the same thing, I wouldn’t have assumed this.” He says. “It wasn’t you, it was me. As fucking always. Goddammit.” He mutters, placing his elbows on my knees and dragging a hand in his hair.

“I know you-” He starts. “I know you…” His voice trails off. He closes his eyes for a moment, and I wonder what he’s trying to say.

“Have feelings for me.” He murmurs softly, dragging his eyes open. I inhale sharply. That’s not an 'I know you love me’, but it’s so close, and from him, it means so much.

“I do know that. I feel it.” He says shyly. “You make me feel cherished and loved.” He adds.

“You’re not the problem, it’s me, how I feel about myself.”

“I’m working on it, I swear.” He murmurs. “I’m not making things up, I’ve made progress. You have to believe me. We’re not going backwards.” He stares up at me, doing his best to convince me. I do believe him.

“Don’t give up on me now, Abby. Don’t give up on us.” He pleads. I can only look at him, confused and clueless.

“I’m lost.” I shake my head.

“Don’t leave me.” He pleads.

“I won’t.”

“Don’t ask for a break.”

“You owe me that much.” I reply. He sighs, knowing I’m right.

“How much time do you need?” He asks. I shrug, because I have no idea. I have no idea what I want, what I’m looking for.

“I still want you to live with me.” He says quietly.

“I still want that too.” I whisper.

“Wednesday.” He says. A deadline?

“You’re being unreasonable.” I snap. “I know. Please, give me Wednesday.” He pleads. I blink at him. This man is tiring.

“You don’t owe me a thing, but I’m asking for it like the selfish asshole I am. No matter what happens, don’t give up on us. Give me Wednesday.” He murmurs.


“If you still need time by Wednesday, I’ll leave you the apartment and I’ll take a hotel room.” He proposes.

“That’s ridiculous.” I snort.

“Please, Abby. I know I don’t deserve it, but please give me that. Tell me we’ll be okay.” He takes my face between his hands and plunges his desperate eyes into mine.

“Okay.” I hear myself say.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” He sighs, pushing himself off his knees and kissing me hard.

“I love you.” He whispers, pushing me down onto the mattress. I moan, and he takes the opportunity to push his tongue inside my mouth.

“I love you too.” I whisper back. He groans against my lips, grabs my hips and lays me further up on the mattress,placing himself between my legs he trails kisses down my neck, nibbling and sucking. I want him, badly. But I know if I let him have me now, I’ll be lost. This part of me who still wants some time to think will be overwhelmed by the burning passion.

“Wait.” I gasp, grabbing his shoulders. He brings his face to mine, our noses touching.

“What is it?” He pants against my lips.

“We can’t.” I whisper.

“Right.” He sighs after a moment, collapsing on top of me.

“Let me hold you.” He murmurs, shifting me until we’re in a spooning position. I can give him that, just a cuddle, nothing more. I turn in his embrace and nuzzle his chest, smelling his divine perfume.


I wake up too warm, and instantly know why. Mark is wrapped around me like ivy, his leg between mine, his torso on my body, his nose behind my ear and his hands pinning mine on either side of my head. My eyes flutter open, and I see he’s still sleeping peacefully, holding me, needing me. He needs me. He doesn’t need her. He held her because he thought it was me. He doesn’t want her. I turn my head and find Bea standing by the bed, glaring down at me, arms crossed, lips pursed.

“What the hell is this?” She hisses, not even trying to control the volume of her voice.

“Shhhh.” I bring my index finger to my lips and glare right back at her. It’s pointless, because Mark stirs against me. He hooks his leg around both of mine and wraps an arm around my waist, mumbling incoherent things.

“Thanks a lot.” I grind out before looking down at him. His eyes flutter open, and he looks up at me. He looks disoriented at first, and then he slimes.

“Hi.” He says sleepily, and my heart melts. He’s so beautiful.

“Hi.” I reply, and his sleepy smile turns into a grin.

“Ahem.” Bea clears her throat, effectively drawing our attention.

“Beatrice.” Mark says stiffly.

“Hey, Mark. I take it you had a good reason to kiss that slut.” She sasses.

“Bea!” I scold her, like she can talk after what she’s done to Max.

“It’s good to know Abby’s surrounded by people who really love her.” Mark says calmly, tearing himself away from me. “But don’t push me, Beatrice. I don’t owe you an explanation.” He adds coolly.

“Please, stop you two.” I snap, swinging my feet over the edge of my bed and standing. “None of us needs this right now.” I say sternly. Bea scoffs and looks away.

I turn to Mark and say “Look, you have to go. Bea and I have a lot to talk about.”

“Do we?” The little brat is raising an eyebrow when I turn to glare at her.

“Yeah.” I snap.

“Fine.” Mark says, reaching out to grab his shoes. I escort him down the stairs to the front door.

“When will I see you again?” He asks as I open the door.

“Wednesday.” I reply as he steps out and turns to me.

“That far?”

“I thought you had surprise for me you were working on.” I pull out the only argument that could work for the both pf us.

“Yes, but…” He stutter.

“And we’re on a break.” I remind him.

“Right.” He sighs. “Can I kiss you?” He tales a small step forward. I want to say no, I really do, but before I can, my lips are on his.

“I love you.” I whisper, wanting him to know.

“I love you too.” He kisses me again, turns and leave. I close the door, hoping I’d feel a radical emotion after he leaves, but I’m just as confused, lost and overwhelmed as before. When I turn to go find Bea, she’s already in the living room.

“Abigail, what the fuck?!” She says.

“No, me first.” I snap. “Bea, what the fuck?!” I grind out. “You cheat on Max right after what happened with Mark? Are you serious?” I ask, walking to her. She huffs and plops onto the sofa, arms crossed over her chest. I sit down next to her and grab her ponytail, tilting her head towards mine.

“What the hell happened in that little head of yours?” I ask, and to my big, big surprise, she bursts into tears. She wraps her arms around me and sobs into my neck. Oh, poor, baby.

“It was insane.” She sobs. “I swear it wasn’t anything like Mark and that blond slut. I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t want to give in. I tried so. Fucking. Hard. You have to believe me.” She mumbles in the crook of my neck, sniffling softy. I run a hand down her back and hold her. They both say they tried to stay away. It wasn’t like she gave in in front of Andy’s charm, nor the other way around, in a way, they’re both victims. Sh emerges from the crook of my neck, her face flushed and shiny with tears.

“It’s not…I’m not a cheater. I was like possessed.” She says. I stare at her, trying to understand. I think I do understand what she’s saying, what they’re both saying. That’s still crazy, two person’s strong will to stay away broken by hormones and sexual attraction. Just how horny for each other are they? I’m not sure I want to know actually. She screws her eyes shut and place a hand on her forehead.

“This excuse is so lame.” She groans.

“But it’s the truth.” I add, she opens her eyes, only to give me a pained look.

“Yeah. But it’s still ridiculous, I don’t know what I’m going to tell Max.” She says. At leat she’s going to tell him, she’s going to be honest. Knowing how bad she feels about it, I can imagine how hard it is. Not only will she hurt him, but she’ll hurt him when she tried her damn best not to.

“He was supposed to be my first.” She murmurs, looking down at her lap. My eyes widen. She told me they had their first time a week ago. She gave me details and shit.

“He wasn’t?"I utter. At my reaction, she lifts her gaze to mine.

"Yeah, I lied. I freaked out last minute. We were supposed to try again yesterday.” She says. So Andy was her first? Holy shit, that’s even more fucked up. She lost her virginity against my breakfast bar?

“Andrew took your virginity? Like this?” I point aimlessly towards the kitchen.

“No.” She sounds offended. She sniffles. “No, he was gentle the first time. When you caught us it was the third time.” She explains.

“Holy shit.”

“He cheated on his boyfriend too. And he’s gay. I mean…how?” She sighs. Yeah, he’s gay, for fuck’s sake. I can’t even begin to understand how Andy could do this.

“Jesus, Bea.”

“I love Max, I really do.” She chokes out.

“He was the first since Andy, and…” Her voice dies because of the lump in her throat.

“I screwed everything up. We were doing so good.” She says.

“What you did was wrong on so many levels, respecially after what Mark did to me, and how bitchy you were with him, but after hearing you, I find it hard to hold it against you.” I say to her. She sniffles and look up at me with hopeful eyes.

“Really?” She asks, and I nod.

“But Max will, and it’ll be hard.” I warn her. Her face falls and she makes a pained nose.

“He fucked me over, again.” She says, referring to Andy.

“I had a hard time with boys because of him, and when I finally find one who’s okay, he comes and fucks everything up.” She mutters.

“You thought you made him gay.” I blurt out.

“He told you that?”

“That’s what I would have thought.”

“I know it’s not true now, he told me he didn’t have any feelings for me at the first place.” She mutters bitterly. “And then we fucked.” She adds. Hugh.

I enfold her in my arms, squeezing her, preparing her for what I have to say.

“You’re going to be brokenhearted, Bea. Max is probably going to leave you.” I explain to her, wanting her to know. Her body shakes in my arms, and she starts to cry again.

“I hate him. I hate him so fucking much.” She sobs.

“You have the right to. He said it’s okay.” I murmur.

anonymous asked:

I notice you have no Hansol stories so I'm here to request one in honor of my baby (that will hopefully debut soon!!!) could I get one where his mother was super greedy so a witch cursed her first born (hansol) with gold touch? It's really hard for him (obvs) but it's even harder when he meets that pretty girl in the market place that he just wants to hold hands with. A little fluff but a lot of angst I want the ending to make me cry lol I know you can do it you're a very talented writer! Thanks

you want the ending to make you cry?

Originally posted by jokerundercover

added 👀

imagine calum coming home to hearing you sob in your shared apartment and he absolutely goes into complete frantic mood because he doesn’t know why you’re crying. he opens the door and finds you cuddled underneath layers of blankets with your face buried in your pillow. you feel the bed dip, instantly knowing he was now next to you, which makes you cry even more because you didn’t want him to see you like this. calum puts on a frown and he soothingly rubs your arm and asks you what’s wrong. you turn your body to face him so you could properly give him an answer. “i just feel like everything is my fault.” you sobbed. calum immediately took this as an opportunity to go on a full speech about how you’re not the only one who feels this way and how nothing is your fault. even though his words made you cry even harder, you felt yourself getting in a better mood. “there are people out there who absolutely care about you and would do anything to make sure you’re okay.” you smiled at his words before one last tear fell down your cheek, which calum instantly wiped away. you removed the layers of blankets you were still underneath and went in for a hug, immediately making you rest your head in the crook of his neck. “i don’t know what i would do without you. i’m so grateful i have you.” you mumbled. in reply, calum smiled and hugged you back tighter. “i’m always here for you.”

I will never understand

why/how people who use the whole “do more of what makes you happy” quote crap but will still wake my happily sleeping, mildly decomposing corpsey self up by busting in like”but you know it’s after 10 am though right”

It’s real neat that for you, happy looks like power yoga, casual sex and daring   makeup/outfit choices.. like that’s legitimately cool and I respect that but my version of happy to an attainable degree looks a lot more like “okay how can I exist the leas amount today without anyone noticing or hassling me into existing bigger? Oh sleep.”

Because realistically, for many people-
Try harder.. looks like them getting out of bed and not being physically destructive to themselves.

Be more positive- looks like them ranting about the worst part of their day and finding one or two things that they can make light of and joke about in it.

be “Happy” looks like- Well, I didn’t even almost kill myself, cry for 3hours, collapse in exhaustion and over exertion or in any way give up/in today.

People are trying. Shit’s hard and even if it’s not hard for you, scary for you, overwhelming to you, daunting to you… doesn’t make those feelings in someone else any less real or valuable.

I used to think my and my dad had nothing in common. I remember when I was 8, he sat me and my brother down on the couch while my mom sat in a corner, as he began to cry and tell us that him and my mom were separating. He held me and my brother for hours as we all cried together, and my mom didn’t shed a tear and just sat in the corner. He would take us to the movies, take us anywhere we wanted when he was allowed to see us for a short period of time to make us happy. And I remember seeing a movie 3 weeks after that happened, and the first preview was for the movie “fireproof” basically a movie about how a mans marriage was falling apart. He cried even harder than he did when he told us he wouldn’t see us everyday. And I remember that winter, calling him so excited telling him about skiing in the mountains on our first big family trip that he couldn’t go to, and his voiced cracked as he told me to have fun and he loved me. I always thought me and my dad had nothing in common. He would leave roses on my moms door everyday, and she didn’t love him anymore. But I know what it’s like. To give every part of you to someone you love, and get nothing in return. My dad saw me collapse on the floor in tears my freshman year over some boy who dropped me, he didn’t say a word. He helped me up, laid me down and left me alone. Tonight I came home from driving around crying about what a mess I’ve become over someone who doesn’t love me back, and he kissed me on the head, and said “one day, it won’t hurt anymore.”

Everyone, thank you for waiting for us for a long time. Sorry for making you wait for so long. Ah, I’m really, seriously happy, so I’ll work even harder on the next album when it comes out. Someone said that, that the fans hope they become a memory… I’m not a man with a sexy brain, so I can’t remember you all one by one, so I’m prepared to carry (you all) with me. (takes out a camera to take a long video of all the fans around the audience ㅠㅠ)
—  Jimin’s ment at BTS BEGINS 3/29 ©
I think I just need someone to say that they’d care if I died, or my absence would make a difference, or even that they’d miss me. And if that time ever came, I wouldn’t care if it was my bestfriend, a stranger, an old friend or even an enemy saying it. I need a purpose, somebody please, just give me a reason to not end it all, give me a reason to keep going. Because today, I fell harder than I ever did before.
We Love You Misha

I heard about Misha being mugged and now I’m crying. No one deserves to be mugged. No one. But the fact that it was him, someone who I look up to with so much respect, hurts. It’s an upsetting issue by itself but it involving him, makes it even harder to hear. I hope he is doing well and I send all of my wishes and love towards him.
He spends so much time trying to make this world a better place. He inspires me to do the unthinkable. And he inspires me to do the absolute possible. Being kind isn’t a hard thing to do. Kindness is found in so many different tasks.
He showed me how completely remarkable it is to try spreading kindness. He taught me love, hope, and ambition. There will never be a time or day that I do not get up wondering what I could do to make the world a bit brighter and a bit more filled with love.
I know he would be proud of that. And I am so proud of him.
I love him so much; I can’t say it enough, I hope he gets better. Sending all of my hugs to him.