it makes me feel worse that i have nobody in my life

the no bullshit guide to getting your shit together: for the lazy student

Let’s be honest: time management and organization? They’re really hard. Sure, at first you might feel like you’ve gotten the hang of them, that you’re in control of your life. But how often have you fallen off the wagon? Procrastinated on one thing and the next moment, you’re behind in all your classes? I know that sometimes laziness feels like a part of who you are, but honestly, fuck that. Do you really want to give up your success for the disinterest of a moment?

If your answer is no (it better be no, or you really need to get your priorities straight), let’s get to it. 

STEP ONE: BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF

“This class doesn’t even matter.” “I don’t care about my grades.” “I can finish this the day before.” Sound familiar? You might feel great now, but when you’re staring down at your report card later, it’ll feel like you just got punched. 

This is a cliche, but the greatest obstacle to your success is yourself - especially the lies you tell yourself! Sit yourself down and be honest about what you need to improve on. Be as blunt as you can, but for god’s sake, don’t throw yourself a pity party! There’s no use agonizing over what you can’t change. Instead, set realistic, achievable goals, and make a game plan. Struggling with math? Go to extra help. Behind in all your classes? Stay in for a couple nights and actually work. 

STEP TWO: STOP WITH THE FANCY SHIT

Now you know what your goals are, but maybe you want some inspiration, so you log on to tumblr and are instantly bombarded by all these beautiful, well lit shots of the most gorgeous bullet journals, planners, and notes. Impressive, right? Well, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret: they’re all useless! A simple phone planner works just as well, if not better, than a fancy agenda, because you’ll always have it on you, it’s not a hassle to carry around, and you don’t feel obligated to make it look pretty. 

Riddle me this, where are you going to find all this extra motivation to keep prettying up your bullet journal? To write all your notes in perfect, colour coded printing? There aren’t many times in life where taking the easy was out will actually benefit you, so take advantage! Stop wasting your time; get a phone planner and write your notes in your natural goddamn handwriting. 

STEP THREE: CLEAN YOUR ROOM

Yep, your entire room - not just your study space! This one can be put on the back burner for a bit if you’re on a really pressing deadline, but I wouldn’t recommend it. I’m notoriously messy, and if I don’t watch myself, I’d find myself in dirty-laundry-and-old-notes hell. A little bit of organized chaos is fine, I even encourage it! But try working when your desk is covered in mounds of paper and you have nowhere to put your laptop – it’s just not conducive to success. 

Keeping your entire room clean is a way to stave off stress, frustration, and even embarrassment, because nobody wants to show potential roommates how much of a mess they are. 

STEP FOUR: ACTUALLY WORK

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking: “actually work? Who does this girl think she is?” I’d probably think the same thing, except I’ve learned the valuable lesson of sucking it the hell up, and you will too. When you get home from work, grab a snack and work. When you have a free period, figure out what’s due and work. Stop reasoning yourself out of work: you’re not going to finish this later, and that will be on the test. There’s really not much to say about this one, because it’s the step that requires the most raw effort, and you’re really only going to find that within yourself. Tell yourself what’s at stake, and realize that, by setting the standard for your mediocrity now, you’re potentially trapping yourself in a cycle that will last for years. 

STEP FIVE: CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK

Maybe you’ve been on top of your shit for a day, a week, or even a month, and that’s really great. But then… you fail. You miss a deadline or you bomb a test. So what do you do now? Do you allow yourself to fall back into your old habits? Fuck no! Everyone fails, even that studyblr with those perfect bullet journal photos and a perpetually clean study space. I’m going to tell you something that’ll sound really strange: you should value your failures, especially if you worked hard to avoid them. What?! Be HAPPY about failing when I actually TRIED? Yeah, you heard me right. If you don’t know how to handle failure, then when you inevitably experience it, your reaction will be much worse. 

Failing hurts, and boy, I know how embarrassing it can be. But learning how to deal with failure, and especially how to keep trying after it happens, is an invaluable lesson. 

STEP SIX: TREAT. YO. SELF.

Disclaimer: I’m not suggesting you treat yourself after the most basic of tasks, because please. Treat yourself when you know you goddamn well deserve it. Remember that “all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.” If all you do is study and do your homework, then, pardon my french, your life sucks. If you don’t have friends, play a video game! Eat an entire jumbo chocolate bar! Indulge in whatever the fuck you want, you deserve it. I’m someone that has trouble prioritizing future benefits over immediate gratification, so by allowing myself little pleasures, I save myself from crashing and burning. 

Hope these tips helped, but remember to take them with a grain of salt - you’re you and I’m me, and different things work for different people. Good luck!

Before I start this little spiel, I need you all to know: I’m not hating on people who don’t vaccinate their kids, and while I know for a fact BASED ON facts that vaccines don’t cause autism or other “defects”, I’m all for continuing research to make them even better and safer.

But you know what really, really scares me about the anti-vax movement? As a future Public Health Professional, the thing that scares me most about this is the fact that our cultural mindset has become so CHILL about vaccine-preventable/”childhood” diseases that there is even room for such a movement. Let me explain.

Do y’all know what an R0 is? The R-naught, as it is called, is the basic reproduction rate of a disease. It tells you how many new infections can come from one existing infection. For example, an R-naught of 3 (R3) means that, on average, one sick person will infect three other people. Every disease has an R-naught, some greater and some lesser.

Do you remember when everyone was freaking out about Ebola? Everyone was terrified of catching it, because it’s SOOOOO contagious and deadly, right? Ebola has an R-naught of 2. That’s it. R2. One person with Ebola, on average, will get 2 more people sick. And we were freaking out about that.

Well guess what? Measles is the most contagious disease known to mankind, and it has an R-naught of 18. 18. One person with measles will give it to 18 new people, and those people will give it to 18 new people EACH, and so on. That’s what happened with the Disneyland outbreak; it’s so ridiculously contagious that just ONE sick child was enough to start an epidemic.

And yet very few people are as scared of measles as they are of Ebola. Why is that? One reason could be the nature of the disease, sure; Ebola is terrifying in its progression and symptoms. But I would suggest that a major reason is that measles has been so well-contained by vaccination that people no longer fear it. It’s not a part of every-day life anymore; this disease is no big deal because nobody gets it, because so many people are vaccinated against it. Let’s put this another way.

What are the diseases that scare everyone the most: Ebola, HIV/AIDS, and SARS are pretty high on the list of terror diseases. But let’s look at the R0s, shall we: Ebola-R2. HIV/AIDS-R5. SARS-R5. 

Now let’s look at diseases that people are voluntarily rejecting vaccinations against: Measles, Pertussis, and Diphtheria are the major ones. Their R0s? Measles-R18. Pertussis-R17. Diptheria-R7.

Everyone focuses on the former set of diseases– rightly so, I suppose– because they’re more dangerous at the present time. What makes them more dangerous? Not their R0; it’s the fact that there is no viable treatment, and NO VACCINE. Seriously, that’s why the medical community is worried about them. There’s no way to treat or PREVENT their spread biologically. Well guess what? There’s no viable treatment for Measles or Pertussis, and only limited treatment options for Diphtheria. That’s why the medical community doesn’t focus on them as much, because we can prevent them at the biological level, safely and effectively.

But now that the Anti-Vax movement has taken hold so firmly, the medical community is now being forced to once more worry about diseases it had almost eradicated. And not only that, it’s endangering herd immunity for the people who can’t receive their own vaccines due to compromised immune systems. I’m allergic to eggs, so I can’t receive the flu shot, but I’m also asthmatic so I can’t get the inhaled vaccine. I rely entirely on the people I associate with to keep me safe from the flu by getting their yearly shot. This made public school a living nightmare, because almost NOBODY got their shot. They caught it, and while it didn’t affect them TOO terribly because they were generally healthy, when I caught it, it was very dangerous because of my asthma. And then there’s that time when I caught the flu, and then right after because of my weakened immune system, I caught Whooping Cough from someone who hadn’t been vaccinated. I HAD been vaccinated, but my body was so fatigued from the flu that it couldn’t keep up with immune demands. And so I caught it.

Have you ever had Pertussis (whooping cough)? It’s hard enough on someone with full lung capacity; it can break ribs, it makes you cough so hard. You cough until there is literally no air in your lungs, and you have to inhale so forcefully it makes the “whooping” sound that gives it the name. It’s painful beyond belief, and it can last for weeks. Some people will survive it. But add that to asthma, or to a young child, or to an elderly person, and you are looking at either permanent damage or death, no exceptions. When I had it, I was about 6 years old, and asthmatic; I spent 81 hours awake because the coughing was so violent I physically couldn’t sleep. I tore abdominal muscles. I vomited during coughing fits and aspirated the vomit. I was actively dying. The doctors could barely suppress the cough enough for me to breathe at all. My inhaler wasn’t helping, none of the cough syrups or breathing treatments were helping; I was getting pneumonia on top of the virus. It was Hell. I was LUCKY that I didn’t die.

Who would wish that on their child? Nobody, I hope. And if you KNEW you could keep your child from ever experiencing that, wouldn’t you do whatever it took to ensure their safety?

Or would you look at the safeguard and say, “Nah. I’ll take my chances with my child’s life.”?

That is what the anti-vax movement is doing. Perhaps not purposefully, but that’s the end result. These aren’t just names on syringes designed to make a child cry; the diseases are real, and real threats to health and life, and the vaccines are how you prevent them. Yet we are so far removed from the impact and effects of these diseases BECAUSE of the peace brought to us BY vaccines that people now feel no qualm about refusing vaccines.

That’s what scares me about the anti-vax movement; people have become so complacent that they no longer worry about these very real, very deadly diseases. They’d rather risk their child’s life than get a shot? The side effects of vaccines are unproven (nonexistent), but the efficacy of vaccines are very much proven.

When the pertussis vaccine first came out, people jumped on it right away. They were so grateful to have it, and for a while everything was smooth sailing, and whooping cough was on the decline. Then, in the 70s, some groups started claiming the pertussis vaccine was causing brain injury in young children. Less than 50 in 15 million cases were reported, but it was enough to scare people away from the vaccine. And children began dying again. It was later discovered that it was NOT the vaccine, but the result of infantile epilepsy, that caused the brain damage. People began once more vaccinating their children, but not before hundreds if not thousands had died.

And that’s what’s happening now. A falsified claim scared just enough people that time-tested, lab-tested, fully-proven, totally safe vaccines are being rejected, and we’re already starting to pay with lives. And I’m scared it’s going to get worse. People don’t really grasp the full import of these diseases and the necessity of the vaccines until they have experienced the disease. I’m scared that it’s going to come down to new epidemics before people will realize the mistake of not vaccinating.

Right now we’re still in the semi-safe zone. Enough of the population is immunized that we could probably keep most pandemics of these diseases at bay. But if this movement keeps gaining momentum, there might come a day when measles and pertussis could once again destroy thousands of people yearly. Imagine if some terrorist group weaponized Ebola and used it against this country; so many people would die, because we have no vaccine for it, no way to prevent it. That is what could happen with diseases like mumps, rubella, measles, pertussis, Diphtheria, and polio. Except it wouldn’t be terrorists using a disease as a weapon; it would be some kid in your child’s class, or your neighbor across the street, or the guy who delivers the mail to your office. That’s how life used to be, and if someone from the pre-vaccine era could see us now, they’d weep for joy at the idea that we can prevent these horrific diseases; and then they’d weep in sorrow at the idea that people are voluntarily turning down that safeguard.

It’s true, vaccines aren’t always 100% effective; I was immunized, but still got Whooping Cough (lowered immune function, if you recall). But you know who didn’t get it? My baby sister. My big sister. My cousins. My mother and father. My classmates, the other kids at my doctor’s office. The nurses at the hospital. The pharmacy workers. Their children. The kids my mom taught at school. All those people were safe because of vaccines. And you know what else? When I was in India, I was exposed to polio. Didn’t get it. Know why? I was vaccinated. I was exposed to chicken pox in 5th grade. One unvaccinated kid got it, and the other 4 kids in our class who weren’t vaccinated got it. But you know who didn’t? The rest of us who WERE vaccinated.


Vaccination may not be perfect, and the only way we will improve them is by continuing research. But the fact remains that as they are now, vaccines cause no lasting side effects (injection site pain goes away), and are extremely effective at preventing dangerous, painful, debilitating, often deadly diseases. Let’s keep researching, yes, but in the mean time, PLEASE vaccinate. It’s not worth your life, or your child’s, or anyone else’s. Vaccines save lives, not destroy them.

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 5

Great team work, amigos. Here’s is part 5! 

  1. “Why is there a naked Ken Barbie doll tied up in your room?” “Goddammit, ____! I told you not to go in there!”
  2. “No Candice, I am NOT selling you my soul again.”
  3. “why is the fairy holding a gun.”
  4. “Jesus Christ on a boat made of crackers, what are you doing outside of the pod ship again?”
  5. “WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT” “He said I couldn’t… and I thought it was a challenge…”
  6. “How the fuck did you dye the ocean ORANGE?!”
  7. “Why are the roses green?”
  8. “Great, you made death angry.”
  9. ”この___だ!”
  10. “That better be a press on tattoo.”
  11. “If you only listened to the nature, you could learn more than humans ever passed to us.”
  12. “So, we’re dead?” “Well, kind of… yeah.”
  13. “Remind me again why you have a centaur tied up in your truck?”
  14. “Can you stop staring into my soul every time we meet? I feel exposed.”
  15. “You do realize that he wasn’t breathing when he spoke to us, right?”
  16. “I liked you better when you where possessed by that demon friend of yours”
  17. “You’re absolutely in love with him and have been for at least 2 years if you don’t go tell him how you feel I swear to god I will”
  18. “There are worse things in life than death.” “Nobody asked you,Lucifer.” “Just saying.”
  19. “Well, it’s wonderful that you’re having a sexuality crisis, but in case you forgot, we’re kind of in the middle of STOPPING THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!”
  20. “Why is there a horse crashing on our couch?” “Oh, that’s Satan.”
  21. “Why would I hang out with you? You’re so incompetent! Your sacrifice to the faeries was so insufficient!”
  22. “Where the hell did the dragon go?! He was right here!”
  23. “Ok, the recipie calls for two cups of lemon and a cup of sugar, but all I see are cough syrup and battery acid…”
  24. “What do you mean today’s not a Tuesday?!”
  25. “So everyone on Earth had the same dream as me?”
  26. “you know what will solve that? Scotch.”
  27. “I didn’t ask for this!” “… you didn’t?”
  28. “How is it that the least likely outcome is always the outcome I receive?!” “You should go buy a lottery ticket.”
  29. “Guys, i know you’re all busy, but if any of you wants the dinner done, i will need my arm back”
  30. “Of COURSE I care about you. That’s why I sold your soul on the black market.”
  31. “JOHN I AM BEGINNING TO QUESTION THE VALIDITY OF YOUR PLAN” “AS AM I ALEX, AS AM I”
  32. “What?”
  33. “I will take the concept of my rage, transform it into a physical weapon, and use it to BEAT YOU TO DEATH!”
  34. “Did you really HAD to slap the shark?!” “I mean… If you want me to kick it-”
  35. “I don’t care, your tamagotchi dying is not an excuse to wake me up before noon!”
  36. “You are telling me that the socks with hearts that I’ve been mocking since the first day you arrived are, in fact, what keep you alive?” “Yes!” “What?”
  37. “So you really want me to believe that you’re actually from the future?”
  38. “Dude. What have you done. Now we HAVE TO save those aliens!”
  39. “Can you just stop?” “God no, why would I do that?”
  40. “Hey at least I get laid doing it”
  41. “While that’s a lovely story, it doesn’t quite explain the fires.”
  42. “Dude, please tell me that you planned to deal with her guardian angel when you killed her.”
  43. “That’s such a stupid idea… let’s do it.”
  44. “What do you MEAN this just HAPPENS?!” “All the time, actually.”
  45. “I swear, one day you’ll kill us both.” “Oh please, I’ve never been that reckless.” “…” “That was ONE TIME!”
  46. “Why did you buy a nuke?!” “Why wouldn’t I? It was on sale”
  47. “I am fueled purely by rage and instant coffee.”
  48. “How are you a million years old, bit you can’t even remember who George Washington is?”
  49. “Because I gave not, a single shit.”
  50. “Is that a marijuana? In my good  Christian suburbs?!”
  51. “WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT KILLING PEOPLE?? YOU NEVER USE THE DRAGON, YOU IDIOT”
  52. “I don’t care if he’s a unicorn, NO ONE EATS MY MINI EGGS!”
  53. “Jesus Christ Lewis! *Again* with the Snails?” “It’s Thursday! You said Thursday’s were okay!”
  54. “Here’s a story for you. I woke up in Vegas as a makeup guru. I was REALLY drunk.”
  55. “If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you…WAIT, NO IT WAS A JOKE, STOP!”
  56. “You’re kinda like hitchhiking Ghost Busters, aren’t you?”
  57. “For gods sake, ditch the fanny pack”
  58. “Take the tomato!” “No, I don’t want the tomato” “JUST TAKE THE TOMATO”
  59. “‘That’s no moon!’ Everyone  remembered Jimmy’s words that night as he scolded his friends for half-heartedly pulling their pants down.”
  60. “WHY IS THERE A BEAR IN MY BATHROOM”
  61. “Can you believe it?” “Just barely.”  "Man, I never thought he would ACTUALLY throw the chair.“
  62. "What did you THINK girl scout cookies were made of?”
  63. “Really? That’s not what I heard from Mrs. Sanchez across the hall!”   “Mom she’s literally a possessed cow, why do you listen to her?”
  64. “You got the rubber chicken, cheese whiz, and dish soap?” “Yep” “Ok, let’s do this!”
  65. “Are you building a life-sized Godzilla at 3am again?”
  66. “Don’t get pissy at me, YOU’RE the one who didn’t say what kind of tea bags to get for the clown!”
  67. "So YOU’RE the guy the math textbooks warned us about.”
  68. “Where’s our cat?” “I thought you were responsible for it?..”
  69. “What do you mean I’m half demon”
  70. “why are you duct taping a cat to the ceiling?” “aesthetic.”
  71. “Hope is a lie. So is philosophy, morality, language in general, the sky, dogs, and about a third of the population of Michigan.”
  72. “So let me get this straight. You filled a Darth Vader costume… With cats?”
  73. “How did I die this time?” “Well, it was pretty quick. I missed it, but from what I can tell, you convinced an entire school of 4000 people to throw watermelons at you all at the same time.” “…And?” “The impact of the watermelons threw you back a couple hundred kilometers and you landed in the ocean…inside the mouth of a particularly hungry shark.” “Goddamn it I wanted this death to be metal!”
  74. “Yesterday I learned that my childhood friend was a demon.”
  75. “Please tell me you said 'What bothers me most.’ "Yes? What the hell did you think I said?” Well….it kinda sounded like “His father’s meatloaf.’
  76. "Goddammit, why won’t you die?!”  "I DON’T FUCKING KNOW! “
  77. "I’d appreciate it if you fucking stopped, thanks.”
  78. “What the hell is this?” “It’s jello, you eat it”
  79. "You didn’t” “I did and I made them watch”
  80. "Why in the hell did you think this was a good idea?” “Look, YOU try saying 'No’ to not just a primordial deity, but my little sister as well.” “…Ok, you got me there.”
  81. “How do you know that it’s supposed to look like this?”
  82. “Are you making *tea*?!” “Well what else am I supposed to do?” “I don’t know maybe STOP THE MONSTER THATS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!”
  83. “Why are you in a dress?” “Lucifer wanted to have a tea party. You don’t say no to Lucifer”
  84. “So you’re telling me that aliens invaded while I was on vacation?”
  85. “I appreciate the gesture but I prefer my horses fried rather than alive.”
  86. *whining* “But Mooommm, I don’t want to save the woooorrld!”
  87. “Now I know not to cry there”
  88. “What if we DIDNT kill the king every Thursday” “Good idea we’ll kill him on Fridays instead.”
  89. “So you’re a zombie now?” “I guess I am” “So what are you gonna do about it?” “*shrug* I don’t know….”
  90. “I guess you weren’t joking when you said that the world is ruled by ants”
  91. “When I die, tell everyone 'I told you so.’”
  92. “You’re not real… You’re only in those silly books!” “Correction, my dear, you’re the fictional one.”
  93. “There was no 'free pie’ you moron! You stole it!”
  94. “Okay, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that my pet rock has gained sentience, just like we planned! The bad news is that it turns out he’s evil and is currently building a rock army with the intent of taking over the world. aaaand, he’s trying to get Mt. Everest on his side.”
  95. “Why is our baby on a wanted poster?”
  96. “Zombies are people too, Mom!”
  97. “… I’m gonna go for it. Hold my head for me real quick, and don’t put it on a mannequin like you did last time.”
  98. “Fascinating… I was unaware that was physically plausible.” “I know right.”
  99. “ACHOO!” “Bless you.” “No sorry, that won’t work on me.”
  100. “Bye, Felicia. Take you and your cat ears! GO!”

Prepare yourselves, because starting from tomorrow we will be making ‘100 Prompts That Will Make You Cry’ lists. Hope you enjoy this one. Which prompt do you like the most?

How I see kpop groups and their traits

Exo: referred to as gods by the future generation; they could release an album full of high pitched screaming and still would make the best selling kpop album; china line who?; we are 1 what?; korean members with chinese stage names; don’t let the satan near you; yehet, kkaebsong; give Sehun lines

Bts: from nowhere to everywhere; hyperactive kids making good music; kids with mental health issues doing vanalism; they look at you - you faint;  shit down, beach - bitch?, ikskjuz miii; zoo; give Jin lines

Ikon: B.I, Bobby and friends; favoritism by yg; “the next bigbang”, but yg seems to forget about them so does the crowd; being hyped up then ending up disappointed; capable of doing good music but refuses to; give chanwoo lines

Got7: no mvs in the future just videos of them dabbing; b side tracks always better than the titles; acrobatics until their neck breaks; not so creative fandom name; bamx2 is big; jaCSon, hard carry by Monsta x

Winner: searching for them - error404: nowhere to be found; somewhere in the yg building; Taehyun had enough shit, wants his own band, searching for members through tumblr; capable of being unique, yg aint letting them; let them break out   

Day6: now 5live, nope, day8, members: sungjin, wonpil, dowoon, youngk, jae, chicken little, brian, younghyun; the one who has a stage name but seems like everyone is forgetting about it; dancing king; hashtag king; let dowoon sing

Astro: too much sugar in my eyes i can’t see; too pure for you; won’t ever do other than cute concepts;  michael jackson; giant maknae; voice cracks for life; new generation of flower boys

Seventeen: too many; pledis has a thing for girly boys; pledis’ only income; leg breaking choreos; adore u remakes as title tracks; no dark concepts in the future; sebeuntin; carrots, mounteen; slipping here and there; dino nugu aegi; thughao, 10:10; divaboo; noone looks like suga; jeongcheol, meanie; give china line lines

Vixx: concept kings but kinda ran out of concepts; oldschool kpop feel; from vixx ravi to solo ravi - full upgrade; one of the prettiest fandom names; endless leader bullying; serial killer; let the maknae line sing

Shinee: going strong since 2008; people seem to pay less attention to them; taemin upgraded; weird fashion taste - key; cola cola; don’t sleep on them

Infinite: dope intros - give you chills; old kpop sound, unique sound; scorpion dance, live singing + synchronized choreos; dinosaur who’s laugh can be heard without a mic; endless leader and maknae bullying; saved woollim; give sungyeol and sungjong lines

Monsta x: future strippers; stuck between hiphop and sexy concepts; wtf is going on here mvs, gay mvs; cringiest fandom name; weird noises by the rapper; damn daniel; how to learn hungarian by changkyun; abs, memes; ten years later: waiting for their first win; mosta x, moista x, monster x;  give hyungwon lines; 

Bigbang: legends; noone can dance, too lazy to dance; fashionistas; min hyorin; yg = bigbang

B.a.p: started to rise - shit happened - nobody cares about them anymore; getting killed or killing others in mvs; unappreciated dancers and rappers; high notes for life; actual meaningful lyrics

Block b: zico and the boys; biggest weirdos of them all; no friendship just business; give jaehyo lines

Nct: taeyong and the boys; pouring salt at the wounds; mess of a noise music; rotating as much that i can already see the tornado; dozens of units; horrible fashion; unnecessary ps; damn hoverboard skills; great vocals being hidden; johnny somehow managed to get out; let hansol free; give lines to everyone

Pentagon: putting them through an unnecessary scripted survival show to make people foget about some disbanded groups (4minute); sm and yg let some gems slip out from their hands, at least they are not in the dungeon; giants and dwarfs; ugly crying; lame jokes; ultrasound screams; nudity; wooyu; yutoda; give shinwon lines

Btob: being forgotten by cube; weird, extra; slowly turning into a ballad group; is minhyuk a rapper?; give peniel lines

Beast: what is happening with u cube? shit happened; new name - bea5t?;  lost their spirit after shit happned; great lives 

Suju: waiting for ot15; shit still happening; growing out of kpop; concepts don’t match their age; still waiting for kibum; don’t forget about zhoumi & henry; diaries of a married man; being succesful in the military

Nu’est: best debut song ever; had the most potential as a rookie group; pledis messed up; now they’re popular anywhere besides korea; getting worse and worse title songs; aesthetic mvs; creative fandom name; again pledis has a thing for girly boys

Ft Island: hongki and the others; awesome dope music (let’s not count puppy here); people don’t appreciate quality music anymore; this gem is lost in the ocean of cute, badass & hiphop concepts; pretty fandom name

Cnblue: another gem; better japanese releases; boring new songs because they have to fit into the kpop standard; yonghwa’s unique teeth; visuals; let the others sing

SF9: another group coming from a survival show; covering their seniors’ songs so they can’t even recognize them; thumbs up for the K.O choreography; don’t go with them to amusement parks; deep af voice maknae; park jimin 2.0; hwiyoung got them lines in roar

KNK: a bunch of idiots - literally; tall af; models af; old school kpop feels; if you hear someone laugh hysterically from afar it’s probably them; falling dramatically to the floor while doing so; choking sounds; don’t let them feed you; horlolololo; astro x knk; bullying sanha

2PM: definition of men; hella hot bodies; starting to be unknown; when was their latest first win?; manly concepts; awesome vocals; the rap is still meh; go crazy is a jam y’all; great actors

U-Kiss: so many member changes; lit songs, but not getting appreciation; don’t complain about your faves not getting 1st place like 2 months after debut - it took for them years; the first kpop fathers; they need a comeback soon

B1A4: great vocals again; don’t let them being forgotten; cnu just rocks the short hair admit it; baby i’m sorry is one of the best kpop songs; but great ballads as well

Teen top: they need to go back to their previous style; cap rocking them tattoos; hilariously funny group - watch their weekly idol; promoting as five now - anticipate their comeback

Wanna One: what even is this name; salty af that Jonghyun and Samuel are NOT in the 11; Never is still my jam; i’m not lookung forward for cute concepts; god 10 year age gap between the oldest and youngest member; still salty some trainess weren’t even in top 20 *cough* hwanwoong *cough* taehyun *cough* gunhee* *cough*; some great inventors (round clap, jeojang, etc.) and psychos and a lot more.

Everyone please note that i dont mean to offend neither the groups neither the fans. its just for fun and me being 100% sarcastic by these statements. i love and respect these groups with all my heart!
sorry, its a bit long.

The 5 Elements of a LIKABLE Main Character

“I don’t like your main character. He’s kind of obnoxious.” my beta reader laughingly told me, after reading the first chapter of my novel.

On the surface, I looked like this: 

Inside, I looked like this: 

Aloud, I said “Oh, well, he’s kind of hard to understand. He changes by the end.”

Inside, I screamed “How could you not like him?! Do you have a heart?! Is there a void where your soul should be?! Are you actually a Dementor that’s really good at makeup? Well, I guess this is what the Dementors are doing after getting kicked out of Azkaban!”

Outside: “But I really enjoyed it!” *Hugs between broken writer and Dementor in disguise* “Thank you for reading!" 

But you know what? That person that might be a soul-sucking cloaked demon creature? They were right. The character was unlikable, or more accurately, there was no reason to cheer him on. There was nothing to make the reader connect with him, relate to him, transfer themselves into his story, feel affection towards him. 

And if the reader doesn’t connect with the character through empathy? Nothing else in the story can work. Everything relies on this one fictional person. The basic definition of story is "A flawed hero with a goal overcoming obstacles to reach that goal, and how that journey changes them.” So without character, you don’t have story. Without empathy from the reader, you don’t even have character. 

So what is empathy when it comes to characters? 

It’s the process of a reader transferring their own lives onto the character. When this happens, the character’s goal and inner desires, values and weaknesses, everything about them, become proxies for our own. We learn of a shared piece of human nature between us, something we have in common on a significant inner level, and suddenly we want to see this character succeed. Because now, they are us – and we want to see ourselves succeed in real life. We feel what they feel, we experience what they experience.  

The best way to sum up character empathy in my opinion, is this quote from C.S.Lewis: “Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another ‘Really? You too? I thought I was the only one!’”

That’s empathy. 

Which doesn’t mean the character has to be an angelic little cherub …

There are characters that operate in a moral gray area, there are characters that are downright awful, there are characters that shouldn’t be lovable …but we love them. So this is NOT saying that a main character has to be a perfect angel that rescues baby squirrels when they’re not busy volunteering at the local soup kitchen, it just means there’s something WORTHWHILE in the character that persuades the reader to stick around. We need a reason to relate with that at-first-glance unlikable character. Just as we have flawed people in our own lives who we can forgive and love.

A good quote for this one would be this, by G.K.Chesterton: “That’s the great lesson of Beauty and the Beast; that a thing must be loved before it is lovable.”

So how does a writer accomplish a good empathetic connection?

Luckily for us, establishing this only takes a little planning in the beginning of the story. Certain elements foster empathy, elements which you can give to your character and display in the story. Making sure to incorporate a few of these will ensure that first connection between reader and character. A connection which you, the author, will then be able to grow. It’s this tiny first note of shared humanity which deepens into those important links we hold with characters. We’re living people, they’re imagined and comprised of words on a page; yet these people can be friends to us, family, mentors, role models, and become some of the most influential people in our lives. 

And how does that begin? Evoking empathy. 

And how do you evoke empathy? Well here are the characteristics that human beings instinctively identify with and admire … 

– Courage (This is the one EVERY main character should possess. Gumption to pursue what they want separates main from background characters.)

– Humor (Wit charms us without fail.)

– Goal-Obsessed 

– Hard-working  

– Noble motivations

– Loving

– Loved by others

– Kind 

– Treated unfairly

– In imminent danger, physically

– In imminent danger, emotionally

– In a sorrowful situation

– Smart/Expert at something

– Suffering from psychological weakness  

– Haunted by something in their past

– Dissatisfied with current state of their life

– Lacking something like love, friendship, belonging, family, safety, freedom, etc

It’s a good plan to give your main character at least FIVE of these empathetic little “virtues.”

If this sounds like a resume, that’s kind of what it is. “Dear Potential Reader, I’m applying for the job of Main Character of this book series. I aspire to consume your every waking thought and drastically change your life, for better and worse.” It’s a diagram of the worthwhile traits of the hero, the characteristics that win us over, which promise the reader “If you follow my story, knowing me – and experiencing the story through me – will be well worth your time.”

These traits will be displayed in the set-up of the story, the first ten pages or so. But the story CANNOT stop to let the character exhibit these winning behaviors; the story must KEEP PROGRESSING, every empathetic element must be shown with a story reason for existing within a scene. Like exposition, empathy needs to be added in subtly, as the story motors onward, slipping into the reader’s knowledge without them noticing. If it’s a scene created for the express purpose of convincing the reader “This character is lovable! Love them! I said love them!” then it will be glaringly obvious and the reader will feel the exact opposite. (They’ll also feel that way about the author, incidentally.)

Now! How does this work? 

Harry Potter: 

Harry is the poster child for being treated unfairly. Yet in the face of the abusive treatment of his childhood, Harry is courageous. He does not succumb to the Dursley’s relentless campaign to stamp the magic out of him, and become a proper Dursley; though this would’ve won their approval, put him in their good graces, and made his life exponentially easier – but he didn’t do it. He knew they were wrong, knew what was right, and refused to become like them. So heck yes Sorting Hat, there is “plenty of courage, I see”. He was loved by his parents, by the three that dropped him off at his Aunt and Uncle’s, and by the majority of the Wizarding World. He’s also snarky, loving, and in constant danger. 

Judy Hopps: 

Every reason why we care about Judy is established in the first few scenes. She’s courageous. She’s funny. She’s loved by her parents. She’s motivated by noble values. Definitely goal oriented, hard working, and smart. She’s also in imminent danger, and being treated unfairly.

If we took out the pieces of the story meant to evoke our empathy, what would happen? 

Nobody would care. Judy Hopps would have been an annoying, smug, and consumed by ruthless ambition. Harry Potter would have ceased to exist because everything about him is empathetic. 

Establishing these early allows us to begin the process of temporarily transferring our lives into a story. Or in the case of some life-changing stories, not temporarily transferring, but letting them become part of our souls forever. 

Yup, having your story connect with a reader forever starts with just a little empathy. Pretty useful.

Oh, and speaking of souls, give me mine back, Dementor reader. I learned how to make people like my characters. Now you’re out of the Azkaban job and the beta reading job. 

If there is one positive thing I can say about the life I’ve had, it’s that it made me a better person. As much as I wish I’d had the happy carefree life everyone else seems to have had, I have to admit that it’s made me who I am – for the better, not just the worse. Every time I’ve been knocked down I’ve gotten back up and it’s a strength I gained from never having anyone to help me. So now when I see someone else who’s down and out, I offer them a compassionate hand because I know how it feels and I believe that in their darkest moments nobody should ever be alone. Empathy is a gift and I share it with others, but it’s a gift that comes with a terrible price that only those who possess it know… Because to empathize with someone’s pain, you need to have experienced it yourself and that is the hidden price that compassionate people have paid to be who they are. So as much as I wouldn’t want to go back and relive them all again, I wouldn’t undo my life’s painful experiences either because I know that ultimately I wouldn’t be the same person without them.
things bitty has experienced bc of the ~soft closet~
  • i have seen posts about bitty’s parents beating him up for coming out
  • i have seen posts about bitty’s parents being perfectly accepting
  • i suspect the reality is somewhere in the middle
    • the ~soft closet~
  • i am from the Baby Bible Belt– my town (and family) is incredibly conservative, but not like violently homophobic, i understand this middle ground, i am here to contribute
  • under a cut bc this got way too long and way too personal!! awesome!!

Keep reading

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 3

And we did it again, amigos! 

  1. “My sock is missing.”
  2. “I must say it can be rather therapeutic”
  3. “Shit, they spotted us. Quick, put your Obama mask on.”
  4. “You raided my village, killed my parents and slaughtered tens of innocent people. I was able to forgive you for all of that-tell myself it was in your nature. But then you did something heinous. Something beyond all possible hope of redemption. You killed my dog.”
  5. “What do you mean you accidentally assassinated the Pope!?”
  6. “I would love to give a fuck about you but sadly my last one went off to war and never returned”
  7. “If you think I’ll stop my quest for world domination for a bag of cookies, you are,,, right… Now, gimme that!”
  8. “What are you doing with that rubber duckie toy– OH DEAR GOD LORD HAVE MERCY”
  9. “I’m more afraid of myself than you.”
  10. “I already told you, there’s nothing we can do about the fights. We COULD if you stopped spoiling shows and books to everyone.”
  11. “You, my friend, are the most unnecessary when it comes to your excessively sassy attitude.”
  12. “I love you.” “…..What? OH APRIL FOOLS.”
  13. “What is this, a concert for ants???”
  14. “I made it! I’m in the list! This is being a great day since I remembered it’s a Thursday, not a Monday!”
  15. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s just that, well, I’ve got a sink full of dishes and a cat to wash.”
  16. “When you said i had pretty eyes i thought you were complimenting me,not trying to buy them!”
  17. “The wolves eat tonight.”
  18. “Gee, thanks for nearly killing me because of ____!” “Listen up here, are you dead? You’d better be greateful you’re still alive tou little shit.”
  19. "When you said you could fly, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
  20. “Sarah, I love you and all but hOW ON EARTH DO YOU KEEP SENDING OUR PETS TO SPACE?!”
  21. “Look, just because you kidnapped me doesn’t mean I’m going to marry you.”
  22. “How in God’s name did you even get up there?!”
  23. “I think I misplaced my right hand”
  24. “I did it! I got into university!” “That’s great! What course?” “Uh… Would it be a bad thing if I told you that… Dark magic and villainy?”
  25. “Well, it just so happens that I have been a homeless man for three years now. That must mean I’m the chosen one!”
  26. “Have your eyes always been that colour?”
  27. “I’m going to fight the sun!”
  28. “You can’t just run around punching people you don’t like, ____!”
  29. “I’m not into that kinda thing.”
  30. “Dude why did you eat all that cake on your own?”
  31. “I just wanted to know if we could use a plastic knife”
  32. “Uhhhh, guys? Don’t hate me, but I think I just released Satan”
  33. “Well, fine… Just wait a little bit before you do something stupid.” “…”
  34. “What do you mean there’s no bacon flavored ice cream!?”
  35. “What do you mean you’re my sister? I don’t have a sister!”
  36. “Why the hell do we need a duck to hunt Bigfoot?”
  37. “Oh, so you can do pink explosions too”
  38. “This isn’t my kitchen, is it?”
  39. “Ohhh, so THAT’S what you meant by ‘shooting starts’.”
  40. “ACHOO” “bless you” “Thank you, wait a minute I live alone”
  41. “Put my creepy cat in a different room? Don’t be silly! I don’t even have a cat!”
  42. “Katie, please stop shooting me with tranquilizer darts.”
  43. “Why did you think it was a good idea to only bring a potato to this heist?”
  44. “Okay, we make this promise now - nobody look at that fucking goat ever again.”
  45. “Sarah, why is the cat naked?”
  46. “Wait. You’re aroused?”
  47. “Why would that surprise you?”
  48. “It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
  49. “okay so let me get this straight, you’re not actually my long lost twin…” “yes.” “…because you’re me from another dimension” “…yes.”
  50. “I’m sorry, but did that thing just talk?”
  51. “I thought we promised to never speak of that incident again!”
  52. "Sweetheart”“Yes dear”“Some of your morally challenged friends are trying to kidnap me again.”“And?”“And!?”“You’re a big girl, you can take care of yourself.”“Of course I can, but the gesture would have been nice!”
  53. “how many epilepsy pills can you take before you overdose?” “Just one or two.” “I’m gonna have to call you back.”
  54. “…I was GOING to ask why there’s a pink goo all over the kitchen floor but I think that can wait whilst I ask what the FUCK IS GOING ON?”
  55. “For the last time, can you stop calling that thing 'human’”
  56. “Okay, that is a seriously dodgy looking hat-are you certain you’re right about this?”
  57. “Really Darling, you can stop trying to scream, we’ve already espablished that no one cares and it’s giving you unflattering lines on your forehead.”
  58. “_______, why am I on the ceiling?”
  59. “What the heck happened while I was at the store?
  60. "What the actual fuck!” “I did warn-” “Yes I know you said you were crazy, but this…. This is…” “Just another Tuesday. Oh we’re late for tea!” “With who?!” “With the Queen of course, who else?”
  61. “Despreate times call for cows.”
  62. “Did you burn the last piece of toast again?”
  63. “You didn’t TELL me there’d be free food!”
  64. “Did Jesus really die for this bullshit?”
  65. “Do you want the apocalypse?!! Because that’s how you get the apocalypse!!!”
  66. “Goddamit, I’m dead again aren’t I? How the hell did I do it this time?”
  67. “Dude, no.”
  68. “I may be a horrible person, but at least I am an honest one.”
  69. “I told you, I dress to kill, now fetch me my fancy stilettos, mama’s gonna slay tonight!”
  70. “I left the room for 3 minutes and you really want to tell me you started a war with every single planet?” “Well, I told you 3 months ago to not leave me alone.” “And I told you I have to use the bathroom 3 months ago!”
  71. “Wow, only took 3 minutes to destroy the world.” “Let’s see if I can do it in 2!”
  72. “So… Wh-Why- How did you flush the duck down the toilet?”
  73. “dude. i liked that carpet. do you know how hard it is to wash bloodstains out of carpets.”
  74. “Don’t worry, it’s much worse than it looks.”
  75. “What are you doing ___?” “I’m camping.” “No you’re beside tree with a blank-” “CAMPING”
  76. “WHAT THE FUCK IS A DUCKPOTATO”
  77. “PUT THE PUPPY DOWN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!”
  78. “PLEASE DON’T HANG UP! YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE IN DANGER!”
  79. “What the hell kind of scream was that? And how did you make it?! ”
  80. “Hey, uhm… Hate to interrupt your conversation, but why the fuck is there a giraffe on the soup aisle”
  81. “You mean to tell me that somebody decided it was a good idea to cross plums and apricots, but nobody can figure out why my cat has RABBIT ears?”
  82. “Sorry but um… why is there a fox and a bear singing Ooh la la by Britney Spears on the balcony? And where is my chicken, Pudding?!”
  83. “Where did you get LIGHT-UP COMBAT BOOTS? THEY CHANGE COLOR?!”
  84. “So you’re telling me there was a genie trapped in that can of soup? And you accidentally ATE THE GENIE?!”
  85. “Listen…don’t take this the wrong way, but…I love the OTHER you better.”
  86. “Tell me why,  exactly, did you need the rubber chicken? ”
  87. “Look, I’m not a liar, alright?  And I ain’t overdramatic or hyperbolic or whatever else you wanna call me.  So when I say I would sell my soul for a pancake right now, I mean I will literally sell my soul for a pancake right now.  And maybe a million dollars.”
  88. “Wait a second, you’re telling me that….. YOU’VE BEEN DATING SATAN BEHIND MY BACK FOR FOUR WHOLE YEARS?!!!”
  89. “Well dad did say he would be gone for five days…what the hell? Let’s go to the corner store!”
  90. “Why did you buy 74 melons?!”
  91. “Where’s the toaster?” “It’s in the kitchen… Why do you have a fork?” “K, thanks.”
  92. “Death, out of all the things in this world, why are so afraid of ____?”
  93. “This floor is like my life; Cold and Hard.”
  94. “So you’re telling me that I am the only thing that is preventing a Third World War, right?” “Yeah, pretty much.”
  95. “I don’t know your name and you don’t know mine but I promise it will turn out okay.”
  96. “Little did you know, they were slowly turning into werewolves.”
  97. “Umm… I may have possibly accidentally blown up another planet”
  98. “I told you not to do that… now look, you’ve lost your hand!”
  99. “Every time you speak I literally die a little”
  100. “One baby soul please, Adult souls give me gas!”

“I need you, yes you (you should feel targeted), to come up with a new dialogue prompt for part 4 and leave it in the comments below. It’s fun and the first 100 replies will make the next list. As always, one prompt per amigo and don’t forget the doubles quotes “”. Pantoffel” (Click here for part 1 and here for part 2)

Rules For A Gunfight by Drill Instructor Joe B. Fricks, USMC

1. Forget about knives, bats and fists. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns. Bring four times the ammunition you think you could ever need.

2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammunition is cheap – life is expensive. If you shoot inside, buckshot is your friend. A new wall is cheap – funerals are expensive.

3. Only hits count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.

4. If your shooting stance is good, you’re probably not moving fast enough or using cover correctly.

5. Move away from your attacker and go to cover. Distance is your friend. (Bulletproof cover and diagonal or lateral movement are preferred.)

6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a semi or full-automatic long gun and a friend with a long gun.

7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running. Yell “Fire!” Why “Fire”? Cops will come with the Fire Department, sirens often scare off the bad guys, or at least cause then to lose concentration and will…. and who is going to summon help if you yell ”Intruder,” “Glock” or “Winchester?”

9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on “pucker factor” than the inherent accuracy of the gun.

10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

11. Always cheat, always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

12. Have a plan.

13. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won’t work. “No battle plan ever survives 10 seconds past first contact with an enemy.”

14. Use cover or concealment as much as possible, but remember, sheetrock walls and the like stop nothing but your pulse when bullets tear through them.

15. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

16. Don’t drop your guard.

17. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees. Practice reloading one-handed and off-hand shooting. That’s how you live if hit in your “good” side.

18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. Smiles, frowns and other facial expressions don’t (In God we trust. Everyone else keep your hands where I can see them.)

19. Decide NOW to always be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.

20. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.

21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet if necessary, because they may want to kill you.

22. Be courteous to everyone, overly friendly to no one.

23. Your number one option for personal security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.

24. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with anything smaller than ”4″.

25. Use a gun that works EVERY TIME. “All skill is in vain when an Angel blows the powder from the flintlock of your musket.” At a practice session, throw your gun into the mud, then make sure it still works. You can clean it later.

26. Practice shooting in the dark, with someone shouting at you, when out of breath, etc.

27. Regardless of whether justified or not, you will feel sad about killing another human being. It is better to be sad than to be room temperature.

28. The only thing you EVER say afterwards is, “He said he was going to kill me. I believed him. I’m sorry, Officer, but I’m very upset now. I can’t say anything more. Please speak with my attorney.”

Finally, Drill Instructor Frick’s Rules For Un-armed Combat.

1: Never be unarmed.

I’ve spent most of my life chasing the person I want to be. Because 20-year-old me will have better friends, and 25-year-old me will land a killer job, and 30-year-old me will be madly in love. And me 6 months from now will be skinnier, and me a year from now will be more confident, and me some time from now will be better somehow. So much better. For years, this is what I thought. That if I could just wait it out, everything would get better.
     It took me a long time to realize that life doesn’t work that way. Older doesn’t mean happier or easier, and it certainly doesn’t mean better; it just means older. Life isn’t a well plotted screen play, or a checklist, or, God forbid, some waiting room. We have got to stop waiting. Because life isn’t about growing up to be all that we’ve ever wanted; it’s just about growing.
     It’s about love, and change, and crying yourself to sleep when it’s all too much. And working at a burger joint, and kissing your best friend even though he might not like you back, and calling your mom every Sunday because you miss her like hell. It’s fights, and promotions, and hospital visits. And then it’s this: another wedding of another one of your college friends, the third one this year, but this time you meet a groomsman who’s just as down on love and you dance all night. And this: he cries when you say “I do.” And this: a kid with your eyes and his dorky ears.
      Or maybe not. Maybe it’s this: you write everything, everywhere, all the time, even when the prettier kids make fun of you, and the short teacher with the big nose tells you it’s good. Really good. And this: you’re living in a shoebox, by the skin of your teeth, but there’s a bar across the street that lets you read your poetry, and every time you do, someone in the crowd finally knows what it feels like to be understood. And this: your words being published. Your words. Being bought by people who could be spending their money on anything at all. And you sit in your twin bed where you’ve written your entire novel, a dozen empty coffee mugs still dirty on the nightstand, and you scream until your lungs burn.
      It’s all of these things, and bad things, and good things, and the raw realization that it doesn’t get better or worse, it just gets different. It just changes. Always, always changes. And somehow that makes it more wonderful. Because future you may have the friends, and the boy, and the job, but she didn’t get it by waiting around. She is a product of you. Right now, tomorrow, changing and growing every moment that follows. She is kind, and breathing, and beautiful. But she waits for the day she doesn’t have to worry about paying a mortgage bill, and she worries too often about what people think of her. She still doesn’t have it together.
     And maybe that’s what I’ve learned after all this time: nobody has it together. We’re all just here, floundering around in pursuit of being something more. Broken, thoughtful creatures with too much time on our hands, desperate for the companionship of someone who reminds us that we are not alone. We don’t have much of anything figured out. Maybe we never will. But more importantly, I think that’s how it’s supposed to be.
—  ramblings of an overthinker

it gets easier to talk about but it also gets harder to talk about. i have to unfold things carefully, but the map shows better. here’s the first time i got hit by a parent, here’s the first time i got hit by a partner. they’re around the corner from each other, mirror images or hands holding or two sides of a blade. the look on people’s faces always is the same when they find out. like the words hurt them in the pit of their stomach. i feel bad when it does that; i know what it’s like to be suckerpunched. often i comfort people right after: oh, no, it’s okay, i’m okay now, it’s fine, i’m all in one piece, i got out, i’m a resilience child, i learned kindness, i found inner peace, i meditate twice a day, i do yoga and drink kale shakes and eat as if nobody ever made my teeth bleed. some of these are lies, but that is fine too, because it’s better that people don’t know an ugly truth.

sometimes i forget who in the room knows. i laugh about what happened like a punchline (get it) and people stare at me with mouths open like moons. oh my god, did that really happen to you? i don’t know. sometimes it feels like it happened to someone else, out on a distant planet. sometimes it feels like it never happened at all. sometimes it feels like it’s still happening. how can you laugh at that? and is that true? how do i say “because if i don’t laugh it’s serious” because of course it’s true. for proof: raise your hand a fraction too smooth. watch the shadow pass over my face. watch me curl away. watch me change. like a chameleon girl, i shift my shape. someone who doesn’t know laughs. you’re certainly jumpy. the girl at the table who helped me cover the bruise stares at me, watching my chest, trying to figure out if i’m panicking. he’s confused when quiet are you okay questions touch my skin - only those who know, only those who are watching.

and i smile, because it’s easier to talk about but it’s harder to admit it still effects me. memories should be left in the kingdom of dreams. sometimes i feel like i should be done with it already. i stare at a picture of cartoons that says if you don’t know these, you didn’t have a childhood. i know all but two of them. some of them i watched after it happened. i really liked scooby doo. in the end, the mask comes off and the bad guy is revealed and he goes to jail. in real life, i wait for someone to come take his mask off. it just makes him mean. the blue lights of the law never show up on the green of our lawn. i had a pretty good childhood, i think. it made me interesting, at least. i picked blueberries.

i laugh about it a lot. talk about how it’s funny that if you got abused there’s just, like, a second round of partner abuse, sitting out there, waiting for you. that you’re the most likely to pick an abuser from the crowd - or worse, like beauty and the beast, watch yourself become her. see your rotten hands and think of your father. isn’t that funny! that i can take a hit and i’d rather take a lifetime of them than be the one doing the giving just once. i talk about how you walk in the eclipse of it. that it confuses you when the sun comes out. that when you find someone who won’t hurt you, you still walk on eggshells, waiting for them to hurt you. i say it through a smile, because if you bend yourself the right way, your life looks more like comedy-drama than just plain tragedy. i watch fantastic beasts and where to find them and when the abused child turns out to be beyond saving, i hear myself laugh in a bark. or it was a sob. i can’t tell. it doesn’t matter. in my world, children like me learned about magic early, and how our own actions can turn a man from a gentle person into a savage beast. 

okay, i say, smiling, maybe if you put it that way, yeah, i was abused and it wasn’t funny. but come on. think of the puns! you could say my life was really a hit! now don’t be upset. it’s funny. it’s funny. it’s funny.

13 Reasons Why controversy

Because the response to 13 Reasons Why has been so controversial, I’d just like to point out some things.

As explained in 13 Reasons Why: Beyond the Reasons, the suicide scene was shown BECAUSE they wanted it to be painful for the audience to watch, as well as the rape scenes. Not because they wanted to be gruesome or inconsiderate, but because it is REALITY for so many people in the world and a lot of people like to pretend these things don’t exist or shield themselves from the reality of it; they ignore it because they’ve never gone through it, so they don’t care so much. So then when they see these scenes, they will be made uncomfortable and see what people are really truly experiencing and that it is not something that should at all be sugarcoated or ignored. IT IS REAL.

Secondly, for those saying it’s disgusting for them to show these scenes, THERE ARE WARNINGS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODES THAT SHOW RAPE AND/OR SUICIDE TO NOT WATCH IF IT WILL AFFECT THE VIEWER IN ANY WAY. These warnings are given specifically so that if you are not comfortable watching or believe it would cause a trigger, you should not even watch. So the fact that people are bashing the show for showing these scenes in relation to them being a trigger, the warnings are already made very clear in the beginning. They did take this step to make sure it wouldn’t just pop up and be any sort of triggers. The producers knew very well to be wary of that.
The show also worked with a lot of psychiatrists, psychologists, and leading experts in teen-suicide prevention. Though this still may not be enough for you to think they did everything right, they again did have the warnings. They are very aware that it could cause triggers and put some people in danger, but THAT IS WHAT THE WARNINGS ARE FOR. DO NOT WATCH IF IT COULD DANGER YOU. VIEWER’S DISCRETION IS ALWAYS ADVISED.

THE SHOW WAS NOT CREATED FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES. IT IS TO SPREAD AWARENESS FOR ALL THE ISSUES (suicide, rape, bullying) AND POINT OUT HOW LITTLE THE SIGNS CAN BE AND HOW MUCH MORE CAREFUL AND HELPFUL EVERYONE IN THE WORLD NEEDS TO BE TO THE PEOPLE AROUND US. As also talked about in Beyond the Reasons, they want to promote teaching boys the proper ways to approach a girl and gain permission to become intimate with her, always getting the YES to teach boys respect for women. This is very important because as most people know, it has always been extremely hard for rape victims to get help because of the “what were you wearing” “were you flirting” “did you lead him on” “did you directly say no” arguments that are so wrongfully executed—instead, 13 Reasons Why knows that this is an issue, as somewhat shown in the scene with Mr. Porter as he questions Hannah. So in the after show, they speak about how parents need to be teaching their children more about consent and less about just protecting yourself, covering up, etc. They are aware that the real issue is with proper consent, and that is a very important message to get across.

Coming from someone who has battled depression and suicidal thoughts and attempts, I must also point out that EVERY SINGLE PERSON, EXPERIENCES, THOUGHTS, REACTIONS, ETC ARE DIFFERENT. What one person suffering depression thinks may be different than another. Hannah Baker’s story is very unique in many ways yet also extremely relatable in many ways to many, many people and girls around the world. JUST BECAUSE YOUR STORY MAY BE DIFFERENT DOES NOT MEAN HERS IS INCORRECT OR LESS/MORE THAN ANOTHER’S. There are a lot of people who can relate to feeling as though you are NOTHING and of no worth to the people around you, just a burden that only disappoints everyone and makes their lives worse. This is a very real state of being and depression and feeling of complete worthlessness that people can reach in their lives, especially some young teenage girls, like Hannah Baker, and even myself, that will lead to suicidal thoughts, attempts, or completely following through with, like Hannah. They believe the world and their loved ones would be better off without them. Again, as someone who has attempted suicide as a teenager and worked for years to fight depression and overcome it, I can say that while the suicide scene did make me uncomfortable and was extremely painful to watch, I was not offended. I knew of the warning at the beginning of the episode, read it, and continued to watch because EVERYONE HANDLES THESE THINGS DIFFERENTLY. I UNDERSTOOD the purpose of including the scene and making it so graphic and realistic. IT’S REALITY, THIS IS HAPPENING TO PEOPLE EVERYDAY AND IT SHOULD NOT BE SUGARCOATED OR SHIELDED FROM THE WORLD; it needs to be made more AWARE OF by those who like to turn a blind eye to it, but it is exposed WITH WARNING. So again, if some feel as though a scene like this would be a trigger, IT IS ADVISED YOU DO NOT WATCH. Everyone is affected differently and they did not just insert it with no consideration for the affect it could have on those battling the same wars as Hannah.

To say Clay was an easy solution and could have saved Hannah by loving her—no, he could not have saved her by just loving her, that is not what this story is even saying. Hannah does explain at the end of her last tape as she exits the school that some people cared, but she felt it was only mediocre, not enough for her to want to stay and feel NEEDED and truly LOVED. So no, they are not saying Clay could have kept her alive by simply loving her, or that love can save someone, it is much more complex than that. What they are saying is that people can care, but not showing how much they truly care can affect someone in the ways it affected Hannah. It was not just one boy’s love that could have saved her, but the love and care of many people, for them to show that they truly cared about her being alive and DID NOT see her as worthless, an object, just another person on earth. She needed to feel as though they NEEDED her to stay, that they genuinely cared about her as a person and that her life was truly worth something, because she did not feel it was. When Clay says he could have kept her alive if he wasn’t so afraid to tell her he loved her, he simply means he could have given her a sense of hope, a sense of belonging on the earth, that someone truly, whole-heartedly valued her life and her as a human being, not an object.

The actress who plays Jessica also explained that she reached out to a family member who is an actual rape survivor, and she stated that she was pleased that the show was “not shying away from the ugliness” of these scenes because viewers will see what these people really go through–again, another topic that is usually sugarcoated and instead needs to be addressed.

13 Reasons Why is a unique way of telling the story of a teenage girl who committed suicide, and the reasoning for bringing it to screen was MOSTLY to promote awareness and shine light on things that are not talked about enough that the youth suffers every single day, things adults see as “normal teenager struggles,” “small stuff,” “it only feels like the end of the world and really isn’t,” etc. This show is being spread more than even expected, and that is a very good thing for those who are in need of help and have parents or peers that once ignored their problems and will now tend to them.


**an issue cannot be tended to/made aware of/more properly prevented if it is just sugarcoated rather than slapped in people’s faces (those who don’t realize how severe it is) like this show does. it can really change things and leave an impact.

**if you are at risk for triggers and do not feel you are currently healthy enough to watch this show, please take care of yourself and do not watch. or, skip episodes 9, 12, and 13 and read up on them instead. these are the episodes that can be triggers for those at risk, if you weren’t yet aware.

**also feel free to stop by my inbox and talk to me if you need someone to talk to, or just would like to speak more on the subject.

◆ —— CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL QUOTES STARTER PROMPTS.

❛ They’re safe ❜  
❛ She’s/he’s/they’re safe, just like I promised. ❜
❛ And you get to die for her/him/them, just like you promised. ❜
❛ We’re all men/woman of our word. ❜
❛ This is either madness or brilliance. ❜
❛ It’s remarkable how often those two traits coincide. ❜
❛ Me? I’m dishonest. ❜
❛ And a dishonest man/woman/person you can always trust to be dishonest. ❜
❛ It’s the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly.. stupid. ❜
❛ This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost caught NAME. ❜
❛ You cheated. ❜
❛ Pirate. ❜
❛ You are without doubt the worst pirate I’ve ever heard of. ❜
❛ What’s your purpose? ❜
❛ I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships. ❜
❛ I confess, it is my intention to raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out. ❜
❛ I said no lies. ❜
❛ I think he’s telling the truth. ❜
❛ If he/she/they were telling the truth, he/she/they wouldn’t have told us. ❜
❛ That’s not true. ❜
❛ I am not obsessed with treasure. ❜
❛ Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate. ❜
❛ You’re supposed to be dead! ❜
❛ The only rules that matter are these: what a man/woman/person can do and what a man/woman/person can’t do. ❜
❛ Pirate is in your blood, boy. ❜
❛ I can let you drown. ❜
❛ So, can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not? ❜
❛ Drink up, me hearties. Yo ho. ❜
❛ You burned all the food, the shade.. the rum! ❜
❛ Yes, the rum is gone. ❜
❛ Why is the rum gone? ❜
❛ It is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. ❜
❛ The entire Royal Navy is out looking for me. ❜
❛ Do you really think there is even the slightest chance they won’t see it? ❜
❛ There’ll be no living with him/her/them after this. ❜
❛ I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against PLACE. ❜
❛ There are a lot of long words in there, Miss/Mr. ❜
❛ We’re naught but humble pirates. ❜
❛ What is it that you want? ❜
❛ I want you to leave and never come back. ❜
❛ I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Mean’s no. ❜
❛ I didn’t steal it, if that’s what you mean. ❜
❛ Too long I’ve been starving to death and haven’t died. ❜
❛ I feel nothing. ❜
❛ You best start believing in ghost stories, NAME. You’re in one. ❜
❛ No survivors? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder? ❜
❛ If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it. ❜
❛ I want you to know that I was rooting for you. Know that. ❜
❛ It never would have worked between us, darling. ❜
❛ I’m terribly sorry, I didn’t know. ❜
❛ How far are you willing to go to save her/him/them? ❜
❛ I’d die for her/him/them. ❜
❛ You need to find yourself a girl/boy, mate. ❜
❛ Who are you? ❜
❛ No one. He’s no one. Distant cousin of my aunt’s nephew twice removed. Lovely singing voice. Eunuch. ❜
❛ A wedding? I love weddings. Drinks all around! ❜
❛ I love this song. ❜
❛ You’ll be positively the most fearsome pirates in the Spanish Main. ❜
❛ You stole my boat! ❜
❛ I borrowed. Borrowed without permission, but with every intention of bringing it back. ❜
❛ It’s frightful bad luck to have a woman on board. ❜
❛ She/he/they go free. ❜
❛ You only got one shot. ❜
❛ We can’t die. ❜
❛ Don’t do anything stupid. ❜
❛ The crew are not to be harmed. ❜
❛ Curse you for breathin’, ya slack-jawed idiot. ❜
❛ You should know better than to wake a man when he’s sleepin’. It’s bad luck. ❜
❛ Savvy? ❜
❛ It’s not worth you getting beat again. ❜
❛ You didn’t beat me. ❜
❛ You ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fair, I’d kill you. ❜
❛ That’s not much incentive for me to fight fair then, is it? ❜
❛ The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers. ❜
❛ You know nothing of hell. ❜
❛ How can we sail to an island that nobody can find with a compass that doesn’t work? ❜
❛ I’m actually feeling rather good about this. ❜
❛ You could surrender. ❜
❛ I’m gonna teach you the meaning of pain. ❜
❛ You like pain? Try wearing a corset. ❜
❛ Wretch. ❜
❛ I couldn’t resist, mate. ❜
❛ That’s got to be the best pirate I’ve ever seen. ❜
❛ I cannot just step aside and let you escape. ❜
❛ This shot was not meant for you. ❜
❛ You’re pirates. ❜
❛ Hang the code, and hang the rules. They’re more like guidelines, anyway. ❜
❛ You lying bastard! ❜
❛ Don’t dare impugn me honor, boy/girl! ❜
❛ I always liked you. ❜
❛ It goes with your black heart. ❜
❛ I really rather hoped we were past all this. ❜
❛ Perhaps you’ll conjure up another miraculous escape, but I doubt it. ❜
❛ Do us a favor. I know it’s difficult for you… but please, stay here, and try not to do anything… stupid. ❜
❛ Even a good decision if made for the wrong reasons can be a wrong decision. ❜
❛ Any man who falls behind, is left behind. ❜
❛ Take what you can! Give nothin’ back. ❜
❛ I hardly believe in ghost stories. ❜
❛ We are cursed men. ❜
❛ Will you be saving her/him then? ❜
❛ I can’t swim. ❜
❛ I’m watching over you. ❜
❛ I should have told you from the moment I met you. I love you. ❜
❛ Hang him. ❜
❛ Keep your guns on him, men. ❜
❛ How did you escape last time? ❜
❛ This man/woman/person saved my life. ❜
❛ One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness. ❜
❛ Come out… and we promise we won’t hurt you. ❜
❛ I invoke the right of parlay. ❜
❛ I can’t breathe. ❜
❛ You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before? ❜
❛ I had a dream about you last night. ❜
❛ You don’t want to be doing that, mate. ❜
❛ I’m curious. After killing me, what is it you’re planning on doing next? ❜
❛ Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death? ❜
❛ You forget your place. ❜
❛ So, this is where your heart truly lies? ❜
❛ I already feel like a fool. ❜
❛ I admire a person who’s willing to do whatever’s necessary. ❜
❛ You’re a smart man/woman/person, but I don’t entirely trust you. ❜
❛ I’m not sure I deserved that. ❜
❛ I may have deserved that. ❜
❛ You’re safe now. ❜
❛ You’re despicable. ❜
❛ I saved your life, you saved mine. We’re square. ❜
❛ I can get you out of here. ❜
❛ I’d need a lot more to drink. ❜
❛ It was a good plan.. up ‘till now. ❜
❛ Do not make the mistake in thinking you are the only man here who cares for NAME. ❜
❛ Is there a problem between us? ❜
❛ Every decision you’ve made has only brought us from bad to worse. ❜
❛ Easy on the goods, darling. ❜
❛ I’m not entirely sure that I’ve had enough rum to allow that kind of talk. ❜
❛ He’s still breathing. ❜
❛ Easy on the goods, darling. ❜

heartbeat

a/n: this is just soft boys being soft tbh. i needed it so here it is- soft richie for the win! fluff/a little bit of angst

warnings: homophobia (very brief)

september

Eddie is in love. Richie is staring down him, dark curls enveloping his freckled face, thin lips pressed into a tight smile, adoration in his eyes, and Eddie is in love. Eddie wants to mumble something along the lines of:  “Get off me, trashmouth,” but the words cannot surpass his love-struck mouth. There is a certain look in Richie’s eyes that wills Eddie to stay quiet, hands pressed to hands, bodies flushed. He has never known a love like this before.

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Imagine Bill talking about how nervous he was during your first meeting and letting it slip he has a crush on you during an interview.

Originally posted by karlmordo

“So I- I didn’t ask you at first and don’t think anybody has let it go-” Jimmy said with a chuckle and Bill grinned to himself, nodding his head “But uh you said you met (Y/n) almost eight years ago? That’s- that’s a very long time you know.”

“Uh yeah” Bill rubbed the back of his neck a little nervously “My father had uhm he had invited me actually on set, to bemore specific, and I could never miss a chance like that. And- and that’s where I met her.”

“Hmh” Jimmy nodded his head “On the- on the set of Thor, right? Her character, and her as a person, has many fans that love her and is quite famous and so are you. Yet nobody has noticed a thing for all this time, it’s quite remarkable how you kept so low you know?”

“Oh uh” he chuckled “Well, it wasn’t that easy I will tell you. But we uhm had a friendship that we really wanted to last and for us to enjoy it we- we made the decision to be as subtle about it as possible. Our families knew of course, and so did our- our friends but uhm-” he cleared his throat, trying not to get off topic and let something slip of the two of you being more than just friends “It was all sort of- sort of us… living the moment every time, trying to make it just about… us?” he tried to explain with hand motions, hoping it didn’t come out so much as it being more than a friendship.

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Harry Smut// Anonymous

Masterlist || Part 2 (as requested)

A/N: Okay bIG MOOD

8:30 showed on your phone as you sat at the hotel lobby bar. A pianist played classical music in the corner of the room softly. The piece sounded familiar, but you couldn’t focus on the harmony. Your legs were a little chilly on the metal chair in your olive dress. You pulled down the hem wondering if it was too much for tonight; you told him to dress up, but you wondered if what you had on was too much.

Did it matter anyway? He was now fifteen minutes late at a 30 became a 31 on your clock. The bartender almost passed you until you caught his attention. 

“Dirty martini please,” you told him, tapping your coaster.

He nodded before starting to make your drink. Your patience was wavering. He hadn’t texted you or messaged you about being late or on his way. A simple text just saying, “traffic is horrible. be there in five,” would suffice. 

Your drink was delivered faster than you thought it would, but there was still no one walking into the hotel. You were the only one at the bar. Some had come to get a drink, but they were swept away by others, and that’s all you wanted. You wanted to be swept by someone; you wanted someone that demanded your attention but you always demanded theirs. 

“Scotch, straight,” a man dressed in a suit and tie said as he walked up behind you to order. He laid down some cash next to your drink; you weren’t an expert on the price of a scotch, but you were sure he laid down too much, “and hers as well,” he finished.

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Don’t Go[Bill Denbrough]

A/N: I love my small children

|Don’t go,puh-puh-please…|

Originally posted by scerek

Y/N had spent most of her childhood years in Derry. Despite all the murders,the bullies,the depression that always ran through her because of it,she loved her birthplace. The bond between Derry and Y/N was strong,the girl loved the small town unconditionally,almost blindly. Derry was her weakness. Her priority. Her number one.

Adoring Derry also meant loving the people living in it. Specifically, a bunch of kids,a bunch of losers who Y/N swore she would never forget;Stan,Eddie,Ben,Bev,Richie,Mike and Bill…

Bill. Bill Denbrough. Her best friend. Her crush. The love of her life,maybe. Bill was just too perfect. With his beautiful eyes,his adorable stuttering…To her,he was the perfect boy. He was always kind and sweet to her… But then she would remind herself that she was just a young girl. Having feelings towards a boy was stupid. That’s what her mother said.

Knowing that she had to leave everybody behind hurt too much. She got so attached to her friends,that when the time came and she had to announce the breaking news,she just couldn’t help but sob and cry uncontrollably. Eddie had put his aspirator in her mouth,hoping it would help her calm down,but it was no use.

“Please don’t cry…” Beverly had told her as she hugged her tightly.

“You don’t understand…” Y/N said,wiping away a few tears using the sleeves of her long jacket. “I’m gonna live with my mom’s sister. That bloody woman is gonna make my life a living hell…”

Nobody said anything except for Beverly who just whispered a weak “i know”. And it was true. Because she knew how home could easily turn into inferno. But she didn’t wanna tell.

“I’m gonna miss you guys. You have no idea how much…” She said and sniffed.

“We’re gonna muh-muh-miss you t-too Y/N. ” Said Bill and the girl felt her heart breaking into millions of pieces. The hardest part of the whole thing was leaving Bill. He was the first person she met from the losers’ club and knowing that she would probably never see him again was killing her. Knowing that she would see none of her friends again was killing her.

The honk of her mother’s car brought her back to reality. She was about to go,right. She was just saying her last goodbyes to her friends. She turned back and raised her left hand,motioning that she needed five more minutes. Her mom waved back at her and gave her a thumbs up.

“So…That’s it,i guess…” Y/N shrugged and put her hands on her hips.

Hesitantly,Stan was the first who hugged her after Bev. Y/N gave him a sad smile as she wrapped her arms around him,a few more tears escaping her eyes.

“You can be such a diva sometimes but i’m gonna miss you like hell, Stanley…”

Then it was Richie,who tried to imitate Y/N’s voice but failed,causing everyone to burst out laughing.

“Don’t miss me too much trashmouth…”

Then, she warmly embraced Ben,“you’re gonna be a freakin’ model one day.” and Mike, saying “When i come back,you better be the town’s sheriff or else i’m gonna beat you up…”

She knew it was the last time looking at their faces. Nobody told her that,of course. If anything,her mother had promised her that she would return,eventually.

“When things get safe in Derry,i’m coming to get you.”

But Y/N was a pessimist. All she could see was a life full of misery in a house without windows,accompanied by someone who wouldn’t give a damn if she died. She knew herself more than anyone. And to her,it was just a fact that her life outside Derry wouldn’t last for long. Believe it or not,she had accepted it.

She also knew she wouldn’t be there to watch her friends defeat the beast. Yes,she was sure they would win the war. IT wasn’t gonna get away with all those murders this time. And even though the losers’ club wouldn’t be the same without her,that’s what Bill said,she highly doubted that the bond between them would break.

She got so lost in her thoughts,that she didn’t feel two arms being wrapped around her small form. It wasn’t until the person who owned them spoke into her ear,that she came back to her senses.

Don’t go,puh-puh-please…” His voice was low and sounded desperate.

Y/N felt her chest tighten. She wanted to let it all out,the sobs,the screams,the thoughts that haunted her mind. But she couldn’t. She decided to try and stay as composed as possible. She didn’t want her friends to realize she was crying for them. She had always been the strong one,yet this past few minutes showed otherwise. But that’s how she wanted them to remember her,unbreakable till the end.

But when her body touched Bill’s,when he burried his warm face in her neck,she couldn’t help but cry. She tried to hold it in but failed miserably.

“You’re gonna be everything you want to be one day,i promise.” She said,her voice cracking.

“Y/N,we’re gonna be late!” Her mother’s voice slightly startled her and she immediately pulled away. So did Bill. The sadness on his face couldn’t be hid.

Y/N gave everyone a sad smile,as she started taking a few steps backwards.

“Always a loser?” shouted Richie and she nodded.

“Always a loser.” She repeated. Throwing one last glance at them,she turned around and started walking away. She put her right hand in her pocket,kicking some pebbles with her foot

“Billy,are you coming?” She heard Eddie ask.

“No,i’ll catch up with you guys
l-l-ater.” He replied.

Y/N blinked.

She stopped dead in her tracks,feeling like she couldn’t breathe.

Was he…Was Bill…

A hand softly took her wrist and slowly spun her around,almost as if the person was afraid to see her crying face.

Y/N frowned,her heart sinking. Why couldn’t he just let go? Why was he making things harder than they already were?

“I f-forgot to g-g-give you something.” He whispered,never letting go of her trembling hand.

“I don’t want you to give me anything,Billy. I won’t forget you.” She said,avoiding his gaze.

“N-n-no,i’ve b-b-been truh-trying to g-give you this s-since the day we m-m-met…”

Y/N looked up at him,confused.

“Your stuttering is getting worse,are you-”

She didn’t manage to finish her question because his soft lips were on hers. It was quick and rather she short but to Y/N,it meant the world. Not even in her dreams,had Bill Denbrough kissed her.

Even though the kiss was salty,due to her tears,her heart was beating so fast and her cheeks had flushed. Bill had her wrapped around his little fucking finger.

“Best friends don’t do that…” She mumbled when the boy pulled away.

“I guess they don’t.” he said,smiling.

“Jaysus Christ,Y/N! Come here,now!” Her mother seemed furious. She didn’t really care about what her daughter said or did. All she wanted was the schedule to be followed.

“That’s my call,i guess…” Y/N giggled and moved her hand away from Bill’s.

“Forever i-i-in m-my huh-heart,Y/N.” Bill said,his cheeks slightly pink.

“Forever in my heart,Bill.”

They both smiled at each other and saying goodbye,they took their seperate ways; Bill towards the road the others losers had followed. Y/N towards her mother’s car.

She didn’t know what life had in store for her. At that moment,maybe it didn’t even matter.

Y/N had gotten the best present a girl could ever ask for.

And for that,she was happy.

Harsh Words

Requested By: Anonymous

hey bae<3 could you write a fic with peter where he’s having such a bad day, he’s super grumpy and the reader tries to help him but he gets super mad and says cruel things? i’m a sucker for drama, sorry!! love your blog btw

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Description: You’d noticed that Peter had been acting down all day, he was your best friend and you were concerned for him. You decided to try and help him, only to get belittled by your so called “best friend.”

Warnings: Swearing, could possibly be triggering to some people, verbally abusive, plot twist ending yeet

Word Count: 3,472

A/N: So this was so much fun to write oh myyyyyy, the ending is my favorite hahha, I am willing to write a part two if people really want it. But yeah, enjoy :)))

Originally posted by tomhollanderr

Lately, you’d noticed your best friend Peter had become a bit distant, you’d see how tired he’d look when he came to school, how on edge he was all the time, even a few marks on his face from time to time.

You were concerned for your friend, but at the same time you were confused as to why he was shutting you out.

You’d noticed Ned had started becoming distant too, becoming closer with Peter and excluding you more.

Michelle had noticed this happening too, she too didn’t understand what was going on, but at the same time she didn’t really care, it didn’t involve her.

You walked over to your table at lunch, carrying the brown bag in your hand, as Michelle sat a few seats away like usual, her face in a book, however, you noticed Peter and Ned having an intense conversation, but the second they saw you, they stopped.

“Hey guys.” You smiled, but they didn’t return the smile, nor the friendly gesture.

You felt your heart break, what had you done that made them suddenly hate you so much?

“Is every thing okay?” You questioned hesitantly, looking between the two of them.

Ned and Peter glanced at you for a split second before looking at each other, letting out a sigh.

“Yeah, every thing is fine Y/N, just a rough day, that’s all.” Ned answered vaguely, as you nodded, clearly not convinced.

You couldn’t help but observe Peter, he looked tired, worn out, overall just miserable.

“Peter are you sure you’re alright?” You asked again, you didn’t believe that they were just fine you knew there was more than what they were letting on.

“Y/N, just let him be.” Ned pressed on, making you roll your eyes, a flash of anger going through them, making Ned shut up quickly.

“I don’t give a damn, I want to know what the hell is going on? Is that so bad?” You spoke angrily, watching as Ned shrunk in his seat as Peter just glared at the table, his anger finally peaking.

“You know what Y/N? You need to mind your own damn business, maybe if you did that more often you’d actually have friends! Maybe then we’d actually like to hangout with you more if you weren’t constantly trying to pry into our lives and figure us out all the time! It’s like you have no consideration for anyone but yourself!” Peter shouted, surprising not only himself, but Ned, Michelle and especially you.

Peter had never yelled at you before, especially not in front of everyone.

You sat there, wide eyed, unable to speak, your heart broken into a million pieces.

He did hate you.

You nodded slowly, tears brimming your eyes as you started packing up your lunch, no longer hungry and definitely no longer wanting to be around him.

“Sorry to have been such a burden to you.” You spat out, tears streaming down your cheeks as you stormed out of the cafeteria, throwing your lunch away as you left.

Peter sat there watching you leave, his heart breaking as you did, he knew he messed up, really bad.

“Dude what the actual hell was that!” Ned shouted, hitting Peter on the arm, making him wince.

“I don’t know! Ugh, I really don’t know.” Peter muttered, frustration clear in his voice.

Michelle on the other hand was watching every thing, although she never interfered with any of her table members, she felt this was a good time to break that.

“What you did was really fucked up Parker, she really cared for you, I hope you remember that.” Michelle commented, before grabbing her book and her apple, and exiting the table, leaving both of them in shock.

“Dude you’re so fucked.” Ned groaned, as Peter hit his head on the table, groaning out in frustration.

“I know, I don’t even know why I said what I did! It just came out without warning.” Peter sighed, rubbing his face with his hands.

“Honestly Peter, I don’t know if you can fix this one, I don’t think Spider-Man himself can fix this.” Ned whispered the last part, making Peter sigh sadly, he knew Ned was right, you were never going to forgive him.

He didn’t know what had gotten into him the past few weeks, his job as Spider-Man had become a bit more stressful, therefore adding extra stress into his regular life, and then on top of that there was school, where he was pressured into doing well all the time, and he just couldn’t balance it out recently.

He’d been loosing hours of sleep fighting off criminals as Spider-Man, therefore making him more tired in class, unable to focus on the lessons.

Sometimes he’d come to school with a new cut or bruise from his mission the previous night, causing Ned to panic when he’d see him at his locker.

And then there was you, the sweetest person he knew, his best friend, the one person who wouldn’t even hurt a fly, the one person who genuinely cared about him, and now he pushed you away by going too far.

He thought pushing you away at first was the best to protect you from what he actually did, but as time went on it just got worse, he knew how bad he was hurting you, and it hurt him too, but he kept telling himself it was for the best.

But then Ned started to avoid you too, which made Peter angry, he wasn’t supposed to ditch you too, but Ned was also his best friend too, which made it even more difficult.

Peter and Ned had avoided you the best they could for two weeks, slowly getting out of your life, to keep you safe of course.

But you, you found it the total opposite.

And now your assumptions were proven correct, and you couldn’t feel any worse than you already did.

This time it was your turn to avoid both Peter and Ned, you did for weeks, refusing to talk to them, look at them, sit with them, basically anything that involved them, you find a way out of it.

If you were such a burden to their lives why be in it at all? Wasn’t that what they wanted anyways?

Peter did say you always tried to pry into their lives and figure everything out, and that you had no consideration for anyone but yourself, so you decided maybe he was right.

That’s why you decided to change, you weren’t going to be that person anymore.

Weeks turned to months, and you were still ignoring them, they did their best to try and talk to you, but it was no use.

You on the other hand became best friends with Michelle and Liz, who also helped give you a complete makeover.

You decided to become a better version of yourself, you dressed nicer, did your hair and even put on makeup, something you never once used to do.

This surprised everyone the day you walked into school with Liz and Michelle, nobody had ever seen you like this before, and you weren’t going to lie, you loved how much attention you were getting.

You noticed Peter and Ned, watching you with wide eyes, which made you smirk slightly, you got what you had wanted.

Peter and Ned on the other hand, got the exact opposite, they changed you, for the worst.

“Dude what the hell!” Ned whisper shouted, looking at his best friend with wide eyes.

“I don’t know Ned, I guess I really hurt her, and now she’s getting us back by becoming something she isn’t.” Peter sighed, leaning his head in his locker, groaning as Ned just stood there still stunned.

“She did look good though, you have to admit that.” Ned nudged Peter who’s head shot up quickly, hitting his head on the locker shelf.

“Ow,” He muttered, rubbing his head before slamming his locker shut, “And alright yeah, she does look good, I hadn’t seen her like that before.” Peter shrugged, adjusting his backpack straps.

The bell rang, and everyone started going to their classes, sadly for you, your first class was with Peter and Ned.

“Alright, good morning everyone!” Your teacher Mr. Scott smiled, as you all gave blank stares.

“I see everyone is tired, but this is chemistry and it’s going to blow your mind and wake you all up! So, to do that, I’m assigning you all in groups to work on a project.” Mr. Scott picked up his paper, scrolling down the list, while reading off names.

“Y/N, Peter, and Ned, you’re all one group.” Mr. Scott announced, making your eyes widen as you glanced over at the two of them, who were equally as stunned.

He then dismissed everyone to get to work, you slowly walked over to their table, throwing your stuff on the desk.

Peter and Ned watched you anxiously, unsure of what to say, or even what to do.

“So, uhm, what do you think we should make?” Ned broke the awkward silence, you gave a shrug in response, not looking at them as Peter kept his stare on you, his heart beating faster.

“Y/N, do you have any ideas?” Peter pressed on, making you roll your eyes before looking up at him, his eyes widening, this was the first time in months you both made eye contact.

“I think you should go to hell.” You smiled, grabbing your pencil before writing down chemical formulas.

Peter’s mouth dropped open, that was the last thing he’d expected to hear you say, he felt his heart break more, but there was also a bit where anger was slipping in.

“You know after months, I thought you would of cooled off already.” Peter muttered, making your head snap up, your eyes narrowing at the brunette boy in front of you.

“I’m sorry, let me see, last I checked my ex best friend was super nice, but then he suddenly abandoned me, and then his other friend, who was also my friend, abandoned me, and then I was told I wasn’t a considerate person, because all I care about is myself, which is ridiculous because I distinctively remember trying to care about you and see what was wrong.” You shook your head, laughing at how in denial he was. “God you’re such an asshole.” You spat, your blood boiling as you grabbed your backpack, storming out of the classroom, despite your teacher yelling at you.

“Dude what is wrong with you? Are you trying to make her hate you even more than she already does?” Ned scolded, shaking his head at his friend as he sat there stunned.

What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just apologize for what he had done, now he just made it worse.

But that seemed to be the only thing he was good at doing lately.

Days passed since the incident in the classroom, you had told Liz and Michelle what had happened, they both were surprised Peter had the nerve to say that to you, but they were proud when you finally found the courage to stand up for yourself.

A few more days passed, you were at Liz’s house, having a movie night with her and Michelle, you started doing this so you would get over the other two who shall not be named.

“So Y/N, are you going to homecoming with anyone?” Liz questioned, popping a piece of popcorn in her mouth, Michelle also curious.

“I don’t know, I don’t really know that many people.” You admitted, shrugging your shoulders.

“Oh come on Y/N, basically the entire football team wants to take you!” Liz laughed, throwing popcorn at you as Michelle grinned.

“Oh hush.” You laughed, eating a piece of the popcorn that was thrown at you.

You felt your phone buzz in your pocket, you let out a groan, causing Liz and Michelle to look over at you.

“It’s my mom, I gotta go.” You sighed, giving a sad smile to your friends who begged you to stay, but eventually let you leave.

You started walking home, it was late, the sky was dark, sometimes you were nervous walking alone, but for some reason this time you weren’t.

That is until you felt some sticky substance connect to your shirt, and before you knew it you were flying across Queens.

“What the hell! Put me down!” You screeched, and thankfully the “kidnapper” put you down on a building rooftop.

“Oh great it’s you, Spider dude.” You muttered, trying to remove the web attached to you.

“That’ll dissolve in two hours.” Spider-Man spoke, making you roll your eyes.

“That’s just great!” You sighed, running your fingers through your hair annoyed.

“Any reason you decided to kidnap me?” You looked at the masked hero, who shifted awkwardly.

“Actually yes.” He sighed, slowly pulling the mask off his head, revealing the last person you ever expected.

Peter?” You whispered, your eyes wide as Peter watched you nervously.

“I-I wanted to tell you Y/N, but my job, it’s just so dangerous, and I couldn’t afford to have anything to happen to you.” Peter rushed out, his hands shaking anxiously.

“Y-You lied to me! You made me feel like the shittiest person ever Peter!” You yelled, making him cringe at your words.

“You made me feel like you hated me.” You whispered the last part out, tears sliding down your cheeks.

“I thought that maybe if I made you hate me, it’d keep you safer.” Peter tried to explain, reaching out to you, but you backed away.

“You don’t get to touch me, you lied to me, you broke me.” You choked out, your body visibly shaking.

“I’m so so sorry Y/N.” Peter apologized, but you just laughed, making his blood turn cold.

“Did Ned know?” You questioned, watching him avoid your gaze, you nodded slowly, running your tongue over your lip, “Wow, so you trusted him, but not me.” You sniffed, anger taking over your emotions.

“I didn’t intend to tell him! He found out by accident!” Peter defended, making your shrug.

“Does it matter? He still knew Peter! Makes sense why he decided to leave me too.” You laughed bitterly, shaking your head at all the information you were receiving.

“Please Y/N, I’m sorry, please forgive me.” Peter pleaded, but you just shook your head.

“No Peter, I’m not going to forgive you, you put me through hell for months, and now you think it’s okay to just apologize and assume every thing will be back to normal.” You looked at him, tears stained on your cheeks as Peter looked at you desperately.

“It’s your turn to feel what I felt.” You looked around, noticing there was no way off the building.

“Get me down from here please.” You sighed, as Peter nodded sadly, wrapping his arm around you for what was probably the last time, as he swung you home.

He set you down on your fire escape, but before you could turn and go inside, he pulled you in for a tight hug.

You didn’t want to, but you slowly hugged him back, deep down you missed the brunette nerd, but at the moment you despised him with a burning passion.

“I will win you back.” He mumbled into your hair, pressing a kiss to your forehead, before swinging off.

It had been weeks since you had last seen Peter, or as you should say “Spider-Man” which wasn’t a bad thing.

He was off doing who knows what, fighting whoever, while you were planning on who to go with for homecoming.

“So how’s project Y/N coming along?” Ned asked, spinning around in Peter’s chair.

“It’s not, it’s more how is she making me feel, and I feel like shit. She told me she was going to make me feel how she felt, and well, it’s working.” Peter groaned, tugging on his hair frustrated.

They both were silent for a moment before Peter’s head snapped up, something was wrong, his Spidey senses were tingling.

“I gotta go, be back soon!” Peter shouted, before going out his window to where he was being directed.

When he arrived to the scene, he was shocked, there was a group of people being held hostage by some random person in a costume.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt this,” He motioned to the hostages, “But you have to let them go.” He added, as the villain laughed.

“And why should I do that?” They fired back, the voice making his eyes widen a bit.

“Because, it’s me you want.” He shot back, his heart beating quicker, as the villain nodded slowly, releasing the hostages.

“Alright fine, have it your way.” The villain shrugged, catching Spider-Man off guard as they hit him in the stomach and face.

Spider-Man groaned, before getting back up, he knew that voice, but how did he know it?

“Who are you?” He asked, as the masked villain laughed, grinning through the mask.

“Your worst nightmare.” They responded, before hitting him again, making him groan in pain.

Then it all clicked, it was you, you were the new villain he had been fighting for the past few weeks, and he just now realized it.

“Karma is a bitch Peter.” You laughed, before disappearing into the darkness, Peter standing there stunned.

He quickly swung home, scaring Ned as Peter flung his mask off, pacing around the room.

“Dude calm down, what happened?” Ned questioned, watching his best friend pace back and forth.

“You know the new villain I was telling you about?” Peter rushed out quickly as Ned nodded in response.

“I just found out who it is.” Peter breathed out, his face flushed as Ned waited anxiously.

“It’s Y/N.”