LIFE AFTER SURGERY:
As I sit here with my hands hovering above my keyboard, I’m realizing that I’m not entirely sure what I should say.
I’m honestly not certain that I could say anything that would adequately summarize what this surgery has been like for me.
I can, however, state (with some certainty) that one can never be fully prepared for this sort of thing.
Regardless of whether or not you want it to occur, genital reconstruction and surgical castration are both immensely difficult things to cope with.
Giving up any chance of having your own biological children can be devastating even if you don’t foresee it in your future. Surgery doesn’t fix the problems you experience in your day to day life, nor should you expect it to, and in a strange sense, I have found that surgery can feel an awful lot like trading one set of insecurities for another.
This isn’t to say that surgery hasn’t been a positive experience. I have always personally considered bottom surgery to be the “ending point” of my transition, and thus I have found peace in feeling as though I finally get to move forward with my life. Oddly enough I find myself leaping eagerly toward the option of a life of “normality”.
When I first came out, my goal wasn’t to live a life surrounded by the transgender community and it’s media.
I never really wanted to live my life with the added label of being transgender, I simply wanted the world to see me as I saw myself.
Now more than ever I feel as though I get to live the life I always wanted. I feel as though a tremendous weight has been lifted and I know I am incredibly fortunate to have reached this point.
Sometimes making the right choice and making the hard choice are one in the same. I have never felt more validated in my life, but I have also never experienced anything nearly as painful.