it makes me feel at home :)

I’m sleepless
I’m restless
I’m feeling around in the dark
I’m making snow angels in bathwater air
I’m pointing my toes extra hard and combing my legs through the sheets
I’m looking for contact
I’m waking people up (but only those who brave the night with me, and only those who rest in the night)
I’m distancing myself from life as an island
I’m making it scary and unfamiliar to go home
I’m remembering showering as cold
I’m rewriting my basic needs
I’m gathering discomforts
I’m ignoring messages
I’m leaving receipt unconfirmed
I’m orphaning my prescriptions at pharmacies dotting the valley
I’m setting plans and stopping at intentions
I’m bailing
I’m challenging disappointment and reclaiming expectations
I’m running on grace and speaking through love
I’m surprising myself
I’m studying visitors
I’m being as careful as I am passionate
I’m hungryyyy for the next chapter
I’m reading more than I write

anonymous asked:

post a list of your top 10 fav homestuck songs?

(RUBS HANDS TOGETHER EAGERLY)

1: DANCE OF THORNS

2: doctor

3: explore

4: earthsea borealis

5: savior of the dreaming dead

6: prospit dreamers

7:: savior of the waking world

8: rex duodecim angelus

9: umbral ultimatum

10: indigo heir

I’m Back

As several of you may have noticed today I have returned and made a few posts and reblogs (as well as I have stalked your blog liking a whole lot of your posts as I attempt to get a tiny bit caught up on what I have missed in my absence).

Things have honestly been up and down since I was last posting but overall I am doing much better than the deep depression cycle I had been stuck in yet at the same time I was super social but private. Truth be told I’m still bouncing around in my head but I’m making progress again and working on returning.

Although to not hold bad I feel odd about returning. It feels so good to be back at home on Tumblr reading and writing again, but I also feel like an outsider and fraud after being gone so long and I have fears that nobody cares what I have to say nor about me after I have abandoned the community for so long.

Logically I know I’m just being paranoid but that portion of my brain is currently screaming this at me and it is hard to silence.

The love I have for you blooms daily,

And to put things plainly,

I’ve been head over heels for you lately.

Your big brown eyes shine brighter than the moon,

And each time you look at me I can’t help but swoon.

Your hugs are full of love that makes me feel like I’m at home,

My heart swells up like a balloon and roams aimlessly around my chest.

God I can’t help but want to kiss you each time you smile,

A smile that can light up any town for miles!

I thank god every single day that I have a man like you in my life that cares so much about me,

It’s scary to admit but you hold the key to my heart & it’s appeasing to know you aren’t carefree.

TxD

2

I was tagged by @nationwidemanhunt, that’s boyf and I as my lock screen and smoking Ben as my home screen.
I tag @ericauvinen the most because I love you and your blog and we’ve never talked privately but we’re gonna one of these days! Also @shinybowlcut @tjesuslane @daniyellinn

Personal Shit– 

So most know that in July we thought I was having gal bladder attacks… extensive testing and all this stuff… it is NOT the gal bladder… fun times… and I was going good with NO pain.. maybe one or two small attacks lasting under 30 minutes… I could work with that… 

the past few weeks they have gotten worse, and yesterday I had a three hour attack. somehow made it home and took an entire pain pill– I usually do NOT take full pain pills for how they make me feel… 

they upset my stomach and I was already in pain and spitting up (not fully throwing up)– but anyway… so last night was bad… 

Decided to go into work today… the pains started again… not nearly as bad (I almost passed out driving home yesterday), so looks like I am back to resting as these attacks what ever they are really wear me out and make me so sleepy and nauseated…. 

I hate that this is happening to me… these pains I cannot explain, but there is NO relief from them till they are over… it is deep internal and no matter how I sit or stand or lay… it just hurts!!!! 

calling doctors tomorrow and seeing what else they wanna test… *sigh* Just kinda brings me down a bit as I feel like my body is betraying me. But I am sipping ginger ale all day and just relaxing… gonna try tomorrow to get these appointments, rest and write! UGH! 

So if I dont answer immediately here, discord, emails, or twitter… know I probably fell asleep… (im sorry) 

Just cross your fingers we can FINALLY find out wtf is wrong with me. 

anonymous asked:

Boy the angels on SPN really know how to get to Dean. This most recent ep made me think of all the times they have used Cas to make him feel guilty. They know what gets to him and they go straight for the jugular:P For supposedly emotionless beings many of them seem to feel things pretty deeply or at least understand the complexity of emotions, enough to use it against Dean.

Yeah, they really know how to drive the point home… I think a lot of them just disdain humanity (and especially Dean) just that much. I mean, my go-to exemplar of how a lot of the angels view humans (and especially Dean) is Zachariah. To a lesser extent, since he played a much smaller role, Uriel and his “mud monkeys” and “plumbing on two legs.” Which reminds me of another message I’ve been sitting on for a few days:

Hi! May be I’m missing smth but why do angels fight with humans like that in 13.01? I mean, angels can throw people into walls with a wave of the hand, teleport and do other magic stuff and humans are really powerless in a fair fight (with no attacking from the back or fighting with already damaged ones). But “drunk girl” used only her physical strength and, moreover, not very successfully.

I think it gives them a sort of perverse pleasure to use humans’ (and especially Dean’s)… humanity as a weapon against them. So many angels are absolutely convinced they are superior to humans. She didn’t just want Becky dead, she wanted him to suffer. She wasn’t done tormenting him yet. Punishing him.

anonymous asked:

(So im a Dark fangirl and the thought of him being a cinnamon roll is just precious to me) Imagine being Darks S/O and after coming home from a bad day of school/work, Dark immediately senses this and giving you lots of kisses and cuddles and sweets to help make you feel better and more relaxed. -💎

The man will go to all reaches of his abilities to make you smile and feel cozy.

I love my babies.

Ok, so last year I gotta say I was ready to quit. Some major shit went down in regards to horribly entitled parents who really pushed me to the edge. (One had her husband text harass me at home. I WORK WITH TWO OF THE WOMEN WHO GAVE ME THE MOST PROBLEMS AND I HAVE TO SEE THEIR FACES EVERY DAY AND IT IS REALLY HARD.) Sorry for the caps. The feels were overflowing.

Anyway.

Last year was hard. The data for our grade-level was low across the district (thankfully mine was the best of the low?), the behavior issues/documentation in our grade-level was the highest in the district, and I was constantly asking myself if teaching was my path.

Fast-Forward to this year. I started off jaded and with a student teacher. She did fine and I stayed distant from my kids. I smiled, asked them how their lives were, encouraged frank discussions about feelings, gave them pats and quick squeezes, but I felt distant. Last year, despite some bright bright gems, just made it too hard to pour all my time and love into this new batch after last year’s sucked it up and didn’t give a shit how much they hollowed me out.

And then I had a sick day. Migraines. Ugh, whole shebang. It was terrible.

This year? This year my kids made a video telling me they missed me and they hoped I feel better soon. Someone left me a sweet card on my desk about my amazing ~teaching skills, and how much they missed me after one day. Parents emailed me and stopped me in car line to ask if I felt better.

This group of kids have made such a difference. I loved my kids last year despite how awful, selfish, and disrespectful they were. They had such sweet, kind moments if you looked hard and worked continuously on that mutual trust.

But this group of kids? Hard workers. Loving. Kind. Sweet. (They can be brats, don’t get me wrong. I’ve seen some fits and attitude but we’re hitting that teaching sweet spot where we just *get* each other.) They have made me love teaching again because they just enjoy school. Is it their favorite place? Nah. But they enjoy their time there. I mean…it’s 8hrs of their life. It’s like a job, if you got to be there you may as well enjoy it you know? And they try to enjoy it and they make me enjoy it.

I just love my job. And I love this sweet, goofy, funny, and gentle group of kids. (The district on the other hand… 😒)

ever since my meds stopped working i’ve been compulsively deleting my posts minutes after i make them. will i delete this one??? only time will tell.

jk i’m gonna make myself not delete this one.

Babby Steps

anonymous asked:

i have this thought about jimin being needy and wanting attention so as soon as he comes home he just crawls into my lap and just places my hands in his hair to hint that he wants me to play with it. and he just clings to me and is being all cute and addhshajhagd idk i love the thought of jimin being a cuddly little babe (this was so messy i'm so sorry if it doesn't make sense)

this makes complete sense! and I think it really fits him. that boy is soft and he loves this kind of attention. I have no doubt that he’d be needy a lot. feeling your hands in his hair would get him to close his eyes and smile. he wouldn’t shy away from nuzzling into you, hoping to get your arms around him. nothing would make him happier

Ever since 4.0 came out , ive been main tanking as Paladin for my static. Susano and Lakshmi were honestly really easy and V3S has well- We’re coming together as a group.i have a feeling we’ll make big headway on Harly soon now that we’ve gotten to Animal Farm phase.


Since 4.1 , we’ve been working on Shinryu EX taking a small break from V3S. Me and our long time Warrior off tank sat down and discussed mechanic timings and came with a plan beat by beat for our CDs, Raid damage mitigation, ect. I’ve always played healer in any MMO and almost any game with roles. I’m starting to feel at home tanking now and It feels really satisfying.


Im really appreciative of my OT for teaching and easing me into this role, and my static for thier patience as I’m learning this role. Cuz honestly, I’m really happy with it right now. I know I’m FC / Co-Raid Leader but still it’s worth saying. Thanks for letting me Tank, guys.


anonymous asked:

3-sterek

s3. Who kisses the inside of their partner’s palm before reassuring them everything is going to be okay?

oooh…. i feel like they’d both do this, but in different circumstances? 

sometimes, late at night when they’re in bed together, stiles wakes up gasping for air and bathing in sweat, haunted by the memories of blood and screaming and fireflies, and derek holds him until he calms down, their fingers tangled together, and derek presses kisses to the inside of stiles’ palm, whispering “you’re okay, it’s going to be okay, you’re safe now” into stiles’ skin

but then also, sometimes, derek’s having a bad day, and some kids started a campfire near their home and everything smells like smoke and fire and it makes him feel small and anxious and stiles brings him hot chocolate and holds his hand, pressing kisses to his palms as he tells derek it’s all going to be okay

send me a number + a ship?

i am anxious about my work situation. waking up at 5am and arriving home after 6:30pm makes me miserable; it is incredibly difficult to come home and have to be in bed after three or four hours, when i am so full of things to say and feel.

I’ll admit. Lately, I haven’t been in a very Halloween mood. Like, it feels like I already missed the entire holiday. I’ve been working a Halloween event at a theme park and instead of getting me in a spooky mood, it’s just made me realize how much I hate interacting with really drunk and angry people that are mad the jello shots don’t contain alcohol. (I’ve noticed that being excessively happy - to a unnatural degree - tends to calm them down a bit, though.) I’ve also had the pleasure of taking the bus at four in the morning and people have been… obnoxious to say the least. I wanna feel Halloweenie. I REALLY do, but when I get home I’m so dead tired that I don’t clean, I don’t decorate, I don’t get to work on my art, and that just makes me feel worse. I want to change that and have a good Halloween this year, even if I am working it. My house is mostly clean now, I’m gonna decorate today while listening to nothing but Kandy Coated Kackles . I have three days off for the rest of the month and I’ve made a long to-do list of Halloween and art things that should get done, so here’s to hoping I can finish at least some of it. If not, expect to see a lot more art in November after the Halloween event at my theme park is over. Until then, Happy Halloween, fear fans!

“My mom went off when she found out I was gay. It’s not accepted in Jamaican culture. I had to pretend I was ‘over it’ just so I could stay in the house. I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about it. I was always getting in fights with other kids. I didn’t even have a real friend until I was seventeen. I joined my school’s volleyball team, and the coach paired me up with a boy named Winnie to work on drills. I was still in the closet. He was much more flamboyant than me. He’d make me laugh. We’d talk about other boys on the team. He showed me how to not take myself so seriously. And we had similar backgrounds too. Winnie lived in a single parent home. His mother didn’t accept his lifestyle either. Sometimes we’d talk on the phone at night. Or we’d get a slice of pizza after practice. These were things that I’d never done with anyone before. I never pursued anything romantic because I couldn’t risk the friendship. It was the first time I didn’t feel alone.“