it made me dizzy

anonymous asked:

i'm reaally dizzy because of chronic illness but you made me laugh accidentally because i read that post about the pets names like "oh she has a pet named 'chloe' and a pet named '!!!', that's pretty cool!!!"

i’m sorry that your dizzy but i’m glad i was able to make you laugh! maybe lie down and rest? feel better xx

Jaws - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky accidentally punches you in the face during a training session, which somehow leads to your first kiss and the promise of a date.

Warnings: Kissing.

Words: 1 328

A/N: Very boring drabble that is kinda similar to Lift in terms of the layout. Tell me what you think and please request!

TAKING REQUESTS

Originally posted by you-didnt-see-that-cuming


She ducked under his punch, getting back up just as quickly and trying to elbow his chest. He grabbed hold of her joint and pushed her back. As she came rushing back in for a straight punch to his face, his metal hand flew right to her jaw.

She staggered back before falling to her knees. Her hair fell in front of her face and a few strands stuck to her glistening forehead, a long groan escaping her.

“Oh fuck, Y/N. I’m so sorry!” Bucky panicked, surprised as he thought she would have been able to see through his techniques as always and dodged his incoming attack.

He rushed to her side and knelt beside her, wrapping his arm around her back and using his free hand to remove the hair from her face. She whined in pain, trying to force a smile to not make him feel so bad but not being able to. “Okay, that one hurts… I’m not gonna lie.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry.” He carefully tilted her head to get better lightning on her jaw which was red, bruising and already swollen. “Fuck. That’s bad.”

“I don’t know if it’s anything serious, but I can taste blood?” She looked up at him. “Maybe that’s just normal. Also, my left ear is ringing, or it might be my entire head actually, I can’t tell the difference right now.”

Bucky kept repeatedly mumbling curses as he softly placed his bionic hand over the bruise. She winced in pain at first but the cooling of the metal was better than not having it there at all.

“Remind me to wear a hockey helmet for our next training session or something…” She began to push herself up from the floor. Bucky tried to help her by continuing to hold his arm around her back, which turned out to be very helpful.

“Woah!” He exclaimed as she almost fell forward, his grip of her tightening and keeping her on her feet. “You okay?”

“I just got punched in the face with a hand that’s literally made out of metal. Pardon me if I’m a little dizzy.” She chuckled, her voice strained from the pain radiating up her jaw and numbing the area around it. She turned to face Bucky, her hand carefully touching the swollen bump. “Does it look bad?”

Yeah.

“No.” He lied. “It looks alright.”

“Liar.” She could see straight through him, of course. She always could. “Oh man, and Tony’s birthday party is this weekend.”

“That’s five days away.” Bucky tried to remain hopeful.

She looked over at him, her eyes hooded and her eyebrows raised high, circulating the area where he had punched her. “By the sheer agony I’m in right now, I can tell this isn’t going to go away in five days.”

“I’m sorry…” He pleaded and she dropped her sarcastic attitude, feeling bad for the poor guy.

“I know you are. It’s okay. I’ve had worse. Remember when I got shot in the damn hand in Serbia? When I had to drive the car to the hospital with that hand, the gear lever nearly went through the bullet hole.”

He chuckled after seeing her smile at the brutal recall of a mission two years prior.

“Or when you went two weeks in pain because you thought your body was “healing slowly”, when in reality you had a completely broken arm?” He remembered and she nodded, quietly chuckling before suddenly closing her eyes, grabbing his hand. She pulled it towards her jaw and held it still over, leaning into it whilst still not looking.

Bucky watched in admiration as she dozed off for a few seconds in the comfort of his touch.

“Alright. I’m gonna call this a day. It’s getting late, I think. You must have punched my sense of time out of me.” She smiled and broke loose from him, heading for the gym door slowly.

“Maybe sleeping isn’t that good of an idea? You could have a concussion!” He warned, worried about her health truthfully.

“Don’t think so highly of yourself.” She joked, making it seem as if giving her a concussion had been something Bucky had strived for. He wanted to oblige and take her to Bruce, or anyone else that might be awake at two in the morning and have the skill to properly help her. “So goodnight, or good morning, or whatever.”

The door slammed shut behind her, leaving Bucky alone in the gym, feeling more guilty than ever.


He was sat at the kitchen table, eating the scrambled eggs which surprisingly enough, Vision had cooked. Steve sat across Bucky, Peter beside Steve, and Tony and Natasha on both short ends when Y/N came sulking down.

“Good morning- Jesus Christ.” Steve gasped as he got a look of her. “What happened to your face?”

The entire left side of her jaw was covered in a rich, purple bruise. As she smiled, she clearly did so more on the right side than the other. “Why don’t you ask Mr. I-Have-A-Metal-Arm?” She said, pointing to a Bucky.

“I’m so sorry.” Bucky repeated and she tried to smile wider but winced, letting it fall back.

“I know, Buck. Heard you the first, hundred, times.” She attempted to reassure him although it had little effect. “You better buy me something amazing to cover this up tho.”

“I don’t think anything can cover that up. That’s brutal.” Natasha said, her nose scrunching up in slight disgust at the vicious color of Y/N’s jaw.

“Thanks.” Y/N sighed, rolling her eyes, and taking a seat by the table. Vision left the stove and came to her aid with a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. “And an honest thank you to you, Vis.”

“You want some ice for that?” Tony tried to help as Y/N grabbed the chilled glass of orange juice in front of her and held it against her jaw. She shook her head subtly and shut her tired eyes, propping her elbows on the table and leaning her head against her free hand.

“I’m good.” She said and pulled herself together, opening her eyes widely to wake up and taking a sip of the orange juice already by her mouth. “I’ll avoid training sessions with Bucky for awhile though.”

“I’m s-”

“Cut it. I’m alive, aren’t I? Still breathing. Heart’s still pumping.” She said and shoved a fork full of bacon in her mouth. The breakfast carried on, following up with an overly large glass of chocolate milk on Y/N’s part. They all chatted, bickering as usual, before everyone retreated to their own corner of the Tower  to continue their days separately.

As Y/N made it to her room, there were two knocks on the door. She didn’t have to guess who it was. She knew it was Bucky and she knew he would try to apologize once more.

She pulled the door open and barely had time to confirm it was him before a pair of soft lips crashed upon hers. She staggered backwards and Bucky broke loose, eyes blown wide. “Let me take you out to dinner, as an apology for punching you.”

“And you had to kiss me to ask me out!?” She questioned, out of breath. Bucky shrugged.“

“No, I just wanted to.” He said like it was the most normal thing in the world to walk around kissing.

“Well damn…” She closed the space again and savored another kiss, sighing in relief. She tried to not cause herself too much pain, letting him do most of the moving.

“I’m-”

“Don’t you dare say that word one more time or I swear to god I’ll punch your jaw.” She threatened and he chuckled, lips hovering in front of hers.

“It wouldn’t leave as much as a scratch.” His lips curled around hers, tasting the sweetness lingering to them.

“You’re so cocky, you know that? It’s tiring.”

10 Things I needed after Top Surgery

1. A place to stay and someone to stay with.  Seriously, recovery is not something you can do on your own.  If you know a nurse who is willing to hang out with you it makes life 10X easier because they are used to seeing blood and helping people and cleaning up messes.  My friend even helped me wash my hair over his kitchen sink and changed my dressings for me.  No reaching, no stretching, no bending over, it’s great.

2. Something soft and comforting.  The pain meds made me woozy and a little emotional.  I couldn’t control when I slept, when I was awake, I couldn’t even keep my eyes open sometimes.  I lost track of time, started conversations I didn’t remember, etc.  Having something around that was constant like a specific blanket, a drink you like, a tv show you can binge on that you’ve watched before (you’ll fall asleep and no remember what happened), helped make me feel more stable.  I chose a blanket and pillow that I particularly like.  And have some Arizona tea always around.

3. Bendy Straws.  This is pretty common but they’re really a life saver.  I didn’t have to pick my arms up for anything really. 

4. Something to keep toilet paper closer to the toilet in the bathroom.  Whether this is a cheap toilet paper rack or even a small bucket or stool, I had issues reaching the toilet paper roll because it was either too far in front of me or on the wall behind me.  Consider where the toilet paper is in your bathroom and make adjustments if you need to.  

5. Glass cleaning cloth.  With how much I fell asleep and woke up, my glasses were constantly on and off my face, falling on the floor, and of course I had to pick them up with my toes if I was alone because I couldn’t bend them over.  At some point I was ready to safety pin a cloth to my surgery binder so I didn’t have to keep asking for one when I couldn’t see through all the smudges.  This is also helpful for computer screens and phone screens especially if you aren’t wearing normal clothing like a soft tshirt or jacket.

6. Easy access medications.  If your meds come with child locks on them, you might not be able to open them.  Find a jar or something with a really easy access lid - something that screws off with you having to push buttons or pop anything - and LABEL things according to what you use them for.  Pain meds really clogged my thoughts so seeing words like “OW” and “BLEH” on the top of bottles helped me distinguish which med was for pain and which med was for nausea.  Have fun with this one.

7. A pillow that won’t run away.  If you’re sleeping in a bed, try body pillows around you.  If you’re sleeping on a couch, make sure it’s not a couch that will swallow you between the cushions.  I spent most of my time in a recliner with a travel pillow around my neck.

8. Meditation music or something quiet.  After the first 12-24 hours I found myself holding my shoulders up trying to reduce the pain on my incisions which caused a lot of tension in my back, neck, and shoulders.  At some points they were more painful than the incisions.  Take some time to really meditate and relax your muscles or the tightness will impact everything around you - pain levels, mood, etc.  

9. Easy access snacks.  I love clementines so we found some that were easy to peel.  Chip bags that are small and easy to handle are nice too.  Light plates, bowls, plastic cups, things that don’t require a lot of coordination work well because it’s hard to get situated and then have to reach for a ton of things.  Eat food that only requires one utensil.  Etc.

10. Short Walks.  March in Michigan is cold, so we went to stores to get one or two things, I leaned over a cart and hobbled through.  It made me dizzy and painful, it sucked most of the time, but once I sat down and relaxed I felt so much better than pre-walk.  I wasn’t fidgety anymore, I felt like I could actually sit still and let myself heal rather than getting up every 10 minutes or asking for water or reading a book or scratching or painting my nails.  I slept better after walks, I ate better after walks, and I felt more emotionally stable after walks.  


Okay, those are my top 10 things.  I’m sure there are others depending on your situation.  Some people recommend cough drops for your sore throat after anesthesia, I didn’t experience this.  I also experienced a little more draining than a lot of guys do and thus needed some extra gauze and bandages.  Long phone chargers, comfy slippers, and loose-fitting clothes are often recommended too.  I used my regular 6ft charger, had some slippers but mostly only wore them when my feet were cold, and I wore shorts and my surgery binder for most of the week after because it was easier to regulate my temperature with blankets than take clothes on and off.  

If you have any questions feel free to message me.

I’m supposed to be asleep but all I can think about is. what if Michael had left the door unlocked. What if Jeremy had walked in because he had to pee. What if Jeremy walked in right on the “wish I’d off myself instead” line. What if Jeremy heard his best friend wanting to die. What if Jeremy had known that he caused his best friend, his only life companion to want to end his life. What if Jeremy knew that he caused Michael to want to fucking. die. What if

2

“Jᴏɪɴ ᴜs ʙʀᴏᴛʜᴇʀs ᴀɴᴅ sɪsᴛᴇʀs. Jᴏɪɴ ᴜs ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ sʜᴀᴅᴏᴡs ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴇ sᴛᴀɴᴅ ᴠɪɢɪʟᴀɴᴛ. Jᴏɪɴ ᴜs ᴀs ᴡᴇ ᴄᴀʀʀʏ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴜᴛʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴀɴɴᴏᴛ ʙᴇ ғᴏʀsᴡᴏʀɴ. Aɴᴅ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘᴇʀɪsʜ, ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ sᴀᴄʀɪғɪᴄᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ɴᴏᴛ ʙᴇ ғᴏʀɢᴏᴛᴛᴇɴ. Aɴᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴏɴᴇ ᴅᴀʏ, ᴡᴇ sʜᴀʟʟ ᴊᴏɪɴ ʏᴏᴜ.”

Teenage Feysand

I saw the post about how 17 year old Rhysand would react to 17 year old Feyre. It’s my first fic so it is probably shit, but I just had to write it. 

Description: 17 y/o Feyre comes into the Illyrian camp that 17 y/o Rhysand and his mother are living in. All 17 y/o Illyrian males want to do is fuck and fight, and Rhysand is no exception, but darling Feyre won’t accept his advances.

I had had my fair share of good romps in the 17 years I’d been in the world, and it turns out that not many girls can resist the son of the High lord. Or so I thought…

           I was in the middle of sparring with Cassian when I caught an unfamiliar scent coming from the direction of the entrance to the camp. My brother must have caught it too because he looked at me with a devilish smirk. The scent was sweet like vanilla and something else, and it was most definitely female. At that moment, my mother came around the corner, her arm around what I assumed was the new mystery girl. I stepped out of the sparring ring and walked to where my mother and the girl stood.

“Ah, Rhysand, I was just looking for you,” my mother said as I approached, “There’s someone I’d like you to meet.” She motioned with her hand to the girl standing beside her.

Now closer, I could actually get a good glimpse at the stranger. She looked around my age, but nothing about her screamed ‘Look at me’. She lifted her face to me then, and my snarky remark died in my throat as I looked at the girl’s face. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. Her pale skin was clear, only marked by light freckles across her delicate nose. Her blue-gray eyes shone with a challenge that I was certainly up to accept.i allowed my eyes to roam further down her body. Slowly, I gave her one of my dazzling smiles that always worked on females, and held out my hand.

“Rhysand. It’s a pleasure to meet you…”

She took my hand gently and shook it once before letting it fall.

“Feyre. Nice to meet you,” she replied, completely unfazed by the look I had just given her. Challenge accepted, I thought as Feyre brushed past me and continued walking toward the barracks at the other end of the pitch.  

⃰           ⃰            ⃰

I tried for weeks to get Feyre’s attention, but none of my usual advances worked. She would just smile at me and shake her head and go back to whatever she was doing. The tension was driving me crazy. I had never been one to stumble over words, but this girl, this beautiful girl, with her full pink lips and stunning eyes made me want to roar in frustration whenever she shot down my advances.

I decided to try one last time, so I invited Feyre on a walk with me in the forest surrounding the camp. We had been walking for a good hour, and our conversation had been the same flirty banter that it usually was. Feyre seemed to be in a particularly good mood, so I decided to try my luck.

“You really should consider my offer, Feyre darling,” I said as we walked along one of the mountain streams.

“Oh, should I? Well tell me Rhysand, what would be so appealing about sleeping with you,” Feyre replied, rolling her eyes at me in the process. The way my name rolled off her tongue when she was being sarcastic…

I had to physically stop myself from pouncing onto her as I replied confidently, “I am the son of a High Lord, I am gorgeous, and I’ve never had a complaint about my skills in bed”.

Feyre snorted at this and shook her head, “Hard to get a complaint from your own hand, Rhysand.”

I smiled wickedly at her remark, “Such a foul mouth on such a stunning creature. Show me, Feyre, exactly what that mouth of yours can do”. She simply gave me a smile that left me feeling dizzy and continued walking along the stream.

I made to follow her when I slipped on a rock and lost my balance. I did not have time to catch myself as I fell backwards into the stream. The rush of the freezing water took care of any evidence of what I had been thinking about doing with Feyre’s mouth, along with any pride this amazing female hadn’t already crushed. Feyre stood on the bank now, laughing so hard that she had peeled over. I took this opportunity and grabbed her arm, pulling her into the water with me. She screamed at the coldness of the water, but I quickly pulled her against me before she could attempt to climb out of the stream.

“It’s not kind to laugh at people in distress, Feyre darling,” I said as I pushed back a wet strand of her hair.

She shivered, but I was unsure if it was from the touch or the temperature of the water. My answer came a second later when she took my face into her hands and kissed me gently. I was so taken aback that I forgot to kiss her back for the first few seconds, but I deepened the kiss when I felt her body melt into mine. I gathered her into my arms and laid her down onto the bank before covering her body with my own once again, kissing her like I needed the feel of our lips together to breath. At this point, I did.

Feyre flipped us over without breaking the kiss and straddled me. I made to run my hands over her back, but she grabbed my hands and held them down above my head. She broke the kiss then, and I didn’t realize what she had been doing with my hands until I tried to move them and felt the restraints now around my wrists.

She gave me a wicked smile as she leaned down and whispered in my ear, “If you can get out of these, come find me, and I’ll accept your offer”. I groaned as she nipped my ear and made to stand. She gazed down at me with those beautiful blue eyes and took off running back towards the camp.

I stalked back to the camp mere minutes after breaking the chains with my power, frustrated and cold. I looked for Feyre everywhere, but she was nowhere to be found. Cassian took one look at me when I finally came home and burst into laughter. I gave him the finger and made my way up to the bath. I could still feel the sensation of Feyre’s lips on mine, her body underneath me, the way she nipped at my ear before she left me on that bank. Shit, I thought as I sat down in the bath, this girl is going to be the death of me. Even as the thought struck me, I couldn’t help but think, maybe some things are worth dying for.

Joker Imagine - Singer Shot

Originally posted by ksenoglosja

Your P.O.V.

The club was packed with people, once again. I was happy that Joker’s club was so successful. It was Saturday and we were here after a heist gone well. He was wearing his golden jewelry, a white button up and a fancy red jacket. I was in a body hugging short black dress with red lace on it. Things were pretty great.

J’s hand was on my thigh and I smiled because I enjoyed his touch. ‘’The music is bullshit’’ He growled suddenly. I hadn’t even listened to the live singer. I decided to listen and I realized he was right. Some brunette woman stood on the scene in a white glittery dress. Her pink lips were moving and letting out sound that hurt my ears. 

‘‘You’re right J’‘ I muttered and looked at the woman, sneering. J chuckled and looked at me closely. ‘‘You should go there’‘ He told me. At first I thought he was joking, since he was the Joker. But the look he gave me let me know he was serious. ‘‘Oh Puddin ya know I can’t sing’‘ I laughed nervously. He clenched his jaw and let go of me. Then he whistled and pointed at the singer, telling her to go. The music stopped and she ran off, embarrassed or scared, perhaps both.

‘‘Go on kitten’‘ He purred to me. I couldn’t just sit here, so I did as told. All eyes were on me as I nervously walked to the stage. The lights shone on J so I decided to focus on him. I grabbed the microphone and looked at the man who played the karaokes. ‘‘W-what do you want to sing?’’ He stuttered, obviously afraid of the queen of madness and Gotham. It gave me a little confidence.

‘‘Mad Hatter’‘ I said and looked at my boyfriend. He was looking at me very intensely while holding his purple cane. ‘‘By Melanie Martinez’‘ I added and then took a deep breath. The music started playing and I got ready to sing. 

‘‘My friends don’t walk they run..’‘ I started to sing. My muscles were tense and I was really nervous but I kept going. Somehow it wasn’t as bad as I thought. J grinned, flashing me his beautiful smile. I sang more and then forgot the audience, almost entirely. I focused just on J, no one else.

‘‘Where is my prescription? Doctor doctor please listen..’‘ I sang more confidently by now. Everything was fine. Damn, I even had fun. ‘’So what if I’m crazy, the be-’‘ I got to the higher parts. I shut my eyes and tried to sing, but it was cut short. I tried to make a noise, but I couldn’t breathe. The music had been so loud but now everything was dead silent. I opened my eyes and that’s when I felt a stinging pain in my abdomen.

I inhaled sharply and then looked down, seeing blood. A lot of blood. It was running down my legs but most of it squirted out of my abdomen. My trembling hands touched the wound and I felt the warmth of the blood. I was so shocked. Everything happened so fast and I wasn’t even sure what happened. Then I collapsed on the stage,  spasming in pain.

The silence disappeared in gunshots. I heard multiple gunshots and people screaming. I tried to move my head weakly so I could see, but the pain had made me too weak. I could barely keep my eyes open. I was scared. What if I’d die?

I wasn’t sure how much time passed but suddenly J was by my side. He pressed his shirt against my abdomen and he looked quite mad. He had blood splatters on his pale skin, but God knows whose. His mouth was moving but I couldn’t make any sense of his words. I was in so much pain that it was impossible to focus on anything else. All I knew was that I was shot and J tried to tell me something.

‘‘Y/N!’‘ He yelled my name. For some reason, his voice got clearer. I tried to breathe, but it was hard. I had no idea what to do. ‘‘Breathe, goddamnit’‘ J growled at me.Oh, if he knew that I was trying. ‘‘Boss’‘ Another deep voice said. J didn’t even budge. He looked like he could kill, yet he was trying to keep me alive.

The thought of dying now and never seeing him again made me sad. I was crying, of course but now I noticed it. I tried to move my hand on his but it took a lot of strength. ‘’I..l-love you’’ I muttered, not sure if he heard me. Luckily, he did. He stared at me in disbelief. ‘’Don’t you fucking dare to die Y/N’’ J told me so angrily it almost scared me.

I finally found his hand and I held onto it. Then I coughed up blood. It hurt to cough because I had to use my stomach muscles. It made me dizzy. ‘’Y/N! No, you’re not going to die!’’ J yelled loudly. I wish I could have kept my eyes open but they got heavier every second. Soon, I was only seeing dark. I heard J’s muffled voice and my own heart beat. It started beating slower and the pain almost faded.

Everything faded.

/Author’s Note: This was requested. I’m not sure if there will be a part 2 which would give the answer to the ending. Do you die or stay alive? Who shot you? Why?

anonymous asked:

“I still remember the way you taste.” supercorp or supercat. your writing is amazing.

“I know you’re there.”

Kara startled at the soft declaration, barely more than whisper in the dark. It echoed in Kara’s head like thunder, vibrated in her bones. She took a deep breath and floated from the shadows, out into the faint glow of the Cat’s bedroom lamp. It lit the balcony like a candle, a weak halo of illumination, and in its glow sat the woman who had occupied Kara’s thoughts for longer than she cared to admit.

Carefully, she touched down on the balcony and looked Cat over. She traced her silhouette with her gaze as she had down countless times over the last four months. She could still sometimes feel the ghosts of those angles on her fingertips. A haunting kind of memory that made her heart race.

Cat didn’t look at her. She kept her face forward, knees curled to her chest, glass of scotch in her hand. Kara felt the same way she always did when looking at Cat now–wide open, hollowed out, alive in the most painful way.

“How…” Kara licked her lips, cleared her throat. “How did you know?”

A heavy sigh slithered across Cat’s lips, something aged and tired. So terribly tired. “Every night,” Cat said. “You come here every night, hover in the shadows, and watch me.”

It was true. Every night over the last four months, Kara had come. Drawn to Cat like a moth to flame. She found her way there every night without fail, and she would watch. Watch Cat stretch and sigh, sip at a drink, stare out into the city. Watch her rub her feet and neck. Watch her hum along to some tune Kara couldn’t place. Watch her bark orders over her phone to some assistant Kara couldn’t name and neither could Cat. Watch her cry.

It was enough to hurt, enough to heal; enough to keep Kara going. It was something she could hold onto.

But this? Realizing that Cat knew, that she had always known…it shook Kara. It rattled her. She felt breathless with it.

“But how, Cat?” Her voice cracked around Cat’s name. It had been so terribly long since she last gave it voice. She took a step forward, a little further into the light. “How could you possibly know that?”

Cat didn’t say anything for the longest time, simply let the words hang. She was silent so long that Kara assumed she wouldn’t answer at all. She shifted on her feet, unsteady and unsure, and wondered if she should kick off again, recede back into the shadows, reclaim her position as a firm part of Cat’s past. But then…

“The way you smell,” Cat whispered. She let out another heavy sigh and took a long sip of her scotch, still staring out into the night. At the city, the lights, the sky. Anything but Kara. “I can smell you in the wind sometimes, your perfume.” She leaned forward, set her scotch on the small table in front of her chair, and then settled back again. She ran a tired hand through her hair and leaned her head back, closed her eyes. “I can feel your eyes on me.”

“I–” Kara’s voice cracked again. Her throat felt tight and constricted. Her eyes stung.

“You can’t spend that much time with someone and not learn how it feels when they look at you,” Cat said. “I know how it feels to be looked at by you.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I’ll never forget.”

The words hit Kara like a shot to the gut. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her eyes watered. Her stomach knotted. Her skin wouldn’t stop crawling. There were so many parts of her that still didn’t understand how they had gotten like this, why Cat had pushed her away. Why they couldn’t try again, and again, and again. Why they couldn’t just be. “I…I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” she said, ducking her head. “I never…I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn’t think you would ever know.”

“I know everything about you, Kara Danvers,” Cat said, eyes still closed and words still light and breathy on her tongue. She rocked her head from side to side, a gentle shake, and when she spoke, it was as if she was speaking only to herself. Saying all the things she could say in the silence and in the stillness, in solitude. The things she would never say to Kara in the light of day, in the bright, loud wonder and rush of moments not stolen or reserved. “You never realized, but I made a point of it. I memorized you. Your preferences. Your values. Your fears.”

“Cat…”

Cat lazily tapped her temple. “I remember every detail.” She released a hard huff of air, as if she wished she could forget. The scent of alcohol on her breath curled in Kara’s nose, and Kara wanted to scream. It all felt too close, too intimate, too heavy and hard and hurting. Cat sounded like she had grown a century inside her soul since the last time they spoke, and Kara wanted to wrap her up in her arms and press away the sorrow, wanted to be there as much as she wanted to fly away.

“I know all your little ticks and quirks,” Cat whispered. “All your sounds. All your angles.” Kara hung on every word, clung to the ache in Cat’s voice, the want. The regret. She stepped forward, a silent movement. Then another. “I still remember your routines and rituals. I know the way you smell right after a shower and how much warmer your skin is than mine or anyone’s.” She licked her lips in the lamplight, and Kara drew closer. She dropped to her knees in front of Cat’s chair and took in the full vision of her, haloed in light and curled in on herself. And when Cat opened her eyes a moment later, glistening, and looked down at her, Kara felt her entire world bloom in a way it hadn’t since before she had walked out of Cat’s house and out of Cat’s life.

Cat reached forward, trailed one finger down Kara’s cheek, along the line of her jaw. She smoothed out a wrinkle in the ripple of Kara’s cape, draped over her shoulder. “I still remember the way you taste.”

Kara grabbed Cat’s hand before Cat could retract it. She held it tightly in hers, rubbed her thumb over the backs of Cat’s slender fingers, and rested her other hand on Cat’s naked foot, still curled up in her chair. “Why didn’t you tell me before?” Kara asked, her voice little more than a wet, trembling sigh. “Why did you send me away?”

Cat looked at her for a long time, long and lingering. She used her free hand to wipe away a tear before it could fall. “That’s what I do,” she said, the words escaping in a long sigh. “I push away everything and everyone I love.” She squeezed Kara’s hand. “Everyone who loves me.”

“You don’t have to,” Kara said. She slid her hand up from Cat’s foot, up her skinny shin, over her knee. She rubbed her hand slowly back and forth along the outside of Cat’s thigh. “You don’t have to push me away.” She latched gently onto Cat’s ankles then and pulled her legs down, out of the chair. She then shifted into the space between them and rested both hands on Cat’s thighs. “I want to be here.”

Leaning forward, Kara rested her forehead against Cat’s chest. She closed her eyes when Cat’s hand came to rest on the back of her head, fingers scratching gently at her scalp. The familiar scent of her overwhelmed Kara. Her heart squeezed and hammered, and she could hear Cat’s doing the same. The sensation, the sound, made her dizzy. “Tell me to stay, Cat,” she whispered, nuzzling her nose against the soft material of Cat’s sweater. “Tell me to stay and I’ll stay.”

Cat cradled Kara’s head, fingers making lazy lines through Kara’s hair. She took several slow, deep breaths. Took her time. Her voice shook when she finally spoke again. “Stay.”

I wonder if you realize that you saved my life that night. My brain was a tidal wave of emotions, and none of them good. The skeletons in my closet were peeking around corners, their bones rattling constant reminders of the what ifs. Could haves. Would haves. Should haves. If onlys. I wonder if you know that when you wrapped your arms around my waist and whispered how you think I’m beautiful despite my flaws, you gave me hope that maybe I could give my everything and actually make a difference. Despite my constant desire to rip myself to shreds. Despite my bad habits and how I constantly push everything good out of my life. Despite me being me, I could possibly be good again. I wonder if you realize that your lips tasted like spearmint, and the lack of oxygen made me dizzy enough to forget my problems. I was high off you. Your cologne. Your breath. You. I wonder if you realized that I went home that night and fell against my door with a smile on my face, and a newfound hope for tomorrow.
—  I wonder if you realize that you saved my life
Valkyrie has the vapours

Sooo… I am on week 3 of being sick with bronchitis and/or walking pneumonia, so forgive me for my ramblings and for taking so long to post.  Here’s my report from the front lines.  (I’m without my laptop so this will be a challenge.)  You might want to grab a beverage because I’m going to put this all in one post.

THAT HORRIBLE FEELING WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU MIGHT NOT MAKE IT TO THE CON IN TIME:  I came down with a stomach bug on Wednesday night (on top of the bronchitis) and was too sick to fly on Thursday morning.  Though the airline was able to rebook me on an afternoon flight, delays meant I would miss my connection.  After an hour standing at the JFK ticket counter during which options slipped away, I was finally able to secure an alternative flight… but had to endure a coach window seat for 6 hours despite having paid for a first class seat.  Thank god for the copious amount of drugs in my system that I was able to remain calm and get a little nap before running through LAX, rebooking yet again when I discovered a better connecting flight, and finally arriving at SeaTac after 1:00 am - 12 hours after I was originally supposed to land. The silver lining was that I was too distracted by the drama to be nervous about what I would say to Cait and Sam.

WAIT, WE’RE QUEUING UP HOW EARLY?  Luckily @chrismosstree and @myguiltyolpleasure scoped out the situation on Thursday afternoon and figured out exactly when and where we needed to be.  I awoke around 5 am after a couple hours of sleep to bid them farewell as they headed for the convention center, taking advantage of their generous offer to hold a place for me in line. Despite being dizzy and queasy I made my way down the street to our “holding pen” outside the main hall to wait for the panel discussion with Sam and Cait.   We were able to meet up with the lovely @supertam87, @sileas84, and @side-eyeing-you and chatted with a lot of other fans while we waited… and waited… and waited.  Seriously, you guys, attending a comic con is all about standing around and monitoring your fluid intake to make sure you don’t have to go to the bathroom at the wrong time.  Luckily I was dehydrated from the decongestants so I didn’t have to worry too much.

OH, MY GOD, IT’S STARTING!  Being in line so early paid off as we got 5th row center seats in the auditorium.  The hall was huge and completely filled up in a matter of minutes.  I feel like you miss so much in the room because you’re trying to switch from watching them on stage, to seeing them blown up on the screens to the side of the stage, to snapping pics, to trying to anticipate whether they are about to do something cute so your camera is at the ready.  Initial impression was that the panel was merely okay, but I’m jaded by having attended the NYC Apple Store event last year where it was a much more intimate setting and they were less guarded.  I’ll have to watch the video to see what I missed because I’ve seen a lot of cute gifs on tumblr.

GOOD LORD, HAVE THESE PEOPLE NEVER MANAGED LINES BEFORE?  The convention organizers came across as very disorganized.  Rather than routing us toward the hall through a series of roped off rows like an airport security checkpoint, we were crammed together in a pen behind some gates like cattle in a feed yard about to go to slaughter.  That set the tone for the day as staff struggled to figure out what to do with us as we queued for photo ops and autograph sessions.  All sense of time was lost as we stood packed cheek to jowl in very stuffy conditions.  By the time we approached our solo pics with Sam I was a sweaty mess - some combination of nerves, the cramped quarters, and the Robitussin.

A TOTAL OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE:  I turned into a blithering idiot during the photo ops.  For those of you who haven’t done this before, the process is similar to school picture day but with more yelling.  There is a tiny mirror hanging outside this curtained off area.  I seriously thought I was going to hyperventilate as we got close to the front of the line.  You have only a second to realize you are a sweaty mess before you give your ticket to someone and are waved into the booth.  You see Sam smiling with a fan plastered to his side while a photographer screams, “READY!”  *click* “NEXT!”  Then you are thrust toward Sam and he says hello while clasping you tightly.  You are too tongue-tied to say anything and too blinded by his beauty to look him in the eye.  "READY!“ *click* "NEXT!”  It’s over.  You can’t believe it happened, but you assume it did. Emotions were running high and we skipped away, giggling uncontrollably.  Then got back in line for the joint photo op and the solo Cait session…. which took all afternoon.  Observations: I’m shorter than I thought I was after seeing myself next to them.  Sam’s jacket is unbelievably soft and I’m surprised I didn’t pet him (or maybe I did - who can remember).  He smells really good (not that @chrismosstree would know…).  He’s also thinner than I expected.  Not skinny, but not beefy like in S1.  (He’s the same height as my brother but seems so much taller.) Cait’s legs are ridiculously long and her waist is in line with my bust.  She glows. It was all a blur.  I pride myself on being unflapable, but I was - well - flapped.  I was shy and embarrassed and nervous and excited and couldn’t put a sentence together, all at the same time. 

“THAT IS SO COOL!”  On to the autograph session and a two hour wait to deliver the Doll Frasers to Cait.  They had been packed in their little trunk and carried around all day while I mentally rehearsed what I would say.  A few people asked what was in the box (I carried it in a giant clear zip lock bag to guard again rain.) As I explained that our friend makes costumes for a set of Jamie and Claire dolls and poses them in scenes from the show, one woman asked if @outlanderedandoverhere had a booth at the con where she could buy her own set!  (There’s an idea for a revenue stream, Fiona…)  There were handlers taking each item to be autographed and passing them to Cait and Sam so that by the time you were in front of them the item was signed and you could be on your way.  I was a little worried that they might not allow gifts because I didn’t see anyone in front of me doing it and I had visions of carrying the trunk around for the next week only to have to ship it back to the U.K.  I knew I had to be quick and concise, so I removed the trunk from the bag and unlatched the lid.  I flipped it open and set the thr trunk down in front of Cait, telling her that we saw the Doll Fraser calendar on the wall in their makeup trailer and thought the cast and crew might like their own set of dolls to play with.  She said, “Yeah, yeah!” and lit up like a Christmas tree.  Seriously, smiling ear to ear and digging through the trunk.  I pointed out the charity t-shirts and she said, “That is so cool!”  She just could not stop staring at them while I babbled on about how the Doll Frasers have been adopted by our community.  Finally the handler tried to move on to the next fan and Cait sighed and reluctantly closed the trunk before tucking it under the table.  She even made a little sqeeing noise.  Sam was sitting too far away and occupied with signing to notice, and they were running waaay behind, so there was noopportunity to alert him to the transaction. However, the Doll Frasers were clearly a hit.  No telling where they go from here (I assume all gifts were sent to production offices in Scotland) but hopefully we’ll see or hear about them again at some point.

After that we were FINALLY finished for the day and headed out to meet up with other fans for dinner.  And, honestly, that was the best part of this event: meeting up with so many of you.  I have laughed (and coughed) so much in the last week that my abs might actually form a “six pack.” 😂  And I love how willing everyone is to share their experience and that so many are interested.

Some of you have asked about the cock blocking story.  It’s not that interesting and requires props and facial expressions to convey properly so it’s best done in person.  For some reason (ahem, @c2bend and @rainmanjdog) it’s taken on a life of its own.  Truly, I’m not trying to be a tease so I’ll see if I can figure out a way to tell it with @chrismosstree’s help.  We’re off to dinner now but will be back online later. 

tl:dr  Overall impressions are that Sam seemed very tired and a little guarded, Cait could not have been more lovely nor down to earth, and that we are an amazing, funny, smart, and lovely group of women.  Mwah!

His head was pounding to the beat of his heart. It hurt even without that, only intensifying at each beat. Everything hurt his head, the lights, his boyfriends humming, even thinking was too much for him.

“Will… please be quiet…” he begged in a whisper.

Will stopped humming and looked at Nico. They were both on the couch but at separate ends. Will had been poured over patient files, converting notes to his permanent records. He hadn’t even noticed he was humming. Nico could be moody at times but he didn’t think that was why his boyfriend suddenly snapped at him like that.

He was curled in on himself, he was paler than usual and the dark bags under his eyes were even more pronounced now. “Nico? A-are you feeling alright, babe.”

He groaned then mumbled, “m'fine,” sounding anything but. He spoke through clenched teeth like he was in pain, which of course he was.

“You shouldn’t lie to your doctor.” Will pointed out, earning another groan from his poorly looking boyfriend.

“Gods, I said I’m fine Will!” He said angrily, wincing as it caused his head to hurt more. “Just be quiet.” He snapped.

“Geez! Somebody sure is pissy tonight.” Will sassed back.

Nico looked at him and frowned, his angry expression softening. “Sorry babe… S'just a headache.” He was much quieter right now, clearly it was becoming more and more painful for him.

Will set his papers down and completely faced him now. “Are you going to tell me what’s really going on?”

Nico groaned yet again. “You really are a significant annoyance. I don’t feel well, alright? Happy now Mr. Sunshine?”


He frowned. “Not particularly. How could I be happy when you’re clearly feeling ill? Now what’s going on? What hurts?” He asked in that doctor-like way.

He rolled his eyes and winced. “Uh… My head is trying to murder me, my stomach keeps flipping inside me, I think I might have a fever too.” That was it but he felt so crummy it didn’t seem like it could only be three things giving him so much grief.

Will scooted over and felt his forehead, whistling in response which caused Nico to wince. “Sorry, sweetie. That’s some fever you’ve got..” He stood up.

“Where are you going!?” Nico asked looking panicked.

“Easy, Nico, I am just going to go get the thermometer so I can get a real read on this.” He pointed to Nico in general, who launched himself of the couch saying he wanted to go with but suddenly he crumpled to the ground in front of him.

“Nico!” Will shouted, trying to catch him but Nico was able to control the fall, going to his knees then all fours.

“Ahhh! Quiet! Please…” he held his temples and squeezed his eyes shut. “I just got up too fast…it made me dizzy.”

Will looked at him with worry and slowly helped Nico sit in a more comfortable way than on his hands and knees. “Why don’t I help you to bed and I’ll go get the thermometer?”

He had already lost his fight against not being found out, there was no reason to play it down anymore and now the only thing he wanted was to sleep without seeing his dinner again. He nodded and allowed Will to help him up and help him to bed.



When Will had taken his temperature earlier it had read at 102.9 which had explained why his head had hurt so badly. He fell asleep right away after his temperature was taken.

Nico wasn’t even awake, his body reacted without him being alert enough to stop himself. Will woke to a horrible sound and something hot and wet on his back. He was relatively unphased as this happened several times in his life, being a doctor and all. He slowly got up trying to avoid spreading the mess around. He could hear Nico being sick again before he could turn around, when he did he noticed Nico wasn’t actually awake.

“Oh Neeks…” He tisked lightly. He carefully removed his own shirt that was now soiled with Nico’s stomach contents. As he did this Nico threw up again. The mess was now spread out in front of his mouth and clinging to his cheek.

Nico himself was curled into a tight ball, laying on his side with an expression of misery etched on his face. When Will pulled the comforter off of his frail frame he saw that Nico was shivering violently and he had his arms wrapped protectively around his midsection. He had thrown up at least four times now and he still hadn’t woken up yet.

Will got out of bed and started to lift him up and into his arms. Only when he was being moved did he wake up. He was burning with fever much higher than before, and mostly unaware of what was happening. “Shit, you’re on fucking fire, Nico!”

Will picked him up and carried him to the bathroom, stripping them both down to only their boxers. He had to chuckle as he found Nico to be wearing the ones with hearts made of bones that he got him for Valentines day. His laughter short lived as Nico began dry heaving. He started the water in the tub turning on the shower to a chilly barely warm stream and grabbed Nico again. He sat under the water and laid Nico atop himself, letting his naked body be chilled by the luke-warm stream.

After what felt like an eternity Nico started to stir. “Hhnnnng….” He moaned, then whined, “Isss cooold….!”

Will kissed him, so thrilled he was awake enough to feel it. “Oh thank the gods! Nico! You’re alive!”

“Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be?”

“It’s just an expression,” he said rolling his eyes. “How do you feel?”

“Wet…and not in the fun way…” He mumbled. “I feel sick…”

“Yeah, well, you’ve soiled our bed. I’ll clean it up when your fever is lower.”

“You know, I am not Percy, the water doesn’t help me feel better.” Nico pointed out, starting to shiver.

Will just rolled his eyes. “It will lower your fever.”

“I-if you s-say s-so.” he said grumpily, curling up and nuzzling deeper into Will’s freckly chest, seeking out any warmth he could find.

“I’ll get you better, I promise.”

“I know.” Nico mumbled into his chest.