it looks so much like jimmy

okay listen up y'all, im so mad. like rlly mad. it’s june, halfway through the year of 2017. and yet dan howell still hasn’t has his face on a fashion magazine, still hasn’t made any deals with versace or chanel or coach or even vera wang. why isn’t his gorgeous self strutting down ny fashion week runways, face glimmering with anastasia beverly hills highlighter and a pair of black, glamorous jimmy choos clomping elegantly on the elevated marble? what is this? he deserves it, he deserves it so much. look at that haute couture boy in the brown, hooded, enchanting eyes and try to disagree with my plead. i demand an explanation.

  • Jim Morrison fans: I want to do acid with him in Yellow Stone.
  • David Bowie fans: He's my weird dad and he's made of light.
  • Jimmy Page fans: I'm smoking weed right now.
  • Paul McCartney fans: What the fuck did you just say? No, what the fuck? Don't TRY me bitch!!!!!!
  • John Lennon fans: He was so smart :) he knew so much :) he was so enlightened.
  • Bob Dylan fans: I don't mind the sound of glass breaking. I love the noise of nails on a chalk board. I like the smell of cheap weed.
  • Brian Jones fans: AHHHHHH look how cute AHHHHH.
  • Keith Richards fans: Here's grandpa. He's immortal and we love him.
  • Iggy Pop fans: *Naked, covered in glitter and screaming.*
  • Lou Reed fans: This is our Lou. A naughty bucket of sin but we love him nonetheless.
Too Bad You’re Famous- Tom Holland x Reader

request: You meet tom on insta because you made fun of him!

summary: reader lives in new york and makes fun of tom while he is in town, you make fun of him and you catch his eye…

word count: 560

——————————-

You crossed and uncrossed your legs, uncomfortable in the crowded Times Square McDonalds. You didn’t even like it but your best friend was on her period and she liked this one best, so out of obligation you were here. While Y/F/N waited in the extensive line you scrolled through instagram. 

@tomholland2013 posted:

You stared at the picture trying to figure out what it reminded you of. And then it hit you: JIMMY NEUTRON. You couldn’t help but snort out loud, you commented:

hahaha, you look like jimmy neutron, soft serve on your head 💩😂

Satisfied with yourself you leaned back in the seat. You placed your phone on the table when your friend returned to the table with her food.

“Hey what are you so smiley about?” Y/F/N asked. You felt your eyes roll and chuckled.

“Oh just this funny comment I left on Tom Holland’s instagram.” You knew that she would roll her eyes hardcore because she thought you liked Tom a bit too much.

“..Oh my god, girl look at your phone, HE COMMENTED AT YOU!” Y/F/N started freaking out. Scrambling for your phone, you tried not to get your hopes up. You knew she liked to make fun of you for your “little” obsession. It really is too bad he’s famous.

@tomholland2013 said: @yourinstagram wow thanks, love that lil dude


2 years later, you sit looking at the handsome boy across from you. Tom lifted his head to see you staring at him with an amused smile. He squinted his eyes and you and tilted his head in suspicion.

“What? You look like you just committed a crime and you look too proud of yourself.” You threw your head back and laughed at him.

“I was just thinking about how we met.” You know that your story isn’t super romantic or anything, I mean you made fun of him on instagram and then you guys got to talking on DM and it just escalated from there.

“A joke on instagram, led to me living with you. Technology is weird but without it I wouldn’t have the love of my life.” Tom reached over and lifted your hand to kiss it.

“You know, the other day this guy commented on one of my posts saying that I was gorgeous, maybe I should date him instead?” You jokingly pulled your hand out of his grasp and crossed your legs contemplatively on the couch.

Tom’s eyes turned dark and he slowly stood up, “You’re going to regret that.” You eyes widened in excited fear as he pounced on you and started tickling your belly.

“STOP, STOP OKAY OKAY I LOVE YOU!” You shouted in mercy. Tom retreated his offensive hands and flopped back next to you, causing your body to bounce a little from his weight displacing the pillows.

“That’s what I like to hear,” His breathing was a little labored, funny that tickling you could tire Spider-man out so much. He smiled the most sincere smile, one only Tom was capable of, and lifted a hand to your chin. Tilting your head to him you greeted his lips happily with yours. He kissed you gently, like he always does when he is sappy like this, and you couldn’t imagine a place you’d rather be than on your shared saggy couch wrapped up in Tom’s arms on a rainy Sunday morning.

————————

(tags under the cut)

Keep reading

  • Winn: Is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing?
  • Kara: No, it’s called highjacking.
  • James: Guys, no, it’s weedwhacking.
  • Alex: No, it’s called disappointing your mother.
Better Babysitter (TG/AP)

              Jimmy and Kyle were sulking in their room, waiting for their annoying babysitter to arrive. Their parents had gone out for the night and called the babysitter over on short notice. The boys hated their babysitter; she never let them play video games or watch the movies they wanted to, and she always made them go to bed super early. They’d do anything to get rid of her, and thankfully Kyle had swiped a shriveled monkey’s paw from the flea market his parents had taken them to last weekend. He had heard the old woman selling the monkeys paws talking about their wish-granting abilities, so he grabbed one when she wasn’t looking and planned to use it to get rid of their current babysitter. He pulled it out from beneath his bed and showed it to his brother.

              “Hey, Jimmy, check this out. This thing is supposed to be able to grant wishes, so I’m gonna wish for a new babysitter!”

              “Haha, okay,” Jimmy said, scoffing at the thought. He was younger than Kyle, but he considered himself more realistic than his older brother. “Well, what’re you waiting for? Make the wish.”

              “You just watch, little bro,” Kyle said, holding up the monkey’s paw. “I wish we had a babysitter that let us do whatever we wanted!”

              The words of Kyle’s wish echoed in the room, surprising the boys. Suddenly, the monkey’s fist closed and disintegrated into dust. The dust slipped through Kyle’s fingers and began to swirl around the room before enveloping Jimmy. Jimmy screamed as the dust moved faster around him, tearing his clothes and transforming them into a plain, white garment that looked suspiciously like a dress.

              “What’s happen- ack!” As soon as Jimmy opened his mouth, the dust flooded into him and caused him to cough and gag. He fell onto his back as he caught his breath again, sputtering out puffs of dust with a few coughs. “What did that thing do to me?”

              “I, uh, I don’t know. Are you okay?”

              “Yeah, I think. But what’s with my cloth- ooohhhh!” Jimmy began to moan as he felt his chest begin to tingle. The two boys looked at Jimmy’s chest as it began to expand. He threw his arms up as his bones began to crack, growing longer and wider, and leaving him with a torso that looked like it belonged to someone much older than he was. His moans grew louder and more feminine as two mounds of flesh began to protrude from his chest. With a sudden burst, he thrust his chest forward as two sizable breasts grew beneath his enlarging nipples. The boys stared at Jimmy’s ample new cleavage as Jimmy continued to moan, his new breasts sending unknown pleasures coursing through his maturing body.

              “Why is this happening?” Jimmy screamed, noticing how much older, yet girly, he sounded.

              “I don’t know! I’m sorry!” Kyle yelled in panic. “I’m so sorr-“

              “OW!” Jimmy yelled as his legs began to ache. He kicked his legs out in pain as they extended slightly. He felt another tingling coming from his crotch as it began to retract between his legs. It felt uncomfortable and pleasurable at the same time. His heart began to race as his thrashing body caused his breasts to bounce and jiggle on his chest. The sensations coming from his crotch and chest began to blend together, sending more orgasmic feelings coursing through his body. He couldn’t help but moan even more as he continued to grow older and sexier. He felt his boy parts slip between his legs as a fleshy clit took form, growing damper by the second. His legs were still aching though, and combined with the pleasure coursing through his body, the sensations flowing through him caused him to convulse and kick his legs violently as they snapped and extended. Each kick added a few inches to his height, while at the same time inflating his ass. He felt his behind grow enough to raise his lower back off the floor, his spine cracking and taking on a feminine arch as he grew.

              He looked at his brother as he continued to grow older and more feminine. He wanted to cry for help, but as he opened his mouth, all that came out was a feminine moan.

              “Hu…huuuuuuumph…” Jimmy moaned between breaths. Kyle couldn’t help but notice how sultry his little brother sounded now. Kyle himself was just hitting puberty, so seeing his younger brother turning into such an attractive specimen was making Kyle exceedingly confused and uncomfortable.

              “Jimmy, I’m so sorry…” Kyle said on the verge of tears. “I shouldn’t have stolen that thing. This is my fault.”

              Jimmy wanted to say something to his brother, but he felt his face beginning to change as his mind began to grow foggy. He felt his hair grow down his neck and tickle his back, turning a dark blonde in the process. His eyes widened and slanted as they took on a sultry, alluring appearance. His lips thinned out as his nose cracked and shrank a bit, planting itself cutely about his mouth. His face tingled as makeup applied itself to his mature new face. He had aged well into his twenties in a matter of minutes, and as his new reproductive system flooded his body with new hormones, he began to have entirely alien thoughts. He felt his new clit grow damp as memories of cute guys hitting on him entered his mind. His memories of being the best student in school became memories of being the sexist girl in school. He wanted to fight it, but as images of jocks fucking him in the locker room after school flooded his mind, he began to give in. His clit was so wet and so sensitive, and as he slowly began to rub it with a manicured hand, his name began to fade. Jimmy slowly turned into Jade as memories of going to college and meeting her boyfriend formed in the new girl’s mind. She quickly came and screamed in orgasm as Jimmy embraced his new identity. The new girl leaned up and stood over Kyle. She stared at the young boy ogling her exposed crotch and smirked.

              She only took this babysitting job for the easy money, and at least this little brat never gave her any trouble.

              “My boyfriend is coming over tonight, so I’m gonna go get changed.” She said with an authoritative tone. “You can play video games or watch TV or whatever. I don’t care. Just don’t bother me unless it’s an emergency. And don’t tell your parents, unless you want me to take your video games away.”

              “Ji- Jimmy? Are you still in there?” Kyle said hesitantly. “Please, little bro…” Jade didn’t respond. She simply walked into another room and began to change into a bikini for her boyfriend. This kid’s parents were loaded and had a pool in the backyard, so she and her boyfriend were going to have a ball with their private pool for the night. She loved her job, and while Kyle was still confused and traumatized by what he just witnessed, at least his wish was fulfilled. Just not exactly how he expected it, or wanted it, to be.  

The pornstache

(A/N): I’m so sorry you guys but I’m having really bad writer’s block right now and I couldn’t even write my own requests but I was sorta feeling this one so that’s why I’m writing it right now…sorry again

Request: CAN I REQUEST A SEB WITH THE PORNSTACHE? PPL ARE MAKING FUN OF HIM FOR IT AND HE ACTS LIKE HE DOESN’T CARE BUT PART OF HIM DOES BUT IT TURNS READER ON? LOL IDK, FEELIN’ THE STACHE REAL HARD RN HAHAHA.

Warnings: hints of smut

Tags: @mcuimxgine, @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x, @saradi1018, @holland-toms, @superwholockian309, @fly-f0rever, @capbuckthor, @livandlilah


   (I actually thoroughly enjoy the pornstache)

  You sigh softly as you listen to the roar of the crowd, just outside the blue curtains. This wasn’t the first time you’d ever been on a talkshow but no matter how many times you were on TV you’d never get used to it. You were much more comfortable behind some glass walls, singing your little heart out, not out in the open for everyone to judge you. 

   “And please welcome our special guest (Y/N) (Y/L/N)!” The curtains open and you plaster on a smile as you walk out, hoping no one could tell just how scared you were. 

   Jimmy Fallon, the host of the show you were on tonight greeted you with a wide smile and open arms. You gladly meandered into his arms, hugging him lightly as he beamed from ear to ear. 

   “It’s so glad to finally have you back on the show! It’s been what- 2, 3 years?” 

   “I think it’s been three,” You chuckle lightly, grimacing just a bit at your voice. “I’m so lazy, like it takes so much effort to put out music. You have to get out of bed, go to the studios at ungodly hours of the morning, sing for hours on end, and then repeat the whole process again,” You sigh softly, smiling just a bit. “But luckily I can look like shit and no one’s gonna notice right?” Everyone laughs at this, only partly boosting your confidence. 

   “Oh come on,” Jimmy gently smacks your shoulder. “I bet you look great,” 

   “Oh no,” You chuckle. “I look so bad in the mornings, like I’m surprised I don’t scare the shit out of my-” You pause, smiling as you think of your man back home; Sebastian. God, you loved that man more than anything. 

   “Out of your fiancee?” You nod and smile, unable to stop a blush from spreading over your cheeks. 

   “Yeah, I’m surprised he doesn’t leave me or something,” 

   “Um uh-” Jimmy chuckles, unable to even get through his sentence without giggling. “Speaking of your fiancee, aka Sebastian Stan.” At this everyone cheers, hollering and screaming at the mention of the love of your life. What made it even worse was that you knew he was watching from home, no doubt smiling as he recognized that tell tale blush of yours. “Can we just talk about his new facial hair?” At this Jimmy pulls out a picture of Seb with the mustache he’d recently been growing, a god awful pedostache. You laugh hysterically, snorting a bit as you look at the photo. 

   “Oh my god,” You laugh as you reach out and take the photo, looking at it more closely. “He looks like a poor kicked puppy,” You laugh some more, tears nearly falling from your eyes as you look at the picture. 

   “Do you kiss him with that thing?” You nod your head, still cackling at the photo. 

   “Oh it’s so great,” You giggle lightly as you pass the photo back to Jimmy. “But yes- yes I do kiss him with that thing,” 

   “Oh (Y/N),” Jimmy cringes, laughing just a bit. “It’s so bad though-” 

   “I think it’s adorable! Just look at this face!” You gesture to Seb’s face in the photo, still smiling widely. 

   “Everyone thinks it’s so awful though,” 

   “Well I think it’s absolutely adorable,” 

  “You really do?”

  “I really do,” You smile and nod affirmatively, looking at the photo again. 

  “So enough about Seb’s god awful facial hair-” Jimmy directs your attention away from the photograph and instead to an album, more specifically your album. 

   “So this is your fourth or fifth album?” Jimmy asks, giving you a slight smile. And with that conversation you delve into your interview about your most recent album. 


    You try to close your apartment door behind you quietly, hoping that you wouldn’t make enough noise to wake up Seb. It was 3 in the morning after all and after the show Jimmy had wanted you to stay and talk with him, the roots, and all the other guest stars on the show tonight. But as you open the door gently you began to realize that perhaps you may not need to be quiet after all because sitting right there on your couch is Seb, the remote to the TV clutched in his hand. 

   “Seb, What are you doing up?” You ask as you slide your shoes off, reveling in finally being free from the objective material. 

   “I was watching your show,” He mumbles sleepily as he rubs at his eyes in the cutest fashion. “I wanted to stay up and wait for you,” You smile softly as you make your way to the couch, taking a seat beside the exhausted looking Seb. 

   “You should’ve been in bed hours ago,” 

   “ ‘M fine,” Seb mumbles as he nuzzles into your neck, his mustache tickling your skin just lightly enough to border on tickling and pleasure. 

   “You’ve been up filming for hours straight, you should be resting,” 

   “I’m really fine (Y/N),” Seb smiles against your neck, his lips curling upwards wonderfully. “I don’t think I could’ve gone to sleep anyways,” 

   “How come?” You ask as you reach up to run your fingers through Seb’s wonderful hair. 

   “Well I’ve been meaning to ask you something since your show,” 

   “Yeah?” 

   “You really like the mustache?” Seb’s tone held just a bit of insecurity, one that you had to put a stop to immediately. 

   “Yes.” You reply quickly, almost too quickly. “I really like it, you can really rock the look,” 

   “I think you’re the only one who thinks that-” 

   “But that’s all that matters right? Who cares what your fans think, or some stupid magazine? So long as your soon to be spouse enjoys it then that’s all that matters,” Seb smiles gently as he kisses your neck softly, allowing his skin to brush against yours deliciously. 

   “That’s all that matters to me,” You sigh as his lips brush against your sweet spot with every word, each little brush of his lips sending fire to your core. 

   “You know what?” You smirk as you continue to run your fingers through Seb’s messy hair. “I think I’d like that mustache even more if you put it to good use,” Seb pulls away just a bit, looking at you with a curious look. “I bet your lips would feel incredible between my legs right now,” Is all you provide as you spread your legs apart, enticing your fiancee just a bit. 

   “Oh doll,” Seb sighs a bit as he leans down, his lips brushing by the waist band of your dress pants. “I’m gonna make you feel real good,” 

Why you should buy: Nova 2016-2017

The Nova Corps, if you don’t know, were basically the intergalactic police force of old. Powered by their technologically advanced helmets and armor, the Corps are now nonexistent except for two Novas of Earth: Richard Rider and Sam Alexander. Marvel’s 2016 series Nova, by Jeff Loveness and Ramon Perez, is essentially a buddy cop series in space. Comedy, adventure, drama, family, friendship, romance, and more, Nova has something for everyone, and is (for me) one of the best ongoing comics hitting the shelves.

This comic really compliments Marvel’s more comedic yet heartwarming tone that they’re implementing in their cosmic/space adventure genre. If you like Guardians of the Galaxy in any form, Nova is definitely for you! Some other reasons to read Nova: 

1. Captivating Characters and POC lead

Richard Rider was the original Nova, who died a hero by sacrificing his life for the galaxy, but mysteriously returned to life. Sam Alexander is a mixed Mexican teenager from Arizona who inherited his Nova helmet from his missing father, who was a part of the Nova Corps. While Sam’s character is more focussed in growing up, high school, and family, Richard’s is completely different, tackling issues of life, the difficulties of moving on, and trauma. The contrast between the Novas of new and old also add to why the comic is so diverse when it comes to genres, but instead of feeling convoluted, the narratives compliment each other extremely well. The bond that builds between Richard and Sam create a really interesting and fun dynamic that’s less of a typical mentor/mentee relationship then something much more complex and personal. They both learn from each other and grow through their friendship, which makes their character development intriguing and appealing.

The artist and co-writer, Ramon Perez, is also Latino, and he’s made it clear how much he loves Sam (lol), and is keen on depicting him and his family very visibly Not White. So you’re also supporting creators of color by buying this series! 

(There’s also a talking Russian astronaut telepath dog, Cosmo, who’s a friend of the Novas and a very cute and hilarious addition to the cast) 

2. Gorgeous Art/Colors

Ramon Perez’s art style is extremely dynamic and beautiful, and Ian Herring’s bright color palette full of pinks, purples, and blues create a visually stunning comic. Fight scenes are thrilling, and alien and enemy designs are completely lovely. 

My favorite parts of the comic art-wise is of Richard and the demons that torment and infect him (no spoilers…) These depictions are mind-blowingly gorgeous and haunting. Not much else to say other then to take a look for yourself! 

3. Its Pretty Fucking Funny/Endearing 

Jeff Loveness is a Emmy and WGA nominated comedic writer for Jimmy Kimmel, The Onion, and more. His extremely well-crafted dialogue is full of humor and fun, and the comedy makes the characters even more charming. He also enjoys poking fun at the ridiculousness of the comic world: 

(This scene has like 20,000 notes so why did none of ya’ll actually buy the comic)

I also love how the humor in Sam’s scenes make him a very endearing kid you really want to root for. Sam’s self-doubt and typical teenage insecurity is very relatable and always depicted in the best ways: 

Unfortunately, despite all the good reviews and positive fan feedback, this comic is getting cancelled after 7 issues, which is a huge mistake on Marvel’s part. Nova really feels like its just starting on something big, and it was heartbreaking for me to hear about its cancellationI really wish I wrote this sooner (Loveness and Perez were so bummed out about it, I feel like I personally failed them) but I’ll still do anything to promote this comic as much as possible, the creators deserve that much. Its a very charming and entertaining series, and I love this hidden gem with all my heart! I hope this convinced you to read Nova!

Definitely check out if you like: Starlord, Guardians of the Galaxy, Power-Man and Iron Fist, Ms. Marvel, Green Lanterns, and Blue Beetle. Tbh i’d even say space dramas like Voltron and Cowboy Bebop have a similar vibe.

If you enjoy the comic, please support these creators and sales by buying the comic instead of torrenting! Check out your nearest comic book store, or buy digital issues on Marvel.com or Comixology.com for #1-5! 

Family Dinner - Jimmy Darling Smut

Your name: submit What is this?

Requested: yup :)

Request(s):  Can you do a Jimmy Darling smutty imagine where Jimmy is sad about his hands being different and Y/N comforts him and seduces him and they have rough sex? Dom!Y/N and sub!Jimmy?? Thank you so much -anon; Jimmy Darling smut please with some fluff ;) maybe he is insecure and the reader shows him how much she loves him :) -anon; A fluffy smut Jimmy Darling imagine please :) -anon

Type: Smut

Warnings: well it’s smut lmao so idk ??? 

Summary: Lately, your best friend Jimmy seems sad all the time, and when you find out the reason why, you try to cheer him up and you accidentally let him know how you really feel about him, and prove it to him when he doesn’t believe you.

Notes: GUYS IM HAVING SO MANY JIMMY FEELS RN SO EXPECT A HELLA LOT OF JIMMY IMAGINES SOON AKA TODAY // SEND IN REQUESTS OR PROMPTS (fluff or smut)!

p.s. i got a little carried away with this one

❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥

You and Jimmy had been best friends for as long as you could remember. His mother and your mother had been friends since before you were born, and when your parents got divorced and you and your mother fell on hard times, Ethel was there to help. “I knew that good for nothin’ fool wasn’t worth it,” Ethel had told your mom. She practically begged the two of you to come live at the Freakshow with them, and insisted that Elsa wouldn’t mind. So, you and your mother ended up getting your own caravan right next to Ethel and Jimmy’s, and since neither of you really qualified as “freaks,” you spent your time helping with things like the cooking, and setting up the show every night. So, over the past 10 or so years, you and Jimmy had beome very close, and you couldn’t imagine it any other way.


Lately, you had been so worried about him. He’d seemed really down in the dumps, and you couldn’t figure out why. After a few days of noticing that he wasn’t eating much and barely talking to you, you decided to try and cheer him up, and maybe find out what was bothering him. So you pulled out your mother’s favorite cookbook and began making some of his favorite foods: spaghetti and chocolate cake. You figured you’d invite him and his mother over for dinner like old times, and then when you got some time alone with him, maybe try and ask him what was wrong lately.


Before beginning to cook, you told your mother what you were planning, and asked her if she would ask the Darlings to come over around 6. So you pulled down a large pot and began cooking, seeing as it was already 5.

Originally posted by everybody-loves-to-eat

At 6:04, there was a hard knock at the door, and then Jimmy peeked his head around the corner. “Hey darlin’,” he grinned, before shutting the door behind him. He had a habit of calling you pet names like darlin’ or sweetheart, and you couldn’t say you minded. Far from it actually– you couldn’t remember a time when your stomch didn’t instantly turn into a swarm of butterflies when he called you something like that.


“Our mommas might be a while, they got caught up with Eve on the walk over.” he giggled a little, his dimples popping out.


“That’s alright, we can just hang out till they get here,” you smiled back, walking over to him. “I’ve missed you, Jimmy. We don’t spend as much time togther as we used to.”


He looked down at the floor, and although you could see a blush creeping onto his cheeks, you heard him mumble something along the lines of “Yeah, sure you have.”


You looked up at him, frowning, “What’s that supposed to mean? Of course I missed you, you’re my best friend.”


“Look, I’m sorry Y/N. It’s just that…I find it hard to believe that someone like you would actually care that much about a freak like me. You’re beautiful, and normal, and I’m not. I just can’t help feeling like you’ve only stuck around because my Ma’s friends with yours.”


Suddenly it hit you. “Oh, Jimmy,” you cooed, sitting down on the couch in front of him and holding his hands in your smaller ones, “That’s why you’ve been so distant lately? You think I don’t really care about you?”


He avoided your gaze and kept quiet. “Jimmy, I… I love you.”


“What?” He asked, his eyes suddenly flicking up from the ground and meeting yours. “What’d you say?”


You could feel your cheeks heating up rapidly, but now that it was out, you figured you had nothing else to lose, so you kept going. “I said I love you.” you repeated. “I’ve loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you, when we were 8 years old and I saw you eat a worm on a dare,” you smiled, and Jimmy let out a chuckle, remembering the first time you met. “I love you more than anything else Jimmy Darling, and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. And I’m sorry if I mess up our entire friendship by saying all this, but it’s too late to stop now. I don’t just care about you, I love you. And I never want to hear you say otherwise ever again, aright?”


Jimmy stood frozen in front of you, his eyes wide and his mouth sightly agape. He wasn’t speaking but he hadn’t removed his hands from their spot between your palms, so you supposed that was a good sign. “Please say something before I throw up from embaressment.”


“I love you, God I love you Y/N.” He gushed, kneeling down in front of you, “I just never said anything beause I thought you wouldn’t feel the same.”


“That’s why I didn’t tell you sooner.” You admitted.


“W-would it be okay if I kissed you?” He asked, glancing own at your still interlocked hands. You nodded vigorously, before leaning into him and pressing your lips to his, and you swear you saw fireworks. And even though it was the first kiss you’d ever had with him, he kissed you like it would be the last.


“I love you so much,” you mumbled into his neck, “so God damn much, don’t ever forget that.” You rested your hand on his thigh, not even meant to be in a sexual way, but you head Jimmy’s breath catch in his throat, and he swallowed roughly. “Oh, you like that?” you teased, smiling as you rubbed your hand up his thigh a bit higher, until your fingers were only inches away from his crotch.


“Mhm… you can keep going, i-if you want,” he mumbled, biting his lip, before leaning down to kiss you again. 


“Wait,” you pulled away slowly, panting, “if we’re gonna do this, we should probably go to your caravan, we don’t need our mothers walking in on me blowing you, now do we?”


Jimmy laughed, his dimples showing off again, “Oh, so you’ll be blowing me?”


You rolled your eyes, but could feel a flush creeping over your cheeks as the realization of what you had said hit you. “Shut up, just hand me that notepad and a pen so they don’t worry about where we went whenever they actually get here.”


He smirked, but did as you requested, so you scribbled out a note.

You then stuck it on the cabinet above the pot of spaghetti, and quickly followed Jimmy outside and next door to his caravan, which was next to his mother’s. Once he shut and locked the door behind you, you immediately pressed his back against the wall, threw your arms around his neck and crashed your mouth to his. Your fronts were pressed together tightly, and you could feel Jimmy getting hard as you continued kissing him. You reached down and popped the button of his pants open. “Is it okay if I…?” you trailed off, knowing that he’d know what you meant. 


“Please,” Jimmy practically whimpered, and you pressed your lips to his again. Without breaking the kiss, you pushed his pants and boxers down, and began pumping him with your hand. Jimmy let out a groan into your mouth, and you pulled away from him, to kneel down and take his dick in you mouth. You placed your left hand on his hip, and your right hand on the base of his cock. “Ohhh, fuck Y/N, don’t stop.”


But soon after, you did stop, just before Jimmy came. You stood up and started unbuttoning his shirt. Jimmy then kicked off his pants, as you leaned in, and whispered, “Go wait on the bed, baby.” 


Jimmy smirked and planted a few kisses on your neck, and then did as you told him and laid back on the bed. You undressed yourself in front of him, and looked directly at him as you unclipped your bra and pulled down your panties. It was taking everything in Jimmy to not reach down and jerk himself off to the sight of you, but he knew that what was to come would be even better.


As soon as you were completely naked, you climbed onto the bed and sat straddled Jimmy’s lap. You grabbed his dick and rubbed the tip over your soaking wet slit, recieving a low, gutteral groan from the back of his throat. “Baby stop teasing.”


You slowly slid onto Jimmy’s length, and he threw his head back and sighed with relief. His hands gripped your thighs and you began building up a rhythm, as you leaned forward an gripped Jimmy’s shoulder’s. He sat up and took one of your nipples in his mouth, while he raked his hands down your back.


You let out a loud moan, and reached down to rub your clit. “You gonna cum soon baby?” you asked breathlessly. But before Jimmy could answer, you leaned down and started leaving hickeys and wet kisses all over his neck and collarbones.


A couple seconds later, Jimmy’s panting got louder, and a few quiet moanes escaped his lips, and you felt him cum inside of you. You continued moving on him until you felt your own orgasm taking over, and you practically screamed with pleasure. Once you had caught your breath, you pulled yourself off of Jimmy’s dick, and stood up.


“How are you up this fast? I’m exhausted and I didn’t even do any of the work,” Jimmy laughed, as he watched you get dressed with his hands behind his head.


You chuckled. “I am too, but we gotta go. Dinner, remember?”


Jimmy groaned, but stood up and began getting dressed as well. You stood in front of the small mirror by his bed as you ran your fingers through your hair, trying to smooth it out. Once Jimmy was fully dressed again, he hugged you from behind and rested his head on your shouler, peppering kisses on your cheek. “You ready, doll? You look gorgeous.”


You smiled and turned your head to peck his lips. “Mhm.”


The two of you walked towards you & your mother’s caravan, with Jimmy’s arm draped around your shoulders. When you pulled the door open, you saw your mom and Ethel seated at the small table, talking and laughing,


“Hey ma,” Jimmy grinned.


“Hey you two,” Ethel replied, returning Jimmy’s smile.


“Did you have fun on your walk?” your mom asked, taking a sip from the mug she was holding.


“Oh yeah,” Jimmy answered, “And lots of it.”

6

Harry and the crew at the Jimmy Kimmel soundcheck. 

Because that’s what Harry does; spreading the love, kindness and humor - to everyone.

AU List

Oh. my. god. Huge ass AU list done with byrdboiv

Part 1 | Part 2

AUSTRALIAN HIGH SKOOL LUV AFFAIR AU

  • ‘I’m a student teacher at your school and you’re a senior who keeps on trying to ask me out in your free periods – I mean, I would because you’re only younger than me by like, five years ABSOLUTE MAXIMUM, and you’re kind of totally my type? But hey, I’ve got to keep some sense of professionalism’ AU
  • ‘I’m a basketball coach in the year above you from your brother/sister school, and you’re that kid who can’t ball for shit, has friends in the team I’m coaching, and told me that I was really short and had really pretty eyes, you’re distracting me my team, fight me in the PIT, motherfucker’ AU
  • ‘I’m part of the IT at the school you work at, and you’re a drama teacher – you keep asking me for help with the sound and lighting even though we both know that’s the job for the deputy principal’s sound and lighting kids’ AU
  • ‘I’m your best bro and you’re my best bro, we used to have broners for each other but now I have a romantic boner for you, bro, and I don’t know about you. I’m sorry, bro. All the homo’ AU
  • ‘I’m in your Mathematics class and you sit next to me, whispering words of encouragement after my teacher verbally bodyslams me for my epic math fails’ AU
  • ‘I’m a 500% troublemaker and you’re a 500% goody two-shoes and we’re both in the Student Representative Council – who will come out on top? (Not in the sexual way, oh my God is this really happening I had no idea you had it in you, we’re both minors but I don’t think either of us could care less; so much for you being good.)’ AU
  • ‘I’m really hungry and I forgot my lunch and I have no money to buy food at the canteen, and you just passed me a $10 bill, I am 10000% willing to become you sex slave right now, bless the ground you walk on, O Benevolent One’ AU
  • ‘I’m walking past the basketball courts and you’re just lying in the centre of the courts. Staring into the sky. I’m going to join you’ AU
  • ‘I’m in your P.E. class and you’ve been doing a plank for 5 solid minutes, are you an Olympian or something??’ AU
  • ‘I’m a VA student and I fucking hate basketball to the nth degree but my teacher wants me to paint a basketball hoop and backboard for my assignment and fuckyou you’re playing on my reference, move aside bitch’ AU
  • ‘I do Latin and so do you, but you’re in a year below me and ask me for help a lot because your pronunciation may be great but your grammar is not’ AU
  • ‘I’m working part-time at a fast food joint and holy fuck, you and your friends just came to order stuff and oh no I have this huge fat crush on you because you’re always so nice to everyone and to me, I hope you don’t notice the fear in my Customer Service Smile™’ AU
  • ‘I do notifications over the PA every morning and you like my voice??? You want to ask me out for coffee????? Like, right now?????? School has already started???????You’re in Year 9 and I’m in Year 11 and I do NOT want you to skip school just for this?????????????’ AU
  • ‘We’re both in a school volleyball team and we’re the only ones not here for the gay volleyball anime (well, maybe)’ AU
  • ‘We’re both in a school basketball team and we’re the only ones not here for that one gay basketball anime (well, not really)’ AU
  • ‘We’re both in the same swimming squad and hell yeah are we here for the gay swimming anime’ AU
  • ‘I’m a VA student and you’ve been bringing me food for the past month after school when I’ve been working on my artwork, even though we’re in brother/sister schools and I only really get to talk to you at our interschool vocals club and/or on Facebook (which is really rare, to be honest), I really need to pay you back, does my eternal love and devotion (or dedication of my artwork to you) suffice?’ AU
  • ‘We’re married teachers in the Science faculty and the students keep on making jokes about us having chemistry, please bury me’ AU
  • ‘I have a TAFE account and you’re begging me for it – are you really willing to give me what you’re offering, I mean, an entire cake, your virginity and your first born child is not something that should be bartered for something you could Google at home’ AU
  • ‘We just snuck into the movies together because our friends dared us to get in, watch a movie and get back out without getting caught, hell yeah, this isn’t a date by the way what are you saying, fuck, this movie’s sad, fuck, I’m not crying, fuck, you’re holding me in your arms and it feels right, fUCK’ AU
  • ‘I’m part of the IT at the school you work at, and you’re a drama teacher – you keep asking me for help with the sound and lighting even though we both know that’s the job for the deputy principal’s sound and lighting kids’ AU
  • ‘I’m a basketball coach in the year above you from your brother/sister school, and you’re that kid who can’t ball for shit, has friends in the team I’m coaching, and told me that I was really short and had really pretty eyes, you’re distracting me my team, fight me in the PIT, motherfucker’ AU
  • ‘I’m a student teacher at your school and you’re a senior who keeps on trying to ask me out in your free periods – I mean, I would because you’re only younger than me by like, five years ABSOLUTE MAXIMUM, and you’re kind of totally my type? But hey, I’ve got to keep some sense of professionalism’ AU
  • ‘Your notes are the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever been graced with, and what the fuck, how can you even do this when our history teacher talks rapid-fire’ AU
  • ‘THE FUCKER THAT’S BEEN BLASTING WHITNEY HOUSTIN IN THE MUSIC ROOM, STOP’ AU
  • ‘I leaned over your shoulder to see the creative writing piece you’ve been working on for the past hour, and oh my gosh????? You’re that writer in the school magazine with the mysterious alias, and I admire you so much???? Did you sell your soul to the devil to reach that level of eloquence tell me your sECRET’ AU


OCCUPATIONS/JOBS AU

Fast Food Outlet

  • I work at McDonalds and you’re the fuckface who tries to order my number with a 24pck of chicken nuggets and a large strawberry sundae every single fucking time (I mean, I’d give you my number if you bought a chocolate sundae instead, strawberry is wrong)’
  • I work at KFC, why in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour, did you buy six 450ml servings of mash potato, sit down at a table close by, open each of them up and drink them all.
  • I’m a Domino’s Pizza deliveryman and you just bought 20 pizzas, there’s not even a party at your house? Are you going to eat this all yourself in one go? Are you just bulk buying so you can reheat it later and not bother calling us up again? Pizza’s way better fres– fuck, you’re crying, what do I do, they didn’t teach me this in my training.
  • I’m working part-time at a fast food joint and holy fuck, you and your friends just came to order stuff and oh no I have this huge fat crush on you because you’re always so nice to everyone and to me, I hope you don’t notice the fear in my Customer Service Smile™.
  • ‘As an employee, I shouldn’t be saying this, but it is NOT nutritionally acceptable to eat here every day. Drop by after my shift ends and I’ll cook you some real food’ AU


Convenience/Greengrocer store AU


  • ‘I’m a convenience store owner and you’re asking me whether the $2 or $3 noodles are better, I like both of them, what do I say, you’re looking at me with bigass puppydog eyes, I am fucked’ AU
  • ‘I’m your local greengrocer’s cashier and you’ve been staring at the tomatoes for over 15 minutes now, Jimmy, hold the register’ AU
  • ‘Why on earth are you holding that fruit to your ear like you can hear the fucking sea or something’ AU


Technological Store AU

  • ‘I work in JB-HiFi and you come in and ask me if I could help you find your friend who is a) missing and b) has a huge thirst for Kanye West and Jay-Z, shall we go to the CDs? They might be in the Rap genre section…’ AU
  • ‘How did you manage to fuck this up so badly’ AU


Dentist AU

  • ‘I think you look very attractive but there’s not much dignity I can muster when you’re holding my mouth open with these goddamn contraptions from hell and my mouth’s starting to fill with saliva’ AU
  • ‘I’m a dental assistant and you’re really cute, even with a bajillion black stains and mildly bad breath’ AU
  • ‘You’re not seriously going to put that in my mouth, are you’ AU


Sports Coach AU

  • ‘I’m a single parent and you’re my kid’s volleyball coach, I’m sorry I introduced them to Haikyuu!! how can I make it up to you?’ AU
  • ‘I’ve been tasked with this feeble looking teen who can’t do push ups for shit’ AU


Librarian AU

  • ‘I’m a library assistant and you’re the person who comes in every week with 100000000 kids and still manages to keep them all in check, you are amazing’ AU
  • ‘We have a self-checkout system, but ever week you unfailingly turn up at my desk and OH MY GOD IS THAT GERONIMO STILTON’ AU
  • ‘I must say your taste in books is beautiful, can I take you out for coffee?’ AU
  • ‘You’re balancing a pile of fifteen books in your arms and you look like you’re about to fall any moment now’ AU


Wedding Planner AU

  • ‘I’m a wedding planner and you’re the wedding photographer, I agree with you completely, this couple is absolutely disgusting – they need to stop with all the sappiness and frills and make out sessions in front of you when you’re trying to ask them about what they want in their actual wedding, yeah, let’s get lots of cheap alcohol at a bar somewhere, together, after this whole ordeal is done (and maybe make our own wedding a lot less cringeworthy)’ AU


Bakery AU

  • ‘I work at a bakery and you’re the person that buys a smiley face cupcake every single day, I swear to God stop smiling at me like that, like, that’s the cupcake’s job’ AU
  • ‘Do you really want to give a dick cake to your niece?’ AU
  • ‘That comes to six hundred dollars in total’ AU


Office Jobs AU

  • ‘I’m in a boring corporate business job and you’re in the cubicle in front of mine, did you just send me a paper aeroplane with the words “WASSSSSSUPPPP TURN UP BITCHEZ” written on it?’ AU
  • ‘I never usually go to workplace drinking sessions but since you’re here sign me the fuck up’ AU
  • ‘CAN YOU STOP DISTRACTING ME I HAVE THIS HUGEASS REPORT TO TYPE UP BY TODAY, NO I DON’T CARE IF YOUR CAT GAVE BIRTH wAit hold up can I adopt one?’ AU
  • ‘Are you seriously going to turn that poor excuse of a prototype in to the boss? You’ll get the sack’ AU
  • ‘We’re both vying for a promotion, and you’re not above sabotaging my work’ AU
I think that at the time we broke, there were a lot of hippie bands who just wandered around onstage, looking at each other between songs and just sort of wondering what to do, wondering what key they were in… just wondering. We wanted to eliminate that. We wanted to hit people hard and put on a show, which included dressing a certain way. We wanted to look good, sound good, and play good. And at the time, not many people were putting as much conscious effort into every aspect of live performance as we did.
    The hippie approach was generally ‘Come as you are and do what you feel like,’ and we completely electrified audiences because our act was so focused on every level. Again, it was our professional attitude. People were paying a lot of money to come and see us, so you wanted to sound like something and look like something. And people appreciated it when you put in the effort. It doesn’t detract from the musicianship and it adds to the show, so why not?
—  Jimmy Page, quoted in Brad Tolinski, Light and Shade: Conversations with Jimmy Page

I was tagged by @dexsnursey and @geniusorinsanity to do the fic writer’s self rec, and I mean… how could I possibly resist???

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers (◠‿◠✿)”

In no particular order… 

1. (the most beautiful thing) Nursey/Dex (AO3)

They kiss, and they touch, and Nursey never wants to stop. He can’t stop, because the moment he stops pressing the heat of his mouth to the pink of Dex’s lips will be the second he loses any semblance of chill. While it’s true what they say about idle hands, it’s even more so with idle mouths - if he stops right now, there’d be no stopping the words from falling from his lips - words he’s been carrying around for months.

Words like ‘I love you’, and ‘you’re perfect’, and ‘you’re the realest person I’ve ever known’.

This is the first thing that I wrote to satisfy the dexnursey itch deep down in my soul, and it will probably always hold a special place in my heart. It’s also super extra, which is… probably a running theme with my writing, my life, and my interpretation of these characters, tbh. Whoops.

2. huddled. Nursey/Dex (AO3)

It’s a funny little thing, the way that they always come together in the end. Like magnets. Or fate. Or a thousand other nameless things that keep them stuck in each other’s orbits.

Whatever it is, whatever the reason, Derek finds that more often than not he’s searching for Dex.

So, I’m gonna be straight up with y’all. I bought Huddled Vol. 1 and pretty much lost my damn mind. There was a lot of squealing and emotion, and this little fic is my love letter to the zine.

3. let my body do the work Nursey/Dex (AO3)

“Brah, we totally need to do that.”

The amount of reverence in Shitty’s voice is… well, it’s pretty fucking reverent.

Joseph Gordon Levitt raps like a motherfucking demon, demolishing Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Merchant like it’s nothing, and for a shining, ethereal moment, Derek can’t disagree. Because he’s kind of always had a crush on JGL, and he looks so fucking powerful as he demolishes the verse, and maybe Derek wants to capture a little of that feeling for himself. And maybe… you know… maybe he wants Dex to look at him like he’s looking at the TV right now, because he looks like he’s got a laugh trapped behind his teeth, and his cheeks are pink and perfect, and he’s watching the lip sync battle like it’s the best thing he’s ever seen.

But yeah. It’s just a moment before reality crashes down. Because, barring Rans, this is the whitest group of white dudes he’s ever met. They just wouldn’t be able to pull it off.

He takes another toke and closes his eyes against the dulcet tones of yet another commercial break, and if he imagines Will Poindexter mouthing the words of Super Bass at him with intent?

Well, nobody needs to know.

This is possibly the most fun, self-indulgent thing that I’ve ever written. I mean. There’s pining, romance, booty shorts, lip syncing, and Wellie the Dancing Well. What else could you possibly want? 

(FYI: That’s not a rhetorical question, I need to know, I’m like Tinker Bell - I need kudos and comments to live.)

4. Facebook Official Nursey/Dex (AO3)

“Um. Dex, I’m pretty sure that your mom friended me our freshman year. Like, I’m also almost 100% sure that she friended everyone on the team. She and Bitty swap recipes all the time, she’s liked every single one of Lardo’s pictures, and she’s always poking me… so, like, your mom is super cool, and if you don’t want me to be Facebook friends with her, I’m not the one you should be taking this up with.”

“First of all, my mom pokes you? What the fuck?”

This is the longest thing that I’ve ever written… it’s over 20,000 words of angst and pining and eventual communication culminating in not one, not two, not three, but four chapters of fluff to make up for the rest of it. 

Also, there are geese. Not to be a hipster piece of shit, but I’m pretty sure that I wrote this before geese were a thing. Take that as you will.

5. Pretty Boy Nursey/Dex (AO3)

They’re two hours into the inaugural kegster of their junior year when it happens for the first time. Music throbbing and bodies pressed tight all around, but the only touch that Derek really registers is from Dex. It’s a loose, grounding heat, the way that Dex’s body leans against his - a little bit comforting and a little bit unnerving, and god, there are times that Derek misses the before, when being around Dex didn’t make him a little crazy.

But then there are times like these, when Dex is the only one that he sees, and it’s easy to remember all the reasons why it’s worth the indignity of crushing on your roommate/best friend/teammate/partner.

I’m just really weak over the idea of Dex being a flirty drunk, but only when it comes to Nursey. I’m also really weak when it comes to communication. Also, pet names. And, like, possessive behavior that gets called out, because while it’s hot in theory, it can also have some seriously squicky connotations. Wow. Turns out that let my body do the work may not be the most self-indulgent thing I’ve written after all. Whoops.

+1. push me or just pull me Nursey/Dex (AO3)

In which the team is completely oblivious to the amount of sex Dex and Nursey are having… until they aren’t.

(aka: five times Dex and Nursey have sex in semi-public places and one time they don’t)

I don’t feel remotely bad for tacking on a sixth fic, because this one is special! I wrote this beast with @dizzy-redhead, and it’s probably the most fun that I’ve ever had writing, and I can honestly say that I have never been more proud of something that I’ve contributed to. Seriously. It pushed me majorly out of my comfort zone (for the first time I wasn’t writing from either Dex or Nursey’s POVs, which… I’m still kind of shocked that it worked??), and it turned out better than I could have ever anticipated. I’m grossly proud of this fic AND I’m probably this fic’s biggest fan, because let’s be real… everything that @dizzy-redhead writes? It’s gold.


Thank you for tagging along for my self rec! Speaking of tagging, I’m gonna be super lame and I’m gonna pass on tagging anyone because I’m the actual worst at tagging people for these things (really, how many times can I say ‘tagging’ in one fucking sentence?)… if you’re still reading and have any interest in tackling this meme for yourself, I hope that you do! <3

Not What He Expected-Part 5

This is an A/B/O AU

So here it is, my FIRST A/B/O series featuring Alpha! Dean/ Omega! Reader (not Destiel). I am still a Samgirl to the very core of my being, but I thought it would be fun to try something different for a change.

You meet Dean Winchester in a bar when he attempts to come to your rescue after a drunk Alpha tries to take advantage of you.  He quickly realizes you’re not what he expected.  You’re a very independent Omega who is used to speaking her mind.  He’s all Alpha, but there is just something about you, an attraction that makes him want to know more…….

Part 1 (All parts are linked)

Master List

Text messages are in bold.

*This chapter fills my “sunset watching” square on my @spnabobingo card

I spent the days until the weekend enduring constant comments and teasing from Cas and Jimmy. The bickering got so bad that Babi finally ordered them to leave me alone. Darcy came by to visit and the immediately filled her in on current events in my life.

“Sorry to hear about the divorce, Darce. Your Alpha is a dick. He doesn’t deserve you.” Jimmy and Darcy had dated in high school and we’d all been friends for years.

She smiled sadly. “Thanks, Jim! I just wish it didn’t take me so long to realize.” She turned her attention to me. “Where have you been? I haven’t heard much from you since that night at the bar.”

Jimmy and Cas exchanged a look. “That’s because she’s been too busy panting over that hot Alpha she’s seen seeing,” Cas told her gleefully.

“He’s okay if you like tall green-eyed Ken dolls,“ Jimmy said with a smirk.

“Wait a minute….” Darcy began, shooting me a look. “Is it that Alpha from the bar?”

“Maybe,” I said sheepishly. “His name is Dean.”

Keep reading

The One, Epilogue

Jim Kirk x Reader

Warnings: angst.

A/N:  This is it guys! This started off as a one shot imagine and it spun from there. This has been one of my favorite stories to write and I’m sad to see it go. 

Summary: It had been years since you had last since Jimmy. The two of you were highschool sweethearts, until you parted ways. After a horrible breakup with your two timing ex-fiance, you transfer to the U.S.S Enterprise. Finally coming face to face with the boy you left behind. Can the two of you work alongside each other in peace? Or will the past come back to haunt you?

The One Masterlist

Keep reading

Jimmy Vesey #1

Anonymous said: Hey! I love your writing. I was wondering if I could request a Jimmy Vesey one about how big his hand are (his hands are huge)? Thanks!

A/N: hi!! first off i’m so so sorry for how long this took to get out and i cheated and barely added the whole hand thing cause i couldnt think of anything sorry!! :)) also disclaimer i know like shit all about jimmy and brady and what their personalities are like so just go with it??

Word Count: 1,551

Originally posted by siriuslyilluminaeted

Never were you ever coming over to your friend Brady’s place for drinks. If you knew it’d end up with you being peer pressured into chugging your coolers and playing truth or dare, you wouldn’t have showed up. But it was too late to just up and leave now. No amount of excuses would work on Brady, or Jimmy either, and now you were stuck here. 

Keep reading

Three For One Deal//Stilinski Triplets - Part 4

Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Noah Stilinski, Jimmy Stilinski, Thomas Stilinski, Stuart Stilinski, Malia Tate, Reader.

You spent the day with Thomas, spending the night in his room. When you wake in the morning you heard him outside arguing.

“We had a deal!” You couldn’t tell which of the boys it was, they all sounded alike.

“Yeah, and you broke our deal! It’s not like I sent Lydia over here, or made you make out with her!”

“I’m not going to keep arguing! This is your fault. This just proves I can’t trust you.”

You walk outside, raising an eyebrow at Thomas and Stiles outside the door. Both of their faces soften. “Hey, did we wake you?” Thomas smiles.

You shake your head, the shirt of Thomas’ you wore landed mid-thigh, you remembered that when you caught both boys’ eyes on your legs.

“I’m going to get dressed, I’m supposed to run by Malia’s. She wants help with finding a homecoming dress.”

“I’m coming!” Stuart pokes his head out of his room.

“No, you aren’t. The dress is going to be a surprise.” You slip back into Thomas’ room.

“She told you.” Jimmy smirks at Stuart as he passes the three boys in the hallway.

“Shut up.” His brothers say in unison.

You chuckle as you change your clothes, Malia calling you as you button your jeans.

“What does a sweetheart neckline mean?”

You cradle the phone between your ear and shoulder as you pull your hair up. “You don’t want a sweetheart neckline.”

“Why not?”

You open the door and head to the kitchen. “Malia, a sweetheart neckline hints at cleavage. Either go all the way or don’t go at all.” Stuart’s ears perk up at her name, Jimmy snickering as Thomas an Stiles look confused.

“Well, I want cleavage.” Malia states.

You laugh as you pour yourself cereal and sit with the boys, “You do want cleavage?” Stuart’s cheeks burn red. “Go wth a décolletage neckline, or plunging.”

“What?” She sounds super confused. You hear her typing on a keyboard. “I’m trying to look online.”

“Décolletage is a little bit lower cut than a sweetheart neckline. Plunging would stop right before your belly button…or right below your boobs. Somewhere in that region.”

Stuart chokes on his coffee and Thomas laughs.

“Yeah. I want plunging.”

“A plunging neckline is like what I wore to Lydia’s party.” You explain. You set the phone on speaker and lay it on the table beside you.

“Oh, yeah. You had great side boob in that dress.”

Now came time for Thomas and Stiles to choke on their breakfast.

“Thanks, Lydia said the same thing.”

“Hey, listen, what color should I get?”

You give Stuart a once over. “You and Stuart would both look good in red. I can only assume he’s your date.”

“Yep. Okay, red dress, plunging neckline.”

“Don’t buy anything without me there. I’m going to eat breakfast and I’ll be right there.” You hang up the phone.

“So exactly how good was the side boob?” Jimmy raises an eyebrow. “Should I be disappointed that I missed out?”

Stiles smacks his brother upside the head. “What the hell? You can’t just ask her that.”

You laugh, “You should be disappointed.”

“Thomas told me you two are going to homecoming together.” Stiles states, Thomas giving him a look.

“Yeah, he asked last night. What about…are you and Lydia going together?”

He looks like he’s thinking about his answer, “Yeah, I asked her last night too.”

“All of the girls in your school are so hot. Dad needs to enroll me immediately.” Jimmy sighs. “Y/N, do you have any hot single friends?”

“I have two female friends. One’s with Stu, the other with Stiles.” You shrug as Thomas playfully kicks your leg.

“Great. I missed out on the hot ones.”

You kick Thomas back and he laughs, caught off guard. “Shouldn’t have smoked so much.” You raise an eyebrow.

He laughs, “Yeah, okay.”

“Thomas!” You laugh loudly when he kicks back, making you almost fall out of your chair.

“God, are you two playing footsie?” Stuart looks under the table, you and Thomas laughing uncontrollably at your clumsiness.

Stiles glances at the two of you and gets up, leaving his plate at the table. He storms up the stairs and closes his door behind him.

Sheriff Stilinski takes his place, smiling when he sees you. “Hey, Y/N. How are you?” He asks as he pours coffee into a travel mug.

“I’m good. You?” You look at him over your shoulder.

“Could be better.” He puts the lid on his coffee. “I’m beginning to think I should get you your own room here.” He jokes.

You laugh, “At least I won’t have to sleep in Thomas’ bed anymore.”

“I’m okay with you being here, you keep the boys in check. Even Jimmy.” He smiles at Jimmy and you laugh.

“I’m a Stilinski charmer.” You smile at Thomas.

Noah grabs his keys off of the hook, “Whatever you do to keep them calm, keep doing it.” He starts out the door. “Bye boys, bye Y/N.” He waves and you all say goodbye.

“I better head out too.” You stand up and take both your and Stiles’ plates to the sink, washing them before picking your phone up. “I’m going to call Malia to come get me, I came with Stiles.”

Thomas shakes his head and stands up, “I’ll take you. Let me shower really fast and we’ll go.”

“Okay, thank you.” You smile. You take his plate and wash it, Stuart and Jimmy’s eyes following you. “What?” You sit back down with them.

“You know you basically run this house, right?” Jimmy raises an eyebrow.

“I do not.” You chuckle.

“How many times a week do you clean our house?” Stuart asks.

“I don’t know…like three?” You shrug. “It’s not a big deal.”

“How often do you break up fights, or stay with us when dad’s not here?”

“Guys, I do not run this house. I simply spend most of my time here.” You shrug. “Would you clean your own house?”

“No, because you do it.” Stuart deadpans.

“He’s not wrong.” Stiles returns from his room.

“Whatever.” You laugh.

“Is Lydia going with you and Malia?” Stiles asks.

“Not that I know of. I figured she had her dress picked out freshman year.” You laugh.

“Most likely.” Stiles shrugs.

Thomas comes back downstairs, rubbing his hair with a towel. “Ready?” He grabs his keys and you nod.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

He tosses the towel on the couch and you make a mental note to do laundry next time you’re over. You follow him out to his truck. He opens your door and helps you in.

“Hey, is everything okay with you and Stiles?” You ask as he gets in the truck.

He starts the truck, not quite sure how to answer. “Yeah..I mean…we’re just having a disagreement. We had a deal to share…the new console dad got us. We’d been doing pretty well with it but he just bought one for himself. Therefore, I took our shared console to my room for the night and now he’s mad.”

You nod, the analogy going completely over your head. “That’s not very fair.”

“That’s what I’m saying.” Thomas shrugs.

He leaves you at Malia’s and you drive the both of you to the dress shop.

“I want something long. Is that weird for homecoming?” Malia asks as you flip through the racks.

“Not necessarily, no. A plunging neckline on a long dress for homecoming might be a bit too much though.” You shrug.

You both pick out a couple dresses and go to try them on. You decide on a green dress, the top sequined and the bottom an emerald silk. You meet Malia outside of the dressing rooms, her dress the exact thing she wanted. It was red with a plunging neckline, it had a flowing skirt and was narrow on the top. “Oh my God, you look gorgeous.” You smile.

She looks at herself in the mirror, “I do, don’t I?”

You both change and pay, driving you both back to the Stilinski’s.

You walk inside, Thomas lying on the couch shirtless.

“I’m only here to drop Malia off, I’m going to head back home before my family files a missing persons report.”

Thomas sits up at the sound of your voice, a smile on his face.

“Hey Lydia.” Malia makes her way to the kitchen with Lydia and Stiles.

“Did you get a dress?” Thomas asks as you join him on the couch.

“Yes. Green.” You smile.

“I will dress accordingly.” He lays back on the couch.

“Hey.” You nudge him.

“Hmm?”

“I don’t know what’s going on with this console situation…but tell Stiles it’s only fair that you get it. Tell him I said it too.”

“See, it’s like this super rare thing. I don’t know, it just really means a lot to both of us. We went in on it together but I just wish I’d gotten it myself.”

“Well, let me see it.” You raise an eyebrow.

“No!” He says quickly. “Stiles…has it..if I even look at it he’ll lose his mind.”

“Okay…” You stand up. “I’m going to head home. Call me later.”

“Will do. Hey, Y/N?”

“Yeah, T?”

“Thanks for hanging out last night.”

You smile, “I’d hang out with you every night.”

He giggles, “That’s what I like to hear.”

The Brothers--Chuck’s Story

by Chuck Keyser, as told to mrs momona in 2008

© mrs momona 2017

My big brother Jimmy is 11 years older than me. We were born and raised in southern California. When I was 2 years old, our real father was killed in a traffic accident. Jimmy was 13 at that time, and for the next five years he was really like a dad to me. He was involved in athletics in high school, played football, baseball, and wrestled, and also had a part-time job, but he always found time to play catch with me in the backyard, take me swimming, and let me “wrestle” with him. My mother took me to watch every game he took part in. He was my hero. All my friends envied me because I had such a cool big brother.

When I was 6 and Jimmy was 17, my mom remarried. Her new husband was a fitness trainer who insisted that Jimmy and I call him “Beau”. He was real “southern California”—had a great year-round tan, was a nutrition fanatic, and always bragged about which rich and famous people he had trained. Even though I was still a little kid, I could tell that he and Jimmy just didn’t get along. There was never any fighting or yelling, but I could just sense it. A year later, when Jimmy graduated from high school, he headed east to the Philadelphia area, where our real dad had family. I was real sad when Jimmy left, but he promised he’d keep in touch with me.

For the next 11 years, I didn’t see Jimmy in person. He wrote me a couple of times a month, called me often, and sent me cards and money, too—on holidays, my birthday, and sometimes just for the heck of it, I guess. He wrote my mom, too, and always sent her pictures. Over the years, we received pictures of Jimmy as he started working as a construction worker, then got married (my mom flew east for his wedding), had kids, and started his own contracting company. So, I knew that Jimmy had a wife, who my mom said was “a very nice girl”, and over the years had three kids, two girls and a boy.

Whenever a card or letter came from Jimmy and his wife Emily, my mom would eagerly read the letter and look at the pictures, then show them to me. She also showed them to Beau. It always seemed to me that Beau never had anything good to say about Jimmy and his family. I couldn’t figure out exactly what Beau didn’t like about Jimmy, because my mom always changed the subject when Beau started his sarcastic comments. I remember hearing Beau say things like “Oh, heard from the blimp again?” when my mom got a letter. She’d shoot him a dirty look, and then change the subject.

By the time I graduated from high school, I looked like the typical tanned southern California surfer boy type. I liked the beach. I also went out for sports in high school. I remembered what sports Jimmy had gone out for, and I went out for football, wrestling, and baseball too. Beau never had the time to go to any of my games, and he didn’t like it when my mom did either, but she still went, and she sent Jimmy newspaper clippings about every game I played in.

Beau never had much to say to me, which was OK with me. The only area where he tried to control my life was in fitness and nutrition. He never bugged me about fitness—my being involved in athletics, swimming, and surfing meant that at 6'1", I weighed 170 with six-pac abs, broad shoulders, a 30" waist, and slim hips. I guess Beau was pleased that I was in good shape.

Nutrition was another story. He insisted that my mom cook vegetarian, low fat, low carb, all that stuff. Even on holidays like Thanksgiving, we’d have a soy-based turkey substitute (talk about stuff that tasted like shit!). Of course, when I was at school and when I was with my buddies, I ate what I wanted, but at home Beau strictly counted the calories for the three of us. Beau made my mom and me weigh in at the end of every month. I’d have to get on the doctor’s scale he kept in the room he had turned into a home gym (Jimmy’s old room), just wearing my jockeys. Beau checked my weight and gave me the “once over” to make sure, I guess, that I wasn’t getting fat on the vegetarian crap we ate at home.

At one of these weigh-ins, I remember him saying “I’m not going to be the step-father of a fat boy” when the scale showed a 5 lb increase in a month. Luckily, I had grown an inch taller since the previous weigh-in, and I was so active that I never really found out what he’d do if I did put on a little extra weight. I do remember thinking when Beau made the “step-father of a fat boy” crack, “Hey, buddy, don’t ever mention the word ‘father’ when you refer to yourself and me”. But I kept my mouth shut, not wanting my mom to suffer any grief from the jerk.

I turned 18 in April and graduated from high school in the middle of June without any plans for the future. I guessed I was going to enroll in a local junior college, but my real goal was to get a job and save money so I could move out of the house and get away from Beau. My mom was hopeless. I knew she loved me, but she seemed to love Beau, too.

The day before my graduation, I received a graduation card from Jimmy and Emily. In the card was a print-out confirming that an e-ticket in my name was awaiting me at the check-in counter of a major airline at LAX, one-way from Los Angeles to Philadelphia. Emily wrote that she and Jimmy wanted me to come east and live with them for as long as I wanted. There were a number of colleges in the area where they lived, and I could go to school part time or full time, whatever. If I wanted, Jimmy would give me a job at his contracting company. All I had to do was make a reservation and let Jimmy and Emily know the date and time of my arrival.

Beau wasn’t home when I showed the card to my mom. She cried when she read it, but she looked at me and said, “Chuckie, I think you should go. I know you’re not very happy here. Stay with Jimmy and Emily for a while and see how things go. If you feel like coming back to California, remember you’re always welcome here…with me, anyway. Please just promise me you’ll call me on my cell phone every week.” I promised my mom. I called the airline and made a reservation to fly east the next week, then I called and spoke to my sister-in-law. With the three hour time difference, Jimmy was already at work. Emily sounded overjoyed when I told her I was coming and kept saying, “Your brother will be SO happy. We’re ALL happy!”

That evening, my mom told Beau about my plans. He glanced over at me and said, “Just make sure you don’t end up like your brother, kid”. What the hell was that supposed to mean? My brother Jimmy was happily married with three kids and owned his own contracting company, for gosh sakes! I just ignored Beau, figuring that if I said anything my mom would be the one to take the heat, not me.

Over the next week, I partied up with my high school buddies. All of them were going to stay in southern California. There was lots of kidding about me surfing in the Atlantic Ocean, stuff like that.

The day of my flight arrived and my mom took me to LAX. Beau wasn’t with us, which made me happy. My mom cried a lot, but I promised her I’d come back to see her again in a year at the most. (I don’t know why I said that. I guess I felt so bad that my mom was crying so much that I just said whatever came to mind.) I boarded the plane and settled into my seat.

During the flight, I thought about how I’d recognize Jimmy when I arrived in Philadelphia. After all, I hadn’t seen him in eleven years. Everyone in California who remembered him told me that I looked just like him when he was in high school—blond hair, blue eyes, kind of tall, and an athletic build.

I arrived at the Philadelphia airport and headed to the baggage claim area. I got my bags and started looking for Jimmy. There was a mob at the claim area when I heard on the PA, “Chuck Keyser, please report to the customer service desk at baggage claim area B-1”. That had to be Jimmy, paging for me!

As I walked to the customer service desk, I scanned the area looking for my big brother, but I didn’t see him. All of a sudden, I was grabbed from behind and locked in a hug which knocked the wind out of me. “Chuckie, I could tell it was you! You look just like the graduation picture you sent us!” Without pausing for breath, the voice continued, “Kids, this is your Uncle Chuckie!” I took a step back and looked at the man the voice came from, It had to be Jimmy, so I said, “Jimmy, gosh, it’s sure good to see you” as I embraced him.

If you’re thinking I didn’t recognize my own big brother right off, you’re right! He was BIG! I don’t know why I was so surprised—eleven years is a long time. I guess the photographs I had seen over the years hadn’t really impressed me with how big he had grown. After all, I was only a kid for most of those years! Anyway, the Jimmy who greeted me was my height, but as wide as he was tall. He had a round face with chubby cheeks and a big double chin. You could tell he was a construction worker from his broad meaty chest and shoulders and huge upper arms and forearms. He was wearing a tight blue t-shirt with “Keyser Contractors” on the front, but the shirt was so tight it emphasized his massive fleshy upper arms, huge man boobs, enormous round belly, deeply sunken bellybutton, and wide bulging lovehandles In fact, the shirt was so small a good three inches of the bottom of his big belly hung below the hem of the t-shirt.

My attention was distracted though by Jimmy’s voice. He was introducing me to my nieces and nephew. “This is our oldest, Joyce, she’s 9, and then Jennifer, she’s 8, and here’s little Jimmy, we call him Junior, he’s 7.” The three kids all rushed up to me and greeted me like I was a long-lost relative, which I guess I was! Each one of the kids took a bag (I had a carry-on and two checked bags) and tried to grab my hand as Jimmy took the lead as we walked out of the baggage claim area and headed to the parking structure. I was trying to pay attention to each of the kids—they were all talking at once—and follow my brother at the same time.

Actually, Jimmy was easy to follow—all I had to do was keep his broad back, encased in the too-tight t-shirt, in view. I noticed that he had two thick rolls of flab on the back of his neck. Below his broad shoulders, his enormous wide lovehandles sat where his lats and obliques had been when I last saw him when he was 18. Below the lovehandles, the two huge buttcheeks which made up his massive wide behind shifted from side to side and wobbled and bounced as he waddled along. His t-shirt was so tight, it didn’t cover all his lovehandles, and I couldn’t help but notice that he had some major buttcrack action going as his massive white painters pants sagged down over his big fat butt as he waddled toward his van.

My attention was drawn back to the kids. I attempted to respond to each of their questions. At the same time, I noticed how each of them resembled their dad. All had the same blond hair he and I did, and all three of them were fat. Joyce, the oldest, was actually only chubby. Jennifer was fat, and Junior was really fat, as wide as he was tall and a miniature version of his dad

We reached Jimmy’s van and got my bags placed and the kids settled. Each of the kids wanted me to sit next to them, but Jimmy finally said, “Look kids, Uncle Chuck is my kid brother, so he’s gonna sit in the front next to ME!” We all laughed, and were soon on our way out of the airport.

Soon, we left the airport area and were headed toward Jimmy’s house. Of course, I didn’t have a clue where we were. After about 10 minutes, little Junior’s voice piped up from the back seat, “Remember, Daddy, you said that if we were good we’d stop at McDonald’s.” The two girls chimed in, “Yeah, Daddy!” Jimmy turned, gave me a big smile, and said, “Yeah, kids, I did say that. Let’s have Uncle Chuck decide if you were good or not!”

Of course, I said, “Yeah, Jimmy, they’ve been great. I think we should stop!” I was kind of hungry anyway—the airline didn’t serve anything but peanuts on both legs of my flight and I only had time at O'Hare to grab a hot dog as I changed planes. My brother gave me a big smile and said, “I was hoping you’d say that. I’m kinda hungry myself!” as he patted his huge belly, which was brushing up against the steering wheel. The kids all happily called out to me, “Thanks, Uncle Chuck!”

We got to McDonald’s and Jimmy went to order while the kids and I went to get seats. I sat in a booth, but Joyce said to me, “Uncle Chuck, we don’t sit in booths here because my daddy can’t fit in them, so we have to find a table.” So, we moved. Jimmy came to our table with five supersized quarter pounder with cheese meals, and an extra quarter pounder with cheese for himself.

We all dug in without saying much. I figured this was going to be dinner and it had been a while since I had last eaten. My two nieces didn’t finish all their fries and so Jimmy took their leftovers and gave Jennifer’s fries to me and ate Joyce’s himself. The supersize meal had filled me up but I managed to force down the leftover fries. As I was finishing, Jimmy said to Junior, “OK, Junior, are you going to finish all that? If not, pass it over to me.” Much to my surprise, my 7 year old nephew said, “No, Daddy, I’m going to eat it all” with a big smile on his face. I was stuffed after the meal and here was my nephew still shoving in the food. I noticed that Jimmy looked proudly at Junior as his son finished the whole meal.

We all finished and headed out to the van. After we pulled back onto the highway, Jimmy said to the kids, “Now kids, remember, when we get home and have dinner, don’t forget that you’re all going to clean your plates, right? Remember that your mom goes to a lot of trouble to cook great meals for us and we don’t want to make her feel bad by not eating all that she fixes, right?” “Yes, Daddy” chorused the three voices in the back seats. I began to get an idea about the reason for the size of my brother, nieces, and nephew. At the same time, I was relieved—Jimmy in person was the same nice guy I remembered from when I was a little kid. He was so cool!

Soon, we arrived at my brother’s home in Paoli, a suburb of Philadelphia. As I entered the house, my sister-in-law Emily came running to the front door and smothered me in kisses. She said how happy she was to see me and to have me as part of the family from now on. I could see why my mom had described Emily to me as “a very nice person”; she sure was very sweet and welcoming to me. As we stood in the entrance way and talked, I confess I checked Emily out. She was about 5'9", blonde hair and blue eyes, real pretty, and—you guessed it—very heavy. She was just big all over—huge breasts, which stressed the fabric of the t-shirt she was wearing and wide hips and enormous thighs which were encased in a pair of jeans which seemed to be painted on.

Emily then said, “Now, Jimmy, we’re going to have dinner in about an hour and a half, so take Chuck and show him the house and give him a chance to freshen up.” We were going to eat in 90 minutes? I was real full, but I remembered what my brother had told the kids when we left McDonald’s, so of course I didn’t say anything.

My new house was a large multi-level. There was a “granny apartment” on the ground floor—a bedroom, bath, small living room, and a kitchenette. This was where I was going to stay. Jimmy told me that he and Emily thought I might want some privacy sometimes although I was welcome to spend as much time with the family as I wanted. On the main level was a large living room, a dining room, a large kitchen (delicious aromas of dinner cooking came from the kitchen as we passed by), a family room, the master bedroom/bath, and then on the upper level were four bedrooms, one for each of the kids and a guest bedroom, and more bathrooms. Jimmy then showed me the property. There was a large patio with a built-in barbeque next to a big swimming pool. Jimmy pointed out how far the property went. The house sat on a couple acres of ground.

We heard Emily calling that dinner was ready and headed back to the house. Jimmy said to me, “Chuck, I can’t tell you how glad I am to have you here. It’s always been my dream to have you come and live with us. I feel like I have 11 years to make up to you. This is your home now. Over the weekend, we’ll talk more about your plans for work or school or whatever. Right now, just make yourself at home and get to know Emily and the kids.”

Dinner was a huge spread, like a Thanksgiving feast. Jimmy, Emily, and the kids all had seconds and even thirds. I had to force myself to eat “firsts”—the McDonald’s meal had filled me up, but I pushed myself. As I cleaned my plate, Emily piled it high again. I must have grimaced or something because Jimmy caught my eye and winked at me! I got the message. I better clean my plate or else Emily’s feelings would be hurt! So, I forced myself. Then, Emily brought out dessert–two pies. One was to be split between Jimmy and me, the other was cut into quarters, one each for Emily and the kids. I begged off, telling Emily I was jetlagged, and she said she’d save it for later. Gosh, I was already so stuffed!

I offered to help with the cleaning up and that gave me a chance to talk more with Emily. We talked about my mom and stuff like that. Then, I went into the family room to watch TV with Jimmy and the kids and Emily soon joined us. It didn’t take long for the snacking to start! Leftovers from dinner, bowls of ice cream, sandwiches.

My two nieces got into a minor squabble because both said they wanted to fix me a sandwich. I was so stuffed, I was going to say no, but before I could my brother said, “Girls, why don’t you each fix Uncle Chuck a sandwich. Joyce, you can make him peanut butter and jelly and Jennifer, you make cream cheese and jelly. Junior, you can bring Uncle Chuck a nice big glass of milk. We’ll see which sandwich Uncle Chuck likes best.” Jimmy winked at me and I knew I’d better make room for the sandwiches and milk. I didn’t want to disappoint the kids. The kids soon came with the food, and the girls waited for me to pass judgment. Of course I said that both were equally good! (They were, too. I had never had cream cheese and jelly before—I guess cream cheese wasn’t on Beau’s list of healthy food. Cream cheese and jelly sandwiches immediately became one of my favorites.)  By the time I went to sleep that night, my stomach was swollen like a tight round basketball. I had never eaten so much in my life!

That first evening set the tone for eating at my new home. Emily always prepared three huge, delicious meals every day. Breakfast was always hot cereal with sugar and cream, plenty of buttered toast, pastries, eggs, some kind of meat—bacon, sausage, ham, or what soon became my favorite–scrapple. (Scapple is a Philadelphia area specialty—pork, cornmeal and spices cooked together and made into a loaf, then cut into slices and fried in butter. Delicious!) On Sunday mornings, pancakes were added, with Jimmy doing the cooking. Lunches were always mouth-wateringly tasty, too. I soon discovered that the first dinner I had at the house wasn’t a special welcoming feast, like I thought that evening—it was just a standard dinner!

The next day, Saturday, my first full day at my new home, my nieces and nephew showed me where the snacks were kept—there was a whole kitchen closet filled with family-sized packages of chips, pretzels, containers of nuts, cookies, candy, and boxes of every snack cake you could think of, like twinkies, but especially snack cakes, pies, and pastries made by Tastykake, another Philadelphia area favorite. When I asked my niece Joyce if her mom or dad limited the amounts of snacks the kids could eat, she looked at me surprised and said, “Oh no, Uncle Chuck, just as long as we eat everything at mealtimes and clean up the mess, we can snack on what we want.”

I soon got into the routine of snacking frequently just like everyone else in the family did. In addition to the contents of the snack cabinet, there were always leftovers from dinner, freshly made pies and cakes, ice cream, and sandwiches to be made and enjoyed. And, there was always plenty of whole milk, white or chocolate, or orange juice in the refrigerator to wash down whatever I was eating. (Emily didn’t like the kids to drink soda because it was bad for their teeth). My nieces really got a kick out of making snacks for me, too, just like they did for their dad. I didn’t want to disappoint them, so I always ate everything they made for me, even if I wasn’t hungry. Just as my niece told me, neither Emily nor Jimmy minded how much I snacked since I ate heartily at every meal. I couldn’t help it. Everything tasted so good, and it made me feel really part of the family when I ate like they did.

Later that afternoon, Jimmy and the kids were out at the pool, and Emily and I were inside talking as she was making some more pies. She was just so friendly, interested in me and my hopes, and happy to answer my questions about the Philadelphia area, and especially, about the family.

After the pies were put in the oven, she took me out into the family room. One whole wall was covered with pictures of the family. There were pictures of me as I was growing up, which my mom had sent them, and pictures of my mom too. There were plenty of pictures of Jimmy, Emily, and the kids, of course, and Emily explained each one of them to me. The, she brought out the scrapbooks. Emily had scrapbooks full of pictures, all nicely labeled, which really told the story of the family over the years. I was so eager to catch up on lost time that I found every picture real interesting.

As I turned the pages of the scrapbooks, one thing I noticed was the change in Jimmy over the years. At the beginning, after he first came east and met Emily, he was slim and trim, just like me.  The first picture showed Jimmy  in a bathing suit. His six pack abs and toned pecs, just like mine, were very obvious. He had one arm stretched around Emily’s big waist and his hand rested on  her plump lovehandle. Emily was snuggled against Jimmy’s chest, her massive right breast pushing against his left pec.. In her left hand, she was holding a fully loaded foot-long hot dog against Jimmy’s open mouth. He had a big smile on his face! Every picture from that beach party showed trim and muscular Jimmy eating: a mound of potato salad which covered a whole plate, a huge slab of pie a la mode, a triple hamburger layered with cheese and bacon.

When Emily showed me those pictures, she started reminiscing. “The first time I met Jimmy, I fell for him right away. He was such a nice guy, and so handsome too. And, Chuck, don’t tell Jimmy I’m telling you this, but on our first date, he told me I was the most beautiful girl he had ever met and he actually proposed to me. And I’m still surprised that I actually said yes! Of course, I think he’s even better looking now than he was when we got married…” She blushed, stopped suddenly, and resumed “…oh Chuck, I’m sorry to go on and on, but I love Jimmy so much! Don’t mind me.”

The following pictures in the album  gave a complete record of Jimmy and Emily’s life together.

When Emily and Jimmy got married (they were both 19 and he had been working construction for a year), the pictures of the wedding showed that Emily was already almost as heavy as she was now. You could see that Jimmy’s face had rounded out  during the year since they met and he had a small double chin and round rosy cheeks.  His suit jacket was unbuttoned (as if it were too small) and the front of Jimmy’s dress shirt strained to cover a pot belly which bulged over the waistband of his dress pants. There were pictures of Jimmy and Emily dancing which showed that his butt had gotten real big and bulky and stuck out even  more than his belly! I was stunned to see how much he had changed in that one year, but of course I didn’t say anything to my sister-in-law.

After the wedding pictures, I could see that every picture of an anniversary, christening, birthday, or other family event over the years showed Jimmy getting steadily heavier. His face got fuller, his body got wider and wider, his belly got bigger and bigger and rounder and rounder and hung lower and lower, and you could  see how from year to year he was developing the enormous fat man boobs, truck tire size lovehandles, and huge thick thighs he had now.

Wow! I thought to myself that it was so cool to see how happy Jimmy was over the years. In every picture, he had a huge smile on his face. You could just see how much he loved his family and was enjoying life. After eleven years spent with Beau and my mom, it was so nice to see what a loving family my brother Jimmy had. I made up my mind to do all I could to fit in with my brother’s family.

The next day, Sunday, Jimmy took me to see his main base yard and office and we brought little Junior with us. Keyser Contractors had been started 10 years before by Jimmy, with some financial help from Emily’s family. Business was booming. Jimmy specialized in building homes, commercial buildings, things like that. At any one time, there were more than half a dozen jobs going on. Jimmy and I talked about my plans. He offered to pay for me to go to college, whatever. I told him that I did want to go to college, but I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to major in, and I really had thought about taking a year off from school to work, anyway.

Jimmy offered me a job as a laborer. He explained that I’d be just another employee of Keyser Contractors, even if my name was Chuck Keyser! He said, “Laborers do all the heavy work, but you’ll learn the business from the ground up.” Jimmy laughed as he added, “Sometimes when I’m stuck behind my desk in the main office, I wish I could go back to being just a laborer again! But business is good so I put up with the desk stuff and get out to the job sites as often as I can.” We agreed that I’d start as soon as possible. I was to get the pay and benefits which any other new hire with a high school diploma would get.

When I asked Jimmy how much room and board he wanted me to pay, he said, “For the past eleven years, I’ve wanted you to live with us, Chuck. Emily and I agreed that you should save your money for the future. Plus, I expect that once you get settled you’re going to have a social life, and you’ll need money for that too. And speaking of your life, that SUV in the garage at home is for you to use. Tomorrow morning, we’ll go down so you can get your Pennsylvania driver’s license, and we’ll get you some work clothes too.” I was so overwhelmed at my brother’s kindness, I didn’t know what to say except, “Thanks, Jimmy”. He gave me a big smile and I noticed that there were tears in his eyes. He was so cool!

Before we said anything more, we were interrupted by Junior’s voice calling from another corner of the baseyard. Jimmy and I walked over to find Junior atop a pile of 2 by 4’s. He had climbed up to the top, but couldn’t get down! I ran over and positioned myself to lift him off the pile. Jimmy called to me, “Watch your back, he’s a big boy!” Jimmy was right, I hoisted Junior up and off the pile, but gosh, he was even heavier than he looked. Once Junior was on solid ground, Jimmy scolded him and Junior sheepishly went over to the van while Jimmy and I went more slowly. Jimmy noticed me rubbing my back, laughed and said, “See, Chuck, I told you he was heavy. I think Emily told me he weighs  150.” I was surprised but didn’t say anything. 7 years old and already 150 lbs! I didn’t weigh that much until I was a sophomore in high school! (That was the only time I’ve ever heard anybody mention the weight of anyone in the family.)

On the way back home from the Keyser Contractors baseyard, Jimmy said to me, “How about getting some coffee?” Of course I agreed. That was how I was introduced to that institution of the Delaware Valley—Wawa! Think of a convenience store like 7-11 but with all the food, coffee, and drinks much fresher, tastier, and better, including fresh made hoagies (sub sandwiches to you non-Pennsylvania-South Jersey-Delaware people) and a huge selection of snack foods. There must be a Wawa every quarter mile or so in the Philadelphia area, very convenient for stopping for lunch, a snack, or whatever!

At the Wawa, Jimmy and I got coffee and Jimmy picked up half a dozen small Tastykake fruit pies, three for him and three for me. As Jimmy was paying for this, Junior came up carrying a family size bag of chips and a big container of dip, and sheepishly said, “Daddy, I know I was wrong to climb on the pile of wood. Can I have these anyway?” Jimmy smiled, said, “OK son, just make sure you don’t do that again. It could be dangerous” and paid for everything. As we headed to the van, we watched Junior open the bag of chips even before we got into the van. Jimmy said softly to me, “He’s really a good kid. I’m glad he’s learned his lesson. And besides, he likes his snacks so much. I just can’t say no to him!” We got into the van and headed out on to the street.

We drove around for a while so I could get oriented to the area.  Jimmy drove past the jobs Keyser Contractors was working on and talked about each one, and then we headed for home and dinner. Damned if Junior hadn’t eaten all the chips and dip before we got home, and of course, Jimmy and I finished our coffee and pies, too.

My first job assignment was a new doctor’s office close to the King of Prussia mall. I fit right in as a worker at Keyser Contractors. The job was actually kind of interesting, seeing how the building took shape over time. We even put in the landscaping. The crew I worked with was mostly young guys, some my age, and I made some good friends. The workday started at 7:30 a.m. at the baseyard, then we went to the job site, and we ended back at the baseyard at 4:30 p.m.

Our lunch break was an hour long and we usually headed to the nearest Wawa for hoagies, some kind of dessert, and something to drink. I usually got a quart of whole milk (it just tasted so good with those delicious hoagies) or hot coffee with plenty of cream and sugar when the weather was cold. Sometimes, we’d hop into one of the trucks and head off to buy other Philly-area specialties. Cheesesteaks, any kind of Italian food, huge soft pretzels smeared with mustard—I loved them all! We took breaks for 20 minutes mid-morning and mid-afternoon. Emily always packed me a bag of cookies or some home made brownies or something like that and a liter container of orange juice for the breaks.

I gradually got to know people and have a social life. Pizza and beer on the weekends with some of the guys I worked with as we played cards or whatever. I met some girls, too, and went out some, but didn’t really find anyone special. I wasn’t ready to settle down anyway.

I quickly fit in as part of Jimmy and Emily’s close family. Lots of love and lots of good food, too, whatever I wanted and whenever I wanted it. My appetite grew quickly along with my capacity, and in a few weeks I was putting away thirds at every meal without a second thought and I automatically headed for the snack cabinet or the refrigerator if I hadn’t had anything to eat for a while. No matter how much I ate the day before, I woke up starving every morning, mouth watering at the thought of what Emily was going to cook that day.

Outside of my strenuous job as a construction laborer, my physical activity slowed down. Weekdays, I came home from a hard day at the jobsite looking forward to dinner and then a comfortable evening in front of the television with the family. I mostly just sprawled on one couch in the family room while Jimmy sprawled on the other watching TV. The only time I moved from the couch was when I went to the kitchen to get a refill on the snacks. Even then, one of the kids usually volunteered to bring me something tasty, so I guess I didn’t move very much. On weekends, the most strenuous thing I did was toss around a football with Junior and Jimmy (no running, just tossing the ball—if the ball went wild, it was Junior’s job to hustle after it and return it to Jimmy or me).

I kept up my interest in sports, but I went from being an active participant in California to being a spectator in Philadelphia. Jimmy was a fan of all the Philadelphia pro teams, and I quickly became one too. Depending on the season, Jimmy, Junior and I watched all the Eagles, Flyers, 76'ers, and Phillies games that we could on cable, while Emily and the girls kept a steady stream of delicious snacks coming to us from the kitchen. All the physical activity I had been doing in California was forgotten as I happily adapted to the lifestyle of Jimmy and his family. Besides, during the winter, it was just too cold outside to do much.

I think I mentioned earlier that when I left California I had a surfer’s tan. Up until the end of September, I managed to keep my tan, even though we only went down the shore to Ocean City  in South Jersey a couple of weekends. (I hadn’t brought my surfboard from California with me, and the water was somehow different from the Pacific Ocean, so I didn’t do much swimming, much less surfing.)

Most of the guys I worked with took off their shirts in warm weather and of course I did too. So, I kept my tan, from the waist up anyway, until mid-September. To my embarrassment, the first couple days I started working I got the nickname from my work mates of “Buff Boy” because of my six-pack abs! After a couple of months, that nickname disappeared (looking back, that was around the same time my six-pack disappeared too). Suddenly, though, in the middle of September, it turned COLD! Well, not cold like it got later in the winter, but to me, raised in southern California, temperatures in the low 60’s made me put away all thoughts of working shirtless. Pretty soon, we were all wearing heavy sweatshirts, heavy flannel shirts, and down vests when we worked outside.

Time went by pretty fast. Autumn came and went, we had some snow right before Christmas, I enjoyed celebrating the holidays as a part of Jimmy and Emily’s loving family, we had more snow and cold weather, and then finally it was early April. There came the day in early April when I finally was able to take my shirt off at work again and try to start a tan. This one day (in fact it was the day of my 19th birthday the first week in April) the temperature suddenly rose into the high 80’s and it was HOT!

So off came my shirt. I didn’t expect any reaction. All the other guys on the crew, like me, were shirtless that day. During our morning break, I was sitting eating my morning snack with my work mates when one of them suddenly said to me, “Hey Chuck, look at you! You’re not ‘Buff Boy’ anymore. We’re gonna have to call you 'Belly Boy’ now!”

I looked down at the white round fat pot belly which was ballooning over the waistband of my low-slung jeans. On each side of it were bright red lines—stretch marks! I knew I had been putting on some weight—since I bought my first work clothes the previous June, every couple months I’d have to buy jeans, overalls, and even jockey shorts the next size up. I had started with size 30, and at that point in early April, size 40 relaxed fit jeans were real tight on me.  I must have blushed or something at the “Belly Boy” crack because one of the other guys said, “Hey, don’t worry about the belly, Chuck. Just look at the rest of us, man. Having a belly goes with working construction!” We all laughed, and I went back to finishing my bag of cookies. I confess, I didn’t give any more thought to my weight. Life was going great, and who cared what size I had to buy?

Even though I spoke with my mom on the cell phone every week, I was surprised when at the beginning of June she reminded me that I had promised to visit her after spending a year in Pennsylvania. When I offered to send her the money so that she could fly east to visit the whole family and see the kids, she declined. She had to work overtime and couldn’t take a vacation since Beau’s fitness training business wasn’t going so well and he had lost a lot of their savings through bad investments. So, I reconciled myself to flying west for a week to visit her.

When I told my plan to Jimmy and Emily and the kids that night at dinner, the kids all said, “You’re coming back, aren’t you, Uncle Chuck?” I said I definitely was. Jimmy and Emily looked relieved when I said that. I was due a week’s vacation anyway, so I booked my round-trip flight for a week at the end of June.

When it came time for the trip, Emily packed me some food to take on the plane, a bakery box with eight pieces of cold fried chicken, a dozen buttered home made biscuits, and a dozen 4” home made mini cherry pies. That provided me with lunch and some snacks for the trip. The plane trip itself was OK, but it seemed to me that the seats had shrunk since I last flew a year before.

My mom met me at LAX. Lots of hugs and tears. Then, we drove to my old home. I asked her how my old friends were doing and she mentioned that she had run across some of them at the mall and they were looking forward to seeing me. She also mentioned that Beau wasn’t going to be there for most of the week—he was in northern California with one of his rich clients. Frankly, I was happy I wouldn’t have to see him for a while. Once back at my mom’s house—I thought of Jimmy and Emily’s place in Pennsylvania as my real home now—I called some of my old buddies, three guys named Frank, Bill, and Joe. We agreed to meet at the mall the next day.

My mom went to work early the next day. When I got up, I put on one of my “Keyser Contractors” t-shirts (I confess I wanted to show off to my friends) and my newest pair of jeans shorts. I hadn’t worn them before. (None of the shorts I had worn last summer fit me, and I had bought these just before the trip. I was in a hurry at the store and just grabbed the next size up without trying them on.) The new shorts were tight on me, but I got them buttoned after a while and my thoughts quickly turned to breakfast.

All I could find for breakfast in the house was some skim milk, toast, and diet jam, so I headed to Bob’s Big Boy for some real food. It wouldn’t be the huge delicious home cooked breakfast I had come to look forward to over the past year, but it definitely would be better than watery skim milk and that other diet crap. (For the rest of my week in California, I ended up buying my own food. I had brought plenty of spending money with me, and there’s all kinds of fast food places in the L.A. area, so I didn’t go hungry. My mom was working super long hours and she didn’t have time to cook for me anyway.)

After a satisfying breakfast at Bob’s Big Boy I headed to the mall and got to where my buddies and I had agreed to meet, the food court. I was early so I grabbed a snack at Cinnabon while waiting. Back home in Pennsylvania with the time difference, I’d be having my lunch already at work and I was still kind of hungry. Suddenly I heard my friends calling out, “Hey there he is”, all that kind of stuff. The three of them. my closest buddies who I grew up with, all rushed me and we exchanged hugs and wassup’s.

The next thing out of the mouths of all three of them was “What happened to you, Chuckie?” “Yeah, what happened, dude?” “Man, Chuckie, just look at you!” I didn’t know what they meant so I said, “What are you guys talking about? It’s the same old me!”

“Oh no, it’s not the same old you! You got a pot belly now!” said Frank. “And titties, too, dude!” said Joe as he grabbed a handful of my left man boob and shook it. And then Bill, who was standing behind me, aid “Hey guys, Chuckie’s wearing size 42 relaxed fit shorts. That’s what the label says, and check the size of this muffin top and fat ass on him!” Frank added, “Size 42?, and his pot belly’s hanging over his waistband too! Damn, Chuckie, you’re a tub now!” They all laughed while I blushed. During the past year, I guess I had put on some weight, but nobody ever said anything to me except for that one time at work in April. Even my mom hadn’t said anything when she met me yesterday.

But my next thought was, who gives a damn? My life was going good. I didn’t even know what I weighed and didn’t care. At Jimmy and Emily’s the topic of weight never came up. So, I just brushed off what my old buddies were saying. finished my heavily-buttered cinnamon roll, and we got on with the business of catching up with each other and planning on what we were going to do for the next days while I was back visiting my mom.

One more thing my buddies gave me some static about—how I talked! I guess I had picked up a Philadelphia accent over the previous year. (If you don’t know what I mean, just ask somebody from the Philadelphia area to say “boat” or “coke”.)

The five days I spent with my old buddies went by pretty fast. Going to the beach with them every day and hanging out with them was great, but they continued to give me static about my size and about how much I ate! I guess I was just in the habit of eating more now and I needed to make food stops pretty often. Wherever we stopped,I always treated the guys to whatever they wanted when I placed my order. On the day before I was to fly back to Philly, when  we stopped for a snack (at my request) on the way to Malibu, Frank said, “Gee Chuckie, we’re gonna miss you when you leave, but if you stayed any longer, we’d all get as fat  as you, dude! Nah, just kidding, man”.

The guys also kidded me about my surfing. I went out on my old board a couple of times the first day, but I was just so out of practice. I was less agile now and getting up on my board and catching the waves took a lot more effort now than a year ago. So, I ended up relaxing on the beach watching Bill, Frank, and Joe ride the waves while I checked out the girls, dozed, thought of my family back in Pennsylvania, and snacked on whatever I could find.

There was this hot dog stand right across the road from our favorite beach, and I found out the first day that they had great hot dogs and low prices. I had been going to that beach since I was a kid, but this was the first time I ever thought to get food there and for that week I became a steady customer, buying three or four at a time while my friends were out on the waves. Man, those hot dogs were great! You could get them boiled, steamed, or fried in butter (my favorite) and you could ask for the buns to be toasted and buttered and have cheese melted on top of the dog. Plus, they had great take-out Mexican food, too. Hmmm, delicious!

Bill, Frank, and Joe kidded me about me about just relaxing on the beach and snacking, calling me “Fat Chuckie”, but hey, my life had changed over the past year and I deserved a week off just to kick back, relax, laze around, and snack whenever I felt like it. It was my vacation, right?

The day before I was due to go back home to Philadelphia, my mom mentioned to me that Beau was coming back the next morning. Oh great! I had been hoping to avoid him, but I’d have to put up with him for a couple of hours before I headed to the airport.

The next morning, I got up and packed. Knowing that I’d have to at least say hello to Beau, I put on my jeans shorts and one of my “Keyser Contractors” t-shirts. (Just wanted to show off to him, I know.) When I heard Beau arrive, I was watching TV and eating a bag of Chips Ahoy cookies (almost as delicious as Emily’s home made cookies!) and drinking a quart of chocolate milk I had bought for myself. I didn’t say anything until my mom and Beau came into the living room and my mom said, “Aren’t you going to say hello to Beau, Chuckie?”

I stood up and said hello. The first words out of Beau’s mouth were, “Well, well, didn’t I tell you last year to watch it, kid? Just like I thought, you’ve turned into a baby blimp. A few more years and you’ll be as huge as that big blimp brother of yours.” I was all set to tell him where to shove it when I caught my mom’s eye. She was silently shaking her head “No” and I realized, she’s going to have to live with this creep while I’m out of here for good in an hour. So I just said, “Yeah, Beau, I guess I have filled out a little” and gave him a big smile.

He replied, “How much do you weigh, kid?” I told him I didn’t know, which was true. I hadn’t weighed myself for the past year, since I left California last June. Why should I? Who cared how much I weighed? Beau replied seriously, “Well, kid, let’s get you on to the scale like we used to and see what it says. Then, I can give you a diet and fitness plan so you can drop the weight before any more damage is done.” I realized the guy was being serious and not sarcastic, and I decided to play along with him, just to keep the peace for an hour. I went inside the bedroom, took off my t-shirt and shorts, and came out wearing my jockeys.

I met Beau in the room he had set up as a home gym, where he had the doctor’s scale (I remembered it was Jimmy’s bedroom many years ago when I was a little kid and before Jimmy went east). I could hear my mom bustling around in the kitchen.

As I walked into the home gym room, Beau’s eyes opened wide. “My God, baby blimp, the damage is worse than I thought. Look at that flab jiggle as you walk. I can see you have muscles in your arms and chest and quads…” (thanks, buddy, I thought, I’ve been working hard in construction for a year—what did you expect?) “…but you’re just covered with ugly fat. Kid, you used to have great pecs, and now look—they’ve inflated up with fat into two big round tits. Looks like you need a DD cup. And check out those lovehandles, too. Plus, it looks like your bellybutton is drowning in the flab on your fat pot belly. And look at the way your fat ass balloons out! And those stretchmarks!  They look like a map of the Interstate Highway system! Jeezus, aren’t you embarrassed?” Hell, no!, I thought, but again I didn’t say anything. I put on a serious expression and said “Well….”

Beau actually thought I was serious. He was falling for my bullshit routine! I got on the scale ad Beau fiddled around and the scale balanced out at 274! Beau turned red and his eyes bulged and I thought he was going to have a stroke or something. He went to his desk and checked a notebook. What was he doing? Then he said, “According to my log, last time I weighed you a year ago, you were 170!”

My response was to try to look shocked. Actually, I was kind of impressed—104 lbs gained in a year. Pretty impressive!

Beau then continued, “We gotta do something about this RIGHT NOW! I can’t let anybody see you looking like this. What are people going to think of me as a fitness trainer if they see that you’re a baby blimp fat boy! Right?”

“Right, Beau,” I said, realizing that it wasn’t about me at all, it was about Beau’s image. That’s all he cared about. So, I continued to play along with him.

Beau just kept on talking. “Great, kid! Someday soon, I just know I’m going to have my own nationally syndicated exercise show. I’ll feature you on the show as one of my success stories. If only I could persuade your big blimp brother to get with the program, too. It’s not gonna be good for my image if some supermarket tabloid digs up the fact that my step-son in Pennsylvania is a big overfed fat slob with a big overfed family. Maybe I can get to him through you….”

I was getting angry at this point. Who the hell was he to put down my brother and his family like that? They were great, loving people. Beau and his big talk! What a shithead! But I thought of my mom and looked at my watch. 30 minutes more before I headed to LAX and then I’ll never see this bastard again, ever. “Right, Beau. I’ll do all I can….” I purposely didn’t say what it was I was going to do.

“Great, kid. Just keep one thing in mind when you’re following the plan I’m going to make for you. Who do you want to look like? Me…?” and his flexed his biceps and made his pecs jump at this point, “…or that overfed blimp fat ass brother of yours?”

My reply? “You can count on me to make the right choice, Beau.”

“OK, kid, I’ll work on the plan while you and your mom go to the airport, and when I’m finished, she’ll mail it to you. Don’t worry, I’ll get this blubber off you real quick and then I’ll put you on a maintenance plan.” Boy, what a prick! Everything was centered on him and his image. No wonder I could sense that Jimmy didn’t like him back when I was a little kid.

Beau was busy writing as I headed out the door. I quickly changed back into my clothes, picked up my bag, and went to the living room. My mom looked at me and said, “Everything OK between you and Beau?” “Sure, Mom,” I replied with a smile on my face, “when you come back from taking me to LAX, Beau will tell you all about it.” She smiled and looked relieved. I felt sorry for her.

I went back into the home gym room and said to Beau, “I’ll be on the lookout for your plan, Beau!” Yeah, right! When I received it, it was gonna go straight into the trash.

My mom dropped me off at LAX and I went through security screening. Gosh, I was hungry. I headed to McDonald’s on the main concourse and bought a supersize quarter pounder with cheese meal, three fish sandwiches with extra tartar sauce, and a strawberry shake. After I finished, I noticed that they were selling quarter pounder meal box lunches meant for people to eat on the plane. I bought three of them and a liter bottle of orange juice to hold me until I arrived home in Paoli and I could get a real meal.

I arrived in Philly and Jimmy and the kids were there to meet me. After we hugged, I asked, “How’s Emily?” “Mom is home cooking a special welcome home dinner for you, but she said it’s a surprise!”, Junior said seriously. Jimmy and I laughed while Joyce and Jennifer gave Junior dirty looks!

It was good to be home!

We soon arrived back at the house. Emily met us at the door and I gave her a big hug and kiss. It was so good to see her! I put my bag in my room downstairs and headed to the kitchen, where Jimmy and Emily and the kids were talking. Emily smiled and said to me, “I understand you know, Chuck, that I’m making a special surprise welcome home meal for you…” My mouth started to water and my stomach rumbled with anticipation as Emily looked at Junior at this point (he had a sheepish look on his face) and continued, “…so why don’t you men go outside while the girls and I finish preparing dinner. It should be ready in a couple of hours.”

As we headed outside, little Junior leading the way with some cookies in his hand, Jimmy said, “Hey, it sure is warm today! Let’s get more comfortable here” and took off his t-shirt. Junior and I followed suit immediately. It was a lot more comfortable to be shirtless in the late June heat and humidity.

Jimmy was wearing a pair of jeans shorts like the ones I had on. As we headed to the wooden lounge chairs by the pool (Jimmy had an extra wide one, specially made for him), I caught a glimpse of the label on Jimmy’s shorts. Size 62! As he waddled along, Jimmy’s enormous man boobs bounced and jiggled and his huge wobbling belly and lovehandles erupted over the waist of the shorts. The shorts were stretched to the max and straining to cover Jimmy’s massive wide behind, but they couldn’t do it. The tops of his fat buttcheeks ballooned over the top of the shorts, showing three or four inches of his deep buttcrack.

Jimmy and I sat down. Jimmy said to Junior, “Son, go into the house and bring us all some cold orange juice and some snacks. It’s going to be a while until we eat dinner.” We sat and talked about my trip, about mom, and how things were going at work. Neither one of us mentioned Beau at all. As we talked, I thought how cool my big brother was—just a great guy!

We stopped talking for a minute and Jimmy closed his eyes. I guessed he was dozing. From what he had told me, the last week had been real busy at work and he was probably tired.

As we sat there, I looked over at Jimmy. For the first time, I wondered how much he weighed. Of course, I’d never ask him, but I thought, gee, if I’m 274 and size 42 is tight on me, Jimmy has to weigh at least 425-430 to be stretching his size 62’s. His wide lovehandles, huge butt and enormous thighs completely filled the seat of the extra-big chair and hung over the sides. His overinflated man boobs, two huge bulging balloons thatched with blond hair through which two big stretched pink nipples peeked, contentedly sat on top of his magnificent big fat belly. His huge round belly rested on his lap, almost reaching to his knees, and hung down between his hefty thighs. His enormous meaty shoulders and arms completed the picture—he not only was a cool guy, he looked so cool, too!

After glancing over at Jimmy, I looked down at myself as I relaxed in the wooden large chair. Of course, I was nowhere as big as Jimmy, but I was pleased to see how my big pot belly ballooned over the top of my shorts, even though I had opened the top button to make myself a little more comfortable. I grabbed a handful of my bellyfat and jiggled it, making my man boobs and lovehandles jiggle and bounce. It was great to see how my big round fat man boobs sat on top of my belly, a smaller version of my brother’s awesome chest. I also looked down at my plump thighs, smaller versions of Jimmy’s impressive tree-trunk upper legs. On each side, left and right, my hefty hips completely filled the seat of the lounge chair. I was really getting a spread on me! Cool!

Earlier that day, Beau had asked me to choose who I wanted to look like, Jimmy or him. I knew then what my choice was, of course, but that moment by the pool confirmed to me that I was going to do all I could to be as much like my cool big brother as possible!

Junior came out and called, “Here’s the snacks!” Jimmy’s eyes opened and he smiled at Junior and me. I took the family-size bag of chips and extra-large container of creamy dip from Junior, balanced the container of dip on top of my pot belly between my big man boobs, opened the bag and the container, and dug in. Jimmy took a big bag of chips, too, and sent Junior back into the house for the orange juice.

Jimmy looked at me and smiled and I smiled back. “Jimmy…” I looked directly at him, “…it’s good to be back home with the family.”

Jimmy replied, “Chuck, we’re all happy you’re back. I missed you—we all missed you! The week you were away reminded me that you’re the best brother I could wish for.”

“Same here, Jimmy, you’re the coolest big brother anyone could have!” I really meant it and he knew it.

Jimmy opened his bag of chips and dug in as I shoved chips with big gobs of dip into my mouth. Damn, I was hungry!

As we both ate, I closed my eyes for a minute and thought to myself. Here I was, just a happy member of the best family going! Life was great and was going to get better.

“Jim,” McCoy whispers.

Kirk rolls over, fits himself into the sharp curves of McCoy’s own body, digs deeper into the covers. McCoy can’t help himself, leans down, kisses Kirk’s temple, lingers on how Kirk’s eyelashes flutter golden against his cheek, casts shadows on Kirk’s freckles.

“Jimmy, you’ve gotta get up,” McCoy doesn’t try very hard, honestly. Too mesmerized with the way Kirk looks so comfortable, relaxed. Stripped bare of tension and fear. 

McCoy finds he likes the look of Jimmy, domestic, much more than he does, James T. KIrk, commanding officer.

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anonymous asked:

So my fancast Jessica Chastain is out most likely of playing Ivy in the DCEU. Who do you want to play Poison Ivy?

Hi, 

I saw that she’s up for some “X-Men” movie right? Well good for her lol. I think Chastain would’ve been great because she’s a great actress but I don’t think someone should be picked for Ivy because they have red hair. Not saying that’s why you picked her but I often see - when people are fancasting- that they just go for the obvious. People can dye their hair for roles, isn’t Margot Robbie’s a natural brunette? Her roots seem to grow brown and I once saw an interview of her on Jimmy Kimmel where they showed a young picture of her and she had dark brown hair.  Obviously Jared Leto’s hair isn’t naturally bright green. I’m not trying to offend you or anyone so don’t take it that way please. 

This is David Ayer. He made the most diverse superhero film ever. He said in a press conference that “kids need to see people that look like them” on the big screen. This is Warner Bros. who have shown that they want to show as much diversity as possible both in front of and behind the scenes. I would be willing to bet money that “Gotham City Sirens” will NOT be three white female leads. I would actually be kinda disappointed if it was to be honest. WB is not a white sausage feast that is only 14 movies in getting diverse like some other movie studio. Just remember who is making this movie they have all shown that they are very driven to show as much diversity as possible. 

So if you’re asking me who my fancast for Poison Ivy is? I’ve had this person in mind since I saw her speak at the Oscars then I watched ‘Hidden Figures’ and she was fantastic in it. My fancast for Posion Ivy is Janelle Monáe. (x)

Thanks!