Okay okay right so I’ve been saying for awhile that my “story” is that back in March 2013 (that’s my freshman year) I kinda had this realization that even if I were an awesome guy with a ton going for me, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to recognize it and believe it. Like you can’t get a good enough look at yourself.
So for the past two years I’ve been on this big spree of doing things that make me feel good about myself, trying to love myself so that when someone is into me, I will actually believe it, and even feel like I’ve earned it. And when I get that little “she probably doesn’t even really like you voice” in my head I can confidently brush it off as anxiety. That’s all I want. I guess this post is kind of an update on this story.
So we came home from camp today. Right now I am willing to say with confidence there were no fewer than four girls actively showing interest in me, if you include the one on my phone. And that’s a weird feeling for me. Like I believe it, and I believe all of them, and I like all of them and I kinda have no idea what to do. It’s kinda like all that stuff about confidence working too well.
And don’t get me wrong, what I’m feeling right now is amazing, and part of this post is me just not wanting to ever forget it or ruin it for myself. Let the record show that on May 25, 2015 I was so happy with my life, I literally had I hard time believing it. Now nothing can change that.
I’m just…it’s not even like I’m afraid of disappointing people, it’s more like I don’t want to fuck up my friendships. That’s priority number one.