it looks like i'm flipping the camera off but i'm not

Flip Phones Are Making a Comeback 🤙
  • iPhone User: How can you even stand it?
  • Android User: Stand what?
  • iPhone User: Your phone's crappy camera. Every picture looks like it was printed from a gameboy.
  • Android User: At least mine isn't an overpriced piece of junk that bends if you put in your pocket.
  • iPhone User: Excuse me? I think all of that extra price goes to making sure our phone DON'T EXPLODE!
  • Android User: It's only the Note 7 that explodes. You don't know anything.
  • Flip Phone: *rings* Hello, Moto.
  • *both phone users glance at it momentarily until it stops ringing*
  • Android User: Uhh, anyway. At least our phones aren't made in sweatshops.
  • iPhone User: You didn't need to take this conversation in that direction, but your phone is probably made in a sweatshop too.
  • Android User: Our sweatshops are 100% more humane than Apple's gulags.
  • Flip Phone: *rings* Hello, Moto.
  • iPhone User: Is that piece of junk yours?
  • Android User: No, who uses a flip phone in 20XX. I thought it was yours.
  • iPhone User: *picks up flip phone* It's so old, but it seems familiar.
  • Android User: Are you going to answer it?
  • iPhone User: No. You answer it.
  • Android User: Hell no! You picked it up. Why don't you answer it?
  • iPhone User: I don't know. Something doesn't seem right about it. I'm going home.
  • Android User: Don't forget to take your flip phone with you.
  • iPhone User: You keep it, as an android user, you're used to cheap pieces of junk.
  • Android User: Low blow!
  • *at night*
  • Android User: *tossing and turning in bed*
  • Flip Phone: *ringing grows progressively louder* HELLO, MOTO!
  • Android User: *picks up flip phone* Piece of garbage. Why do you keep ringing. I should just answer it.
  • Android User: *gets nervous* Why don't I want to answer it? Jesus, I just need to get rid of this thing.
  • Android User: *tosses flip phone out of the window* That's better.
  • Android User: *attempts to go back to sleep but ringing starts again* Fucking no! Is this some sort of nightmare!?
  • Android User: *notices their own phone ringing on their drawer* Oh. *answers it*
  • Android User: Whom am I speaking to?
  • iPhone User: Hey, it's me.
  • Android User: It's late, what do you want?
  • iPhone User: You know how it's just the two of us that hang out.
  • Android User: Yeah, what about it?
  • iPhone User: Didn't it used to be three of us that hung out?
  • Android User: No, it's been just the two of us since we were kids.
  • iPhone User: We had a third friend that we hung out with everyday. I know this sounds crazy, but somehow both of us forgot about her.
  • Android User: I have no clue what you're talking about.
  • iPhone User: That's the point! Like, she did everything with us, but I can't remember anything specifically about her. It's like someone took an eraser to my mind, but for some reason I have all these faint memories about her coming back to me and I'm freaking out.
  • Android User: Man, I think you just need some sleep. You sound crazy right now.
  • iPhone User: I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if I got to sleep when I wake up I won't remember you. I think something bad is going to happen to you.
  • Android User: I'm fine. My dad owns a gun. If someone tries to break into our house or something, they'll get their heads blown off. I guess we might have to deal with vengeful ghosts, but those usually take a few years to develop. Get some sleep, please.
  • iPhone User: Okay, goodnight... I love you.
  • Android User: Uhh, the feeling's mutual... I guess. *hangs up*
  • Android User: Overemotional, I swear. *attempts to sleep*
  • *loud knock at the door*
  • Android User: Goddammit! Dad'll get it.
  • *banging persists and only gets louder*
  • Android User: Okay, I guess I have to answer it again. *grabs one of their dad's guns and answer the door*
  • Android User: *aims gun into the dark night* Who's out there!? Who was knocking on my door!? ...No one. Fucking neighbor kids, I swear.
  • Flip Phone: *rings* Hello, moto!
  • Android User: Of fucking course. *screams into the night* I guess some PARANORMAL FORCE just magically put the flip phone on my porch. How about I just BLAST IT TO PIECES!
  • The Night: *stays silent*
  • Android User: *sighs* This has to be a stupid fucking prank. I bet that iPhone using "friend" of mine is doing this to set me up.
  • Android User: *notices the caller ID on the flip phone* Rebecca? Why is that name so familiar?
  • Android User: *answers phone* Hello?
  • Rebecca: Look below your porch. Look below your porch. Look below your porch. Look below your porch.
  • Android User: Fuck off. *hangs up* If someone really is below my porch, you can crawl out! I'll be sure to blast your brains out! I'm not afraid!
  • Android User: I'm a fucking idiot for this. *peers below the porch* There's nothing. This really is all some prank. *stands up*
  • *the front door is closed*
  • Android User: *checks the door* It's locked! Fuck! Okay, this is actually getting weird, but I'm armed. If anyone tries to mess with me I'll fucking shoot them.
  • Android User: *checks self* Where the fuck did I put that phone?
  • Flip Phone: *rings from the back of the house* ...hello, moto.
  • Android User: *sweats nervously* Okay, stay calm. Remember, you're armed. This is all a prank and they'll feel like fucking idiots when they realize they nearly got themselves shot over this. *walks to the back of the house*
  • *the next morning*
  • iPhone User: *frantically scrolling through phone*
  • Grandmother: What's wrong, honey?
  • iPhone User: I don't know. I'm looking for someone in my phone contacts, but they're not there!
  • Grandmother: Who?
  • iPhone User: I don't know! Ugh!
  • Grandmother: Calm down, honey. I'm sure you'll find them.
  • iPhone User: Grandma, did I used to hang out with anyone? Like, I regularly had friends over, right?
  • Grandmother: Well, I'm going to be honest with you. You've always been a bit of an introvert. But as long as you keep up with your schoolwork, it's no bother to me.
  • iPhone User: No, I had two friends, didn't I? Don't you remember them? You knew both of them by name. They were my childhood friends.
  • Grandmother: I'm not sure. You liked being by yourself as a child. H-Have you been using drugs?
  • iPhone User: No, grandma! It's just... I don't know. I'm lonely and stressed out and I don't know why.
  • Grandmother: It must be your schoolwork, honey. You're such a hard worker and you hardly ever give yourself a break. Remember, you have to take out some time for yourself to relax too. Studying is important, but so is your mental health
  • iPhone User: You're right. Finals are coming up. I guess I've been letting it all go to my head.
  • Flip Phone: *rings* Hello, Moto.
  • Grandmother: *takes phone out of pocket* Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? *hangs up* Strange.
  • iPhone User: Where did you get that phone?
  • Grandmother: I've had it for a while now. Is there something wrong with it?
  • iPhone User: No... not anything that I remember.
fly (yoongi scenario).

pt.2 secret garden (smut).

elements: fluff

description: y/n and yoongi are flying to your hometown for vacation and the rest of bts tag along (only maknae line speak though). some talk of a future fam^^

word count: 1,103

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anonymous asked:

What the Akatsuki members snapchat stories would consist of? Modern Au?

Deidara has like, progress updates with the clay stuff he sculpts. Also aesthetic pics like the sky or pictures of his shoes and outfit. Like #kiksoftheday type of shit. And always has to use some type of filter. He’s also constantly fucking with Sasori and Sasori flips off the camera every time

Itachi rarely takes snapchats. It’s going to be someone else stealing his phone and taking snapchats of Itachi on his own account. Or he takes pics with Shisui or Sasuke. Has a streak going with Shisui and Kisame too btw

Kisame isn’t on snapchat either. Like ever. When he sees something dumb on someone else’s story though, he screenshots and sends it to Itachi so they can talk shit. He screenshots Deidara’s stuff in particular, and when Deidara confronts him like ‘WHY DID YOU SCREENSHOT KISAME?’ Kisame pretends it was an accident

Sasori isn’t on snapchat either but he’ll occasionally post his little puppet projects? But he’s also the type of guy who likes drawing those really cool geometric designs with just a pen or pencil, so he puts those on his stories whenever he finishes something

Tobi? (I’m gonna do Obito ok) takes lots of selfies with his friends, also lots of pics of his food, and if he sees something funny while he’s out in public. When he’s in hype moods it’s also just him in his car rapping along to whatever music he has blasting on the radio (Kakashi will usually be in these snaps too tbh)

Konan takes selfies with the daily filters, also pics with Nagato (or Yahiko bc he gets to live in this modern AU alrighty)

Nagato doesn’t post much to his snapchat story, he just likes looking through others’

Kakuzu honestly doesn’t even have a snapchat

Hidan is just him ranting about random shit. That’s actually where you’ll probably see Kakuzu. Whether Hidan’s yelling at him in particular or he’s in the background (Kakuzu swears he hates Hidan yet they’re always hanging out?) Kakuzu is usually there. And you’ll almost always hear him go “Shut the fuck up Hidan” by the end of the snap. A lot of it is just Hidan arguing with Kakuzu off screen tbh

A story for bella
  • I know some words are spelt wrong. But this is a story I wrote for Bella of what she has to look forward to on her business trip next month. Enjoy!
  • My phone goes off as I'm sitting at my desk at work. I open it and see it's a picture from my beautiful wife. It's a picture of you wearing a short skin tight dress. As I go to send you a reply telling you how absolutely beautiful it is, another picture comes though. One that makes my cock rock hard in a split second. The second pictures shows more than your sexy black dress. It shows underneath the little fabric that is covering your ass, had nothing below. Nothing but your bare ass and freshly shaven pussy. The conference is over and you have one last night to go out. So you spent hours getting ready. Shaving you legs, arm pits, and pussy completely. Making sure you got ever possible inch of hair from pussy to ass. After I tell you how fucking sexy you are you reply with " I know. I'm going out alone tonight" I tell you to be safe and have fun. Your last reply for a few hours " I will. ;)"
  • Two hours go by without a single text. My Cock has been rock hard the whole time. Every time I get an email or a text from a friend I think it's you and almost cum before I can see who it's from, hoping you've been a bad girl. Another hour passes and it seems like an eternity. My phone goes off. Your name lights up my screen. One single messages that sends me over the edge "I did it" I ask you what you mean. What happen. Where. Did you take pictures. Talk to me!
  • No reply. Another hour passes and I've gone to the bathroom to beat off three times already. Work ends and I'm back in the room. My phone goes off. I don't know the number. A strange text that just says "thank you" could this be him. Could this be the guy that my wife picked up? I have to know more! I ask thanks for what? He says "she just left. You'll know soon enough" what does that mean?! I immediately text you and ask what happen again. Still no response. Ten minutes later my phone goes off. Again your name lights up my phone. "Taking a shower real quick. Don't worry I'll send you before and after pictures with lots of detail when I get out. He was so huge" my cock erupts in another orgasm without even touching myself. The wait is only making me more excited and you know it. You send me a picture of you laying in your hotel bed still wet from the shower. You look exhausted. I ask you what happens and the story begins.
  • So you saw how sexy I was before I went out. I decided to go to the closest bar and have a drink and relax. Not ten minutes after being there I got two free drinks and multiple men come talk to me. I played it off first like I wasn't interested and eventually they all went away. This one guy sitting At a table watching his two friends play pool keep looking at me. And I kept looking back. Even after all the guys kept coming up to chat me up and left. He comes up next to me to order and drink. He said "I'll will have a shot and what ever this pretty lady is drinking" she smiles and winks, you smile back as he walks away. He's playing it cool and it's making you want him more. You slowly sip on your drink and keep looking and smiling at him. After your third drink you're feeling amazing but have to pee. You slowly get up and everyone stares at your beautiful ass as you walk to the bathroom. After you pee you notice how wet your pussy is and you wish he'd make a move. As you leave the bathroom and turn the corner you run into him. Instead of backing up he stands there and you slowly look up at him. Your hands wrap around his waist As his slowly wrap around your body placing a hand on each ass cheek. He leans in and the next thing you know you're making out in the middle of the hall. He slowly starts to back you up against the wall as your hands start to roam his back and feel his skin. Your short dress ridding up offering skin of your own for his hands to explore. Rubbing more and more intensely he knows you don't have panties on and you know you want the the bulge that's rubbing against your stomach. You stop your embraCe and grab his hand. You want it. You need it. You're going to take it. You lead him a block down the road to your hotel room. As soon as the door shuts you throw him onto the bed and pull your dress up over your head, exposing your completely naked body.
  • He sits up to take his shirt off and you push him forcefully back onto the bed. Your naked body straddles him and you unbuckle his belt. You're in control and now he knows it. You unbutton and unzip his pants as you kiss his stomach. Your hands slide in both side of his pants and pull them down as he lifts his ass up. His rock hard cock springs up, pre cum flying off with the force. You grab the shaft of his hard rod as you open your mouth and stick your tongue out to lick the base while the head is tickling your throat. You strain to open your mouth as wide as his cock is but you're desperate to take the whole thing. You start bobbing up and down on his can thick cock as he grabs the back of your head. Not long after you work his monster cock all the way down our throat you feel his cock start to pulsate and he shoots stream after stream of hot cum down your throat.
  • You pull your phone out and snap a picture of his cock slowly sliding out of your mouth giving the camera a nice wink. You stop your story to send the first of many pictures after you wipe the little bit of cum that escaped back into your mouth. At that point he sits up and you take off his shirt. As soon as it comes over his neck you lean in for a passionate kiss. In between kisses you tell him you're married and your husband has been begging you to do this and take pictures. He grabs your waist and flips you on your back and says "don't worry sweetie, I'll fuck you like a slut and take lots of proof" his cock doesn't even get soft. He grabs the base of his shift and put the tip inside your now dripping pussy. He asks if you've ever had a cock that big and you pant out a no as he slowly works it in. He takes your phone and snaps a few pictures. Half way in and you're body's already cuming. Body twitching. Hips shaking. Pulling his huge cock in deeper as you orgasm. The pleasure masks the pain of his cock stretching your pussy to the extreme. Still slowly working the last few inches in he turns the video on and starts to record him slowly pumping in and out. My phone goes off with a short video and I cum for a countless time as you take a break from all the typing.
  • With one final push you feel his pelvic bone against your skin. Cuming while knowing his whole cock is inside you. You instinctively wrap your legs around him as your body quakes in exticy. Nails digging into his back as his breath on your neck sends more chills down your spine. So much passion mixed in with being treated and fucked like a slut there is no name for it. After your orgasm settles he starts pulling out half way and slowly thrusting back in. Every time pulling out further and thrusting faster and harder deeper into your pussy. Soon he is fucking you as fast as he can. His down thrust matched by your ass raising and thrusting into him wanting more of his huge cock than he has givin before. Just like when he was in your mouth you feel his cock start to twitch and you know he's about to cum. Feeling your third orgasm on its way, you again wrap your legs around him and pull him as deep into you as you can. You feel Him start to drain his huge balls deep into your womb. You orgasm multiple times. Almost every time his cock pulses and shoots another stream of cum inside you your body matches with a intense wave of pleasure.
  • Both panting and out of breath. He slowly eases out of you. Almost giving you another orgasm as he exits. Your pussy stretched more than it's ever bee and full of cum he again takes your phone and snaps a few pictures as some of his cum slowly starts to leek out. Your body too exhausted to move much just lays their as more cum rolls out and down to your ass hole. He stand over you and makes you clean his cock as it starts to go limp as he snaps a few last pictures. After his cock is nice and clean he climbs off the bed. Texts himself so he has your number and send a sexy picture to himself. Unable to move from all the orgasms you just lay their feeling defeated and helpless as he starts to get dressed. He walks to the door, turns and looks at you naked, stretched out and full of cum. He winks as an amused grin lights up your face and shuts the door behind him. After what seems like an hour you finally get the strength and energy to move. Still completely horney and wet from a mixture of your cum and his hot load. You use what ran out of your pussy and down to your ass hole and start rubbing your ass using his cum as lube. You take a few pictures and videos of your fingering your ass with his cum. Makin sure i can see how stretched out and used you are. But only fingering your tight asshole because you know you wouldn't even feel your fingers after that horse cock just destroyed your pussy. You give yourself a final orgasm from just fingering your ass and after the orgasm settles is when you text me and get in the shower.
  • Reader x Jimin (bts) x Wonwoo (seventeen)
  • Word count: 1021
  • An AU where Jimin overhears your dirty confession to fellow band mates about wanting a threesome before an awards show
  • ---
  • Inside the dressing room was silent, nothing but the sounds of makeup brushes being sat down on the table and the occasional sounds of home buttons of phones heard.
  • "So I heard that Seventeen are attending this award show" My fellow band mate, Angel says from the back of the room causing my cheeks to flush red. I swear I could hear the smirk in her voice.
  • "Ooh, (Y/N)'s lover boy is gonna be here" My other band mate, Kim coos as she gets her eyeliner done beautifully. "He is not my boyfriend" I groan for the millionth time this month. Memories flash back of one of seventeens most recent interviews that had aired.
  • ---
  • "So Wonwoo, the fans want to know, who is your ideal type of girl" The MC asks Wonwoo as the rest of the band snigger and hit his shoulder, like they already know the answer. "(Y/N) of 4Angels" He smoothly says, winking at the camera.
  • ---
  • The interview made tabloids, trending twitter tags, and so much more. Fans began shipping us, and so did my own band.
  • "He's so hot though, you're lucky you know" Angel says as we begin to get dressed for the awards show. "Not my style" I say, wanting to divert the topic away from Wonwoo. "Let's talk about something else" I say quickly, as I'm being passed a black dress.
  • I get undressed in front of my band mates and the female makeup artists, not caring as we are all very close and they don't mind as my band mates do the same with their outfits. The black dress reaches mid thigh and shows off my curves nicely.
  • "Oh my god (Y/N), you look sexy!" The maknae Poppy yelled out with a gasp, Kim and Angel agreeing with me. "At least she'll look sexy for Wonwoo tonight" Angel says with a cheeky wink making me groan.
  • "What do you think they'll get up to tonight huh?" Kim says to Angel as if I wasn't there. "Probably some dirty stuff to be honest, we all know she wants him too" Angel says.
  • "I want to do something like that with someone as good looking as Wonwoo to be honest" Kim says which lead to the most dirtiest conversation that I thought that I would ever have.
  • "A threesome would be so hot if you think about it, just imagine going down on someone whilst someone else is taking you at the same time" I say to the other 2 members thinking that no one else was around. The groan in response, agreeing to my dirty confession.
  • "Next time you confess things like that, you might want to close your dressing room door" A voice comes from the door, startling all of us. My head snaps to the right, only to be met with Park Jimin of BTS smugly looking down on me as he continues to walk his way down the hall.
  • My cheeks flush red as my head falls into my hands. His table is right next to the seventeen table. Knowing Jimins attitude, he is bound to tell him.
  • During the award ceremony, that was all I could think about; the Park Jimin knows my guilty pleasure. After the awards show, embarrassment was still present. Especially whenever I saw Jimin smirk at me from across the room.
  • My stomach flipped when he came walking towards me, his lip in between his teeth sexily. Without stopping, he took my arm harshly and dragged me with him down the hall towards the dreaded room that I tried avoiding all evening.
  • Seventeen; hip hop unit
  • He opened the door and quickly locked it behind him. My eyes dart tithe only person sitting down in this room. The man himself, Jeon Wonwoo. He stares up at me with his own lip in a bite.
  • "You told him didn't you" I say in a voice barley above a whisper. Jimin nods before quickly attaching his lips to my neck, Wonwoo watching from his seat. Jimin trails his hand below my short black dress, touching my clit and slowly rubbing. A moan escapes my mouth as my eyes shut.
  • Jimin drags me over to the dressing room table, placing me on the cold surface. Lifting my legs onto his shoulders, he takes my black lace panties off and throwing them in the corner. His mouth instantly attaches to my clit and begins sucking. My hands reach for his hair as he licks up and down my now wet sex. Wonwoo could be heard taking his jeans off in the distance and groaning, probably palming himself at the sight of Jimin having me like this.
  • "How's her pretty pussy?" He asks Jimin in between moans. Jimin moans in response as he sticks his tongue in further, practically tongue fucking me to my orgasm. Before the knot in my stomach could be untied, Jimin stops all of a sudden leaving me in a hot breathing mess. Wonwoo walks over, quickly picking me up and placing me on the couch he was once sat on.
  • Wonwoo crawls on top of me, not even bothering to put a condom on and begins roughly thrusting inside of me, my back arching at the pleasure I'm receiving from his dick all of a sudden. "How's that princess? How's daddy's cock" Jimin purrs as he plays with my hair and makes out with my neck.
  • I reach my hand out into Jimins pants and begin to palm him off as Wonwoo relentlessly fucks me. "Daddy's cock feels good" I say as I move my hips, meeting Wonwoos thrusts.
  • "Be more vocal princess, daddy wants to hear you as you cum all over my cock" Wonwoo says as his thrusting intensifies, my hand speeding up on Jimin as he cums into my hand.
  • Moans fly out of my mouth as my cum spills over Wonwoos dick. "So pretty" he praises, kissing me quickly before putting his pants on.
  • "Wonwoo, open this door before I kick it down" Mingyu yells from behind the locked door causing Jimin and I to laugh a little.
things i want to see in the TABINOF bts vlogs:

- dan and phil trying to outline their book like Professionals™ but all their brainstorming sessions devolving into random, barely coherent ideas excitedly shouted out. phil using up that huge post-it note block he bought in japan to write down all their ideas and dan groaning about how difficult it’ll be to choose what to put in.

- them working together, but separately; sitting across from each other at the table, on opposite sides of the couch, one of them at the desk while the other is on the office couch. them working in silence, on their own laptops, but wanting to be together because the entire book is about them being together. (plus, dan’s a great proofreader and phil always knows the exact word dan wants to use but can’t remember. they have a good system.)

- them going through six years’ worth of photographs to pick which ones to include in the book - photos of them in manchester, jamaica, vegas, california, japan, florida, reading, cyprus, greece. photos of them at the bbc, at the disney recording studios, at award shows and music festivals. photos of them dressed up, hair styled and suits pressed and photos of them around the flat, messy bed head and worn pajama pants. behind-the-scenes photos of past pinofs. derpy video thumbnail pics. secret photos they’ve taken of each other; dan studying for university with his silhouette outlined by a harsh reading light, phil cooking dinner with a look of pure concentration on his face. them spending hours poring over thousands of photos, reminiscing every memory and laughing at their hairstyles and fashion senses.

- dan complaining about writer’s block over dinner, ranting to the camera about how difficult it is to express his thoughts in such a permanent and lasting way because he can never take it back and oh god this was a huge mistake no one is going to read it, phil, what are we doing?

- phil offering advice off-camera and making dan laugh until his dimple pops and he forgets his worries.

- phil entering the office at 3am to see dan asleep across the keyboard with a half-finished paragraph on the screen. phil making sure to save the document before shutting off the computer and draping a blanket over him. dan forcing phil to take naps, promising to edit the chapter phil wrote  while he sleeps.

- them going to their parents’ house to interview their families. phil blushing when his father tells him how proud he is of him. dan cringing when his mother gives an unnecessarily detailed description of his birth. them teasing each other over baby pics and embarrassing childhood stories.

- them stressing out as their deadlines get closer. montages of phil making two giant cups of coffee every morning and every night. dan deleting paragraphs of incoherent content he’d written at 4am the night before. them having minor arguments about what font to use and what chapters to include, getting more cross with each other until one of them calls a time-out because they’re both just exhausted and overworked and it’s a dumb thing to fight about so can they just please go to sleep and sort it out in the morning?

- countless meetings with editor sara and their book publishers. field trips to the printing press. road trips to find the best house to film their book trailer in. tesco trips to buy more coffee and painkillers.

- them sending the final copy of the book to their publishers and celebrating with a much-needed nap and hours of mario kart ((followed by a  fancy chinese restaurant dinner and chill  heyo))

- phil being in charge of overseeing the printing process and taking care of the formal aspect of it all, answering business calls and emails for hours. dan making side comments to the camera about how smart and wonderful phil is because he can’t help himself.

-them seeing the physical copy of the book for the first time and being so overwhelmed with pride.  phil grinning excitedly as he flips through the pages. dan trying not to cry as he holds the camera. them ending the bts vlog by holding up the book and simultaneously saying “try new things!” and laughing because they didn’t plan that. they never do.

I wrote another thing and I’m only slightly sorry. The idea just had me giggling like an idiot at work and I had to write it down. It’s another for the transcendence-au because it’s pure gold.

SO HERE WE GO LET’S DO THIS:

Cassie sat curled in the corner of her couch, a half eaten pint of ice cream on the side table and some shitty pre-Transcendence horror movie streaming on her TV. Honestly, some of the stuff people came up with back then was just terrible. It wasn’t even a horror movie proper, just all shock value and gore and needless torture. Cassie wasn’t even sure why she continued to watch this stupid movie. It wasn’t helping her feel better, after all. If anything it just made her more frustrated and feel more alone.

She had plans that evening. A date, even! And not even a first date, but a fifth date! She really liked the guy! But something felt off the entire time, leading up to the guy leaving mid-dinner and sticking her with the bill. Jackass. Now she was curled on her couch and living out every cliché possible to cope with the breakup. All she was missing was a cat.

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tardisandcinnamon  asked:

I'm not the last anon but I'm in pretty much the exact same situation, I've wanted to get into them for a while, mostly because I see some blogs I follow talk about how gay they are. I've already watched both their MVs (cause there's only 2, right?) and listened to just the songs on Spotify, and they're really good. And I saw in the tags you offered to talk about each girl to make getting to know them easier, and I would absolutely love if you could do that, pretty please?

i was going to try to be super cool about this, but i’m so excited right now. alright, here goes.. (btw, all the names have links to their little “interview quizzes” [just not yeonjung because she’s new])

Seola is the dad of the group. Why is she the dad? Because she’s all sleep and no bs. She and Exy probably go out for drinks after the kids go the sleep. She’s super thirsty for drama and died for all of us when she tripped over a huge block of concrete. And despite being the oldest, all the girls look after her very well :) and she can shake that booty 6/10 on the gay scale so far.

Xuan Yi is the #1 mother of this group and the first member of the Chinity. She pays for everyone and only expects cheek kisses/flattering in return. Important fact: she loves dried seaweed. She loves seaweed because she is legally registered as a fish. She’d betray every member in the hunger games if dried seaweed was the reward. She’s in an open, love-disgust marriage with Bona, but she flirts with everyone like she doesn’t even know her. She’s also the biggest dork on the planet, especially when she dances. 9/10 on the gay scale.

Bona is the mother hen. In other words, all the protection and care, but can’t manage the kids for shit. She’s a total flirt and could probably get anything she wants with her aegyo. She’s well known for being disgusted with many things (including Xuan Yi) and it’s a total meme. She tries to hide the pain of her wife Xuan Yi flirting with everyone by flirting with Cheng Xiao and trying to get at Eunseo, but Luda won’t have that bs. is probably into some weird kinky shit 9/10 on the gay scale.

Exy is the leader but the relatable procrastinator of the group and is a lamewad. She is the overworked aunt who always gets left to take care of all the kids. Despite coming off as a badass on Unpretty Rapstar, she’s just a giant cutie. This girl can sing too just forget rapping for a bit and watch this. even tho she’s tired from Dayoung’s energy, i’m pretty sure she entices it half the time she and Seola are just too tired to put 100% into being gay. 7/10 on the gay scale.

Soobin is the sweetest ball of sunshine. She’s easy going to the point of changing behind a door while on camera and being hit but does nothing about it. No matter how laidback, she’s bad under pressure. While she’s a bit quiet most of the time, when she’s loud, SHE IS LOUD. There is an actual pterodactyl living inside of her. Don’t believe me? Watch the Weekly Idol episode, then you will know the truth… I know she has a gay little heart, but we don’t see it much cause she tries to hide it, but we caught her a few times. 6/10 on the gay scale (but only because she hasn’t got enough screen time to know).

Luda is the head honcho, the ring leader, the boss, the captain of the Cosmic Gays™ that goes by the pseudonym “Lurrito.” This girl is the gayest, most devious little fluff ball. Something mischievous happened? Luda called the hit. Super quiet and cute on the outside, Satan on the inside. This girl’s got everyone so whipped, they don’t even deny it. She’s the girl with the most girlfriends. And don’t mess with Eunseo, cause Luda will mess you up. That’s her #1 girl. 17/10 on the gay scale.

Dawon is one of the most underrated members. While there isn’t much to know about her because her screen time is so little, all you need to know is that this little, considerate angel has a beautiful soul and cAN SING. Also, important fact: her nickname is Snorlax. She also talks like an old person and seems very mature for her age, also meaning she can control her gay impulses. 5/10 on the gay scale (but only because she hasn’t got enough screen time to know).

Eunseo (aka meme) is the first lady of the Cosmic Gays™ and the mischievous line. If she does something devious, Luda probably told her to do it. She uses loud shouting (“BBANG!!!!!”) to communicate and runs a bird farm. She’s extremely extra and is for sure the loudest member. But even though she drives Exy nuts, she’s incredibly caring and watches over all the members (comforted Seola when she was forced to face her fear of water). She has the second most girlfriends. 15/10 on the gay scale.

Cheng Xiao is the cutest little puppy and the second member of the Chinity. She looks like a doll and styles her hair in buns so she looks like Chun Li from Street Fighter. All of the members love her half to death and she’s probably being cuddled by someone nearly all day (most likely by Eunseo or Bona). Her thighs are one of God’s holy creations. She can flip. She’s super flexible. She does flips. She has thighs of life. She can flip. Did I mention she’s super adorable? And that she can flip? She probably struggles with Korean the most out of the Chinity, and it’s probably the cutest thing when she makes little mistakes. 8/10 on the gay scale.

Mei Qi is the sexy, UNDERAGE member and the third/final member of the Chinity (is the best at Korean among the three). She’s considered another mom of the group, but insists she’s an oppa (btw we’re all pretty sure she’s the only one who calls her that). This girl is another of the most underrated members, both by the fandom and Starship itself. She’s supposed to be a part of the vocal line, but somehow ended up only being a main dancer (not that being a main dancer isn’t a huge accomplishment). She’s said very little on air and doesn’t get much screen time, but the most important thing she’s said so far is “PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA!” She’s like Cheng Xiao and seems to be more gay loved than gay loving, but accepting gay love is still being gay. 7/10 on the gay scale. (ps. “I love Mei Qi. I love Mei Qiiii.” - Lee Luda)

Yeoreum is a small, precious little warm fuzzie that kind of looks like she could be Taeyeon’s child. She lives in a small nest and is the cutest little thing ever and I’m just going asdhghf trying to think of things to say. She joins the major aegyo line with Bona and uses it against Xuan Yi for food. She seems to be in a competition for Eunseo’s love with Cheng Xiao, but I don’t think either she or Cheng Xiao know that Luda has her eyes on them. I can’t think of anything else because my brain thought it was ok to just asdfghjkl over Yeoreum. 9/10 on the gay scale.

edit: I completely forgot that she’s the resident window cleaner. I can’t believe i forgot her true dream job. She literally does it all the time. (much thanks @exycited!)

Dayoung (aka meme 2.0) is the most extra of them all. I don’t think she’s as loud as Eunseo (volume wise), but dear lord is she a close second. She drives all the unnies crazy, but makes up for it by taking care of them with food. She’s super gay and rolls around on the ground with Eunseo in the morning. With her variety skills, don’t be surprised to see her as an actress someday. Even though she’s Eunseo’s hug buddy #2, we all know she’s got that girl crush on charismatic leader Exy. 10/10 on the gay scale.

Yeonjung is the newest addition to the “let’s drive Exy nuts” line. Since we know how many high notes and long notes she can hit, it’s easy to say she’ll be the third, possibly the second, loudest member. But now that she’s the maknae, she’ll get away with it ;) This little cutie is undoubtedly sweet and will make a great addition to the family. I’m not exactly sure how gay she’ll end up being because we haven’t seen her with the other girls in videos yet, but time will tell. ?/10 on the gay scale.

ps. X and i’m dead serious when i say these guys are weirdos

i hope this helps! also, a lot of fandom inside jokes are in the post. I’ll try to link the posts so every one can see the true strangeness and gayness :)

behind the scenes of the behind the scenes

genre: Fluff. what else is new?

Words: 3.1k

Warnings: very very very light spoiler of TABINOF.

Summary:  “What are you doing?” 

“I’m writing a vampire fic where you turn me into a vampire and then you fuck me hard against a tree.” He deadpans, staring at Phil’s eyes directly. 

Or, behind the scenes of The Making of The Amazing Book is Not on Fire.

a/n: I literally wrote this initially because I asked Phil on twitter what did he do to get out of writer’s block and he answered he went out for a walk or watched inspiring films like Finding Nemo and then it turned into this mess. I have no self control.

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I have hit a new level of fluffy ridiculousness, but it seems to be one of the fandom's favorite headcanons...so I present to you - Nygmobblepot at the zoo (I'm so so sorry I'm such a sap)

“First stop on the agenda today?” Oswald asked over breakfast, drinking in the sight of Ed moistening his fingers to flip through a large stack of papers.

“Only one stop today, actually,” Ed replied, handing Oswald one of the reports, “There is a zoo opening up on 55th and Chestnut. The press is very excited to have the mayor there for the Grand Opening.”

“A zoo?” Oswald queried, his voice high with incredulity, “Why would someone open a zoo in Gotham? If you want to see animals here, just take a trip downtown.”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Ed chuckled, “But it might be an enjoyable day.”

Oswald merely muttered differentially.

As morning turned to afternoon, the pair arrived at the newly minted structure amid a dizzying array of camera flashes and the cacophonous cries of the press trying to get a comment from the mayor. Oswald allowed them their pictures and smiled and waved in response, but after a moment he glanced in Ed’s direction, all the instruction his Chief of Staff needed. At once, Ed stepped in to shelter the smaller man with his tall frame, shielding Oswald from view and ushering him inside. Oswald couldn’t help but smile. It was one of those many moments that had populated his life since he and Ed had become a couple - simple moments that became charged with a secret heat they tried so desperately to hide from the prying eyes of the public.

“Vultures.” Oswald scoffed once he and Ed were safely inside.

“Unfortunately, there are more vultures in here, and not just the ones behind the glass in the aviary,” Ed grinned, “I’ve set up an interview with Channel Eleven.”

“Fabulous," Oswald sighed sarcastically, before peering around the large space, "Where exactly is this interview?”

“Let me see…” Ed consulted his schedule, “Ah yes. I set it up to be in the arctic room.”

“The arctic room?” Oswald repeated, setting his tongue in his cheek.

“Yes.”

“And nothing seemed off to you about that plan at all?”

“No, why?”

Ed wrenched open the door leading to said room and took a glance around, his mouth dropping open at once.

“Oh, I understand now,” he responded as Oswald levelled him with a glare, “Oh dear.”

For all his brilliance and careful planning, it clearly had not occurred to Edward Nygma that this particular zoo may have penguins, nor that it might create some uncomfortable parallels to have Oswald doing his interview in front of them.

“I am so sorry, Oswald, I’m an idiot. I didn’t even-” Ed began, but Oswald merely held a hand up to stop him midsentence.

“We’ll talk about it later,” he said through gritted teeth and entered the cold space.

For the entire interview, Oswald forced a smile and answered the media’s questions with as much patience as possible while the penguins in the display behind him chattered and Ed shuffled nervously. It was easily the most awkward interview Oswald had ever done and as he spoke, he could feel his lips curling into an uncomfortable, annoyed sneer.

When at last the interview ended and he had shaken hands with the board of directors responsible for the zoo and the zookeeper and stood for various photo ops, Oswald was free to escape to the quite of a bench in one of the zoo’s many covered outdoor promenades. He sat there for a while in silence, tapping his good leg in irritated thought. After several minutes, Ed arrived and sat on the other end of the bench awkwardly, something clutched gingerly in his fist. A beat passed during which neither man looked at each other, then Ed relinquished the item in his hand, setting it in the space between himself and Oswald and giving it a push forward. Oswald looked down to find the object in question was some sort of small rock.

“What’s this?” he asked listlessly.

“A pebble…” Ed said, looking straight ahead, “Penguins show their love by presenting their mates with them.”

Oswald couldn’t help but smile in spite of himself, reaching down to take the rock in his gloved hand.

“You’re an idiot…" he said, glancing over at Ed, "But you’re MY idiot, and that’s all that matters.”

Ed sighed in relief and returned the smile as Oswald pocketed the offering. He glanced around to make sure they were well and truly alone before planting a quick kiss on the mayor’s lips.

“I know. And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you…” he whispered.

“It’s alright…” Oswald replied, sliding closer to Ed and patting his leg, “I just need to learn how to reconcile all these new parts of myself together, that’s all. I can be Penguin the king of the underworld and Mayor Oswald Cobblepot all at once. I can be anything as long as I’m with you. You’re forgiven.”

They sat like that for a moment, both men smiling in bliss, before Oswald suddenly got to his feet.

“Now come on, we have the rest of the afternoon if you wanted to take a look around,” he said, “I personally would like to go see where they house the giraffes.”

Ed got to his feet as well, dusting off his jacket with an air of confusion, “The giraffes? Why?”

“No reason…” Oswald said with a grin, glancing up at the taller man as they walked off.

anonymous asked:

Hello! I'm not sure if I'm doing this right, but here goes! Completely ignoring canon, how do you think the Avengers would react if you were a close relative and your first mission with the team ended with you having to go to the hospital (nothing serious, but enough to warrant medical attention). Sorry that's so long!!!

It was going so great; you were knocking down enemies without challenge. Then from out of nowhere someone managed to swipe you off of your feet and you landed in a painful position. It’s easier to just say, you broke your leg.


When Tony went to visit you, you had your arms crossed and didn’t make eye contact with him and the biggest pout you could pull. “(Y/N), you need to watch your back. What you did was reckless and irresponsible!” He scowled. 

“I got the mission done didn’t I? Besides, look how many guys a took out,” you smirked and looked at him. Tony wanted to argue back but he knew you were right and slumped back in his chair.

“You’re not going on any more missions… not with me anyway,” he mumbled but you knew Fury would let you go on more.


“I am really mad at you, I really am. Don’t think you’ve gotten away with this (Y/N). But that was super cool. The way you just flipped over and didn’t see the guy coming was hilarious! I wish I could’ve caught that on camera,” Clint was practically crying laughing in his sleep. It wasn’t helping the amount of embarrassment you were feeling. You looked unamused at Clint but that just made him giggle even more.

“This isn’t funny, Fury will think I’m not capable of working with you guys!” You whined.

“Never mind Fury, hell, when I get back to work I’ll ensure every agent knows about this.”


Your eyes fluttered open to see a Steve Rogers sleeping in the corner of the room. His hair was rogue and he was still in the Captain America uniform.

“Steve? Have you been here all night?” You whispered to check if he was awake. Sure enough, his head darted up to look at you. His eyes were bloodshot from tiredness.

“When I heard my own relative was down I came as soon as possible. How are you holding up?” He got up and took your hand in his while smiling reassuringly.

“You need to go home and sleep, I’m fine,” you mumbled and squeezed his hand a little. He nodded his head and started towards the door of the room slowly.


“You have a gift from someone named Natasha Romanoff,” a nurse walked in and place a bunch of (Your favourite flowers) on the bedside table next to you. In them was a letter. You extended your arm to take it and winced a little at your broken leg.

To (Y/N),

I sincerely apologise about how I am not there with you. Fury had me working on another mission as soon as that last one finished. On the bottom of the vase of flowers is my new mobile phone number, message me to let me know you’re okay. 

Best wishes.

Natalia.


Bruce refused to let you go to a hospital. Instead you went to his lab where he put the bottom half of your body in the cradle to generate new cells and tissue in your leg.

“I don’t want you to go on any more missions,” he mumbled while sorting something out on his desk.

“Bruce we talked about this. S.H.I.E.L.D is what I want to do, it’s where I belong,” you whined. You were not about to go through all this again.

“Oh, what so in a cradle with a broken leg is where you belong? To me that doesn’t seem like a life of fun. S.H.I.E.L.D is dangerous and controlling; I learnt the hard way. I can’t have you be going on missions with a slight possibility that,” he paused and took off his glasses, “that you might not return.”


Of course, Thor offered you treatment from Asgard but you declined and went to a normal hospital. He sat for the first five minuets having a good look around and asking what all the equipment does.

“You Asgardians are quite smart. How do you feel Lady (Y/N)?”

“Peachy. And I told you to call me (Y/N). Thanks for coming with me by the way, I appreciate it,” you smiled.

“Why of course! Your action on the field today was amazing, I hope to see you on missions again.”

As requested, the fluff version on this prompt: SEND MY MUSE “GIMME GIMME GIMME!”

And I’ll randomly generate a number from 1-45 to see what my muse gives yours from the list below.

14. A box of letters they never had the courage to send In response/sequel to this fluffy thing here

That last shot was unfair!”

“Why? ‘Cause it went in? Heh.”

Kise’s mutinous silence continued as he made his way into Aomine’s room and unceremoniously flung himself on the beanbag beside the bed. Kise clearly pictured the cocky smirk on his face without needing to look and he flung the towel draped around his neck at the ace. But Aomine chuckled then, the sound low and throaty and just so unfairly knee-buckling that for a second, Kise forgot what he was so worked up about.

“I won, fair and square. Stop being a brat.”

Kise huffed and silently fumed to himself as he continued to ignore the ace, looking at Aomine’s scant collection of video games and suddenly wishing he’d brought some of the new ones he bought the day before. 

“Are you putting one in?”

Still more silence.

“Really? You gonna keep ignoring me? It’s not like it’s the first time you’ve lost, baka.”

“Hah?! Do you have to dig it in? Aominecchi’s so mean,” Kise grumbled, making a face before returning to his full fledged sulking. He knew he was being ridiculous, but after that confession from the ace just the week before, he thought maybe, just maybe, Aomine would be nicer, sweeter, act like an actual boyfriend. At the errant thought, he took one of the game cases and flung it in Aomine’s general direction.

“Oi! What was that for?!”

More silence.

Oooh he makes me so mad! Mean, stupid, baka Aominecchi!

Kise had hoped maybe Aomine would say those three words that somehow turned him into complete jelly more often, now that the initial 'I love you’ was out of the way. That was the hardest one, right? The one that made his palms sweaty, his stomach twist itself in knots, his heart jump right out of his chest. 

But even though Aomine had confessed, there had been no difference after that with how he treated Kise. Needless to say, the blond was completely put off by the lack of affection and took it out on the ace in other ways. 

“You can sit there moping and stinking up the room or you can take the first shower. Your choice. I’m gonna see if my mom left food layin’ around,” Aomine said as he dropped his gym bag on the floor next to where Kise sprawled out. The ace affectionately ruffled the top of his head before leaving the room, an amused snort coming from where he disappeared to.

“Baka Aominecchi, couldn’t even even let me win. Would it hurt him to be nice for once?” The mutters continued, a lump rising in his throat again. It was the same reaction every time he thought back to that confession. As much as he wanted to believe Aomine meant what he said, the way the ace treated him sometimes made him doubt it. And the idea that it wasn’t true was something he refused to think about. 

Golden gaze fell on the opened Mai-chan magazine laying on the floor and Kise bent over to reach for it. Flipping through the first pages, he eyed the pictures with a sudden flare of jealousy and briefly, he wondered if it was because he didn’t look like them that Aomine wasn’t as affectionate as Kise wanted him to be. 

I just want to tell him I love him all the time and I can’t because he’s so stupid. Stupid, stupid baka. 

He felt around underneath Aomine’s bed for the box he knew contained the rest of the ace’s revered porn stash. One or twice, he thought about making the magazines conveniently disappear just to spite Aomine, but he felt so guilty about thinking it that he’d chicken out. Pulling it out, he slipped his finger beneath the lid and popped it open. The same girl graced cover after cover, her face taunting Kise, mocking him for not keeping Aomine’s attention as well as the magazines did. 

Annoyance flaring, he threw the magazine clear across the room, pages ruffling in the air as a loose leaflet detached and fell a few feet from where he sat. 

What the–

He retrieved the piece of paper and immediately recognized the heavy-handed scrawl. It wasn’t until he saw his name did his curiosity really get the best of him and as he began to read the words on the page, golden eyes widened before he made to scramble for the rest of the magazines. Sure enough, each one contained the same thing, letter after letter, all messy scrawls crossed out and smeared, and all addressed to him. 



Baka Kise,

How many times do I gotta get it through your thick skull that I'm not going anywhere? I just wanna crumple this up and chuck it at your head to see if that'll do anything to get those thoughts out. I want you. Just you. 



Ryouta,

You're probably never gonna see this but since I can't actually tell you, guess I gotta tell someone and this is the closest thing I got. It really bugs when you talk to the harem that way. I almost decked Wakamatsu the other day 'cause he asked me something about practice and I thought he said something that reminded me of your stupid fangirls. I mean, I get you have them, I get it's good for your career, but the thought of having to share what's mine, even if it's just for cameras and all that crap, makes me a little possessive I guess. You're gonna think I'm so stupid for this



Ryouta,

This is probably my fifteenth time trying to write this, but I can't seem to get it right. I always seem to do something to piss you off, always seem to say the wrong thing. And I know when I've done it 'cause you get this look on your face. You know the one. It feels like I did something to initiate World War III. You gotta be patient with me. I'm still trying to figure all this out. Doing the feelings thing has gotta be the hardest thing to do, right? Guess showing it is harder even though I do. And it's a kick in the pants to think that maybe you don't believe me. I'm not as open about it as you, but I do. God, I fucking do. In that mind blowing adrenaline pumping can't get you outta my head sorta way. I think I have for a while before I knew what the hell hit me. So believe in me. Trust me. Because I love you, you idiot. Even if I really suck at showing it--



What the fuck are you doing, Ryouta?

Blinking as his hand involuntarily rumpled the piece of paper now crinkled between his fingers, he turned and gave Aomine a sheepish grin. “I– ah, well, you see–”

“You read them?”

“I didn’t mean to! I was looking through your magazine and then it fell out, so I went to see if there were any in the other magazines and there were. I couldn’t help myself, I kept seeing my name and I just, I’m sorry, Aominecchi!”

“Wait a minute… you were looking at porn.” Aomine’s startled expression shifted into one that turned Kise’s entire body to jello, the predatory smirk he wore causing the blond to scramble back as his cheeks heated from embarrassment.

“I– no, I wasn’t! I was just–” He couldn’t explain the reason he picked up the magazine to begin with and he wondered if he should just let Aomine think what he wanted instead of having to admit he was jealous of some hot girl in a dumb magazine.

“…looking at my porn stash,” Aomine finished, the smirk widening as he swept his fingers along the edge of his jaw in mock contemplation. “If you wanted porn, you could’ve just said so.”

Before he knew what he was doing, Kise had jumped up and practically tackled Aomine to the floor, his face pressed against the ace’s neck as he tried to keep himself from crying out of relief or humiliation; he wasn’t sure anymore. “Only you would keep love letters in your dirty magazines! Baka, baka Aominecchi!”

“The two loves of my life all in one place. What can I say? Heh.”

“Gah! Idiot!” Kise trilled before planting one right on Aomine’s mouth to shut him up.

anythas-thoughts  asked:

Congratulations for your milestone! I've just read your giveaway fics and they're all awesome(as always). :) Might I ask for this one? 78: Are a tourist who gets hopelessly lost and a local who offers to show them around.

aw thank you so much! if I remember correctly, you’ve been in the fandom for longer than I have (or at the very least, just as long), so congratulations to you, too. ;-)
Anniversary Ficlet 7/10.
Rated G. FitzSimmons. Non-SHIELD AU.

Nothing exciting ever happened in Birnam. This was fact, and anyone who thought differently was kidding themselves. The most interesting things they ever got were particularly weird Shakespeare fans who made the trek from Glasgow just so they could laugh at their own forest jokes. From the city himself, Fitz had considered more than once how he would pay someone to get him out of Birnam, but unfortunately his job prevented him from leaving for another two years, one month, and seventeen days. Not that he was counting.

The company had offered him an exorbitant amount of money to do R&D on a new type of rocket fuel, as well as provide them with weaponry consultations while he was at it, and Fitz had initially jumped at the chance. He should have known that the job had sounded too good to be true, and the isolation of the development facility was high on his list of reasons why he couldn’t wait to leave this little town in Perthshire for good. Convinced that this would always be the case, Fitz went through the motions of living in the Scottish countryside without ever trying to find a reason why he would stay. So it made complete sense that, one gray afternoon, said reason would literally knock him on his arse.

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