it looks like i have duck lips

Stranger Things: As described by somebody who’s never seen it (That person being my sister)

Eleven:  “ I know that she’s 11. I know she’s like an alien or something. I mean… Just from stuff I’ve seen online, I know those hands have killed. Someone please get her a napkin for her nose. Also eggos.”

Joyce: “Is this the ‘Where is my son?’ lady?”

Nancy: :She looks like someone I wanna fight… I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say she’s gay. So she’s probably dead. “

Dustin: “I want to protect him. Also, I like his duck lips. Also, he’s wearing  trucker hat, so he probably trashy but in a good way. I’m assuming he’s the little rascal of the group.”

Lucas: “I’m just gonna assume he’s done with everyone else’s shit. Also, I know somebody plays D&D in this, so I’m gonna assume he’s the ranger.”

Jonathan: “Forehead”

Chief Hopper: “Get off my lawn you crazy kids!”

Will: “He looks like coconut head mixed with Marty McFly. His face is filled with worry. Probably a 50 year old in a 5 year old’s body.”

Dr. Martin Brenner: “Is he the president?”

Karen: “She’s wearing flannel so is she also gay? Is she important?”

Mike: “Small and precocious and filled with wonder. He looks like he tries to protect. “

They wandered amongst the shelves for a few more moments, Credence clutching his book close, before they made their way to the front with their purchases, Mr. Graves smiling as the till rang up fifteen dollars, looking at Credence with a smile.

“Do you have your chequebook, little one?”

Credence flushed, ducking his head low out of habit, trying to make himself smaller as he reached into his pocket and produced the sleek leather pocketbook Mr. Graves had purchased him, with the chequebook, ledger, and neat little slot for cash.

“There you go, fill it out like I showed you.”

Credence bit his lip, well aware of the audience of the cashier and the two other customers lined up behind him, shakily, clumsily writing out his name, the dollar amounts, and the date as well as the name of the store. When he finally, carefully, tore the cheque from the perforated line, Mr. Graves was practically preening with pride, looking down at him as the books were wrapped quickly in brown paper and tucked into a large bag for the boy.

#276 - AU: Long Distance Relationship

Harry: You smiled softly and laughed as he told you a corny joke, determined to get a smile on your face. “C'mon baby, smile,” he chuckled softly, puckering up his lips like a duck and making adorable kissy noises. You couldn’t help but gush and smile softly, putting your hands over your face. Harry smiled widely and bit his lip gently, letting out a sigh of content. “There it is…” He murmured and you lowered your hands slowly to look back at him. The atmosphere got quiet. You two exchanged looks before se spoke up again. “I’ll be there with you before you know it…” You nodded your head softly. “I promise love… Once I have the money… I’m gonna fly over and see you and it’s going to be perfect… Even if it’s not perfect, it will be…” You smiled softly at him and nodded your head. “I’ll be here waiting to pick you up… Always…”

Liam: It was nearly six o'clock and you were ready for Liam to call. Over the past year of you two dating from across the country, the nightly phone calls were something that both of you always looked forward to at the end of the day. Without missing a beat, his ring tone echoed through your ears. You picked up quickly, smiling widely. “Hi, my love,” you answered softly. “Hey sweetheart.” You could almost tell he was smiling just by the way he spoke. “How’re you doing today?” you asked next. “I’m doing real well babe… Of course I’m always amazing when I get to talk to you,” he chuckled into the receiver and you bit your lip softly. “I also have some news for you…” he continued. “What..?” you asked, the smile on your face faltering slightly. “Well… I was wondering of you could pick me up at the airport Saturday night?” he asked softly and your jaw drop. “Are you serious?!” He laughed softly. “I’m dead serious love.”

Niall: Butterflies were shooting around your stomach as you stood in the airport waiting. Your palms were sweating and your heart was jumping around, your nerves starting to make you feel queasy. Niall was supposed to be walking through those doors any second, and after having dated online for over a year, this meeting was long anticipated. All those thoughts of what it would be like to hold him and to kiss him would not be just thoughts for much longer. As people began to come down the escalator towards the baggage claim, your eyes began searching around for him. Your heart was thumping like mad and then finally, there he appeared at the top with his carry-on slung over his shoulder. You put your hands over your face and started walking towards him. His smile widened when he saw you and for the first time ever, he had his arms around you, his face nuzzled into your neck.

Louis: Sending him off another text you sighed and slouched down into the couch. You were quite sick and just wanted to be able to Skype with your long distance boyfriend, but unfortunately, he was busy. You looked down at your phone and bit your lip softly seeing he said he had a couple minutes to Skype. Quickly you opened up your computer and called his account, chewing your lip. His face popped up in the screen and you smiled softly. “Hey Lou…” you sniffled, and he pouted looking over at you. “Awe my poor sick girl. How’re you feeling today babe?” You shrugged softly and grabbed a tissue. “Same as yesterday Lou…” you answered and he frowned. “I’m sorry love… I don’t have much time. I have to go already but I love you okay? And we’ll Skype tonight for a long time…” You sighed softly but nodded, bidding him a farewell. You had no idea that he would be bringing more than just a skype date tonight.

Zayn: The minute you laid eyes on him in the airport, you wanted to cry happy tears. He had roses for you, waiting in the terminal like some cheesy movie scene. You walked up to him as fast as your legs would carry you and as soon as you were less than a foot away, you threw yourself into his awaiting arms. For the first time, you were in his arms, after years of seeing him through a screen. He was finally right there in front of you, holding onto you just like you imagined he would. Everything you imagined was coming true. Everything you could ever imagine was now right in front of you. His eyes bore into yours before they shut and he pushed his lips against yours. Happily you melted into them, savoring his taste and pressing yourself against him as much as possible. Your heart completely melted in his presence. If anything, the experience was so much better than you could have ever imagined it.

Destiel The Grinch!AU. Because why the fuck not.

Castiel grinned at his makeshift angel, running his fingers over the black feathers of his own wings. Looking at himself in the mirror, the Who-who-was-not-a-Who, bit his perpetually dry lip, frowning. Zach had told him he’d never have a chance with Dean because he moulted like an animal, but what if…? Grabbing the scissors from his vanity, he’d set his shoulders.

For Dean.


“Has everybody given their gifts?”

“I haven’t.”

Castiel pushed his way through the coats at the back, cheeks red as he ducked his head and placed the tree-topper on the other’s desk. Stepping back, he felt the garbage bags he’d tied over his wings rattle as he’d cleared his throat, motioning to his gift. “Merry Christmas, Dean Winchester.”

But, the reaction had not been one he’d been hoping for.

“Castiel,” his teacher asked, biting back a confused smile. “Honey, why are you wearing garbage bags?”

Cas shrugged.

“Please… take them off?”

“I don’t—”

“It’s against school policy, Castiel. It’s alright.”

Swallowing thickly, Castiel nodded and slipped towards the back of the classroom, slipping on his coat while the bags drifted to the floor.


Biting his lip, Cas dropped the coat.

And all hell broke loose.


Cas blushed furiously, tears springing to his too blue eyes as the class had erupted in laughter. He knew his wings were hideous; a mess of cut up feathers and bald patches. He’d only been trying… he’d only wanted…

Embarrassment turning to anger in his gut, Castiel gritted his teeth and reached for his gifted, throwing it clear across the room. It broke into a million little pieces against the wall. “Stupid present!” Cas declared with a furious sob. He pushed over the classroom’s Christmas tree. “Stupid tradition! I HATE CHRISTMAS! I HATE IT!”

The screams of laughter quickly turned to screams of terror, and Castiel took the opportunity to run out of the room with the rest of his classmates. Looking back only once, he locked eyes with Dean. The Who was staring, but Cas didn’t have it in him to be made fun of again. He fled to the mountain.

“…I’ll never forget that day,” Dean Winchester murmurs in the present, frowning at nothing. “I should done something, you know? It was—his gift was nice, and they were so mean, I couldn’t… I mean, I didn’t know what to do.” The older Who is getting misty-eyed, and little Claire Novak feels tears spring to her own eyes. Castiel isn’t mean… he’s misunderstood. He was bullied.

“But you’re in love with him!” Claire suddenly explodes. “Haven’t you ever gone up to see him?! To say you’re sorry?!”

“Claire, you can’t just—”

“What happened next?” the child demands, heart squeezing as Dean shakes his head.

“That was the last time I ever saw him,” the other murmurs. “He went up the mountain and never came down.”

Claire clutches at the edge of her dress, determined. Maybe Castiel has locked himself away because he’s still hurt, but all he needs is kindness to make him feel welcome. After all, Christmas isn’t about the gifts and lights, it’s about family and belonging. It’s about love. It has to be.

Turning off the tape recorder, the child gives a nod to her interviewee. “Thank you for your time,” she says cordially. “Merry Christmas.”

Claire Novak has work to do.


The smaller man did not look like he belonged in a club where colored lights strobed over the dance floor and men bounced and ground against each other to the beat of pumping music. Yet there he was and all Eamon could think was  that he looked like the sort who would be an animal in bed. A wild fuck was definitely what Eamon wanted. Or at least to take this man home and stay up til morning talking and drinking.

With a confident swagger he approached Jack. “You’ve been watching me,” he ducked close enough to say and be heard. “I like that.” Eamon touched his arm. “If you don’t wanna come home and have me ride you, at least let me suck you off in the bathroom.” He licked his lips.

The one where Ballsy shakes her head at BeigeBatch the Boring turning up to a STAR WARS premiere

I am currently wearing a Star Wars “Keep calm and use the Force” T-Shirt.  Overlaid by a Troopers 77 baseball shirt.  I have more lightsabers in my house than the Jedi Council and there are Stormtrooper, Tie Fighter Pilot, Darth Vader, and Rebel helmets adorning the tops of every bookcase in my loungeroom.  Please duck when you pass all the Star Wars ship models on your way to admire all the Star Wars posters on my wall.  The TARDIS in the corner is merely the mechanism by which you get to a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. 

Benedict?  I have a question.  Why the fry should I follow a dude (who used to be quite the dorky fanboy) when he gets to go to the fucking STAR WARS premiere and stands there tight-lipped next to Dismal Dora the Black Hole of Fetch (looking like she didn’t even know what was going on - and who showed her true colours by fucking walking away from fucking Han fucking Solo himself), completely ignores the Storm Trooper behind him and does not, I repeat does not crack a single, genuine fanboy smile in pretty much every pic?  Except in the presence of Harrison Ford of course, but then Little Miss Wet Blanket ruined that moment too didn’t she?  She’s like his own personal Ysalamiri. 

He’s not even in the film, he had no interviews to give, nothing to sell - he had the opportunity to simply go as a fan like many others did.  And given his recent LL plug - take a fucking lightsaber with him and have fun with it!

Srsly?  The headlines would have been “Benedict finally gets that lightsaber for Christmas!”  Instead, we got a description and details of the designer duds they were wearing.  Sigh!  And the only Marvel link - his hair colour, and half those mentions for some reason had to mention hers too.  What. The.  Fry. It would seem his main occupation these days (when he’s not trying to make fetch happen for Rachel) is to sell designer clothes, and have his tool and asset sell women’s designer clothes - for that he might as well take a mannequin with him, sometimes it looks like he has.

I didn’t sign up for that.  I signed up for DorkyBatch.  I quite like Sherlock.  I even didn’t mind STiD.  But I signed up for DorkyBatch.  And do you know when I signed up for DorkyBatch?  When he did the Chewbacca roar on the GN Show and impressed Harrison Ford.  That’s the moment I fully paid attention to his dorkiness, it was endorsed by Han Solo after all. 

I did NOT sign up for BeigeBatch the Boring and his Dismal CoatHanger clothes shiller to the side of him.

And Harrison himself has now officially side-eyed the shamwow.  Says a lot.  

I didn’t care one iota if the dude found a gal (and for the record, a guy if that’s the case) and got married, had kids, whatevers.  I fully expected when that happened for the dude to float on air and be even more of a happy chappy.  The secret girlfriend rumour was a fun little mystery to solve.  I like solving mysteries.  ;)

But no.  Someone decided he needed a re-brand.  Someone decided to Beige him, squish him into the “English Gent” mould and park him next to an “English Rose” (who as it turns out, is anything but) and have him go thru every major positive life milestone in one awards season, perfectly timed to each promo/voting event.   Bit obvious that.  And while we’re at it - might as well shill some clothes.   And the solution to the mystery?  Did not fit the clues, and that begged questions …  and it turns out a hell of a lot of lies got thrown around.  I don’t like being lied to.   I also don’t like having a pretentious dilettante shoved down my throat as if she’s the second coming since sliced bread, because she’s not - more lies.   

So here we are.  This RC has been the most disappointing.  And not just for me.  I’m seeing a hell of a lot of “Sayonara Admiral Douchecanoe” happening.  Not just skeptics (closet or otherwise), but regular fans and one or two nans.  Last straw?  He goes to the fucking STAR WARS premiere and acts like his puppy just died.   Bit not good that.  Boring as fuck is what that is.

I’m seeing a lot of “brand failure” moments and folk saying they’ll stick around for the skeptics, but they (and this is the kicker PR) DO NOT WANT TO PAY for any more of his shit.  Same here.  I will not be paying to see Dr Strange, I most definitely will NOT be paying to see the Spesh, every new bit that comes out is more dreary than the last, and it’s more than a bit of an obvious cash grab.   War Magician will just make me mad if they present Jasper’s lies as fact.  The Current War?  Like a lot of folk, I’ll only see that if it’s about Tesla, and it’s not.   Hollow Crown?  It’s Shakespeare, I barely got thru Hamlet - as I’ve said, not a fan.  And I’m particularly not a fan of how RIII is depicted by Shakes, so that’s a no.   

I have better things to spend my time and money on.  So please excuse me while I say “Benedict who?”, slap down some moolah, and put a quite happy and giddy bum in a seat …  you see there’s this STAR WARS movie out that is (despite Benedict being meh about it) something that is wicked more exciting than some stupid fucked up showmance that destroyed what was a fun dude to follow.    

Makes lightsaber and blaster noises and runs off …