it kind of blew my mind a little because it was something i never considered

Talker

Title: Talker

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Reader

Type: Platonic | Romantic | Familial | Other

Warnings: profanity, angst omg, thats it??

Summary: in which Richie will keep talking until someone remembers him.


You’d spent your life searching for love.

You searched for it in your house - between cracked mirrors and dusty mantels and air thick with wine and yelling, but you couldn’t find it there. You searched for it between the pressed pages of your library books, in the cassettes that drowned out the yells in early hours of the morning, in the pencils arranged and re-arranged in colour order like a set of toy soldiers lining your desk, but you couldn’t find it there, either.

In fact, you found it in the place you least expected.

You knew ordinary people loved the most simple, ordinary things - flowers and cakes and clothes, a song or a poem or the stars on a clear night. But none of it seemed to work for you. You wanted something that made you feel so fiercely that you felt it with ever fibre of your beings - something that made you ache and sore at the same time, the perfect blend of pain and euphoria.

But love wasn’t a stew simmering in a pot, and you couldn’t find it in a thing.

You found it in a person - and that person was the one you’d least expect.

Richie Tozier was, dare you say, nefarious in Derry. His loud mouth got him into trouble often, and he seemed to spend more time in class doodling absently with a pen lid in his mouth, blowing spitballs or flipping off other students loudly - and yet, inexplicably, the straight A’s on his report card practically glowed through the envelope at the end of semester. You’d never paid much mind to him - you had little time for trashmouths, save for the odd “shut up, Richie,” when he made a passing remark at you in the hallway.

So, you two had spoken before. But you’d never talked, not in a real way.

Not until you found him curled against his porch bannister at midnight, freezing cold with his chin buried in his knees.

At first, you hesitated to even go up to him. But he looked so very lost at that moment, your empathy got the better of you. So, slightly against your better judgement, you cautiously made your way over to the half-asleep boy, who had still failed to notice you.

“Richie?” you called timidly, and he started violently - clearly you’d just jerked him from a heavy half-slumber, but as soon as he saw you, his face cracked into a wide smile.

“Hey there, sweetcheeks,” he countered cheekily, stumbling to his feet. “What’re you doing here?”

You shrugged. “Just…passing through. Why are you on the porch?”

Richie suddenly seemed to remember where he was. “Oh.” He kicked the decking with his sneakers. “Just… got locked out.”

“Aren’t your parents home?” you inquired with a frown, making further forward before stopping at the porch.

Richie laughed, a sound slightly too bitter to be considered genuine. “Yeah, uh… they’re the ones who locked me out.”

“Oh. Sorry.” There didn’t seem to be much else to say, much as you wanted to come up with something. “Are you… okay?”

“Me? Never better, Bubs!” He brushed off your concern like a dust speck, that wide smile ever-present. “I just love it out here, y’know? Freezing my balls of is, personally, the highlight of my night. Other than talking to all the pretty girls cruising through my neighbourhood.” He sent a wink at you, to which you rolled your eyes.

“But…” you chewed your lip. “They’re not gonna leave you out here all night, right?”

He scoffed. “Nah - no way. Mom’ll be out in an hour or two to throw out the empty wine bottles and I can probably sneak in, like, incognito. Like a ninja.”

You laughed, despite yourself, and Richie seemed to swell with some kind of self-assurance. “Okay, well - I should head home. If you’re sure you’re gonna be okay?”

“Hey, if you’re looking for an excuse to stay, look no further!” His arms splayed out wildly before flopping back to his sides. Rolling your eyes again, you backed out of the driveway and clambered aboard your bike again.

“Later, Tozier,” you said in goodbye.

“Only if I’m lucky, sweet thang,” he replied with a pretty terrible accent of something that sounded like it was supposed to be Western, and you grinned to yourself in the dark as you started up the pedals.

You didn’t see the way his smile slipped as your bike took off down the dark road, as the silence filled the street, and as he sank back down onto his porch, a scared little boy once again.

After all, if Richie wasn’t talking, what was he good for?


—————


The next time you talked to Richie Tozier was when you found him in the girls’ toilets - and not in the context you’d expect.

He was crouched in the end stall - or, to you at that time, the only toilet not blocked by paper towels. Awkwardly, you reached for the door and knocked.

“Hey, um - sorry, are you almost done in there? All the others toilets are blocked,” you explained gingerly. There was no reply, but you heard breath hitch in a throat.

You bent down to glimpse through the gap at the bottom of the stall, and a pair of feet stared back at you - bright stripy socks, clad in black sneakers with the soles almost completely torn off, and most definitely not belonging to a girl.

“What the fuck?” you muttered, before rapping on the door. “Who’s in there?”

“Don’t freak out,” came the muffled reply, and you frowned as the lock clicked open. The frown turned to shock as the door edged open, and the brown eye of Richie Tozier stared balefully out at you, magnified by his thick red glasses.

Tozier?” You gaped at him. “Jesus Christ - I should’ve known.”

“No, hey! Hey, it’s not like that!” he protested in a harsh whisper. “I - I’m hiding from Bowers and his army of fuckwads, alright?”

“Don’t you think a girl’s toilet is the first place they’ll look for you?” you countered drily. The brown eye widened affront.

“That’s fucking mean.”

You grinned. “I saw Bowers five minutes ago on the art block, laying into that Bible kid in second grade, alright? You’re good for now.”

“Really?” The door edged open, leaving Richie looking sheepish and out-of-place, with his garishly-bright, untucked shirt, head of messy curls and shabby sneakers, against the bland, placid toilet cubicle around him.

“Mm,” you hummed in affirmation. Richie blew out his cheeks in relief, nervously knocking his glasses back up his nose.

“Thanks,” he proffered, and the word felt odd in his voice, almost like he rarely said it.

“Don’t worry about it.” Your eyes were suddenly drawn to a discoloured patch of skin peeking over the hem of his grey undershirt. The hue of dying flowers, the bruise loomed over at you, ugly and fist-shaped, and you winced despite yourself. “Bowers give you that?”

“Wha-” His fingers skittered down to his collar, yanking up his shirt to shield the bruise from view. “Hockstetter,” he muttered after, letting his arms hang limp at his sides. “Dickwad. All because I told him he had ever venereal disease known to mankind, too!”

A giggle leapt from your mouth. “I’d have socked you too.”

Richie looks at you sharply, before the annoyance splinters and he dredges up a weak smile. He hauls himself onto the sinks, apparently getting comfy.

“To be fair, I only said it to keep him from laying into Bill,” the bespectacled boy continued thoughtfully. “You’d think the day he came to school after Georgie went missing, Hockstetter would be less of a bitchbag, but I guess not. Long story short, Hockstetter’s a sadist, Bill was pretty fucking sad, and I got mouthy, and then I got decked. God’s balance of nature is pretty mesmerising.”

You looked at Richie then - really looked at him, under the mask he wore with a huge painted smile under porcelain eyes, and you saw him. You saw a boy who’s mouth ran faster than his brain, who’s jokes unravelled quickly to the black bitterness at their core. And it was sad.

“I think-” You cleared your throat. “I think that was really good of you.”

Richie glanced at you in surprise, then began swinging his legs absently. “Thanks, I guess.”

Your small smile slipped as Richie suddenly swung down from the sink with extravagant vigour, landing with a flourish at your feet. “And, next up on Richiana Jones, he takes Greta Bowie and Belch Huggins’ ugly heads and - WHAM - the force of the two idiots colliding is too great for our cosmic universe.”

He kept at it until you were laughing, laughing so hard you had to hold the sink for purchase and your throat was aching. When you finally subsided with a giggle and a hiccup, Richie was beaming as if he’d accomplished the greatest feat in the world - and then the guilt slid over you, hot and cold and burning.

You’d given him just what he wanted. For a second, you’d seen beneath his mask, touched the skin beneath the cool plastic - and he’d hated it, hated how it made him shudder and ache for more. And so the only way was to make you laugh. You had a nice laugh, anyway. Not like most people. When they laughed, it was to be pretty, or seem clever or fun or humorous. You laughed with your whole body.

You swallowed, feeling the smile slide off your face like oil over water. “You don’t have to do that,” you mumbled.

“Do what? Because I personally think a snake bite to the dick would do Criss some good-”

That, Richie! You’re doing it now. It’s okay to… let people care about you every once in a while!”

He blinked, eyes huge and wounded behind his glasses. When he spoke, his voice was smaller than you’d ever heard it. “I just like making people laugh.”

You sighed. “Because you’re terrified everyone will forget you if you don’t. You’ll just keep talking until someone remembers you, won’t you, Tozier?”

You’d hit on a truth like a lightning bolt - Richie was horrified to feel the prick of tears at the corners of his eyes, and you watched with a heavy chest as he scrubbed furiously at his cheeks.

“I gotta go,” he mumbled, shoving past you none too gently. You almost let him, but at the last second, your hand shot out, closing over his wrist.

“You don’t. You don’t have to run.”

He turned back to face you. “It’s just… stupid. I feel like I have to try so fucking hard, even with my friends, y’know? But it’s like, they’ll move on eventually. They’ll find someone less annoying, less loud, less unpredictable and good ol’ Richie Tozier’ll find himself right back where he started.”

He squeaked embarrassingly loud as you suddenly pulled him close in a hug. He flailed feebly, arms waving like an octopus in distress - and then he caved, letting your warmth soak through his clothes, letting his breathing fall into step with yours, burying his chin on your shoulder.

“I’m scared,” he whispered, and he hated how pathetic it sounded as it left his mouth.

You hugged him fiercely. Your eyes were wet. “I know,” you whispered, and you felt the first wet drop of tears on your shoulder.

anonymous asked:

Mini prompt if ur taking any: high school /college au! Steve is in art class and he just opened a cupboard to find a tiny tony squished inside who just looked at him and said “shh i’m hiding. I may or may not have blown up the chem labs”

For the record, Steve had only wanted to finish his project.


It had been a long week. He was tired. It was cold. Bucky and Natasha had just gotten (back) together, which meant every night for the past 8 days had been….loud. To sum it all up, he was in a pretty piss-poor mood.

So when Steve heard a dull thud from the supply cupboard, paired with a muffled yell of ‘fuck, paint, fuck, everywhere, son of a whore-”, Steve figured his bad week was just about to get worse. 


Fucking horny teens. Sex in the store cupboard, really? Steve needed to use that, dammit.


Shutting his eyes and letting his head fall against the desk for a moment, he briefly contemplated his life and whether or not he really needed to stay in college, before standing upright. He’d just go in there and tell them to fuck off. Maybe make them pay for whatever damn paint they sounded like they’d spilled all over themselves. That would be fun.

There was another dull crash, and then what sounded like paintbrushes clattering to the floor as the cursing continued. Steve huffed irritably, marching forward. He was pretty much the sole user of the tiny studio, and so he usually ended up purchasing and ordering that stock cupboard all on his own. And now there was someone fucking in there-

“My eyes are shut, so you better put your dick away in the next five seconds and look really goddamn sorry by the time I’ve opened them again, or I’m gonna be so pissed,” he declared, yanking open the door whilst his spare hand covered his eyes.

There was a short silence, and then “Uh, do people usually get their dicks out in this paint cabinet? Is this some sort of exhibitionist trend I’m missing out on?”

Steve frowned, peeking through a crack in his fingers, just for a second. The frown deepened when he saw no-one, but as he glanced downward, he spotted a guy, crouched on his haunches. He was the only person there, and his dick was very much covered.

Steve pulled his hand away, staring. He looked like he was in the process of picking up a stack of paintbrushes from the floor, and he was covered in…glitter? And green paint?

“Yes, I know, I am a disaster,” the boy muttered, running a hand through his green hair, “in my defence, the stocking system in this cupboard is very unreliable.”

“Hey,” Steve folded his arms, offended, “This a perfectly stacked cupboard. It’s a good system.”

“There was no room for my elbows to navigate without spillage of the paints! They should obviously be on the bottom shelf.”

“It’s not catered to short people,” Steve snapped, “it doesn’t bump against my elbows.”

There was another silence, and then an offended huff. “I’m not short. I’m above average, actually.”

“Why are you even here?” Steve asked incredulously, looking at him hard. He didn’t recognise the guy- and it was with a little jolt somewhere just under his stomach that he realised he definitely would have remembered a face like that if he’d seen it around. “You’re not- you’re not an art student.”

“No, but the arts block is like, the furthest away from the labs on the other side of campus, and so it may stand a chance of being just out of reach of Fury’s senses. I hope,” he explained with a wave of his hand, like that made things any clearer, “anyway- amusing as it was to hear, may I ask why the first thing you said to me was an order for me to put my dick away?”

Steve made a little noise in the back of his throat, blushing. “You think this is the first time I’ve caught people getting handsy in my cupboard?”

“Ooh, your cupboard, is it?” The boy grinned, leaning a shoulder against one of the shelves. How he managed to make that look flirtatious, whilst covered in green paint and purple sparkles, was rather a mystery to Steve. “Didn’t know people could claim store cupboards now.”

“I pay for all the stuff in here and stock it myself-” he shot a glare at the boy, who just looked a little sheepish, “so yeah, I’d say it was mine. And you- you just come in here and mess it all up and get paint everywhere, and I’m not-”

They both stopped when they heard the banging of doors being flung open down the corridor, and Steve watched as the boy’s eyes widened. “Uh oh,” he said ominously, “okay, cupboard monitor, shut the door and pretend you never saw a thing.”

Steve paused, looking incredulous. “What? What are you even- I have no idea what is even happening-”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” the boy rolled his eyes as he whispered, and then before Steve could even finish, hands were grabbing at his collar and tugging him into the darkness of the cramped cupboard. He swore in surprise, feeling the boy lean over him and shut the door behind them with a quiet click. “You’re really terrible at reacting quickly, aren’t you?” He whispered.

Steve opened his mouth, and was surprised to find a hand immediately cover it. It was stupidly cramped in there for two people, and so Steve felt the boy, right up against him. “Pretty pretty please just be quiet, for like, 6 seconds.”

Steve, completely baffled by that point, just nodded. The hand was still over his mouth.

They both listened as the footsteps got louder, and then another nearer bang as the door to Steve’s studio was flung open.

The boy bit his lip and winced, fingers curling tighter into Steve’s jacket for a second. Steve just stood there, wide-eyed, wondering who the fuck appeared to be hunting for the person in front of him.

“Goddamn it, Stark, you can’t run forever,” came a gruff growl, and then they heard the door shut with a slam and footsteps fade down the corridor.

The boy- Stark- breathed out, and drew his hand away from Steve’s mouth. “Phew, that was close,” he said quietly, giving Steve an absent pat on the cheek, “well done for not giving us both away immediately, by the way.”

“I can react quickly,” Steve burst out defensively, “I can. You just- caught me off guard.”

Stark raised an eyebrow. He was very close in the cupboard- Steve could only see the vague outlines of his face in the darkness, but the initial image he’d seen upon throwing open the door had been somewhat burned into his mind, so it was easy to image what he looked like. “Sure you can, cupcake.”

Steve watched him, frown creasing his forehead. Stark didn’t seem unduly scared, and when Steve had seen him, he didn’t look all that injured. But that didn’t exactly explain why there appeared to be someone doing their best to hunt him down. 

“Do you need help?” He asked in the end, cocking his head a little, “Do you- if someone’s after you, I can make them go away. Not like- not in the murdery sort of way, but- uh- I mean, if someone’s threatening you or something, me and my friends are good at- that. ‘That’ being making them fuck off, obviously, not the threatening stuff, why would you want me to threaten you too, that would be dumb-”

He broke away when he heard s soft tinker of laughter underneath his chin. It was a nice laugh. Very melodic. “You’d do that for a guy who just broke into your store cupboard and held you hostage there?”

“I’d do that for anyone who needed it,” Steve said, shrugging, “I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of it, that’s all.”

He felt Stark’s eyes scour up and down his body, then, and guessed the face he was wearing looked pretty disbelieving, so he he added “I didn’t always used to be so…”

“Tall?” Stark said helpfully, and Steve nodded. “Yeah. Tall.”

Stark grinned, and Steve saw the white of his teeth. “Well, I’d really love for you to knock on Dean Fury’s door and punch him out, but I feel like that would be asking too much of someone I only met two minutes ago. Also the manhunt is, perhaps, ever so slightly justified.”

Steve opened his mouth, and then shut it with a clack. He cocked his head, looking down at Stark and re-folding his arms. “Why the fuck is Dean Fury hunting you down?”

Stark looked a little guilty, feet shuffling on the floor. “Uh. Well. You see- there was a very very slight incident with some flammable chemicals and an unsuspecting laboratory a few hours ago. No one was harmed, except Bruce’s pizza, so I guess I’m also hiding from him too. But- hmm, how do I put this- the lab has sadly reached its untimely demise?” he finished with a nod.

Steve paused. “So you blew up a lab,” he said eventually.

“I’m going to get them a new one, obviously.”

Steve wondered how much an entirely new lab would cost. “Obviously,” he repeated dryly, “and you’re going to buy me some new paint. And then tell me how excellent my stacking skills are.”

Stark smiled again. “Darling, I may be an arsonist, but I’m no liar.”

Steve huffed, shaking his head. He realised absently, that they were both still pressed together in the darkness of the store cupboard. And just like that, suddenly all the horny teens who fucked in broom closets didn’t seem quite so stupid after all. In fact, Steve thought they were onto something. That was- yeah, he could certainly consider that, in the future. Or now. Whatever.

“I,” Steve declared, hand jumping to the door handle and twisting it hastily, because they were definitely not the kind of thoughts he should be having about a total stranger, “am too tired for this.”

Stark raised his eyebrows and blinked as light flooded into the room. Steve remembered the paint when the guy’s hair pretty much assaulted him with colour. “And you should probably shower,” he added.

Stark looked upward, fingers playing with some neon strands and then letting the paint drip on his fingers. There was a second in which he just stared at it, and then the fingers jerked forward and pressed into his cheek, smearing green across his face. 

Steve yelped in surprise. “Hey!” 

“Now you need a shower too,” Stark shrugged, swaying forward on his feet and grinning up at Steve, “how about we save water and share one?”

Steve sputtered. Stark just looked at him with a little smirk on his face and a light in his eye. “I-” God, that offer sounded good right now, “I actually have a project that I- I can’t afford to put it off any longer.” He sighed, waving a hand over to the half drawn sketch covering his canvas and steadfastly refusing to turn and face it, lest he be bombarded with the physical representation of all the crushing pressure he was currently doing his best not to think about.

Stark peered over his shoulder, leaning in again as he did so. Steve could smell paint and coffee. “How long is it going to take, do you think?” He asked curiously.

Steve shrugged. “Too fucking long, that’s for sure.”

Stark looked as if he was debating his options. His eyes flickered over to the door, but then landed back on Steve. “Well,” he pulled a face, “it’s not like I’m gonna be doing much other than being yelled at once I leave, so I might as well stay and keep you company.” A pause, and then “That’s- that’s alright, right? You’re not secretly screaming at me to leave you alone in your head right now?”

Steve chuckled. “No screaming. You- I’d like you to stay, You seem like you have excess energy. I could use some of that right now.”

“What, you just gonna absorb the energy via osmosis?” Stark jumped backward onto one of the desks and swung his legs, leaning forward and grinning up at Steve. He really was beautiful- if a little green.

An usual burst of bravery overcoming him, Steve leaned down and took Stark’s face in his hands, kissing him softly. Underneath him, he heard a little noise fall from the other boy’s mouth, but he caught on quickly, hands going around Steve’s waist and pulling him in close.

Steve pulled away, placing an extra peck on his lips for good luck. “There,” he said with a smile, “I’m feeling more energised already.”

Between his hands, he felt the smile as Stark laughed. “Wow- smooth talking, handsome, it’s a wonder you’ve not been snatched up already,” he mused through his little bursts of laughter.

“My name’s Steve,” he stroked a thumb over the cheekbone that was covered in a patch of glitter. He stopped for a moment, and then shrugged. “Although sugar’s fine too.”

Another laugh. Steve was fast beginning to develop a bit of an addiction to that laugh. He wanted to hear it more, far more. “I’m Tony,” was the response he got, “Tony Stark.”

“Do you usually set off explosions and then run from the consequences of said explosions, Tony Stark?” Steve murmured, tilting his head and letting his hands slip around the back of Tony’s neck.

Tony’s fingers grasped at Steve’s shirt and pulled him down for another kiss. “Wanna find out?” he breathed when they broke away for a second, and Steve did, apparently- very much so, if the hands that curled into Tony’s hair and the mouth that worked open Tony’s own was anything to go by.

“Mmf,” Steve said, in a mixture between a moan of pleasure and irritation, “you’re getting paint all over me and I really, really need to- hmmm, God- work. This is very distracting,” he muttered, making no efforts to break away as he leaned forward and curled his hands under Tony’s thighs, pulling him as close as he’d get before falling off the edge of the desk entirely.

Tony giggled. Fuck, Steve had known him for five minutes, why was that laugh making him feel so stupid and pleased for- “I’l pay off your professor and make them give you an A,” he said seriously, peppering kisses across Steve’s throat, and fuck, okay, yeah, Steve was… the project wasn’t going to get finished tonight, not now Tony had come in and seduced him with his stupid painted green hair and ripped jeans and mouth, goddamn it, Steve was only human.

He’d just finish the project tomorrow. Yeah. He’d have time.

“They won’t ever think to search for you in the apartment of some random art major,” Steve breathed, and Tony made approving noises underneath him, “I’d just like to say, though, that I deny all plausible accountability if you get caught.”

“Oh, baby,” Tony pulled on his earlobe with his teeth, and Steve felt his breath hitch and his eyes roll, whoops, yeah, he’d probably not be able to finish the fucking project for days after this- too distracted by the goddamn memory, stupid Tony, “cruel words- throwing me to the wolves so easily? After all we’ve been through?”

“I met you five minutes ago.”

Tony waved a hand, “and we’ve bonded irredeemably. No going back now, Steve, if I go down, you’re coming with me.”

Steve smiled, curling his hand around Tony’s jaw again. “You know what, I don’t think I’d mind that all too much,” he admitted, before making a face, “although I could do without the green paint and glitter.”

“You’re just not imaginative enough,” Tony rolled his eyes and leaned back, “how far away is your place?”

“Depends how legally we get there.”

“I’m already a fugitive- might as well go all out,” Tony slid his hand into Steve’s pocket and squeezed, and Steve barely resisted the urge to just lean over him and get his pants of right there on the fucking desk, God, there was paint everywhere, why was this not horribly gross?

“Two minutes, then,” Steve answered, searching blindly for Tony’s hand and then locking their fingers together, “come on.”

Tony jumped off the desk enthusiastically, and Steve tugged them out the door, both of them giggling like five-year-olds as they ran through the corridors and hid from any professors that might be out for Tony. Which happened to be all of them. 

“They’re all under Fury’s web of control,” Tony whispered conspiratorially into Steve’s ear, a hand curled around his shoulder as he peered around the corner and watched a professor wander innocently over to the water cooler, “look at him. Look at that plotting face. They’re all out for me, Steve, all of them.”

Steve just rolled his eyes and pulled Tony out the door. After some heavy making out against the wall (Tony said it was because physical affection made people uncomfortable and so wouldn’t look at them, but Steve just thought he was a handsy bastard. Not that he was complaining, mind.) and a brief detour to the nearest corner store to buy cereal, Steve finally got them both back to his apartment.

Bucky looked up as he walked in with Tony, and his eyebrows shot up. Tony winked. Steve just looked smug and gave him a salute, before pushing Tony into his room.


Time to show him how it felt to be on the other end of those thin walls.

sirikenobi167  asked:

How would you describe Dean and Castiel's relationship over the course of the seasons? (and how did it evolve?) I've been thinking about this a bit over the last few days (my current headcanon is that Castiel fell in love with Dean somewhere in season 6, and Dean fell in love with Castiel in season 8).

Hi, dear! Wow. This is a very interesting and challenging question. I hope I can do it justice. Buckle up because this is gonna be a hell of a long post! I’ll give you my interpretation in the most canonical way possible.

In season 4, Dean and Castiel were reluctant allies. They weren’t friends, at least not at first. But this was the season Cas started to see for himself that Dean was a good man and that Heaven wasn’t pure anymore. Finding out that some of his brothers and sisters had been corrupted and seeing Dean trying to do the right thing made Cas have even more doubts and questions than he already had on his own. This was the season when Cas’ superiors began to question his sympathies because he was getting too close to Dean and was starting to express emotions (doorways to doubt). I don’t think that means Cas was falling in love with Dean or anything like that. I think Cas started to consider Dean more righteous than Heaven, and therefore, his obedience to Heaven could falter, which actually happened. Dean, on the other hand, had problems to believe in angels and hated the guts of Castiel at the beginning. He couldn’t understand why or how he was rescued by an Angel of the Lord, and he definitely didn’t want to do Heaven’s bidding. It was this season when Dean started to realize that Cas was different, that deep down he cared, that he was not a “hammer” because he questioned his orders and even disobeyed Heaven to help him (in 4x18). This was the season when Cas first rebelled against Heaven even after he was dragged back to “Bible camp” (and we learned four seasons later that brainwashing and resetting an angel was a cruel and painful procedure). This was the season Dean started to see they were really making the story up as they went.

In season 5, Dean and Castiel became friends. Cas rebelled against Heaven for Dean (and Sam). He did his best to keep Dean and Sam away from the other angels who just wanted them to say yes to Michael and Lucifer. This was the season when they went from allies to friends. Dean and Cas helped each other in their missions, reluctantly, but they did. Dean helped Cas in his search for God; Cas helped Dean when trying to kill Lucifer with the Colt. Both missions failed horribly, both of them thought the other’s plan was pointless, but they helped anyway. This was the season when Dean got sent to 2014 and realized that his fucked-up, poisonous self could destroy even an angel like Cas. This was when he realized Cas would follow him anywhere, and he probably didn’t know how to feel about it. For Cas, this was the season when he totally lost faith in God and learned to have faith in Dean. Angels were created to love and have faith in the Lord, and they associated love with faith for default. When he started to have more faith in Dean than in God, he somehow started to love Dean more than he loved his Father. In 5x21, when Cas realized Dean said no to Michael, he apologized to Dean for doubting him, and I think that was the moment Cas’ faith in Dean became unbreakable. And so did his love for the righteous man. At this point, Cas’ love for Dean wasn’t romantic. Dean became his role-model. He put Dean up in the altar where his Father used to be, and he loved him deeply, as one of God’s best creations. When season 5 ended, Cas cared about Dean a lot more than Dean cared about Cas. As friends, brothers-in-arms, they parted ways once the war was over. Cas wanted to see Dean happy, but he still felt he belonged in Heaven and liked the idea that God had brought him back to life (for a second time now) to fix things up there. Dean, on the other hand, saw Cas leave and probably thought he wasn’t gonna see the angel ever again. He had other pressing matters, anyway. Sam in the pit, for example.

In season 6, Dean and Cas became a dysfunctional family. Before going back to Heaven, Cas rescued Sam from the pit to give Dean the grand prize he was asking for at the end of 5x22. However, he didn’t know he’d left Sam’s soul behind and the whole thing blew up in his face later on. He thought he could set things right in Heaven, but he wasn’t expecting Raphael to have totally different plans. When he realized he wasn’t strong enough to defeat Raphael, he went to Dean to look for help, but once Cas saw him living his apparently happy and peaceful life, he couldn’t pull Dean back in. Crowley took advantage of the moment and managed to convince Cas to work with him. It’s totally true that Cas did a lot of regrettable things in season 6 and that he lied a lot, but everything he did was for Dean and because of Dean; everything was in the name of that profound bond he thought he shared with Dean. On the other hand, Dean, who was raised in an environment of neglect and abuse, and therefore considered that kind of behavior “normal” in a family, started to treat Cas in a very poor way. As I said in another post:

[Dean] only called Cas when he needed something and didn’t really care about anything that was happening to Cas. That’s what Castiel perceived. He loved the Winchesters a lot, especially Dean, but he somehow thought he couldn’t really count on them. “Of course. Your problems always come first,” Cas told Dean in 6x07. “It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?”, Cas asked in 6x20. These two jerks really had communication issues at that time. Cas didn’t ask Dean for help at first because he didn’t want to disturb Dean’s apparently peaceful life, and he didn’t ask for help later because it was already too late (the deal was already made) and because anyway, he kind of thought Dean didn’t give a damn about his civil war. Dean was so worried about Sam and “the job” that he never cared to ask Cas if he needed anything. Probably because he thought an angel was so powerful, he didn’t need help. But also because the Winchesters are not exactly the most helpful people to their closest ones. Remember how Bobby didn’t get any help from Dean and Sam in 6x04 until he finally asked for it (and called them “self-absorbed”)? What was the boys’ reaction? “Bobby, all you gotta do is ask.” The whole speech Bobby gave them in that episode showed how the boys didn’t really give a second thought to other people’s problems. It was not because they didn’t love those people, it was just because that was the Winchester way. Dean didn’t know how to listen to Cas, how to offer help, how to empathize. And Cas didn’t know how to ask for help, how to consider that he might not be in a righteous path, how to doubt himself. I guess the “Next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family” Dean said in 6x20 came too little, too late for Cas at that point.

Cas desperately wanted Dean to have faith in him, but Dean didn’t. In Cas’ notebook, that meant Dean didn’t love him (no matter if he said Cas was family or that he would have died for Cas). Castiel had to finish what he had started. To defeat Raphael, he made very bad decisions. The ends justified the means, so he hurt Sam in the process. Castiel was disappointed. Nobody had faith in him, nobody loved him. That’s why he told Dean “You’re not my family” in 6x22, and that’s probably why the first thing he said as Godstiel was “You will bow down and profess your love unto me.”

In season 7, Dean and Cas had to reconstruct their relationship.  I’ll quote myself from another post:

Season7!Dean had so much going on in that head of his. I don’t think Dean had feelings for Cas at that point. When Dean said that Cas was like a brother to him in 6x20, I believe he really meant it. However, the guilt, anger and frustration Dean felt toward Castiel was drowning him little by little. Guilt because maybe if he had just listened, if he had said something, if he had been less self-centered, he could have saved Cas and prevented the whole Purgatory souls fiasco. Anger because how could Cas betray him? How could Cas break Sam’s wall? How could Cas lie to him? How could Cas die without giving him the chance to say everything he had to say? Frustration because he had to clean up Cas’ mess, because Cas was gone, because he had lost his best friend. It was so much for such a complex person as Dean that he couldn’t move on and dealt with all that the best way he could: drinking. When Dean found Emmanuel, everything that I just mentioned came crushing to his mind. Just add another frustration item: Cas didn’t even remember him. The frustration list just got bigger and bigger: Cas going kinda insane; Cas refusing to fight; Cas behaving like a little child. And the only method to deal with things like these Dean has known all his life is to lash out. That’s how he communicates. He learned it from John Winchester and has used that lots of times with Sam. He needed to take it all out, to yell at Cas in order to move on and start the healing process, the forgiving process (because he really wanted to fix things with Cas, he just didn’t know how to), but Castiel was denying him even that. Poor Dean! At this point, I felt sorry for both, Dean and Cas, because I could really empathize with both.

Cas realized too late that he’d made a huge mistake and before dying all he wanted to do was Dean’s forgiveness and make things right. He was absent most of season 7, and when he reappeared and remembered who he really was, he felt extremely guilty. Taking Sam’s pain was the only thing he could do to make things right. If drinking was Dean’s coping mechanism, staying away from all sorts of violence was Cas’ once he woke up in 7x21. Dean needed Cas to take out Dick Roman, and Cas agreed to help (and even protected Dean when the time came) because he wanted to show Dean gratitude for the faith he was showing him when he told him “I’d rather have you, cursed or not”. Faith equals love. Was that a “note of forgiveness”?

In season 8, Dean and Cas weren’t on the same page regarding their feelings. It was in Purgatory, the place that felt pure, where Dean realized that no matter what Cas had done, no matter what had happened, he loved his angel. He cared about him so much that he wasn’t going to leave Purgatory without him. In season 6, he was a shitty, selfish friend, but he wasn’t going to make the same mistake again. He needed to find Cas and take him home, where they could start over. It was in Purgatory where Dean understood he preferred a life of constant hiding, running for dear life, and killing instead of a life on Earth without Cas. He knew that if everything he suffered during the year Cas was gone was terrifying, the guilt he would feel about leaving his friend without even trying to look for him was definitely going to kill him. When he finally found Cas and realized that Cas had left him alone to try to protect him from the Leviathans, he decided to tell Cas how much he cared. He told him “I need you” and “I’m not leaving here without you”. Dean didn’t need Cas to be able to get out. He just needed Cas to be with him, and he wanted Cas to understand it. Cas, of course, understood, but he felt too much shame and guilt to consider the possibility of leaving Purgatory, so he just made sure he got Dean out.

Leaving Purgatory without Cas was so painful to Dean that he had to change the memory of what happened so he could blame himself. Once Castiel was back, even though Dean was suspicious of how he got out of Purgatory, he wasn’t about to make the same mistakes he’d made before. He was all “talk to me” with Cas. He wanted to make sure Cas was OK. He wanted to prove that he cared. No matter how shady Cas was, Dean still prayed to him. He still poured his heart out to Cas. Even when Cas was about to kill him, he didn’t fight back. He just reminded Cas that he was family, that they needed him, that HE needed him.

On the other hand, Cas was brainwashed into killing thousands of fake Deans so he would be ready to do Heaven’s bidding without interference from the elder Winchester. It took for the real Dean to say “I need you” to break the connection between Cas and Naomi’s mind control, but when Dean asked him what broke the connection, Cas honestly didn’t know what to answer. Unfortunately, there wasn’t time for Cas to analyze what had happened. There were more pressing matters, like the angel tablet. Cas wanted to make things right and got fooled by Metatron in the process.

At this point, I’m fairly sure Dean already understood he loved Cas. All season 7 Dean couldn’t understand why he couldn’t move past what Cas had done. In Purgatory he was free enough to say “I love you” in the Winchester way: “I need you.” He’s told Cas “I need you” a lot of times. Why? Because Dean Winchester is not really with the whole love and… love, so he says the next best thing. The question is what kind of love does Dean feel for Cas? I’m sure that’s something Dean doesn’t want to understand. He’s gotten hints from his family that he should try to understand his feelings for Cas (“he’s dreamy”, Charlie said; “because it’s Cas”, Sammy said), but he didn’t really get it, and even if he did, it didn’t matter anyway because his angel was going home.

In season 9, Dean and Cas weren’t on the same page regarding their feelings AGAIN. But this time it was Cas’ turn to start to understand. Castiel, angel of the Lord, has loved Dean Winchester since he decided to have faith in him. Faith equals love. However, I don’t think Cas understood what kind of love he felt for Dean. That’s why he couldn’t answer the “what broke the connection” question. HE DIDN’T KNOW. He had to be human to be able to understand that he can love his brothers and sisters, humanity, Sam and Dean, but each love is different. His love for humanity is agape. His love for his brothers and sisters is storge. His love for Sam is between storge and philia, but what about his love for Dean? I’m ready to bet it’s eros, but Cas didn’t know that before. (ETA: For more info on the kind of love Cas has for Dean and why I think eros is involved, you can read this). That’s why the PB&J conversation between Cas and Sam in 9x11 was so important. Being an angel, Cas has the physical capacity to eat or even drink liquor, but he can’t enjoy things the same way a human does. That’s why it’s been emphasized that emotions and even simple things like flavors are human things. I think it wasn’t until 9x06 that Cas realized he was in love with Dean. What about Dean? Well, 9x06 was probably the moment he realized he was in love with Cas, too, but this time it was Dean’s turn to let Cas live a normal and peaceful life.

Cas’ weakness was revealed in 9x22: he’s in love… with humanity. But, of course, everybody (Hannah, Metatron, and Dean himself) agreed that Cas sacrificed everything for just one man, to protect Dean Winchester.

In season 10, Dean and Castiel need to figure out what they want. They both don’t know. They both want more but are too afraid to go for it. Dean thinks he’s gonna die soon, but he acknowledges there’s people, feelings that he wants to experience differently or maybe for the first time. He has no doubts that Cas loves him. If he had any, he lost them after Cas gave up an entire army for him. Cas doesn’t know what he is anymore. He doesn’t belong in Heaven, he’s not a human, but there are human things he considers good –art, hope, love, dreams. However, he knows emotions… feelings are dangerous temptations. How does he know? Well, he’s been consistently screwing things up to protect the one thing that has become his priority: Dean Winchester. Everything has been, is, and will always be about saving Dean. It’s pretty much obvious Cas doesn’t have vessel issues anymore in case he decides to stay on Earth (whether angel or human). But his big questions are still the same, “What broke the connection?” “But as what [do you want to live] Castiel, as an angel or a man?” “Who are you? What’s your mission?” And the answers to all those questions are related to Dean. Therefore, Cas has to figure out what he wants.  

Dean, on the other hand, is afraid of losing control and hurting the people he loves: Cas and his brother. Notice who Benny (Dean’s subconscious) mentioned first. At this point in the story, I think Dean knows how he feels about Cas, but Cas doesn’t know. And Cas knows how he feels about Dean, but Dean doesn’t know. They both think they’re family for the other. They both are a couple of emotionally constipated idjits. Dean also has to figure out what he wants, but right now, he doesn’t give much thought to it because he thinks there’s not a good future for him.

I just hope that whatever the consequences of what Sam and Cas are doing to save Dean don’t separate Dean and Cas that much for season 11. However, they both already know how they feel. It’s just a matter of telling the other and we can’t get that yet. That’s why it makes so much sense that TPTB have kept Dean and Cas apart so much during season 10. So, I guess more conflict will be a must for next season.

If you notice, the thing that makes Destiel one of the most popular ships is that it feels real. It doesn’t feel forced. They have gone through a lot and overcome a lot together. This is definitely one of the best love stories ever told!

Off Guard Part 2

Summary: When a former HYDRA agent is brought in with a change of heart, Steve and Tony disagree on how to proceed. Peter, however, takes matters into his own hands.

Author’s Note: Excuse the exact same gif as the first part, I just love it so much

Peter Parker Masterlist

Part One

Masterlist

Originally posted by spiderholland


Part Two

“What are you doing up?”

Your head shot up from the mug in your hands. You’d been staring at its now-cold contents for the past half hour, lost in your own thoughts.

“Uh, just… getting a drink.”

Peter nodded, walking past where you were sitting in order to reach the fridge. You returned your eyes to the mug in your hands. He sat down opposite you at the kitchen table, digging into a bowl of cereal. The two of you sat in silence as he ate.

He’d finished a few minutes later.

“You going up?”

“No, I… I think I’ll stay a while longer.”

He gave you a skeptical look, before glancing at the clock on the kitchen wall.

“It’s two thirty in the morning.”

You tore your eyes away from your mug and looked at him. He had crossed his arms, and was now leaning against the kitchen island.

“Not tired.”

He didn’t seem convinced.

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Playbook - Jughead Jones x Reader

A longer one my dear readers - 1,900+ words. Hope you’re enjoying my little Riverdale fics ! ☺️

Warning : Swearing

Masterlist

Jughead

“I am an acquired taste. You don’t like me? Get some taste.”

That was the first thing I had heard her say. Practically spitting into Cheryl’s face. That’s when I first spoke to her, but it wasn’t the first time I had noticed her - she was like me. Carrying around a laptop and paying way too much attention in English classes.

Upon approaching her and admiring her rebellion, she revealed to know my name but I ever found out how however it made me smile the tiniest smile in a long time.

We became good friends after that, working on the blue and gold together and becoming close enough that we were so often mistaken as a couple that the two of us didn’t even correct people anymore, it was like an unspoken agreement. That was until Reggie Mantle come onto the scene.

The hot shot captain of the football team. The backstabbing man whore.

She was almost an hour late to Pops again when she finally walked in, without her laptop non the less almost as if she had forgotten our plans. Again. “Where have you been?”

“I was tutoring Reggie again…” she seemed quiet at my sudden outburst.

“You were meant to be helping me, or does our work mean nothing now?” I spat, furious that he was taking the only girl that I particularly cared for away,

“Of course it does, Jughead, and you know that!” with each word she seemed to get more upset, “I was just helping.”

“Whatever.”

“God, Jug, you’re not my boyfriend what does it matter that I was being a friend to someone.” At the reminder that we weren’t all I really wanted us to be my heart broke a little.

“A friend to someone who will use you. Who will break you. You will end up just another name in that god damn playbook. Just another score for Reggie fucking Mantle.” I grew angrier, staring at her as tears filled her eyes a little more,

“How dare you. He isn’t like that, he is just a friend.”

“We are just friends.”
“What is that meant to mean?”

“We were just friends. Working together and now what are we? When did we stop correcting people over what we are? Answer me this, (y/n), what are we to you?” She stood in silence for a moment staring at me blankly,

“I don’t know.”

“And what are you and Reggie?”
“Just friends.” she said, barely above a whisper.

“So Reggie and you get a label and we don’t?” My voice broke a little as I tried to scoff but I felt my eyes glass over,

“I said I don’t know what we are.”
“And what do you want us to be?”
“I don’t know” she looked down at her hands beneath the table, shaking a little,

“You don’t know much apparently.” Her head snapped up in shock suspended in a stunned silence, tears finally rolling down her cheeks,

“goodbye, Jughead.” she mumbled, standing and leaving yet I didn’t call after her, I just stared at her empty spot.

“Jughead, you need to see this.”

Veronica and the others piled into the common area, I tired to push past them but to no avail, forcing me to sit on one of the couches with serious looks on their faces. “What? Because I am really not in the mood today.”

“It’s (y/n), Jughead.” I flinched minutely at Archie’s words.

“What about her?” they glanced between each other nervously before Kevin opened his mouth,

“She’s in the playbook.” My heart seemed to stop at them words. My (y/n) was in Reggie fucking Mantels playbook.

“Who’s name.” I asked, my teeth gritted,

“Reggie’s.” Veronica spoke carefully, “Last night, 8 points for…”

“For what?” I became more demanding, clenching my fists and staring at no one in particular,

“For the freaks unstable girlfriend.” Archie was the only one able to say it and at last I exploded, standing up suddenly my head felt dizzy. Then she walked in. we all turned to look at her and as her eyes met mine, she teared up herself. But what could I do. I wasn’t her boyfriend.

“Don’t talk to me. Again” I seemed to growl as I stormed past her, knocking her to one side and not caring to look back.

You

You looked over at the group and slowly approached them. They weren’t welcoming as normal. “Whatever you know is a lie. I swear it.”

“Then how do you explain your 8 points?” Betty seemed on edge but then she had never liked you and Jughead being close.

“Nothing happened between me and Reggie! Last night, he came to my house to work on some English he needed help on and we got carried away with some extract. Before I knew it I was late and I went straight to Jug but he blew me off like I had done something wrong - he wouldn’t believe me! He was asking me all these questions I couldn’t deal with and I left. I found Reggie nearby and he offered to walk me home and that’s when he tried to kiss me. I pushed him away telling him no and then that was it. We walked home and end of. Nothing happened.” You were almost in tears by the end as Veronica moved up to make space for you and you collapsed into her side. “The playbook is lying because half the football team hate Jughead and you know it, especially you, Archie.” Veronica rubbed your back lightly,

“Oh sweetie, we’re so sorry.” she murmured in your ear,

“God, I should have known It was a joke.” Archie looked more guilty than ever, “You need to go and find him, (y/n). You’re the only one that can talk to him when he is like this.

"No, Archie. I caused this and now he doesn’t want me.”

“No, we caused this. Reggie caused this and when I see that prick I wont be able to help but punch him.” Archie rested his hand on your knee gently.

“We will help you find him…”
“He will be in the English rooms. I know he will.” you interrupted Kevin and stood abruptly.

“Hey, (y/n).” Reggie waltzed in looking perfectly content with himself until Archie stood up in front of you, blocking you from view,

“I saw the playbook, Reggie, you think its funny to fuck up a friendship like that? Fuck up people like that?” Archie was getting dangerously close to Reggie’s face as he held up his hands in mock defeat.

“Look man, I hadn’t been in the book for a while and she’s never made it in, as far as the guys are concerned we made out but that’s it. Look, I didn’t even write it in.” Despite his attempt at an explanation Archie landed a firm hit to the side of Archie’s face.
“Archie! Stop it, he wanted his score, he got it. This isn’t worth it.” You laid your hand firmly on his shoulder giving him a warning glance before glancing at Reggie once more and leaving.

As you had thought, the abandoned English corridor has just one partially open door. Inside sat a boy, slumped against the wall, head in his hands and his beanie long forgotten on top of a long forgotten laptop bag.  "Jughead" you said timidly, slowly he looked up and you faced the broken boy you had once called your best friend. Wait… once called? When did you ever consider losing the boy that meant so much to your life?

“What are you doing here?” his voice was trying to be strong and still but you could hear that small waver in it as he tried to hide the emotions that were clear on his face.

“We needed to talk.”
“About what?” he snapped, “Your little score that made you late or was it after you left me last night?”

“Jughead. You need to stop this right now.” tears had began to brim your eyes too.

“Stop what? Because honestly, (y/n), I’m not too sure what I ever did wrong to you because let me tell you, it’s sad when you realize that you aren’t as important to someone as you thought you were.”

“You didn’t do anything and my god Jughead Jones you mean more to me than anyone!” you almost shouted, “The playbook is lying okay? Reggie wanted a few points and lied. Nothing happened after I left you other than the fact he walked me home because I was so distraught because my favorite boy had pushed me away like I was nothing.” Jughead studies you for a moment,

“You don’t mean nothing. You mean everything.” He pushed himself up off the floor as he spoke, “you are the reason for my life, the only good thing I have and you brush me off so easily for a boy that has never done anything good for either of us and then doesn’t even know what this is between us.” he paced as he spoke pulling his hands through his hair, “God, (y/n), do you have any idea how many nights I have spent wondering if I even mean anything to you more than a writing buddy?”

“Of course you mean more, Juggie…” you tried to interrupt but to no avail,

“Wondering if you even like me sometimes because I sure as hell like you. More than I have liked anyone in my life. I don’t know what love is because I have never had it but I am sure as hell that whatever we are,” he gestured between the two of you, “I’m sure that this is it. I can’t lose that.”

The tears were fresh on your face, you hated him being so broken, so insecure when all you wanted was for him to see himself the way you saw him everyday, happy and full of a dark kind of light that got you through the day, everyday without fail. Stepping forward to him slowly, your eyes not leaving his, he didn’t move back so you reached out taking his hand in yours.

“Of course I like you.” you whispered, “You’re fun to be around. You’re smart. You’re funny. You’re cute. You’re different. You’re crazy. You’re perfect, in an imperfect way. You always speak your mind. You have the best laugh. Of course I like you. You’re you.”

He looked at you for a moment longer before his hand found your cheek, brushing away the tears with his thumb and sighing.

“I am sorry, (y/n).”

“lets get through this bullshit together” you murmured glancing over his face watching as that little crease appeared under his eyes from when he smiled. His thumb still caressed your cheek lightly and, using the hand that was still entwined with yours, he pulled you even closer to him so you were so very almost touching,

“We could be perfect, but that would be boring” you smiled at his words.

“Agreed,” you whispered as he leaned in, inch by inch until your lips met for the first time.

Jughead

“Agreed” that was the first time I kissed her, but it wasn’t the first time I had wanted to. We would further correct people, telling them that we were a couple, carrying around our laptops, the dark and light, working on the blue and gold together and no one could come between us.

 

Not even Reggie fucking Mantle.

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In Dreams, When We’re Alone

Aaaaaahhhhh, so this is basically my attempt at exploring the trauma that, undoubtedly, came from dealing with/fighting off Pennywise. These kids are strong, but we all break once in a while. 

This is also the first fic i’ve written in years, so i’m kinda out of practice. Hopefully that doesn’t hinder anything though. 

Warnings: PTSD, nightmares, panic attacks, mild language 
Pairing: Reddie

Read it on Ao3 here


Eddie woke with a scream lodged in his throat.

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High Tensions - Ten

Can I just say that I’m loving the the reactions this is getting!

Reid x Reader

He’d dreamt about her again. This time she’d been lying on his bed with her legs spread wide and he’d been situated between them with his mouth pressed up against her, tasting her as he lapped away at her clit. 

He’d woken up a sticky mess once more, his mouth almost watering. He swore he could still taste the sweet, yet bitter taste of her but he knew that wasn’t possible. 

They exchanged texts this morning making plans to meet up later on in the day and he’d received a few suprise photos from her which made his dick immediately hard again. This had to stop, and soon. If he didn’t fuck her soon he was scared he was going to fall asleep on the jet and wake up with Y/N and the rest of the team laughing at him as he humped and came all over the leather seats, no doubt moaning her name. 

Yet he wasn’t going to be the one to end it. At least not yet. 

He wondered what tonight would bring. Spencer had enjoyed their little cinema “date” the other week, not exactly knowing what it meant for them in terms of their relationship with each other. But she’d been right when she’d pointed out that they were two friends with a mutual attraction who were trying to bang each other senseless. What other word really was there? They weren’t “friends with benefits” because so far, there’d been no benefits.  

He thought back to the last week and a half. The case had hit Y/N hard, it had affected them all but seemed to have hurt her more as she’d developed a bond with the parents of the child they’d initially been called in to find. That had happened to them all on occasion, it was hard not feel drawn to certain people and the parents had been drawn to Y/N, always seeking her out to check for new information. When the case had gone bad and the news delivered, he’d heard her crying in her hotel room later that night. He’d wanted to go to her but when he’d left his room next door, he’d saw her door closing softly and then sound of JJ’s voice through the wood. He’d settled for giving her a hug when they’d got back to HQ. 

She’d seemed fine this morning, back to her usual bubbly self during their text exchange but he wanted to do something for her to make her feel better. He racked his brains. 

After and hour of thinking he kept coming back to the same thing. He didn’t want to just buy her something, or take her somewhere. 

But would she let him do the thing he was thinking off? He’d found a loophole that would allow it, if she saw things from his point of view. 

Well there was only one way to find out. 

He knocked her door at 8pm, takeout bag in hand. She answered wearing a shorts and vest pajama combo, her hair piled on top of her wet. It looked wet and she didn’t have any make up on, although she still looked stunning.

“Hey! Apologies for the lack of proper clothes. I’ve literally done nothing but cleaning and laundry all day and I’ve only just got out the shower. I lost track of time.” She took the take out bag from him and he followed her to through to her kitchen area. 

“No worries. I did say don’t bother getting dressed. Admittedly I had something else in mind, but beggers can’t be choosers.”

She grinned at him, handing him a beer and pulling out some plates. “Actually Spencer, in this case, beggers could be choosers. You beg for it and you can choose to do what you want to me.”

He rolled his eyes at her trying to let the comment wash over his head. He helped her plate up their food and headed over to the couch, placing his messenger bag on the floor next to him and making himself comfortable. 

“So what are we watching?” he asked. 

“Well considering how much we’ve been talking about it recently, I figured we could watch this.” Y/N produced a dvd from the coffee table next to her. 

Secretary. 

“You’re not being serious?!” There was no way he could watch that with her, especially given the dreams he’d been having. 

“No I’m not. We’re watching this instead.” She produced another film. Don Jon. 

He knew that film was about a man with a porn and masturbation addiction and he could do without watching Joseph Gordon Levitt wanking himself stupid. He shook his head at her. 

“Well that brings me to my third and final option, this.“ 

Beauty and the Beast. 

“What?” she must have seen the look on his face. “It’s my favourite film and it makes me feel happy. And after the last case, I could kinda do with that.“ 

“Fine…. Put it on.” He watched her bound over to her dvd player and slip the disc in, her butt sticking out as she bent over. 

They ate and watched the film in companionable silence, her shushing him whenever he tried to feed her a random fact. 

“Did you know this film is based on…. ”

“Yes I know.”

“Did you know that Beast’s name is actually….”

“Adam, yes I know.”

“Did you…. ”

She chucked a cushion at him. “Spence, this is my favourite movie. I’ve watched it like a thousand times. I doubt there’s anything you could tell me about it that I don’t already know. Now shut up and let me watch. We can watch Doctor Who or something you like afterwards.”

It wasn’t like he wasn’t enjoying the movie, although he was enjoying watching Y/N watching it more. Her lips moved along with the character’s quietly singing along with them, or mouthing their lines. She really must have seen this film a thousand times to know it off by heart. It was sweet. And just another thing about her to add to the ever growing list of items he found desirable about her. 

The movie finished and as the credits rolled he could see her wiping away a tear. 

“Y/N. Do you want a hug?”

She looked at him suspiciously. 

“No funny business I swear. It’s just…… You’re crying.”

“Because of the movie, stupid film.” But she inched closer to him on the couch. 

“I never suggested it was anything other than the movies making you sad.” He held open his arms waiting to see if she’d move into them. 

She moved, slowly wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her body against his. 

Okay, perhaps offering a hug wasn’t such a good idea. The pajamas she was wearing didn’t offer much coverage and they were a thin cotton material. Luckily she was wearing a bra but he could still feel her chest pressed against his. 

“Thanks Spencer,” she sighed into his neck, her hands playing with his hair.

“What for?” he didn’t relax his grip on her, enjoying the feel of her against him. 

“Just….. I don’t know. Everything. I don’t think I tell you this enough but I honestly think you’re a great guy. You’re kind and sweet and you know when I’m feeling down and when I need a hug. You’re a great friend.”

Friend. Weren’t they a little past friends?

She continued, tilting her head slightly so that her words blew onto his neck. “Add that to the fact the you’re sexy as hell, and clearly know how to please a women in the bedroom. You’re obviously perfect.”

“I’m far from perfect Y/N. And sexy? That’s one word that doesn’t tend to get used in the same sentence as Spencer Reid.”

She was still pressed against him, her lips almost touching his neck. Her next words shocked him. “I think you’re perfect Spencer. Perfect for me at least. And……” she stopped herself, unsure of whether she should continue or not. He waited with baited breath. 

“And, erm….. Spencer. Maybe when we decide who’s won this little bet, we could actually go out on a proper date? One which we both know is an actual date.”

He knew that Y/N found him attractive, she’d said as much. And he knew that she must find him sexually attractive to have even been partaking in this game with him in the first place. 

If he was honest with himself he’d hoped and wanted something more to come out of it. But he was still totally surprised to hear that she wanted the same. 

He nodded at her. “We can do whatever you want Y/N.”

She broke the embrace and pulled away from him. “Well what I really want is for you to tell me you want me so I can win this damn thing and have a fucking orgasm.”

He laughed at her wondering if now was the time to ask her. It had to be really. 

“Y/N. Erm….. I was thinking earlier. I know how upset you’d been after the last case and I really wanted to do something nice for you.”

“You are doing something nice for me Spence. Just by being here with me.”

“Well I wanted to do something that would make you feel better…… And,  well I blame the fact that I’m in an almost constant state of arousal when I’m near you for pointing my brain in this direction, but the only thing I could think of to make you feel better was to offer to give you an orgasm. I’m not admitting defeat here by the way, but I found a loophole that I thought we could exploit just for the one night.”

He watched her face for a reaction, but she didn’t give anything away. A few moments later she finally spoke. “You want to make me come? Without breaking the rules?“ 

He nodded. 

"How?”

He reached into his messenger bag pulling out the little box he’d picked up earlier and passing it to her. Now that had been an interesting shopping trip. 

“Spencer this is a vibrator. Why the hell do you have a bullet vibrator?” He could still see confusion on her face, but he detected a hint of a smile of her lips. 

“I bought it earlier. I know you have one, but the thing that you have, well it scares me quite frankly. This is much more simple and the woman in the shop said that it’s one of the best selling items.”

She laughed, the image of him in a sex shop amusing her. 

“I can’t use it though. It’s against the rules. It’s still self relief remember. If I use this on myself, you’d win.”

“That’s not what I’m getting at. I’d use it on you.”

Her jaw dropped and her cheeks coloured. 

“Technically we’re not breaking any rules because I wouldn’t actually be touching you. I’d be touching this. And you wouldn’t be touching yourself either. You get to orgasm and feel good, and I get to watch. And neither of us violates any of our self imposed rules. But it’s a one night only thing.”

“Why one night only?”

“Because otherwise, if I were to do this again, then you’d never admit defeat and I’ll never get to hear you telling me how badly you want my dick inside you.”

She breathed in deeply, before asking, “But what about you. You still don’t get to… Well, you know.”

“Honestly Y/N, twice now I’ve woken up covered in my own mess. The dreams I’ve been having about you…… Well, they’ll keep me going for a bit longer.”

He licked his lips at the memory,  hearing her whisper, “Oh my fucking God.”

“This isn’t a trick?” she clarified. 

“Nope, although if at any point you beg me to slip myself in, then I do still win. But otherwise, it won’t count against you. It will probably work in your favour to be honest. I’ve only dreamt about what you look like when you orgasm, seeing it might actually push me over the edge.”

“Okay.”

She stood up from the couch, holding out her hand to him. He took it. 

The box in one hand, and his hand in her other, she led him to her bedroom. 

Old Souls and New Colors (Lafayette x Reader x Peggy)

Words: 2500+

Warnings: Cursing, Sex Mentions

Request: Laf x Peggy x Reader Soulmate Au??

A/N: enjoy! (i tried my best?)


“Ah, the typical scenario: Boy meets girl, or guy, man falls in love with girl, girl finds out he’s not her soulmate. Disappointed, she spends the rest of her life thinking about him, even though they aren’t really meant to be together. And fluff and angst, weeks later, she calls him up again, and she forgives him. Not really a happy ending, until the credits roll, and we see her with him, or she finally sees her soulmate, and breaks it off with him. Am I right?”

Elizabeth stared at you, exasperated, “Honestly, how do you guess all of this? Are you a psychic? Is that black and white vision getting to you?” She asked, looking at you, “You know, I’m really sorry for your soulmate. You’re mean, and a jerk. Maybe they’re the same way.”

You laughed, buying the popcorn. Elizabeth insisted on going to the movies with you, although you would have rather went alone. You were best friends. she was the one to find her soulmate first. Alexander Hamilton. The man who would never shut up, no matter how much you tried to convince him.

Keep reading

Lucifer Morningstar x Reader: Sulking

Originally posted by psychosupernaturalhero

Imagine: Lucifer in a bad mod because Maze set you up on a date.

PART 1 | PART 2

You’ve always felt comfortable at Lux. You knew the place like the back of your hand and knew you were always welcomed here. But looking at Maze’s floor-length mirror in front of you, you’ve never felt so anxious.

Today was important. You had a date. Sort of.

Since your break up with your ex, Maze had been going out of her way to drag you to every club or kickback in town. And that was fine, more than fine considering her original plan to hunt down the sorry excuse of a guy you used to call a boyfriend. You loved Maze’s loyalty, but you also enjoyed not being a co-conspirator for murder.

Needless to say, your last seven months have been the must fun you’ve had since your ex. So it was strange when Maze started passing out offers to “hook you up” with a guy. You hadn’t paid much mind towards dating, but you supposed it wouldn’t hurt to test the waters again. You agreed for Maze to set something up for you, and that’s how you ended up here.

Standing in the middle of Maze’s room with one of her less risqué outfits.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now you were having your doubts. Maze was kind enough to lend you her closet, but no matter how good you looked in your form-fitting black dress and strappy heels, you couldn’t help but feel like you should call the whole thing off.

You fiddled with the hem of your dress nervously before taking a deep breath, giving yourself a short pep talk and striding out the door in faux confidence.

You only made it a few steps into the parlor before you collided with someone and began to wobble dangerously on your heels. You yelped as you felt yourself begin to fall but then pulled upright as they wrapped their arms around your waist.

“If you wanted me to hold you, all you had to do was ask, Y/N.”

Keep reading

I’m No Defeatist - Part 1

Description - Virgil takes Logan’s defeatist comment as an insult. he tries his best to be better, but all he really wants to do is disappear. 

Genre: hurt/comfort

Word Count:  2,111

Ship: platonic/familial lamp sanders pre accepting Anxiety but huge focus on Analogical

Warnings: lots of angst (let me know if something specific needs to be tagged im not sure)

a/n: all dialogue except like one line i think belogs to Thomas Sanders & Joan (maybe Talyn?)

~

“Logic, you understand reality better than the other two, and that is very comforting, but you are still a clueless moron most of the time.”


Comforting. Yeah. Logan’s comforting. Not only does he keep Anxiety grounded in reality, but he’s calm. He’s not emotional, or fanciful. He’s reasonable. He is reason. Weirdly enough he’s a shoulder to cry on, not literally because why would anyone let Anxiety anywhere near them, but he’s.. He’s there. He’s there, and he’s.. He’s comfort. Yeah. Comforting is a good adjective for Logan.


After that the video continued in a blur for Anxiety. He knew he was there, but he was more focused on why. Why did Thomas want him to stay? Why was nobody actually complaining that he was there? Why were they letting him answer questions? Why were fans sending him questions in the first place? Were things starting to get better? Anxiety could only hope. With what little hope he had left.




Things were not getting better.


Roman forced them all into daydream mode. Okay, so Thomas let him, but still. This was not Anxiety’s department. This was draining, and annoying, but no one cared. At least Logan was sort of on his side for once. At least he had someone.


“But I’m no defeatist,”


Defeatist? What does he mean by- Oh. Oh, I’m the defeatist. So much for having Logan on my side. So much for ever thinking Logan would be there for me. So much for thinking anyone would ever care about a hindrance. That’s all I am.


“Thank you, everyone. Well.. almost everyone.


Ouch. At least that was expected from Princey, but Logan? Logan, the one he thought he could trust the most, implied that he was a defeatist. A failure. A useless, good for nothing, moron.


Logan is right. I should just accept defeat for the last time, and never show my face around here again. Yeah. I’m gonna figure out how to do that.


Just after Anxiety sunk down, with a sullen look on his face that of course no one cared to notice, he could vaguely hear one last thing from the logical side.


“You got this, buddy!”


Really? You’re putting faith into Prince, but not me? What did I do wrong? I’m just trying to protect Thomas.. I swear. That’s all I want.


With a heavy sigh Anxiety sunk down to his room, put on his headphones, and let the music bring him to a different world. A world where things made sense to him, and him alone. Alone. He was alone.




Great. Another problem. Another video. I really need to learn how to detach myself. Oh well. No time now. Thomas messed up an audition, and now he’s anxious. Time to “save the day” by making everyone hate me more. Fun.


“You screwed up.”


Here we go again. Fitting the role of the bad guy. The antagonist as Logan liked to put it.


“Ah! Anxiety-”


“Anxiety what are you doing here? Yes. This is exactly what you do every time I pop up. Let’s just skip that part. We get it. You don’t want me here, but I’m here, and this is what I do.”


“Oh I don’t think that’s all that you-”


“You did a bad job, Sanders!”


I’m not letting you lie to me, Thomas. I know all I do is make you miserable.


“Where specifically did he do a bad job?”


Everywhere. He messed everything up. I tried to stop him from going. I tried to keep him safe. Why can’t you see that Logan?!


“Try the beginning. He choked.”


Ugh, Logan stop taking everything I say literally. Man, this is too much work. I don’t like to work hard.


“This is theater. Where you only have one shot, and he threw it away.”


Come on, Thomas. Listen to me. One shot. You blew it. Why do you do this to yourself?


“I mean it was colorfully phrased, but it’s not an unfair point.”


Wait, what? Not an unfair point? Is Logan agreeing with me? No, don’t get your hopes up.


Okay, enough of Princey being dramatic. Move this along. I need to go hide under the covers for the rest of the day. Or year. Preferably forever.


“Perhaps this time you may have to consider that you did not do particularly well.”


“Yeah, it was a train wreck.”


“Time out. That seemed very emotionally charged.”


Are you kidding me?


“What are you talking about? I just said what you said only more effectively.”


“Ah, I see the issue, Thomas.”


“What is it?”


It’s me. I’m the issue. I’m always the issue.


“I now realize there is only one persona here holding sway over your feelings, and they fall quite heavily on the negative end of the spectrum.”


Yep. That’s me. Negative……. Cognitive distortions? What? Whatever…. Oh, what’s that? Logic taking Princey’s side? Great.


“Of course, when it comes down to it, you take Princey’s side.”


“I’m not taking his side. Did I say I was taking his side?”


Somehow you always end up on his side. No idea how. Logic, and fantasy don’t mix, but you make it work. You make it work against me because you hate me.


“Quite honestly, I find both you, and Princey to be a little too.. Extra.”


Extra. That’s a new one. Great. Add that to the list of words that describe just how horrible I am.


Blah, blah. Keep talking, Logan. That’s all you do.


“..a clearer vision of the entire situation that this corner of the room is obscuring.”


Whatever.


“I would write an angsty sonnet illustrating my contempt for you if I actually cared enough about what you were saying right now.”


I do care! I care about what you say more than I should! You’re supposed to be on my side! ….No, it’s fine, guys just completely ignore me now…. Hold on. Debate?


Then suddenly with a snap of Logan’s fingers Anxiety found himself in a debate room. A debate room where he decided to take his frustrations out on the side he once, almost, considered a friend. An acquaintance at most.


Hiss.


“I do that when I start reaching my limit with stupid questions.”


“Your mom’s preposterous.”


“Your mom is pointless.”


“If she did exist she’d be preposterous, and pointless.”


“You know what? I’ve had enough of this. None of this makes any difference. You know why? Because I’m right, and you’re wrong, that is why.”


“Here, I’m ready to give my closing statement. This is stupid, he’s stupid, I’m out.”


“Scenario over.”


A snap of Anxiety’s fingers, and they were back in Thomas’s living room.


Now that, whatever that was, was over Anxiety was exhausted. He used all his energy to convince Thomas that he was messing important things up. He tried to warn him. Tried to make him do better. Tried to be.. Vigilant. If only they knew. Heh. Fat chance.


Anxiety didn’t want to wrap the video up with a cutesy little conclusion, or message. He didn’t want to hear Logan give him a cliché “I told you so.” speech. He wanted to curl into bed, and forget that he existed for a little while.


Even still Anxiety tried.


“You forgot the song! That’s the whole thing.”


To no avail. Thomas listened to Logan. Of course.


Screw all of this. I’m gonna leave, and never come back. They won’t miss me.


“And Anxiety?”


“Save your insults I’m just gonna duck out.”


Yep. That’s right. Not sink down. Duck out. Detach myself. Leave forever-


“Actually, um, I was going to tell you that was a good debate today.”


Anxiety popped back up.


“What? Wh- What do you mean?”


This is suspicious. He has to be lying.


“I mean, you did a good job.”


No way this is real.


“How? I was barely trying.. I hissed at you.”


“Yes, I must admit that is a fairly uncommon debate tactic, but despite you clearly not enjoying taking part you still participated. You offered your points, and you even reasoned, in your own way, and all that is commendable.”


“This is so pure..”


Logan, why are you saying nice things? You hate me.. What do I even… What?


“I gotta say.. I don’t really know how to react to you complimenting me. I kinda thought you didn’t like me. Especially after last time when you called me a defeatist.”


“Well, you are wrong about a lot of things,”


And there it is.


“But,”


But?


“I don’t necessarily mind your company.”


Really? Oh. For the first time in a while Virgil felt hopeful. Genuinely hopeful. He was being praised. Not insulted, or pushed away. This could be the beginning of something good.


“The other two can bring in a whole lot of sunshine, and that can be unbearable..”


Heh. Yeah. Anxiety was.. smiling. Nothing close to a grin, but the one corner of his mouth was upturned, and he still felt hopeful. This was nice.


“I can’t imagine having a debate with either one of them.”


“I-I guess I just kind of assumed that-


“You jumped to a conclusion.”


…Oh. Oh, for fu- Damn cognitive distortions. Damn Logan.


Anxiety couldn’t help, but allow himself to smirk some more. As much as he’d hate to admit it the nerd did have a point.


“Touché.. Thanks.”


“Glad to see you guys working some things out.”


This isn’t a Disney movie, Thomas. No happily ever afters here. We get the dark side of it all. Just brief moments of security, and false hope.


“We didn’t work anything out.”


Anxiety sunk down, not to his own room, but this time to the commons. He still had some of that hope swelling in his heart. Please don’t get my hopes up, guys.


“He’s stubborn as ever.”


Logan sunk down to the common room to leave Thomas to finish the video. They’d return soon to record an end clip, but for the time being he had a mission.


Anxiety stood awkwardly in the commons, wondering if he should give up, and retreat to his realm when Logan abruptly popped up.


“Anxiety-”


Too late. They were summoned.


Anxiety sighed, and slipped the headphones he managed to grab, on. He was too tired to deal with end card shenanigans. He decided to just tune it out.


“It’s interesting.”


Or not.


“What?”


Anxiety slipped one side of the headphones off so he could hear Logan better, but not completely be torn away from his music.


“Now that we’re at a little bit of a standstill I finally feel a sense of peace in this household.”


“I guess?”


“The atmosphere is calm. The air is tranquil, and it finally feels like we are at a point of higher sophisticated thinking.”


Well yeah ‘cause you, and I are left brain, moron. Everything is calmer when the right side isn’t working as well. Logic should know this.


“I’m back! Did you miss me?!”


Spoke too soon.


“Your mom misses you!”


Oh, man. The look on Princey’s face.


“..I’m sorry while that was savage.. It was a little extra.”


Roman turned to Anxiety.


“What did you do to him?”


Anxiety just snorted in response then returned to his music, finally ready to end this horrible day, and that’s when Dad came to the rescue.


“Logic! Now, where did you learn such childish humor? Tsk, tsk.”


There’s his cue to leave. Anxiety sunk down, and instead of into the commons he opted for his room. Roman, and Patton were back to their normal selves. There’s no way Logan would pay him any mind now. Patton would, but Patton always does. Patton is Patton. Morality. Emotions. Dad. And Roman.. Don’t get started on Roman. But Logan.. Logan is Logan, and Logan does things his way. The logical way. Anxiety has no part in that. Even if they do work on the same side of the brain together. They’re the same yet so different. But that’s okay for now. I’ll stay, and see if things look up. There’s that hope again. That tiny ounce of hope that screams at him to stay away from it. But he had to hold on. He’d hold on for Thomas, even if Thomas hated him, and he’d hold on for dad because at least he had some love there. He’d even hold on for Logan. Even if Logan wanted nothing to do with him. “I don’t necessarily mind your company.” That’s better than nothing, but in reality it didn’t matter. In reality it wasn’t real. It’d never be Anxiety’s reality. Still. He’ll hold onto hope, and will fight to win. No more failures. No more accepting defeat.


I’m not a defeatist.


@trashy–hipster @leesacrakon @thebaagelboy @serialsuspect @dremmmmmm @i-prayed-to-you-cas @aikogumi @thestoryofme13 @ashrain5 @nymphaedoratonks @toreen-m @onehundredphans @snickerz171 @linkeyblue  @otakuudere666 @mysticnachophilosopher @tinyten19 @waste-of-space-666 @walrus-flail @agentflash18 @cam-a-lam @withoutfandomsiamnothing @unlovedtrash @thecyanblue @lovely-chaotic-goddess @abbyaj22 @rosebadwolf1000 @stereotypicalbrit @mewsicalmiss @thesides @luckylucytheawesome @creepy-cupcakes @kiexen @nightmaresanstrash @hetaisawesome@thatcraxygirl15 @thatcraxygirl15 @wolfgirlstuart @the-laarmy @nicole-is-online @lil-lycanthropy @logically-asexual

illneverrecover  asked:

Hello! I love your writing and would love to request a little ficlet/scenario from you, if possible! I'd love to see your take on the RFA & Saeran drunk dialing MC and saying "I love you" for the first time? (or vice versa, MC calling them and saying it). <3

This one was very fun to write. Had I not gotten sick I would have been much quicker and the quality would be better, but I hope you enjoy it as it is nevertheless :3

In which drama never happened and MC had months to get to know everyone going after anyone in particular…until now…

|| REQUEST ARE (ALWAYS) OPEN!! ||


♬Zen♬

He’d been jogging around the part, enjoying the cold air of the night cooling his heating body. It was quiet, empty and peaceful, nothing but the music from his headphones to be heard. Zen had been completely engrossed in the song, quietly humming along when suddenly in broke off. For a moment he wondered whether it was his headphones, when suddenly the music was replaced by his ringtone. A call then, but not just any. You were calling. He fished out his phone from his jogging pants and instantly accepted the call. “Hey, gorgeous, what’s up”, he asked, a little out of breath as he was still running. “Zen. Zenny. ZenZen. Zennyboy. Prince Charming. The fairest of them all”, came your reply, words slurred into the phone. He couldn’t help but laugh, cheerful and breathy. “Are you drunk, by any chance”, he asked. “I don’t get drunk! I get awesome.”

Zen laughed again, utterly amused at your state. You were so obviously drunk and yet denying. It was kind of adorable and yet worrisome at the same time. Hadn’t you said that you didn’t drink, let alone get drunk like that? Was everything alright? “MC, is everything alright?” There were undefinable sounds coming from your end of the line when suddenly you spoke again: “I’m peachy!” You did sound peachy, but Zen couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something you weren’t telling him. “What are you doing right now, gorgeous? Nothing dangerous, right”, he asked, slowing down a little so he could make out exactly what was going on. You just chuckled. “Nothing dangerous, I promise. Just lying in bed, thinking about you.” The rustling of sheets…so that is what he’d heard just now. Zen smirked. “My Lady, that is quite the naughty thing to say to a man. I told you we’re all beasts and one could misunderstand your words.” 

“And what if I meant them?” Zen tripped and stumbled, barely able to keep himself on his feet. He froze for a moment, taken aback by your words. Did you mean it? No, that couldn’t be. You’d never made such advances before and he’d been mercilessly flirting with you since the day you joined RFA. Maybe it was just your drunk mind pulling a prank on the two of you. He was ripped from his thoughts by a loud sigh from you. “I knew I shouldn’t have called. Saying I love you over the phone is really not romantic, right? Silly me”, you said, chuckling sweetly like it was nothing while Zen was bordering on having a heart attack. “MC I - “, he spoke quietly, ready to return the sentiment when suddenly you cut him off. “Oh shit, bladder is acting up. I gotta take a whiz. Bye bye”, you sing-songed, blew a kiss at the phone and ended the call as abruptly as you’d started it.

Zen stood there for a good minute, fingers still pressing against the earplug like he was trying to hear you better when you’d hung up a long while ago. His heart was beating so rapidly in his chest Zen feared he might faint from it. He walked to the nearest bench, slumped down onto the cold wood and buried his heated face in his hands. You’d just told him you loved him in the most unromantic way possible. You were drunk, you did it over call and you didn’t even let him reply because you had to pee. None of it was in any way sweet or nice like he’d always imagined it so why…why on earth did he feel like the air had just been sucked out of his lungs, stomach filled with those little, fluttering butterflies he hadn’t felt in years?!

★Yoosung★

His phone went off in the middle of a round of LOLOL. At first he considered not picking up. The fight was at its peak and if he let down his guild members now they wouldn’t forgive him for ages and he might have to make it up to them by giving away some of his rare items. It’d happened before and Yoosung was still salty about it. However, as he glanced as his phone to see who was calling – to determine just how important the call was – he caught a glimpse of your name. Without a second thought he reached for his phone to pick up. In the chat you’d mentioned that you were going to a friends Bachelorette party and while Yoosung didn’t know much about what went on during those parties, he knew that alcohol was generally involved. A quick glance at the time told him it was already pretty late and Yoosung got worried that something had possible happened to you.

When he picked up he was greeted by loud music in the background, shrill laughter and you desperately trying to shush everyone while suppressing your own chuckle. “Oh shit, he picked up. Shut up everyone”, he heard you hiss, quiet as if you were covering your phone to muffle the sound. He frowned for a moment but then your voice was back and this time obviously directed at him. “H-Hi, cutey-pie”, you spoke, voice slurred and followed by laughter form not just you, but all the women with you. “How you doin'”, she asked, for some reason earning even louder laughter from her friends. “I’m fine, just playing some LOLOL, but how are you? Is everything alright?” There was some muffled talk in the background with you trying to shush your friends once more before you yet again returned to the phone to talk.

“So my friends and I were playing truth or dare, you see, and I picked dare”, you spoke, obviously drunk. So much so that sometimes you needed multiple attempts to say a word. Yoosung was having a hard time following, especially as he was trying to game at the same time. The phone was tugged between his shoulder and ear to keep his hands free. It was uncomfortable, but he couldn’t just hang up on you. “Okay, sounds like fun. As long as you’re alright, I’m glad”, he said. “No, no, no, wait”, you said quickly. “Don’t hang up yet. I still have to tell you something important.” There was loud snickering in the background and Yoosung was getting the feeling that he was being pranked. Usually Seven’s calls started much the same and it always ended poorly for him somehow. “Listen, if this is some sort of -”

“I love you, Yoosung.” You broke into a fit of chuckles while Yoosung could practically feel his brain breaking apart at the same time. “The girls had me – hey, no, give me back my phone. Don’t be like that”, he heard you say, your voice getting quieter and quieter with every word you said. Instead the music and laughing were getting louder. “Goodbye, cutey-pie”, the all screamed into the phone, laughing manically before the connection was cut and Yoosung was left completely speechless, without the chance to so much process what you’d just said, let alone reply. His eyes were trained on the screen of his computer, watching his guild being slaughtered as his character stood motionless in the middle of the battlefield. All of them were cursing Yoosung and he knew he’d have a lot of making up to do, but he just couldn’t care. Not when the one girl he’d been secretly crushing on for months had just admitted to loving him. And the idiot he was he hadn’t immediately said it back!

♨Jaehee♨

You’d been very quiet in the chat for a while and Jaehee became increasingly worried about your well-being. Whenever she asked you, you either avoided the question or gave her some half-hearted answer about some minor thing that was bugging you. She knew better though, knew that there was something much, much bigger that was making you feel so down. The worst part about it was though, that she had no idea what the possible reason might be. Everything seemed perfectly fine. Everyone in the RFA loved you, the cafe was doing great, you hadn’t fought and if anything the two of you living together made the situation much more relaxed and fun. You shared the rent and the chores, reducing the stress levels in both of your lives a lot. Jaehee didn’t know what to do anymore. Usually she was all for respecting peoples privacy, but she was legitimately worried for you.

After yet another failed attempted of asking you Jaehee turned to the RFA members. In the chat she told them about the situation and everyone agreed that you had been acting rather strange. However, when she asked for a reason no one seemed to know what was going on either and she left the chat not the smarter. That was until about two hours later she got a call from Zen. Apparently he’d been worried too but as opposite to Jaehee, you’d actually opened up to him. Apparently you’d just broken up with your boyfriend of multiple years and despite the whole thing not having been a messy break-up it still hurt to let go of something like that. Jaehee thanked Zen for sharing that with her – as she felt glad to finally know what was up – but didn’t in any way prolong the conversation, instead ending it rather soon, surprising both Zen and herself at the same time.

Jaehee didn’t fully understand her behaviour either. Usually she would have rejoiced at a call from Zen, done anything to make it last longer. This time, however, she felt somewhat bitter and disappointed instead of cheerful like the usually would. Upon thinking about it Jaehee realized it was because of you. She was hurt because you’d chosen to tell something as important and monumental to Zen instead of her. She thought she was your best friend and yet you went to Zen first. What had she done wrong? Were you mad at her? Did you possibly have feelings for Zen and wanted to let him know you were on the market?! For some reason that one hurt her the most. She couldn’t exactly pinpoint why, but it did. That day she didn’t join any chats either.

She didn’t feel like talking to anyone until she saw your name flash on the screen of her phone and just couldn’t hold back. With a sigh she picked up, ready to hear what you had to say. “Heeeeey Jaeheeeee”, you called into the phone and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that you were intoxicated. Which in itself was quite strange, as you usually never drank, let alone to excess. “MC, Zen told me about your break-up. I am sorry you’re so hurt by it.” What followed was a bitter laugh on your part and a snort like it was the most ridiculous thing you’d ever heard. “I’m not hurt by it. I was the one who broke up”, you laughed. Now that part had Jaehee rather confused. “But then…why haven’t you been in the chat and why are you drunk”, she asked you. “Because I’m in love with you.” Such a simple reply and yet it shook Jaehee to the core. Especially when she realized that…she felt the same? She hadn’t been jealous of you talking to Zen, she’d been jealous of him talking to you. “Oh…I think we should talk about this when you’re sober. I would like to say it back with you remembering it.”

♛Jumin♛

Jumin had told everyone that he was on an overseas trip, so they should refrain from calling him. So when his phone went off, in the middle of a very important meeting at that, he was admittedly rather irritated. At first he didn’t even consider picking up. Jumin didn’t even look at his buzzing phone. If this deal didn’t go through he would be in big trouble with his father, as he’d been very adamant about what an important client that was. Funnily enough it was actually the client that looked at Jumin’s screen and smiled at him, telling him to pick up. He’d seen your name and figured you were Jumin’s girlfriend. While his assumption was wrong, he was right in thinking that Jumin would care for your call. Somehow, over the course of the last couple of months, Jumin had completely fallen under your spell. He’d never dared to voice as much, always remaining at a comfortable and polite distance, but whenever you reached out to him he found himself compelled to follow your call.

When he picked up the phone, a gentle smile on his face, the first thing he heard was you singing. It was loud and off key, like you weren’t really trying. Turns out that you were just really drunk. He liked the occasional glass of liquor himself, everyone knew of his love for wine, but he was also very clear on setting certain limits. You’d just overstepped one. “MC, are you alright? Is everything okay”, he asked, frowning and trying to ignore everyone at the meeting staring at him. He could hear gasps and nervous screeching from the other end of the line, quiet cursing as you apparently turned down the music a little before finally returning to the phone where Jumin had been waiting. “H-h-how much did you h-hear”, you asked between hiccups. Your voices sounded a little off as well and not just slurred. It was almost strained and Jumin deduced that you’d been crying.

“You were singing that song we danced to at the last party”, he replied, face now somewhat pained. He was just happy you couldn’t see it. The way he knew you, you would have worried. It was a little embarrassing to show this side in front of clients, but he’d been asked to pick up the phone and he could hardly hang up on you when you were in such a state. “You… you re – hic – member”, you asked. Jumin was surprised to realize that he felt physical pain upon hearing how shy and sad you seemed to sound in that moment. What was going on? “Of course I remember. It was a lovely evening, but that doesn’t matter right now. You’ve cried, haven’t you? What happened, MC. You know you can tell me.” He’d expected a lot of things. Everything from a death in the family to you having been fired or such. Never in a million years had Jumin considered that he was the reason for your painful tears, but as it turned out, that was precisely the case.

You went on explaining how the song had come on and how you’d somehow broken down crying because of it. “I’ve been in love with you for so long now and I though…I guess I hoped that-that you felt the same, but you never made any advances and I - oh God, what am I doing? I’m so sorry, Jumin. You’re on a business trip and I’m drunk dialing you. I’m so sorry. I should go. Please forget I ever called. Bye.” You hung up so fast he hadn’t even been able to beg you not to. You were in love with him. In your most vulnerable and honest state the first thing on your mind was to call him to tell him you loved him. Had he known of your feelings you wouldn’t have been crying in the first place. Well, luckily there was more than enough time to remedy that. Jumin instantly got up, frantically gathering his things. “I am so but I will have to cut this meeting short. The woman that has bewitched my body and soul just admitted to loving me and I find myself in dire need to return the sentiment.”

☼Saeyoung/Seven☼

In hindsight he should have seen it coming. You’d tried to talk to him many times over the course of the last couple of months, but while the moment had never been right time and you’d never actually uttered the words he should have been able to deduce them. What was his mastermind good for if he couldn’t even understand as much as the most basic human emotion? At first he’d been happy about it, as he still considered himself a dangerous person for anyone to be around, let alone someone as kindhearted, fragile and breakable like you. Then days of not really talking started to turn into weeks and Seven found himself rather lonely.

He tried to evaluate what had happened, why you’d suddenly stopped talking to him when you still seemed to be alright with talking to everyone else. Even more surprising, however, was the fact that he could not for the love of him understand why it hurt him so much. He’d perfected letting go of people over the years. His job demanded such petty relationships, as everything else was dangerous. However, he started to realize that despite his better judgement, he’d formed a deeper bond with you. One he could no longer ignore as it threatened to consume him. He missed your silly message sessions of just exchanging memes, missed the two of you teasing the rest of the RFA members together, missed your phone calls late and night talking about the silliest things. He missed you and there wasn’t a single robot he could build that would change that.

He attempted to reach out for you once, in a weak moment late at night after yet another exhausting and draining day at work. He’d called you multiple times, dying to just hear your voice for a minute. You didn’t pick up. Not only that, but you even pressed away his call. In that moment Seven realized just how much he’d apparently fucked up your relationship. The problem was though, that he wasn’t quite sure what he’d done. Surprisingly, however, he needed to know though, urgently, and so he went through all your texts and chats and calls to find the reason. Seventeen times. You’d asked him whether you could talk in private and in person seventeen times and every single one of them he’d been bury with something ‘more important’.

At that moment he couldn’t even feel hurt about you ignoring him. He brought it upon himself. Despite it hurting, Seven gave up on reaching you in that moment. He was about to make peace with the fact that you’d never talk to him again when his phone chimed with the ring tone he’d picked for you. When he picked up you sounded drunk…and frustrated? “Now listen here, smartass, because I have something to say and this time I won’t let you off the hook”, you started. Seven tried to stop you, begged you not to say the words he knew you wanted to say, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to resist and it was just too dangerous.

“Shut up! I’m so tired of your excuses so you’ll listen. I love you, Saeyoung. I love your shitty jokes, love your dumb mistakes and silly glasses. I love every last thing about you other than the fact that you’re trying to push me away all the time. What’s up with that? Anyway, I’ve had it. I know that you know where the apartment is so tomorrow at eight sharp you’ll come and pick me up with a bag of Honey Buddha chips as a gift, you’ll take me to the arcade, let me beat your ass in everything and kiss me goodbye at the door after setting a date for our second date. Understood?!” And really, who could say no?

☀Saeran☀

The thing is, most of your communication happened over the phone. It had all started out with that one fateful text that had led you straight to the RFA. After that your life had been turned upside down and so had his. In amidst all the drama – and his fable attempts to kidnap and recruit you for Magenta – you’d somehow managed to bond. Messages exchanged here and there, but a connection had gradually been build. To the point where he’d been willing to accept your help over his own brothers for the longest of time. You’d been the phone who’d gotten him into a mental institution and for the first couple of weeks texted him very single day just to check up on him. He’d never replied and yet you’d never lost your calm or kindness. If anything you’d showered him in it even more, never giving up on him like everyone else in his life had. 

Somehow he’d fallen for you over the span of a couple of months and while he didn’t allow himself to pursue you, he eagerly waited for every message of yours. Still, Saeran didn’t reach out to you for a multitude of reasons. One of the reasons being that he didn’t feel stable enough to start the relationship with you that he wanted. Then they actually took his phone away in the clinic and despite missing your messages, Saeran didn’t stop them. He had long way to go to be the man you deserved and he would have hated it had he craved and texted you back before the due time. Luckily it was no longer an issue and when he was released a couple months later and got his phone back the first thing he did was check for messages. You’d texted him every day, without fail and Saeran eagerly read through every single one of them, smiling down at his phone as he did.

Of course he would later deny ever having done so, but he knew better. However, he hadn’t quite reached his goal yet and so once more he decided not to reach out. Not when he still had a long way to go. Another couple of months passed. Saeran had joined his twin in the agency, working as both a hacker as well as a field man depending on what they needed for the case. His doctors had deemed him mentally stable, he was earning good money on a more or less proper job and he finally felt like he was in a good place in his life. Of course his first through had been to call you, as you’d made all of it possible. The thought of being with you had kept him sane over the past couple of months. There was nothing else he desired to achieve other than having you in his life.

When you called a mere hour later it was almost spooky, even to him. It felt like you had some sort of connection and the thought alone made Saeran laugh out. Still, it seemed like a sign. Him realizing that he was stable with you calling right after had to mean that it was alright to go after you and so he picked up the phone. Admittedly he hadn’t thought that you’d be drunk out of your mind, but at least the conversation was funny that way. “MC, I think you should really consider sleeping it off”, he’d suggested after you attempting to serenade him for the third time, assuring him just how much you loved him. “Who are you? My Mommy?” For someone who’d played mother hen for him and the rest of the RFA for so long you sure sounded judgemental. Saeran couldn’t help but laugh.

“No, but I’d like to be your boyfriend”, he’d replied easily, smirking as he waited for your reaction. “Wait…what?” You’d sounded so utterly confused, it had been extremely hard not to burst out laughing. In fact, Saeran had been forced to cover his mouth, take a deep breath to calm himself. It was almost as if you hadn’t even considered the possibility he might return the feelings. “Nothing, just go to sleep goddamn it ”, he’d said attempting to sound stern and failing miserably. Lucky for him you were drunk enough that you’d not notice.“Jeez, fine. Bye mom. Love you.” He’d hummed, hung up the phone and that was that. Come morning he would definitely tease you about that conversation, but he wouldn’t be any less pleased about it. After all, he’d just officially made you his.

All The Bullshit Elphaba Went Through That She Didn't Deserve, Analyzed By Wicked Trash

So we’ll start off with Act I.

Right off, as soon as the show starts, we see these Ozians celebrating the death of this woman. These people are so blind and brainwashed to the point that they would cheer about someone dying. To anyone who’s seen the show, we know Elphaba is alive, and imagine what it felt like to her. I guarantee she heard at least snippets of these people’s celebration and fanfare. Imagine how much it would hurt to hear people so relieved and happy about your own death. Imagine for a second how you would feel if you heard people whom you never did anything to, whom you just wanted to accept you, laugh and cheer about the fact that they were finally rid of you, singing about how no one will mourn you, how the world is better off without you, how no one should nor ever will care about you. And imagine how much it hurt to hear Glinda, her best friend, join in, even if she knew she didn’t mean it. Especially when we know, as strong as Elphaba is, she still lets these sorts of things get under her skin.

“And goodness knows, the wicked cry alone.”

This is awful because of how painfully accurate it is. Just think about how many nights Elphaba spent, trying to hold back tears, wondering what the fuck she ever did to deserve all this.

Not to mention, her tears burn. Canonically, in the book, when she cries, her tears burn her skin. Add that to the immense emotional pain she was in, and it becomes even more unbearable.

But that’s only the beginning.

When she arrives at Shiz, she’s hopeful. She’s always grinning during her entrance? Do you know why? Because she’s excited. She thinks that maybe this place will be different than all the other places she’s been to. And as soon as she turns around, that hope is shattered. People run from her, refuse to look at her, a girl even faints at the sight of her. All because she looks a little different. And you can see in her face how she gradually realizes that her hope was pointless. Because why would it be different? She’s gotten so used to people not accepting her, it doesn't​ even register as something new anymore.

“Alright, let’s get this over with.”

This is something she’s gotten to a point where it seems basically rehearsed. It probably is. She’s made this speech about her skin color so many times it’s probably the same everywhere she goes. She knows deep down that this speech won’t really make a difference, but she tries anyway, because again, she thinks that maybe, maybe this time, things will be different.

And right after this comes her father. Her father who hates her, her father who she knows hates her. He grabs her by the arm and violently drags her away from the other students, with no regard to if he may hurt her or not. He then tells her to stop making a spectacle of herself, and that the only reason she’s there is to look after her sister. And she knows this, she says it with a sort of sadness in her voice. Deep down, she likely wishes that for once, maybe her father could defend her. Or her sister could. Or both. Tell these people to stop being douchebags and to look past her skin color. But they won’t. And she knows it. And that’s why she’s so sad.

On top of that, her father then completely ignores her and turns to Nessa, before giving her a beautiful, likely expensive, handmade gift. For his precious little girl, the “future governor”. At this point, I’d like to point out, Elphaba is older than Nessa. As the firstborn, Elphaba would traditionally be the one to inherit her father’s title, not Nessa. But because her own father can’t even see past her skin color, he completely disregards this and gives everything to Nessa. His love and affection, his gifts, his title, everything. And never once does Elphaba complain, even though it hurts.

Then her father turns to her, and you see a bit of hope return. Maybe, just maybe, he has something in the bottom of that box, something for her. She leans forward to look and he slams it in her face before shoving it into her arms and telling her to make sure she looks after Nessa and stops causing trouble. She tries to laugh it off by joking about how she “clashes with everything”. But there’s an underlying sadness to it. She doesn’t want to clash with everything. She wishes that regardless of that, she could still maybe get a little something. After all, parents are supposed to give their children gifts, aren’t they? But she doesn’t, even though she deserves that much. She never does, even though she deserves it more than Nessa. So much more than Nessa.

“What a tragically beautiful face you have!”

What’s sad about this is Elphaba has been hearing this for years and years. She’s been listening to people tell her sister how beautiful she is, how precious she is, how successful she’s going to be, etc. And never once has anyone ever said that to Elphaba. She’s been living her life not only watching from the sidelines as her sister is given everything, but also never getting even a fraction of what her sister gets herself. But she still loves Nessa regardless. She’s never hated her or resented her for all that she got in Elphaba’s place. She’s, in fact, dedicated her life to taking care of her.

“I’m the other daughter, Elphaba. I’m beautifully tragic.

Now I know this is technically supposed to be a joke. But it’s not actually funny when you think about it. This was her response to someone screaming at the sight of her. Screaming. Which shows she’s used to this. Yet another thing that’s happened so many times she just got used to it. No one so amazing and beautiful should be so used to people screaming at the very sight of her.

“Yes, well, I’m sure you’re very bright.”
“Bright? She’s phosphorescent.”

Another technical joke, I know. Just hear me out. What Madame Morrible says is basically: “Well, you don’t have looks going for you, but you’ve probably got brains or something to compensate.” Which is sort of a twisted way of saying Elphaba is ugly. And what Galinda says is the beginning of an endless barrage of bullying that Elphaba will have to deal with at this school, and that she’s probably dealt with before. Galinda is also the queen bee at this school, so you know anything she does is considered “cool” to the other students. These people will likely try to imitate her. They do try to imitate her. This right here begins the enormous, unfair ganging-up-on-Elphaba that repeats plenty of times throughout the show.

When Madame Morrible insisted on Nessa rooming with her, Elphaba was so distraught that she accidently used magic she didn’t even know how to use. Because a), she loves her sister and wants to look after her herself, but also b), she likely knows that their father will be angry if she just let Nessa be taken off like that. She knows that he would be angry at her. He wouldn’t see reason, he would blame her for what happened, and she wanted to control the situation as fast as she could likely because she was afraid of that. And who wouldn’t be?

Something else about that. You can hear the raw pain in her voice when she’s trying to justify her abilities to Madame Morrible. She’s about to cry. Because she thinks she may have let Nessa down, ruined her chance.

And again, their father.

If he thought Elphaba blew Nessa’s chance at this school, I can’t even imagine what he could’ve done to her.

Now, onto The Wizard and I.

“By my looks, he won’t be blinded.”

Keep in mind that everyone in her life has been “blinded” by her looks. Not one person has ever looked past her exterior and tried to get to know her as a person.

“Cause once you’re with the Wizard, no one thinks you’re strange.”

That’s all she wants. Really, what she wants is for people to see past the fact that she’s different, and for them to see that she’s not as different as everyone perceives her to be.

“No father is not proud of you, no sister acts ashamed.”

And here we have more bullshit from her family. What kind of father isn’t proud of his own child because she was born a different way than most other people? What kind of sister is ashamed of a woman who only wants the best for her?

“And all of Oz has to love you when by the Wizard you’re acclaimed!”

This is it. This right here. What she truly wants.

She wants to be fucking loved. That’s all. She wants someone, anyone in her life to love her. Because at college age, this woman has never felt real love in all her years of living, and that’s all she really wants. Is to know what it’s like to be loved, to know how it feels. Keep in mind that the only goddamn reason she hasn’t felt love before is because she’s a different color than “regular" people.

“Shouldn’t a girl who’s so good inside have a matching exterior?”

Here’s our first instance of seeing how much she actually hates the way she looks. And who could blame her? The way she looks has been used to justify all this hatred towards her for her entire life. By everyone around her. Of course she would want to change that.

“Would it be alright by you if I de-greenify you?”

This is painful, yes, because she thinks she has to change herself in order to be loved. She thinks she has to change the way she looks to be beautiful and accepted by the world. Which no one should ever feel.

But it’s also worse, because we know how much she idolizes the Wizard. She has hope, hope that he can change her life for the better. And she’s clinging to that because it’s the only hope she has right then. Only to have that hope shattered later on.

“But I swear someday there’ll be a celebration throughout Oz that’s all to do with me!”

What’s mostly sad about this is that her “vision” comes true—but in the form of Oz celebrating her death.

“And I’ll stand there with the Wizard, feeling things I’ve never felt!”

This goes back to a point I made earlier—what she means when she says things she’s never felt is basically love and acceptance, affection, things she’s never ever felt before.

The biggest thing about that song is how hopeful and excited she is. She thinks, that for once in her life, something is finally going her way. And it hurts all the more when she finds out it’s not.

As for What Is This Feeling….

“But of course I’ll care for Nessa.”
“But of course I’ll rise above it.”

I think this gives us a painful parallel for Elphaba’s family vesus Galinda’s. Elphaba’s first thought is to reassure her father that it won’t get in the way of her duty to Nessa. That’s the only reason he sent her to that school, remember? Galinda’s first thought is to assure her parents that, don’t worry, even though I’m faced with this, I’ll “rise above it”. As if Elphaba is some sort of obstacle or enemy that needs to be defeated.

“Unusual, and exceedingly peculiar, and altogether quite impossible to describe.”

Yes yes, I know, look at me, over-analyzing all these jokes. Just bear with me, will you? Elphaba is a human being. A regular woman who just happens to be green-colored. But yet, she’s treated as this horrible, disgusting, strange thing (remember the midwife? “It’s atrocious!” And her own father? “It’s obscene!” And she was just a newborn baby then!) that is to be feared and avoided at all costs, when really, the only goddamn thing that’s at all different about her is her skin color.

“Poor Galinda forced to reside with someone so disgusting-i-fied! We just want to tell you, we’re all on your side! We share your loathing!”

Bringing up the “disgusting" point again—because there’s actually nothing disgusting about her. Unless you people really hate the color green that fucking much. That, and the fact that all these people are ganging up on Elphaba. She’s only just gotten here, and like I said earlier, these hoards of people will follow and imitate Galinda, as popular girls tend to work, and this is still only the start of the bullying. The bullying for no real reason other than “Galinda does it, so it must be cool!”

“Maybe some of us are different”

It’s clear that she’s talking mostly about herself here, but it’s even worse when you realize that these words are going to fall on deaf ears. This was a desperate attempt to make these people understand that yeah, some of us are different, and there’s nothing wrong with that. And she knew it would fail, but she tried anyway. And what happens next proves it.

“Well, it seems the artichoke is steamed.”

I know, more jokes, look at me go. But that’s not the point. The point is, her attempt to get them to understand her completely blew up in her face by fueling the bullying even more than it already was being fueled, which was plenty.

“Miss Elphaba has a point.”

Can we just take a moment to appreciate Doctor Dillamond? Because this “old goat” was one of the few people in this show to actually treat Elphaba like a person instead of this disgusting, horrible, evil monster that needs to be put down. He saw her for who she was, a woman who’s willing to fight, fight for herself and what she believes in, even if it costs her everything in the process. How interesting is it that the first character to treat Elphaba like the human being she is is a goat himself? He probably knows exactly what she’s going through. Hell, it happened to him, and it still does.

“You shouldn’t let ignorant statements like that bother you. I mean, I always do, but you shouldn’t.”

This is far from funny to me. Because it’s the first look we get into what Elphaba really feels about all this ridicule, all this hatred. We all know how insanely strong this woman is, don’t we? And I mean, she has to be, with what she’s put through every single day. But right here, and this isn’t the only time, you notice. That she’s not as made-of-steel as she comes off. She’s still bothered and even hurt by the things people say about her.

I cannot enforce this enough—this is a human fucking being. She is the same as everyone else, minus a “normal” skin color. She’s still only human. She laughs, she cries, she’s hurt, just like everyone else. And this is a running theme throughout the show. People don’t treat her like the human being she is. They treat her like a monster, like some sort of abomination, something that’s awful and, well, wicked. But I can’t stress enough how Elphaba is still only human. And how strong she is to put up with all this bullshit, but also how it still hurts her and it still has a lasting effect on her.

“He’ll make it right! That’s why we have a Wizard!”

I’d also like to point out again, here’s more of her undying faith in the Wizard. A faith that gets ripped apart right before her eyes. Just like when she says that something so bad couldn’t happen in Oz. Because she thinks, there’s no way the Wizard could let that happen, not someone as good as him! And she couldn’t be more wrong, and it’s crushing to think about.

“I’m about to have the first happy night of my life!”

Imagine how Elphaba feels hearing that from Nessa. The girl who’s had the happiest life that any other girl would be deeply jealous of. Her sister, who doesn’t seem to ever realize how truly good she has it. And yet, Elphaba still isn’t angry, still doesn’t take it out on her. She says she understands, because she wants Nessa to always be happy, even at the expense of her own happiness.

When Galinda gives Elphaba the hat, we all know it’s a joke, right? Hell, Elphaba probably thought so too. She’s not an idiot, they didn’t sing a whole duet about loathing each other for nothing. But think about this—that hat is likely one of the only gifts Elphaba has ever gotten. Imagine her, growing up, never getting any birthday gifts, never being given anything just because, and watching as those things were all given to Nessa. And I think that’s part of the reason she accepts the hat. Because she thinks, prank or not, this could be a good thing, something she likes. And it ends up being just that.

Not to mention, this prank gift and what Galinda “did” for Nessa prompts Elphaba to go so far as to force Madame Morrible to include Galinda in her sorcery seminar. Someone Elphaba knows doesn’t really like Galinda, who has very low expectations of her. Elphaba jeopardizes her only chance to meet the Wizard, to maybe, in her mind, be “normal”, and finally be accepted the way she wants to, by threatening to give it all up by quitting the seminar, just to say thank you for a prank gift, but a gift nonetheless, and a “helping hand” to her sister.

If that’s not selfless, I don’t know what is.

Another thing: everyone at the party screams and recoils away from Elphaba, points at her, laughs, when she enters the room, and she just walks on by like it’s nothing. Because again, she’s used to it. This is something that’s happened to her so often she’s actually trained herself to hide the way she truly feels about it. Hence why when Fiyero mentions how she doesn’t seem to care about what others think, Galinda realizes. In that moment, she realizes. Elphaba does care, she’s just learned to hide it. And no one, especially not someone like her, should ever have to go through that.

And afterwards, with Elphaba and Galinda, in their room, there’s even more. When Elphaba says her father hates her, Galinda’s reaction is of course shock. Which is the type of reaction most people would have. But Elphaba shrugs that off, and says that it’s not her secret, as if it’s no big deal. As if the fact that her father hates her is old news. And it is. Because let’s not forget, she’s been putting up with her father hating her for her entire life, and it only got worse as she was older.

Not to mention the fact that she really and truly thinks he has a good reason. She actually believes that it’s her fault, that because she was simply born the way she was, her father has a good reason to hate her. That him being paranoid about and terrified of the concept that his second child could turn out to be a different fucking color and in turn disabling her sister is somehow her doing. She actually thinks that just by being born, she was the one who caused it. And this is all her father’s doing. I guarantee you, her father raised her to believe Nessa’s condition was her fault, drilled it into her head from a young age. Because he needed someone to blame, and why not blame the green daughter that he was so deeply disappointed in simply for being a different color?

And during Popular, we see again how low her self-esteem is. She’s insisting to Galinda that she could never be a “normal” girl. She could never truly fit in, especially not with the crowd Galinda is a part of. Or at least, she doesn’t think she could.

And when Galinda calls her beautiful, we know why she runs away. Because that’s the first time in her life anyone has ever called her beautiful. And she has no idea how to deal with it, no idea how to take the compliment, and really, doesn’t even believe it’s true.

Moving on, when Elphaba saves the Lion cub, she risks everything. She likely could’ve been expelled for that, considering how anti-Animal Shiz seems to be. Imagine how angry her father would be if she were expelled, after he sent her somewhere so prestigious. Imagine how ashamed she would feel on behalf of Nessa (“no sister acts ashamed", remember?). But she doesn’t care about all that. She doesn’t really care about what happens to her. All she wants is to save this innocent Lion. And something so selfless is twisted into something evil later on.

“Do you think I want to care this much? Do you think I don’t know how much easier my life would be if I didn’t?”

Now this is of course about the Animals, and about how she cares too much about them to just let these people mistreat them. But it can also be applied to the ridicule she gets. She doesn’t want these types of things to affect her, but she just can’t help it, because again, she believes them herself.

Another thing I’d like to point out it all of the shit that happened to her, all of the slander and “Wicked Witch of the West” bullshit that happened later, was because she cared. Because she cared too goddamn much to just let it go. She couldn’t let the Wizard get away with his actions. And that cost her everything.

All she wanted was to help.

She cared too much to let it go.

And look where it fucking got her.

Now, I’m Not That Girl seems like a typical “I like a guy” song on the surface. But that’s really not what it’s about at all. It’s not about how Elphaba is in love with Fiyero, at least, not completely. It’s one entire song dedicated to how she believes that she isn’t good enough for Fiyero. That Fiyero could never love someone like her. That, just because she’s a little different, he’s like this unreachable dream that she tells herself to forget—”wishing only wounds the heart”—because she thinks that she doesn’t deserve him. That he could never be happy with her. All because of this idea that’s been drilled into her head about how her difference is this horrible thing. Something that’s been told to her by her family and everyone around her for years and years, for so long that she just adopted that way of thinking herself.

Something that’s the root of her rock-bottom self-esteem. Just imagine how different things would be if she’d grown up with loving parents, like Galinda, for example, who told her she was beautiful and perfect at every opportunity, like a parent is supposed to do. But she wasn’t convinced to love herself. Instead, she was trained to hate herself by being hated by the very people whose one job it is to love her and care for her. This mentality was only further cemented by the people around her, and how they “hated” her too.

This woman hates herself and the way she looks, and is used to others (and her own damn family) thinking that about her as well. It’s happened enough times for her to be used to it, and not be surprised when it happens. It’s happened enough times for her to adopt that mentality herself. But still, not enough times for it not to hurt. Not enough times for her to be able to ignore it. Because, like I’ve said, you’d have to be ridiculously strong to be able to do that. And she is, no doubt about that. But the reason she can’t deflect it is because she believes it herself. Deep down, she thinks that these people are justified in their ridicule of her. And how could she not? That’s what she’s been raised to think, what’s been forced upon her since she was born. The people in this woman’s life have been so horrible to her that she a), barely even registers it anymore, b), doesn’t register it as a bad thing, c), believes that they’re justified in their opinions, and d), does it to herself.

She beats herself up on a daily basis by accepting these people’s horrible opinions of her as truth. Because again, she’s been brought up to do that. To believe those things.

She has literally been raised, trained to hate herself, by people who are supposed to raise her to think the opposite.

How fucked up is that?

And then, at the train station, off to see the Wizard (pun fully intended), Elphaba is finally getting her wish. Finally, something is going her way. Yet she almost throws that away to comfort her sister. This alone shows how much she truly loves Nessa, and how much she’s willing to sacrifice for her, even though she gets nothing in return.

And then, when she’s talking to Galinda before Fiyero arrives, she asks about him, and then immediately brushes it off as unlikely. Because she thought that maybe, after their little moment that day, maybe Fiyero would remember. Maybe Fiyero would come and say goodbye to her.

Maybe Fiyero does care about her.

But she immediately laughs it off, because she thinks it’s silly. Silly that someone like him could care about someone like her.

Yet another instance of that rock-bottom self-esteem.

And that’s why she’s so surprised to see him when he does show up.

And afterwards, we have One Short Day.

“It’s all grand! And it’s all green!

She’s so happy that she’s finally found a place where she feels she belongs. She’s never felt like she belonged anywhere. Not even her own home. And this place holds so much hope and potential for her, hope and potential that’s going to be crushed before her eyes.

“I want to remember this moment. Always. Nobody’s staring. Nobody’s pointing. For the first time I’m somewhere where I belong.”

I honestly don’t think there’s much that needs to be said for this. She’s finally found a place that feels like home to her. A safe place. She’s never been anywhere where someone isn’t laughing or pointing at her. She doesn’t know what it feels like to fit in. And now that she feels she finally does, she’s the happiest she’s ever been.

I’d also like to point out that the people who accepted her as their own one minute turned on her the next just by a few words from their Wizard, but we’ll get into that later.

Elphaba goes to the Wizard with high hopes. She proves herself by helping Chistery, completely unaware of the consequences. She’s tricked, manipulated into doing what the Wizard wants. And then, she realizes. When she says “You have no real power”, you can hear the pain in her voice. Because this is a turning point. A point where she’s now aware of what a monster the man she once idolized is. Imagine for a moment someone you hold up on a pedestal, someone you idolize and would do anything for, really. You have high expectations for those people, don’t you? And imagine how heartbreaking it would be to find out that they were nothing like you thought they were. Imagine how awful you would feel if your idol turned out to be a sick, twisted bastard. Because that’s exactly what happened to Elphaba.

Not only that, she was hoping that this man could help her. “De-greenify” her. Make her “normal”. Help her fit in. And she’s just come to the realization that he can’t even do that.

It’s a double kick to the gut for her, and she still finds a way to gather her wits about her and make a decision. A decision in the midst of all this that she thinks she won’t regret. And I’m sure, in some ways, she doesn’t. But in plenty of other ways, she does.

She chooses to keep her integrity. Keep herself. Keep her own soul, go with her gut, and fight against this monster. And of course, it costs her. It costs her so many things. But in that moment, how could she know? How could she know the sacrifices that would have to be made? I’m sure she did to some extent, though not fully, but that’s what also makes it a selfless decision. She was willing to throw herself into the roaring masses, throw herself under the bus, in order to keep fighting for these Animals. In order to keep fighting for what she believed in.

This is also where the slander starts. The fact that she was tricked into using that spell on the monkeys is twisted to make it her fault. Madame Morrible goes so far as to call her a distortion and a repulsion, and makes a mention of her green skin. Something else that wasn’t her fault, that wouldn’t actually be a bad thing that’s being made to seem like one.

And this is THE turning point.

“This…Wicked Witch!”

That’s where it starts.

Where it all starts.

She’s known no longer as Elphaba by anyone anymore.

She’s The Wicked Witch of the West now.

No one questions it, protests, no one tries to help her. They all go along with it, because it’s easy. Because Elphaba made the hard choice to fight, they’re making the easy choice to accept the fallacy that she’s wicked for that.

And it only gets worse from there.

However, Defying Gravity is one of Elphaba’s breakout songs. She’s tired of resting on her laurels. She’s tired of watching from the sidelines as these Animals are having their rights taken away. And for once, she’s actually confident in herself. Confident that she can do this, that she can make a difference—”I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game”.

And the “too long I’ve been afraid of losing love I guess I’ve lost. Well if that’s love, it comes at much too high a cost!” line is a huge part of this too. Because we know she’s never really felt genuine love before, and she was really just starting to feel it with Glinda. So she’s basically saying, why should I stay? Why should I just hide in the shadows when I really don’t have anything to lose? She doesn’t care about her own well-being, and she doesn’t have anyone else to care about the well-being of.

Aside from Glinda, and that’s why she invited her to come with her. That’s why she tried so hard to convince her to leave all the bullshit behind and actually do something important.

And then, when Glinda refuses, of course they’re both upset. But Elphaba isn’t going to let that get in the way. Because she’s finally free. She’s finally flying.

And nobody in all of Oz, no Wizard that there is or was, is ever gonna bring her down.

Or at least, so she thought.

Act II Coming Soon.

Sincerely, An Angel Like Elphaba Didn’t Deserve This Shit

The Freshman: Problematic Love Interests

So, ya’ll know how rough the last chapter of The Freshman was yesterday. Nearly everyone in the chapter was at their max level of craziness…particularly the love interests. In fact, I was so frustrated with some of their behaviors that I decided I had to get some things off my chest. Hence, this post came to be.

Forgive my snarkiness and general agitated tone here…I’m much less aggravated than I was last night. Let’s just be thankful I gave myself a day to relax before sharing these thoughts!

Okay, let’s get started. 

Keep reading

sassbringer  asked:

Any general advice for getting into FFXIV? I've been considering playing it forever now, but i know next to nothing about what gameplay and the community is like?

I LOVE FFXIV LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT IT

The gameplay and questing system is similar enough to WoW that it’s easy to get the hang of.  Some things like classes (called “jobs”) are a little more complex than what you might be used to, for example you start with one job but must level up a secondary job to unlock a new hybrid job at lvl30.  There are lots of guides that show which combos unlock which jobs though so it’s not confusing.  You can also learn every job on 1 character and swap roles easily.  Each job comes with it’s own class storyline too.

The combat system takes some getting used to because you gotta execute ability combos, like one button powers up another button which then powers up your finisher, then repeat.  Some jobs have very complex rotations at endgame but you have a lot of time to get familiar with your abilities as you level.  There’s also the accursed GCD but again, once you get used to it it’s fine.

Solo questing is really relaxing imo, you have a lot of freedom in how you want to level except for the main story questline (MSQ), which you’re required to follow along with.  MSQ is nice though, I enjoyed it.  This game puts a fair bit more effort into storytelling and character interaction than WoW usually does.

Mount and pet system is about the same as WoW with the exception of your personal chocobo, which you unlock through the MSQ.  Your chocobo is a mount but you can also summon it to fight alongside you. This makes solo questing much more managable because you’re never truly solo.  I LOVE my chocobo omg.  (you can name them and dye them too and dress them up and omg i love)

FFXIV’s xmog system is a little different (called Glamour) but serves the same purpose: making your character look cute as hell, because you can’t fight if you don’t look cute.  FFXIV has two extreme advantages over WoW’s xmog though: you can dye gear!!!! AND the actual gear models are really fucking nice! and varied!  (half-naked illidude maybe not best example of these things BUT HE IS BATTLE-READY IS WHAT IM SAYIN) SquareEnix puts a shitload of effort into gear design and maaaaaaaan your can make your character look GREAT.

FFXIV’s eye for detail extends to all corners of the game, from environments and lighting to player character stuff like hairstyles and unique emotes. The different races aren’t as visually diverse as other games but no one seems to mind because everything is beautiful.  The developers actually seem to give a damn about RPers because there are built-in systems for RP and for finding RP.  Incredible.

DUDE there’s a special in-game mode just for taking screenshots and it’s simple but really goddamn cool I’m so jealous WoW doesn’t have something like this lmao

And omg HOUSING.  FFXIV has some really great player housing imo, i’m too poor to fully take advantage of it lol but IT’S NICE.

And finally the community:  

FFXIV’s community is one of the nicest, friendliest, honestly to god GOOD gaming communities I’ve ever experienced.  Coming from a game like WoW where you’ll get chewed out and votekicked for messing up once, FFXIV is like some kind of heaven.  Obviously every community has it’s share of bad eggs and drama, but most players I’ve encountered are friendly, patient, and genuinely helpful especially to new players.  It blew me away the first time I tanked a dungeon and nobody yelled at me, they just gave me tips on how to keep threat and showed me where to go. They even commended me at the end.  It’s a whole different atmosphere over there, just a lot more positive than WoW.  I’m compelled to pay it forward and keep those positive vibes going when I play, and I think everyone else does the same.

Anyway I love this game and still love it over a year since I bought it.  I’m definitely more excited for the Stormblood FFXIV xpac than the Tomb of Sargeras patch in WoW (both launching on the same tuesday of course lol, June 20).  

Naruto Canon Couples Foreshadowing

So many people post about why they think certain pairings “make no sense,” “never had development,” or why their ship is “the only couple that makes sense in the whole series”. So I decided to talk about how there isn’t only just one super special magic couple that “makes sense” in the entire Naruto series solely because you like it better than the others, and that most of the canon couples have some sort of development or moment at some point :)

I’m also just limiting this post to canon so it doesn’t get too long and out of hand! I may do a non-canon post later for fun, who knows! :)

As always, my pretty disclaimer: I am pro-Sakura. You will not find me bashing Sakura on here at all. (I wish I didn’t even have to say that… Jeez.) Oh, and same with Hinata. I won’t be spending time bashing her either. I like to keep things civil :)

And I promise I am not saying “this is why you should like and ship them so there”. That isn’t it at all!! You have the right to ship whoever you want!! (Trust me, kakasaku I also have kakasaku crack ships kakasaku that I enjoy kakasaku.)

I am just trying to express that Kishi didn’t just throw people together by drawing their names randomly from a hat.

Anyway, I won’t get into much detail, I just want to provide at least one example for most of the cannon couples on why there was, indeed, some sort of moment or hint that they might end up together and that it wasn’t “totally unexpected”.

First off, Sasusaku:

I hate when people claim that Sakura and Sasuke have “no development”. Just because you do not want to acknowledge the development does not mean it never happened. Some people try to make it sound like Sakura and Sasuke never ever freaking met each other until the last chapter. Since it’d take way too much time to go over and explain everything related to Sasuke and Sakura’s development because there is a ton of it, I’ll just hit a major point or two.

If you want to discount any interactions between Sasuke and Sakura between the beginning of the series until the chunin exams, I’m okay with that. A lot of people don’t care about it (not me personally though). But the moment Sasuke received that curse mark, Sasuke and Sakura’s relationship took a much more serious turn. In fact, many people began shipping them around that time. Even the data books state that it was Sakura’s heart that helped Sasuke keep his curse mark from controlling him (ya know, in case you couldn’t already tell that from reading and watching it all unfold in the forest of death).

I also chose this moment as an example because after this point, it’s quite hard to argue that Sakura just had superficial feelings for Sasuke. She had seen the darkness taking control of him, and wanted to be at his side and help him stop it from ruining him. She didn’t want to run away because it was too much drama for her or just his problem. She saw how much he suffered, and she wanted nothing more but to help him.

Okay, I could go on forever about that moment, since it’s one of my favorites, but my point is that moment alone should show that there was SOME development. This is when Sakura’s love became completely selfless, in my opinion, as well. It was a really big moment, not only in personal character development, but in the relationship between the two as well. It was one of the reasons, I’m sure, that Sasuke thanked Sakura before he left the village (the first time). I won’t go into that moment, however, because it’s pretty self explanatory (although people to love to argue about it).

Honestly I could make a huge blog post just dedicated to the development of SasuSaku alone (which, hell, I may just end up doing later), so I will just move on before I start. Point was to give you a moment of development.

I really want to bring up the Sakura bringing Sasuke back to the right dimension thing right now too, but that will have a lot of explaining to it as well because of some of the ridiculous arguments around that… SAVE IT FOR ANOTHER BLOG POST MEGAN AND MOVE ON ALREADY.

Now for NaruHina:

I know, I know. It’s not everyone’s favorite couple. I think the reason for that is a good chunk of the NaruSaku fans are bitter (I’m not saying you don’t have a right to be, I’m just saying it’s a reason why).

But it was foreshadowed. I could even tell that while reading the chunin exam chapters as a kid.

It wasn’t all about Hinata’s growth as a character in the exams. It was about how her respect and love for Naruto helped get her there. (I won’t lie though, I do not enjoy that so much of her character was based on Naruto. I feel like Kishi should have given her more of a chance to stand up for herself because of something other than her love for Naruto. I mean, women can do things without men around ya know!)

It also showed that Naruto started to notice her as a person, rather than the weird girl who gets shy around him.

Hinata was also shown to be the only girl who liked Naruto for himself as children. She wasn’t a Sasuke fangirl like the majority of the girls. That was a big part of why she ended up with him (and yes, I know Sakura and Naruto became close, but that isn’t what we are arguing about right now. Plus, as I mentioned in another post, I see Naruto and Sakura’s development as platonic.)

And then Kishi even had the whole war scene. But I won’t get into that, because it’s a bit self explanatory and I don’t feel the need to get into it.

ShikaTema:

Honestly, I don’t think I need to defend them. Their fanbase never really argues about what development they did or didn’t have (that I have seen at least). The little drama about the pairing is always so pleasant. (Well, until someone says “They are the only pairing that ever had development!” and start a fight. Hence why I am blogging this.)

ShikaTema’s development (for me) began when she helped him against the sound ninja (one of my favorite moments, by the way). I know people can use the chunin exams as an example of development, which is a-okay, but I personally didn’t feel it there (but again, that is JUST ME).

Also, remember when Shikamaru’s dad told him that No matter how strong-minded a woman is, she will show kindness to the man she loves” That description TOTALLY describes Temari. Super foreshadowing!! :) That cute smile she gave him after she blew away that sound ninja, that did it for me. Loved it so much. Then Temari snapped right back and became the strong/blunt woman she is once again when she had to help snap Shikamaru back into his senses when he became irate at himself about letting Choji almost die.

Oh, and please let me add this too, because it made me happy as well:

SaiIno:

As for SaiIno, they didn’t really have development, per say, in the manga besides a few small hints (Ino stating she thought Sai was cute, and including Sai in her dream during the war where he fought Sasuke over her).

Plus there was this cute little bit from one of Kishi’s side chapters:

But with this couple, I feel like Kishi put them together because, well, it just made sense.

What I mean is that, to me, it makes sense because Sai is able to take Ino’s last name, so the new InoShikaCho formation could exist (well, by name anyway). Plus Sai feels more like he belongs to a family now I’m sure, considering he was just known by one name, which wasn’t even his birth name to begin with (I hate Danzo so much I really really do). Plus, Sai seems pretty happy, and I love seeing Sai happy :) (Plus, Ino’s sassiness with Sai’s bluntness! Perfect combination!) However I will agree there was barely any development for SaiIno.

… And honestly, I have nothing for Choji and his wife. No one really does. That was pretty random. I like it though. Chocho is freaking adorable with all that sass.

Okay so this is getting too long, so I’ll stop here for now. I guess I just wanted to point out some solid “there was development” moments.

Hope I didn’t bore ya! Thank you for reading :) I really appreciate it!

On Your Right - Bucky Barnes x Reader (Part 3)

A/N: Hey ya’ll, I hope you’re still enjoying these because writing them is the only thing keeping me sane. So here you go part 3. 

Part 1 | Part 2 

Summary: More movie night fluff. Some Steve Rogers adoration because why not? 

Rating: T (to be safe) language? 

Characters/Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Roger, Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanov 

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Word Count: 1467


You were the first one back from your break between Two Towers and Return of the King. Munching on popcorn, you settled into the corner of the sectional wrapping yourself in a giant blanket, finally opening your messages from the day. You chuckled as you read Steve’s increasingly irritated, borderline panicked texts. After that, you opened Sam’s message begging you to check in so Steve would stop pacing. Then you noticed that there was an unread message from Bucky.

Hey, Doll, wanna get some sightseeing in today?

You reread it several times in confusion, checking the time stamp. It had come in just after you told them you were heading back to the tower this morning. Why would he ask you to hang out if he had a date planned? And why wouldn’t he have just asked you when you were together?

You would have spent more time trying to figure those answers out, but Wanda messaged the group chat you had with her and Nat.

Wanda: Hey ladies. Just landed in London.

Y/N: Good! How was the flight?

Wanda: Uneventful. Pietro still hates being confined for so long. He can get quite annoying in small spaces.

Y/N: He can get quite annoying in large spaces. :P

Wanda: Fair enough.

Natasha: No missions to Asia for him any time soon then.

You cringed at the thought of the twenty-seven hour flight you had taken to Vietnam the year before. The country was beautiful, but getting there from the East coast took forever.

Natasha: Y/N, what are you doing up?

Wanda: Is it late? Time zones always screw me up.

Natasha: Not here. But it is in D.C.

Nat was in L.A. on assignment with Tony.

Y/N: Movie night with the guys. Lord of the Rings extended version.

Wanda: Ooh, movie night! Does that mean cuddle with Bucky night?

Y/N: No!

Natasha: I heard a rumor you and he went on a date today.

Wanda: A date?! Spill it, Y/N! How could you have not told us?

“On your right,” Bucky rumbled in your ear as he vaulted over the back of the sectional and settled in next to you.

You quickly hit the lock button on your phone and shoved it between the cushions. If Bucky noticed the action, he didn’t say anything.

“You cold, doll?” he asked eyeing the fleece blanket you had cocooned yourself in.

“A little,” you admitted, noting that he had finally changed out of his date clothes and into a pair of black sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a hoodie.

“You know I could always warm you up,” he offered, tugging at edge of the blanket.

“I’m okay,” you mumbled. “I like the blanket. It’s soft,” you said lamely, Wanda’s teasing still fresh in your mind.

He chuckled, laying his metal arm behind you on the couch.  

“Is that your way of telling me I need to shave?” He asked, running his thumb over his beard.

“No. I like you with scruff,” you admitted, unthinkingly reaching out to brush his jaw with your knuckles.

When his eyes drifted closed and he sighed, you snatched your hand back, embarrassed. You hastily shoved both your hands under the blanket, shimmying it up to your chin.

“Well, that’s good to know, doll,” he muttered, eyes open and fixed on you.

“What’s good to know?” Steve asked, plopping down beside you.

“That Y/N does not, in fact, realize that she mouths the words to the movie,” he explained casually, meeting your eyes for a moment, smirking, and then looking at Steve.

“I do not!”

“Yes you do,” he argued playfully. “And you make faces like you’re trying to actually be the characters.”

“As long as you don’t do it out loud, it’s fine by me,” Sam remarked sinking down on Steve’s other side.

“I think it’s cute,” Steve commented, smiling easily at you.

“Only because you do the same thing,” you teased.  

“You’re not wrong, Y/N.”

“Shall we?” You asked.

Bucky grabbed the remote off the coffee table and hit play, sitting back down so his left side was pressed against you and you could feel the heat radiating off of him. Soon you were too warm for the blanket. You attempted to stealthily kick it off, but you quickly realized you had managed to unintentionally swaddle yourself and couldn’t even get your arms out. Steve noticed you squirming and shot you a confused look.

“You alright over there, Y/N?”

“I’m fine,” you huffed out, continuing your attempt to wriggle yourself out of the blanket.

After a few minutes, you gave up and Bucky let out a low chuckle.

“Did you need a hand, doll?” he whispered, eyes full of amusement.

“No,” you gritted out, tugging even harder.

Bucky let you struggle for a few more minutes before you felt his arm clamp tight around your waist. Lifting you easily, he untangled you from the blanket, tossing it on the end of the sectional and tucking you back into his side.

“Thanks,” you grumbled, embarrassed.

“Any time, doll.”

“Will you two at least keep your cuddling quiet?” Sam requested, making you blush.

You debated arguing that you weren’t really cuddling, but your current position was against you. You were all but sitting in Bucky’s lap with his arm wrapped around you. Deciding the warmth and physical comfort of Bucky outweighed your embarrassment, you didn’t argue. Instead you mumbled an apology to Sam and Steve and tugged Bucky’s arm tighter around your waist.  Even in the dark, you could see him smile as he gave you a quick squeeze.


Your eyes started drooping about an hour into the movie, but you struggled against them. Bucky was certainly not helping, he had started rubbing small soothing circles up and down your arm. You rejoiced when you heard Sam snore before you passed out, but that was the last thing you knew for sure happened.

After that, you weren’t quite sure if the rest of the conversations you heard were real or dreams.

“So she likes you scruffy?” you thought you heard Steve ask with a laugh.

“Shut up, punk. I knew you were listening.” Bucky chuckled back.

“It’s entertaining. What can I say? So who’s this dame who never showed? I thought you were asking [he must have mouthed the name, because you didn’t hear it] out today…”  

Sam snored loudly in the background. And Bucky ran his metal fingers through your hair.

“I was. I did. But she didn’t reply so I thought she blew me off. When she never came back from her run, I went and found her. She seemed happy enough to spend some extra time with me.”

“So you took her on a date without her knowing it was a date?” Steve clarified.

You felt Bucky shrug, “Essentially.”

“And you couldn’t have told me she was safe?”

“Sorry, buddy. Once I was with her, I got a little distracted.”

“You’ve got it bad.”

You had no clue if you were dreaming but you guessed you were, considering what seemed like moments later Sam Wilson was arguing with Samwise Gamgee about who was more heroic while Legolas ate pizza in the background.


You woke cradled in Bucky’s arm as he picked you up off the couch.

“I can walk,” you mumbled around a yawn.

“Yeah, right.”

“If you can walk, you can run,” you heard Steve tease. “Go put on your workout clothes.”

You opened your eyes to glare at him, but found yourself slack-jawed at the sight of him. The early morning sun made his hair glow golden as he laid the blanket you had abandoned over Sam.

“You look like an angel, Stevezie. All golden.”

You heard his deep chuckle, but couldn’t force your eyes open to look at him.

“Get her to bed, Buck. She’s delusional.”

Bucky curled you closer to his chest and bent down to pick something up. Reflexively, you wrapped your arms around his neck to keep from falling, not that you ever thought he would drop you. You were barely jostled as he carried you to the elevator, hitting the button for your floor with his elbow.

Nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck, you felt the scratch of his beard on your cheek.

“Really do like you scruffy,” you mumbled into his skin.

“I’m glad. I’ll keep it in mind the next time I shave.”

You heard the smile in his voice. Before you knew it, you felt the softness of your mattress.

“Get some sleep, doll.”

“You too. Stay scruffy, Bucky,” you mumbled, laughing at your own joke a little too hard.

You could have sworn you felt Bucky brush his lips against your forehead as he pulled the blanket over you. The possibility left you grinning as you fell into a deep sleep.


Tags: @bexboo616, @shitty-imagines-95, @spookyscaryscully, @chamongangae

A/N: Happy Monday everybody. Here’s some Bucky fluff for ya. Hope you enjoyed it. The big lug just won’t get out of my head, so keep your eyes peeled for more. Tags are open! Feedback is lovely, kindness appreciated. 

Part 4 

A Mystic Meeting

Title: A Mystic Meeting aka the Mystic Messenger ficlet no one asked for and I still wrote

Fandom: Mystic Messenger
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: None
Categories: F/M
Relationships: MC x Zen
Word count: 6760

Summary: In which Rika actually dies (rotten bitch), V befriends MC and makes her a new member of the RFA, no drama happens, MC has multiple months to plan the event and actually get to know the characters and yet they never meet in that time…until they do. Enjoy.


It had been many months since MC had joined the RFA – almost half a year at this point! - and yet no one but V had met the mysterious girl and new organizer of their infamous parties. Sure enough she was added to the chat room and everyone was allowed to talk to her through texts and call, yet all the boys and Jaehee were more than eager to finally be able to put a face to the tender voice on the other side of the line, to the kind words and encouragement on the screen. Hell, the girl didn’t even have her own emoticons! The RFA members had nothing to go by and V was always cryptic about her, never revealing anything about how MC might look. At first everyone was rather frustrated about it, especially Yoosung.

Yoosung★:
Since Rika died he’s even more secretive. It’s not fair!!!
ZEN:
Calm down, Yoosung. I’m sure he has a reason.
Maybe MC just doesn’t want us to know what she looks like…
Yoosung★:
I don’t believe that. Why wouldn’t she want us to know?
707:
Maybe she’s really ugly?
Yoosung★:
SEVEN!!!
ZEN:

I can’t believe you!
No Lady is ugly!
Yoosung★:
Yes, Zen’s right!

Hold on a moment…
Didn’t you do a background check on her, Seven?
707:
Yes, so?
Yoosung★:
Shouldn’t you know what she looks like?
707:

V refused to let me look into those files!

ZEN:
So what you’re saying is, you don’t know what she looks like either?
We’re in the same boat for once?
707:
Yes…
ZEN
HA!

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3

fourteen.

Paulie had been staring at these numbers for the better part of the morning. She was lounging on her couch with her laptop propped up on her thighs, a half-empty and long gone cold cup of tea on her coffee table, and her eyes set on all the money in her savings account. In said savings account there was one hell of a lot of money. The money that her grandmother had left her, that Niall had suggested she used until she knew what it was she wanted to do with her life. It was sitting in the bank, untouched, and with the interest she got for it, it was basically just getting more and more by the day.

Paulie was fucking loaded and no one other than her close family and Niall knew about it.

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anonymous asked:

Prompt idea; I didn't much care for what they did to Alex's Character in Monday's episode. So I was wondering if you could fix it. Like when Maggie asks Alex what's wrong, Alex actually tells her it's Kara's Birthday and Maggie's like 'then why are we going to a concert we should be celebrating your sisters birthday??'. And instead of pushing Kara towards Mon-el maybe Sanvers gives her a push towards Lena?

Hope this is what you’re looking for. P.s. sorry for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes: 

Maggie’s said it before, and she’ll say it again, she knows Alex Danvers. 

It’s only been a few weeks and she already knows Alex’s state of mind with just one look, especially when she doesn’t pay attention because an Alex Danvers that is distracted is a distraught Alex Danvers, there’s not an instance that Alex isn’t one hundred percent focused on something, whether it’s something as trivial as a crossword puzzle or taking down an alien foe. So, when she’s distracted, Maggie knows that something is wrong, that something is eating at her. 

The brunette places her beer on the kitchen counter and narrows her eyes at the agent who was lost in deep thought, wringing her hands a little while staring at a fixed point on the ground. “Earth to Agent Danvers,” Maggie prompts playfully to get her girlfriend’s attention. Alex jumps a little, her eyes unfocused, before she shakes her head and brushes off the strange distraction as though it never even existed, as though Maggie hadn’t just caught her looking longingly at her hard wood floors and, trust her, those floors are nothing to be desired. “What’s up with you?” Maggie asks. She’s not being harsh in her questioning, in fact, she turns her head to the side and tilts one side of her lips up in a curious smile. 

“What? Me?” Alex asks, standing up straight and crossing her arms across her chest. “I’m fine, there’s nothing wrong.“ 

“Alex,” Maggie’s voice is full of disbelief and she comes around the counter so that she is face to face with Alex instead of having a counter between them. “come on.” The detective raises an eyebrow, telling Alex that she wasn’t buying it, not even for a second. 

“It’s Kara,” Alex admits, she can’t deny it when Maggie asks her, even if Alex is pretty new to the whole feelings thing, besides, it’s Kara and Alex kind of feels incredibly guilty for the way she just blew off her sister. “I think I hurt her feelings.” Alex confesses. 

Maggie nods her head a little and opens her mouth, not quite catching how or why Alex had hurt her sister’s feelings but understanding that the two of them had an inexplicable bond that, as an only child, she’d never really experienced before. “Okay…?” Maggie says uncertainly, watching as Alex played with her hands again and turned around before turning back. It was also rare that Alex Danvers got so torn up and wound up like this - again, the Kara effect. 

The agent pauses and contemplates for a moment. She’s not entirely sure if she should share this information with Maggie, it’s a tradition only her and Kara have, even Jeremiah and Eliza hadn’t really celebrated the tradition with them, it was a sister event, it wasn’t actually Kara’s birthday but it was the day that she arrived on earth and the day they officially became sisters, but Maggie knew that Kara was Supergirl, that she was not of this planet, so what harm could telling her about this really do? 

“It’s kind of… Well…” Alex grumbles in frustration, she’s not sure how to explain the day to anyone, she’s never had to before since no one, other than her inner most circle of people, her family, know of it already. “Thirteen years ago my sister came to earth,” Alex says and Maggie leans against the counter, her full attention trained on Alex and what she was saying. “she became my sister,” Alex states. “and every year we have what we call ‘Earth Birthday’, it’s kind of Kara’s birthday, and it’s kind of not… it’s hard to explain, actually, Kara’s actual age is kind of complicated, her biology-" 

"Stick on topic Danvers.” Maggie interrupts with amusement because of cause her bio-engineer girlfriend gets excited and intrigued mid-explanation by alien DNA. 

“Right,” Alex says, she had been pacing during her explanation and comes to a halt in front of Maggie, looking her in the eyes, her own eyes sparkling a little. “every year we celebrate, just the two us, together, every year. It’s a tradition I guess and… I, um, well, I kind of…” Alex sighs and rubs her face with her hands. “I kind of blew her off… to spend the day with you.” For a minute, Maggie is stunned, clearly this day was very important, not just to Alex but to Kara, every year they celebrated it, and Alex had just cancelled? For Maggie? The detective could not have that. 

She crosses her arms across her chest and examines Alex for a moment, it was obvious that she was wracked with guilt, that she knew that this wasn’t exactly the right thing to do, that maybe she’d made a mistake, Maggie can handle rejection, hell, she wouldn’t have even considered Alex turning her down for the concert as a rejection, not when it’s her alien sister’s birthday. Sometimes, Maggie honestly didn’t get Alex’s decision making. 

“Go, be with your sister.” Maggie says and Alex, who had taken an interest back into the hard wood floors, head snaps up in surprise and Maggie smiles slightly, her lopsided smile that Alex loved. “Come on Danvers, why are we going to a concert? We should be celebrating your sister’s birthday,” Maggie says, stepping forward so she was only a few inches away from her girlfriend. “look, I appreciate that you want to spend time with me, actually, I love that you want to spend time with me,” Maggie was attempting to be honest. “but family is important too, and you shouldn’t have to sacrifice one relationship for the other. So,” Maggie smiles. “I’ll talk to my friend who’s working security, maybe I can get an extra ticket and Kara can come along. Of course only after you two have spent some time together." 

Alex pauses for a long moment, so long that Maggie thinks that maybe she was just never going to reply, before she breaks out into a huge smile and wraps her girlfriend up into a tight hug, planting a loving kiss to her cheek. She pulls back and places a quick peck on her lips and Maggie starts smiling like a brainless starstruck idiot as Alex spurs into motion - ah, the Alex effect. "You are seriously the best,” Alex says. “wait, do we have any cupcakes?”

//

A part of Alex thought that Kara wouldn’t open her apartment door and she’d be left standing there with a cupcake until the candle dwindled down to nothing and her human legs gave out to exhaustion but, of course, Kara does answer the door. 

The door opens slowly and Kara appears in the doorway with a semi-smile, it’s almost the familiar Kara smile except Alex knows her sister all too well, and she knows when something is bothering her, and something is bothering her - beyond just Alex that was. 

“Happy earth birthday, please don’t send me away,” Alex gives her little sister a wide, hopeful, grin and the blonde laughs, scuffing her sock clad foot against the floor. “I come in peace, look, I even brought a cupcake, it has a K.” Kara shakes her head and the smile that had been tempting her lips before tugs even more at the corners. 

“Is this your apology?” Kara questions playfully and Alex softens a little, feeling that guilt again. 

“I am,” Alex says and Kara leans against her door. “sorry that is.” Alex clarifies and Kara stares at her for a moment, her eyes drifting all over Alex’s face and, admittedly, lingering longingly on the cupcake. 

“You are forgiven,” Kara says carefully, stops eyeing the cupcake, and Alex almost rolls her eyes at Kara’s laser like focus on the cupcake - of course Kara was distracted by the food. 

“Go on, blow it out,” Alex encourages and the blonde’s face lights up. “gently!” Alex adds, remembering all the past birthdays when Kara had been distracted and forgot she sometimes had superbreath - they hadn’t exactly been the best experiences and Alex wasn’t keen to relive them either. 

Kara chuckles a little and leans forward to deliver a gentle blow that takes the candle out easily. Alex hands the cupcake over and Kara takes it with her broad smile and practically skips into the apartment leaving Alex to close the door and follow. 

The blonde grabs a plate from her cabinet and then some cutlery to split the cupcake in half for them to share. “So what changed your mind?” Kara asks curiously, sucking on her thumb afterwards to remove some icing that had gotten onto it. 

“Honestly,” Alex says, taking a seat across from her little sister. “Maggie.” Kara looks up at that and raises an eyebrow. 

“Really?” Kara asks dropping her knife in favour for a fork to eat the cupcake with. 

“She reminded me of what’s important,” Alex admits and Kara glances down at that, smiling softly at the confession. “and I mean, not just that but, you’re my sister, I’ve always got time for you Kara." 

"It hurt my feelings,” Kara admits, cupcake momentarily forgotten. “it’s just, with everything that’s happening with James and Winn and then Mon-El,” Kara makes a waving gesture with her hand, as though she was erasing all the bad out of the air, before she leans forward on the counter with a deep sigh. “I’ve been feeling, I don’t know, alone I guess.” Alex stays silent at Kara’s confession, knowing that, if she interrupted now, Kara wouldn’t explain all the way, and Alex wasn’t going to hand out advice on half baked truths - that never worked out well. "I just wanted to forget about all that and just spend time with my sister, you know, at least I still have you, and then when you blew me off I just… hurt my feelings.“ Kara shrugs half-heartedly and Alex’s eyes soften in response. 

"Kara,” Alex says, reaching across the table with her palm up and open, Kara stares at it for a moment, before she places her hand against it and Alex squeezes it softly. “I’m here. Always.” Kara nods at that and Alex withdraws her hand having comforted her sister. 

“Maggie’s new you know, I’ve never felt like this about anyone, never been this crazy,” Kara smiles at that, despite everything, she really was happy that Alex was happy. “it’s always just been me and you, you know, no one was really worth my time before Maggie, just you.” Kara chuckles a little and takes a bite from the cupcake and Alex grabs the other fork for herself. 

“So I’m trying to find a balance… because you’re really important to me, super important to me,” Kara snorts a little at that and Alex smiles in response. “I’m not going anywhere Kara, you know that right?” Alex nudges her foot against Kara’s leg, she’s honestly not even sure if Kara feels small nudges like that but she’s pretty sure she does. “You are not alone." Kara smiles so brightly that Alex wonders if maybe she absorbed too much of the suns energy and, before she can really process the moment, Kara is wrapping her in a tight hug, hard enough to make Alex a little breathless, but gentle enough that she wasn’t breaking any ribs. 

Alex chuckles at her sister’s enthusiasm but pulls back slowly from the hug, examining her carefully with a skeptical look. "What?” Kara asks, looking down at herself, wondering if she had cupcake around her mouth or something. 

“There’s something else bothering you,” Alex states, it’s not even a question, she knows Kara like she was herself. 

“No, nothing- nothing’s wrong.” Kara says in a way that tells Alex that there most certainly is something wrong. 

“Oh really? Because I’m thinking there’s a certain someone who you’ve been denying your feelings for.” Alex says as Kara sheepishly steps back to stand behind the counter. 

“Who? Mon-El? I already told him that I don’t like him like that-" 

"God no, that’s not who I mean.” Alex narrows her eyes and Kara has a sudden interest in the cupcake, playing with it with her fork. 

“James? I told you that-" 

"Not James either,” Alex interrupts again, crossing her arms across her chest. “I’m thinking dark hair, green eyes, owner of a huge company…” Kara shakes her head stubbornly, playing dumb. “Her name rhymes with Shema hoother…” That might just be the most ridiculous sentence that Alex has ever said in her life and still Kara just plays dumb, shrugging her shoulders to exaggerate that she wasn’t getting what Alex was saying. 

“Oh my- Lena Luthor! You know who I’m talking about.” Kara purses her lips at that before biting it and shrinking back slightly. 

Lena? Lena Luthor? Luthor? I don’t… pfftwhat? No, I don’t have feelings for Lena.” Kara says, suddenly very flustered, and that was severely unconvincing to Alex. 

Alex raises her eyebrows in disbelief and holds Kara’s gaze until she finally gives up the playing dumb act. “Yeah okay, I do,” Kara sighs and begins playing with the crumbs of the cupcake. “it’s just- Rao! I don’t even know Alex, it’s like she can see right through me, like, she smiles at me and I sometimes forget that I can fly, she makes me feel powerless, but in a vulnerable I’m falling kind of way, but there’s this history, you know, a Super and a Luthor? What kind of fanfiction is that?" 

"First of all,” Alex says with amusement. “fanfiction? I thought you said you hadn’t been hanging out with Winn as much?” Kara lets out a breath of a laugh at that. “Secondly, I know how that feels, it’s scary-" 

Terrifying.“ Kara says offhandedly. 

"Exactly, but, sometimes, some risks are worth taking,” Alex says gently, which seems to resonate with the blonde on some level. “I guess the only question you have to ask yourself is, is Lena Luthor worth the risk?” Alex says which sends Kara stewing in thought. The blonde blows out her cheeks and then sighs as a far away look forms on her face and, if Alex had to hazard a guess, she’d say that Kara definitely thought Lena was worth the risk. 

There’s a moment of silence between them, of Kara stewing in her thoughts, before Kara seemingly snaps out of it with her own conclusion made. “You’re right.” Kara says and those two words are enough for Alex to know that Kara had made her decision. 

“So what’s the plan for tonight?” Kara asks, changing the subject back to the blonde’s earth birthday. “It’s too late to take those dance classes.” Kara was down for lazing around in her apartment with her sister, watching old movies, or catching up on TV shows, while eating two whole pizzas, but Alex had a glint in her eyes, as though she has something else planned. 

“Well, first we can sit around, order potstickers and pizza-" 

"Potstickers and pizza? You really are sorry.” Kara teases and Alex rolls her eyes playfully. 

“Then later Maggie’s going to come by and we’re all going to go to that concert together, that’s got to be better than line dancing lessons.” Alex says, teasing her sister. Kara laughs and polishes off her cupcake with Alex before she responds. 

“That whole balancing thing?” Kara asks. “I think you’re getting better at it.” Alex beams at that and Kara stands up, practically leaping with happiness, a total contrast to what she had been a few hours ago, and Maggie was totally right, she shouldn’t have to sacrifice any of these two amazing relationships in her life for either one. 

At the concert, Kara even calls Lena (which Maggie is weirdly crazy supportive of - especially after witnessing Supergirl’s and Lena’s dynamic before), telling her that they need to talk, and the rest of the night was spent with the three of them singing their hearts out until their voices were sore, well, all except Kara of course. And maybe Alex had to give Maggie a piggy back at one point, teasing her for her height, and maybe later they made the girl of steel piggy back the both of them - that didn’t exactly end well though.

the problem with being the hero...

and banging the bad guy.

This was supposed to be some angsty smut, but it turned into Link having something of an existential crisis. Whatever. 

Uh, have some Link struggling with existentialism and trying to reconcile being the Hero of Courage and having a relationship with Power below the cut!

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