being gay is tough especially when it comes to relationships like??? straight people get to start so much earlier, and now im just starting to put myself out there at nineteen. i still have to go through my awkward dating phase and learn what it means to be in a relationship. a lot of gay ppl my age are going through the same thing, but we’re expected to be adults about it when we don’t know what the fuck we’re doing, which is why a lot of young gay people usually just end up having sexual relationships because that way we feel adult in our relationships and attraction when the truth is we are still just beginning and trying to figure things out for ourselves.
im a lesbian, and i know this, but because of there being so little representation of wlw (and when there is, half of the time it’s written by straight people who don’t know what they’re doing) I can’t imagine what a relationship with a woman is supposed to be like. I don’t know if how I feel attraction is genuine or a remnant of compulsory heterosexuality and heteronormativity. I don’t know if the relationship I’m imagining is healthy or a part of the heterosexual relationship dynamic that I’ve learned to know as the default. when you learn relationships are supposed to be one way, how else can you imagine them being??? when you’re a wlw who has never been in a relationship with another woman it’s hard to imagine having a girlfriend or a wife and when that happens it’s easy to doubt your attraction to women, and that’s scary.
dating when you’re gay is scary in more ways than being afraid to hold hands in public, it’s scary in being an adult going through this kind of stuff everyone else went through when they were 14. you feel so stuck behind and doubt yourself at every turn. straight people don’t get that.