it is my fault that i feel alone

Sometimes it’s really hard not to break down. I dont have the right to be as sad as I am but my feelings get the best of me. I’m just really sad guys and I have no one to call or reach out to and it only reminds me how alone I am. I wish I managed to become an important person in someone’s life and not some dispensable person, but it’s my fault for being such a horrible bitter person. I only have myself to blame. I hate the pathetic person I grew up to be. I wish I could make it up to my parents for wasting their years raising me

The Importance of The Unlikable Heroine

I’ve always had this tendency to apologize for everything—even things that aren’t my fault, things that actually hurt me or were wrongs against me.

It’s become automatic, a compulsion I am constantly fighting. Even more disturbingly, I’ve discovered in conversations with my female friends that I’m not alone in feeling this impulse to be pleasant, to apologize needlessly, to resist showing anger.

After all, if you’re a woman and you demonstrate anger, you’re a bitch, a harpy, a shrew. You’re told to smile more because you will look prettier; you’re told to calm down even when whatever anger or otherwise “unseemly” emotion you’re experiencing is perfectly justified.

If you don’t, no one will like you, and certainly no one will love you.

I’m not sure when this apologetic tendency of mine emerged. Maybe it began during childhood; maybe the influence of social gender expectations had already begun to affect me on a subconscious level. But if I had to guess, I would assume it emerged later, when I became aware through advertisements, media, and various unquantifiable social pressures of what a girl should be—how to act, how to dress, what to say, what emotions are okay and what emotions are not.

Essentially, I became aware of what I should do, as a girl, to be liked, and of how desperate I should be to achieve that state.

Being liked would be the pinnacle of my personal achievement. I could accomplish things, sure—make good grades, go to a good school, have a stellar career. But would I be liked during all of this? That was the important thing.

It angers me that I still struggle with this. It angers me that even though I’m an intelligent, accomplished adult woman, I still experience automatic pangs of inadequacy and shame when I perceive myself to have somehow disappointed these unfair expectations. I can’t always seem to get my emotions under control, and yet I must—because sometimes those emotions are angry or unpleasant or, God forbid, unattractive, and therefore will inconvenience someone or make someone uncomfortable.

Maybe that’s why, in my fiction—both the stories I read and the stories I write—I’ve always gravitated toward what some might call “unlikable” heroines.

It’s difficult to define “unlikability”; the term itself is nebulous. If you asked ten different people to define unlikability, you would probably receive ten different answers. In fact, I hesitated to write this piece simply because art is not a thing that should be quantified, or shoved into “likable” and “unlikable” components.

But then there are those pangs of mine, that urge to apologize for not being the right kind of woman. Insidious expectations lurk out there for our girls—both real and fictional—to be demure and pleasant, to wilt instead of rally, to smile and apologize and hide their anger so they don’t upset the social construct—even when such anger would be expected, excused, even applauded, in their male counterparts.

So for my purposes here, I’ll define a “likable heroine” as one who is unobjectionable. She doesn’t provoke us or challenge our expectations. She is flawed, but not offensively. She doesn’t make us question whether or not we should like her, or what it says about us that we do.

Let me be clear: There is nothing wrong with these “likable” heroines. I can think of plenty such literary heroines whom I adore:

Fire in Kristin Cashore’s Fire. Karou in Laini Taylor’s Daughter of Smoke and Bone series. Jo March in Little Women. Lizzie Bennet in Pride and Prejudice. The Penderwick sisters in Jeanne Birdsall’s delightful Penderwicks series. Arya (at least, in the early books) in A Song of Ice and Fire. Sarah from A Little Princess. Meg Murry from A Wrinkle in Time. Matilda in Roald Dahl’s classic book of the same name.

These heroines are easy to love and root for. They have our loyalty on the first page, and that never wavers. We expect to like them, for them to be pleasant, and they are. Even their occasional unpleasantness, as in the case of temperamental Jo March, is endearing.

What, then, about the “unlikable” heroines?

These are the “difficult” characters. They demand our love but they won’t make it easy. The unlikable heroine provokes us. She is murky and muddled. We don’t always understand her. She may not flaunt her flaws but she won’t deny them. She experiences moral dilemmas, and most of the time recognizes when she has done something wrong, but in the meantime she will let herself be angry, and it isn’t endearing, cute, or fleeting. It is mighty and it is terrifying. It puts her at odds with her surroundings, and it isn’t always easy for readers to swallow.

She isn’t always courageous. She may not be conventionally strong; her strength may be difficult to see. She doesn’t always stand up for herself, or for what is right. She is not always nice. She is a hellion, a harpy, a bitch, a shrew, a whiner, a crybaby, a coward. She lies even to herself.

In other words, she fails to walk the fine line we have drawn for our heroines, the narrow parameters in which a heroine must exist to achieve that elusive “likability”:

Nice, but not too nice.

Badass, but not too badass, because that’s threatening.

Strong, but ultimately pliable.

(And, I would add, these parameters seldom exist for heroes, who enjoy the limitless freedoms of full personhood, flaws and all, for which they are seldom deemed “unlikable” but rather lauded.)

Who is this “unlikable” heroine?

She is Amy March from Little Women. She is Briony from Ian McEwan’s Atonement. Katsa from Kristin Cashore’s Graceling. Jane Austen’s Emma Woodhouse. Sansa from A Song of Ice and Fire. Mary from The Secret Garden. She is Philip Pullman’s Lyra, and C. S. Lewis’s Susan, and Rowling’s first-year Hermione Granger. She is Katniss Everdeen. She is Scarlett O’Hara.

These characters fascinate me. They are arrogant and violent, reckless and selfish. They are liars and they are resentful and they are brash. They are shallow, not always kind. They may be aggressive, or not aggressive enough; the parameters in which a female character can acceptably display strength are broadening, but still dishearteningly narrow. I admire how the above characters embrace such “unbecoming” traits (traits, I must point out, that would not be noteworthy in a man; they would simply be accepted as part of who he is, no questions asked).

These characters learn from their mistakes, and they grow and change, but at the end of the day, they can look at themselves in the mirror and proclaim, “Here I am. This is me. You may not always like me—I may not always like me—but I will not be someone else because you say I should be. I will not lose myself to your expectations. I will not become someone else just to be liked.”

When I wrote my first novel, The Cavendish Home for Boys and Girls, I knew some readers would have a hard time stomaching the character of Victoria. She is selfish, arrogant, judgmental, rigid, and sometimes cruel. Even at the end of the novel, by which point she has evolved tremendously, she isn’t particularly likable, if we go with the above definition.

I had similar concerns about the heroine of my second novel, The Year of Shadows. Olivia Stellatella is a moody twelve-year-old who isolates herself from her peers at school, from her father, from everything that could hurt her. Her circumstances at the beginning of the novel are inarguably terrible: Her mother abandoned their family several months prior, with no explanation. Her father conducts the city orchestra, which is on the verge of bankruptcy. He neglects his daughter in favor of saving his livelihood. He sells their house and moves them into the symphony hall’s storage rooms, where Olivia sleeps on a cot and lives out of a suitcase. She calls him The Maestro, refusing to call him Dad. She hates him. She blames him for her mother leaving.

Olivia is angry and confused. She is sarcastic, disrespectful, and she tells her father exactly what she thinks of him. She lashes out at everyone, even the people who want to help her. Sometimes her anger blinds her, and she must learn how to recognize that.

I knew Olivia’s anger would be hard for some readers to understand, or that they would understand but still not like her.

This frightened me.

As a new author, the prospect of writing these heroines—these selfish, angry, difficult heroines—was a daunting one. What if no one liked them? What if, by extension, no one liked me?

But I’ve allowed the desire to be liked thwart me too many times. The fact that I nearly let my fear discourage me from telling the stories of these two “unlikable” girls showed me just how important it was to tell their stories.

I know my friends and I aren’t the only women who feel that constant urge to apologize, to demur, to rein in anger and mutate it into something more socially acceptable.

I know there are girls out there who, like me at age twelve—like Olivia, like Victoria—are angry or arrogant or confused, and don’t know how to handle it. They see likable girls everywhere—on the television, in movies, in books—and they accordingly paste on strained smiles and feel ashamed of their unladylike grumpiness and ambition, their unseemly aggression.

I want these girls to read about Victoria and Olivia—and Scarlett, Amy, Lyra, Briony—and realize there is more to being a girl than being liked. There is more to womanhood than smiling and apologizing and hiding those darker emotions.

I want them to sift through the vast sea of likable heroines in their libraries and find more heroines who are not always happy, not always pleasant, not always good. Heroines who make terrible decisions. Heroines who are hungry and ambitious, petty and vengeful, cowardly and callous and selfish and gullible and unabashedly sensual and hateful and cunning. Heroines who don’t always act particularly heroic, and don’t feel the need to, and still accept themselves at the end of the day regardless.

Maybe the more we write about heroines like this, the less susceptible our girl readers will be to the culture of apology that surrounds them.

Maybe they will grow up to be stronger than we are, more confident than we are. Maybe they will grow up in a world brimming with increasingly complex ideas about what it means to be a heroine, a woman, a person.

Maybe they will be “unlikable” and never even think of apologizing for it.

Important words to remember:

“I’m being blamed for the unfortunate events in his life that are a product of his decisions, not mine.”

“I’m not going to allow you or your client to make it seem like this is in any way my fault, because it isn’t.”

Loves, let’s always remember this, even when it is incredibly difficult. Victim blaming is something many of us have and will face. Just remember who you are, and that we are never alone.

How do I feel?

I feel alone. I can’t let people in, I’ll only get hurt. I feel scared. Not only of people and places, but myself too. What of I lose control? I feel guilty. It’s all my fault I’m like this. I just can’t seem to change myself. But how is it that I feel all of those feelings, and still feel nothing?

Why am I single?
Am I stopping myself from falling in love? Or am I truly just not falling for anyone? I don’t know which option I fear more. If the first is true, then I may be dooming myself to a life alone. If it’s the second, well, that wouldn’t be my fault, would it? But it’s no less discouraging to think that no one in my world could ever interest me.

I get crushes sometimes, yes, but (and this sounds weird) I can’t even tell how serious they are. I second-guess my own feelings constantly. Do I really like this person, or am I just fooling myself? All too often, it feels like I’m imagining I like them just because I like the idea of being madly in love. It’s more about the idea than the actual person.

I can create an image around a person that obscures who they really are, and pretty soon I’m in love with the image, but all the while in my gut I know that the image is not accurate and what I’m actually in love with is an illusion. That’s not true love. I know that. So I don’t allow myself to actually engage with the person, because I know it’s not what I think it is. In that sense, I guess you could say I do keep myself from falling in love… but not without reason.

You see, in every case, I see red flags. Even beyond the smokescreen of the fantasy image I create around a person, these red flags are always visible to my deeper instinct. And when I say “red flags,” I mean intrinsic qualities or ingrained habits that I do not want in a romantic partner. Things that the person obviously either could not or would not change. Things that I am ultimately just not okay with. They stand out to my subconscious mind, flashing cold warning lights, spelling doom for any hope of a relationship with that person.

If I didn’t see these kinds of red flags, I like to think that I would do it. I would move forward. I would give the person a chance. But when I see these kinds of things beforehand, plain as day… I mean, am I supposed to ignore them? So far, I have not been able to do that. I know what I want, and I know what I do not want. Why should I walk straight into a situation that I know is not what I want? Won’t I be kicking myself later for making such a stupid move, eyes wide open?

At the end of the day, I wonder:

Will there ever be someone who doesn’t strike me as full of warning signs, someone I won’t have to invent a mostly false image around so that I can pretend to have a crush on them?

Will I just end up caving in and dating someone who is below my standards?

Am I keeping myself from happiness, or sparing myself genuine heartache and wasted time?

As always, the standard answer to all my life’s questions resurfaces: I don’t know.

—  Submitted by @angelwithashatteredheart

anonymous asked:

Sns is so overrated, the Kishi had to force us readers that naruto and sasuke have a "strong bond" it was annoying asf. Vegeta and Goku, Gon and Killua, and the best for last Yusuke and Kuwabara still a better friendship than sns lmao. Take it all in, sns tards st of them can disagree and still be friends when sns Sasuke had to be force to naruto's views by force!! I feel sympathy for Sasuke all alone at least Karin loves him for who he was unlike T7 and Naruto hypocrite bitch ass.

Oh God… What did I do to receive this kind of nonsense? Pft.

Look, my friend, I do not care if they’re the best for you, what does that have to do with me? Nothing. You’re talking about your options against mine, but you know? Nothing and nobody is going to change my preference. :P

It is not my fault that Kishimoto created the SNS bond for years.
It is not my fault that the SNS has an acceptable development.
It is not my fault they both kissed.
It is not my fault they both protected each other.
It is not my fault that both are complements.
It is not my fault that they are both soulmates.
It is not my fault that both are characters that are accepted as they are.
It is not my fault that Naruto loves Sasuke.
It is not my fault that Sasuke loves Naruto.
It is not my fault that Naruto prefers Sasuke before everyone else.
It is not my fault that Sasuke prefers Naruto before everyone else.
It is not my fault Sasuke was willing to give his life for Naruto.
It is not my fault that Naruto was willing to give his life for Sasuke.
It is not my fault that Naruto was always thinking about Sasuke.
It is not my fault Sasuke surrendered to Naruto’s appreciation.

I’m afraid I can not finish. But to make you burn more…

Long live SNS. ♡

Everything is in the manga and I can not change any of that. ^^ 

Thanks, but I would have respected it if you had only shared it with less antisonant words. 

Good luck next time. 

Drabble List #2

New drabble prompt list! Feel free to reblog!

  1. “That’s how the story goes.”
  2. “None of this is your fault.”
  3. “I know it hurts.”
  4. “Are you serious?”
  5. “You’re safe now.”
  6. “No one’s going to hurt you.”
  7. “I don’t understand.”
  8. “This isn’t what I wanted.”
  9. “My head hurts.”
  10. “I’m right here, okay?”
  11. “Wow, you look… amazing.”
  12. “Are you okay?”
  13. “Who did this?”
  14. “I made a mistake.”
  15. “When I’m with you, I’m home.”
  16. “There’s nothing I can do anymore.”
  17. “This is going to hurt.”
  18. “That was kind of hot.”
  19. “Please don’t let me be alone.”
  20. “Don’t try to fix me. I’m not broken.”
  21. “It’s never too late to get back up again.”
  22. “What if one day I wake up and you don’t?”
  23. “I immediately regret this decision.”
  24. “I’m not okay.”
  25. “I’m scared.”
  26. “You’re the one thing keeping me sane right now.”
  27. “Please stay with me.”
  28. “Please help me.”
  29. “It’s okay to cry.”
  30. “Is that blood?”
  31. “Can I kiss you?”
  32. “You’re everything to me.”
  33. “I’d like to see you try.”
  34. “Are you testing me?”
  35. “I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re beautiful.”
  36. “I’m lost without you.”
  37. “You have my word.”
  38. “I’m just tired.”
  39. “It just… hurts.”
  40. “Do you promise?”
  41. “I’m not drunk enough for this.”
  42. “Why are you shaking?”
  43. “I never meant to hurt you.”
  44. “Is that my shirt?”
  45. “Please don’t shut me out.”
  46. “Go back to sleep.”
  47. “I can take care of myself just fine.”
  48. “This is new.”
  49. “Take off your shirt.”
  50. “Be you. No one else can.”
  51. “I can’t breathe.”
  52. “Are you going to talk to me?”
  53. “I’m sorry.”
  54. “They’re gone.”
  55. “Just smile. I really need you to smile right now.”
  56. “Would you just hold still?”
  57. “I miss the way things used to be.”
  58. “Am I dead?”
  59. “Look at me.”
  60. “Can we just pretend like we’re normal for once?”
  61. “I told you not to fall in love with me.”
  62. “Please shut up. Just shut up.”
  63. “Please tell me it’s going to be okay.”
  64. “Yell, scream, cry, please, just say something, anything.”
  65. “When you smile, I fall apart.”
  66. “If I die, I’m never speaking to you again.”
  67. “If you don’t want to talk about it then say so. Don’t lie and pretend to be fine when you clearly aren’t.”
  68. “This isn’t what it looks like.”
  69. “I just really miss talking to you.”
  70. “I can’t do this on my own.”
  71. “I’ve got you.”
  72. “We’ll figure this out.”
  73. “Please don’t say goodbye.”
  74. “You’ve shown me what love can feel like.”
  75. “You make me feel alive.”
  76. “I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”
  77. “There is nothing wrong with you.”
  78. “I’m just looking out for you.”
  79. “Be careful.”
  80. “You owe me.”
  81. “Come with me.”
  82. “I trust you.”
  83. “I didn’t want you to see this.”
  84. “I’ve been praying for you.”
  85. “Take my jacket. It’s cold outside.”
  86. “I’ll walk you home.”
  87. “Let me help.”
  88. “Come here.”
  89. “You’re holding back.”
  90. “Remember when we were little?”
  91. “We’re all a little stronger than we think we are.”
  92. “Don’t sell yourself short.”
  93. “This isn’t who I am.”
  94. “I’m willing to wait for it.”
  95. “Are you ready for this?”
  96. “You can do this.”
  97. “Your life was my life’s best part.”
  98. “You were always gold to me.”
  99. “Don’t look at me like that.”
  100. “I’m fine with where I am now.”
  101. “We all want to be somebody.”
  102. “Promise me you’ll come back.”
  103. “I don’t know anyone else who can make me feel this way.”
  104. “I’ve never felt stronger than when you’re with me.”
  105. “I believe in you.”
First words [One-shot]

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU READ!

First!

This little one-shot was inspired on two things:

-My relationship with my sister

-The manga “Shugo Chara”. For those who know the manga, it’s based from the chapter when the guardians go to Yaya’s house.

Second!

I tried to adjust Blueprint’s story to PaperJam’s story. So, since (according to his description) he lived with Ink until a certain age, he met Blueprint before the others. I also tried to make him the most canonically possible, but adjusting his personality to the story.

Third!

As you may know, English is not my first language. I deeply apologise if there are any Errors in the story. I checked it lots of times and hope there’s not a single Error ovo

 

DISCLAIMER:

*Ink!Sans belongs to @comyet

*PaperJam/PJ belongs to @7goodangel (I’m sorry if I didn’t make PJ’s personality too well. I tried to stick the “a jerk on the outside but a big child inside” part and this was what I got. Sorry ;u;)

Secondary characters

*Gradient belongs to @askcomboclub

*Moku belongs to  @6agentgg9

*Palette belongs to  @angexci 

And last, but not least

*Blueprint belongs to, well, me! 

Hope you guys like it!

****************

This will be narrated from PaperJam’s perspective.

 

I never was good with new people. And I wasn’t very happy when you came.


One day, Ink just came “home” with a baby, claiming that it was my “new brother”. I didn’t understand what was he saying with that, and then he showed you to me, my new little brother.

I wasn’t happy with this. I didn’t want a brother. I mean, Ink couldn’t even take care of me, why would he want to have another one? To let them here alone and forgotten with me? Wow, good plan, dad. However, he told me that you only would be staying with us for a day so I could get to know you, since bonding with brothers was very important and blah blah blah…

We spend a few hours talking about you and how you came to life. Apparently, you were just an accident, but not a bad one. And since he created you, you were my brother. Well, step-brother, because Blueberry was the other one that created you. I couldn’t help but feel a little bit jealous… you were going to have caring parents and a better life than mine. What if Ink actually forgot entirely about me?

Yeah, the idea of having a brother was becoming less and less “exciting” to me.

But then, just before I started to think more things like that (which I thought was very rare for me), Ink suddenly had to go (I wasn’t surprised, with his work of protecting AUs and all; he barely had time to be here), cutting our conversation just when I actually started to enjoy it. Ink stood from the sofa and was about to open a portal when he realised something important:

Who was going to take care of you?

He told me that Blueberry and… Honey… I think, were with the other versions of them and he couldn’t take you to wherever they were. So, he had only one option… that I didn’t like, at all.


Why I had to take care of you?! I didn’t ask him for a brother and I didn’t know how to take care of a baby. I was five years old! I was starting to learn how to write and read! I remember arguing with him for a while, until I had to accept.

But not without asking something in return, of course.

In the end, he went to do whatever he needed and I was left alone with you. An awkward atmosphere formed where we were, since you found my face very interesting and kept your eyes on me for a really long time. I tried my best to ignore you, but you were too much persisting and even threw me some mini bones at me to gain my attention.

What a smart baby, huh? Well, we were magic skeleton monsters after all. But it was becoming annoying.

“What do you want?” I asked you and you only looked at me and babbled something. I instantly felt stupid, remembering that Ink told me you haven’t said your first word yet. how would you even tell me what you needed? You kept looking at me and then, surprisingly, your stomach made a noise.

Right… now I had to feed you.

Making something for you was horrible. I mean, we were in the Anti-Void and only had some snacks since we didn’t really need to eat, but being you a recently made creation, obviously needed to consume something, even if you had your HP full. Eventually, I found some milk and gave it to you, ending getting milk on my face and shirt because you apparently didn’t know how to drink it.

That was enough for me.

Usually, I’m not a person that gets mad easily. However, I did get mad that time. I stood abruptly from my seat and went to clean my face, leaving you alone on the sofa. Ink told me to not leave you, but I didn’t care. I wanted to be alone and so I did. I went to my bedroom (well, it’s not a real bedroom… just a bed that Ink made for me) and stayed here for a few hours. Maybe three or four…

It wasn’t until I heard a soft sound that I didn’t get up from my bed. And when I did, I instantly paled: You were lying on the floor crying softly. Your soft cries barely reaching my non-existent ears. And it wasn’t the worst. No, no.

You were blushing and sweating a lot. Were you sick? In that moment I didn’t know.

Quickly, I went to your side and picked you up, checking if you had hurt yourself from the fall. Luckily you didn’t have any bruises, but your skull was very hot. Now you were sick? And I was alone.

Great!

How you could get sick so easily and fast? I didn’t understand that at all! Was that the real reason of why Ink brought you here? So he could watch over you while Blueberry and Honey were busy? If that was the reason, he was very irresponsibly by leaving you with me: a child, taking care of another child!

I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t use magic to help you, I couldn’t ask Ink for help, I couldn’t open a portal and find Blueberry… I couldn’t do anything. And I was scared.

What if something happened? What if you started to feel worse? What if…

What if you died?

Those thoughts were swirling in my head, making me fell worst and worst. I didn’t want you to die.

Come on! You had a great life ahead! You would have a caring family and friends and maybe… maybe we would have been friends! I should have watched you. Maybe if I haven’t left you alone…

I couldn’t help to feel guilty, even knowing that it wasn’t my fault that got sick. In that moment, I didn´t cared about anything, just you.

It was in that moment when Ink decided that he should go home, and so he did. He came to the Anti-Void and found me on the sofa, hugging you like it was the last time I’d see you and honestly, that’s what I thought. He rushed to my side, worryingly asking what was wrong. I wasted no time and explained him what happened, apologising for being a bad brother and almost crying

Almost, ok?

What I wasn’t expecting was that Ink just took you and, with a quick spell, healed you. I mean, I knew magic were fast and efficient but, that was just too fast. When I asked him why, he explained that you were having some problems with your soul.

You see, brother (and also you, reader), Ink told me you were created without a soul, since you were just a magic drawing. So, he made an artificial one for you with the same paint he used to create you. Apparently, he didn’t want you to become like some “evil flower”.

Your soul was like your eyes: a blue diamond. And that soul was filled with Prussian blue paint that could give you the emotions you needed. It seemed like your body wasn’t used to having it yet and would make you sick from time to time. I didn’t quite understand that, but I was relieved when he said you would be fine.

The rest of the day was peaceful. Ink and I talked about random things while you slept. It was… nice, being with them like we were a family. That’s what we are, right? Yeah, right.

Eventually it was time to bring you back home. Ink said that you won’t be coming anytime soon because he wanted to protect you from dangerous people (aka, Error). It kind of made me sad, not being able to talk you again for a long time, but… it had to be done, hadn’t it? Ink made a portal back to Underswap and gave me time to say goodbye to you. After that, he started to walk to the portal, stopping when you started to squirm under his grasp.

Curious, I walked to the portal. You immediately looked at me and gave me a huge simile, saying (or trying to say) something that made us look at you in surprise:

My name. Yes, my name!

It was kind of babbled and wasn’t my full name but… It was your very first word. And it wasn’t “dad” or “mom”… no, it was “PJ”

You didn’t have idea of how happy you made me that day. The day when I found you, disliked you and then liked you and accepted the idea that we were brothers. And, in the bottom of my soul, I hoped to see you again.

Maybe having a little brother wouldn’t be that bad, right?

————————————–


I hope you liked it! It was an idea I had for while uvu and really needed to make it. We now know more about Print and PJ’s relationship. I won’t say PJ likes him because he’s not my character and don’t want to say incorrect things (since he isn’t one to make friends). So, I only will say that Blueprint’s first words made him very happy.

I’m sorry if it looks rushed, but this isn’t a story. It just PaperJam talking with Blueprint and telling him the story (with some people spying on them(?))

Honestly my favourite thing about the new magnus chase book is that it shows how much rick riordan has listened. He listened to people’s complaints about lack of representation, and attempted to rectify it in hoo with a largely poc main cast and an lgbt character. And then he listened to people’s complaints about the way he was representing his characters (the main one I remember is that nico never actually says he’s gay, in fact the word is never used), and he fixed that in toa and now mcga with apollo being very open about his attraction to different genders and then alex stating outright that s/he is transgender and genderfluid (please dear god let everyone remember that alex doesn’t use they/them pronouns).

And honestly, more than that, he’s gone above and beyond what anyone asked him to. You can tell he’s done his research, and he’s done it well. In hot (I’m not calling it thot) alone he touches on so many subjects like police violence, racism, lgbt homelessness, religion, and he does it all so respectfully and thoughtfully that honestly, from my position, I can’t find any fault.

Rick Riordan heard what people had to say about his books, and he sat down, listened, took notes, aced his test, and then did an extra credit assignment no one even asked him to just because he wants to learn. And honestly it just feels….so refreshing.

break the chain

happy birthday @carryonsimoncarryon!!

length: 3.7k

genre(s): angst+fluff

triggers/warnings: none

simon and baz get in a fight during 7th year and end up magically handcuffed together 

a/n: thank you @cherryonsimon for ur beta skills and brutal honesty :p AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY BAILEY!!!! ENJOY BEING OLD 💜💜

(if the readmore doesn’t work then just click the url and it will take you to the post ^__^)



Simon

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

My jaw drops and I stare at Agatha. She doesn’t look like she’s joking, and I start to feel sick.

“What?”

“I want to break up.”

“But–but why?”

“I just don’t think we’re good together,” she says, like her words aren’t devastating. Like she hasn’t just unraveled all of my plans for our future together.

“But…but I love you…” I say, a bit pathetically, and her face hardens.

“I’m not doing this because I don’t love you, Simon. I just don’t want to be with you anymore.”

I don’t know what to say to that, and she’s not listening anyway. She’s looking at something over my shoulder and I turn around quickly to see what it is.

It’s Baz.

He gives her a lazy wave and a wink, and when I face her again she’s gone pink.

“Him?” I say incredulously. “You’re breaking up with me for him?”

“What if I am?” she says, and I feel my magic starting to rise. She takes a step back, looking scared. I curse and try to force it back down.

“Agatha,” I say, but she’s still moving. “Agatha! I didn’t mean it!”

She spins on her heel and walks off, leaving me behind in the hall.

I’m sure I look like a fish out of water; students are leaving the classrooms and everyone’s giving me a funny look. I’m still fighting to keep my magic under control and I only have one thought on my mind: this is Baz’s fault.

* * *

Baz had somehow disappeared after my confrontation with Agatha, so I go looking for him. I eventually find him lurking in an unused corridor–the one with the room where the Crucible is stored. Surely Baz isn’t daft enough to try and mess with it. He must have some other scheme planned.

I don’t care what it is, I don’t care about anything else right now other than the fact that Baz has once again ruined my life.

I’m attempting to sneak up on him when the sole of my shoe squeaks, and he whips around.

“What do you want, Snow?” Baz spits, and I rush forward without thinking.

“This is all your fault!” I yell as I shove him, “if you’d just left Agatha well alone she wouldn’t have broken up with me!”

He looks confused for a second and then smirks. That makes me angrier, so I shove him again. Harder. This time his head makes a satisfying crack as it hits the wall. I rush forward with my arm pulled back, ready to punch him. He moves to block me and our hands collide in mid-air.

I feel a shimmer of magic around my wrist and my stomach drops. Baz must have cast something too low for me to hear, and now…well, I’m not really sure what he did until I look at my hand and see the shiny metal bracelet. I don’t realize what’s happened at first; Baz tugs his wrist and mine comes with it.

Merlin’s tits, I’m fucking handcuffed to Baz. What is he planning to do to me? This must be one of his schemes! He’s going to…he’s going to…

Well, I’m not sure what he’s going to do, but it probably involves me and a pair of handcuffs.

“What the hell, Baz!” I growl, “let me go!”

He looks indignant. “I didn’t do this!”

“Of course you did!”

“Crowley, Snow, do you really think I’d attach myself to you on purpose?”

Baz

The air starts to fill with smoke, and I realize it’s Snow. Shit, I should have known this would happen. He’s going to bloody go off. I’m tempted to poke him as I usually do–because I know he’ll just shield me–but I finally give into my urge to just…help him.

“Deep breaths now, Snow,” I say, and his head snaps up. He narrows his eyes at me, but I keep going; keep holding his gaze. “Let it go. Some of it. Before you start another fire. Whatever–fuck!”

Snow shoves me into the wall for the second time today, only this time he comes with me and I’m hit from both sides.

“What was that for? I was helping you, you numpty!”

“I don’t need your help,” he snarls.

“Fine!” I spit, “let’s go find you someone else then!”

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Dodged Bullet

warnings: violence, blood, mentions of a panic attack

pairing: peter parker x reader

words: 2,191

request: yooo I love your Spider-Man fics and idk if youre still taking requests but… I was wondering if you would be up for a hurt/comfort prompt? I’ve read a few where the reader takes care of peter but I’d really like to see one that’s the other way around?  (ex. reader gets hurt in the crossfire of a mission, being in the wrong place at the wrong time etc.) you super don’t have to but either way your fics are rad. keep up the good word!!!

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Mbti Types as The Great Gatsby Quotes

ISFJ: “I was within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life.”

ESTJ: “But I can still read the gray names, and they will give you a better impression than my generalities of those who accepted Gatsby’s hospitality and paid him the subtle tribute of knowing nothing about him.”

ISFP: “The exhilarating ripple of her voice was a wild tonic in the rain.”

ENFJ: “There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams- not through her own fault, but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion.” 

INTP: “I tried to go then, but they wouldn’t hear of it; perhaps my presence made them feel more satisfactorily alone.”

INFP: “No amount of fire or freshness can change what a man will store up in his ghostly heart.”

ENTP: “’You see, I think everything’s terrible anyhow,’ she went on in a convincing way. ‘Everybody thinks so- the most advanced people. And I know. I’ve been everywhere and seen everything and done everything.’” 

ESFP: ”It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced- or seemed to face- the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor.”

ESFJ: “The bottle of whiskey- a second one- was now in constant demand by all present, excepting Catherine, who ‘felt just as good on nothing at all.’”

ENTJ: “The mouth was wide open and ripped at the corners, as though she had choked a little in giving up the tremendous vitality she had stored for so long.”

INTJ: ”Though I was curious to see her, I had no desire to meet her- but I did. I went up to New York.”

ISTJ: “he saw himself standing alone on the last barrier of civilization.”

ISTP: “’I am careful.’ 

‘No you’re not.’

‘Well, other people are.’”

ENFP: “Daisy began to sing with the music in a husky, rhythmic whisper, bringing out a meaning in each word that it had never had before and would never have again.”

ESTP: “They were at least agonizingly aware of the easy money in the vicinity and convinced it was theirs for a few words in the right key.” 

INFJ: “and for a second I thought I loved her. But I am slow-thinking and full of interior rules that act as breaks on my desires,”

Ugh P.2 [Peter Parker] [Soulmate AU]

Originally posted by bubblyholland

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female!Reader

Warnings: Cursing as always, Mentions of pain, some angst if you squint etc

Part 1Masterlist


Holy fuck- Spider-Man, Queens hero- was your soulmate? Your soulmate, was in New York, right here- standing right in front of your face? This was him- this was the person you were supposed to spend the rest of your whole life with. Most people your age didn’t meet their soulmates- not unless they were incredibly lucky. Hell, one of your closest friend had a timer, and her timer had years and years to go, but you? Your soulmate was standing right here..

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Build-A-Daddy

or “the college au where lily is a single mom struggling with finishing school and raising a child, and james discovers he quite likes babysitting” (AO3)

(p.s.: thank you to @gxldentrio for being a lovely beta reader!)


Chapter: ½

She’s just another face in the crowd.

But she stands out.

She’s battling her way through the waves of I’m late-s, I should have gone to bed earlier-s and Why haven’t I started that bloody paper yet-s entangling themselves in people’s legs. They trip, but she bears on.

Her hair is made of flames; they lick their way through the sea of people, turning them to ashes, burning a path for her - James is entranced. Her brow is furrowed with decision, and she doesn’t hesitate to nudge someone out of her way with her shoulder, or to make herself bigger with the size of her backpack which looks like it could make her topple over. She parts the flood with sheer determination in her eyes.

She’s unstoppable.

“Hey!”

He goes unnoticed.

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angsty starters ( + sad qoutes / song lyrics. )
  • "I love you enough to let you go,"
  • "I heard you moved on,"
  • "I didn't come here to hurt you,"
  • "Where did you go?"
  • "I'm sorry we fell in love."
  • "We'll do everything on our own."
  • "I'm so sorry,"
  • "You'll never understand."
  • "Please don't go,"
  • "I still love you,"
  • "I don't love you anymore."
  • "I never loved you,"
  • "I can't do this."
  • "We can't be together!"
  • "Will I ever see you again?"
  • "May we meet again,"
  • "I promise I'll do better,"
  • "I just want to see you, one more time."
  • "I'd give anything to see you one more time."
  • "One last time?"
  • "I don't deserve you,"
  • "You don't deserve me,"
  • "People like us don't get happy endings,"
  • "You still love me?"
  • "I never meant to hurt you,"
  • "I understand..."
  • "If you want to go, it's okay."
  • "I gave up everything for you!"
  • "I really need you to trust me,"
  • "Can you listen to me for once!"
  • "I cheated on you,"
  • "You cheated on me?"
  • "Don't expect me to come crawling back,"
  • "Shame on me, you fooled me twice."
  • "You said I wasn't just like anyone."
  • "Did I even ever cross your mind?"
  • "Can we pretend that we're in love?"
  • "I can't lose you,"
  • "Please go,"
  • "Don't you dare die on me!"
  • "I'm not losing you again!"
  • "I'm incomplete without you,"
  • "I will love you for the rest of my life,"
  • "So this is goodbye?"
  • "Kiss me goodbye."
  • "I loved them and they died."
  • "I was a bet?"
  • "You were nothing but a bet."
  • "Can you hold me?"
  • "I loved and I lost you."
  • "It's okay,"
  • "The worst day of loving someone is when you lose them."
  • "It hurts like hell,"
  • "I'm not coming back."
  • "You're never coming back?"
  • "What do you mean you're dying!"
  • "Come back to me,"
  • "What happened?!"
  • "They're dead!"
  • "Where's my love,"
  • "Don't do this,"
  • "I'll see you again."
  • "There's nothing we can do to bring them back."
  • "I don't want to be alone anymore,"
  • "You promised you'd never leave me."
  • "First love, you remember what that's like?"
  • "If I don't have you I have nothing at all,"
  • "I'm not going to fight you,"
  • "You're my friend."
  • "It's too late to apologize."
  • "You left me!"
  • "You left us!"
  • "You chose them over me,"
  • "I need you,"
  • "I was hoping that you'd stay."
  • "I never lied to you,"
  • "You said you might die so what the hell?"
  • "It's a bad joke,"
  • "We can never be the same again,"
  • "You don't need you,"
  • "You're not alone."
  • "You broke my heart."
  • "It made me think of you."
  • "You're my world."
  • "Do I wanna know?"
  • "So sad to see you go,"
  • "This is it, isn't it."
  • "Now I just sit in silence."
  • "Are you okay?"
  • "Are you hurt?"
  • "I'll go with you."
  • "How bad is it?"
  • "My feelings for you are real, they always have been."
  • "Someday you'll understand."
  • "Because I love you,"
  • "There was just something about them,"
  • "I'm sorry for breaking your heart."
  • "It wasn't an act."
  • "Time doesn't heal everything."
  • "This is your fault!"
  • "Tell me what to do!"
  • "I didn't mean for this to happen."
  • "Everythings a mess."
  • "You ruined my life,"
  • "Do you still love me?"
  • "You gotta get up, we have to go."
  • "It's okay,"
  • "It was nothing,"
  • "I'll do something."
  • "You're safe here,"
  • "Don't forget me."
  • "I ruined this,"
  • "You ruined this."
  • "Quiet is violent."
  • "You promised me!"
  • "Stop lying with those words."
  • "If this is some kind of sick joke, you better tell me!"
  • "You're all I have!"
  • "I'm not ready to say goodbye."
  • "I don't want to go,"
  • "I loved you,"
  • "You don't have to do this,"
  • "I'm afraid it's never going to be okay again."
  • "I'm terrified,"
  • "You're a monster."
  • "You're all I have!"
  • "I'm a monster."
  • "Only fools fall for you,"
  • "Everything comes to an end,"
  • "I thought I loved you."
  • "Now I just sit in silence."
  • "It's unbearable."
  • "You're my first love."
  • "I never wanted to hurt you,"
  • "I was here,"
  • "Help me,"
  • "They won..."
  • "You don't love them."
  • "You're breaking my heart,"
  • "I hate you!"
  • "It's a waste of time,"
  • "You're all I want."
  • "I've always loved you!"
  • "I can pretend anymore."
  • "i didn't have a choice!"
  • "What if it's agony now and it's hell later on?"
  • "Love I will let you go,"
  • "I left behind something great."
  • "I want you back,"
  • "I don't regret any of it, not if it kept you safe."
  • "Get over yourself,"
  • "You'll be the death of me."
  • "Everything just fell apart."
  • "What the hell am I doing here?"
  • "I want you so much but I hate your guts."
  • "I found love where it wasn't supposed to be."
  • "You still like them, don't you?"
  • "What are you doing?!"
  • "I did this to protect you!"
  • "Don't cry,"
  • "I'm not crying,"
  • "I'm dying,"
  • "A-Are you alright?"
  • "I'll come back for you."
  • "I've never felt so alone."
  • "You don't love me! You don't even know me!"
  • "I don't even know who you are anymore."
  • "I don't even know who I am anymore,"
  • "Please let me do this for you."
  • "You're one of the lucky ones."
  • "It's never going to be okay."

All this time I’ve expected a certain pattern to play out in Juno and Peter’s reunion: Peter is snippy, even mean; Juno is defensive, then apologetic; Peter seemingly forgives him, and (mostly because they haven’t seen each other in months, you guys) they kiss.

Only then the writers threw a wrench in the works: they played out that pattern in a dream. Which suggests to me that they won’t repeat that scene– it was devastating the first time, but it will lack any punch if it plays out like that again. 

Which got me thinking.

I expected that pattern for the same reason that it appeared in Juno’s dream: because it was the most obvious way to go– at least, in Juno’s mind.

But Juno’s an unreliable narrator with a hero/martyr complex a mile wide. The lady is really self-obsessed– it’s the best and worst thing about him, as we’ve seen in Day That Wouldn’t Die.

But you know who’s even more self-absorbed?

(Okay, in this series, that list is actually fairly long. But bear with me.)

Peter Nureyev.

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