it is an actually profession everyone

Haikyuu!! Ship headcanons

Kagehina: probably take the longest to get together. Their relationship is already so close and intimate that they never feel longing or jealousy. And they are both dumb so mistake love for INTENSE VOLLEYBALL FEELINGS. They act coupley without actually dating

Tananoya: Tanaka has it bad and is pretending the straightness to fit in. Noya is oblivious. A madcap misunderstanding leads to confession and then much affectionate dating. They lift each other a lot.

Daisuga: they are married

Ukatake: they are both afraid of the impact their relationship will have on their professions. Neither want to abandon the team, so they put aside their feelings. Eventually though, love pushes through. When a scandal would emerge, the whole team supports them, so everyone else accepts it.

Kuroken: Kuroo is playing the long game. Kenma assumes they are already dating. Help them.

Levyaku: Yaku thinks Lev is joking when he confesses and accidentally makes the tol dummy cry. Yaku insists on standing on chairs, the bed etc to kiss Lev.

Bokuaka: have been going out this whole time. Bokuto probably confessed after their third practice together (You’re tosses are great and you are really pretty!!!!) Akaashi agreed to try it out and slowly (or not so slowly) fell for the ace’s charms

Iwaoi: they are also married

Okay, so Hulu has this show called “Harlots,” which has

 - Historical costumes, yum

 - Prostitution treated like an actual profession, and women are complex and well-rounded??????

 - Everyone important is a woman, it’s completely woman-centric

 - It’s ACTUALLY historically accurate in that black people exist in England holy shit

 - Full of absolute joyous Easter Eggs for people who know their history

 - The intrigue is just bursting at the seams, it’s like Game of Thrones with brothels

 - Also, it caused me to make this dumb macro

The Second Master List
 Have you ever considered dating yourself?
  1. Which would you choose? Being with your soulmate for 1 year and then they  die, or choosing to not meet them at all.
  2. If a prisoner (in jail) wrote a letter to you, Would you write back?
  3. If you could have a twin, Would you?
  4. If you had to give up Your arms or your legs -which would it be?
  5. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
  6. If you had to pick 1 or 2 qualities that you have had since you were a child -what would they be.
  7. If you could see your death Would you want to see it?
  8. If you could lose all your memories and start fresh, would you choose to do it? Say the age you start fresh would be at 15 years old.What about at 20?
  9. Would you rather have an unrequited love for 5 years or feel no love for 5 years?
  10. Would you ever give 5 years of your life To extend the life of a grandparent?
  11. Would you rather have a father that is in jail or not know who your father is?
  12. How many more Failures can you take?
  13. If you could pick a country that most represents you, which would it be?
  14. If you could be on a dating reality TV show -would you?
  15. Would you choose to look in mirrors all day, or never look in a mirror again?
  16. What is the first thing you look at when you look at yourself in the mirror?
  17. If you could never again think one thing what would it be?
  18. If you had to be sick for the rest of your life would you choose something that kills you quickly & painfully, or bearably but slowly
  19. If you could redo your first kiss would you: a) choose to do it and b)
    1. -change the person
    2. -change your age
    3. -change the location
    4. -change your/their skill level
  20. Do you think more people like(d) you now or when you were younger?
  21. If you could change your name what would you change it to?
  22. If you could change your name what would you change it to?
  23. Have you ever been attracted to a friend’s parents?
  24. What would you do if your life was stuck on replay, and you continuously relived one day?
  25. What is something you’ve always wanted to do  but never done because it doesn’t “fit” with what people expect/are used to from you? (now consider doing it!)
  26. If anything could happen to/through your tumblr site what is the one thing you wish would?
  27. How many times have you wanted to ask someone out but haven’t done it because you *weren’t sure if your feelings were strong enough*?
  28. If you are sick and will die in 1 yr, And you found your soulmate (and they know they are as well). Would you:
    1. A)even tell them you are sick, and
      B) be with them for the year, or break up with them 
  29. What characteristic makes you attractive to the opposite sex/potential partners? (Do one physical and one personality)
  30. If you had to choose between getting married to your soulmate and continuing a super successful career -which would you choose?
  31. Would you rather settle or be alone?
  32. Have you ever questioned Your sexual orientation?
  33. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
  34. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  35. Would you like to be famous? For what?
  36. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
  37. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
  38. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
  39. Would you (do you) ever save 50% of your income?
  40. What do you think you haven’t found in a potential partner yet? Why?
  41. When something bad happens how do you deal with it?
    1. Talk to someone
    2. Think about it alone (ruminate)
    3. Ignore/suppress and distract yourself
    4. Try to fix it immediately
  42. Would you say yes to being in the body of the opposite gender for 1 year?
  43. Have you ever considered “trying out” an eating disorder?
  44. Ask a significant person in the group you are playing this game with, whether they have ever considering breaking up with you (friendship-wise or romantically), when, and why did they not.
  45. What’s the biggest sacrifice You’ve made for the person on your left (or in the room), that they haven’t acknowledged?
  46. Ask your father “How am I most like you, and how does that scare you?”
  47. Are you scared someone in the room will hurt you? Who, and in what way?
  48. If you needed to decide between two people you know, which will die  -would you want to decide, or let a stranger decide?
  49. After a long pursuit You realise someone is as keen
  50. What was your family’s attitude towards affection? How has that impacted you?
  51. Do you wish facebook didn’t exist?
  52. Think of the question you would most like answered, by a person or an all-knowing being or device. Which of the following most closely resembles the answer you’d like to hear?
    1. Without a shadow of a doubt
    2. Never
    3. You are
    4. No i didn’t
    5. I will show you everything
    6. I do
    7. Come with me
    8. Only one
    9. Yes
    10. Always
    11. You will
    12. In the distant future
  53. What do  you like most about having a child of your own? You MUST say something
  54. Is there a profession You’ve always wanted to date? (Doctor. Firefighter, military, vet etc)
  55. Among your group of friends are you one who will generally take care of and help everyone (even if you hate it)? Or are you the one who rationally thinks about it and determines whether the person actually needs help?
  56. Would you rather live in a world where you are never alone or where you are always alone
  57. If your life could be a soundtrack Which movie/tv show’s would you choose?
  58. If you could live a movie which would you choose?
  59. Has this election Made you be more interested or less interested in politics? Think carefully.
  60. Ask the person across from you Who do you think I should be with?
    1. -pick anyone
      -pick anyone from your friends
      -pick any celebrity
  61. Be honest: the person asking you these questions -If you could have their life -would you want it?
  62. When was the last time you cried? Why?
  63. Would you rather feel too much or feel nothing at all?
  64. Do you feel you are more attached to your friends, than they are to you?
  65. Which of the seven deadly sins Do you deal with the most?
  66. Within the group of people You are answering questions with, what is something you really regret that you’ve done to someone in the group.
  67. What would the title of your autobiography be?
  68. Do you have songs that you avoid because they make you feel too much? Give one example, and one feeling associated with it.
  69. If you could be an Expert in any field, which would you choose?
  70. If you could be an Expert in any field, which would you choose?
  71. Describe your ex Using one emoji
  72. What aspect do you struggle With the most, when making a new friend? (Ex: Vulnerability, time/history together, learning about them, integrating into your life etc).
  73. Do you have a hard time Integrating your friends into different aspects of your life? ( Ex work friends with family, family friends with school friends).
  74. Big spoon or little spoon? Why?
  75. In what situation do you Feel the loneliest?
  76. What is something you Believe your parents dislike about you?
  77. Do you feel That the way you look right now represents who you are/how you feel?
  78. Choose between being able To make people very happy vs. Never hurting them. Which would you choose?
  79. What made you start Your Tumblr blog?
  80. Have you ever wished For a disorder or disability? (Or considered it)
  81. Choose. Between perpetrator and victim.
  82. Do you feel Like you’ve reached your peak?
  83. How much of your time Do you spend thinking about romance?
  84. Have people pointed out Your biggest insecurity, or have you never talked about it with anyone (positively or negatively)?
  85. Alternate to 101:
    1.  i.  Did you generate your insecurity, or was it something you  developed over time based off of other people’s comments
  86. If you were in a group of best friends; Are you the:
    1. A) ring leader 
    2. B) the groupie
    3. C) the lone wolf
    4. D) the drifter
Nursing Facts (that didn’t make any textbook cut)

1. Instinct will save your patient, it will save your coworker’s you’re covering for, and it will save your own ass.

2. If a doctor asks you to do something and it feels wrong, it probably is. See #1.

3. Patients lie, families lie, everybody lies.. sniff out the truth with your detective nose.

4. If you even mention you hate taking one type of case to a charge nurse you don’t get along with, guaranteed you will see nothing but those cases once word gets out.

5. Some of the strongest nurses, the people you would inherently trust with your patients, your family, your loved ones, yourself with - aren’t preceptors, they aren’t charge nurses, they are likely the neighboring nurse who never gets the unit award, but everyone wishes silently would be the nurse if they were to ever look up frightened from a stretcher.

6. Half the shit you do in Nursing school isn’t reality, and you won’t always have time to do it in the same way; but that doesn’t mean you’re compromising care, quality or integrity of your profession. It just means you’ve found a more proficient, effective, and just as safe way to do it that textbook authors won’t admit to.

7. You do actually have a choice to speak up when someone is intensely rude to you, despite what surveyors, management, and all the circus of politically correct people will tell you - there isn’t a law or standard of practice in nursing that says take all the crap from people and stay silent. Setting boundaries with patients, families, and coworkers doesn’t mean you’re disrespectful, it means you respect yourself and your place in this profession.

8. Protect your patients, but protect your license just as hard - you can’t protect anyone if you’re not protecting yourself.

9. Nursing management often complains the loudest about things they’ve forgotten how to do themselves.

10. You can make mistakes, have a snitty day, be off point, miss all the IV’s, miss a subtle sign in diagnosis,  and wish you’d chosen another career - but it doesn’t take away from the days that you’re the one to catch someone’s error before it harms their patient, or their license, it doesn’t take away from the days when you sort of think in the back of your mind, I simply love what I do,  it doesn’t take away from the all the times you snagged an impossible IV, but no one really needed to see it for it to feel good, it doesn’t take away from all the moments you caught subtleties that made you remember why nursing is a vital piece of hospital function, and it doesn’t take away from the moments you reminded yourself that hey, it’s a good thing to stick with this profession that you never quite know what to expect of next.

And none of that will ever make any textbook.

anonymous asked:

Hi Dr. Ferox, I am a student in my undergrad planning on applying to vet school soon. Recently on tumblr I have been seeing a lot of vets say they wish they never became vets and making very discouraging posts about how no one should pursue this career cause they will just be broke and angry/upset. Any encouraging words for students pursuing this career to stay motivated to follow their dream?

This is probably not what you want to hear.

If you become a vet you will spend a lot of your time being angry, frustrated and upset. You will also spend a lot of time lamenting that you are not paid like a human doctor, despite having the same level of skills, whilst simultaneously being told by the animal owning public how much money you ‘must’ be making.

It certainly gets you down. By the time we’ve been in practice for 5 years, about a third of new vets will no longer be working in clinical practice. Lots of us leave.

Also, we are between 4 and 6 times more likely to take our own lives than the general public.

They’re not telling you these things, and I’m not telling you these things, in order to discourage you from becoming a vet. We tell you these things to forewarn you. If you are prepared and aware of the challenges you face, you will be better equipped to deal with them.

Veterinary medicine is a high stress, highly demanding career with a large emotional and moral burden and very unsociable hours. It’s not actually good for your brain, and it’s not right for everyone. I would prefer would-be vets walk into the profession knowing they might have to walk themselves out again.

And I would  much rather somebody decide to give up on being a vet than give up on life.

“Becoming a Vet” should not be your end goal. That only takes a couple of years, not a lifetime, and then what are you going to do? You should look at other options, you should have other plans, escape routes if everything doesn’t work out.

As a profession we have a huge issue with mental health. We talk about these things because they’re important to us, and they’re real. As much as you don’t want to hear it to be ‘discouraged’, you shouldn’t ignore them. Consider them an opportunity to learn from someone else’s mistakes, including my own.

I have said before that if animals are the only thing that brings you joy in life, don’t become a vet. I would still stand by that sentiment. If animals really are the only thing that brings you any happiness, stay out of vet medicine and don’t dissect and overanalyze your only source of joy. 

Now, I know it’s not something you wanted to here, but it’s something you needed to hear anyway. I’m not here to tell you it’s all puppies and kittens and rainbows. I’m here to tell you what you need to hear.

If veterinary medicine is what you’re heart is set on, then you will set out to do it regardless of what I or any other vet on the internet tell you. As it should be. The career certainly does have its rewards, but it also has many, many pitfalls.

We learn to cope, to varying extents, in different ways. I can only hope that you will learn to recognize those pitfalls before you fall into them.

•A JOURNAL ENTRY: WHAT IS IT REALLY LIKE TO LIVE WITH DEPRESSION?•

i wouldn’t exactly call it living. more like surviving… i look at the environment surrounding me, memories lie tattered in my brain. a life i want to believe was once so full and fruitful has become unthinkably dull. my own eyes were once baby blue but have since faded to an iridescently eerie gray. im hurting. it hurts. im not lying.

i would tell you that you don;t understand- but i;ve begin to notice that everything can only be interpreted in relation to other things or feelings. and this is the only thing ive come to recall feeling. this ethereal delicate coldness within my core, shaking and rattling my bones, consuming my every feeling of functionality. im clearly broken beyond repair- yet i aimlessly crave fixture.

i am light with awful lightness. my blood is mud and my bones are brittle. my thoughts freely cascade within my mind, setting fire to all of my precious sensibilities . any meager ration of purpose and hope is replaced by these fucking reminders that i am truly and entirely 113% alone in this.

at one point, i wanted help. i went to therapy once a week- on bad weeks i went twice. i convinced myself that the glass was half full. i made the most out of everything- and in the process, i made a fool of myself.

i spoke out. i cried for help. i wrote it in books, on forums, i would have carved the words “help me” into my damn skin on my damn forehead if i thought for one minute that anybody was listening.

and i know you’re listening if you’re reading this. but are you really reading this? are you reading me? can you feel the pain in the tips of my fingers, in the ends of my hair, in the blood in my veins, in the staggering cry of my voice at 2 in the morning- an ugly face soaked in the tears resulting from years of utter and complete destruction and then desertion of every little thing i feel?

can you feel my pain?

can you imagine trying to fall asleep when there are actual fucking faceless voices in between your ears jabbering an unimaginably taunting cry? whispering demented nonsense into your ears nonstop after you beg and plead with yourself to quit hearing those damn voices. your mind races like it’s been training all its life and this is the moment it has all led up to: the olympic event of self destruction. and it’s taking home the gold.

i close my eyes and i am so unbelievably tired. staying alive is a fight and today it has beat
me to a pulp. my eyes have bags as big as my regrets and my face is tired from
pretending to light up with joy all day.

jesus christ, it’s my junior year and i’m graduating in less than a year. surely there is one thing to even half way grin about. no, you are wrong. because for every good little thing that happens- every time it seems like it’s getting better, every false sense of hope, for every good thing, there is depression.

my false sense of hope has found its home. depression is a polite host to every single good
feeling in my body. depression feeds me, it cleans me, it loves me, it speaks to me, it knows me.

depression wants to stay forever. it houses in my bones, it feeds on my fears, it gets high on my anxiety, it exchanges hope for hopelessness, it thrives on my insecurities, and depressions favorite thing to do is to keep me up on nights like tonight, where i’m at my worst.

i’m scared, truly. i used to be obsessed with the seasons- more importantly, the transition of one season to anther. perhaps i used to be so fond of change because change was actually a possibility at that point in my life.

winter turning into spring was my favorite. i would lay on the dead, crunchy, brown remnants of the grass, the air around me crisp and cold, stabbing my lungs with every swift,
sharp breath. my nose rosy and cold, sniffling along every chill within my body. bare branches of tall oak trees
stretched into the white winter sky, seemingly reaching for the sunlight the tree craved and needed, as my pale, cold, minuscule hands clutched at the dry, barren earth beneath me- fumbling for more meaning of the world around me. why must seasons change, but my heart always feels the same?

you see, i resonate so very deeply with the winter months. gardens and patches of land that were once beaming with flora and fauna, life and expounding sunlight and warmth, now lay isolated, empty, sterile- similar to the child in me that once was jubilant and lively, but now turned into some thing so cold and ugly. the innocence has beend lost and the happiness within me has since been destroyed by the monster within me, which claims not only me as a victim, but those around me who love and care about me

i only know that i am loved and cared for because i’m continuously and perpetually told this upon a daily basis. it has become very prevalent to me that people feel much better about me when i validate that i know that they are here to talk and that i am loved. yes, i know this. but i cannot feel it. the love that you have for me is, in the least offensive way possible, absolutely irrelevant to my entire being.

you could listen to me rant for days upon weeks, you could read this bible that i’m typing. but i can never seem to make the people around me realize that i am never going to truly accept the love they offer me.

i often wonder if it is true love that inspires people to be there for those with depression- or if those surrounding me simply feel compelled to profess their love and support to me because they see my approval and wellbeing as a direct reflection of their credibility as a friend or family member.

i feel as if i am a burden to those around me, simply harshening the seemingly good mood that literally everyone else but me is capable of partaking in. i want to run with wild horses, frolic among wild flowers, hear the laughter of a child, hold hands with someone i love, and entertain deeply fulfilling and life changing relationships- but you see, the way my life is set up- i am actually emotionally incapable of doing so!

i am most aware of my unfortunate illness and incapability to be happy in the most unexpected and irrational times. take birthday parties, for instance. celebration and good vibes fill the air around me, seeping into my black, pitiful lungs. everyone around me smiles and sings, drowning in their jubilation, as i sit and watch. i want to have fun. please believe me. i want to sing happy birthday. i want to watch you open your gifts. i want to be as happy as you. i want to feel the warmth in my cheeks as i have the time of my life with my friends. but some thing within me compresses each and every slither of joy i am capable of feeling. i am suffocated by the downfall of my emotions and i am blinded by the reminder that depression doesn’t take breaks, not even at birthday parties. depression is strongest whenever you are faced with situations that expose you to the reality that you’re the odd one out- you’re sticking out like a sore thumb. you’re moping and you’re constantly staring out into space. what are you even looking at? what do you have to think about? you have nothing to live for, so anything beyond what’s right in front of you has no relevance in this whole scheme of life. so take it or leave it. you should be enjoying this birthday party. all the other kids are happy. you should be too. you’re lucky you even left the house today. so lucky. had you stayed home, you would have been 100% alone with your thoughts, rather than 97% along with your thoughts, due to the constant interruption of your moping and resentment by peers and parents and teachers asking “is everything okay?”

habitually, you nod. yes. everything is fine. i’m doing well, thank you. but what is the meaning of life? why do i feel like there’s a big fat man sitting on my chest and stomach and heart all the time? why do i always feel like i’m the only one in the room holding back tears trying not to cry? why are the other kids so happy? am i missing out on some thing? why do i feel so sad? why is it that every time i’m surrounded by people who say they love and care for me, i feel as if i’ve never been more alone before in my life? why? do you pity me? it’s just who i am. is that weird?

and oh my god i was always so desperate to be different. perhaps it was just the way my personality was set up. and i was always fairly extroverted. but it was presumably a persona that i put on. hey world, look at me. i’m silly and creative and ill say things that nobody else would say. pay attention to me, look at me.

because i needed them to watch. i hope you never feel so out of control of your body as me, to where you feel as if the only way that you can be saved is if other people figure out that you’re dying on their own. you don’t know how to come straight out and tell them, “hey, i really would rather not be alive at this given moment. i have visions of ending my own life. i use self isolation as a coping mechanism at times in order to feel like less of a burden on those who love me. i haven’t felt genuinely loved in a really long time. i’m so lonely. i could really use a friend right now.”

you can’t just say that. and i became depressed at 9 years old. how would a 9 year old even possibly articulate these complex and life threatening emotions that severely alter the way that every one of their peers perceives them. those middle years are crucial for making friends. it’s at that age that you have to find a group of 3 to 8 people who accept at least half of your given characteristics and occasionally invite you to partake in shit that kids do.

i wouldn’t know. i was a fleeting spirit. appearing and disappearing from cliques like it was clock work. there was more than one willow. there was the catty, witty willow- that found self-approval and approval from others by teasing and belittling others in order to build her own confidence up. then there was the sweet, flower child willow that sold daisy chains on the playground at recess at the price of one hug. there was the willow that stayed near the teachers at times because it was obvious that the other kids wanted nothing to do with her.

and as time progresses, the newer evolution of willow became prevalent. the willow that kept to herself most of the time, spending recess in the class room alone, drawing on the pages of her books, talking to herself, worrying her life away. everyone wondered - what was wrong with willow? or perhaps nobody noticed at all. maybe i was so insignificant even at such a young age- that the only time people considered me was in my dreams.

depression changes a person. some times, the change isn’t even tangible or noticeable to those surrounding the victim. some times, it is a slow discourse of the destruction of the spirit. it can slowly creep into your ear one ungodly night, and forever more whisper its awful lies into the victims ear, as it infects their whole body, their heart, their mind, their spirit, their hands, their eyes. everything. it slowly progresses into the uncontrollable loss of feelings and motivation to even maintain basic proper hygiene. it makes everything feel pointless. things are no longer worth the effort because you’re going to die no matter what, and that can’t come soon enough.

yes, depression can be slow and progressive. but that’s not the worst. the worst depression is the kind that sneaks up on you out of nowhere in the dead of night and immediately stiffens every hair on your body and turns your blood cold, making your mouth dry and your tongue numb. this depression hits you like a fucking train. it hits you in your most vulnerable state- comfort and normalcy. from that point on, you will never know normalcy again.

depression has a way of deceiving you into believing things that are crazy and untrue. but these things become so real to you as the depression progresses into a lifestyle that you come to know nothing else but the lies that depression will fill you with- so nobody can really tell you anything. it will call you names. it will tell you that you’re better off dead. it will be your only comfort- feeling nothing- during the night, whenever anxiety holds you until you pass out from exhaustion. you will never be cold at night as long as anxiety and depression have you snuggled up in between them.

oh how depression loves to kick you around and belittle you. oh how it renders your fantasies pointless. it loves to keep you hostage- to the point where any time you get an idea that doesn’t include moping around in your own sorrow, it immediately renders that idea impossible and reminds you that you are depressions bitch. you eat when depression finishes telling you how fat and disgusting you are. you sleep all day, so depression can take a dip in your nightmares. you wake up, and realize that life with depression is the true nightmare after all.

you pray for the day that you are relieved from this blinding madness and this subliminal torture. you feel as if you are not only a burden to your own self, but a burden to the people who love you and care for you

the only times when depression allows you relief from questioning the ulterior motives of those around you who claim to love you and care for you is when depression instead allows you to feel ashamed of your affliction. when you’re depressed, people notice. they may pretend not to and they may ignore it. but they know. they just don’t know what to say.

what would they say anyways?

hey. i’m sorry your brains are figuratively dripping out of your ears and i’m sorry that you have convinced yourself that i only care about you because i feel guilty, and i’m also sorry that you don’t even have the motivation to take a shower. i’m also sorry that you don’t
remember the last time that someone made you feel special. i’m sorry that you can’t find a reason to smile. i’m sorry that out of all the millionaires, the talented ones, the ones who fall in love, and the ones with nice asses- you were the one to end up hating yourself and everything around you.

ask yourself…. what do you say? what do you say to someone who is depressed?

know that i understand that you don’t know what to say. because yes this sucks. and i don’t expect you to understand what it’s like to wish you were dead. and i am so jealous of you for that. but please treat me the same as everyone else. please love me. make
me laugh. invite me to go shopping with you. get shit faced with me. help me fill the gaping hole in my soul with pointless memories of laughter and small talk. talk about life with me. listen to what i have to say. let me love you.

yes, i have depression. trust me, i will never forget! but please, help me feel normal. i don’t want to feel different than you. i want to be your peer, not your charity case.

i am dying to make friends. i am dying to spend less time in this bed writing shit like this. i am tired of letting this god damn disease walk all over me like i’m a fucking patch of dead grass.

life sucks. but please remind me that winter fades to spring. please remind me that some flowers are seasonal, and not every flower spends its whole life in bloom. remind me that you have to spend time in the dark to understand just how beautiful life in the sunlight is. remind me that there’s no cure for a bad day like a strawberry daiquiri and deep, controversial conversations with complete strangers.

remind me that my car has a sunroof and that it’s okay to open it up and let my hair get a little messy. remind me that music is better when it’s too loud to really interpret what the artist is saying- but you don’t have to understand to feel some thing.

remind me that i don’t have to lose this fight.

i am fucking hurting. but for the love of god, i’m begging you to help me fix me. because i forget that there’s good in the world. i forget that depression isn’t the boss of me. i forget that i have the whole world in my hands. i forget that there’s life after high school and that it’s okay to be alone some times, but it’s never okay to be lonely.

i will never forget what it is like to have my heart ripped out by a disease that i can’t even lay my hands on. perhaps i can touch the blisters under my eyes from
crying so much. perhaps i can run my hands along the holes i’ve punched in the walls from being so angry with myself. and yes i can feel how my bed is sinking in towards the ground because i spend so much time laying here trying to feel some thing besides utter destruction and loneliness. i can never forget what this disease has done to me. there will always be a piece of my heart that this depression has stolen from
me.

but with loving other people, i can aimlessly work to mend that hole. i can’t do it alone. i need a friend. i need you here with me.

i am so tired of being alone.
i will push you away at first. i may come off as helpless and a bitch. but please, that is the depression talking. it’s not willow.

willow loves the color pink
willow loves wild flowers
willow loves the smell of green onions
willow loves the feeling of sand under her feet
willow loves hearing about your childhood and how you had a speech impediment and a cat named angel
willow loves the smell of rain when it hits a hot sidewalk
willow loves to go barefooted
willow loves establishing connections with animals
willow loves willow, some times she just can’t see it

i need a gentle reminder of what it’s like to be a real normal teenage girl

this shit is hard. and being misunderstood makes it harder.

so i’m saying it loud and clear. my name is willow and i have clinical depression and generalized anxiety. my life has been a series of almost laughably awful events, which have resulted in said mental illnesses. i have been misunderstood, bullied, neglected, and hurt. but my story does not end here. i may never completely overcome my depression, but i will overcome my failure to acknowledge my illness. i will work to educate people about those who suffer as i do. i will help those with depression. i will be the friend that i have never had, but always needed, to anyone who wants it. i will be a testament to the depression that has oppressed me for 8 years now.

depression is not who i am. depression does not define me. what defines me is the fact that i am staying alive even though it is proving to be the biggest struggle that i have ever encountered, and i am asking that you help me and people like me. because it’s not a one person job.

my name is willow. and i’m telling you that depression is a rude ass bitch. but i’m a bigger bitch, and unlike my illness, i have the power to make people feel loved and valid. and i will use that power to overcome my depression.

i would like to dedicate this journal entry to everyone reading it. i may go to school with you, you may be just a random tumblr user, you may suffer with depression, you may suffer with some other deeply oppressive situation, you may just be a happy son of a bitch.
it doesn’t matter who you are. let this. journal entry be a testament to your life.

there are people with depression. and there is no way that i can ever explain to you just how it feels via tumblr text post or even via socratic seminar complete with gardens of text books and instructional videos. all i can say is that in this life, you are responsible for being there for the people around you.

you never know what someone is going through. people with depression practically have licenses and 4 year degrees in the field of putting up facades of being okay and sucking it up and repressing those explosive emotions. they don’t expect you to give a shit about them, because as far as they’re concerned, nobody has given a shit,
nobody currently gives a shit, and nobody ever will give a shit about them. they make it hard to help. but it’s so important that you break down those walls. and some times, all you need to do is smile at someone or invite someone to eat after school or to go to a party. you can’t do much for someone with depression. like i said, they’re a whole world away. their concerns and struggles are immaculate, indescribable. however, it doesn’t take much to show someone that you care even a little bit. even if it’s just picking and giving them a random flower.

if you suffer from depression or know anyone with depression and you need someone to look to for advice/help/inspiration, my DM’s are open. oversharing is caring. i know what it’s like to want to take your own life, and i fought the urge to do so even while writing this journal entry.

i am here for you. you are not by yourself. please DM me if you ever need someone to send you pictures of a cute animal to cheer you up, or if you even need me to talk you out of suicide. i know both feelings.

if you’re reading this,
i challenge you to go out of your comfort zone. yes you. i challenge you to do this one easy thing at either work or school, or out in public or in your family

1. pick 3 flowers, they can be store bought or you can have picked them yourself

2. give one flower to someone who you worry might have depression

2. give one flower to a random person who you don’t know

3. give one flower to a person you would like to get to know better, you never know when someone desperately needs a friend


it’s just a flower, but you could save someone’s life. some times, all people need is a gentle reminder that good things still exist and that somebody is thinking about them.

don’t be the person that assumes too high of a role or makes an excuse to not be able to participate in this challenge or share this journal.

you never know when you can save someone’s life.

remember: no matter who you are, i love you. and i am willing to comfort you in times of need. i’ve been where you are. and i know how much ass depression sucks.

my DM’s are open, and so is your future.
don’t end your story this early.

—  Willow Scalisi 4/18/17 (dam i just realized sonic got half priced burgers today, turn up)

I think there’s two main ways that meditation has impacted my sport and my profession. The first thing is generally I am happier, I have less stress, and that just makes me a better person and better player. When everyone gets as close as possible to their best self, everything is fruitful from that point. Actually, meditation has allowed me to find a new focus on the pitch. I think back to my college days. I was a terror on the field, my teammates will tell you, and I yelled at everyone and was constantly stressing out about the shots I missed or why that person passed there instead of here. I was in my head so much. Not only did it make me unhappy, it distracted me. What meditation taught me is that all those thoughts are completely unnecessary. There’s nothing constructive about me worrying about the shot that I missed. The only way that you can let that go is by refocusing. That’s what meditation is, it’s constant refocusing. I kind of made my mantra about the ball. I just come back to “Where’s the ball on the field?” and I think this loudly. “Where’s the ball on the field?” and then, “Where should I be?” By the time I fixate on the ball and reposition myself, I’m back in the game. I do this constantly during the game.

They’re kind of assholes - Superboy x Reader (Batsis)

This is kind of a part two of “You’re kind of an asshole”, the aftermath of it all. Like now, Conner and the reader (Batman’s daughter) professed their love for each other, and it’s not to everyone’s taste. Not to name anyone but…Bruce and Clark are not ok with this. Anyway, hope you’ll like it : 

PART 1

My masterlist blog : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com

________________________________________________

Batman was not happy. Not happy at all.

Superman either actually. 

They were both sitting at a table in the Watchtower’s common room, sulking and brooding (when Diana asked what was happening to Clark, as she was used to Broody Bruce, he just groaned in return and she kinda just understood that this was about you and the boy). With a scoff and a sip of his coffee, your father says : 

-This isn’t going to work.

-I know, it’s too weird. 

-I caught him in her room a few nights ago, God only know what would have happened if I didn’t came in when I did. 

-Oh please, no details. We’re talking about your daughter, whom I consider my dear niece, and my…clone. It’s just too weird ! 

-Yeah well you would be even more weirded out if you had caught them making out on her desk ! 

-Bruce, stop. Seriously. This is making me uncomfortable. 

-And you think I’m comfortable with this ? Because if you do you’re wrong. I hate it. It’s my little girl we’re talking about ! 

Diana, who was coming back from the coffee machine with a warm cup, cannot help herself and has to say : 

-You are aware that you’re daughter is an adult right ? And that when Dick started to date Barbara you didn’t say anything, even though she’s older than him. Or when Jason or Tim st…

-I know she’s an adult ! That’s the problem ! She’s growing up too fast ! And it’s not the same than with the boys…

Diana loses her amused grin, and with a very serious expression, stare at the Bat and says :

-Oh ? And how is it different ? Because she’s a girl you have to protect her more ? Or she can’t go out because of her sex ? By Hades Bruce I thought you were more open minded than that ! 

Your father just looks away and grumbles an answer no one understands. 

He knows it’s ridiculous. He knows he shouldn’t be worried, as he knows that Conner is a good man. He knows you’re an adult and are capable of taking your own decisions but…you’re also his little girl. And he doesn’t actually have a good excuse as to why he wants to protect you more dating wise than his sons…Even though Dick is the one that always end up falling in love way too fast and having his heart broke ! 

In front of him, Clark doesn’t hold Diana’s gaze either (neither him or Bruce would dare to, and besides, when she was annoyed like that, it was better to just look away and shut up), but he has the same thoughts than his friend. He wants to protect you, and for some reasons, deep down, he just can’t find the strength to trust Conner, even though the boy proved himself worthy multiple times…

Keep reading

“This is my boyfriend Dan, by the way” || Dan Howell

A/N: This was a really nice request I go, thanks for that. Also the title is a little bit different. Have a nice weekend! 

Word Count: 1.5K

POV: Reader

MASTERLIST

Originally posted by shinyphan

It all started on a Saturday morning. I was sitting on the breakfast table by myself. I munched on some toast and checked my emails, like I do it every morning. A cup of hot black coffee was cooling off next to my laptop that was in front of me.

All of the new messages were mostly spam and some business stuff but one email in particular caught my eye. As soon as I saw the title I instantly clicked on it:

“High School Reunion”

Suddenly I was filled with excitement and resentment at the same time.

As my eyes scanned the invite over and over again I heard Dan enter the kitchen. He was wearing his pyjama that consisted of boxers and a loose t-shirt and his hair was a curly mess that still managed to look good.

We had been best friends for years now and shared a flat together in London. Dan noticed my startled expression and immediately asked what the matter was with me.  

My eyes were still glued to the words ‘Partners are welcome as well’ as I answered him.  That sentence alone made me want to not go.

“I was just sent an invite to a high school reunion.” I explained while taking a sip from my coffee.

The dark liquid was still hot and nicely warmed my throat.

Dan yawned and poured some of his favourite cereal into a bowl.

“Why do you look like you were invited to a funeral then?” he asked me confused, as he added the milk and sat down on the table next to me.

“It’s says we should bring our partners and I don’t want to show up alone.” I sighed, the taste of coffee was still lingering on my tongue. It was as bittersweet as I felt right now.

Dan put his spoon, that he was eating his cereal with, down to eye me intensively.

“Why don’t you want to go there on your own?” he asked me, cocking one eyebrow.

I felt myself getting a little bit nervous and abashed. I played with my hands and sighed.  

“I always got teased because I didn’t date a single guy during high school. I kinda promised myself that by the time the first reunion comes around I would have a boyfriend.” I admitted embarrassed and tried to hide my flushed face behind my hair.

There suddenly was a hint of a smile on his lips but it only lasted a few milliseconds.

“Forget it, it’s stupid.” I quickly told him, shaking my head eagerly. I half-heartedly laughed about myself as I hid my face in my hands.

“It’s definitely not stupid, Y/N. If it means so much to you then I could go with you, Y/N” Dan whispered as he gave me a short but warm hug.

“Really?” I asked him in surprise. Was he really suggesting that?

“I’d do quite a lot to make you happy, even pretend to be your boyfriend.” He smiled down at me as I whispered a sincere ‘thank you’ against his broad chest.

We were that kind of best friends that everybody mistook for a couple anyway. We were pretty affectionate towards each other, in a platonic way of course. Making it look like we were in a relationship was therefore not a very challenging task.

I was still nervous though when I got dressed the following Friday. I wanted to make an impression. I wanted people to look at me and think ‘wow, she really made it.’ I wanted to prove all of those people who never saw my potential in high school wrong.  

“It’s just your friends from high school, Y/N.” Dan tried to calm me down as he walked in with his car keys in his hands.

I obviously didn’t grow up in central London, where our flat was, but in a small town about an hour away.

“I had like 4 close friends in high school, Dan.” I reminded him laughing.

I never tried to be popular or fit in, I found 4 wonderful friends and that was totally enough for me. My high school times were therefore quite drama free except for the fact that I was occasionally made fun of and told that I would stay single forever, of course.

We left our shared flat and drove to the place where we were going to meet up.

As soon as we got out of the car again, Dan automatically took my hand as if it was a totally normal thing to do. I looked up at him in surprise and stared at him with wide eyes until I caught on to what was happening.

We were here together, Dan was the ‘partner’ I brought along with me.

“Ohh” I mouthed, feeling a little blush make its way onto my cheeks. I hadn’t really thought about that.

I shot Dan a nervous look before we walked into the restaurant together where most of my old classmates were already waiting for everybody to arrive.

He reassuringly intertwined our fingers, making me smile.

I saw a lot of familiar faces, some hadn’t changed at all, some changed a lot. I didn’t stay in touch with anybody from high school, so I hadn’t seen anyone in almost 10 years.

“Hey Everyone!” I greeted all of them cheerfully.

Their heads turned and they eagerly eyed Dan and I up and down.

“Y/N Y/L/N is that you?” Kimberly, who had always been the straight A student, asked.

“Yeah, it’s me. C’mon I haven’t changed that much, have I? This is my boyfriend Dan, by the way.”

The last sentence felt weird and at the same time so… natural? Dan’s face beamed as the word ‘boyfriend’ left my mouth and I couldn’t hold back a sweet smile either. He said his greetings as well before we sat down at the huge table.

After everyone had arrived we ordered some drinks and started chatting. Everybody was asked to talk about what they have been up to since we all finished high school.

Then it was suddenly my turn.  

“Well… I work as a lawyer for Youtube and me and Dan live in London now.” I told everybody.

Most people seemed impressed by the words Youtube, London and lawyer. Our home town was quite small and boring. London on the other hand being a beautiful big city sounded exciting.

“You studied law?” Somebody asked and I nodded.

“Yes, at Manchester University, that’s where I met Dan.” I smiled up at my tall ‘boyfriend’.

“So, are you a lawyer as well, Daniel?” Stacy, one of our former cheerleaders asked.

Dan was definitely getting some attention from the female part of our group. I protectively placed my hand on his thigh to show everyone that he was with me… which he actually wasn’t.

In reaction, he showed me his famous half smirk, as if he were saying ‘jealous much?’. I rolled my eyes at him but we both knew that he was right deep down.

“I’m not.” Dan laughed at the thought. “I finished like one semester before I dropped out. I’m a Youtuber now. That’s how me and Y/N met again.”

I could tell that Dan was feeling awkward once again because he didn’t know if people understood his profession.

Luckily though most people did and were now really interested in what Dan was doing.

He was asked all sorts of questions, and most of the conversations were focused on the two of us now since everybody treated Dan like he was a super famous celebrity and those were extremely rare in my old hometown.

I was very proud of Dan while he explained his job and passion. He then talked about me and how we met and it that honestly made my heart melt. Could this really be? Who knew that I had feelings like that for my best friend? Everybody but us two probably.

“Who would have thought that you Y/N, out of all people, would hit the jackpot.” Stacy uttered completely stunned and barely able to keep her eyes off Dan.

“Nah, I feel like I was the one who hit the jackpot.” he softly said, while looking at me with loving eyes. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as some people around us ‘awwed’.

“Dan, stop it.” I whined smiling and gently hit his chest before I leaned my head against his broad shoulder. We were behaving like two lovey dovey teenagers, which we, let’s be real, probably really were.  

“You two are perfect for each other.” Kimberly swooned like some of Dan’s fans on tumblr.

Dan and I’s gazes met as we both blushed.

“We are.” Dan whispered into my ear, making my heart skip a beat.

vanityfair.com
Fran Lebowitz on Race and Racism
By Fran Lebowitz

The way to approach it, I think, is not to ask, “What would it be like to be black?” but to seriously consider what it is like to be white. That’s something white people almost never think about. And what it is like to be white is not to say, “We have to level the playing field,” but to acknowledge that not only do white people own the playing field but they have so designated this plot of land as a playing field to begin with. White people are the playing field. The advantage of being white is so extreme, so overwhelming, so immense, that to use the word “advantage” at all is misleading since it implies a kind of parity that simply does not exist.

It is now common—and I use the word “common” in its every sense—to see interviews with up-and-coming young movie stars whose parents or even grandparents were themselves movie stars. And when the interviewer asks, “Did you find it an advantage to be the child of a major motion-picture star?” the answer is invariably “Well, it gets you in the door, but after that you’ve got to perform, you’re on your own.” This is ludicrous. Getting in the door is pretty much the entire game, especially in movie acting, which is, after all, hardly a profession notable for its rigor. That’s how advantageous it is to be white. It’s as though all white people were the children of movie stars. Everyone gets in the door and then all you have to do is perform at this relatively minimal level.

Additionally, children of movie stars, like white people, have at—or actually in—their fingertips an advantage that is genetic. Because they are literally the progeny of movie stars they look specifically like the movie stars who have preceded them, their parents; they don’t have to convince us that they can be movie stars. We take them instantly at face value. Full face value. They look like their parents, whom we already know to be movie stars. White people look like their parents, whom we already know to be in charge. This is what white people look like—other white people. The owners. The people in charge. That’s the advantage of being white. And that’s the game. So by the time the white person sees the black person standing next to him at what he thinks is the starting line, the black person should be exhausted from his long and arduous trek to the beginning.

homestuck characters as gamers

  • aradia: mmos (WoW, BnS, maplestory, nexon stuff) loves exploring the worlds and maps and spends a lot of time leveling up professions vs her actual character. tends to quest alone because she has her own way of doing things. also.. skyrim & minecraft!
  • tavros: neopets mostly…. and WoW, generally plays with aradia
  • sollux: he writes macros/bots/hacks/scripts for existing games just for fun… also definitely a hearthstone/sc2 fanboy.. minecraft witih aradia
  • karkat: online RTS/MMO team games (OW, league, WoW) “CAN YOU FUCKERS STAY ON THE OBJECTIVE FOR ONCE” pings towers/drags/barons repeatedly, all chat warrior, loud mechanical keyboard and mouse that everyone in the voicecall can hear
  • nepeta: RPGs, MMOs!! she loves old fashioned games rpgs like earthbound/mother3, pokemon, fire emblem, she also plays WoW but exclusively on the RP servers with her guild (she doesnt do raids or pvp)
  • kanaya: story-heavy character driven games, generally single player, embarrassed about playing saucy dating sims. dragon age & sims4!!
  • terezi: hardcore pvp gamer, top tier pvp in WoW, challenger in League, plays really mechanically intense characters. never takes the game seriously and laughs when she dies. enjoys the occasional story-driven games like ace attorney, zero escape, dragon age!
  • vriska: any game that you play vs ppl/get ranked. shes’s THE #1 GAMER GRILL, has purchased the best equipment possible, she doesnt straight up rage but she gets SUPER CAUSTIC and makes people feel like shit if they feed lmao. pvp, pve master in wow, #1 challenger in league, doesnt play starcraft, #1 widowmaker in OW
  • equius: wii sports… breaks the wiimote often.. doesnt actually plays games
  • gamzee: plays wow but like he doesnt really know what hes doing he’s still in the starter zone, he just wanders around doing nothing. also plays some shooter games, a little bit of everythin. he gets distracted easily tho
  • eridan: CS:GO/FPS games. COD, Halo. plays xbox/ps4 stuff. no one plays with him because ps4 is for scrubs PCMASTERRACE
  • feferi: super casual iphone gamer, farmville, mystic messenger, candycrush, lovelive, whatever phone game is Hip and Popular
dumb college/profession au/future shit

I know the most common thing to do with dirk is to make him go into robotics or engineering and I GET it, but on the other hand: artist dirk

dirk is among the kids we see with the most actual artistic talent (the others being rose and roxy; dave isn’t bad before he adopts shitpost art as his signature style, but, well, you do you, kid). as far as homestuck goes, his style is basically as realistic and true-to-life as it gets.

can you imagine dirk doodling in all the edges of his margins. dirk quietly wishing he could pursue art but thinking it’s not “serious” enough, telling himself it’s not a “real” profession, going into engineering or robotics or something similar instead and everyone being like “oh of course dirk would” but all the kid wants to do is draw, he just thinks it’s shitty and embarrassing and “it’s like having a degree in creative writing, the fuck can you do with it”

jake, who is majoring in anthropology but can’t decide on a minor because everything else is too damned interesting, discovers dirk’s private (sfw) sketchbook and is astounded. dirk is humiliated. jake manages to convince him to at least MINOR in art. dirk tries to amend it to a minor in art history but jake will not stand for it

Alone on Valentine’s Day Analysis

- softe intro

- Anxiety pops up first which is highly unusual

- “Morality, don’t lie to him…” There’s something else to it I can tell by the tone in his voice but idk what

- Logan and Roman,.,,,, Agreeing,…,.,.,.,

- Morality’s interjection about knowing big words is interesting because he’s done that a couple of times, as well as doing it once with Spanish words in Making Some Changes. It’s a goofball thing, but speaks volumes about him as a character. He’s constantly pushed aside and patronized by Logan and Roman. So he tries to assert that he knows just as much as they do

- “We’ll need someone to practice on.” “Who?” “Each other…” He says it so tentatively like he’s waiting to be mocked

- Logan fixing his glasses and saying “Salutations” is my sexuality

- Anxiety doesn’t like the idea of asking people out because it’s a stressful nerve wracking thing but he’s confused by being told he can just not participate. This video is where the sides started developing more and I think it’s where the problems with Anxiety started

- Just,,,,, the entire Logan scene,,,,

- Sassy Anxiety

- He’s not just sassy he’s actually pretty frustrated in the entire video

- “You know what people like?” “Bagels!” “What- no- maybe…”

- Anxiety is definitely making fun of Morality

- (I can’t watch the letter scene so pardon me for the gap)

- “I’m hopelessly crushed!” It’s delivered so similarly to the line I can’t think of in Accepting Anxiety p1 (I mentioned in that analysis probably) and it hurts because when Patton’s upset, he smiles through it

- Roman is so confused by the concept of not talking about himself. I don’t like his character development because in the first couple videos, he was a great guy learning to love himself, and now he’s just kind of… egotistical. He’s an asshole. Knowing Thomas, he’ll redeem himself, but jesus

- Anxiety seems shocked when Prince says “And you kill it” and his face has genuine worry on it. What makes Thomas’ life difficult? Anxiety.

- “Fuck you Valerie”

- Patton is in genuine awe as Princey slays the dragon, but both Anxiety and Logan look pretty bored and exasperated

- (I have subs on and apparently Valerie said “I have waited for you so long, Thomas, do you really love me?” and Roman said “I assure you, I love you with all my heart.”)

- Why does Prince know Spanish

- Anxiety is pissed off again because he doesn’t like all the effort going into securing a date

- Morality smiling through pain again.

- Why does everyone mock Anxiety instead of letting him finish because he makes some good points

- “I wasn’t trying to help” but the body language says otherwise. He was trying to help, but if he actually presented it that way, would anyone have listened?

- Patton and Val are playing Patty Cake. Foreshadowing?

- Also Thomas’ lil wink when he tells them to stop

- “And self-love!” Princey did you learn to love yourself and just become an asshole or are you over compensating?

- Morality is so extra

- Logan doesn’t need prodding to profess love, even if he’s bad at it

- “What are you laughing at hot topic?” “You think I’m hot.”

- Dad voice

- Take it easy, guys gals and nonbinary pals!

Incoming fan-lore critical rant

  Alright fam real talk time now. This is WoW related so if you couldn’t care less about WoW you can totally ignore this. So Im a massive fan of Draenei, and they are basically responsible for most of my interest in the game/world along with the Elves. They are surprisingly one of the most if not the most original, well designed, subversive fantasy races I’ve ever come across next to the Sylvari from Guild Wars 2.

  Heres my issue, and its a hugely irritating one. WHY does almost everyone keep superimposing our concept of gender roles, politics, understanding of religion, etc onto them? Its irritating as hell and massively out of character for the entire species lol; like have yall actually been paying attention? We see extremely low (almost negligible) levels of sexism in their culture with females being present in EVERY profession and level of their society in generally equal ratios to men with some exceptions (additionally this fact is not questioned or criticized by any of them). Our stereotypes of gender are totally irrelevant to them lol. Their whole culture is counter to ours. They are extremely collective oriented with focus being placed on the whole while value is still placed on individual freedom and expression of knowledge.

Keep reading

Demoralisation.

We’ve talked a lot about demoralisation amongst doctors, but I think it’s not always easy to understand. Because we do love our jobs and we do want to help people. We want to love our jobs. We all started off desperately wanting to be doctors, and many of us do actually enjoy the doctoring bit. So why are we all so down? I’ll try to give you a taste.

Imagine wanting to do something, to be someone so badly, that you spent your entire childhood and adolescence working singlemindedly towards it. You give it your everything, extra study, more tests, the works. Imagine being the smart kid at school, eager to work hard and impress, and being good at many things. Imagine being able to be nearly anything you could have wanted. Imagine spending the best years of your life stuck in revision whilst everyone around you was partying or dating or doing things that were fun. Imagine paying serious money for the privilege, and taking years out of your life to achieve it. Years studying. Years not working. Years of getting into debt when you could have been supporting yourself or your family. Imagine being so happy to graduate and finally be able to help people. Imagine your nervous, frenzied first attempts at being a doctor in the big bad world out there. Imagine the excitement of succeeding.

Imagine missing friends’ weddings and relatives’ funerals because there was nobody else who could be there to keep your patients safe. Imagine having to make countless excuses to friends and to family and to partners. Imagine all the dates who decided “this is just too… complicated for me. Sorry.” Imagine losing touch with friends because you were always moving, always busy, and always tired. Sometimes they will understand, sometimes they won’t. Imagine all your friends working reasonable hours, earning a decent amount and having time to actually have some semblance of a life. Imagine rarely being able to see even the ones that understand and love you for who you are. Imagine starting to forget what it’s like to have a hobby or do something that isn’t work. Imagine starting to forget who you are, where your role ends and where your personhood begins.

Imagine working long days and silly shifts only to come home and head straight for your books. For exams you struggle to pay yourself. Imagine being a single parent, and having to wonder whether you can afford to do this job because it’s so hard to get childcare. Imagine hearing your child say “You’re never home. I miss you” nearly every day. Imagine your partner telling you that you seem to be working more and more lately. Imagine feeling that you are neglecting your own loved ones in trying to keep everyone else’s safe. Imagine fearing that you will end up resenting the job you love, because it will have taken so much from your life.

Imagine feeling forced to work another last minute shift because there was literally nobody else. Imagine gradually finding that more and more, every day was short staffed and busy. Imagine feeling that you aren’t giving your best care because you are stuggling just to get the urgent things done and keep patients safe. Imagine skipping meals and lack of sleep so often that it becomes normal. Imagine feeling like you can’t take sick leave because there is nobody else to kee people safe.  Imagine things getting busier and busier until work is a nearly constant grind and you barely have time to think. Imagine nearly every day being a ‘major incident’. Imagine increasing pressure from all your colleagues. Imagine feeling unsupported by your seniors or your colleagues on a regular basis. Imagine being left to deal with difficult situations on your own. Imagine how hard it is to deal with grave situations, and how emotionally draining and heartbreaking it can be.

Imagine patients and relatives who don’t see the pressure you are under. Imagine those who scream, yell, demand things are done right away or threaten to sue. Imagine those who are verbally abusive or violent. Imagine the ones that make all your colleagues cry, and from whom you have to hide your tears. Imagine how often your colleagues never report abuse because they don’t feel that they can. Imagine a context where failings are subjected to ‘trial by media’ and individuals are vilified, but the systemic failings which caused mistakes to happen are neither acknowledged nor addressed. Imagine a culture where doctors are under duty by the GMC to whistleblow, but given no legal protection if they do so.

Imagine all your colleagues talking about considering leaving the profession. Imagine your colleagues who have already left telling you life is much better abroad or outside of medicine. Imagine nearly every speciality reporting recruitment shortages, bad morale and overwork. Imagine knowing that you are twice as likely to suffer from mental health problems or suicide.

Imagine becoming more and more afraid that you will slip up due to tiredness. Imagine fearing the impact that this could have on your patients and their families, and how you might live with yourself. Imagine knowing that if you did, you would probably lose your job, but the employers and those who caused those conditions to happen would face no consequences.  Imagine having to talk close friends off the ledge. Not just once, but on a regular basis. Imagine knowing that some people don’t succeed. Imagine knowing that this will only get worse if things deteriorate.

Imagine your boss saying that you’re not doing enough. Imagine them saying that you all need to work more days. Imagine them saying that there just need to be more cuts. Imagine your employer having already cut so many things that everyone is always struggling. Imagine a context where services are not appropriately funded, and then individuals working within are blamed for predictable shortcomings which could have been avoided with appropriate funding and safeguards. Imagine fearing that instead of proper investment, those whose job it is to look after your healthcare system may be trying to privatise it for profit. Imagine wondering if your patients and your children will be able to afford healthcare in the future.

Imagine your boss taking the safeguards away which limit how much time your employer can make you work. Imagine your boss reducing pay for the agency staff who are filling empty posts and keeping things afloat. Imagine being expected to work more hours, more weekends for less pay. Imagine the constant pressure to see more patients in less time, and being given less resources to look after them. Imagine knowing that you will probably work far longer than any rostered hours. Imagine knowing that your senior colleagues are fighting a similar battle and their conditions may be similarly affected. Imagine finding out how many of them can’t wait to retire, and remembering the days when doctors used to love working late into life.  Imagine realising that you may not win this battle.

Imagine your boss telling everyone they just don’t understand why you are all demoralised and telling everyone that you’re actually getting a pay rise and less hours. Imagine the public believing the lies. Imagine the media believing that everyone is demoralised because the union is telling us to be. Imagine the public telling you that you knew what you were getting into. Imagine the public telling you that you are overpaid, greedy, lazy, incompetent and ought to shut up and get back to work. Imagine the public telling you that the way your profession have chosen to voice your concerns (striking) is unacceptable, but not listening to any of the other ways your colleagues have tried to engage them. Imagine hearing over and over again that the system, which is underfunded compared to every other Western country, is ‘unsustainable’ when this is not true.

Imagine just wanting to do your job and help people, but feeling bogged down in difficulties that should never be a part of your job. Imagine loving being a doctor but hating what it has become. Imagine fearing that situations may get so bad that you too may be forced to leave for your own sanity and health.

This is why so many of my peers are demoralised.

anonymous asked:

20. for the things you said prompts

20) Things you said that I wasn’t meant to hear

A missing scene from “Redux II”

I’d like to try this.” My throat feels constricted, I practically have to choke out the words, and I can’t believe I’m actually taking your suggestion. But then again, I’ve often forgone my faith in science in favor of my faith in you.

Everyone in the room is quiet. As if you and everyone else is trying to process my decision. That I’m agreeing with you. I think Bill scoffs.

“Fox, a word?” It is my mother who breaks the silence. I’m suddenly afraid she may chew you out for suggesting something so outlandish, and I certainly don’t want her to do it here, now. You can make these professions of other-worldly solutions in front of me all you want, but my family will not accept as I do. They may be even more skeptical than I am.

You look at me as if you expect me to throw you a life preserver, but instead I give you a soft smile. Whatever she needs to tell you, you need to listen.

But then she gestures you out of the room, pulling your sleeve, almost. And you follow her obediently. Dr. Zuckerman takes the vial from my hands and leaves to prepare the chip for implantation. Now I am alone with Bill, whose expression continues in a back-and-forth manifestation of disbelief and anger. He won’t look at me directly, and he won’t stop pacing. I let out a tense sigh and attempt to shut out his shuffling.

It is then that I am able to discern your conversation with my mother.

“Do you really think this is the only shot Dana has left?”

“Yeah. I really do.” There’s a long pause, and I’m sure my mother is trying to come to terms with what you’ve just told her. That this is the end of the road for me.

“I’m at a loss, Mrs. Scully. She’s tired of fighting, I know she is, and I’m tired of watching her pretend that she isn’t.” Your voice has gotten lower, if it was even possible. And yet, through the walls of my hospital room, it still permeates and embeds into every fiber of my being. I think your voice sustains me; maybe it’s fighting the cancer for me, too.

“I can’t afford to lose her. Watching her die, it may kill me. I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of in order to save her. I’ve sacrificed a lot for my work, our work. But her life is not one of those things I’m willing to sacrifice.”

“You seem awfully concerned for her well-being, going to these extremes that you’re alluding to.” No, Mom, don’t bring this up now.

“Mrs. Scully…”

“Just as you must have done when she went missing a few years ago. And your behavior when she returned was quite something, as well.”

Silence. I’m assuming my mother has pinned you with one of her stares, those “you can’t keep anything from me, and I probably already know” stares. Oh, Mulder, I’m so sorry.

“I just.. I can’t let her die, okay? I can’t let her die knowing we could have tried something and didn’t. This chip, it has to work. I need it to work.”

“You love her, don’t you, Fox?” Jesus, Mom, can’t you let this go? Please don’t put him on the spot like this.

Your voice is almost a whisper now. I’m not quite sure how I hear it, but I do. “Yes. But that won’t matter if she’s dead.”

It’s only when I try to take in more air that I realize I’m holding my breath. I can’t seem to release what’s in my lungs, and, startled at the lack of oxygen I’ve been depriving my brain, coughing becomes my only defense mechanism. It’s more a combination of choking and hyperventilating.

Did you really just say what I think you said? And why do your words hurt rather than comfort me?

Bill appears at my side, I think he thinks this might be the end. My mom rushes to my other side, as well, attempting to soothe me and wipe the tears from my cheeks. Once I regain something resembling my normal composure, I chance a glance at you, wide-eyed and terrified, like you know that I heard you. Like your admission of love is going to hasten my illness, when in reality, I think it’s the only thing that motivates me to fight.

Yes, Mulder. Your love for me won’t matter if I’m dead. Just as mine for you won’t matter, either.

anonymous asked:

Quick question about Yuuri and Phichit in college! How are they academically? Is Yuuri as much of an overachiever in academics as he is in figure skating? Is he the kind of sweet shy beautiful model student who makes crusty old professors weep with joy and remember why they took up this noble profession to begin with? Does Phichit befriend all his lecturers and TAs and add them all on social media?

Yuuri is a complete overachiever and Phichit practically has to drag him out to interact with other people because he spends his whole life either training or studying. He graduated with extremely high marks and all his professors loved him and so did his classmates because he shared all his amazing notes with everyone and tutored people who needed it. 

Phichit is very very social at college but still somehow gets amazing marks (he actually works very very hard but doesn’t brag about it) so everyone is kind of jealous of him but not really because you can’t not like him. He’s the campus gossip queen and he has dirt on everyone

Steal Your Heart - Finn Shelby

Request: Can you plz do a Finn imagine where your in a gang you run it a gang of pickpockets and he fancies you cause of how carefree you are and how your just having fun during the pickpocketing. Then his brothers notices he likes you and tries to set yous up / they brotherly tease him about liking you

Steal Your Heart - Finn Shelby

Finn’s hands dug in his vest pockets, checking for the pocket watch Tommy had given him only yesterday. He remembered putting it on this morning. Slipping the watch in the pocket of his vest and clipping the chain just above the middle button the way Polly had told him to wear it. When his pockets turned up empty he padded down his trousers and jacket, thinking he must have misplaced the object. It was only when that seemed to prove as a dead end that a thought occurred to him. Finn grabbed his cap, fixing it on his head, and stomped all the way to the Black Lion.  

Keep reading

The problem is not regular minimum wage jobs going up. The problem here would be that paramedic making a pathetic amount of money compared to what they do. I made 12.50 as a hostess.
Raising the minimum wage would get this paramedic in the scenario much closer to what they deserve as a salary. Do people not realize that?

Also, why, in every one of these fucking posts, are fast-food workers used as an example? You know minimum wage affects FAR more people and types of jobs than that, right? You can have a degree and be paid less than $15 hourly. But, apparently, unless you’re in the medical profession, you don’t deserve more. And evidently everyone that isn’t in the medical profession works at McDonalds.

Let’s not deny an entire mass of people a working wage because you got an incorrect order. That is moronic. How about you campaign and work toward fixing the actual problem in this scenario rather than turning on the working class. Look upwards, not downwards.

P.s. Any minimum wager could easily call out high paid jackasses for not doing their jobs, that they are highly paid to do, correctly but do you see that as often as this? Nope. Because they are focused on getting their fair wage, not just wildly pointing fingers. [Ending was edited out because it was a simple joke and people took it seriously then blew it way out of proportion]