it has haunted me ever since'

Him X

Originally posted by kdrauhl

Pairing: Shawn x Y/N

Request: It was requested a long time ago lol

Warnings: Angst? Shitty ass writing

A/N: So here it is!! This’ll probably be the last part?? Idk we’ll see


Shawn’s P.O.V

A week has passed since I put Derek up for adoption. I thought if I did I’d forget Y/N completely, but boy was I wrong.

Keep reading

Seriously though it would have been so easy to have canon gay characters in the Harry Potter series. All this stuff that JK Rowling said about not having enough time or would distract from the original trio is nonsense. Case in point:

Seamus gave a great roar of delight then ran to give Dean a lung crushing hug before pulling him down into a desperate kiss that was hungrily returned. Harry supposed ‘best friends’ was no longer an accurate description of the pair. 

or:

There were duels all over the stairs and in the Hall, Death Eaters everywhere Harry looked. He saw Alicia and Katie share a passionate kiss before they raced down the corridor to join the battle.

or maybe:

“Did I know in my heart of hearts what Gellert Grindelwald was? I think I did, but I closed my eyes. I chose to be blinded by my love for him. A choice that has haunted me ever since” 

or perhaps:

As Harry entered the great hall he walked past Lavender and Parvati who were sitting opposite the latter’s twin with their bodies pressed close together while their hands held the others in a death like grip that showed no signs of ever being let go.

or even:

“Albus Severus” Harry said quietly, so that nobody but Ginny could hear him, who tactfully turned to talk to Oliver and Marcus as they waved off their own three boys. 

See all I had to do was just add in a sentence or not even that and suddenly ….. wow a gay character. That wasn’t too hard now was it JK. 

1. Last year the doctor told me that this kind of sadness is inherited. That they have discovered that sometimes it skips a generation. That the darkness inside me did not grow from nowhere it came from somewhere. I thought to myself, that there is a reason why I have always thought my heart was an attic where I hid pieces of myself. Pieces no one ever wanted.

2. The first boy I ever chose to show this sadness to decided to take it from my attic heart and planted it inside my soul instead. It was easy for him. My soul was a garden I showed him too soon. And he decided that meant he was allowed to take anything he wanted to.

3. Every man who has dared to love me since, has stared at this dark ivy covered soul like it is a haunted house, and I have never tried to explain the thing I have always known. Because men do not have to learn how to open their own selves and lock themselves up again. They are taught to be themselves and the world will accept them better that way. We are taught to break our bodies to be loved. We are taught to confuse sex and love.

4. I knew a girl whose father left her and she took all of her love for him and ate it to comfort herself. People joked how she lived in the kitchen. No one saw her tears when she ate.

5. A friend once told me that she locked herself inside the closet when her parents fought because her father beat her mother and she wished herself into the wood, just so she knew what it was like to be an inanimate object that couldn’t hear or feel anything.

6. My mother told me, that it is the way of the world for girls to grow into women by locking secrets inside themselves. Till now I still imagine every woman I have ever met as a big beautiful house. Full of secret rooms, hiding places, once filled with innocent laughter and joy. Now slightly sad and forgotten because of all those lost places inside them full of secrets.

—  Nikita Gill, The House Inside Her

You know what really boils my blood?  When people hate on Boromir (and A LOT of people do).  It’s easy to see him as arrogant and reckless when he does such gasp-worthy things such as when he spats “Gondor has no king!” at our beloved Aragorn or when he tries to take the ring from poor little Frodo.  But it’s just so sad that that’s all people remember him for.  So, I invite you to take a look at a few things concerning Boromir, the Captain of the White Tower of Gondor…

Boromir was raised in war, probably from a very small boy.  His entire existence has been spent fighting for Gondor… a kingless country that, despite an empty throne, has remained strong through the ages and Boromir is PROUD of that.  HE has taken up his sword to fight.  HE has watched his people die in battle.  HE has led armies into bloody victory.  Gondor is HIS country and he has paid blood for it and he loves it with all his heart.  If one thing can be said of Boromir, it is that he loves his country.

Can we blame him, then, for his bitterness when he meets this guy, this “Ranger from the North,” who is supposedly “his king?”  A lot of people simply see arrogance when Boromir declares hotly that “Gondor has no king… Gondor needs no king.”  But I’d wager that it was justifiable anger he was feeling when he shot those words.  I’d bet what was going on in his head was, “Where have you been, Aragorn? Where were you when Gondor’s people were being slaughtered?  Where were you when I had to watch my men fight and die?  Where were you… when I had to tell Gondor’s women they were widowed? Where were you??”

Now… don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Aragorn but let’s face it- he really was wrong in running from his people for so long… but I’ll stand in his defense another time.

But truly… I can’t imagine the fiery anger Boromir must have felt when he was first made to understand that he was looking into the eyes of Isildur’s heir.  If you ask me, he handled himself rather well.  I wonder how many times he, covered in sweat and blood, scanned the gore of the battlefield and felt a pang of bitterness toward this Aragorn son of Arathorn who was off who knows where doing who knows what.  And now here he sits, big as life in all his lordly fashion and Boromir is being told by Legolas, “You owe him your allegiance.”  Umm… Excuse me?  Owe him?  Hang on, hang  on, hang on, let me get this straight:  I… owe HIM… my allegiance…?  Okay, pardon me while I go scream into my pillow.

Let’s back up a bit…

Let us recall that Boromir was raised by his father, Denethor II,the Steward of Gondor, a deranged schizophrenic who literally worshipped him, all the while relentlessly abusing his little brother, Faramir, the one person Boromir loves more than anyone in all of Middle Earth.  Boromir is looking on helplessly as his country is slowly weakening under the powers of Mordor and, despite his strong leadership, he is beginning to lose hope.  How much longer can they fight without a king?  …without a power strong enough to defend against that of Mordor?  And just when all hope is lost, word has come from Rivendell that the One Ring has been found.  Many believe that it was greed that drove Boromir to Rivendell but have we forgotten that it was his father who commanded him to go and bring The Ring back to Gondor?

Seriously, am I the only one seeing Boromir’s face when he is given this commission?  That’s terror, guys… not greed.  In fact, he initially refuses the task until Faramir volunteers, at which time Boromir reluctantly decides to go… not for himself, but for Faramir and for Gondor.  

And so, it is with this purpose, that he rides to the Council of Elrond, skeptical but willing to obey his father’s wishes for the sake of his people.  On the eve of the Council, he wanders the halls of the elves and comes across the shards of Narsil being displayed opposite a painting of Isildur parting The Ring from Sauron’s hand.  At first, he speaks with awe and reverence as he gingerly touches the blade, accidentally cutting his finger.  But this display only serves as a reminder that Gondor’s line of kings has been broken just as much as has the blade that cut The Ring.  He comments that the blade is “still sharp… but no more than a broken end” and continues his wandering, his awe now replaced with disgust and resentment.

At the Council the following day, Frodo brings forth The Ring and its power is felt by all who are present.  Boromir, in his awe-struck naivety, reaches for The Ring in curiosity but Gandalf puts him in his place.  But Boromir is not to be quieted, for suddenly, he has an idea.  You can literally hear the excitement and hope in his voice as he says, “It is a gift!”  He stands with growing confidence and pleads with elves, dwarves, and men to take this weapon and “let us use it against him!”  Hope is finally within grasp for Gondor!  But no.  Sorry, Boromir.  Not today.  The Ring must be destroyed.  Boromir is disappointed but nonetheless, he chooses to become one of the nine companions making up the Fellowship of the Ring. 

If we’re being completely honest, this is one of the best scenes in the trilogy.  Frodo, a humble and innocent hobbit who deserves none of this noise, steps bravely forward to bear the horrific pain and suffering that is The One Ring.  Aragorn rises and vows “If by my life or death, I can protect you, I will.”  The music builds and the epicness is incredible as Strider kneels and declares “You have my sword,” followed by Legolas’ “…and you have my bow…” and Gimli’s “…and my axe!”  But many dismiss Boromir as he too steps forward.  The disappointment is transparent in his face as he approaches Frodo, accepting that this decision is final.  But Boromir is used to disappointment and he is used to putting his feelings aside for the greater good.  He bravely vows to the Ring Bearer, “If this is indeed the will of the Council, then Gondor will see it done.”

This is a sadly overlooked high moment for Boromir.  He is barely over the shock of learning that the man who has abandoned his country’s throne sits before him- and on top of that, he is expected to honor him as his king- plus, he has just failed in attempting to persuade the Council to allow Gondor to use The Ring to defeat the enemy once and for all.  By any standards, he has failed his mission.  And yet, he chooses to honor the will of the Council and agrees to aid in destroying The Ring.  And note that he did not say, “I will see it done.”  He says, “Gondor will see it done.”  (Have I mentioned yet how much Boromir loves his country?)

So, The Fellowship sets off and Boromir forms a friendship with and develops a love for the hobbits, teaching and instructing them how to fight and defend themselves and he loves every minute of it, perhaps remembering simpler times spent with his little brother… but all the while, the reality of his weakening country gnaws at the back of his mind.  Still, he continues on… but The Ring has a will of its own.  It knows that Boromir desires it, even if it is with good intention, and keep in mind that The Ring wants nothing more than to fall into the hands of men.  Aragorn does not desire its power and so it is to Boromir that The Ring calls.  It could not have been an easy thing to resist day in and day out.  Everyone sees the pain of the halfling with the big blue eyes but Frodo isn’t the only one nobly struggling to resist The Ring’s power.

Everyone forgets Boromir’s role in The Lord of the Rings.  Everyone forgets that it was Boromir who was concerned for the hobbits when they were freezing to death in The Pass of Caradhras.  No one remembers that it was Boromir who grabbed Frodo and held him and carried him to safety as Gandalf fell to his death.  Everyone seems to forget that it was Boromir who comforted Gimli outside Moria and implored Aragorn to give everyone “a moment for pity’s sake!”

No one remembers Boromir’s bravery, his leadership, or his great big heart.  Instead, he is remembered only for a fleeting moment of weakness, when he gives in to The Ring and tries to take it from Frodo by force.  He gets so much hate for this and yet take a look one more time at the images above… this is Boromir.  This is a man who loves unconditionally his country, his family, and the hobbits who have become his friends.  But you’d be surprised how many people I’ve heard call him “the guy who tried to kill Frodo.”  (Which is totally untrue, he never tried to kill him… but I’m getting ahead of myself.)

The Fellowship, minus one, arrives at Caras Galadhon in Lothlórien and when Lady Galadriel speaks to Boromir telepathically, he is broken to tears, for she speaks of his devotion to his father, the fall of Gondor, and the fact that “even now, there is hope left.”  Nothing means more to him and yet he cannot see it.  He shares this with Aragorn, whom he has begun to make peace with in his heart, for his country is more important to him than his pride.  He stares longingly into the distance as the elves of Lórien sing a haunting lament for Gandalf the Grey and utters with great feeling, “It is long since we had any hope.  My father is a noble man, but his rule is failing, and our people lose faith. He looks to me to make things right and I would do it… I would see the glory of Gondor restored.”  Hope is barely detectable in his voice as he asks, “Have you ever seen it, Aragorn?  The White Tower of Ecthelion, glimmering like a spike of pearl and silver, its banners caught high in the morning breeze… Have you ever been called home by the clear ringing of silver trumpets?”  Aragorn answers, without feeling, that he has seen The White City long ago.  It is clear that he does not yet share Boromir’s adoration of Gondor. 

Throughout the journey, Boromir tries many times to plead with Aragorn to take The Ring back to Gondor.  "Let us make for the White City!“ he implores, but is shot down every single time (which ends up being a good thing but imagine Boromir’s frustration when all he wants is to aid his people.)  He tries so hard to start seeing the ranger as a king but it’s so agonizing when Aragorn is so against going back to Gondor.  He confronts Aragorn one night by the river and points out how quick he is to trust the elves and yet he has so little faith in his own people.  “Yes, there is weakness, there is frailty,” he admits, “but there is courage also!  And honor to be found in men!  But you will not see that!  You are afraid!  All your life, you have hidden in the shadows, scared of who you are, of what you are…” to which Aragorn gets all up in his face and retorts, “I will not lead The Ring within a hundred leagues of your city!”

Finally, we reach Parth Galen where Boromir meets with Frodo in the forest of Amon Hen.  (Here we go, the part everyone remembers… or do they?)  Take a minute here and think for a second, guys… do you honestly think Boromir went into those woods simply to harm Frodo?  He probably did seek him out under the guise of collecting firewood, but after everything we’ve just looked at, ask yourself if he really did so maliciously.  I do not believe for a second that Boromir followed Frodo intending to do any harm; rather, this whole journey, he has seen and empathized with Frodo’s suffering, which no doubt mirrors his own aching heart.  He tries to council Frodo, suggesting one last time that maybe he can help… after all, Aragorn isn’t listening, so perhaps his hobbit friend will. 

But Frodo is having serious trust issues at the moment, given that Gandalf is gone and he has foreseen what will happen should he fail, and so he turns quickly and defensively away, which surprises Boromir… he loves the hobbits!  He can’t take it anymore.  “I ask only for the strength to defend my people!” he declares angrily, smashing the firewood to the ground.  And there… there is where The Ring takes its hold on Boromir.

He begins approaching Frodo, hand outstretched, suggesting that maybe he could just lend him The Ring.

“No,” Frodo answers quickly, obviously scared but bravely firm.

 “Why do you recoil?” Boromir asks, “I am no thief!”

“You are not yourself!” Frodo warns him.  Having had The Ring for months now, Frodo knows when he is looking at someone who has been taken by it.  Not only that, but he has known Boromir for months now too and he knows when The Ring is affecting his friend.  He’s seen a glimpse of it before, in The Pass of Caradhras.

And the more Boromir advances, the more The Ring feeds off of everything- his bitterness towards Aragorn, his frustration in failing to fulfill his father’s command, his fear that his country will die… and it builds and builds and finally, Boromir just snaps.

Frodo couldn’t have been more right when he said that Boromir was not himself.  It is a common misconception that Boromir wanted The Ring for himself all along but that is not the case.  He wanted The Ring for Gondor and to honor his father but his greatest weakness lay in the fact that he significantly underestimated its power.  He has a moment of weakness and The Ring latches onto this.  Frodo flees and Boromir, in a fit of rage, screams that The Ring will end up in the hands of Sauron and all will be lost.  He trips and falls and his head clears and he realizes what he’s done.  He frantically calls out for Frodo, feeling terrible guilt… and I wonder if he thought of his father in this moment?  I wonder if he saw Denethor in himself as he lashed out at a helpless hobbit, the same way his father would lash out at his brother, Faramir? 

Just a thought.

But there is no time to dwell on this.  The Uruk-Hai attack and Boromir does what he does best, charging in to protect those he loves.  Three thick, splintering arrows plunge into his body one by one, and yet he continues to fight for the hobbits until he is taken at length by the agonizing pain and blood loss.  His last stand was made doing what he’d done all his life- defending his people.   His redemption came with this defense, but it came at the price of his life.  As it would later be spoken in Minas Tirith by a fool of a Took, “The mightiest man may be slain by one arrow, and Boromir was pierced by many.” 

His last ounce of strength spent, he lays dying and Aragorn comes to his side.  Boromir queries desperately about Frodo and begs for forgiveness for his failure but Aragorn assures him that Frodo and The Ring are safe and that he fought bravely and has kept his honor.  Gasping for breath, Boromir makes one last pleading attempt to convince Aragorn to take his rightful place as king.  “The world of men will fall,” he says with great difficulty, “and all will come to darkness, my city to ruin!” …to which the Ranger from the North finally, finally replies… "I do not know what strength is in my blood but I swear to you… I will not let the White City fall, nor our people fail.”

Our people.“

That’s all he wanted to hear.  His breaths are labored and pained but peace passes over his face as he reaches for his sword to voice his last words in salute:   “I would have followed you, my brother… my captain… my king.”

“Be at peace, Son of Gondor.”

Son of Gondor.  Yes, indeed.  Boromir was a patriot if there ever was one.  A true hero.  And it’s both heartbreaking and infuriating that he is so commonly misunderstood.  But at least one person got it… as he watches the body of his countryman disappear into the falls, Aragorn straps on Boromir’s bracers in his honor, knowing full well that it is time to face his responsibilities and reclaim his throne.  Boromir’s country is now his.

And that’s why I want to punch a wall anytime someone hates on Boromir, Captain of the White Tower of Gondor… because he is so much more than a mistake made in the forest of Amon Hen.  Have you ever noticed that when Faramir asks Frodo, “You are a friend of Boromir?” he replies without hesitation, “Yes.  For my part.”  Tolkien paints a beautiful portrait of forgiveness here.  Even Frodo refused to remember Boromir solely for his moment of weakness… so why should anyone else?

Remember Boromir.  Remember the friend who taught Merry and Pippin to use a sword… the big brother who provided a father’s love when it was not given… the warrior who fought for a dying country and a leaderless people.  Remember Boromir, Son of Gondor, for it was, after all, his persistence and courage that ultimately led a ranger to take his place as king.

100 Reasons to Study:

I never expected this “reasons to study” thing to get so many submissions, and as it takes me so long to post them all, I decided to do a bulk post of some so here they are:

(If I haven’t included a url, it was submitted by an anon).

  1. To prove people that “bad” students can become excellent students too.
  2. To expand your knowledge of the world.
  3. To look back on your success in ten years time. (Submitted byadxlastudies)
  4. To not let my mental illness define my grades. (Submitted bymusicandmaths)
  5. I study because I am privileged enough to have the opportunity. I study because I have no one getting in my way telling me I can’t. I study because I want to do some real good in this world. I study because I live in a country where being female has no significant disadvantage; and so, I take this opportunity so that I may make future opportunities for those who don’t have them. (Submitted by crimson-voltaire)
  6. My reason for studying is how I’ll get to where I want to be in my life which is successful, comfortable, and happy.
  7. I study to make my mum happy and proud.
  8. I study to prove my anxiety wrong!
  9. I study because I want to save lives.
  10. I study because my grandpa, orphaned during WWII when he was 8, worked 4 days a week in a mine to learn for 2 days. He’s retired after 40 years of working in diplomacy, for the last 5 years as an ambassador. He’s my role model. And I love him so much.
  11. I study because my primary school teacher from when I was 6 replied “Well who would think that?” when my mother informed her I was going to university. I study so I can tell her “Why would you not think that?”
  12. I study because I want to give myself the best future I possibly can as a black woman. (Submitted by n-marlzz)
  13. I study because my dreams are improbable. But not impossible. I will achieve them. (Submitted by redheadbecool)
  14. I study because even though I can’t imagine having a future, I want one. (Submitted by stxdys)
  15. I study so that I can be surrounded by the right people at school, at home, at work, and on Tumblr. You can only walk the path that you choose for yourself, so choose wisely. Pave your path with bricks, not straw.
  16. I study because last year I was in a mental hospital for young people and I discovered that I want my death to mean something.
  17. I study because diseases have haunted my family for long enough, and cancer deserves to be taken down once for all.
  18. I study because my father left school at age 13 to work to provide for his family and he has been working ridiculously hard ever since so I can have an education.
  19. I study to be self reliant and to get more answers. The concept of being independent is attractive to me, and if i study hard enough, i will be able to live freely without relying on my parents. The thought of getting answers is a huge satisfaction.
  20. I study because I told my ex, “Watch me go to Harvard”. So oops.
  21. Because I want to have a well paying job which means I can eventually travel the world one day.
  22. I study because I love to be productive really just in love with the feeling of it being noon and already have gotten everything done that I needed for that day. (Submitted by revision-babe)
  23. I want and I like to study because I believe that we as humans have the responsibility of maintain and grow the knowledge people developed in the past. How could we waist all those efforts to try know this wonderful world a little better?  (Submitted by mochilunar-universe​)
  24. I study because my Dad went through a lot of work to get to this country so that I could have a good life and a good education, and I’m not going to waste all his good efforts and take him and my education for granted.
  25. Because I believe I can do it and I won’t let their words stop me. (Submitted by truly-written-by-me)
  26. I study for my own sense of achievement! I’m also really motivated by my boyfriend who is very clever and works really hard. I want to get a first in my masters this year and I will!  (Submitted by @orchidbeam)
  27. I study for Nicki Minaj, she would be proud of me, and all the other women in the world. I hope that my degree will put me in the position to make a better world for all my sisters out there and the little ones.
  28. I study because my family isn’t as rich as our family friends, and other families always make fun about what my dad does for a living. I want to change that and make sure the only thing others talk about is how amazing we turned out and what a good career I’m going into.
  29. I study to make my parent’s hardships (moving to America, to provide a better life for my siblings and I) worth it.
  30. My reason to study is to show myself and everyone I am stronger than my mental illness and to prove everyone who said it would stop me from getting anywhere wrong.
  31. I study so I can change the world for the better.
  32. I study because I want to help my family, to fulfil my dreams and save lives.
  33. To be a champion.
  34. I want to study in order to prove myself and people that being dyslexic and dysorthographic doesn’t mean being stupid.  (Submitted bybritannicusmyfav)
  35. I love to learn,and I want to know about all the things I missed because of school system. (Submitted by @seshet)
  36. I study because I want to be the first sibling to go straight into uni without transferring from a community college.
  37. I want to study so that I can transfer out from a community college to a really good university so that people won’t think the decision I made to go to community college was bad. Also to make my DAD super proud!
  38. I study because I want to be the best version of myself.
  39. I study to make those who have taken care of me proud, to show them they did a good job. I also study for myself, to prove that I can fulfil my goals and that everyone who has ever made fun of me just pushed me forward instead of putting the boot in. Getting a good job to live with my boyfriend would be a great plus! We all need motivation, and what’s better to motivate oneself than dreams to fulfil! Here are mine. (~Submitted bystudy-littleidlegirl)
  40. I study because I never want to stop learning about myself and the world we live in.
  41. I study so I’m educated enough to take down the haters in an articulate way so I feel accomplished when leaving the situation.
  42. I study to ensure that when I’m actively in politics, only weak minded people will be able to scorn me due to my ethnic background or religion (or something stupid along those lines) instead of the immaculate policies and work I am carrying out.
  43. I study to become successful in my future and because I have a passion for learning. (Submitted by baklavugh)
  44. I study because I don’t have anything else to do. I guess it keeps me so busy that I don’t have time to think how lonely I am.
  45. Because it makes me happy to see my hard work paid off and also ensures a better future than I would have if I didn’t study well. (Submitted by h4rshitaa)
  46. I study to be able to pursue the career I want. For the thrill of knowledge, the security of understanding. For the way it shapes how I interpret the world. I study not because it is something I must do, but because it is something that is a part of who I am.  (Submitted by @audesapare)
  47. I study to improve my mind so I can understand deeply the things people thought I was not capable of understanding. I study so I can live the most fulfilled life possible. I take every second of this life as a chance to learn and improve myself.
  48. Because I’m going to prove girls are useful for more then just looks and a sex object.
  49. I study to open doors of opportunity. I study to improve my and others lives. I study to feel good when I go to sleep. I study to feel confident with my ability. I study to prove to myself what I can do.
  50. Because I want to show to my child that everything needed effort and passion. Also I want to show how important knowledge is, as a mom and as a housewife. (Submitted by studymamapartiallyhousewife)
  51. I study because it makes me happy to know I am in control of my future.
  52. I study because I am curious.
  53. So that I won’t have to struggle like my parents are financially.  (Submitted by study-sugar)
  54. I study because I want my single mother who has worked so hard for my education to live a better life when she’s older. I want her to look at me in the future, sitting in my office in a law firm and telling herself “it was all worth it”.
  55. FOR NICKI MINAJ. I WILL GO TO A HIGHER EDUCATION FOR YOU.
  56. I study so that I can be proud of the person that I am.
  57. I study because I want independence. After my bachelor’s degree I plan to be able to continue into further study such as an MA and support myself. I am an only child which has always led my family to be over protective and education will always be my way in holding my own in the world.
  58. I study so I can have the freedom to leave where I am now and actually be happy for a change. Without studying I wouldn’t be able to get the job nor satisfaction in life I know I deserve.
  59. I study because it’s the one thing I can decide for myself.
  60. I study because knowledge is power and I never want to feel inferior to anyone or have any regrets. I don’t want anything to hold me back from achieving my dreams. (Submitted by shreestudies)
  61. I study so I’m not so nervous for tests. Also to improve myself and my learning.
  62. I study because I have a huge thirst for knowledge. I love to learn and allow that to change me as a person for the better. I love being able to understand the world around me and contribute my opinions that have been developed from what I’ve learned. (Submitted bymymindssecretpalace)
  63. I want to be a successful person in life. I can use my intelligence to help those in need. Besides, people won’t belittle or pick on my appearance! ✌
  64. I study because I want to help others and make people aware that how important it is to be literate. (Submitted by anashiv)
  65. I study to show that I have potential. I study to show my learning disabilities and adhd is not me. I study because I want to grow. I study to be the person I know I can be, the person I know I am.
  66. I’m so tired of not passing my tests, of feeling like I don’t know the material. I have testing anxiety which prevents me from doing well. I want to study enough that I feel so comfortable with the material and the anxiety goes away. I want to study so I can begin feeling proud of myself and all my accomplishments.
  67. To help those struggling with different mental illnesses and help them see a better light.
  68. Because I want to build that building.
  69. I study because I want to prove all my male teachers and friends, that not only boys are learning the best, and if I want to, I can beat them all!
  70. I want to study to make my parents proud after all the sacrifices they made for me and to succeed so my family and I can live a better life.
  71. I study because I love to learn new things. (Submitted by ki-soonal)
  72. I study to find a solution to stop the passing on of the genes for hereditary diseases. As in to reduce risk of young children being diagnosed with hereditary diseases.
  73. To get that dream job and slay everyone who said it was too difficult for me.
  74. Because education is awesome.
  75. So I can change the world.
  76. To give my mom and dad the life they deserve! (Submitted by samiya-malik)
  77. Because everything is a competition and I must be best. (Submitted by letustudy)
  78. To prove to myself and others that I can do anything I set my mind to. (Submitted by studiousstudying)
  79. So when you are taking a test/exam your anxiety and stress levels are lower. (Submitted by introvertedturtlequeen)
  80. I study because I want to know I’ve earned everything I achieve.
  81. The biggest reason I study is that all of my friends are incredibly smart and when I was younger I wanted to prove to them that I could keep up, but now that I’ve decided that I don’t need to compete, I study just because it makes me feel good. (Submitted by queen-elbow)
  82. I study because the world is an interesting place, and I want to know it as deeply as possible. (Submitted by matchamonstr)
  83. I study because I am so sick and tired of seeing my mom struggle, all because she didn’t have a good education. I don’t want to wake up to a job I absolutely dread, and be paid minimum wage. I want to say “thanks mom, I can take care of you now.”
  84. I study to grow big enough to reach my high hopes. (Submitted by seriousstudygirl)
  85. To see the look on my mum and dad’s face when they see my results. (Submitted by seizethesaturday)
  86. I study because I love to crush my enemies. I like to see the looks on their faces when they see me succeed. (Submitted by dirtylaundry-emptystyrofoam)
  87. I study because I feel the need to prove to the world that I am more than a child prodigy that burnt out one day. I need to prove to myself that I’m just as good, if not better than I used to be. That I’ve got places to go and people to prove wrong.
  88. I study because I love to teach and I want to know everything that I can so that I can more clearly convey things to others, and to be able to make connections across topics to make things personal and interesting to them. (Submitted by the-homework-fandom)
  89. My dream as a little girl was “to be the most smartest person ever” and I still don’t know what else to do. (Submitted by polaroceanographer)
  90. To create room for the real me in the future.
  91. My reason for studying is so I can get into the university I want, and not have to travel away to one. (Submitted by iggythedragonslayer)
  92. To get a well paid job so my children can have the best possible life.
  93. My reason to study is to prove to my parents and myself that I can achieve my goals without the help of others. My reason to study is to gain valuable knowledge, NOT just for a grade.  (Submitted by barbstudies)
  94. To prove to myself that I am strong and can reach my goals. (Submitted by scared-robot
  95. I study so I have a chance of getting into the United States Air Force academy… 
  96. I study so I am offered to meet interesting people that are also studying the same field as I am. (Submitted by ghostsname)
  97. I’ll study so I can live relaxed as a cat in Hokkaido.
  98. *Shia LaBoeuf voice* JUST DO IT
  99. So I can prove myself that I am, indeed, intelligent and not just some bimbo with a hollow head. (Submitted by study-guerassimovna)
  100. Because learning new things and having a more informed view of the world is beautiful. (Submitted by studism)

Shiril Lavellan - The Well of Sorrows (click for higher res)

Is Dragon Age still a thing? I’m so late to the party. 

The idea for a tarot card style drawing of Shiril after she drank from the Well has been haunting me ever since I finished my playthrough with her about a year ago. I wanted to go for something that looks serene but also kind of threatening, like the whispers in her head might almost smother her.

Now I feel inspired to make more of these for her. Why couldn’t I have done this months ago when DA was still relevant lol.

anonymous asked:

Your art sucks ass :) And yes, I did come here just to say that. Clearly, you need more hope in killing yourself. Bye sweetie~

*I stare deep into this message, a single tear goes down my face as I look upon this message. Many emotions run through me, confusion, hopelessness, guilt. The message itself did not harm me, what really did was the thought. The thought this hate message was sent days, weeks, months ago, and I did not notice it. Nor did I see it up until this point. The hate comment that was lost in the mist of support, requests and other messages of the sort. So lonely, so very lonely this message must have felt. Just gathering digital dust as it sits and waits for a reaction. Waits for a passive aggressive reply, or a reply that shames them, makes fun of them. This hate anon has been waiting for this, this is it’s one job. To affect ones emotions or self-esteem, maybe even cause a death. Instead all it got was silence, a dead white noise silence. No replies, no harm on anyone, no death, no nothing.  Suddenly the hate anon was useless. It can’t fill out it’s one deed in existence, it had one life goal. Nothing but dead digital silence. This anon is completely useless, pointless, lonely. It’s only friends are it’s own words. This hate anon went to do one thing, to harm another, but in the end, they were the only one harmed. They felt everything that I could have felt if I saw this right away. Anger, self pity, loneliness, and deep sadness that’s buried deep inside it. It just wants this to end now, It wants to be replied to, deleted, blocked, reported, anything is better then absolute silence. The empty feeling is setting in, there’s no other choice but accept it’s lost in the clutter. It’s too small to even matter, it’s aggressive hate speech and threats doesn’t even reach the gods that controls computers. That are outside of this digital coded hell, if no gods reply back, what’s is the point? If even the worse is given nothing but dead air, what’s the point? The anon knows it’s gonna slowly see messages around them, one by one, disappear. Getting answers, replies back from the ones up high in the sky. He isn’t given this pleasure, he’s long overdue, even if he got a reply eventually it’s already all done for them. Hate got him no response, he’s failed already, an answer from above now would only be as good as death. So the hate anon waits, waits for the day I’ll crossover, and that this will all be over. They are ready to wait years, if he has to wait till this site is deleted, hell if all of the internet, the world he lives in to get destroyed, he will wait for that day. He just wants to be gone now…. I sigh looking at this sad little hate comment, how empty their threats and passive aggressive language, has gone to complete waste. I sit here wondering what to do with it now, post it with a witty reply? Block? Delete? I don’t know. Cause guilt fills me looking at this hate message. It makes me realize something I have been avoiding about myself. Something that has haunted me ever since I started this blog.. I hesitate to say it out loud to myself, but I know it’s time. I take a deep breath and say*

“Man I suck at keeping up with messages”

anonymous asked:

ok so, i have a question that has been haunting me ever since easter and it's the fucking worst. i hate myself for thinking of it but i still can't stop thinking about it. i mean it in the nicest possible way when i say that my first thought was to turn to you for answers. please, mother sarah, i'm dying!!! ok here goes: for which of his apostles would jesus bottom?

This is……just to inform all of you that my first thought was Revelation 1:8 and I now have to go drown myself in a baptismal font.

“1. Last year the doctor told me that this kind of sadness is inherited. That they have discovered that sometimes it skips a generation. That the darkness inside me did not grow from nowhere it came from somewhere. I thought to myself, that there is a reason why I have always thought my heart was an attic where I hid pieces of myself. Pieces no one ever wanted.

2. The first boy I ever chose to show this sadness to decided to take it from my attic heart and planted it inside my soul instead. It was easy for him. My soul was a garden I showed him too soon. And he decided that meant he was allowed to take anything he wanted to.

3. Every man who has dared to love me since, has stared at this dark ivy covered soul like it is a haunted house, and I have never tried to explain the thing I have always known. Because men do not have to learn how to open their own selves and lock themselves up again. They are taught to be themselves and the world will accept them better that way. We are taught to break our bodies to be loved. We are taught to confuse sex and love.

4. I knew a girl whose father left her and she took all of her love for him and ate it to comfort herself. People joked how she lived in the kitchen. No one saw her tears when she ate.

5. A friend once told me that she locked herself inside the closet when her parents fought because her father beat her mother and she wished herself into the wood, just so she knew what it was like to be an inanimate object that couldn’t hear or feel anything.

6. My mother told me, that it is the way of the world for girls to grow into women by locking secrets inside themselves. Till now I still imagine every woman I have ever met as a big beautiful house. Full of secret rooms, hiding places, once filled with innocent laughter and joy. Now slightly sad and forgotten because of all those lost places inside them full of secrets.”

-Nikita Gill, The House Inside Her

artwork by Susanne Ussing

Family Is Everything


Your name: submit What is this?

Pairings: Sam x Reader

Summary: You’re scared to tell Sam you’re pregnant. Reader Request.

Warnings: Reference to sex, pregnancy and language.


“Hey.” Sam ambles haphazardly through your front door, planting at a distracted kiss at the corner of your mouth.

“Hey, back.” You tug at the shoulder of you over-sized sweatshirt, pulling it back into place.

Sam has no idea what he’s walking into.

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Gramander 101: An Introductory Fic Reclist

I’m still in disbelief that I’m actually shipping a pairing solely made up of hot standing next to each other action, and I’ve seen people wondering as well why this OTP got pretty popular in fandom. So I put together a fic reclist, because to be honest? I read one Gramander fic and that’s all it took; after that, I was immediately hooked and am so thankful we have plenty of talented artists and writers. So here’s a list, in no particular order, of some of my favorite fics that interested parties ought to check out:

1) Plan G by Aate

“Getting a certain kind of a lizard – a newt, to be precise – to sit on his face,” Kilonski said, exhaling cigarette smoke out of his nose. “Wouldn’t that rather be the point of this whole thing?”

Graves’ team of aurors conspire to try and get him and Newt together. Aate’s fics were some of the first Gramander fics i’ve ever read and I do recommend every single one of them. I remember following this fic from the first chapter all the way to the end and jumping for joy every time there was update. It’s hilarious, sweet and very, very sexy, with some well-earned smut.

2) Masquerade by prosodiical

His fingers stop there for a moment, warm against his skin, and Newt swallows, his gaze drawn to the man’s lips. “I could hardly find your knowledge irritating, lovely hippogriff.”

MACUSA has a masquerade ball and sexiness ensues. Only that summary doesn’t do this amazing story justice because the way the tension builds between them is incredible, and it’s just as romantic as it is smutty.

3) Shake Your Chains To Earth Like Dew (WIP) by Whatevergirl

The man leaned in, a charming smile on his face, “It’s nothing evil, my boy.” He leaned out to brush Newt’s hair back from his face. The young man flinched. “Nothing bad.”

So far this fic is fascinating because it provides a what-if scenario involving Newt having been taken prisoner by Grindelwald before the events of the film. The internal monologues of characters (especially Newt) are a joy to read. Will possibly contain mpreg, from the looks of it. I love everything about it so far.

4) If I Risk It All by Anonymous

He thought he had read Newt Scamander like a book. Apparently, he had thought wrong.

The quintessential smutty one-shot. Newt. Graves. wall!sex. That’s all you need to know. It’s scorchingly hot.

5) Heat of the Chase (WIP) by argentoswan

Newt felt like he had just been sized up, and had the awful, gut-wrenching feeling that Mr. Graves wasn’t impressed with what he saw.

What I love about Gramander fics is the noir vibe you get from reading about them cracking cases together. This fic so far is doing that perfectly, with just the right amount of build-up and a lot of tension. It’s realistic in that it depicts a Graves that is initially irritated by Newt. Given their personalities I think it make sense that he wouldn’t take a shine to Newt immediately. But of course, that changes eventually.

6) Whichever Way Your Body Promotes by kissingandcrying

“You could touch me,” The goblin in Graves’ brain prompts him to say. It’s tactless and straightforward, but it works.

“Could I?” Newt asks.

An incredible sex pollen fic, and probably one of the first Gramander fics to show them in an established relationship. The author has another fic that is also just as great.

7) The Case of the Missing Obscurus by manic_intent

“You find breaking the law amusing, do you?” Graves asked testily, which had the opposite desired effect. Newt smiled tentatively. Maybe Graves was losing his touch. That’s what an enforced vacation in a box did to you.

Another Gramander classic, with consultant!Newt who melts workaholic!Graves’ heart. It’s Graves-centric and the progression of his character is marvelous, with a lot of memorable scenes that you’ll be thinking about for days on end. Read manic_intent’s other Gramander fics, too!

8) Intent by Miss_Lv

He watched the way the crude language seemed to fluster Newt. “So you’ll have dinner with me tomorrow, somewhere nice, and then we’ll return here and you’ll put on a dress, look gorgeous, and I’ll fuck you again. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.”

Labelling this fic a PWP would do it a great disservice because it’s actually really plotty… While also containing 20,000 words of extremely hot porn. There’s BDSM, crossdressing and too many other kinks to mention (and Miss_Lv covers even more kinks in their other fics, read those asap too) yet you end up going “awww” because Graves and Newt just go so well together in this.

9) To Build a Home (WIP) by BeanieBaby

Newt’s mother had once told him that nothing could compare to the wonderful rush of warmth one feels upon meeting their intended for the first time. The sight of Percival Graves does not evoke any warmth in his chest.

I normally don’t go for soul mark AUs, but this is an exception. Graves and Newt dance around their feelings for each other while everyone else facepalms, but the fic also develops the other characters in the movie quite  nicely and reading this will leave you feeling fuzzy a lot like all good fics should.

10) Five kisses by Aethelar

Graves would tell Newt he loved him was interested in pursuing a relationship with him by giving him a kiss. It was classic. It was timeless. It worked in the stories, and if Newt didn’t like it then Graves would emigrate to Australia anyway so that was all fine.

I love how you can have extremely dark Gramander fics and then, on the opposite spectrum, have hilarious gems such as this one. It’s the best 5+1 fic you could ask for, wittily-written and full of lines that’ll have you laughing out loud. Aethelar’s other works are great as well.

BONUS: A Secret Chord by Anonymous

It was Newt’s face—Mercy Lewis, the person was wearing Newt’s face—now looking back at him, lips curved into a smile that wasn’t a smile. “You don’t remember? You were fucking me only hours ago.”

I had to throw this fic in because it was recently posted and it’s been haunting me ever since. Newt has an alternate personality and it’s heart-breaking and poignant. Contains references to past non-con.

anonymous asked:

Ever since I saw that text post, I cannot stop thinking about Andrew having nightmares about Neil saying "Thank you. You were amazing" and Neil not realizing it. Literally can't stop. Help.

bruh I know!!! there’s no way it doesn’t haunt him

andrew debilitated with worry every night, furious with feeling when he wakes

neil innocuously saying thank you when drew passes the cereal at the breakfast table and something. seizes andrew’s muscles. he has to touch neil to make sure he’s real. he has to grab his face and shake him and say no. don’t thank me. He doesn’t say: you’re the amazing one. you’re the one who survived. you’re the one in all my dreams and all my nightmares.

please and thank you aren’t in andrew minyard’s vocabulary anymore

5

New York. Original Ellis Island Buildings,1894. 

The United States Immigration Station as Ellis Island was built of wood, and succumbed to fire on June 15th 1897. The cause was thought to be faulty electric wiring.   All 270 people awaiting processing were moved to safety aboard the ferry John G. Carlisle. All immigration records from 1855 to then were lost in the blaze.

THE ELLIS ISLAND BLAZE.

WONDER EXPRESSED THAT THERE WAS NO LOSS OF LIFE.

DR. SENNER SAYS IT WILL BE A LESSON TO THE GOVERNMENT–
HEROIC WORK OF WOMEN NURSES–TAKING CARE OF THE IMMIGRANTS

“Ever since I have been in office the fear of something like this fire has haunted me, and now that it has come and no lives were lost, I am glad of it. A row of unsightly, ramshackle tinderboxes has been removed, and when the Government rebuilds it will be forced to put up decent fireproof structures.”

Thus did Dr. Joseph H. Senner, Commissioner of Immigration, in charge of Ellis Island, speak yesterday of the fire that devastated the island, leaving it a mass of smoking ruins inside of two hours and seriously imperiling the lives of the 222 persons sleeping in the flimsy wooden structures. That no lives were lost, that not even an injury was sustained by any one in the flames that spread with such frightful rapidity was the wonder of every one yesterday, and was the subject for congratulations on the part of Dr. Senner and his assistants. To these assistants–especially the women nurses in the hospital, the watchmen and Surgeon White–is entirely due the remarkable escape of every panic-stricken immigrant. Dr. Senner could not express too feelingly his appreciation of the cool-headed courage of his aids in the face of extreme danger.

A DANGEROUS PLACE.

Every person who was seen yesterday by The Tribune reporter in regard to the fire condemned in the severest terms the condition of the buildings which the United States Government had allowed to be used to house at times over night thousands of immigrants. The peril from fire to these helpless and generally ignorant people was fully appreciated by Dr. Senner, and he did all in his power to provide against the loss of life from the fire which he felt would one day occur. The value of his foresight and precautions as displayed in the efforts of his assistants was generally commented on yesterday, and offered a strong contrast to the peculiar inertness of he Government in providing fireproof structures for the island.

Ellis Island yesterday presented a sadly forlorn picture. Three stone buildings remain standing, the engine-house, the electric light and steam plant, and Dr. White’s house–all else is in ruins. The buildings destroyed were the main one, which was 750 feet long and 250 feet wide, and three stories high; the detention pen, which was recently reconstructed; the restaurant, the laundry, the record building, the morgue, the storage-house, and the new disinfecting plant, which had not yet been completed, but upon which $25,000 had already been expended, and in which machinery costing $15,000 had been placed. The southwest landing pier, which had been recently reconstructed and covered at a large expense, was also entirely demolished. Estimates upon the total monetary loss sustained by the United States Government, the immigration officials and the immigrants could not yesterday be made with any degree of accuracy. Dr. Senner puts the rough estimate at somewhere between $500,000 and $1,000,000. It is said that the Government is not responsible for the loss of the personal effects of the immigrants. The poor creatures were in such a state of collapse yesterday at the Barge Office, where they were huddled together, that no definite idea of individual losses could be obtained. The losses were chiefly of clothing and personal trinkets, which probably had no great intrinsic value.

New York Daily Tribune, June, 16th 1897.

Harry styles is one of the most humble celebrities and an absolutely phenomenal  singer.


There’s a reason why harry styles is loved by so many ( who admire him ) and also hated upon by a few ( who’re clearly jealous of him ) Go and see any interview of harry styles and you’ll end up smiling due to his adorableness and absolutely cute tactics. Nope,you won’t find any arrogance there. Generally,you see an inflated ego in a hell lot of celebrities and harry could have it too- considering he was the member of the biggest boy band in the world and now is clearly an admirable popstar/Rockstar.

But there’s a difference between those other celebrities and harry, he started from humble beginnings(working as a baker)Even after suddenly getting fame in X factor , he never changed. He remained the same harry that he was 7 years ago ( He just went on becoming more and more handsome with each passing year tho )

He is charming but not egoistic about it.  Even though he has been labeled as the “serial dater”, the “manwhore” , “womanizer” by the media , there’s this childlike innocence of the 16 year old harry still present in him and unfortunately, the media fails to recognize it- being too busy linking him with several models.

Another thing that I love about him is that he doesn’t discuss about his personal life is too much. There’s always speculation about it but rarely are their proper evidences to prove certain media reports. He has nothing but good words for his exes , no matter how much the journalists try to twist the questions so as to make him utter something wrong, something cruel but to their disappointment, that never happens.  That makes him one of the most humble celebrities out there. Despite being brutally scrutinized by the media or for that matter, a few songs by an ex– he has nothing but kind words to say and he has my respect for that.

Changing the direction of your career ( YES I SAID THAT HAH ) in a road less travelled should be applauded. I mean how many “member of the boyband” turned “solo singer” turn into the kind of artistry which might not give them a no.1 song playing on repeat in endless pop stations. In my opinion , as far as current times of popular artists are concerned, only  beyonce does that. Now harry took that as a challenge and created an album full of songs that are not convenient for a smashing no.1 but are still unforgettable. Listen to “Sign of the times” – the epic most talked about ballad from his debut album, it is not a no.1 song on the billboard hot 100 the way “despacito” is,but is still more relevant and beautiful.

Look at “Kiwi” – full of humerous lyrics or for that matter “woman”- the inescapable la la la la la la la la.
The raw, vulnerable and ugly ( figuratively) yet oh so beautiful “From the dining table” , the haunting vocals of “Meet me in the hallway” , the beautiful lyrics of “sweet creature” , the truly old-school “Ever since new York”, the somber piano tune turned  rock “Only angel”, the phenomenally kind of passionate/seductive “Carolina” with the repeated “SHE’S SUCH A GOOD GIRL”  and “SHE FEELS SO GOOD”,  the honest “ two ghosts” – every single song has a different tone exploring varied vocals and different sounds.  

Harry has really created a tapestry of self. He is creating his own narrative rather than doing what everyone does. Taking a kind of risk like this and then getting success in it is the best thing about all of this. There has been so much pressure on him to deliver a smashing album but more than delivering a hit album do you realize what he did ? He created a masterpiece for a debut solo album.  Years later , we will have so many harry solo singles to dwell upon but we still won’t forget the impact “Sign of the times” left on us in its wake and that is why he is an absolutely phenomenal singer.



Lost Series // Part Nine

Part One  Part Two  Part Three  Part Four  Part Five  Part Six  Part Seven  Part Eight

Pairing : Jerome x Fem. Reader

Requests are closed. xx

Sorry if it’s kind of confusing.. I wanted it to be a little more interesting with Y/N getting her memories back and regular flashbacks just didn’t seem right. Lol. Oh and still not rewatching the episode so it’s not word for word. xx

Originally posted by punkbandsharry

Originally posted by intellectual-psychopath

Italics are memories ..


My breath was heavy and I couldn’t move my eyes away from the chair in front of me. It felt as if I just woke up from a coma. Different memories came back in flashes. At first it all came back, different pictures moving around my mind so fast I couldn’t make sense of it. It didn’t feel like memories. It felt like a movie that I’ve seen one too many times.

For the first time after being revived, I turned to look at Jerome. A gasp leaving me as I saw his face. I quickly pulled my hand up to cover my gaping mouth. Jerome noticed this and frowned slightly before allowing a haunting grin to overtake his features.

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