it got so ugly but i feel like dead

The signs as song lyrics I've written

Never been in a fight but I want to fight
Fight a bitch at night
The dark is cool
Fuck school
Wanna destroy everything
Including you

Just woke up messy hair
Attitude I don’t care
Should i even get up and start the day
Does it matter if i do shit anyway

Thought, thought, thought,
I thought if I thought a lot
Maybe my thoughts could learn to stop
I feel my brain beginning to rot
They are so fucking loud
All around
Up and down
I’m starting to look like a fucking clown

What am I feeling right now?
I feel like a drifting cloud
Full of storm water
Today rain is all I’ve got to offer
What’s wrong with me?
Changing tides like the sea
I can be a deadly storm
A catastrophe
Or calm and cool, my bottom lurking with things unseen

I love the way you fuck me 
Baby this is how you want me, thirsty 
I beg love me love me 
Love me more than i love you 
At night i feel so ugly

But not you, youre alive not dead
I hear all the voices that go on it your head
They never calm but you find peace in them
Taking their words of wisdom
They sing inside your lovely mind
You hum along, intertwined

I’m sitting in front of the man of my dreams
Love his dick, give me that cream
His face is amazing, it makes me want to sing
His voice is as lovely spring

Sometimes I think I see god
But then I open my eyes and it’s the same shit all around
Breath in the toxins of a cigarette
It’s all I got sometimes, wanna drown out the sound
Talk to a few and that’s fun
But real quick im done

If I could see your soul, I’m sure it’d be a work of art
Like a painting on a canvas, painted by the heart
You know you’re a masterpiece
A genius in disguise
I wish I could see what you see through your eyes

If there’s one last thing
I gotta sing
it’s that there’s no possibly
Just possible I am the unstoppable
Incomparable hear these words and know it’s me
I do not go unseen
(This one’s written by my boyfriend)

I’m so tired everyday
I want life to be so extraordinary that more than half the time I wouldnt know what to feel or say
Wheres my burning passion?
Melancholy, my minds gray.
Why care when you feel useless why give a fuck, this world is strange

You got me and you got me down for you and you only
Baby, look at me, I want you to be the one to own me
Devil or angel, you’re my sweet, lovely baby.
Tell me angel, have you looked in a mirror lately?

@sassygreytea from x

Charles closed the door, but stayed standing next to it, not wanting to sit and get comfortable. He had no idea how Humpty would react to this and was afraid of being near him should it turn bad.

“I think we made a mistake accepting Abel into our relationship. I don’t think he’ll truly be happy so long as he’s with us.” Or him more so. “He interfered with a mission of mine and it got ugly. I had to shoot a child in his arms because he wouldn’t listen. Said child tried to kill both of us. Hell if Abel weren’t immortal then he’d be dead from the blow the kid made! I warned him, I explained it, he didn’t listen and now it feels like he acts as though I don’t exist. He looks right through me, refuses to listen or talk to me.”

Ⱶ   The egg let out a soft but calm sigh. His task finished, soft sounds of falling liquid into porcelain as the tea was served out. He had know this was inevitable. Both of them were people who had taken so many lives.

Ⱶ   “Charles, that isn’t the answer.” He sat down, letting the other do as he pleased in whatever made him comfortable. “Abel knew what we were like, he’s seen us kill. This was something that would have happened eventually. There are things he has to accept and so do we. Just as I was from a different world, so is he. One of kindness and understanding, things that we are not so used to living. I know it will be hard for him to come to terms with, but let him make the decision if he loves us more than his old morals. Don’t be so quick to write him out.”

anonymous asked:

Heya Dean, I'm just curious about how you've been adjusting to not being able to get around like you used to? I'm experiencing something similar myself, and I'm having a hard time not feeling like I'm a dead-weight burden. Even worse, it's really hard for me not to be able to...uh, get into the positions we've always enjoyed. It makes me feel bad not to be able to do that with my partner. Any advice or insights? Thx.

This is the kind of stuff Sam is better at answering. 

But, you seem nice enough, so I’ll give it a shot. 

I hated the first cane I got. It was ugly and plain and just… not something I wanted to haul around with me. I tried to leave it at restaurants but Sam caught onto that too fast. Damn attentive jerk. 

Every time I had to go out and use that cane, I resented the fuck out of it, myself, and the person who made me take it with me–Sam. I snapped at him a few times for reminding me to use it. If he cared so much, why didn’t he walk around with one? 

So, he did.


He took that ugly ass cane and walked with it for a whole day. He bumped into shit. Wobbled. Couldn’t turn corners worth a damn. Couldn’t carry shit in both hands. Dropped crap because he forgot about the cane. 

When he gave it back at the end of the day, he actually, I swear to god, said, “This is harder than it looks. I’m sorry.” 

Did you know that the words, “I’m sorry,” make you want to have hot, tantric sex right then and there? Yeah, I was harder than I looked (ha!). 


It helped that instead of nagging, Sam understood the reasons why I hated the cane. It made me slow. It made me concentrate on shit I never had to worry about before. It made me feel old.

If your partner loves you, they’ll work with you on all this, even if you think it’s a bullshit burden. They–either on their own or at your request–will try to see what you’re going through and help you along. Talk about this shit. Let it out. I feel bad for snapping at Sam when he was trying to help. He wasn’t helping, but he was trying. And when he did help, I didn’t mind the cane so much. 

I bought a better cane at Sam’s suggestion. I actually like it. I don’t get this sense of dread when I look at it anymore. 

Okay, yeah, I can’t spend more than ten minutes on my knees to blow Sam. I can’t fuck him the way in all the ways I used to. But those ten minutes are the best god damn ten minutes ever. And positions I used to like but can’t do? Made me do research for ones I can. Sam even found a workshop at the sex shop on Clark all about sex and disability. 

I feel like I’m getting too after school special here. I told you, Sam’s better at this stuff. 

People around you will make the time and effort to care. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. Good luck.

Thanks for the Q.