it goes horribly

honestly the best part of legion on fx is when david creates rational david in his mind and rational david is british just because and then irrational david tries to do a british accent and it goes horribly and it cracks me up because dan stevens (who plays david come on guys keep up here) is actually british and seeing irrational david be so confused by british accents is just so funny guys watch this show i swear it’s better than this is making it sound

anonymous asked:

First the date adding up to 28 and then he decides to upload all his shit on the 28th. I'm not screaming or anything.

Wtf…………………

anonymous asked:

Slides you two buttons and a piece of lint. How about some Voltron Headcanons? Finger Guns out.

lint and finger guns?? sold

  • lance: “don’t worry guys, I’ll stay behind and protect the princess” allura, visibly eyeing lance’s biceps: “…………….. uh okay”
  • fun party game: guessing how keith got kicked out of the garrison
    • he stole a space craft!! (”okay i only stole parts and i was never caught for that” “wait what”)
    • he called iverson a dirty lying quiznak!! (”i didn’t even know that word back then lance”)
    • he tried to alert the public that the garrison was covering up the kerberos mission!!! (”i didn’t but they were”)
    • to be honest he probably just decked iverson
  • coran designed the space pirate outfits himself
  • *hunk crashes his lion* “well, looks like I’ve hit… rock bottom” 
  • weirdly enough, slav is the ultimate It Could Be Worse guy
    • [something goes right] slav, sweating: “there’s a fifty-two percent chance that this’ll still go horribly wrong in some way”
    • [something goes horribly wrong] slav: “i mean i know we just lost an engine, but on the bright side, at least we’re not in one of the three hundred realities where the cockpit blew up instead”
  • sometimes allura’ll shapeshift herself a mustache so she can stroke it pensively
  • keith: “i hate authority figures” pidge: “you’re an authority figure now" keith: “…shit”
  • [lance’s mission log while stranded alone] “i mean, technically i’m the lowest ranked member of the crew. i would only really be ‘in charge’ if i were the only remaining person… so what do you know?? i’m in charge” 

anonymous asked:

I need more Drarry fanfics (COMPLETED PLEASE) because I've read literally so many I can't find new ones sorry for the trouble

oh hello there my friend, i’m not sure if you’re asking the right person because i do not actually do fic recs? bc i usually forget most of the thing i read lol /cries/ but yeah i’ll list few of my favs by no particular order

Battle Scars by @sappypotter (29k)
Spiders, rats, wrongly-boiled Veritaserum, a couple of dangerous bets and drunk parties – all with all, it was bound to be a hectic eight year at Hogwarts for the golden trio. Trying to ignore the ex-Death Eater Draco Malfoy, however, turned out to be more difficult than ever before. Especially when he seemed to be as obsessed with Harry as Harry was with him.

Welcome to the Broom Closet by incapricious (23k)
Harry thinks he knows how his life will go: Become an Auror. Marry Ginny. Have a family. But then he sees an advertisement in the paper that no one else can see, and his life is turned upside-down. The Broom Closet: you can be anyone you want while you’re there, but you won’t remember it in the morning.

Serpentes by xErised (29k)
It’s a shame that Draco Malfoy looks so good stripping in a club with stolen snakes, because Auror Harry’s got a job to do. 

Date of a Lifetime by @dorthyanndrarry (14k)
Win a DATE with HARRY POTTER!
At this year’s fourth annual New Horizons charity auction
and gala there will be a most rare and unusual item up for bid,
a Date with the hero of the wizarding world, Harry Potter!
Pansy leaned into his arm, “Would you win Potter?’ she asked and before he could answer she held up an ornate card.
Draco’s eyes widened and he reached out for the invitation.
Pansy twitched it back, “Draco,” she said quietly, “I will only give this to you if you win that ridiculous Potter date.” 

Never Feel the Burning Light by @carpemermaidtales (48k)
When it falls to Draco to restore his family name to its former glory the road ahead of him is long, but with Harry Potter’s help and a plan that is just this side of ridiculous he just might succeed at accomplishing his goals and getting what he wants. What neither of them plan on is falling in love along the way. 

The Lip-Lock Jinx by cassisluna (20k)
It’s a jinx that renders the victim mute, unless he/she serves the purpose of the jinx and kisses the person that they desire. It’s just Harry’s luck that he’s in love with Draco. 

Hey, Potter by SunseticMonster (16k)
Harry returns to Hogwarts for his 8th year, determined not to let Malfoy get to him. But when the snarky teasing starts up again, Harry finds that returning the jibes with compliments has a far more interesting outcome.

All Life is Yours to Miss by Saras_Girl (114k) [[podfic]]
Professor Malfoy’s world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

The Moon Looks Lovely Tonight by Omi_Ohmy (35k)
When Harry moves into the damp and empty Black house, it doesn’t quite feel like home. And then the first owl moves in. After that, it’s a steep slope leading to bed-sharing, more owls, assorted housemates, strange potions experiments, and terrible cooking. And a bit of waltzing, too. 

this amazing ficlet by @decanthrope

this cupboard fic by @sappypotter

i’m quite sure there are a lot more amazing fics that i forget? but these are the few that come to my mind. remember to leave kudos and some nice comments to the author! :)

Ok so there’s a thing about Sombra’s Incendio skin that might be obvious for Spanish speakers but not so much for others

So if you put “incendio” through google translate, it tells you it means fire, right? Which makes sense for a skin that looks like this

Which is correct, sure, but not specific enough - the more generic word for fire is “fuego”

Incendio is used for, say, house fires. Or forest fires. As opposed to a bonfire, or a barbeque, which are just fuego until something goes horribly wrong -

You use incendio when the thing that is on fire shouldn’t be on fire, and if you don’t think that’s Sombra as fuck then I don’t know what to tell you.

4

#married

Time for some more rambling. I’m not sure if this is something that’s already been touched on in the fandom, but I was rewatching the The First Avenger recently and I’m pretty sure the train was set up by Hydra to be a trap for Bucky… 

Let’s start by looking at the scene where Steve rescues Bucky from the Hydra munitions factory. When Schmidt sees that Captain America has infiltrated the facility, he sets the building to destruct. Zola sees what Schmidt is doing and he freaks the hell out.

Now, Zola is normally a groveling worm when it comes to Schmidt. He knows better than to stand up to him; but there’s something that tips him over the edge here–if just for a second.  

We already know there are a handful of other munitions factories across Europe (which is part of the reason Schmidt can be so casual about blowing up this one). Wanting to save the weapons might be part of Zola’s reaction here, but that really isn’t reason enough for him to risk Schmidt’s anger (which can be deadly). At this point in time, there’s nothing in the factory they can’t afford to lose. 

Except for Bucky. 

Sergeant Barnes is the first one to show signs he might survive his stint in the isolation ward. He’s the first one to show signs that he might be responding to Zola’s attempts to create his own super soldier. That research is only located in one place, and Schmidt is about to send Zola’s breakthrough up in flames. The moment Zola realizes he can’t stop Schmidt, he makes a break for the lab to try to rescue his notes. Of course there’s no way he can carry Bucky out of there, so he has to make do with what he can get.  

In a painful twist of fate, Steve does Zola a favor by saving Bucky. 

Take a look at this standoff on the scaffold. Here the audience is meant to focus on Steve and Schmidt going head-to-head for the first time; but pay attention to Bucky and Zola. This is their standoff, too. Follow their line of sight. They’re not looking at Steve and/or Schmidt through most of this scene. They’re looking at each other, and you can almost see the realization on Zola’s face that his experiment might just be saved. 

Don’t you dare look at Bucky like that, you asshole. 

Also, can I just point out the look on Bucky’s face when he spots Zola?

If looks could kill. 

Not to mention his face when he sees what Schmidt looks like under the mask. Sure, Bucky’s line asking Steve if he has “one of those” is meant to be a joke for the audience; but I think Bucky’s experience as a character is a lot different from our experience outside the fourth wall. He’s genuinely scared–for Steve, for himself. You can see the trace of tears in his eyes. 

Bucky knows something awful has been done to him at the hands of Hydra, and he doesn’t know if he’s going to lose his humanity, too. 

Jump ahead and Captain America and the Howling Commandos are now laying waste to anything and everything Hydra. Things are looking bad for our villains.

This is an interesting line, because the movie doesn’t exactly tell us what Zola’s mission is. Maybe we’re supposed to think his mission is to make sure the weapons are finished in time to meet Schmidt’s timeline for world domination. Or maybe it’s to kill Captain America. And maybe those things are part of his job, but as Zola himself says, “I merely develop the weapons. I cannot fire them.” His primary job is research and development, not tactical planning and defense. 

Now that Hydra is up against a super soldier, it’s likely that Schmidt is anxious to get his own super soldiers into combat. The easiest and fastest way to complete that research, of course, is to retrieve Sergeant Barnes. (In theory, Zola could use Steve for experimentation if he caught him; but he would have to start the experiment from scratch. Peggy made it clear earlier in the film that it would take them years to find out the formula using Steve’s blood. Chances are good the same would apply to Zola. The work on Bucky is already underway, it’s Zola’s own handy work, and Bucky’s still weak enough to be an easy catch compared to Steve.)

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that, directly after Schmidt gives Zola the ultimatum to “finish his mission,” we cut to the Howling Commandos laying in wait for the train. They’re hoping to catch Zola, whose location has somehow been leaked, and it quickly becomes clear that the scummy doctor hasn’t been caught by surprise. In fact, everything indicates that Zola was the one laying in wait for them. He’s surveilling the entire train from a command center and issuing orders to strategically placed Hydra soldiers.

When Steve and Bucky board the car, Zola deliberately separates them.

Divide and conquer is a tried and true tactic, but look at the difference in the opponents sent after them. Steve is given a huge opponent armed to the back teeth with a Tesseract energy gun. But Bucky? Bucky faces off against one traditionally-armed guard. (EDIT: In a subsequent viewing I noticed he actually faces off against two guards, but the second one is barely seen and is removed from the equation fairly quickly.)

Why wasn’t that guard given an energy weapon too? My guess would be because Zola didn’t want his guinea pig harmed too badly. Bullet wounds can heal, but disintegration is forever. 

It might also be telling that when Steve and Bucky are back in the same compartment together, Zola screams “kill him” not “kill them.” It’s up for debate who Zola meant for the guard to target; but since he was initially sent after Steve, it’s my assumption that’s who Zola meant for him to shoot.    

As we all know, the plan goes horribly awry on both sides and Bucky falls to his seeming death. Zola is captured and, when Colonel Philips tells him that “the last guy you cost us was Captain Roger’s closest friend,” Zola barely acknowledges it with a creeptacular grin. 

He knows. He knows whatever he did to Bucky would keep him alive. And, as it turns out, even as a captive Zola will gain the means to finish his little experiment. 

Fucker. 

Well, Shit. (A Voltron Fanficiton)

You remember when I said I can’t write fanficiton for shit? Well here we go! My best attempt! If you like it please let me know! I’m working on Chapter 2! Takes place after season 2, after finding Shiro (because Shiro will come back I will not accept anything else omg). 

CHAPTER 2 IS NOW HERE: http://violaswimmer.tumblr.com/post/156953215941/well-shit-a-voltron-fanficiton-chapter-2

AND SO IS CHAPTER 3:

http://violaswimmer.tumblr.com/post/157047198811/well-shit-a-voltron-fanfiction-chapter-3

ALSO CHAPTER 4:

http://violaswimmer.tumblr.com/post/157157013206/well-shit-a-voltron-fanfiction-chapter-4

AND CHAPTER 5:

http://violaswimmer.tumblr.com/post/157254073496/well-shit-a-voltron-fanfiction-chapter-5

AND CHAPTER 6:

http://violaswimmer.tumblr.com/post/157296304031/well-shit-a-voltron-fanfiction-chapter-6

AND CHAPTER 7!

http://violaswimmer.tumblr.com/post/157378879001/well-shit-a-voltron-fanfiction-chapter-7

CHAPTER 8:

http://violaswimmer.tumblr.com/post/157547824756/well-shit-a-voltron-fanfiction-chapter-8

CHAPTER 9:

http://violaswimmer.tumblr.com/post/157710839871/well-shit-a-voltron-fanfiction-chapter-9

CHAPTER 10:

http://violaswimmer.tumblr.com/post/157841715481/well-shit-a-voltron-fanficition-chapter-10

ALSO YOU CAN READ THE WHOLE SERIES ON ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10025633

Lance and the Voltron Team go on a mission that goes horribly wrong. Lance is left behind to be interrogated by the mysterious Galra Prince Lotor. The team must rush to get him back at all costs. 


Chapter 1: Well, Great.

Lance awoke to the same face he had been seeing for a while now. That’s the thing about space, it’s hard to tell the time. But this Prince Lotor guy was making it even harder since he didn’t let Lance sleep more than an hour at a time, well he hoped it was an hour.

Team Voltron had been floating across the galaxy and found a distress beacon from a nearby planet. When they landed Allura asked the people what was wrong since they seemed pretty peachy for apparently being under distress. They lead the Voltron team to these large trees, like huge, way bigger than Earth’s trees. They entered a kind of makeshift elevator and when they reached the top they saw the problem.

A huge Galra ship hanging in the sky above them. No movement, nothing firing, just sitting there in the atmosphere above the planet. Obviously the people had panicked, sounded the distress beacon but the ship hadn’t done anything for a full week. The ship was making the people nervous so they left the beacon on hoping someone would come help them.

It was weird. Really weird. So of course they had to check it out. Team Voltron. Wooh. Anyway so eventually they went back to the castle. Allura and Coran did every scan they thought of and well they found no signs of life. Also weird. But they couldn’t destroy the ship, not from the castle. The shields were still up and they had to be disabled. So someone, namely Pidge had to get on the ship, disable the shield and get out so the castle could blast it out of the sky. Simple.

First of all Lance was the only one to think that maybe this wasn’t a great idea. Everyone else was convinced the scans worked, that no one was on the ship. Of course they went in still on alert but you know, things never go well for the paladin in blue. So Pidge was escorted by Lance and Keith while Hunk and Shiro waited with the castle just in case.

They entered the ship no problem. Not a big deal. Even got to the control panel without a hitch. But as soon as Pidge so much as touched the console things went to shit, real quick. When Pidge touched the console it set off some sort of alarm, out of nowhere Lance heard guards gathering outside the control room door. He and Keith readied their bayards then the comms went nuts. Shiro, Hunk and the castle had been surrounded by a Galra fleet. There was no escape. It had been a trap.

So Lance made a decision and a dangerous one. Without thinking he grabbed Keith and Pidge by the back of their uniforms and threw them over the edge of the control board, down a long drop where a vent lead to the outside of the ship. Pidge made a surprise squeak with Keith yelling Lance’s name. Lance turned and began to fire on the Galra soldiers. He knew what he had to do.

“I’m gonna blow the ship. Get as far away as you can, wormhole out if you have to!” He shouted over the comms.

There was muffled sounds of protest from Shiro and Hunk before the comms went dead completely. Great now they couldn’t communicate. The guards were piling through the door like mice escaping a hole. He had to hope that by now Pidge and Keith had made it far enough away, he couldn’t hold them any longer. So he turned his back, taking what cover he could from the tons of fire. He aimed at the crystal in front of him. He needed to break it. So he looked where he could fire. Where the crystal attached, he’s sure he can hit it. He aims, a shot from one of the guards hits him in the shoulder. Doesn’t matter. He breathes and fires. The shot hit sure and true and the crystal began to crack, sparks coming from it. Lance jumped into the cavern, going down the shaft to the vent. The crystal explodes.


Lance can’t hear anything, the explosion must have blown an ear drum. His back feels hot, spinning out of control into open air, jet pack not functioning. Great. Blue isn’t near enough to get to him. He had no idea how the castle was if everyone was okay. But the g-forces were causing his head to spin and he began to lose consciousness. His last thought was, I hope everyone gets out okay. Lance’s vision goes black as he continues to tumble towards the planet’s surface.


Everyone sees it, they hear it too. Keith and Pidge managed to get back to the castle in one piece right before the whole ship goes up. The explosion would have been spectacular if it wasn’t so frightening. Hunk and Shiro stopped fight just of a moment in sheer horror as the whole ship explodes. Lance was on that ship.

But the explosion works. The fleet takes damage, the explosion bigger than usual since they were fighting in the atmosphere rather than space. It takes out several ships. They have a chance to escape.

But everyone is frozen. Until they see it. A tiny figure tail spinning out of control in a blue and white suit.

“Lance!” Shiro shouts, trying to get to him before he hits the surface. But enemies were replacing the destroyed ones and he couldn’t get there in time.

Suddenly the ship that had hung back for the entire battle did something none of them expected. It sent out a beam of purple light and shined it on Lance’s out of control form. Lance’s body went limp, still and then slowly began to drag him toward the Galra ship.

Keith yelled, “They’re taking him!”

“We have to get him!” Pidge insisted. She hated the way he was limp, was he unconscious or worse?

They rushed to go get their lions. But Allura’s voice stopped them.

“YOU CANNOT!” She shouted.

Everyone paused even Shiro and Hunk who were still fighting outside the castle but they heard it over the comms. They had never heard Allura scream like that.

“We must wormhole out, we cannot win this fight.” She said this time barely a whisper.

There was a stunned silence before Keith of all people shouted.

“That’s LANCE out there! He just risked his life to give us a chance! We can’t abandon him!” Keith said, outraged.

Allura took in a breath.

“That is exactly why we need to go. Now. Lance bought us time. We can’t waste it.” She turned to them, tears in her eyes. Keith’s rage quickly melted.

“We will come back for him. We will find him and bring him home. However we need to be alive to do that. I’m certain we would not survive an assault on that ship. We must leave. Now.” Allura said tears streaking down her cheeks.

She wiped them the best she could and went to the comms telling Hunk and Shiro to come back. They were going to wormhole out. Reluctantly they came back, looking pale and worried. The ship made the wormhole, leaving the Galra and Lance behind.


Lance’s head felt heavy. His back felt worse, dry and stinging. He was being suspended against a wall. Arms, legs and torso bound by heavy thick clamps on the walls. Everything hurt. He slowly raised his head, moving it seemed to make it worse but he needed to see where he was. He knew he wasn’t in the castle but where exactly was he?

He blinked his eyes. Realizing quickly that one was having trouble seeing, which is a great thing to add to his ever growing list of problems. The room was dark with metal floors, walls and ceiling. Purple lights lined the walls in a linear pattern. He recognized that purple anywhere. He was on a Galra ship. Great.

He spent time looking over his injuries. He took a shot to the shoulder, he remembered that. But the rest must have been from the explosion or the free fall. His back was burnt, realizing the sensation. His left eye couldn’t see very well, vision was dark and tinted red. He could feel a cut over his eyebrow pulsing and swollen. His jaw felt fat and burned. The clamps were holding him to the wall a bit too tight and it seemed hard to draw a good breath. What a mess.

Soon the door flew open, showering the room in purple light. A tall man stepped in, long white hair and purple skin. Yellow almost glowing eyes looked at Lance with an interest that made his skin crawl. He was wearing armor, fancy armor. This guy was definitely in charge. Lance smirked, confidence couldn’t fail him now.

“Who are you? Zarkon’s replacement?” Lance asked, smug

The man took a moment and smiled.

“Yes, something like that.” He confirmed.

Lance was a little stunned, he honestly hadn’t expected him to answer.

“What, really?!” Lance asked, shocked.

The man smiled.

“My name is Prince Lotor, I am Zarkon’s son.” He took a step forward, examining Lance a little closer.

Once satisfied with being a creep he backed off.

”I must inform you that your fellow paladins have abandoned you.” Lotor said.

Lance breathed a small breath of relief. So they did get out. Good. That’s good, Lance thought although he couldn’t help the lump forming in his throat.

“Oh don’t worry, they’ll be back.” Lance said confidently.

Well he hoped anyway. Lotor paused and smile kept on his face.

“If that’s the case, how about we get started?”

Lance swallowed the lump was getting bigger. Two guards from the hallway came through the door.

“Bring it big ears.” Lance smirked.

Lotor’s face didn’t change, not even a twitch of anger. Now that Lance could see him up close, for a Galra he was pretty handsome. Nice hair. Although he seemed not all Galra. Lance wasn’t sure how he knew that but something about him read a little more of something else.

Lotor took a step closer, the guards following him closely as a flood of more people came into the room. Druids, that’s what their called. Cloaked with masks but the creepy witch lady wasn’t there which was a relief. But they shuffled in with metal floating boxes and began to take out what Lance had to guess was torture devices which wasn’t so great.

Lotor began to talk.

“You are the blue paladin of Voltron, riding the blue lion which also is a leg of Voltron. You were injured due to the explosion on the false ship over the planet of Neva. You escaped through a vent but the explosion was rather close to you. You were sent into the atmosphere were the gravity forced you unconscious. Our ship rescued you before you hit the planet. Once on board we treated some of your wounds so you did not die. But we left the majority that were not life threatening. Once you were brought aboard our ship the rest of the paladins used the explosion to escape us via wormhole.” Lotor smiled.

“This is the information we know. You see Zarkon was not one to share information with others. He unfortunately did not leave me any information about Voltron or its paladins. So I must gather the information myself.” He paused as a druid handed him something small and metallic.

The lump in Lance’s throat was growing bigger. He wanted to go home. He was scared. Terrified. But somewhere in the back of his mind which was flooded with terror rose something else. He remembered he protected the team. They were fine and were going to live for another day. Something in Lance clicked in place like a gear in his body was replaced with something stronger.

It didn’t matter. What happened to him didn’t matter. He must do everything he can to keep everyone safe. His emotions became steel and the breath that had been coming too quickly slowed. The fear was still there but that was natural the rest was made of unmoving steel.

Lance looked at Lotor his eyes narrowing and smirk plastered all over his face. He was not afraid.

“Why don’t you just get started then? Quit the chatter.” Lance snarled.

Lotor paused and blinked momentarily surprised. But then his smile grew across his face.

“Oh. I will have fun breaking you.”

So quick. Lance didn’t even register as Lotor took the small metal object and shoved it through Lance’s hand. Lance screamed.

gaynihilsm  asked:

hey! I love pining too.. but more so from Draco's side, I love Draco head over heels not being able to contain himself just seeing Harry. Also I need a happy-ending. Any good fics in mind?

Hey! Yes I do! Pining!Draco is another of my faves. (Here’s the Pining!Harry companion list in case anyone has missed out on that one.) @jaloesie

Drarry + pining!Draco fic recs

And Back Again (Where You Belong) by eidheann (15k)
He thought back on their previous handshakes, and smiled faintly at the fact they always seemed to mean so much more to him than they did to Potter.
(This is so wonderfully angsty, the pining is just lovely, it really hurt me. Poor Draco gets his heart broken, and mine breaks along with his. So good.)

The Light More Beautiful by firethesound (81k)
Thirteen years after Draco accepts Potter’s help escaping the horror of his sixth year, he returns to England where he makes the unfortunate discovery that Potter is still as obnoxious as ever. And worse, more than a decade overseas hasn’t been enough to dim Draco’s obsession with him.
(Oh wow, the pining in this one! Draco’s been in love with Harry for SO many years and he just can’t stop. It hurts so good. Amazing, amazing fic.)

On A Clear Day by Sara’s Girl (41k)
Draco Malfoy is waiting for his real life to begin, and it appears that he’s not the only one. Coffee, charity, and the wisdom of the elderly.
(This is suuch a lovely fic! Draco starts to visit hermit!Harry and falls hopelessly in love with him, the pining is exquisite, and the writing is just excellent.)

Whoo Knew? by oceaxe (18k)
Despite having had a crush on his Auror partner for years, Draco’s been biding his time and waiting for the perfect opportunity to make his case. But when Harry subscribes to a new wizarding personals service, Draco gets a wake-up call. With new each message that arrives for Harry from a hopeful suitor, it becomes more and more clear that the time to act has arrived.
(AAGH this is such great pining, Draco is hurtinggg and Harry has no idea. At the same time, this fic is also has a bunch of really funny moments. Love it!)

Stories in E Minor by huldrejenta (8.7k)
Draco has found his place in the Muggle world. He’s got his music, he’s got his neighbours and he is content. Until a certain someone from the past enters his life again.
(Beautiful writing! I love jazz musician!Draco and he’s pining so hard over Harry, it hurts. He never expects to get more than one night with him..)

All Life is Yours to Miss by Sara’s Girl (114k)
Professor Malfoy’s world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.
(I love this fic, Draco’s journey and development in it is the kind of thing I live for. He falls so hard for Harry, but is convinced Harry will hate him.)

Chaos Theory by Brief_and_Dreamy (43k)
When an ancient spell book is discovered in an abandoned vault, Harry–a Curse-Breaker–and Draco–an Unspeakable–are called in to examine it. Draco does everything in his power to resist Potter’s advances, despite his growing crush. Potter just wants sex, he assumes, and Draco doesn’t want to be used. He discovers, however, that some things aren’t within our power to control.
(I feel so protective over Draco in this fic, “soft vines of longing curled around his heart”, first pain, then pining pining pining, and then SWEETNESS.)

Weeds or Wildflowers by lumosed_quill (17k)
A perfect match, a romance for the ages, with a one hundred percent success rate! Magic Match claims they can give Draco all of this. So why do they keep sending him on dates with Harry Potter?
(This fic is absolutely hilarious. I love the writing, Draco is so outraged while he’s secretly pining so hard. Exactly the kind of fic I love to read.)

4

I’m a horrible person, I know, but a friend of mine and yours truly have decreed John Silver is the male, curly and bitchier version of Scarlett O'Hara.

7

Local lesbian attempts to find good lighting and angle to show off her, hand-me-down-from-her-6-feet-tall-cousin, pants. Fails.

anonymous asked:

could you do teacher(s) Drarry please?

YESSSS. I LOVE TEACHER!DRARRY

All Life is Yours to Miss by Sara’s Girl (114k)
Professor Malfoy’s world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.
(This fic OWNS ME. It’s so dear to me, one of the few that truly resonates with me on a personal level. I love following Draco’s journey in this.)

Professor Potter and His Magical Menagerie by dracogotgame (7.5k)
Harry Potter descends on Hogwarts with a horde of magical beasts. Professor Malfoy is not amused.
(I love the writing style in this, it is all kinds of hilarious. So much brilliance crammed into this short lil’ fic, obliviousness, awkward flirting, yesssss.)

Only For The Lucky by SunseticMonster (73k)
Things seem to be going well for Draco Malfoy after the war. He’s working as a professor at Hogwarts and makes the papers all the time for his charitable contribution to Muggle causes.But when Malfoy is rushed into St Mungos hospital for a psychotic break, Healer Harry Potter realizes that Malfoy’s success is not all what it seems and sometimes luck can have more than one meaning.
(One of my big faves, I love the characterization of Draco in it. It’s so angsty and hilarious and all around excellent. I have so many favorite scenes.)

Draco’s Delicious Dilemma by darkmagicalgirl (5k)
Draco Malfoy bravely deals with new coffee shops, Harry Potter, low-sympathy coworkers, feelings, free muffins, Looks, and some extremely rude signage.
(I am still laughing over this one, it is a real treat. Sassy shop signs, Harry is a cinnamon roll, they give each other Looks. You won’t want to miss this one.)

The Critiquer by dysonrules (24k)
When Harry submits his cock photo to a renowned Cock Critiquer and gets a terrible review, he decides to take a photography class to hopefully improve his skills.
(A classic. I love this fic so much, it is cracktastic and really well-written. Great characterizations. Teacher!fic because Draco teaches a photography class!) 

More Than That by joosetta (10k)
This is a story about two 52 year old men who refuse to age gracefully.
(Meaning they are total dorks, lmao. There’s a softness to them in this, it begins all casual but then before they know it, they’re in love. Siigh.)

Lessons in Humility by playout (86k)
After the dissolution of his marriage and a good bit of soul-searching, Harry returns to Hogwarts as the new Defense teacher. Go figure, it happens to be the same year Draco takes over the role of Potions Master. Neither man is happy about this turn of events. Will they be able to set aside their differences and learn a thing or two about trust and humility on the way? (Spoiler Alert: Yes. Very much so.)
(ALL THE SWEET AMAZING FLUFF AND DOMESTICITY. I could honestly cry with all the feels this fic gives me. So lovely, so funny, so so good.)

Newts by astolat (13k)
“I’m twenty-eight!” Harry said. “I’ve been an Auror for ten years! You want me to go back to Hogwarts now?“
(Only Drarry can go from trying to constantly one-up each other to shagging each other senseless at every opportunity like this. LOVE IT.)

Bonus:

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Draco by floweringjudas (20k)
Harry and Draco are straight Aurors. Then they’re gay teachers. It makes sense in context.
(I’ll admit I haven’t actually read this one yet, but a friend of mine is BEGGING me to add it to this list because it made her laugh so much. So there!)

You want Langst, I’ll give you Langst!

So imagine Keith as the leader, ordering the paladdins to go on some mission to steal some quintessence from a Galra ship. The strategy is ill-advised by Lance, but his warning is overlooked. The mission goes horribly wrong and Lance is ambushed by a bunch of Galra, and exposed to a ton of Haggarium (which, if you’ve seen Voltron Force was basically corrupted quintessence) The paladdins are forced to retreat, and in this scenario, they only arrived with one lion, and it isn’t blue. So by the time, he’s finally captured by the Galra soldiers,  his body has been soaking in the stuff for literal hours. As such, he’s basically a walking corpse, with every single cell rapidly  decaying. Haggar thinks he’s useless to them and advocates just killing him off, but Lotor isn’t one to throw away potential, however inefficient it may seem.

So Lotor, being the sicko that he is, submits our lovable Cuban comic relief to a series of torturous surgeries where Lance has basically his skin, and internal organs replaced with those harvested from a wide variety of Galra prisoners. He’s basically a walking amalgamation of grafted alien parts. His skin, that he put so much effort into preventing acne from forming on, is no longer his own. And here’s the real kicker: because the quintessence powering his life force has been corrupted, his body is still rapidly degenerating. This means that while the Galra can stuff him full of all kinds of drug concoctions to slow down the infection, they can’t stop it. So he has to undergo the grafting surgeries over and over again on a regular basis. And since the prisoners are a limited resource, Lance is  eventually forced to go to other planets to kill the aliens who’s bodies he’ll be using in future transplants.

Now imagine Lance  covering up his body and wear a mask at all times-but if he ever fails a mission, Lotor calls together all the soldiers on his ship, and forces Lance to strip naked in front of all of them, showing off his disgusting body as it rapidly withers before their very eyes. Every cringe, every accusation that the soldiers have done nothing to deserve the sight of him, and every time a soldier vomits, feels like a whiplash across his chest, no matter how many times he’s been showcased. Lotor always takes him aside and warmly embraces him afterwards. Lance can’t himself from sobbing into his chest.

“Don’t worry, Lance“ the Galra prince whispers

“Even if the whole universe thinks you’re an atrocity, I will always except your deformed figure as it is.“

Imagine Lotor coming to visit him after every surgery, when he’s most vulnerable both physically and mentally. Imagine Lotor reminding him how it’s Keith’s fault that he’s trapped in this grotesque body. “I wonder what else he’s ruined for you“ He muses demurely, as he touches one of the bandages. Lance thinks back to his time at the garrision, where he was constantly reminded that he got Keith’s sloppy seconds. He thinks of how Shiro, his idol trusted Keith more with the power of leading Voltron than himself. He thinks of Allura, the most beautiful woman in the universe, snuggling up with Keith in the red lion Suddenly, he can see them, plain as day. At this point, he’s not sure if it’s all in his head or not. But they’re kissing. And it makes his heart…or whatever alien apendage is currently in his chest cavity pumping his blood feel like withering. And it shouldn’t be feeling like that. Not right after it got a new transplant. When he finally gets over the waves of nausea, he realizes that they’re talking. When he strains his ears, they’re laughing. And then he whimpers. Because they’re laughing at him

“Can you believe that that pathetic excuse for a Paladdin, ever thought I would love him“ Chortles Allura

“Especially when someone like me is around?“ Adds Keith, who is bent over from laughing so hard.

“I didn’t even want him when the most disgusting part of his body was his ears!“ Gasps Allura as  she struggles to catch her breath after cackling so much.

“Can you imagine his audacity if he showed up looking like Frankenstein’s monster, trying to flirt with you?“ Guffaws Keith?

“Oh that’s just cold“ comments Lotor, who Lance didn’t even realize was next to him until now.

“Imagine him going “girl you’ve already activated my particle barrier’ in that gargled voice of his, as he tries to keep his arms from falling off!“ Laughs Pidge who, along with Hunk suddenly materialized out of nowhere.

“SHUT UP SHUT UP!“ Shrieks Lance as he rushes at them-only to appear in the hospital again, alone. He grits his teeth. It’s their fault that he’s like this. It’s their fault that he was forced to become this sickening artifucial hybrid on a mission he never even wanted to go on. It’s their fault he’ll never be able to look his family in the eye, again. He vows never to rest until he has his revenge. Let’s see how much they’re laughing when their organs are transplanted into his own body. Let’s see how funny it is, when they’re forced to become a part of the second-class cargo pilot who could store the amount of information in his brain in a paper airplane.

OBS&BH/Rivals Update

The first chapter of ‘Of Bright Stars and Burning Hearts’ aka the companion fic to ‘Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches’ and Part 2 of the Rivals series will be posted tomorrow at somewhere between 1pm and 2pm GMT time (unless something goes horribly wrong but let’s hope that doesn’t happen!) There will be a post on tumblr as soon as the chapter is up. See you guys tomorrow!  Rey/Kaz xxx

Witch au in the fahc universe

Edit because I should have put this stuff in the post and not the tag:   storm/weather witch Michael who creates lightning to strike people down or a tornado to wreck the streets behind them to help lose the cops

Animal witch Ryan who lets loose animals in the zoo and convinces them to tear apart someone once he’s done with them, it’s an easy way to dispose bodies

Jack who uses her magic to heal them just enough until they can get to Caleb. She’s a white witch and her magic is suppose to be used for good and it is. It helps Geoff when he’s stressed over a heist and Ryan when he can’t sleep. It help Michael control his magic when he’s pissed and keeps Gavin from fainting when he has to use his magic. It helps Jeremy keep from getting too anxious about a job especially in the beginning and herself when things get to much and she needs to keep herself sane and calm. It helps them all from going mad when someone gets captured. 

time/fire witch Geoff who turns back time when something goes horribly horribly wrong and one of them dies and lights shit up when need be

Necromancy  Jeremy who gets ghost to help distract people and bring people just long enough when he’s not finished with them. Jeremy can only bring somebody back for so long before it drains him and they aren’t fully back to themselves they’re, well, a zombie which is why Geoff has to turn back time instead of Jeremy just bringing them back. 

Blood witch Gavin who hates his magic and only uses it when he has to

Garden witch Mica who makes vines grow from the ground to tie people up

Space witch Trevor who creates black holes and stars just hot enough to burn a person when Geoff isn’t around to do it

Eclectic Witch Lindsay who is basically the crew Jack of all trades 

Creation witch Matt who makes new weapons and vehicles for the crew

and divination witch steffie who they all go to before a job to see how it goes

Another edit because something was pointed out by @whatdoyewant :  ryan using mangy cats and dogs, wild forgotten things that prowl the alleys and scrap for scraps. who are starved and half crazed and more wild than any zoo animal. zoos are precious conservation programs with rare species that are well taken care of, and he wouldn’t touch them. He’d summon the cats left behind, the dogs who ran from fighting rings and abuse, the rats that fill every crack of every dilapidated apartment and every sewer.

Thank you very very much!