It was never easy watching her go, no matter how many times it happened. I have done so for almost four times already. I know its toxic…I know I am taken for granted. Sometimes I wonder thing that I shouldn’t. I tried to pursue another relationship…I couldn’t…because I loved both with all my heart. Yet, it wasn’t fair for any of us at all.
There I saw her, afraid and ending things with me once again, shattering pieces of my heart for the millionth time. Her eyes were chocolates I was addicted to, hair dark as midnight that leaves me awake. Skin kissed by the sun, all though she bleaches it as much as she can.
Oh, I love her more than anything. But this love is taking its toll on me…we said goodbye too many times before. I almost want her to say something when I give up…she doesn’t.
I feel chained…
I only live because they want me to, because it makes them happy and relieved. I wanted too much. And now I see her try to stay by my side, me numbly staring into nothing. The one I once worshipped now is starting to be the one at my feet.
It scares me.
Then, I made a vow within my gown that love will come someday…Till I took my life at midnight.
With poison we come, with poison we leave…that is the rule of wonderland, the world were I will achieve all I desire.