enough for me / sirius black
requested by anon. i hope i did it justice, love. x
word count// 1,850
It was a rare occasion for you to receive mail whilst attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You grew up in a household with two parents who happened to be muggles without a drop of magic within them. To say they were appalled when your letter of acceptance came in the post was an understatement, even though strange events occurred around you since your birth. Your mother and father tried to cope with your abnormal gift of magic, putting in every ounce of effort to learn about the world that would remain a part of their daughter forever, but you could see what they truly thought of you. Once your seventeenth birthday came around, their feelings towards the wizarding world bubbled out onto the surface.
A cream colored envelope lay on the table before you, the handwriting easily being recognized as your mothers. You could feel two sets of eyes studying your face and out of the corner of your own eyes, you could see that it was Lily and Remus who were watching you carefully. They were the only two people who knew of your rocky relationship with your parents, although you were positive Sirius Black had an inkling of an idea as well.
Your hands shook as you picked up the envelope and fear trickled in your body at what was written on the parchment concealed from your eyes. You felt Lily grasp your left hand and squeezed it reassuringly whilst Remus rubbed your back, tracing shapes and patterns against the uniform you wore. The remaining three marauders sensed the change in atmosphere and broke out of their crazed laughter, settling their attention on your painstakingly pale complexion and shaking hand.
“You really must never get letters, huh, Y/N?” Sirius teased, an infuriating smirk lacing his lips.
“And you do, Black?” You retorted with an eye roll before ripping open the envelope.
“I get letters all the time. I’m a desirable guy—“
The folded parchment shook slightly and you faintly heard Sirius speaking, but you tuned him out completely as your eyes skimmed over the elegantly scrawled words. Your heart sunk lower with each letter read.
You may or may not have seen this coming, but your father and I believe that this is in our best interest as well as yours. We have tried to be accepting of what you are and the things you do, however we are just not cut out for your type of lifestyle. Therefore, we disown you as our daughter and banish you from our lives forever. This is what we believe is truly best and we hope that you can accept that.
You may retrieve your belongings over summer break and find somewhere else to stay. We wish the best for you and what is to come, Y/N.
Y/M/N & Y/F/N
Tears soaked the letter as you read the last few words lining the page. Your friends surrounding you looked concerned and you could see their lips moving, spewing questions towards you, but nothing was registering in your brain. Six words were being screamed by the voices in your head and they completely drowned out the chatter in the Great Hall. All you could hear were the six words that stuck out the most to you on the parchment in front of you.
We disown you as our daughter.
Shooting up from the table, the paper that held the pieces of your shattered heart floated to the ground as you stood abruptly. Your mouth formed words and sputtered out that you were going to class before you fled the Great Hall, walking further away from the prying eyes at the table.
Classes went by in a whirling blur of nothingness. Concentration refused to come easily and although you were immensely sad, your temper had also heightened and you were snappy with anyone whom came into contact with you. After spilling your completed potion on Professor Snape and earning a detention, being late for half of your classes, as well as being poked and prodded at by Sirius Black, you were feeling the lowest you had ever felt in your life. Your anger only bubbled over once you had entered the common room after dinner.
As soon as you neared the couch, you let your body fall onto the soft cushions. Every limb in you melted into the sofa, the plush piece of furniture feeling like a welcoming embrace after the worst day of your life. You could feel the Marauders and Lily watching you, but everyone had been staring at you all day so it wasn’t a feeling you weren’t accustomed to. It irked you quite a bit but you tried to refrain from exploding on your friends—minus Sirius.
“You look like shit,” Sirius exclaimed after minutes of silence.
When your eyes opened and met his dark brown ones, you saw his arrogant smirk and his position on the couch—one arm on the back of the sofa, the other on the arm of it, with his right leg propped on top of his left—and every ounce of anger surfaced. He looked like he owned the world and you hated it. You hated everything about Sirius Black.
“Leave me the fuck alone, Black,” You snarled. You had never sounded more menacing in your whole seventeen years of life.
“I’ll pass, love.” He grinned, only increasing your irritation and he knew it. “It’s much more fun making you mad.”
Clenching your jaw tightly, your curled your fingers into your palm and felt your fingernails dig into the skin. You tried to ignore him, but he was not backing down.
“Ever since that letter this morning—“
You sprung up from the couch and turned to him, fists clenched and heart racing. “Shut up. I swear to Merlin—“
Sirius’ lips quirked up a bit higher, a brow raising. “I believe I’ve struck a nerve, haven’t I, love?”
“Stop calling me that!”
“What was in that letter, Y/N? Did your muggle family finally realize that they don’t love you?”
Air constricted in your lungs. You no longer felt angry, but instead you felt inexplicably hurt. Your heart was physically shooting pain throughout your being and Sirius, who stood in front of you, grew blurrier by the second until tears finally broke through. He had announced your biggest fear, the fear you were living throughout the day but never admitted to yourself. He had hit the nail head-on and for some bizarre reason, it hurt you a little bit more because Sirius had said it.
Slowly nodding your head, tears continually cascading down your cheeks, you watched as his expression changed from smug to purely horrified and shocked. Your trembling hands furiously wiped away the tears and erased the paths they left on your face, hating the vulnerability they caused. “Yeah,” You whispered so quietly that he barely heard you. “Yeah, I suppose they did.”
The ebony haired boy’s lips parted, opening and closing like a fish blubbering for air. He felt his heart clenching and aching within the confines of his chest and he reached out for you, warm fingers ghosting along your wet cheek. He hardly had the chance to touch you when you jerked away from him and with a shatteringly hurt look thrown his way, you fled the Gryffindor common room and left the glowing warmth it held behind. Sirius stared at the portrait hole where he had last seen a flash of your y/h/c hair before it sealed shut again, leaving him to gape at absolute nothing. It wasn’t until a redheaded spitfire of a girl propelled his body toward the exit that Sirius broke from his paralytic state.
“Go after her!”
Sirius took off out of the portrait hole and raced after you, adrenaline coursing throughout his veins to propel him forward a bit quicker. He ran until his lungs began to burn and he didn’t stop until he caught sight of a mess of y/h/c hair whipping around a corner in the many winding corridors. His legs pumped faster until he latched his fingers around your bicep and spun you around forcefully, the momentum from the two of you nearly knocking one another to the ground. He managed to steady himself as well as you, both of his hands moved to your waist, but his focus was steady on your red face and bloodshot eyes. You whimpered at the hurt flooding over you again just from merely looking at him and ripped away from his hands, his touch burning into you like a match to your bare skin.
“Why did you follow me?” You sniffled, trying to hold back another wave of waterworks. “Are you here to rub it in a little bit more? Tell me how much of a failure I am? I already know, Sirius, so you don’t have to tell me, okay? I—“
Breath caught in your throat when Sirius cupped your face in his hands ever so gently, like you were a piece of fragile porcelain. “You’re not a failure and that’s not why I followed you, Y/N,” He whispered. The gentle tone in his voice and the tender look in his earth colored eyes made you want to cry even harder.
“Then why did you? I know you don’t give two shits about me!” You pushed him away again, his arms falling to his sides.
Redness crept onto your face when Sirius scrutinized you. The burning hatred you once felt for him was slowly dying, but the hurt from his jab at your family remained. You felt confused as to why he was looking at you like he cared and why your digits itched to rub the crease between his eyebrows away. You felt strange for wanting him to touch you again and you did not understand when your feelings towards Sirius Black had changed.
“I understand what you’re going through, Y/N,” He finally said.
You rolled your eyes. “No you don’t. I’m sure your family is perfect and they love y—“
He laughed dryly. The pain shone through his eyes and you were surprised at the wetness that glistened in them. “My family is absolute shit. All they care about is blood purity and they despise that I’m in Gryffindor instead of following the blood line and being in Slytherin like my brother,” He growled and avoided your prying gaze. “I’ve never been good enough for them. I never will be.”
The shy demeanor surrounding Sirius provoked you to inch closer to the boy until you hesitantly looped your arms around his middle. Your head lie over his pounding heart and you felt your lips pull upwards when he returned the embrace, pressing your body flush to his own. As soon as Sirius pressed his lips to the top of your head, you forgave him and melted into him—fully and completely allowing every drop of hate to diminish.
“You’re enough for me,” You mumbled into his chest.
Sirius squeezed you tightly. “And you’re enough and more for me.”