it came out lame :(

does bighit think we print money or something?

i. the first time i realised that there is something about girls is when i was thirteen. my sister was already seventeen and she talks about boys all the time, boys she kissed, boys who tried to kiss her, and she asked me, aren’t you at least a little interested?

ii. the first time i realised that there is something about girls is when i was thirteen. i was curious enough to began to notice the difference between girls and boys, and i know that there was something wrong with me, there was a mistake in my body, because i have curves in all the wrong places and they keep calling me girl, girl, girl. i don’t want to be a girl. i am not a girl. but i like girls, i know, i love the curve of their hips and the way they smile and the softness of their skin.

iii. the first time i realised that there is something about girls is when i was thirteen. my sister caught me drawing a naked girl and she told my mother, look what she’s drawing. i was born as a girl, i should be a girl, but i know that i’m not a girl, and i look at pictures of girls — but even if i was a girl and everything was as it is, then what’s wrong with that?

iv. a boy caught my eye when i was in first grade, but in my head, i never knew if i liked boys longer than girls or if it was the other way around, the way the ocean and the waves are inseparable.

v. back in seventh grade, i fell in love with a girl with hair the colour of a starless evening sky. she smiled like the twinkle of a star and her dark eyes told me of the beginning of the world. mum, if only you knew - she was my best friend and her father was an old friend of your husband. back in seventh grade, i fell in love with a girl and i was, in everyone’s narrative except mine, a girl.

vi. some days i would close my eyes and imagine how it feels like to kiss her.

vii. boys come and go and i tried to like them harder, deeper, longer - but i was envious of them. i was deeply jealous of their flat chests, their narrow hips, the shape of their bodies, how they moved. boys come and go and i tried to imagine how it feels like to be with one, but all i can think of was kissing them and stealing their skins, their bodies, the body that was supposed to be mine by birthright. i was petty, and i was sinful, and everyone keeps calling me girl, girl, girl like it was some sort of a curse.

viii. i’m not a girl.

ix. i don’t know how it happened but there comes a day when i can imagine kissing boys without whispering in their ear that they have something that they have stolen from me. i don’t know how it happened, but there comes a day when i can imagine dating boys and kissing them.

x. i keep dreaming about a girl. she was running and running and running and i love her with a love that transcends worlds.

xi. i dreamt about boys and girls and girls and boys and i am not a girl, i am a boy, and maybe there’s nothing wrong with that.

– IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER, Helix M. // original idea by @prcserpina, used with permission

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Here’s a commission batch of the wonderful commissions I’ve gotten this past week (as least the ones I can show~!)
Thank you so much to yesthisisminish, toastedrainbows , hyrule-rhythms-courage, girl-anachronsim, and Dawn Moon! (i’m not sure what your tumblr is but I’d be happy to link it here!*)