it burns to get so close

Snowballs

Requested by @rowanismybae @flamingveritas and anonymous: 50: “Bite me.” 52: “Kiss my ass.” 68:  “Well this is awkward.” 117: “Don’t you dare throw that snowba- goddammit!”

Thank you to @a-courtof-fangirls-and-fanfics for working through this with me and @rhysand-and-rowan for being so encouraging.

Nessian - Post ACOWAR fluff and confessions


Nesta hates winter with a burning passion. It reminds her of times when she almost died, when her family would grow so close to starving to death and there was nothing she could do about it. She especially despises snow, as it always soaks her to the bone and makes it practically impossible to get warm again. 

Thus, when it first snows in Velaris after the war, Nesta wants nothing to do with it. She retreats to the library and curls up in a chair in front of the fireplace with a book. She should’ve guessed that he would come looking for her.

“Nesta!” He calls, large footsteps bounding down the hall until they stop in the doorway. Nesta doesn’t look up from her book but her heart starts to beat faster just knowing he is in such a close proximity to her. Damn him for making her feel this way. “Nesta, did you see the snow?” He wonders excitedly.

When she continues to ignore him, Cassian takes matters into his own hands. He stalks over to her and shakes his head like a dog, splattering cold droplets of snow all over her. Nesta shrieks and throws her book at Cassian, who is laughing maniacally. “You idiot!” She exclaims, all pleasant thoughts towards him gone - which she is thankful for. 

Cassian feigns wiping imaginary tears from his eyes in his laughter. “C’mon Nesta, the gang is going to go play in the snow, you should come with us!” 

“Bite me.” She sneers back. Cassian grins, holding his hands up in surrender. 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Can i get a scenario where xanxus' gf is a doctor treating their wounds? Sfw or nsfw i trust youuuu! Love your blog so much

((I’m stuck healing, so why not, dear! ♥))


Tender as they were, it burned him to see the concern mingling with mockery. That faded stare of mild sweetness that blistered him far worse than any tear in his flesh nor rip at the seams of his ribcage. 

Xanxus couldn’t feel the way your hands tended to his wounds, only how your eyes watched him like prey, huddling as close as possible with the taste of motherly worry in your heart that he longed to force away.

Hell, he’d rather see anything- desire, longing, hatred for being so reckless like a damned idiot, but seeing you act so kind was like poison to the ego growing with every prickled touch of the nails that finally made him seethe.

“I don’t need you pawing at my injuries,” Xanxus argued, jerking back at last with your frame straddling over him at a better view. One he liked more than the intense pain shredding his side as he shifted in his seat. “Nn- No way I would need you taking care of me.”

“And let the best lover I’ve had bleed out?” Your voice took on that flirtatious tone just to see the eyes flare up with passion behind the skulking lids. That scowl worth the taunt as your knees pressed on either side of him carefully when frisking his sides. “I’d rather kill you myself.”

“Try me,” He fired, that jarring tone making you fan yourself internally as he pulsed with something else you couldn’t place. Was he really angry behind those precious, throbbing eyes? Or just acting tough for a little aftercare?

“Don’t make me rip you a new one,”

wannabecatwriter  asked:

11, 27 34 for the legacy meme, please!

11. If you ever did any storylines, what is the one you’re most proud of?

My favorite storyline is the Mason/Athena/Caleb stuff! I adore them, and honestly have been having a great time writing Mason for three years lol. Plus, there’s so many opportunities for angst! Favorite generation though, is 5!


27. Do you have this one OTP that stands out among the other legacy couples? Tell us about them!

ONE? It has to be Charlotte and Jeff (made by @dandylion240). We can all agree, I spent the most time with them. I loved exploring their relationship, and it was a really slow burn. Charlotte was an angry young vampire who acted the way she did out of fear of getting too close to someone and ending up like her mother. Jeff was a family man who had waaaaaaaay more patience than we all give him credit for. The two make one of my greatest couples of all time. 


28.  The most unique sim?

The first sim that came to mind was Dionysus. Only because, he started as this guy who was going to destroy Charlotte’s relationship with Jeff. And he just spawned into so much more. His voice is loud and powerful, and I guess he’s unique because he spiraled way out of control in the best way. 


Thanks for asking!

An Escort’s Favorite Products and Their Hoe Uses

For those that have asked about my self-care regimen, here are my favorite products and their uses! I’ll definitely update this as I get more escorting experience and my product selection grows. 

Body

I have sensitive, weird skin. I’m allergic to almost all BBW products. Here are the things I love! 

  • Aloe Vera Baby Oil - Shaving the cooch
  • Tend Skin - Prevents razor burn after shaving the cooch
  • Neutrogena Body Clear Scrub - Exfoliates and gets rid of random bumps
  • Aveeno Therapeutic Shave Gel - For a soft, super close shave on your legs
  • Lollia Perfumed Shower Gel - All of their scents smell amazing and they leave behind a muted scent. Plus, it’s very thick so a little bit goes a long way. Seriously, a quarter sized dollop is enough to get foamy suds over your entire body!
  • Lollia Hand Creme - Will give you the smoothest, softest hands ever. Especially important for touching wieners. 
  • Intimore Intimate Wash - My favorite wash for cleaning the vag. ALL of their varieties are safe for sensitive skin and they have great uses. The Therapeutic wash is great if you’ve been fucked raw. Very soothing!
  • Lush Sugar Scrub - Great for exfoliating, it leaves your skin very bright and radiant and it is supposed to reduce the appearance of cellulite!
  • Nip + Fab Glycolic Fix Extreme Pads - I use these to get rid of weird bumps or razor burn on my legs after shaving. Will literally clear up those weird clear bumps that aren’t quite whiteheads or pimples. 
  • Kiehl’s Soy Milk & Honey Whipped Body Butter - Will leave your entire body smoother than a baby’s butt and the scent is very light. Super hydrating. I use this every night after a hot bath. I also use this to moisturize my cooch. YES, YOU CAN AND SHOULD MOISTURIZE YOUR COOCH. It’s okay! Try it!
  • Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs - It’s like foundation for your legs! It comes in either a squeeze bottle or mist. I use the squeeze bottle more because the mist WILL STAIN your bathroom tile or toilet, if you prop your leg on it to spray. 
  • St. Tropez Express Bronzing Mousse with Mitt - I used this for the first time last night because my spray tan was wearing off. It gives a really natural tan and you only have to leave it on 1-3 hours, depending on how dark you want to go, before rinsing! I left mine on for a little less than two hours and I have a nice, NATURAL looking tan glow! 

Hair

I’m a light ashy blonde with frizzy, unmanageable hair. Here are my top picks for products. 

  • Batiste Dry Shampoo - Absolute BEST dry shampoo and it’s super affordable. Very fine powder. It comes in a bunch of varities, I like the sleek and shine the most. 
  • AG Hair Cosmetics Sterling Silver Shampoo - Great purple shampoo for blondes. 
  • Davines Alchemic Conditioner - They have different formulas for different hair colors. I use the purple conditioner for blondes and it’s a great purple mask that tones and deep conditions. 
  • Kerastase Shampoo & Conditioner - Comes in a ton of varities. I use the ones for damaged hair and frizzy hair. BEST shampoo and conditioners I have ever used. It doesn’t take much product and every product does what it says it will. 
  • Kerastase Fluidissime Blow Dry Spray - For frizzy or curly hair. It gives heat protection, shine and smoothness. I use this when I want my hair to be super straight or I want to style it after blow drying. 
  • Kerastase L’ncroyable Blow Dry - Most amazing blow dry lotion ever. Seriously. Now my most used product. 
  • Kerastase Ciment Thermique - Protecting blow dry lotion for damaged/colored hair. 
  • Davines Melu Serum - For disguising split ends. Also adds shine. 
  • Davines Minu Mask - Illuminating hair mask used to add back shine and dimension
  • Carol’s Daughter Monoi Mask - Great for softness and hydration. Smells amazing. Probably my favorite mask. 
  • Kerastase Masqueintense - Second favorite hair mask. It’s ultra smoothing and revitalizes your hair. 
  • Kerastase Elixir Ultime - Great hair oil! Lighter than Morrocanoil with the same benefits, though the smell isn’t as nice. 
  • Shu Uemura Straight Forward - Great blowdry spray oil. It really does cut down the amount of time it takes to blow out your hair. I use this with the Kerastase Incredible Blowdy. 

Skin Care

I have sensitive, combination skin. I used to get random hormonal acne. 

  • Glamglow ThirstyMud - Great for hydration and smells amazing. You can use it as rinse off or a sleeping mask.
  • Glamglow Flashmud - Brightening, revitalizing mask. I use this on my butt to help get rid of a few blemish scars. No, I am not joking. Yes, it is actually working. 
  • Glamglow Thirstycleanse - Amazing mud cleanser for whenever my skin is feeling a little dry or needs some nourishment. 
  • Glamglow Supercleanse - My favorite cleanser ever. It’s a mud-oil dual pump and it takes off every BIT of make up and keeps your skin super clear! Plus, it’s not drying!
  • Peter Thomas Roth BHA 2% Acne Wash - For if I feel a breakout coming on. One bottle will likely last you over a year. 
  • Peter Thomas Roth Blemish Buffing Beads - Great for body acne.
  • Glamglow Fizzy Lip - Great exfoliating lip scrub, plus you get twice as much product as most other lip scrubs. 
  • Glamglow Wet Lip - Intense softening lip treatment. You should definitely be using both of these to get seductive, soft, kissable lips! 
  • Sunday Riley Luna Sleeping Oil - I use this at night before bed. It’s anti-aging, moisturizing, clarifying, fights wrinkles and reduces pore size. 
  • Sunday Riley Good Genes Serum - I use this in the morning and it makes my skin look superb. Best skin product I’ve ever had. It brightens, exfoliates, gives radiance and evens out hyperpigmentation. 
  • Clarins HydraQuench Intensive Serum Bi-Phase - I use this serum as my moisturizer and it keeps my skin super nourished! It doesn’t clog up your pores and hydrates your dry areas. Definitely the best moisturizer I’ve ever used.

This is how I’ll love you: like the night sky holding on to her brightest stars so they won’t fall, like a lighthouse safely guiding her sailors home, like a flower rising toward her sun, like the wave gently lapping against her shore, like a flame igniting, burning herself over and over again for the one she loves.

This is how you’ll love me: from a distance, close enough to touch, but never close enough to let yourself get hurt. Never close enough to let me in. Walking on eggshells, tiptoeing around your feelings like there was a way for you to avoid catching them.

This is how we’ll end: I ask you to meet me halfway, but you never show up. I ask you to tell me what you want but you never know yourself. I ask you to let me go because I cannot stay for someone who does not know for sure if he wants me to. So we end how we began. But, tell me, if there was no beginning, how can there ever be an end? If all we did was go in circles, how can we stop?

—  how we loved / n.j.

an innocent boy deceived by a man promising him a chance to be something more, who swam for his life with death looming so close he could taste it, feel its hooks still clasped around his burning throat, homeless and deprived of family….received by the cold streets of the barrel, a place where he developed a lock pick mind, a scheming face, a new family, and a taste for revenge. sounds a lot like kaz, but I mean wylan

things Even experiences with sleepy/tired Isak:

  • lots of soft kisses and nose nuzzling
  • the radiant soft pink glow on his skin he always gets (mostly those adorable cheeks) when he’s cosy and warm in Even’s arms under their duvet
  • quiet whispered discussions about anything and everything, what they’re gonna do that day, how their homework is going, when they’re next visiting parents. just cosy domestic stuff that Even loves.
  • comfortably quiet breakfasts, sometimes over their second hand kitchen table and sometimes in bed, where they share sleepy smiles and nudge each other’s knees playfully while they eat
  • slowly dancing around their flat (if you could even call it that), as close together as two people could possibly be, the sides of their heads resting together and their arms wrapped like vines around the others waist just listening to each others breathing and their hearts beat because neither of them are awake enough to talk
  • Isak whining that they don’t need to get out of bed and meaning Even sets alarms ten minutes earlier now to accommodate Isak’s need for snuggle time
  • half arsing dinner and just ordering take out or giving up with it all together because they just want to lie down and recharge from the day’s events and how bad can it be to skip a dinner here or there
  • Isak falling asleep literally anywhere if he’s tired enough. over the kitchen table, sat in the school cafeteria, that one time Isak had been in the shower too long for even a 17 year old boy and Even went in to check on him and it turned out Isak had sat down under the shower and fallen asleep there despite (or maybe because of?) the warm water raining down on him
  • when Isak’s tired his brain gets things muddled up and his sentences sometimes come out backwards and he doesn’t even realise (like the time he asked Even if he’d homework’d his finish and Even said he didn’t study Finnish and they both stared at each other in confusion for a solid 60 seconds). most of the time Even can figure out what he means thankfully

things Even experiences with Tired™ Isak:

  • Isak getting overly emotional about everything, with all logic going out the window. homework unfinished? Isak is psyching himself out into thinking he’s going to fail all his classes. Even looked at him strangely? Even is realising Isak is a mess and he doesn’t have time for him. Isak burns dinner? he’s an impossible human being it’s no wonder his family fell apart when he can’t even cook a simple omelette. you get the idea.
  • Isak’s temper going from 0-50000 real quick. but his face always crumples before he’s even finished snapping and snarling (or shouting on the odd occasion)
  • having to wrap Isak up in so many layers and blankets because when he’s tired Isak cannot keep the cold from his bones and constantly shivers and shakes even when it’s a warm day
  • holding Isak close in the small hours of the morning while he tries to sleep, rubbing Isak’s back and stroking his curls and sometimes even rocking him gently, just wanting to help his exhausted boy sleep
  • the few times it got so bad that Even woke up to Isak shaking against him trying not to cry and when Even gathered him closer still his heart breaking when the tears spilt over Isak’s cheeks and he choked out I just want to sleep
  • the utterly terrifying night that Even can’t think about even now without breaking into a sweat. he’d woken up to the sound of retching and stumbled across to their small bathroom and found Isak hugging porcelain with a half empty bottle of sleeping pills on the floor.
  • for a wild second Even thought it was a suicide attempt and he was horrified that he’d missed warning signs that weren’t there, but when he dropped to his knees Isak choked out an apology and the tears spilled over (whether it was from the stress of vomiting or the emotional strain is still unknown) and he kept repeating that he was so tired and he just wanted to sleep. that was when Even took matters into his own hands and made Isak a doctor’s appointment
  • the many a night that Even woke up and through bleary eyes saw Isak lying awake next to him just staring blindly up at the ceiling
  • Isak not being mentally present at all for short stretches of time. sometimes he’ll even space out midsentence, to the extent that Even’s wondered if maybe Isak is having absent seizures rather than just being too exhausted to function

“I’ve caught one,” the fisherman screams, grinning at his hook stuck in the girl’s cheek. “I caught myself a mermaid!”

Her hair is green, algae curled around it. The fisherman’s grip is greed, is lust, when he rips at it to get her closer. Her mouth glints like a pearl and oh, he could sell her after he’s - well, once he’s done with that beauty of hers. “Aren’t you a pretty one,” he licks his lips, “and all mine. I caught you, so you’re mine.”

All at once, her song ends. No sound comes out of her mouth that stays open, teeth tiny and many, sharp in the slick night. She tugs the hook out of her cheek. The fisherman watches, his heart burning from how fast it runs against his flesh, as her wound closes up and a bit of blood drips from her little mouth.

“Yours,” the mermaid says. The sea echoes her voice, an accent he can’t define, oh who cares, she’s just - just prey - and her pupils snap into slits. “Yours?”

The ocean ripples.

The waves tremble.

The wind whispers, smiles, then stills to not disturb the song that rises once more.
“No,” whisper a thousand voices, whisper a million teeth, whispers ten thousands of stares in the water. “We caught you. You are ours.”

Can we talk about how I’m gonna fuck you up and how you’re not gonna see it coming and how even now my destructive tendencies are coming into play and
that’s why I told you what you said when you were drunk and
that’s why i snapchatted your best friend and
that’s why i told you about that other guy because
i am only good at burning bridges and this is getting too serious too close too much like something good something I don’t deserve so
i’m hitting the ground running, you know?
you won’t even see it coming.
—  god I’m so sorry for letting you think I was something good– lily rain
share my heart

A/N: i was forced at gunpoint tonight to write a s4 drabble about bellarke realizing how the other feels about them. Rated T. WC: 1455.


It’s quiet.

Somehow, quiet is always around Bellamy. It’s like he wears it on his shoulders, along with all the pain and hurt and guilt. She doesn’t know if he’s even aware he projects it. All she knows is when she’s sitting with him like she is tonight, sorting meat packages into piles for storage for Alpha Station’s five years weathering out the storm, everything just feels calmer.

“Pass me the checklist,” Bellamy rumbles, nudging her hand with his. It’s the first thing either of them have said for the past half hour.

She obliges, and he squints at it.

“We’ve got to sort those.” He points. Clarke glances around. “Into different kinds of meat. We forgot to do that.”

“Then we have to do it again,” she exhales, and rakes a hand through her hair, nails digging into her own scalp. That will take another twenty minutes at least. Heavy frustration washes over her in a wave. There’s too much to do. Too many small details to iron out. “There’s not enough time.”

She hears him taking a deep breath— it’s no secret that they’re both counting down the minutes. But when he speaks, his voice is even. “There’ll be plenty of time soon enough. Five years, to be exact.”

She looks up, finds him watching her, dark eyes unreadable, and nods, her throat still feeling tight.

They resume sorting, but this time, it’s his shoulders that are drawn tight, and Clarke feels terrible right then for reminding him how little time they had, as if he weren’t already thinking about it every moment of the day. She scrambles for something to say to distract him. “What do you think you’ll do?”

Bellamy looks up, quirks up a brow.

She clarifies. “What do you think you’ll do with those five years?”

Keep reading

Vow

*swamped with homework and feelings and managed to shell this out a month late…I’m a mess™*

Request:  Hii can i have a drabble thingy game with jimin?TY😙😉 12,23 by  rebelliousjvmin

Word Count: 8.6k

Originally posted by bwipsul

He’s a literal angel


You were immersed in a deep sleep, tired from working on a large project that was worth half your grade. In you attempt to disconnect from the world around and sleep peacefully, you blocked out the sounds and all touch with reality. The sudden dip in your bed didn’t bother you, the presence of another body and an arm haphazardly wrapping around you, these were things you were blocking out. Until you felt a finger on your cheek.

“Hey, roomie.”

“I hate you.”

“You know you love me.”

“Kiss my ass, Jimin.” You used to think you were lucky to be paired up with your best friend in the dorms of your university. Until you realized he was a clingy, sassy and messy guy that never failed to annoy you. His leisure attitude towards school was opposite to your dedication to reading every word of your textbook. He was a jock, baseball being the reason he was here in your room and cheekily smiling at you.  

“I wouldn’t mind doing that.” You whacked him in the face with your pillow, wanting him to leave your room but he instead pulled you closer against his chest.

“Let go of me, you pervert.”

“You told me to kiss your ass, now…”

“I swear to god, Jimin, I’ll suffocate you in your sleep.”

“Kinky. I always wanted to test out breath play.”

Keep reading

Real Estate Revenge

(TL;DR at bottom)

I’ve been a real estate broker in Chicago for nearly 20 years. I started at a very small independent brokerage. It was my first week there when the broker/owner gave me a lead. He was older and wasn’t in very good health, so he passed a lot of his leads to his agents.

One of the broker’s friends passed away and the friend’s son wanted to sell the house. I call the son who tells me he’s known the broker for 30-plus years and how close their families were. He seems like a really nice guy. I go over and check out the house. I work up a gorgeous comparative market analysis. I have other brokers check my numbers (I was new and wanted to do a perfect job for my new client). I rehearse my presentation, have my stuff professionally printed, prepare for any possible questions, have responses ready for objections, and I head out.

I dazzle this guy with my presentation. He likes the $135,000 list price I recommended. He’s fine with the commission. He has no objections, but he asks me to give him 2 months to clean out the house, give his siblings a chance to go through everything and then repaint.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Number 4 please!!! I wanna burn in all these feels

CUTE THINGS BOYFRIEND!TOM DOES 

(this was originally supposed to be titled ‘’things he does that make your heart soar but that was a little cheesetown so now we have this!!!)

  • he’s a forehead nudger. he’s done it since you first started dating. if your squishing together on the couch, he’ll nudge his forehead into your shoulder to get you to adjust so he can fit flush against you. or he’ll just do it when you two are standing close together. its something that’s extremely intimate like a kiss but yet so gentle and loving
  • when talking to tessa, he will refer to you as “mummy”. 
  • you can remember the first time he did it. you were waiting by the front door as he fastened her leash and cooed to her. “gonna have a nice walk, aren’t we, princess? you, me, and mummy.” you’ve never discussed it, but the look you gave him when he glanced up at you was the only confirmation he needed
  • sometimes will refer to you in conversations as “the missus”. once or twice it has sparked some engagement rumors and that’s partially why he loves it
  • every time you watch him pack for another long press junket it away, he will wrap and arm under your legs and across your back before carrying you bridal style into his suitcase. he pretends to pack you, setting some t-shirts and socks on top of you before shutting the lid. “i told you i can’t forget anything!!” 
  • when he gets home after a long day and its quite late, he wakes you up by slathering your face in kisses. there’s no corner of your skin left untouched before he smiles against it and whispers a “missed you”
  • feel free to fight me but, he’s a big corner mouth kisser. like not all the time, but rather then place a quick peck to your lips, he’s developed a habit of catching the corner of your lips, in a sort of teasing, cheeky way. 
  • (when he first started doing it, he’d say “there’s more where that came from!!!”)
  • he’s also a big grabby hand baby. if he’s talking to harrison back stage in a green room, he’ll stretch out his hand to you, beckoning you to come play with his fingers or at least just sit by him.
  • or when he has a break and for some reason you’re still across the room, he’ll stretch his hands out to, fingers flexing and a whine leaving his mouth
  • tried to cook for you but only has 3 ½ meals memorized and can never be bothered with recipes because the boy cannot follow directions (”i’m not gonna let a piece of paper tell me what to do!!!”)
  • when you tag along to his events, in between networking or interviewing, he’ll twist around so he can find you and give you a nose scrunch or a playful snarl, just so you know he hasn’t forgotten you’re there
  • lays on top of you. just spreads across you. doesn’t matter what you’re doing. you will either become his pillow for a quick nap or listen to him beg for your attention.
  • he’s a show off too. like if he gets a crowd laughing or does a flip for an audience, he’ll find you in the crowd or backstage and give you and eyebrow wiggles as if to say “did you see THAT”
  • he hits on you like you’re not already together. you’ll be in the cereal aisle, trying to pick one out for the week and he’ll saunter over to you, place and arm against the shelves and wink “do you come here often?”
  • or “hey you’re really cute, got a boyfriend?” and you reply “yeah and he’s Spider-Man.” he’s always delighted when you play along. “damn, sounds like a really manly guy, you’re really lucky.”
  • if you say “i love you” back too quietly, he shouts “what was that?!” until you shout it back at him
  • he would rather sit on the floor with his back against your legs while you sit on the couch. this way he can drape your legs over his shoulders and loop his arms over them or run his hands over your soft skin
  • will take deep, deep inhales of your shampoo or hair care sent. like sniffs so hard he may pop a brain vessel “i think i’m getting high off of how good you smell!!!!!” 
Park Chanyeol//Liquid Truth

Originally posted by yeolhighness

Summary: You and Chanyeol go way back, and are best friends. It’s become routine for you to come over to the dorms whenever you have a fight with your boyfriend, but lately, he’s been pissed off at you, and you’re not quite sure why.
Scenario: angst, fluff
Word Count: 6,917

Keep reading

For better baked frozen pizza, ignore the instructions on the box. Fully thaw the pizza the bake it for 5-8 minutes on the hottest temperature your oven will go.

Having recently done a lot of experimenting with “upgrading” cheap frozen pizzas to make them taste less, well, cheap and frozen, this has been by far the most important trick.

Commercial pizzas are baked in stone ovens that get up to 700- 1000 degrees, which is why they bake so quickly and end up with nice crispy crusts and un-burned everything else. Your home oven will never get that hot but you can try to get as close as possible to emulate the effect.

Cook the pizza on the bare rack to maximize air circulation if you don’t have a pizza stone or a cast iron skillet/slab. If you have either of those, heat it in the oven first and then cook the pizza on that once the oven hits its max temperature.

For even better pizza, brush the crust with olive oil before you bake and sprinkle either fresh garlic or garlic powder on it. (The garlic flavor helps to balance out the usually heavy handed and far too sweet sauce that goes on your average frozen pizza).

Edit: Forgot to mention, keep a close eye on the pizza if you’re going to do this! 5-8 minutes is a pretty general number and, depending on the temperature your oven maxes out at, your pizza could go from “perfect” to “burned to a crisp” in the span of a minute.

I’ve all but closed myself off to any sort of feeling. I’ve been burned so badly that i stay away from all hot surfaces now. It’s fine, really. I don’t feel the hurt anymore like i used to. The wounds have healed themselves and i hardly notice the scars anymore. It’s fine – it’s just that i can’t feel the warmth now either. I kind of miss that, you know? There’s got to be a way to feel the sun without getting engulfed in its flames.
—  a.m. // i’m trying to find a balance between feeling everything and nothing
2

A/N: Request from anon. A lot of depression and angst here but I’d say it’s fluffy too. It worked well with that idea I had in mind, so without further ado… enjoy!

Words: 1662
Warnings: angst, depression

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Prison AU: inmate dan becomes officer Phil's personal fuck toy at the prison.

Warning!! Smut: Inmate! Dan, guard! Phil, dom! Phil, sub! Dan, degradation, feminization, spanking, choking, daddy kink, hand jobs, blow jobs, closet sex, etc etc.


~Dan was told many things whenever he was first put into prison. He was told he would lose weight, eat less, exercise more, have to fight more, cigarettes were considered currency, all the usual stuff you’d be told before going to prison. No one, however, told him one thing in particular: That he would be a prison bitch.

~Dan had always known he was gay on some level, and didn’t much care for the idea of unconsented sexual relationships in prison, which he had also been warned about beforehand. But he wasn’t just a prison bitch to another prisoner, no of course not, a guard had claimed him.

~Phil Lester was a well respected officer, he had been working here for a few years and everyone was proud of him for his years of diligent hard work. He was a man of secrecy though, kept to himself most often, about many things, including his love life. Many of his coworkers had in the past asked him about his love life, but he never spoke about it. Again, being a man of secrecy, his love life fell under that veil.

~Dan had met Phil during his first year in. He knew who he was from the moment he saw him, the blue eyes strikingly familiar in a way that made his stomach knot up with old feeling swelling up. They had been together in high school, breaking up just before graduation due to having different career path choices, and different college choices. So they had decided it best for their relationship to just break up before making things too complicated.

~Phil was doing rounds, bunk checks were regular after an incident that happened a few weeks past. He looked through each bunk thoroughly, walking through the narrow hall and going into each one to check individually. He slowly walked in bunk 13, meeting his eyes with a pair of familiar brown eyes he hadn’t seen since he spent two years looking into them daily. Dan Howell.

~Phil smirked, deciding to play fun at their chance to catch up. “Inmate. What are you in for?” He asked, leaning on the cement frame of the small room and looking around to make sure no one noticed them before meeting his eyes back with Dan’s. “Vandalism. Mom had some asshole boyfriend start beating her, I destroyed his house, car, work area, everywhere I could. I wanted to destroy him like he had been destroying mom.”  

~Phil chuckled quietly, smiling fondly. “So. You still the same old mama’s boy I see.” He smirked. Dan scoffed softly, rolling his eyes and crossing his legs on his mattress, looking up at Phil with a grin. “Shut up.” He hummed. “I got three years for it too. In my opinion, totally worth it.”

~Phil nodded, looking around as the rest of the prisoners moved to the lunch area. No one would mind if he held Dan up, after all, he was an officer, he could do as he liked to the prisoners pretty much. He walked over and sat by him, smiling. “I haven’t seen you in so long.”

~Dan chuckled softly and nodded, looking at him. “Yeah. I haven’t seen you since you tore my heart out and stomped on it.” He murmured a little. “Seriously? Dan we aren’t 17 anymore you cannot still be brooding over me leaving you. I was going to a school 4 hours away from you. It would have been too hard!” He sighed, placing a hand on Dan’s thigh. “You know I loved you. I cried the whole time because I didn’t wanna leave. I loved you too much.”

~Dan sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back. “You shouldn’t touch me. Even talking to me so intimately could cost you your job.” He sighed again, his tone a little sad. “I got suspended for you four times in a year, lost two jobs over you, and gotten a teacher fired for you just because my dad is a lawyer. Danny, as it was before, it’d be worth it to lose a job over you.”

~Dan smiled softly, his dimple popping out and a light blush spreading across his cheeks. “I haven’t been called Danny in a  very long time. Especially not by a guy so cute.” He hummed, swaying a little from side to side and nudging Phil.

~Phil chuckled softly, glancing around again just for safety before leaning in and pecking Dan’s cheek. “I’ve missed you. And you’re flirting.” He smiled. “Oh the flirting can get much worse. Have I ever said how much I love a man in uniform? Although, looking good in the uniform isn’t the challenge. Looking good with it off is. And I can guarantee you look damn good with it off.” He smiled bashfully at his own flirting, leaning his head on Phil’s shoulder.

~Phil laughed quietly, shaking his head and kissing his hair softly. “Why does this feel so familiar? I feel like I’m 17 again and my boyfriend is trying to get into my pants after homecoming.” He laughed.

~Dan smiled sweetly. “It does feel familiar doesn’t it?” He agreed, feeling Phil’s fingers lace with his own. “Even after all these years when you touch me I get butterflies…” He smiled, nuzzling his neck a little. “That your way of telling me you got a boner or something?” Phil snickered, feeling Dan shove him over, his laugh ringing in his ears.

~Phil smiled in adoration as they calmed down from their mutual laughter, letting Dan settle back against him before taking his hand in his own once more. “You know, orange really isn’t your color.” He commented. “And what do you suppose I do about it? It’s the only attire I’ll be allowed to wear for the next few years.” He chuckled, this time a bit sadly.

~Phil smirked again, squeezing his hand. “You could just take it off sometimes. Preferably when you’re with me.” He suggested, only half kidding. “You just miss my ass don’t you?” Dan smirked back, going along with his flirting. “Oh fuck yes I did.” Phil laughed, almost snorting. “I have to admit, it to this day is the best ass I’ve ever gotten. Probably because I love the person attached to it so much..” He smiled.

~Dan flushed pink, giggling quietly and looking up at him, moving into his lap and starting to play with his hair. “I never really got over you either, as cheesey as it may sound.” He bit his lip, and Phil felt the same butterflies in his stomach he got the day he had first kissed Dan. He was so pretty, he hadn’t aged a day. Granted it had only been a few years, but still. He was just as breathtaking a sPhil remembered him to be.

~Phil smiled at him, his hopes raising. He knew he couldn’t make a relationship with Dan again, not with him being in prison and all. But he could, at the very least, get to know him again. “Yeah?” He asked, seeing Dan nod. “Yeah..” He said.

~They were dangerously close, close enough that Phil could lean in not even an inch and close the gap between them with ease. His hands shook, he could get fired and he did love this job, he didn’t want to get fired by any means. But the way Dan looked, his hair curly and longer than it used to be, his big brown doe eyes burning into him, his lips soft and pink, the bottom caught between his teeth; he was down right irresistible, and so, on impulse, he leaned in and kissed Dan with all the passion, lust, and love he had harbored for him all these years.

~Dan kissed back with the same ferocity, lips and tongue and teeth clashing in a messy, heated kiss. His eyes were practically rolling to the back of his head, his fingers tugging at Phil’s hair, trying to pull him impossibly closer.

~Phil noticed his hands starting to wander, unable to care, gripping the ass he has been still getting off to to this day. He slid his tongue along Dan’s, exploring his mouth as if he never had before, trailing over to kiss his jawline and his neck.

~Dan leaned to the side, his eyes fluttering shut and a soft moan escaping his lips. “You’re neck is still such a fucking g-spot for you huh baby boy?” He purred, nipping and sucking, but not leaving marks. Dan was letting out soft moans, the room quiet all except for Dan’s panting  and breathy moaning. “Please..” He begged quietly, desperate to be silent but knowing it was going to be nearly impossible, especially for him.

~Phil smirked against his pale skin, dragging his teeth over a vein in his neck and chuckling. “You gonna beg me baby? Beg for my cock like the slut you always are for me?” He asked, starting to unbutton Dan’s jumpsuit. Sure, they could be caught, sure this was wrong, sure this could cost him his job; But looking at Dan, his shirt halfway undone, his cock straining against his slightly chubby stomach, his eyes shut and moans slipping past his lips, Phil was reminded of just how much he didn’t care.

~Phil caught his lips for another rough kiss, slipping his hand down to grip Dan’s cock, stroking slowly. Dan nipped Phil’s bottom lip, tugging softly before moaning again, thankful everyone was at lunch and no one was around to hear the whorish noises he was making. “I’m barely even touching you.” Phil smirked. “And you’re already so close aren’t you?” He asked, speeding up his movements, swiping over the head of his cock with his thumb and collecting the beading precum.

~Dan whimpered, nodding half heartedly as he desperately bucked up his hips, trying to get more, Phil’s slow pace so delicious but so damn torturous. “More.” He begged again, leaning his head back and bucking his hips to no avail, Phil holding them down with force. “What do you want baby?” He asked, removing his hand from Dan and hearing him whine loudly at the loss, his hips still bucking up in desperation, trying to get friction to his throbbing cock.

~Dan whined again, finally relenting in understanding that Phil wouldn’t do anymore to him until he begged. And so as many times before, he dropped all pride, and begged like a whore for his rightful owner to fuck him senseless. “Please sir fuck me please! No one can make me cum like you do, please daddy, please I’ll do anything!” Tears fell past his eyes, he was so easy to work up and Phil would be lying if he said it didn’t turn him on.

~Phil smirked smugly, nodding and kissing him briefly, slipping a key into his hand. “There’s a closet down the hall. Everyone else will be outside in the yard. I’ll be there in a moment.” He instructed. “I want you naked and stretched by the time I’m in there and if you aren’t? I’ll spank that perfect ass so hard you won’t be able to sit for the next week.” He finished and Dan nodded eagerly, getting up off his lap and dashing down the hall to do as told.

~Phil waited for some time to pass before making his way down to where he knew Dan was at, opening the door and smirking to himself. It was dimly lit, the window on the door covered, but most notable of this all was Dan. Dan who was bent over a small table, three fingers inside himself, stretching himself open and moaning loudly.

~Phil walked over, slapping Dan;s ass hard and making him squeak. “You better shut the fuck up slut. Or everyone in this damn prison is going to hear you acting like a fucking whore for me. Do you want tha Danny? Knowing you I bet you would. Everyone here to know your ass belongs to me, that pretty pink cunt is for me and me only to stretch open and fucking ruin.” he smacked his ass again, gripping the soft skin. “Isn’t that right baby?” He asked.

~Dan only moaned in response, feeling another harsh slap to his ass after he didn’t respond properly. “Fuck! Yes yes you’re right daddy! I want everyone to know I’m yours.” He admitted.

~Phil chuckled, flipping Dan around and pushing him to his knees. “No lube baby. Guess you’ll just have to get my cock wet enough with that beautiful mouth of yours.” He smirked, lifting Dan’s chin to make eye contact.

~Dan nodded, unbuckling his belt and undoing his jeans as quick as his fingers would let him. He tugged down his pants, mouthing over him through his boxers slowly. He kept looking up at Phil, wide innocent eyes, as if he was doing nothing arousing whatsoever. Phil groaned quietly, the cold air hitting his hard cock as Dan pulled him free from his boxers.

~Dan slowly licked up the side, putting on a show almost, wanting to do his absolute best, but still be a tease in the process. He swirled his tongue around his tip, wrapping his lips around him and slowly bobbing down. He kept a slow pace, taking Phil into his mouth and swiping his tongue over his slit every time he came back up.

~Phil tangled his fingers into Dan’s hair, pushing him down with force and watching Dan hollowing his cheeks to accommodate him, speeding up his movements. Dan bobbed his head quickly, his tongue working over every inch of his cock, making sure he’d be slicked up enough to fuck him painlessly before Phil pulled him off. He wiped the spit dripping from his mouth, the taste of precum stuck to his tongue in a way that made him even more desperate to be filled up and fucked hard.

~Phil pulled him up by the hair, pushing him over the desk and smacking his ass once more. He slowly rubbed his tip over his slightly gaping hole, pushing in just the tip before pulling out again. “You know the drill, I’m sure..” He smirked.

~Dan whimpered, looking back at him and blinking, his lips parted and his thighs starting to shake, his breathing unsteady. “Daddy please..I love being your toy. Letting you fuck me, mark me, break me, cum deep inside me. Please. Make me yours.” He whined, and that was all it took for Phil to slam in.

~Dan cried out, tears brimming in the corner of his eyes, pain and pleasure, along with his tears, clouding his vision as he looked back at Phil. He rocked his hips back, letting himself adjust but wanting more already. Phil smirked, pulling out and slamming back in not too long after, another loud and whiny moan passing Dan’s parted lips.

~Phil gripped his ass, watching himself slide in and out of the younger male, his hips pushing back against him with each hard thrust. “So good for me baby..” He gripped with both hands, kneading his ass as he sped up his thrusts, steadily slamming into him over and over again, his hips hitting against Dan’s ass with each rough thrust into him.

~Dan was struggling to stay silent, moaning loudly, the whole room smelling of sex, and the only noise to be heard in the whole area his loud, porn star moaning. Phil leaning forward, wrapping his hand around Dan’s throat and choking him. “Shut the fuck up!” He hissed, listening to Dan choke on his own moans, silencing significantly but still sounding beautiful with his symphony of whorish moans.

~Phil kept slamming in, hitting his prostate dead on each time with precision, as if he still knew exactly where to hit to drive Dan wild. “You sound like such a fucking whore all for me baby..” He leaned down to bite his earlobe, smirking. “Letting me fuck your pretty little cunt, making such loud noises for me baby. How did I ever get so lucky?” He praised, listening to Dan have to stifle another loud moan, the pressure on his throat increasing along with his arousal from what Phil was saying.

~Phil tugged down softly at his earlobe, tightening his grip on his throat as he grew closer, the pressure building in his lower stomach. He let go of Dam’s throat, hearing him gasp and moan as he tried to get his breath back. He reached down, wrapping his hand around Dan’s cock tightly and stroking in time with his harsh erratic thrusts.

~Dan cried out, getting louder as the same heat built in his stomach, signifying he was getting closer with every hard thrust against his spot and every harsh tug on his leaking cock. He moaned loudly, hearing Phil let out a soft noise under his breath, coming hard inside of the younger male.

~Phil panted gasping a little as he came hard inside of him, thrusting through his orgasm and feeling Dan tighten around him, the younger male closing his eyes and letting out a long drawn out moan as he came as well, bucking his hips into Phil’s hand to ride out his own orgasm.

~After they had both calmed down they laid against each other, naked and in a small cramped closet, breathing heavy. Eventually they started getting dressed, kissing and saying quick goodbyes since everyone was going to come in soon.

~Dan walked away, a smile on his face and putting his hand in his jumpsuit pockets, feeling a slip of paper in his pocket. He opened it and smiled even wider. “I missed you. Maybe we could do this again sometime?” 


A/N: Alright. I wrote this while my little brothers were all next to me playing video games on my tv. So, I’m going to hell, essentially. I hope you like this! It’s 2.9 k of dirtiness. I’ve been watching OITNB lately so this was written literally bc of that not gonna lie.

anonymous asked:

Hi so I absolutely adore the fics you've posted so far for bmc. It really brings to light the emotions of the characters and it's so well done. If it grabs your fancy, would you consider writing one where Jeremy becomes so delirious (from getting sick or a headache from the squip or something) that he spills all the self-deprecating things the squip told him to say to Michael? It would make my world if that existed, especially in your style of writing. <3

“Is Jeremy here today?” 

“Jeremy’s always Heere.” Michael says automatically without looking up from his phone. Where he is currently texting Jeremy. He’s almost forgotten that there are people actually around him when someone hits him across the back of his head. “Ow what the hell, Rich!

“Don’t even try, you brought that on yourself,” Rich says and the lisp does nothing to diminish the glare he’s got fixed on Michael. 

“If anything you brought that pun on yourself!” When Rich looks like he’s going to hit Michael again, or possibly punch him in the throat for better reach, Michael decides the safest thing is probably to just tell him what’s up. “Alright, yeah no, Jeremy stayed home today. I texted him this morning and apparently he’s sick. I’m gonna go see if he needs anything after school so if there’s anything you wanna tell him I can pass the message along.”

“Nah, I was just wondering since I hadn’t seen him even though I’d seen you.” When Michael only looks confused Rich continues, “Dude. You’re pretty much attached at the hip as much as two people who aren’t actually attached at the hip can be.” 

“You’re over exaggerating.”

“Oh yeah? Is that right?” 

“Yeah that’s right,” Michael says, looking down at his phone again. 

“Just out of curiosity,” Rich says with a suspicious air of innocence, “who’s that you’ve been texting?” 

“It’s-”

“This entire time since I came up to you-”

“I don’t appreciate-”

“and probably the entire day since you found out he won’t be he- at school?”

“Well I can’t just ignore him when he’s sick and miserable now can I?” 

Rich’s responding smirk tells him he definitely just rose to a very obvious bait and probably should have just kept his mouth shut. 


The thing is, Jeremy doesn’t do well when he’s sick. To start it off, he has no self-awareness or any clue at what warrants a sick day at home so it’s a miracle he actually didn’t come to school only to have Michael drag his sniffling and swaying ass home. Michael just assumes that Mr. Heere most likely was awake and forced Jeremy back to bed before taking off to his brand new job. 

Michael doesn’t bother with ringing the doorbell when he gets to Jeremy’s house. He knows the key is under the doormat out front, despite how many times he’s told Jeremy it’s the dumbest place in the world to put the house key (”Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you literally get murdered”, “Michael nobody even gets robbed this part of town!”, “Well there’s a first for everything!”). He unlocks the door, grumbling about safety and mostly lack thereof the entire time before he makes his way up the stairs to Jeremy’s bedroom. 

He hear the coughing before he’s even half-way up. He knocks on the door and shouts a quick “Don’t be naked,” purely out of curtesy, before barging in. 

“Hey Mich-” Jeremy’s raspy voice is cut-off by wet sounding coughs that tear through his body and forces him to turn over on his side so that he won’t choke. 

“Holy shit dude,” Michael says eloquently as he sits down on the bed next to Jeremy’s form. “I got you some cough drops,” he pauses as Jeremy’s cough takes over the conversation yet again, “but I honestly don’t think any cough drops in the world is gonna do shit for you right now.” 

“Ugh…” Jeremy looks up at Michael with wet eyes, “dad got me somethin’” he says and makes a gesture in the general direction of his bedside table where a bottle of something Michael presumes is medicine is residing. “It’s meant to like,” he makes a questionable gesture with his hand, “loosen up the crap in my throat, so that it doesn’t get stuck. Which is great and all but in turn means tha I’m coughing up slime every minute.” 

“Gross.”

“Tell me about it.” Jeremy says with a sigh and rolls onto his back again. Michael reaches out and puts his hand on Jeremy’s sweaty forehead, just to check. He nearly snatches his hand back after half a second and the only thing that stops him is that Jeremy had closed his eyes the second Michael touched him and is now letting out a sigh as if he’s actually remembering to relax for the first time today. 

“Dude, you’re burning up.” He feel slightly concerned now. Jeremy had told him he was sick but this is… a lot more than he had let on while texting. 

“Mm-hm…” Jeremy says, his eyes are still closed and there’s no actual indication that he’s heard Michael at all. Michael strokes his hand across Jeremy’s forehead and ignores the disgusting feeling of sweat clinging to it. It must feel nice to get something cool touching his hot skin. 

“Hey Jeremy,” he says as he strokes his thumb up the bridge of Jeremy’s nose, “I’m gonna go get some damp towels so you can cool down a bit, yeah?” and so he can get rid of some of that gross-ass sweat currently covering Jeremy’s body as far as he can see. Jeremy seems to have tossed his blanket practically across the bedroom at some point to alleviate some of the heat but even in nothing but a tank-top and boxers he looks like he’s going to boil from the inside-out. When he comes back with four smaller towels and a bowl of cold water Jeremy hasn’t opened his eyes and Michael thinks he might’ve fallen asleep. He arranges one of the towels over Jeremy’s eyes and the latter lets out a sigh of immense relief. “Does your head hurt, Jer?”

“Why’re you being so nice…” Jeremy’s voice is weak and it sounds like it hurts to talk. Michael frowns at the words. 

“When am I ever mean to you?” He asks with a scoff.

“You’re just always nice even after what I did.” Michael has to swallow down an automatic feeling of dread. Any reminder of the Squip usually has that affect. 

“We’re past that, Jeremy.” He keeps his voice quiet so he still sounds calm and not at all like his heart is beating out of his chest.

“I still hear him sometimes.” The words are so simple, and said so softly but it still seems like Jeremy is screeching, as though he’s calling out for help. 

“What do you mean?” He desperately tries to keep his voice calm as he sits down next to Jeremy, he wishes he hadn’t put a towel over half of Jeremy’s face now, wishes he could see what’s going on with Jeremy’s facial expression.

“I keep trying to-” Jeremy has to pause for a second as his voice breaks, “I just want to be better than what he said I was.” 

“Jeremy whatever he said it-” Michael’s words are interrupted by Jeremy who seemingly isn’t done. 

“He would always tell me how terrible I was, how I was gross and how everyone else thought so too…” Michael grabs Jeremy’s hand and squeezes it, unsure what else to do. “Fuck he was right. He was always right.” 

“That’s not true…” Michael whispers shifting so that he’s sitting closer to Jeremy, still squeezing his hand tight. 

“I still hear him, and- and sometimes I forget I don’t have to listen anymore!” Jeremy’s voice is shaky and Michael knows he’s crying, “I keep forgetting I don’t have to say it too.”  

“What do you mean?” Michael doesn’t want to know, but if Jeremy needs to talk he’ll listen, he’ll always listen. 

“He’d make me say things-things about myself…” comes the delayed response and this time Michael listens to the urge that’s telling him to remove the towel from Jeremy’s eyes, his headache be damned. He won’t let Jeremy get so caught up in his own thoughts that he doesn’t remember he isn’t alone. Jeremy blinks his eyes open, and Michael notices right away that he was right. Jeremy’s eyes are red and the second the towel is off his eyes start to water and he looks so frightened and so small that Michael wants nothing more than to take all of the bad, horrible things the Squip told him and make them disappear. He knows he can’t though, the best he can do is just sit there, and hold Jeremy’s hand. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” he says softly and brings Jeremy’s hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the sweaty palm, “but I’m here, okay? I’m right here, and I’m listening.” Michael can’t be sure if his words do any good as Jeremy only seems to cry harder, but Jeremy needs to know he’s not alone. It takes a few minutes but after a while Jeremy seems to calm down enough to continue.

“Everything about me makes me wanna die.” Jeremy sniffs and fresh tears spring to his eyes and all Michael can do is gather Jeremy up in his arms and hold him close. “He’d make me repeat that…” Jeremy continues, “and I didn’t- I felt it. He just took things I already thought and felt and made me- I want him gone!” Michael’s heart breaks as Jeremy’s ramble ends in a wail, “I want him gone I want him- he’s still- Michael!” Jeremy sobs and grabs at the front of Michael’s shirt. 

“I’m here. It’s gonna be okay. He can’t do shit anymore. He-it’s just a voice and it’s awful and I hate it but that’s all it is. it can’t do shit to you anymore.” Even as he says it he isn’t sure if it’s true. With Jeremy still sobbing in his arms, he feels powerless and wonders silently if the Squip isn’t already doing shit, or if he’s just done enough damage to last Jeremy a lifetime. 

He pushes the thought away and squeezes Jeremy tighter.