it brought me some peace of mind

64 days in heaven and hell (129)
Day 42, December 3 - Sulky sunflowers
What would you do, if you’d be an artist and had the opportunity to work with an admired fellow painter? Wouldn’t you want to exploit the situation? Create new stuff?
Van Gogh tried to do so for a few weeks. He followed Gauguin’s advice and tried to work from memory and imagination, struggled with Gauguin’s burlap instead of using his familiar canvas, but didn’t feel comfortable with it at all.
On top of that, he was unable to get through to Gauguin, a man with a sizeable ego, who felt more and more annoyed by Van Gogh’s constant criticism and fanaticism.
At the end of November, Van Gogh clearly reverted to his own subjects and technique. Painting the naturalistic portraits of a friendly (and poor) family may have brought him some peace of mind.

But simply copying last August’s “Vase with Fifteen Sunflowers” also feels to me like a statement. Van Gogh’s sulky statement that he refused to explore Gauguin’s ideas and advice any further. 

Vincent Van Gogh, Vase avec quinze tournesols (Still Life: Vase with fifteen Sunflowers), c. December 1, 1888. Oil on canvas, 100 x 76.5 cm. Seiji Togo Memorial Sompo Japan Nipponkoa Museum of Art, Tokyo (F 457, JH 1666)

Prayers?

I know there are 1,000 prayer requests floating around already. I’m here to add another one.

Life is insane. There’s no time to explain everything, so I’ll just list what I am begging your prayers for.

-school & feelings of overwhelmingness
-my parents, who still aren’t open to my discernment
-a priest friend of mine, who’s a young pastor & struggling
-for me to figure out what God wants for my future, and the grace to accept it
-for me to move past feelings of fear and feeling paralyzed
-a friendship of mine that once brought much happiness and is now causing much pain
-i understand i don’t have clinical depression, but i do believe I’m going through a bout of it, as some symptoms are apparent
-for my peace of mind
-I’m having a hard time trusting Jesus and trusting that He will make me happy
-I literally cry so much and am so emotional all the time
-for me to deal with anxiety
-I’m struggling with feeling like prayer isn’t changing anything
-that despite everything, I stay faithful

I know that’s a lot. I know the power of your prayers, which is why I come before you, as a sister in Christ. Thank you and God bless you.