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Please read Surah Taha if you feel down. Read with its translation word to word and reflect on its meaning. You will find so much comfort in the Quran, your heart will soften with His beautiful words. Your heart will find ease only if you let it.

THE QUEST FOR LOVE

Relationships has never been something I’m brave enough to write about, especially in public. The love between a man and a woman to me is very personal. Add religion into the equation and it just becomes very sacred to me. I do not wish to write too long, since I have classes tomorrow at 9am and it’s exactly 4.30am right now. However, I just need to let a few things off my chest because it has been bothering me for quite a while now. Also, due to my hectic schedule, this is the only time I have to write- though I swear to god I’m super sleepy right now

Before we jump into the topic, yes I am single. Have I ever been in a relationship? The answer is also yes. I know how it feels like to love and be loved the same way I know how it feels to be completely shattered. You see, different people have different definitions of love. I strongly believe that the people we fall in love with can sometimes reflect the kind of person we are. For instance, I really value religion, knowledge and ambition. Thus, if i were to marry someone, I look for someone with these exact characteristics. I want someone who has the same goals that I have. Someone who will not only fight with me to succeed in this world, but also in the hereafter. I need someone who works just as hard as I do, not someone who is always tired and only cares about sleep. No more time should be wasted with whiny and lazy ambitionless boys. If you’re serious to pursue a relationship, look for a man.

If there’s one thing a relationship has taught me, it is the importance of maturity when it comes to love. NEVER indulge in a relationship just because it’s a ‘nice’ feeling. If you want to be with someone might as well be with a person who will help bring the best out of you, spiritually, mentally and also emotionally. If the relationship you are in is leading you towards the haraam, leave. No buts. It is just the end of a toxic relationship, not the end of the world. 

By the way people, it is perfectly OKAY to be single. I have been single for over a year now, and wallahi I have never been this happy and I have been achieving so much. I always tell my friends that when you are single, you have 27 hours a day. What it essentially mean is that you’ll have more time for yourself. I know some people who can only seek comfort in the presence of their significant other. After one relationship ends they feel the need to jump into another. Chill people, chill. Take a breather. You don’t need another person to feel sufficient. Try to be comfortable and at peace with yourself with or without a relationship. You have the rest of your life to be spent with your significant other, so while you’re single, might as well really embrace/enjoy it.

Okay last point before I hit the sack, never settle. Ya Allah I can’t stress this enough. Being single is better than being with the wrong person. As they say, it’s better to wait long than marry wrong. If we dont know what we deserve, we will always settle for less. But to deserve more, we should first be more. Build your character before you choose to build a family. Study hard, learn new skills, take up a hobby, read more, travel. There’s so much that can be done when you’re single for your personal development. Take care of yourself. Your health, spirituality, intelligence, akhlak (good character) etc & inshaAllah you’ll get someone who’d do the same for you.

Jim Rohn once said, “The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, ‘If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.’ Now I say, ‘I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me”.

I know this entry is all over the place, but I’m half awake so do forgive me. I hope you find this post helpful. As for me, call me philophobic but I am personally afraid to be in a relationship again. But when the time comes, I hope the guy I end up with will be proud with the lady I have become. If you happen to read this, whoever you may be, please know that not a day passes that I don’t make do’a for you, and for us. Wherever you are in this world, I hope you are also striving to be your best self. May Allah make it easy for us to find our way to each other. See you when I see you!

Ending this cringey post with one of my favorite quotes from Rumi,

‘Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.’

Lots of love,

Aisyah

You believe in a god?

Well, that’s chill. 
I might not agree, but I support your right to your own beliefs. 
You want to go to church every holiday, or every Sunday, or even every day?
That’s chill too man.  I mean, do what you want in your time. 
You want to follow the rules of your religion-not do certain things/do other stuff?
Alright man, follow whatever code/law/moral-religious-personal rules you want to. 

BUT IF YOU TRY TO TELL ME OR ANYONE ELSE THAT WE HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOUR GOD, YOUR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS/RULES, OR PARTICIPATE IN ANYTHING THAT IS BASED OFF OF YOUR RELIGION THEN I WILL GO ON A VERY VERY LONG RANT. 

Bonus- If you try to say your god needs to be in public schools and or that the reason *insert bad societal thing* is because your god isnt in schools, I will also go off on an extremely lengthy rant. 

Thank you, this has been a PSA. 

Things about prayer that I should have learnt a long time ago: 

1. God doesn’t need your prayers. The prayers are for you. Why? Because praying five times a day isn’t merely a pointless ritual; it establishes a routine, a sort of rhythm to your life. It is the one part of your to-do list that you get to check off, even if the rest of your work is unfinished. 

2. Don’t expect some sort of enlightening experience when you pray after a long time. I think that’s what I found most disheartening about prayer, that I didn’t feel a ray of light enter my heart, that I didn’t feel cleansed when I prayed after a long time. Prayer does feel nice, but the “cleansing” the “enlightening” comes after a while and it comes from within. It comes with the stuff you do along with prayer. It comes from the effort you put in to becoming a good person and into becoming conscious of God. 

3. Beating yourself up about missing prayer disheartens you more. Beating yourself up in general is disheartening. Take it easy on yourself. 

4. You’ll never expect it, but one day you’ll be crying in sujood and it isn’t because you’re weak it’s because you’re taking a step towards being stronger. Don’t be afraid to cry in prayer. It’s nice to feel yourself humbled towards God. You don’t have to cry in front of anyone else, but you can sob your heart out in front of God and that’s perfectly okay. 

5. That discomfort you feel about having missed a prayer, is something that you should address. Don’t brush it off. If you brush it off once, you’ll do it again. Go pray. It really is good for you. 

Just a little tip for a great reward:

When you’re getting ready and you put your hijab on. Stop there for a second to say Bismillah before putting it on. Make a firm intention “O Allah, I am putting this hijab on for Your pleasure, I am obeying You as You have commanded me in the Quran to do so, please cover me with Your mercy throughout the day and night. For each and every second this hijab stays on, please reward me with a reward that lasts as long as Your Kingship lasts and my Lord, Your Kingship is such that it will never cease or come to an end whereas everything You have created will come to an end. Forgive me for the shortcomings in me and the sins I commit. The way you protect me in this world, protect me in this hereafter too. Just the way I seek Your pleasure in this world, give me the pleasure of seeing Your face in the hereafter”.

With this, you will earn a great reward for obeying Allah, for every second you wear that hijab, you earn a reward. So imagine wearing it for 12 hours a day, how great would your reward be in the hereafter? It will earn Allah’s pleasure, you will be in His protection and it will increase your love for Him In Sha Allah.

I wish to share something I discovered in 2016, which I find very profound and liberating; It is that God, unlike human beings, will never compare you to anyone else. He’ll only compare you to you. Who you were yesterday, who you are today, and who you will be tomorrow. Your only competition is, well, you.

Allah is not looking for perfection, but simply progress and realistic improvements within ourselves. With this in mind, you don’t have to worry about what people think, how great other people are and instead focus on your own personal (spiritual, physical etc) development, at your own pace. You will learn to accept that Allah has created everyone very differently, and that is okay. I used to have this self-limiting belief in what I can do, especially in UM law school where everyone is just freaking smarrrrt. So instead of ‘I’m gonna try my best’ I say 'there’s no use, there’s always going to be someone better’. I know, dumb and damaging indeed.

But Alhamdulillah towards the end of 2016, thanks to positive and supporting friends, I realized how important it is to have faith, both in God and myself & managed to incorporate a more positive psychological premise. Take it easy, but take charge. Work very hard. And by Allah’s grace and mercy, you will get what you want. He is just waiting to answer your prayers.

2016 was hands down the toughest yet most beautiful year in my life. I had my first ugliest heartbreak, got terribly sick & depressed, restricted to join so many activities & lost the people I love. But I also had my best semester in law school, performed well in class, had the best ramadan in my 22 years, found spectacular friends, bestowed with exciting opportunities and the list goes on. So no regrets. I’ve gotten over grieving on what is not meant to be mine, done crying buckets over things that are not in my control and now just looking forwards to be a better Muslim, and human being as a whole.

Thank you everyone for 2016, I am absolutely blessed beyond measure. Wishing all of you a kick-ass 2017.

With love & admiration,
Aisyah Shakirah Suhaidi