islamic etiquette

In some countries, poorer countries especially, people used to get a bit sad when they had guests, because they had to feed them from their own food which was already scarce.

There’s a saying I read long ago which reminds us beautifully:

“Be not sorrowful of the guest, he eats of his own sustenance, but from your table spread”

Meaning: the food he eats as a guest was never your food, it was always written for him by Allaah, he is just eating his food from your table.

Beautiful.

Asmaa bint Abu Bakr رضي الله عنها

source: ‘ad-Da’wah ilallaah’ (The Call to Allaah), The magazine featuring Women’s Issues. (UK) Vol-1 Issue-5

Asmaa was a woman of great nobility, wisdom and patience. She was among the early converts to Makkah and being the daughter of the great Companion Abu Bakr, she was brought up in an atmosphere of purity and devotion and shared close ties with the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.

When the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam was about to secretly leave Makkah for his emigration to Madeenah with his close friend Abu Bakr, it was Asmaa who prepared the provisions for the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam and her father. She said: “I prepared the provision bag for the Prophet in the house of Abu Bakr when he wanted to emigrate to Madeenah. We did not find anything with which to tie his bag or waterskin. I said to Abu Bakr: “By Allaah, I cannot find anything to tie with except my belt.” He said: “Tear it in two and tie the waterskin with one and the bag with the other.”” So that is what she did and since then she became know as ‘Dhaatun-Nitaaqayn’ [She of the two belts]. (Collected in Sahaah al-Bukhaaree (eng. Trans. Vol.4 p.141 no.222))

Asmaa was married to Zubayr Ibn al-Awwaam, the cousin of the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. He was a very poor man, nevertheless Abu Bakr knew him to be a man of great piety, so despite the huge difference between their financial status, Abu Bakr married his daughter to him. In the initial stages of her marriage, Asmaa has to face a lot of hardship due to the extreme poverty they suffered. Suddenly, this daughter of a rich merchant found herself tending to the animals, kneading, grinding, fetching water and carrying huge loads on her head. She said about her situation: “When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land, nor wealth, nor slave, nor anything else like it, except a camel to get water and his horse. I used to graze his horse, provide fodder for it, look after it and ground dates for his camel. Besides this, I grazed the camel, made arrangements for providing it with water and patching up his leather bucket and kneading the flour. I was not very good at baking the bread, so my female neighbors used to bake bread for me and they were sincere women. And I used to carry on my head, the date-stones from the land of az-Zubayr which the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as o was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allaah’s Messenger sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubayr and his Gheerah (Gheerah is the sense of pride that a man has which causes him to dislike his wives, daughters or sisters from being seen or heard by strangers. It is this gheerah which makes a man protective about his women) and he was a man having the most gheerah. The Messenger sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubayr and said: “The Messenger of Allaah met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it but I felt shy from him and I remembered your gheerah.” Upon this az-Zubayr said: “By Allaah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden to me than you riding with him.”

I led this life of hardship until Abu Bakr sent me a female servant who took upon herself the responsibility of looking after the horse and I felt as if she had emancipated me.” (Reported in Saheeh al-Bukhaaree (eng. Trans. Vol.7 p.111 no.151))

Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa. See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about refraining from what displeased her husband? She knew that az-Zubayr had a lot of gheerah, so she didn’t want to upset him by accepting the Prophet’s offer of assistance, even though that meant bringing hardship upon herself. And what did az-Zubayr say when he heard of what had happened that day?…’By Allaah, the thought of you carrying date-stones is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him!” so even though az-Zubayr had a lot of gheerah, he did not wish for that to cause inconvenience to his wife. Isn’t this what the marital relationship should be like? One of mutual concern, corporation and compassion? Asmaa could easily have said: “I am the daughter of the noble Abu Bakr and so I shouldn’t be doing these jobs!” but she didn’t. she was patient and respectful towards her husband throughout her difficult period.

It is reported that once when she complained to her father about her hardships, he advised her, “My daughter be patient. When a woman has a righteous husband and he dies and she does not remarry after him, they will be reunited in the Garden.”(Reported in at-Tabaqaat of Ibn Sa’d)

And az-Zubayr was indeed a righteous man, as the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam himself testified when he counted him among the Promised ten of Paradise. (See Musnad Ahmad, Abu Dawood and others. Authenticated in Saheehul-Jaami’ (no.50)) He also said of him: “az-Zubayr is the son of my paternal aunt and my disciple from my Ummah.” (Saheeh – Narrated by Jaabir & collected in Musnad Ahmad. Authenticated by al-Albaanee in his as-Saheehah (1877))

In addition to her being the wife of such a righteous man, Asmaa was also the mother of ‘Urwah Ibn az-Zubayr, who became one of the scholars of Madeenah. His teachers included his parents as well as him maternal aunt, the Mother of the Believers, ‘Aaishah radhi’allaahu anha; from whom he learnt a great deal. ‘Umar Ibn Abdul Azeez said about him: “I do not find anyone more knowledgeable than ‘Urwah Ibn az-Zubayr, and for whatever I know he knows something which I do not.” (Reported by adh-Dhahabee in Siyaar A’laamin-Nubalaa’)

His son Hishaam reports that his father’s leg had to be amputated at the knee and was adviced to drink a narcotic, but he refused saying, “I did not think that anyone would drink something which would take away his intellect to the point that he did not know his Lord.” So they took off his leg with a saw and he did not say anything but “Ouch, ouch.” And in the same journey his son Muhammad was kicked to death by a mule and ‘Urwah was not heard to say anything about it but: “We have suffered much fatigue in this, our journey.” [Soorah Kahf 18:62]. O Allaah, I had seven sons and You took one and left me with six, and I had four limbs and You took one and left me with three – so if You have tested me then You have saved me, and if You have taken – You have left (more) behind.” (Ibn ‘Asaakir (11/287))

Her other son was of the Khaleefahs of the Muslims, ‘Abdullaah Ibn az-Zubayr, who was the leader of the Muslims during one of the most turbulent periods in Islaamic history. He was killed in Makkah at the hands of al-Hajjaaj on the 17th of Jumadaa al-Ulaa in 73H. a few days after the death of her sin, Asmaa bint Abu Bakr – ‘She of the two Belts’ – also died – radi’allaahu anhaa.

So many benefits in this narration الله اكبر!

Muslimah goals...💕

THE MUSLIM WOMAN AND HER LORD ❀

  • She worships Allaah alone
  • She regularly prays 5 x a day
  • She prays sunnah and nafl prayers
  • She performs her prayers properly
  • She pays Zakah on her wealth
  • She fasts during the day and prays during the night in Ramadan
  • She observes nafl fasts
  • She performs Hajj and Umrah
  • She is obedient to the commands of Allaah
  • She wears correct Hijaab
  • She does not sit alone with, freely mix with or shake the hands of strange men
  • She does not travel except with a mahram
  • She accepts the will and decree of Allaah
  • She turns to Allaah in repentance often
  • Her main concern is seeking the pleasure of Allaah
  • She understands the true meaning of being a servant to Allaah
  • She works to support the religion of Allaah (Islaam)
  • Her loyalty is to Allaah alone
  • She enjoins what is good and forbids what is evil
  • She reads the Qur-aan and ponders over its meaning often

❀ THE MUSLIM WOMAN AND HER OWN SELF ❀

Her body…

  • She eats and drinks in moderation
  • She exercises regularly
  • Her body and clothes are always clean
  • She takes good care of her skin, teeth and hair
  • She does not go to extremes of beautification or make a wanton display of herself

Her mind…

  • She takes care of her mind by actively pursuing knowledge
  • She is aware and learns from women’s achievements in the field of knowledge
  • She is not superstitious
  • She never stops reading and studying
  • She uses her time wisely and does not fill her mind with soap operas and things that do not benefit

Her soul…

  • She performs acts of worship regularly to purify her soul
  • She keeps company with righteous people and attends religious gatherings
  • She frequently repeats du’aa described in the Qur-aan and Sunnah

❀ THE MUSLIM WOMAN AND HER PARENTS ❀

  • She treats them with kindness and respect
  • She recognizes their status and knows her duties towards them
  • She is kind and respectful towards her parents even if they are not Muslim
  • She is extremely reluctant to disobey them
  • Her mother comes first, then her father

❀ THE MUSLIM WOMAN AND HER HUSBAND ❀

  • She chooses a good husband
  • She is obedient to him and shows respect
  • She treats his mother and family with kindness and respect
  • She endears herself to him and is keen to please him
  • She does not disclose his secrets
  • She stands by him always and offers her advice
  • She encourages her husband to spend for the sake of Allaah
  • She supports him to call others to the religion of Islaam
  • She helps him to obey Allaah and makes it easy when she can
  • She fills his heart with joy
  • She beautifies herself for him
  • She is cheerful and grateful when she meets him
  • She shares his joys and sorrows
  • She does not look at, sit with, freely converse with or shake the hands of other men
  • She does not describe other women to him
  • She tries to create an atmosphere of peace and tranquility for him
  • She is tolerant and forgiving
  • She is strong in character and wise

❀ THE MUSLIM WOMAN AND HER CHILDREN ❀

  • She understands the great responsibility that she has towards her children
  • She uses the best methods in bringing them up
  • She raises them upon tawheed and teaches them to obey Allaah and be conscious of Him from a young age
  • She demonstrates her love and affection for them
  • She treats her sons and daughters equally and does not discriminate in her love, affection and care
  • She does not invoke against her children
  • She is alert and aware of everything that may influence them
  •  She instills good behavior, manners and attitude in them

❀ THE MUSLIM WOMAN AND HER SONS/DAUGHTERS-IN-LAW ❀

Her daughter-in-law…

  • She knows how to make a good choice in selecting a daughter-in-law
  • She knows her place
  • She gives advice but does not interfere in their private life
  • She respects her and treats her well and makes herself approachable

Her son-in-law… 

  • She knows how to make a good choice in selecting a son-in-law
  • She respects and honours him
  • She helps her daughter to be a good wife to him
  • She is fair and never biased in favour of her daughter
  • She deals with the problems wisely

❀ THE MUSLIM WOMAN AND HER RELATIVES ❀

  • She upholds the ties of kinship according to the teachings of Islaam
  • She maintains the ties even with non-Muslim relatives
  • She maintains the ties even if her relatives fail to do so and understands the broad meaning of upholding ties of kinship

❀ THE MUSLIM WOMAN AND HER NEIGHBOURS ❀

  • She is kind and friendly towards her neighbours
  • She adheres to the Islamic teachings regarding the good treatment of neighbours
  • She likes for her neighbours what she likes for herself
  • She treats her neighbours well even if they are not Muslim
  • She puts up with her neighbours mistakes and bad treatments and understands that a bad neighbour is a person who is deprived of the blessing of faith

❀ THE MUSLIM WOMAN AND HER FRIENDS/SISTERS IN ISLAAM ❀

  • She loves them as sisters for the sake of Allaah
  • She knows the status of the two who love each other for His sake
  • She does not forsake or abandon her sisters
  • She is tolerant and forgiving towards them
  • She meets them with a smiling face
  • She is sincere, kind and faithful towards them
  • She does not gossip with or about them
  • She avoids arguing, hurtful jokes and breaking promises
  • She prays for her sisters in their absence
  • She is generous and honours them

❀ THE MUSLIM WOMAN AND HER COMMUNITY/SOCIETY ❀

  • She has a good attitude and treats others well
  • She is truthful and avoids giving false statements
  • She gives sincere advice
  • She guides others to do righteous deeds
  • She does not cheat, deceive or stab in the back
  • She is characterized by shyness
  • She does not interfere in that which does not concern her
  • She does not beg
  • She refrains from slandering the honour of others and seeking their faults
  • She does not show off or boast
  • She is fair in her judgements, even to those whom she does not like
  • She avoids suspicion, backbiting and the spread of malicious gossip
  • She avoids cursing and foul language
  • She is gentle and kind, compassionate and merciful - she does not make fun of anybody
  • She strives for people’s benefit and seeks to protect them from harm
  • She helps to alleviate the burden of the debtor
  • She does not remind beneficiaries of her charity
  • She is patient, easy going and does not bear grudges
  • She is not envious
  • She avoids boasting and seeking fame
  • She is friendly and likeable, light hearted and has a sense of humour
  • She tries to make people happy
  • She is not over-strict
  • She is not arrogant or proud - rather she is humble and modest
  • She is moderate with regard to her clothing and appearance
  • She loves noble things and strives to aim high
  • She honours her guests
  • She prefers others over herself
  • She frequently checks that her habits and customs are in accordance to Islamic guidelines
  • She follows Islamic manners in the way she eats and drinks
  • She spreads the greeting of salaam (assalaamu alaykum)
  • She does not enter a house other than her own without permission
  • She does not converse privately with another woman when a third is present
  • She avoids yawning in a gathering as much as she can
  • She follows Islamic etiquette when she sneezes
  • She chooses the work that suits her feminine nature
  • She does not imitate men
  • She calls people to the truth, and enjoins good and forbids evil
  • She is wise and eloquent when giving da’wah
  • She strives to reconcile between Muslim woman
  • She mixes with other woman and is tolerant with their shortcomings
  • She repays favours and shows gratitude
  • She visits the sick

I highly, highly recommend the book “The Ideal Muslimah” by Muhammad Ali Al-Hashimi to all my Muslim sisters. May Allaah subhaanahu wa ta’aala make us from amongst the best of women, ever.

وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّـهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا ۖ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْيَتَامَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ بِالْجَنبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ۗ إِنَّ اللَّـهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالًا فَخُورًا

“Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masakin (the poor), the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allah does not like such as are proud and boastful;”

(Sūrah an-Nisa, 4:36)

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Woman is ‘awrah, and if she goes out, the shaytaan raises his hopes (of misguiding her). She is never closer to Allaah than when she stays in her house.
—  Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan and Ibn Khuzaymah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Shaheehah, no. 2688

Narrated Abu Hurairah (radhiAllaahu ‘anhu):

“The Prophet (ﷺ) said: 'He who does not thank the people is not thankful to Allah.’”

—  [Sunan Abu Dawud no. 4811. Graded saheeh by Shaykh Al Albani]

Best Way to Teach Children and Call Them to Allaah?

We advise you to teach them the Qur’aan and the saheeh (authentic) Sunnah, and the good manners of Islam, such as honouring one’s parents, upholding ties of kinship, honesty, trustworthiness, etc. 

Make sure that they regularly pray in jamaa’ah (congregation). Also teach them the Islamic etiquette of eating, drinking, speaking, etc. 

If they grow up with these good manners, they will be guided and will remain steadfast, by the permission of Allaah, and they will grow up in a good way that will benefit them and their ummah (community), and you will have a great reward.

From Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 12/261-262

Shaykh al Shinqitee- Healing a hardened Heart

1.       Do a lot of Istigfaar

Shaykh al-islam ibn taymiyyah rahimahullah used to say “issues would be difficult for me, so I would do Istigfaar a thousand times, then Allah azza wa jal would allow me to understand the issue.

2.       Recite more Qur’an, even if you have a busy schedule, even if it requires effort or there’s hardship in doing so, initially the first time will be hard but the second time will be easier and so on.

3.       Look at the rights of others, i.e. maybe you’re disobeying your parents or you’ve hurt your family in some way, this may cause Allah azza wa jal to place a barrier between you and his mercy.

4.       If there are sins that you are continuously committing against Allah azza wa jal then cut them down immediately.

5.       Seek righteous close friends, the seeker of knowledge becomes lazy when he’s alone, a righteous friend will encourage you as you will do for him too.

6.       Try to visit graves so it can remind you of death, everyone’s ending outcome, this is to break ones ego.

7.       Take some time out to take care of the sick and elderly, this also breaks ones conceit.

8.       Read about the Salaf us Saalih, read their biographies as this will revive a high purpose in the hearts of the students of knowledge. It revives the noble characteristics of the Salaf us Saalih and the etiquettes of Islam, this will revive your imaan insha’allah.