islam advice

Concise Advice To Husbands (Part 2)
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A short reminder to brothers inshaaAllaah

4. Respect Her Opinions

Respect her opinions when she advises you and learn to shower her with affection, as this will bring out the best in her. Ask her what she thinks of such and such decision you’re going to make, especially if it affects her as well.

As the man of the house, yes you make the final decision, but it doesn’t mean you don’t consult your wife in the decision making process. And don’t laugh or mock her opinions as this will kill her self-confidence. Moreover, it shows you have no consideration for her feelings, and women don’t like that. Hurting her emotionally is a killer. Women have soft hearts, so pay heed and learn to only say good and nice things.

5. Be Her Best Friend

A woman not only wants a man who is her husband, but she also wants you as her best friend. Someone she can share her secrets with. Someone who is by her side through the ups and downs of life. Show her she is close to you by sharing your joy with her; telling her of your secrets, your happy days, your sad days.

Do not be overly strict with her, and learn to have a sense of humor. Don’t be a boring husband; joke with her, tease her, play with her, but don’t overdo it such that she cannot even have a serious conversation with you when required.

And a part of being her best friend is to not choose your other friends over her. This nicely leads me to point 6.

6. Don’t Choose Your Friends Over Her

Try not to spend more time with your friends as compared to the time you spend with her. Even the time you do spend with her, make sure its quality time. Don’t look at the quantity (although this is also important) but also look at the quality of the time you spend with her. Do things together with her, go for a walk in the park together. Don’t have all your fun time with your friends, and then come home tired and thus ignore her for the rest of the day because you’re “tired”.

If something interesting happened to you during your day, first speak to her about it. Don’t let her feel as if you love your friends more than you love her. And a woman judges the level of love by how much quality time you spend with her and who you go to when you want to talk about something.

If something happened to you during the day, tell her. Share your experience with her, share you day with her, share your life with her. Don’t be a boring husband who doesn’t tell her how your day went. You’re her husband and she wants to bond with you, and one crucial way to do this is to have that emotional bond with her. If something interesting happened to you, then share it with her.

The last thing you want is for her to think you share all your jokes and day experiences with your friends and not with her. The last thing you want is for her to hear you speaking on the phone to your friend about a funny incident that happened during the day, and then when she asks you what happened, you ignore her and say “nothing”, treating her as a fly.

Be Fearless

I have traveled to many parts of the world, alone. It takes guts to travel alone, eat in a restaurant alone, explore a new place alone. However, it is all the more worth it.

In this day and age of feminism and progressive agendas, I am shocked at the response I receive. In several countries (some western countries, too), customs officers have asked how I have the means to travel, who paid for my travel, and why I travel alone. In my life, many family members and friends and acquaintances are also astounded by the fact that I travel alone. Most of the comments I hear are usually, “Why don’t you travel with a man, it is safer”, “I could never do that, I’m too scared”, or “As a woman, aren’t you afraid for your safety?” The most annoying comment I’ve heard, “Get married first, then travel with your husband.”

The people who usually ask these questions are the ones who are raising their girls to be dependent on men. By telling women that they should be afraid and rely on a man for help, what are we really teaching them? And why should I wait to get married to enjoy the benefits of traveling?

Traveling alone brings joys you cannot possibly imagine. It makes you rely solely upon yourself. Plan well, go out and do things. Be fearless, do not let fear stop you from doing that which you love.

You should have a tender heart.

Al-Qasim bin Muhammad said: “We were on a journey with Ibn al-Mubarak, and I was always asking myself: what is so special about this man that he is so famous? If he prays, so do we. If he fasts, so do we. If he fights, so do we. If he makes Hajj, so do we.

One night, we spent the night in a house travelling on the way to Sham. The lamp went out, and some of us woke up. So, he took the lamp outside to light it, and stayed outside for a while. When he came back in with the lamp, I caught a glimpse of Ibn al-Mubarak’s face, and saw that his beard was wet with his tears. I said to myself: “This fear of Allah is what has made this man better than us. When the lamp went out and we were in darkness, he remembered the Day of Resurrection.””

‘Sifat as-Safwah’ (2/330)

If you find it hard to make use of your time my advice is you do the following three things:

1. Offer Qiyamul Layl regularly, constantly asking Allah swt to grant you steadfastness and to place barakah in your time.

2. Have a structure, set out the days where you want to do a certain act, hifdh on Mondays, taajweed on Tuesday, fiqh on Wednesdays etc

(Don’t be overzealous, pace yourself. It is from the tricks of Shaytaan, you start really well and then fade after a week or two 😔 Just little things once a week is a good place to start, trust me. It’s like any sort of training you do, your body and mind takes time to adjust, that’s not to forget, your heart has to adapt, it has to be open to the Mercy of Allah. It’s a gradual process 👍🏽)

3. Constantly renew your intentions, every single day, when you wake up, look at what you’ve written to achieve today, if it’s Salah, reading a certain amount of pages, doing dhikr or learning a new dua. Always ask yourself, why? Why do I want to do this?

Because the answer will always be the same, to earn the Mercy and Pleasure of Allah, so that I may enter into Jannah 😊 May Allah keep us steadfast in the little acts we do, may He place barakah in our time & may he grant us sabr in attaining knowledge ☝🏽️

Ameen.

Being An Obedient Wife
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“If you were to ponder you would realise that the reward for good (i.e you obeying your husband) is nothing but good (i.e, he will in return treat you good). So your obedience towards your husband leads to him being obedient to you in those things that you seek from him, because indeed a pure soul is accustomed to responding to good with good…

So it is incumbent upon you to obey your husband in al-ma’roof. And that which is apparent from the meaning of obedience is to act upon a command and to abstain from a prohibition. You should become as close to him as possible, by seeking to satisfy his wants and needs at all times.

Don’t wait for him to give you a command or to prohibit you from something.

Rather reflect on your days spent with him and on the things he loves and hates, and be quick to carry these things out. Let your actions precede his command and prohibition. For indeed this is a sign of your cleverness and dignity that you hasten towards good before he even commands it of you.

In addition to that, this obedience is something you have to be committed to and firm upon at all times. So if he were to command you with one thing or prohibit you from another thing, then do not wait for him to command you with the same thing each and every time. It is looked down upon by men of intellect that a man has to constantly reprimand his wife saying, do this and don’t do that.

If you know from your husband’s personality that he likes or dislikes a thing, don’t wait for him to command you and prohibit you, because this is from the things that lead to a husband becoming bored with his wife.”

  • Badr bin Ali Al-Utaybee, 20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Her Marriage (p. 26-27)

Word of advice; when things get hard and life gets rough, up your ibadaat (worship). Bring it up a notch; recite an extra page, pray that sunnah you always miss, memorize that one surah, pray a little slower. Shaitan is so close when life brings you to your knees, so bring it up a notch. Take advantage of your trials and tribulations, make it a means for you to get closer to Allah swt, and don’t you dare let shaitan get you while you’re weak.

I have some advice for the young generation who are wanting to become successful in life: become more grateful. Once you do that, Allah says, “If you are grateful, I will surely increase you (in everything).” If you’re having a hard time in math, science, language and whatever else, become grateful to Allah and He will open doors for you. You’ll even get better at basketball and become more athletic. I pray that Allah makes you grateful young people who are examples for others all over the world, ameen.
—  Nouman Ali Khan 

Recite Quran and reflect on it everyday. <3 Here are some tips: 

  • Set aside a few minutes everyday for the Quran
  • Set yourself a goal: recite (with meaning) a min of let’s say 5 verses everyday (it doesn’t have to be a large amount at all)
  • Get yourself your very own Quran with translation if you want. Make it yours, make it personal, make it pretty. It’ll make you want to reflect more, and love it more. Just like in English class we put so many stickies in it, highlight important quotes, analyze them, let’s do the same and better for this Holy book. :) 
    • Eg: Sahih International English Translation with arabic Quran
    • Use highlighters, make a key (eg. blue: signs of Allah, pink: duas)
    • Use stickies to mark parts you love…. & so on.
  • Tips for reflecting: relate the verses to YOU, to your life. Make a separate journal if you want where you analyze the verses and reflect. Write on the margins important things. 
  • Listen to the moving recitation by a Qari if you have time. 

Please feel free list anymore tips below! 

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