I’m Bisexual, and Scared.
There are few things in the world that I’m ashamed or embarrassed about. And being bisexual wasn’t one of them. Yes, wasn’t.
I was in lunch with one of my best friends some time ago. We were discussing TV Shows and when what was supposed to come back on and we ended up discussing Shadowhunters. She knows how near and dear to my heart it is. She asked why this show meant so much to me. I told her simply because of the representation and how important it makes me feel. She knows I’m bisexual. When I first told her, years prior, I wasn’t scared. I was loud and proud with my sexuality. She says to me “Because of the bisexual characters right?” It wasn’t just the bisexual characters, it was everything. I didn’t know how to explain my deep-seated love for this show in a way she, as a straight woman, would understand. I’m not saying straight people wouldn’t understand, she just wouldn't understand my feelings without getting into other topics. She saved me by asking another question, but this question made me question myself. She asks, “but aren’t you scared to tell people you’re bisexual?” She didn’t mean any harm by it. She was just genuinely curious. The bell rang and lunch was over. But I couldn’t leave that question alone. This memory resurfaced because of something I overheard the other day and it just twisted my insides apart.
Was I scared? I had never thought about it. I didn’t think there was any reason to be scared, but deep down I knew I should be.
Honestly? Yes. I am scared. I am terrified to tell people I am bisexual. And I shouldn’t be.
The stereotypes ruin chances of a relationship with someone because I’m “not loyal” or “I’m going to cheat” with the opposite sex. Bisexuals are players or they will never learn to settle for just one person. All of these things, I’ve been old at least twice in my life. It never bothered me before, until she asked if I was scared.
Shadowhunters guided me through those deep-rooted insecurities and showed me that I am bisexual and there is nothing wrong with that. I am not a cheater or a player, and I am fiercely loyal. I connect with Magnus and all the Seelies. Magnus is in the healthiest relationship on the show, and he’s bisexual. Magnus Bane is bisexual, and loyal and loved.
Am I proud of who I am? Yes. Am I scared to tell the world I’m bisexual? Not anymore, and I have Magnus Bane and Harry Shum Jr. to thank for that.
If any of you are struggling with who you are and can’t see a way out, I’m right here. I’m a click of a button away. If you read this far, you are loved. Bisexual, gay, lesbian, straight, etc. You are all loved and I’m here to tell you that you shouldn’t be ashamed of who you are. It may take you a while to see that, but you will. And you’ll fly those colors high in the sky. This was an unplanned rant/post but I needed to say it and Tumblr was the safest place I felt I could go to.