we get it, cute tumblr comics and text posts. there’s no reason to discriminate against aromantics because they just wanna love pizza and go on adventures and not have intimate romantic relationships. if aromantics don’t want romance, they don’t have to have it! everybody wins! except hello, i am aromantic, and that’s not what’s happening.
I have always thought that one day I’m probably going to give in and get tired of fighting the cultural force that insists i will feel “a whole disneyland fireworks show going off inside my body” when i look at a boy. or i will wake up next to a someone one morning and i will feel indescribably complete, etc. I’m not complaining or unhappy about being aromantic, because that’s the point. i feel complete without that disneyland romance. i love platonically and thoroughly and intensely and it’s fulfilling. i only wish it wasn’t so laboring to live aromantically in a daily context. and i wish it wasn’t so damn hard to actually visualize my future void of a romantic relationship as an end game. what is an aromantic happily ever after? and is it wrong to want one?
we are not textbook oppressed as a community. its relatively silent on our end (by nature). tbh I’ve never felt a sense of community as i’ve only sought one sparingly. I have seen it, it exists… weakly by comparison to most lgbt communities, but it exists. and idk. personally, especially lately, it feels like a fight. i can see myself giving up in my early 30’s and resigning to pretend. maybe even convince myself to like it. i will let a boy ~*~sweep me off my feet~*~ and live that routine life because its all i fucking know and its all my parents taught me and its all the media teaches us and what else is there?
lets take a step back. if i consider that bolded statement in the context of, like, any other lgbtq identity, i know i would feel terrible for who ever felt that way. i would get angry and attack our culture for failing on representation and pressuring them to think their sexuality is anything but natural and okay. but because romance is such a fundamental pillar of… every culture i can presently imagine (??? whoa), and most people do not even consider distinguishing between sexual and romantic attraction… my gut doesn’t sympathize with aromantics like it does with pansexuals or bisexuals or transgender people. it just doesn’t. and i am aromantic. and when i think about it like that, it seems significantly fucked up in a way that feels impossible to overcome.
we are left to live authentically anyways. sometimes i like the idea of living an unimagined life, contradicting every story i’ve ever read or watched or been told in my own ~peculiar~ way. but other times it’s like walking alone in an unfamiliar and poorly lit area at night with my phone on 1%. I’m fucking scared.
so not only do i, like every other american university student of the year 2015, struggle to imagine if i will be employed when i graduate and if i’ll follow my major’s career path and what city, country, continent i will live in when i’m 25, 30, 50, etc. … but i also ask if its even possible for me to find someone to grow old with platonically. my gut says “romantic or aromantic, everyone asks if they will ever find ‘the one’”. but the media has told me no, my culture has told me no, and my friends/ family have literally told me no. i have heard “it wouldn’t be fair to your partner” and “good luck finding another aromantic person” and those words make me feel hopeless. will i even want to grow old with someone?? does it contradict the definition of aromantic to want that?? am i destined to become the crazy cat lady?? because that’s the only example of a non-romantic adult i have been given.
if i had to tl;dr, i guess i would say hey, i’m aromantic, and i get that it’s easy to sweep us under the rug. i do it too. but its not all pizza and road trips and transcendental self fulfillment. i am confused because aromanticism is a relatively new term and we have limited info and resources to help us feel valid. i’m angry because nobody talks about it and when they do, its cutesy and dismissive and curt. i want people to be more aware of how our romance dominated culture impacts aromantics everyday, and i do not want anyone who does not feel romantic attraction to grow up thinking they are broken and wrong. been there, still kinda there, it sucks.
sorry my tl;dr was tl. way-tl;dr… i need autocorrect to stop correcting “aromantic” to romantic eveRY TIME.
i want to wear a flowery dress with torn leggings and eyeliner and a leather jacket as black as the souls of my enemies, but i want to wear jeans and a t-shirt and bare feet and hair as free as my laughter, but i want to wear dresses made to rule a country of old souls in and skin like majesty and shoes full of promise, but i want to never climb out of my pajamas do you see my dilemma