so i woke up this morning after a late night last night and found this file under the name “SMOOTH CRIMINALS.WAV” on my desktop and i dont know how it got there. i have no recollection of making this but i hope you enjoy.
Viraha - want or the realization of love arising from separation
Tired and weary down to my soul, I return to the city and to work early the next morning. Part of me wishes that I could call in sick. Forget about facing all people and wallow in my sorrow for a few days. I’d hardly call myself recharged as I drag myself through a shower and prepare to face the day. At least it’s only a half day with students, the last half dedicated to another form of torture – Parent Teacher Conferences.
Somehow, I survive it and trudge home, dreaming of stew and crusty bread on order from Sae’s and a hot bath. I drop my bag on my kitchen table and pull out my phone. The number is programmed and I have the menu memorized by now. Once my food is on its way, I set the phone down, thinking I’ll grab a quick bath to warm up before the food arrives in thirty minutes, but something small and shiny on the table catches my attention.
What would vets and 104th do if Mikasa had to kiss them? And how would they react when she does so?
Reiner: “Oh shit! This is gonna be good!” Bertholdt: “Mark me down as scared and horny” Annie: “I dare you!” Eren: “Uhm, okay…?!” Jean: “Yes, please!” Marco: “Ah, so gentle!” <3 Sasha: “Are you really gonna… ?! yeah… okay…” Connie: “So, my last will is….” Historia: “Are we gonna use tongue or what?” Armin: Appreciates it, because he knows Mikasa is a soft and sensitive bean Ymir: “Kiss me? Yeah, you can kiss my ass!” Levi: “No thank you.” Hanji: “Yay Kisses!” Erwin: “I guess one kiss is okay” Nanaba: Would prefer if the kiss wasn’t so forced Mike: Would give her a peck first and call it a day Moblit: “You won, I peed myself”
Summary: An unexpected turn in your relationship with Bucky sends you on a journey that will hopefully find you back home one day.
A/N: Hello everyone, I just wanted to start out with how thrilled and honored I was to have all of you read my new story. I am still getting the jitters from it all. Sorry it took so long but here it is. This chapter is more of a stage setter for what is to come and no bucky we catch up with where the reader is now.
“When did this start between you two? How long has it been? Did it gradually come to be or did it just hit you one day? I asked if you had ever thought about the others, in a I-could-possibly-date way. Wait, was that when it all began? You actually thought about it and realized she would be better for you. I shouldn’t have asked, I mean I was so happy that you chose me over them but I brought this on myself didn’t I?“
“Can’t you just tell me? Answer me, dang It! Do I now mean so little you can’t even give me a proper answer. I love you with everything I have in me, but that’s not enough for you is it? I wanted to believe that this would last forever but….“
Two weeks that’s how long it had been since you left. The road had taken you out through several states till you stopped at a quaint town. Big enough that you could get confused but small enough for people to know almost eberyone and of all things it was call Normal, Illinois, because heavens knew you could use all the normal you could get. You managed to snag a place to stay at least for now and a job as well. Lucky for you the college had just gotten out so you found a room to rent for the next 2 months before school came back.
It’s funny how in the movies people can just up and run away from their previous lives but not for you. The one plus side was that You could avoid all other text and calls from the team. It also kept your mind off if him. You spent part of your car ride on the phone with your boss telling, well lying that you had a family emergency that would take you away for a while. Luck struck again as she gave you the two months you asked for. The only problem now was your apartment. You couldn’t afford 2 rents. The rent in normal was about half it was in new York but still. This had taken quite a few more phone calls until you found a few friends that wanted to rent it out for a couple weeks at a time. It would be risky especially if they cancelled but you had a smidge of faith left that it would work out.
Now that you were at least for the foreseeable future to remain here, you focus on your new job, mostly because the other option is soul sucking grief. It was a standard retail job in Uptown Normal, a little boutique that sold nic-nacs. It got you through the day and you made money. You threw yourself into it taking extra shifts and doing whatever necessary for the job. Anything to keep you from going home at night.
The problem now was the nights, with nothing to occupy your thoughts, no tv or computer, you focused on what had happened. You had thought maybe the whole thing was a misunderstanding that Bucky would chase after you and explain. As each day went by your hope faded piece by piece. You weren’t hiding you still used your credit cards, your drivers license, he could find you, any one could find you. But no one came, you must have been right in everything you said. You would have at least expected one of the others Steve or Tony at least, but you guess that was too good to be trhe friendship as well. How did this happen you had always prided yourself on being a decent judge in character, but apparently not the people you were those closest to you.
It turns out it was good you left. You would feel bad for ever forcing yourself onto others. When you thought this there was a knock on the door. Your head jerked up, zeroing in on the door, you weren’t expecting any one. Maybe it was a simple case of wrong door. Again the knock, but this time it was followed up with, ”(Y/N), I know you’re in there please just open up.“
Gah, it was Steve. You start to have a mixture of feelings the first was surprised, he had come to get you. You were great friends so why not but you would have thought he would stay with Bucky, support him in this time. This led to sadness, tears picking your eyes because Bucky couldn’t even come himself, he must have sent Steve. Which then provoked anger, that stupid pompous man couldn’t even take the time to come find you and fix things himself. When that thought hit you, grief ran through you wrapping it’s way through, making your limbs heavy and your breathing shallow.
That was it Steve had come to say that Bucky didn’t want you back that you could stay right where you were. Far away from him, he didn’t need some has been hanging around his new girl. Once more the knocking began, “I’m coming in we need to talk."
With that he quickly dismantled the lock and stepped in. You stare at him while he approaches, but as he gets closer you get scared you didn’t want to hear it. No you could move on right now, you could pretend this whole thing never happened. You scoot away from him whimpering slightly and shaking your head.
"Whoa hey, I just want to talk.” He raises his hands, halting all forward movement.
“No,” you shudder out, your voice weak. “I know what you want to say and I don’t want to hear it. I get it he doesn’t want me. I’ll stay away I promise.” At this point your voice has broken and tears run down your face. You keep shaking your head keeping Steve at bay.
Steve heart breaks even more, his friend has done a real number on this girl. You were still huddled against the wall but now you had your hands over your ears, refusing anything he had to say. He sighed, kneeling down before you and wrapping his arms around you pulling you to his chest. For a moment, you resisted pushing against him, didn’t work very well as he continued to hold you in place.
Finally you fell into him allowing his comfort, you start to cry, aobs that wrenched through your body. For you it was finally accepting everything that had happened to you. Taking in every feeling that you had held back through this whole thing. All this time you had refused to accept them, that everything that was happening you deserved, so you didn’t have the right to feel emotional about it. You were though, sad, angry the basic but fierce emotions held you. All you could do was cry while Steve held you.
Eventually the tears took their toll rendering you exhausted and quickly sliding into sleep. Steve felt you go limp against him. Glancing down he took in the tracks from the tears on your face, carefully wiping a few more away. He couldn’t even imagine what you were going through, he knew in some sense, had seen and talked with you, about how much Bucky had meant. You had discussed hopes and dreams, what the future would look like and how much Bucky had changed you for the better. To have all that taken away would make anyone’s heart shatter. He still didn’t fully understand what would make Bucky do this to you.
You shiver slightly more from the lingering fear than the cold. He finally took in the apartment while looking for a blanket to wrap you in. It was sparse to say the least you hadn’t taken much with you when you left. A small studio, no bed, no dresser just an open suitcase with your clothes spilling out of it. In your haste you hadn’t taken what you needed just enough to escape. From the info they had gathered they learned about your new situation and from what they could see you didn’t plan on coming back to New York anytime soon.
He scoops your legs up draping you over him, but still firmly in his grasp. He pulls the blanket from your small blowup bed and wraps you in it. Looking down once more, he knows you intend to stay but not if the team and him have anything to do with it.
Lifting his hand up he whispers, “Guys, we have things to do. Let’s get started."