I have, the Worst tension headache rn. I cant even sleep through it so I’m just sort of laying here in the dark, squinting at my phone and trying to respond to IMs until the horse tranquilizer sized ibuprofen kicks in and hopefully I’ll pass tf out and wake up 8 hours later feeling refreshed.
So this song makes me want to cry no matter what context. So here is some Reddie for you (song lyrics bolded and italicized)
We’ll do it all. Everything. On our own It was Richie’s last night at Derry. It was the end of junior year. It would be hard to go to a new school as a 17-year-old senior. It would be even harder to leave Eddie.
We don’t need anything. Or anyone Richie didn’t need anything he didn’t have, and he definitely didn’t want many things, but he needed Eddie, and he wanted Eddie.
If I lay here. If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world? “It’s my last night here,” Richie addressed the Elephant in his small, now empty room.
“I know,” Eddie swallowed a lump in his throat forcing his feelings down.
“Let’s go to the quarry and look at the stars,” Richie suggested. He wanted his last night to matter. To be memorable.
“Such a romantic,” Eddie replied sarcastically, but went and retrieved his shoes.
I don’t quite know how to say, How I feel Richie laid down beside Eddie. His heart fluttering, his stomach uneasy. They had many nights like these, but they were always playful, but tonight felt like he was drowning. He didn’t want to leave. He loved this, he loved Derry, and he loved him.
Those three words are said too much, They’re not enough Yeah… he loved him. It wasn’t a secret he denied anymore. But “I love you” wasn’t enough to describe his emotions. His emotions were indescribable.
Forget what we’re told before we get too old Eddie was told being gay is wrong. It would send him to hell. But he was gay and he suspected he was already going to hell, so why not go in a handbasket and flipping the bird. Now was the best time to confess to Richie. If Richie didn’t share the same feelings, then Eddie wouldn’t have to see him again and live in Derry heartbroken.
“I love you,” Eddie managed to get out past his dry throat and tongue that felt too fat for his mouth.
“Why do you say that?” Richie asked simply, looking at Eddie, his tone careful.
“You’re leaving me! And I don’t care anymore! okay! I love you and I don’t want you to leave me!” Eddie started feeling upset.
“Damn… I love you too Eds.”
“No, I love you like, more than a friend. Okay? I have a crush on you!” Eddie wondered how dense Richie’s head actually was. Wondered how many cigs it took to cloud his view on obviousness.
“I know… I love you too Eds,” Richie whispered.
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life Eddie felt his heart burn like fire with emotions. Happy emotions, sad emotions, angry emotions. It was easy to be angry. It was self-defense to keep him from crying. Richie hugged Eddie to calm him down. He had a gut-wrenching feeling it may be the last time he ever held his childhood friend and crush.
Let’s waste time, chasing cars, around our heads It was early morning, Eddie and Richie talked things out. They cried and they laughed the mood lightening. It was only mere hours before Richie would be in the back seat of a car, leaving Derry behind with all his childhood memories
I need your grace to remind me to find my own “You kept me from falling off the deep end,” Richie sat up, looking at the first hints of light hitting the water below. Giving off a beautiful glow. The reflection of the water reflecting off the rock cliffs.
“How?” Eddie asked.
“I couldn’t have made it without you Eds. Without any of the losers. But you… you were always there. Your optimism is what kept me going.” Richie smiled to himself.
All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes “I couldn’t be this strong without you. You showed me I could be strong.” Eddie confessed himself.
“Well you were strong,” Richie replied, shrugging.
“I wouldn’t be the person that I am without you.” Eddie inched closer to Richie, their legs touching now.
“Well I am perfect.” Richie laughed, flipping his hair back dramatically.
They’re all I can see, I don’t know where, confused about how as well They became serious, looking at each other, at their eyes, their lips, their chest breathing deeply. They talked for hours, telling each other how much they appreciated and loved each other, clear about their feelings, yet they were still confused.
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
“You moving, that’s not going to change our friendship, will it?” Eddie asked, scared of the response.
“I hope not. I don’t want to leave you,”
“Think we’ll see each other?”
Richie’s heart swelled, he didn’t know. “I don’t know eds… hopefully one day.”
If I lay here. If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world? Eddie took the leap of faith first. He leaned in, pressing his lips lightly to Richie’s. It was what he dreamed of many times. He just imagined it in different situations. He felt Richie’s hand travel to the back of his neck and pull him in closer. Eddie held his hands onto Richie’s face to calm himself. This is what he wanted.
“You have to leave soon.” Eddie pulled back first. It was easier for him to disconnect first.
“Fuck it. Let’s forget the world for another hour.”
Richie kissed him again.
They laid there, for hours, holding hands. Richie had one hand under Eddie, holding him tightly to him. In his other hand, he held Eddie’s hand in his, stroking his thumb with his, resting their hands on his stomach.
“I have to go” Richie sat up, tears threatening to spill, yet he gave a grin, “See you later Eddie spaghetti,” he smiled pretending like hed see him in a couple hours instead of potentially the last time.
___ Like it? Send in a song and I can write something revolving around the lyrics! I’d be happy to do so
Hi love! My favorite tip is to treat yourself as you would a best friend, and always check any of the negative thoughts that run through your head - if you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, replace it with a better one. I could go on and give you all my tips but my dude @agirlnamedally lays them all out better than i ever could here, here, and here. Hope this helps💛 💛
You really cant be depressed in a hispanic household. You cant lay in bed and be depressed at all your ass would be dragged out of your bed and put to clean for 4 to 5 hours. You going to be depressed and cleaning at the same time.
god though… chyler so openly talking about kissing girls irl like it just makes me so happy? she’s so fine with saying it, and saying it didn’t just happen once. and it isn’t a joke or something to just get a laugh, it’s actually something that happened in her life and she’s totally chill actually talking about it and doesn’t make it weird or make it some “sensationalist” kinda thing even if it only happened a few times and it didn’t change her life
and her saying the word lesbian, too. constantly calling alex a lesbian, not just gay. that makes me so happy to hear because she’s so ready to just say it. and most people don’t? they shy away from it like it’s a dirty word because society has programmed us all to feel that way. but it’s a beautiful word and a beautiful thing to be and her saying it so much and as often as she does makes me happy
anyway, chyler leigh makes me happy no matter what she does because she never does anything wrong or bad and is so supportive and amazing and beautiful… god i love her