is this too late for this joke

“How Many ____ Does it Take to Fix a Lightbulb?” Marching Band Edition

(I got this idea from the guy who was taking our photo at BoA, he was telling us some while the color guard were running late)


Colorguard Members: 5, 6, 5, 6, 7, 8 (its not that good it’s one the guy told us 😂)


Flutes: they’re probably crying over the broken lightbulb too much to fix it


Clarinets: they’re too short to fix it


Saxophones: only one but only if they can focus


Low Woodwinds: they’re building a shrine to always honor the broken lightbulb


Trumpets: one, but it takes all of them to brag about how much better they could’ve done it


Trombones: they’re the ones who broke it


Mellophones: probably the only section that will actually fix it well


Baritones: lEtS mAkE a MeMe oF tHis


Sousaphones: also making a shrine, but with more memes


Drum Majors: they’re the ones telling everyone to fix it


Drum Line and Front Ensemble: They may or may not have assisted in the breaking of the lightbulb

look I know rhett and link are trying but I’m tired of their heteronormative bullshit…. like rhett saying they’re like husband and wife in that q&a post, and other things I can’t really remember right now. like…. their executive producer is a fucking lesbian and they have a lot of other queer people on their crew so they don’t really have an excuse. I know they’re older and grew up in the south, but again, not an excuse.

also on a related note I’d love if rhett stopped acting like not offending people was a fucking chore. it’s getting real old. I know it’s partially a joke but like. we get it. you think millennials are dumb and get too offended about things. great joke.

tbh rhett has just kinda been annoying me lately with this bs. it’s like he’s saying offensive things on purpose and it’s just not funny. at all. it may just be the writers but idk. I’m annoyed. I love him but damn I know he’s better than this, I’ve seen how funny he can be without resorting to offending people on purpose because it’s “”””funny”””” (it’s not)

rant over ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

go ahead and disagree with me, but keep it civil please.

ARMY 4th: BTS ROLLING PAPERS TO EACH OTHER:

Jungkook’s rolling paper by the members: 

Namjoon: You have no mental sharpness but you are good looking. You are like the main character of an anime. you have so much passion. your eyes and body are massive. You really love Muji Tea. Number 1 at making our team’s average age younger. Jeon Jungkook <3 the ‘guk’ (Broth/soup) that I love the most? Bean paste soup ~ <3

Jin: Jungkook turn on your speakers quieter at home. Come with me to the water park again. Let’s not forget (to go)

Yoongi: Jungkook you are trying to write music lately. If you have something you don’t know, use the internet. I am not a professor/genius. To be honest. I am too lazy to help you hahaha. I’m joking. I will help you a lot. So gain strength. Hwaiting!! (a cheering)

Hoseok: Jungkook-ah!!! Turn down the volume of the speakers in our dorm. I can hear it even in my room. -_- You pig!!

Jimin: Just continue growing up like you have until now. Just don’t grow up taller. Just grow up kind.

Taehyung: Jungkook-ah. It’s hyung … really I’m hyung (He is saying that he is older than him) … you became nicer and gentler lately. *acting cute* let’s have fun/play together.

Taehyung’s rolling paper by the members

Namjoon: You are so loud when you play (computer)  games. you bother me but I also snore so I understand you. You are the best looking these days. You are like a farmer. You were born as an idol. You are glued to Gucci. you are so innocent/pure. You have no mental sharpness (not able to catch into things quickly) but you are so cute. So lovable. Kim Taehyung <3 the 'hyung’ that I love the most? a-hyung <3

Jin: When you’re playing games please be a little bit quieter. But you have become brighter these days and that makes me very happy. I hope you make the world brighter with your brightness.

yoongi: It’s right that you do everything to the best of your abilities.try your hardest. It’s right that you play games very passionately. Since you do everything very passionately, let’s passionately enjoy music and games too. Hwaiting.

Hoseok: taehyung-ah hyung always loves you ~~ <3 <3  stop sleeping with the air conditioner on. You will get sick ~ <3 <3 stop playing games so much ~ <3 <3 study with hyung instead <3 <3

Jimin: I don’t know since when but you seem to have become more like an adult, but you are also always like a kid (satori). My friend, stop playing games so much before I go throw your computer away. Wake up when I wake you up my friend. I will shove my hands in your armpits. (drew V as the heart figure he always draws himself as). thank you my friend (In tiny letters).

Jungkook: V hyung! Hyung, stop biting me it hurts so much I am going to die. I always feel this way but you are so good looking.

Jimin’s rolling paper by the members

Namjoon; You are sometimes cunning but also sexy, short, attractive when you dance, you always work so hard, you like billiard, you changed the most, but you aren’t obvious Chimchim <3 THE 'Chim’ (acupuncture) that I like the most? Poison acupuncture. 

Jin: Jimin-ah you are an angel. I will do a three lettered acrostic poem using your name. park: In park’s family something good happened. Ji: You are a very cool friend. Min: Min Yoongi 

Yoongi: Jimin you are always doing things to the best of your abilities and that’s so charismatic. Let’s be together for a very long time. I applaud your hard work. thank you.

Hoseok: Jimin-ah our Jiminie who is the most attractive in the entire world ~~ <3 <3 when you go back to our dorm today, please clean the things on your desk ~~<3 <3 have strength!!

Taehyung: Jimin-ah~ even if you do aegyo (act cute) to my eyes you are not cute at all ~ do it to a certain amount ~ but when I see that cuteness thank you *acting cute* 

Jungkook: jimin hyung! be thankful that you are older than me. I am kidding, hyung you are always shining!!! Rice cake (jimin’s nickname) forever!!!

Namjoon’s rolling paper by the members:

Jin: Mon-ah I pick up a lot of things that you drop on the plane for you. I wonder how you have so many friends that are like moms around you. But you are cool.

Yoongi: Our eternal leader Rap Monster. Even though I don’t say it I respect you a lot. please always gain strength hwaithing. Thank you.

Hoseok: My center!! My supportive friend Rap Mon!! Namjoon~~~should we go for chicken and beer??

Jimin: A person that drops everything x 18. Stop dropping your phone hyung. You look so cool when you do solo stages. You are the number 1 coolest person when you are on stage. When you are off stage you are the number 1 dummy.  

Taehyung: Watching our leader who’s always cool, I learn something every day. Continue teaching me composing and producing and stop dropping things ~!! Kim Namjoon is the awesome and the best looking.

Jungkook: To RM. you are sleeping behind me right now and you look very very handsome. please continue showing us your cool side <3

Hoseok’s rolling paper by the members

Namjoon: You are often like a horse, but you pull us like a horse. You are like an angel 1004-9 (sounds like “you’re like an angel” in Korean). the most professional. When I see you my heart feels at ease. you dress nicely. Your shoulders got bigger. You’re very neat. You work hard to make songs lately. The point of our choreography. Jung Hoseok <3 the 'seok’ that I like the most is? Kim Jiseok hyung <3 (making a joke about liking another actor with 'seok’ in his name)

Jin: Hoba, your existence guides/leads my path. you teach me dancing and if I’m about to go down the wrong path you yell at me. You are scary :( I’m sorry I was wrong :(

Yoongi: Your bright energy always gives us hope. I hope you always stay bright and hopeful.

Jimin: You are a cool hyung whether it’s on stage or off stage. you’re such a perfect roommate that people who use their bedrooms alone don’t make me jealous. Sometimes you’re really like an adult and sometimes you are such a silly hyung. You are a hyung that always goes shopping with me. you are a hyung that’s brighter than anyone but also a hyung that gets tired faster than anyone. you are a hyung that loves seafood that I can’t eat. you are a hyung that’s always always loud. You are a hyung that always makes fun of me but also tells me that I’m cool. let’s not be sick.

Taehyung: Hoseok hyung you are someone that makes me laugh. You are someone that gives me joy. you are a hyung that takes care of me. I’m always thankful and I love you. Our hope.

Jungkook: Hope hyung. You are always a bright energy! Thank you for always making the environment happy. I’m catching up to your producing!

Yoongi’s rolling paper by the members: 

Namjoon: I wish you would gain some strength. when I look at you sometimes, you really are good looking. You are often very attractive lately. Your body is very weak, you are like a grandpa. I don’t know since when but you started wearing only black clothing. You got a bit more tanned so you are like brown sugar now. Your music is cool. MinSuga who is important to BTS <3 The 'ga’ that I like the most is? Shim Chunga (an old Korean folk tale)

Jin: Yoongi-ah you are my roommate, even when we marry let’s live together and be roommates how is that? 

Hoseok: Suga hyung!! I always have a thankful heart towards you ~~ <3 <3 I am also thankful for the gift you gave me recently <3 <3 <3 I anticipate you hyung ~~<3 I will give you a birthday gift this time ~ !! <3

Jimin: It makes me happy seeing you laugh often. Always stay this way. Don’t faint when you get older and do extraneous activities. you are very attractive when you perform these days.

Taehyung: A hyung that is pretty doing many things, and smiling. Don’t be sick, always be healthy, and make only good memories. The best smile angel of the universe Min Yoongi hwaiting (cheering)

Jungkook: suga hyung. let’s go eat lamb skewers one day. let’s lose weight first though!!!

Jin’s rolling paper by the members

Namjoon: Your mental age is like 2.6 years old, but you love eating. When you drive, when you play the guitar, when you are good at things at times, you are the most attractive. Your age worth is -99999999 won. You are often cute. You were a lot more attractive when we debuted, but you are still good looking. Kim Seok-jin <3 the 'jin’ that I love the most is? Crane wing formation (in Korean)

Yoongi: Jin hyung please act your age … I’m joking. It’s fun seeing you so bright lately! Thank you!!

Hoseok: Jin hyung that I love. I’m so glad that you are the oldest hyung in our team ~~~ !! please act your age though!!~<3<3

Jimin: I’m thankful that you are you. You’re the funniest out of all of us. I think this often lately, but you’re really good looking. You’re also like an old man though … also like a child … also like a fool … also like an angel … Thank you hyung.

Taehyung: Jin hyung please come back to the time when you were good looking~!! Now *sigh* .. never mind .. I like you. also, hyung you match short hair a lot. everything Jin does is good. have strength always!

jungkook: Jin hyung … It’s so tiring stooping to your level but when I see you it’s so fun and joyful … please remain that way. Aja! Aja! hwaiting (cheering).

Cr rosoidai 
That took me like forever to write. Hope you enjoy it ^^ @mimibtsghost

Immortals, Long Cons, and the Building Fury of the Art History Department

I’ve mentioned my favorite art history professor to @systlin a few times, but there’s one story of him that stays with me. So for you, Plant Aunt, I’ve crafted a tale of one immortal spitefully making sure another immortal finally gets his:


The running joke among David’s students is that our beloved professor is clearly an immortal. How else could we explain his small office crammed with illuminated manuscripts, Scythian and Mongolian bows, 3rd cent. Roman gladii, near-Eastern rugs and ancient swords? The way he sighed wistfully in class and told us how beautiful the Parthenon was when it was new and, “not just a damn tourist attraction”? It wasn’t uncommon for us to see him hefting a sword over his shoulder, leather trench coat flapping in the wind, flipping off the head of security who really should have stopped trying by now.

It was also a running joke that our favorite immortal just did not get technology. I worked at our Help Desk for all four years of college, and David would always request one of his students to come and fix his computer. 

“This computer isn’t fast enough,” he told me once, polishing an enameled chalice. Google maps was still loading on the page, trying to parse the coordinates he entered. It was likely looking ten centuries too late. “It needs more of that RAM. Really. I could be soaring over ancient Rome like a bird!”

After repeat requests, he got a brand-new Macbook Pro, which he promptly abandoned for his antique slide projector. 

“I just don’t get the new technology,” he shrugged. “You can’t get the feel of things.” 

That was the only sentiment he shared with his nemesis. 

Keep reading

Watch how he treats waiters and speaks to his sister and acts when you win your third round of spit. Does he untangle Christmas lights with care? Fuck this. Hold that. Make sure you listen. When you’re late –overtired and dead in the eyes– watch him. Does he draw you close and talk you into slow dancing around your shoebox bedroom? Tell him a joke and wait for his lungs to bleed laughter. If they don’t, you should leave. Or stay and watch him cook dinner and fold laundry. Flip pancakes. Touch your underwear and sigh. Oh! Kids and dogs, too. Puppies, preferably. These are good indicators. Does he dip low to greet them? Small things might scare him, and if they do, you should leave. Or don’t. Or tiptoe around him until the tension erupts. Storm Warning. Code Red. Listen to him sing in the shower. Billy Joel. Elton John. Elvis, but only around Christmas time. Forgive, but don’t forget. And fuck. All the time. Don’t ever call it making love. That's idiotic, and you know it. Do it in your childhood bed after your parents fall asleep. Just once and only for the adrenalin. A quickie. A never have I ever completed. Afterwards, tell him about the time you lost your virginity to James Nelson in the backseat of his mom’s mini van. Tell him you think you were too young, but mean you wish you could take it back, and let him see you bare for a moment.  Let him kiss you hard like he’s trying to tell you something, but don’t make any assumptions. He could be too drunk, after all. He’s always too drunk. Have the kids talk, the marriage talk, the my side of the bed talk. If you survive all of this, you should stay. Unless you say, “We need to talk,” and he squirms. This is cruel, but ultimately effective. Or maybe try, “I love you.” This, I warn you, is even crueler. When he says it back, ask why, and listen as he hands you pebble after pebble of ego. Don’t be fooled. You can still leave. That’s still an option. Clothes thrown haphazardly into a suitcase- his or yours, you honestly can’t remember. You say you want more, and he asks of what. It’s ok not to know, but even if you do know, don’t you dare clue him in. For once in your life play hard to get. Watch him watch you half-way through the threshold of something brand new. Does he cry? Not now, necessarily, just ever. If he didn’t cry when you watched The Titanic, you should leave. Unless he’s crying now. Which he is. Holy shit. Unpack your bag slowly, sock by sock, and let yourself wonder if you’re making the right decision. Let your heart break a little for the other side of the coin. Does he care about people? Not just you, but people. Humanity. Peace on earth. But then, okay, does he care about you? Enough, I mean. Does he care about you enough? He’s here now, and he says your name like a prayer, like a curse, like a thing he thought he’d lost in the fire. And then he’s mad as hell. Wait for him to clench his fists and practice patience. Push his buttons if you like, but don’t expect him to play nice. Sleep on the couch, just for a night, and hold on tight when he carries you back to your bed, his bed,  in the middle of the night. Don’t bring it up in the morning. He’ll just blame it on your sleepwalking, and that’ll spark another fight about nothing. And by nothing I mean everything. Watch him pour your coffee a week later and add two sugars and a cream, just how you like it. Does he still pray under his breath right before bed? Listen to the way he says, “Amen,” and compare it to the way he traces your brow when he thinks you’re still asleep. He’s too proud to act that way in front of his parents. Or anyone else, for that matter. Look through his drawers, top to bottom, and swallow the thrill that arises when you find the crumpled love note you once left on his desk at the job that he quit last year. Remember the way he used to call you darling. Mourn for a moment, only a moment, the way he used to be. And watch him that night, stroking the cat you couldn’t leave at the shelter, and let yourself wonder what life might be like without him. If the answer scares you or excites you or makes you tuck your feet up under your legs, stop. Breathe. He’s staring at you, waiting for answers. Scoot a little closer. You know what to do.
—  on falling in love and falling apart 

For @mellie-art whose artwork made me feel all emotional and induced an urge to do a quick Killing Joke tribute before sleep. Ow, and it’s 3 am…

idk when we’re releasing this but my god does the chapter cover make me laugh LOL