I want to write a superhero story where everything is entirely stereotypical except the hero, hero’s girlfriend, and the villain are all entirely aware of it and state the fact that it’s stereotypical numerous times.
“And then I’ll-”
“Why are you telling me all your evil plans?”
“I’m a super-villain, aren’t I? That’s what I’m supposed to do when I have you kidnapped. Then your hero bursts in,” the hero opens the door, “and my plans are revealed to the world. Why are you laughing? Stop laughing. I’m a good super-villain.” And then the hero whacks villain over the head and they escape.
Except then I want it to end with the hero and the love interest realising they never actually liked each other they just wanted the story to go with the stereotypical plot and the hero falls in love with the villain and the love interest realises they had villainous potential the whole time and ends up the villain the hero and original villain have to fight off. Dunno who wins that bit then.
Also there has to be a discussion at some point about how uncreative the name Metro City is, possibly ending with a new name for it. Maybe similarly uncreative.
rick and morty: the rickshank redemption sentence starters
– spoilers ahead if you have yet to watch this episode! i also kept in a bunch of quotes about the damn szechuan sauce just to make myself laugh.
‘ anyway, that’s how i escaped from space prison. ’ ‘ i just got my sixth promotion this week and i still don’t know what i do! ’ ‘ it’s great to have you back no matter where we are, but wouldn’t you like to go home? ’ ‘ get out of the booth, take all your clothes off, and fold yourself twelve times. ’ ‘ you cheap insect fucks didn’t think i was worth your best equipment? ’ ‘ relaxed, enough? ’ ‘ he is the smartest man in the universe. ’ ‘ well, when you’re not sure what you do for a living, you can make your own rules. ’ ‘ you’ve hardly touched your pills. ’ ‘ stop saying his name. he abandoned us! ’ ‘ horses live longer than tortoises now. is that what you want? ’ ‘ maybe i just want you to care if i run away yelling! ’ ‘ admit it, you’re going crazy cooped up in here. ’ ‘ yeah well, tough titties. ’ ‘ that depends on who breaks first: me or the titty. ’ ‘ if we stay here we’ll die along with all your memories. ’ ‘ oh, that sounds cool. i can get what i want and you can say goodbye. ’ ‘ fine, but i’m driving. ’ ‘ hey, i like being 35. i can rent a car now. ’ ‘ they weaponized the eiffel tower! ’ ‘ no one’s special to him. not even himself. ’ ‘ i’m not right! i was using ghoulish overkill. ’ ‘ we’re going to the day it all began… and ended. the moment that changed everything. ’ ‘ i’d like to get a 10 piece mcnugget and a bunch of the szechuan sauce. like as much as you’re allowed to give me. ’ ‘ in 1998 they had this promotion for the disney film mulan where they created a new sauce for the nuggets called szechuan sauce and it’s DELICIOUS. ’ ‘ wow, this sauce is fucking amazing! you said it was promoting a movie? ’ ‘ i used to wear blue pants. ’ ‘ well, well, well if it isn’t us. ’ ‘ nobody has to know about that. we can put it right back and pretend we never saw it. ’ ‘ i’ll make it up as i go. ’ ‘ oh my god… i have that exact same top! ’ ‘ that’s my sister. this used to be my home. ’ ‘ imagine doing anything you want and hopping to a timeline where you never did it. ’ ‘ excuse me? we don’t pass on this. who do you think you are? ’ ‘ i heard sci-fi noises. did you make a breakthrough? ’ ‘ i only wanted to stop by here for a quick ‘i told you so.’ ’ ‘ why would you do that? what is the matter with you people? ’ ‘ i’ve got it… i’ve fucking got it!!! ’ ‘ awesome possum! ’ ‘ yeah, that’s the three lines of math that separates my life as a man from my life as an unfeeling ghost. ’ ‘ you can alter anything you want about a totally fabricated origin story. ’ ‘ lovely. not only is my plan screwed up, i also forgot how to improvise! ’ ‘ he’s a spy, blow him up. ’ ‘ i’m gonna go take a shit. ’ ‘ he’s not a lawyer. we just keep him here because he’s fun. ’ ‘ i say: fuck you. ’ ‘ you killed him because you were jealous of him. that’s pretty obvious. ’ ‘ what? no! i don’t want to see your pog collection. ’ ‘ let’s not suck the ghost of his dick too hard. ’ ‘ he’s not a villain, but he shouldn’t be your hero. he’s more like a demon or… a super fucked up god. ’ ‘ i know you’re too stupid to get this, but you’re really fucking this up right now. ’ ‘ i wasn’t going to let her die, you fucking moron! ’ ‘ you’re a serious fucking idiot. you basically killed us all! ’ ‘ who’s stupid now, bitch? ’ ‘ i’m almost proud. ’ ‘ look, i’m not proud to share this, but the truth is i just kept crawling and it kept working. ’ ‘ guess who dismantled the government? ’ ‘ please don’t leave me again. ’ ‘ is there any light beer left? it’s insane what you miss in prison. ’ ‘ no, you’re right. where’s the vodka? ’ ‘ i’m sorry to hear that, sweetie. i hope i had nothing to do with that. ’ ‘ i better tend to him before he changes his mind and doesn’t move out. ’ ‘ but never him. you wanna know why? because he crossed me. ’ ‘ take it easy – that’s dark! ’ ‘ welcome to the darkest year of our adventures! ’ ‘ if you tell them i said any of this, i’ll deny it and they’ll take my side because i’m a hero and now you’re gonna have to go do whatever i say – forever! ’ ‘ and i’ll go out and i’ll find more of that mulan szechuan teriyaki dipping sauce because that’s what this is all about – that’s my one-armed man. ’ ‘ i’m not driven by avenging my dead family, that was fake. ’ ‘ i’m driven by finding that mcnugget sauce. i want that mulan mcnugget sauce! ’ ‘ that’s my series arc. if it takes nine seasons! ’ ‘ i want my mcnugget dipping sauce. szechuan sauce! ’ ‘ that’s what’s gonna take us all the way to the end! ’ ‘ what are you talking about? ’ ‘ nine more seasons. nine more seasons until i get that dipping szechuan sauce or 97 more years! ’ ‘ fine. fuck it. who cares? ’
Who Wants to be a Hero (I Don't Want to be a Villain)
Wow look, it’s my original story. I hope you enjoy it. @revyourmentalenginesplease I don’t know if you ever read the final product. I plan on making every main character their own separate story. I’m already writing the second one. Summary needs work.
Summary: A man tries to cope with loss as he rebuilds his family. To bad things keep setting him back. (Part 1 of gay superhero story)
The other comic book that my Uncle Jerry Blazer gave to me that summer Saturday was this issue of MARVEL TALES, reprinting a classic Stan Lee and John Romita issue of AMAZING SPIDER-MAN from the pinnacle of their run. This was the real stuff, and so surely this was the comic book that finally changed my ways and made me an avowed Marvel lover at long last, right?
Sorry, no, not so much, I’m afraid.
The thing of it is, my impressions of Spider-man and Peter Parker coming out of the SUPERMAN VS THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN Treasury Edition were just reinforced here. For all of his troubles, Peter Parker seemed much cooler, much more plugged-in than I was or could ever hope to be. He was kind of intimidating in a way–and so I never quite bonded with him (and really wouldn’t until I read the original Steve Ditko-era stories.) On top of this, Spider-Man was wanted by the law, which wasn’t a status quo I was covetous of. At this age, I wanted my heroes to be recognized for their deeds and actions, not hunted and hounded. The Kingpin, this particular issue’s heavy, also didn’t come across as a super-villain so much as just a big, strong criminal–he was less colorful than the Rogues that I was used to and loved.
The story opens with the Kingpin in prison, railing about his capture and the fact that not only is Spider-Man still at large, but the wall-crawler had possession of the priceless stone tablet that the Kingpin covets, a tablet whose ancient writings contain a secret of enormous value. But the clever Kingpin has already convinced the authorities that Spider-Man was his partner in the theft, who had broken bad with him. And so, the entire New York police force is hunting for the web-slinger. Spidey himself is sick of being the fall guy and is contemplating keeping the tablet for himself–if he can figure out what to do with it.
This momentary lapse, as human as it is, made me root for Spider-Man even less–surely a super hero shouldn’t be thinking about keeping the loot that his enemies have stolen! And it’s merely a passing moment of frustration. But it made an impact on me. Dodging trigger-happy cops all the way, Spidey makes his way back to Peter Parker’s pad, where he stashes the tablet and gets some much-needed-though-troubled sleep. The next morning he heads out to Empire State University to attend classes, where his girlfriend Gwen Stacy gives him a world of grief for running out on her and Randy Robeton at the protest last night. Gen doesn’t realize that Peter had to become Spidey to prevent the Kingpin’s theft, so she’s understandably pissed, and storms away, calling Peter a coward. I must say, it may simply be down to Romita’s illustrations, but I liked Gwen immediately, and she’s always been Spidey’s one true love to me.
We spend another page or so on catching up with the rest of the cast: J. Jonah Jameson, Joe Robertson and his son, Randy, and Gwen’s dad Captain George Stacy. The protest plotline is wrapped up a little bit too conveniently–the Dean of Students the kids had been protesting was really in their corner the whole time, and just needed to convince the Trustees of the need for low-rent dorms. And so, everything is fine in those quarters. But back at the prison, the Kingpin tears his way out of his cell, and after disciplining some rowdy inmates who earlier had mad disparaging remarks about his wife, heads out into the night to find Spider-Man and the tablet.
Meanwhile, as night falls, Spidey decides to take the table to an expert in order to get its inscription translated. But the cops are waiting for him, and in their run-in, he learns that the Kingpin has broken jail. Spidey figures that the best way to lure the Kingpin to him is to mop up on hoodlums all across the city while carrying the tablet webbed to his back, which is what he proceeds to do. And sure enough, as the hours drag on, what looks to be a regular hijacking is instead a trap for the wall-crawler on the part of the Kingpin.
Spidey and the Kingpin mix it up for a few pages, with he fan man able to withstand all of the punishment that the web-slinger can dish out. But just as matters reach a crescendo, a car pulls up between the two combatants, driven by reporter Ned Leeds and carrying J. Jonah Jameson. The pause in the action provides a moment for another car to race up, this one driven by a shadowy woman–the Kingpin’s wife Vanessa hadn’t been shown yet, and was being played as something of a mystery. The Kingpin piles into her car and the pair roars away, while Jameson rails at poor old Spidey.
And if nothing that had come previously had sealed the deal for me, this was the moment where any appeal that Spider-Man might have had for nine-year-old me disintegrated. Because Spidey snaps, losing his cool, and he grabs up Jonah and scares the hell out of him–so much so that Jameson has a heart attack right on the spot! The issue closes with Jameson either dead or dying and Spider-man racing off into the night, realizing that he may have become just as much a menace as Jameson always said he was. It’s a great moment of high drama–but it also colored my opinion of Spider-Man terribly. This wasn’t what I wanted out of mu super heroes at this age. And so, I remained a confirmed Marvel-hater–though I still kept the issue in my collection. It had been a gift, after all, from my Uncle.
so your superhero world that you write things for sometimes is really cool! i was just wondering—are the things from the prompts (ie in a world where you get superpowers for doing good deeds, write the story of a super villain) true across all of the stories?
That’s a good question! All of the heroes are actually characters from the same universe–the prompts inspired their creation but a few origin stories would have to be changed if I put them all into the same book! Jimena (X) would still have her power, but her boss would probably get them from something classically superhero-y (like nuclear waste!)