is this love or am i dreaming

I don’t know why I let myself believe we would be in each other’s lives forever… in retrospect it was such a childish notion. I don’t know how I ever thought it would work… I just did. I simply believed that somehow everything would work itself out and we’d be in each other’s lives forever. I suppose it was because you were such a unique and irreplaceable person. I knew I would never stop loving you and would certainly never want you out of my life, and being the person that I am I couldn’t imagine ever hurting you or doing anything to make you want to leave. In my mind it seemed reasonable to think something so amazing could last indefinitely… so I let myself hope… I allowed myself to dream. I gave myself permission to believe in something that felt certain but in reality could never have worked and was doomed to fail from the start. So when the reality of the situation finally tripped me up and I fell down, I had only myself to blame because I should have known better. Life is not a fairy tale with happily ever after’s. And as simple as love can be – and it really was so easy with you – life is what’s complicated, and I think perhaps it was more convenient to forget that for a while. To pretend things could have been different… that this was that one special time when all my bad luck would finally balance out and everything would go right for me. I made a decision with my heart, and the heart loves to ignore facts it doesn’t want to acknowledge because they ruin the dream. And the sad fact is that the dream is now gone and I have no one to blame for this emptiness but myself.
Maybe I’m not the girl in your dreams. Did you ever consider that? Perhaps we share the same shell but are different people. Perhaps she’s daringly confident while I’m a hot mess. Perhaps she’s this intriguing mystery while I’m what you see is what you get. Like a banged-up old car – damaged but still going.
I know how you look at me, with those puppy dogs eyes. You put me on a pedestal, like I’m a God send – an angel, a gift. But I fear you praise an entirely different girl – a version of me that does not exist. One that says all the right things, one that radiates when she walks into a room, one that lights up your darkness. A flawless, unrealistic concept. 
I bet when you dream of me you don’t imagine dark skies and endless steep hills. Because that’s what I am, my love. I am a thunderstorm. My soul is heavy and hard to love – but that’s not what you want, is it? You want her – the desirable option. But she’s not real. Rainbows and sunshine? Complete bullshit.
—  I am a thunderstorm
An Ailment, An Apology, And An Affirmation

I loved you.
I drank your blood like it was wine.
I forget the thing about communion is the worship of metaphors.
I tasted heady wine and got steadfast venom.
I saw “yes” but “jest” was quite distorted.

I saw poison in the color red.
I was threaded with hatred.
I was caught like needle’s eye instead of by apple’s.
I missed an orchard and was susceptible as punishment.
I am sorry.

I love you.
I have red closing in on my pupils but it’s not from anger.
I have given out tears and given up sleep.
I count dreams about people a lot more than sheep.
I am a sheep bounding over fences like they’re rainbows.
I like to imagine they represent me pretty clearly.

I lay awake at night so I can operate asleep during day.
I close my eyes to the sun and get red as a receipt.
I want to give away these primrose coloured glasses.
I am sorry.

I will love you.
I will see red, smell red, feel red, taste red, and hear read your feelings.
I will disavow my care to what made me turn away.
I will disallow myself to turn away again.

I will prove myself fatal once you float down my bloodstream.
I will move oceans only to find undercurrents of red.
I will learn that they never left, nor do they ever leave.
I will never leave.
I will become red.
I will be sorry.

I will do this again.


1) kdstrength  Draco Malfoy. #harrypotter #tomfelton #theflash #malfoy #slytherin#siliconvalleycomiccon

2) emmygracelessan Pls send help I am dead 🐍#tomfelton

3) ani.everything Childhood dreams have been met with utter satisfaction!! Thank you @blitzkrieggail for thiiiis 😍! @t22felton you are an absolutely sweetheart! I can’t eveeen!

4) karollicious We solemnly swear we are up to no good #tomfelton #siliconvalleycomicon2017#slytherin #sanjose #dracomalfoy

5) shinatobe And for a little while, I forgot to breathe. Thank you @t22felton for being a part of my childhood, and for continuously being amazing. Love always <3

6) mechoka I was so nervous 💚🖤

anonymous asked:

Hey Gillian's spy, can you ask Gillian what REALLY happened in 1997-1998?

Alright anon! I am sorry it took me so long to answer this! But I’ve chatted with our friend and heres what she has to say:

1997…. wow what a year! 

We had the Golden Globes, where her best buddy and show running partner came as her date for support! They had a blast! 

And then of course we had the lovely film of Titanic come out in 1997! What a film that was…. 

Let’s just say that 1997 was the year of the ship of dreams, but also the year that ship sank and she realized her heart would go ooooooooooon and oooooon! 

Oh and I can’t forget to mention…… 

This lovely “little” film came out, and this was the exact moment that everyone realized that Chris Carter was the biggest fucking asshole in the world! 

Another irish sunday spent looking out of my window and day dreaming about my girl. Like a soft summer rose, she soothes my soul. I can’t wait to see her again and hold her next to me. She’ll have my heart forever. I am in love. J.

anonymous asked:

i just found out that i may be a dragonkin and im so confused. it makes so much sense but actually it doesnt! i used to have a lot of flying dreams and i love dragons since i was like 4 years old, and i love to pretend being one (curling up and pretending to fly and even saying i am one to my smaller cousing) ??? i really want to know more about my past life but i have no clue on how to start.

Got it.

So where I would start is assessing the meaning of the word otherkin vs what you feel. 

What do you feel? Is it like you said, pretend? Or does it go much deeper than that? A connection? Than you are other-hearted. You identify as a dragon? Then you are dragonkin.

One thing that I went through as well is confusion. Because simply put, it doesn’t make sense identifying as something unearthly or something that may or may not exist. Many otherkin on tumblr identify it as a past life, however many people get stuck on that if they do not believe in past lives or if it doesn’t feel right for them. There are many reasons why people identify as something not proven to exist. I will list some of the (but, not limited to) reasons below:


1. Some Spiritual Reasons

> Past life - Reincarnation, being born many different times after one dies, possibly in another body.

> Soul Misplacement: Soul being placed in the wrong body. (’You do not have a soul, you are a soul, you have a body’ type thing.)

Walk-in Event: The soul of another being switched place with the previous soul who occupied the body.

Soul Pieces/Fragments: Pieces of other souls fused together and ended up in one body.


2. Some Psychological Reasons

Imprinting: Some otherkin believe that due to exposure to certain animals/creatures as a child they picked up the identity of said animal/creature. However, this doesn’t mean that anyone who acts animalistic or is around animals/creatures in their youth will adopt a non-human identity.

Complexity Of Human Mind: Some otherkin explain their identity simply with the fact that the human mind is extremely complex and capable of all sorts of strange things.

Predisposition: Some otherkin believe that they are born predisposed to adopting a non-human identity, but that the specifics of the identity do not develop until they have matured a bit.

> Identity Disorder: Some otherkin believe they have an identity disorder which causes them to identify or feel as such.


I was very troubled when I couldn’t find an explanation for why I felt this way, maybe it’s the same for you?

Whether that applies or not, good luck~! Feel free to message us or send another ask for more detailed advice~!

~ Lirae

anonymous asked:

Nikolai is aro/ace imo and I'll fight Leigh on this- the only exception is if he gets a lovely boyfriend (bc I too am an aro gay boy and dream of being a pirate King)

i honestly don’t see nikolai as aro/ace at all bc he’s evidently sexually active/craving intimacy in canon but if that’s your headcanon then that’s fine!! also i’m rooting for you to be nikolai’s bf bc he deserves it okay GO FOR IT

You didn’t just break promises, you broke me.
—  “I promise to love you forever”

Rookie, rookie…rookies of the year dancing to Rookie 😂😂😂