is there ever is a next time

youtube

This is the most inspirational poem/video I have ever seen in my entire life. This is worth you time.


Knock, Knock by Daniel Beaty

As a boy, I shared a game with my father—
Played it every morning till I was three.
He would knock knock on my door,
And I’d pretend to be asleep till he got right next to the bed.
Then I would get up and jump into his arms.
“Good morning, Papa.”
And my Papa, he would tell me that he loved me.
We shared a game,
Knock knock,
Until that day when the knock never came,
And my Mama takes me on a ride past cornfields
on this never-ending highway
Till we reach a place of high rusty gates.
A confused little boy,
I enter the building carried in my Mama’s arms.
Knock knock.
We reach a room of windows and brown faces.
Behind one of the windows sits my father.
I jump out of my Mama’s arms and run joyously towards my Papa’s,
Only to be confronted by this window.
I knock knock trying to break through the glass,
Trying to get to my father.
I knock knock as my Mama pulls me away
Before my Papa even says a word.
And for years, he has never said a word.
And so, 25 years later, I write these words
For the little boy in me who still awaits his Papa’s knock.
“Papa, come home, ‘cause I miss you.
I miss you waking me up in the morning and telling me you love me.
Papa, come home, ‘cause there’s things I don’t know,
And I thought maybe you could teach me
How to shave,
How to dribble a ball,
How to talk to a lady,
How to walk like a man.
Papa, come home, ‘cause I decided awhile back
I want to be just like you, but I’m forgetting who you are.”
And 25 years later, a little boy cries.
And so I write these words and try to heal
And try to father myself.
And I dream up a father
Who says the words my father did not.
“Dear son, I’m sorry I never came home.
For ever lesson I failed to teach, hear these words:
‘Shave in one direction with strong deliberate strokes
To avoid irritation.
Dribble the page with the brilliance of your ballpoint pen.
Walk like a God, and your Goddess will come to you.
No longer will I be there to knock on your door,
So you must learn to knock for yourself.
Knock knock down doors of racism and poverty that I could not.
Knock knock on doors of opportunity
For the lost brilliance of the black men who crowd these cells.
Knock knock with diligence for the sake of your children.
Knock knock for me.
For as long as you are free,
These prison gates cannot contain my spirit.
The best of me still lives in you.
Knock knock with the knowledge that you are my son,
But you are not my choices.”
Yes, we are our fathers’ sons and daughters,
But we are not their choices.
For despite their absences,
We are still here,
Still alive,
Still breathing,
With the power to change this world
One little boy and girl at a time. 

Knock knock, 

Who’s there? 

We are.

youtube

On this week’s Cartoon Movie Club, I take a look at The Secret of Kells, aka one of the most beautiful movies ever (in my opinion). I may seem a little sleep deprived this week, and that’s because I am!

Next Time: Saludos Amigos

Tumblr | Twitter (i will eventually start using this twitter…)

"Who was that, Daddy?" (Lacey and Michael)

Mike and Lacey were out on their, “daddy/daughter day” which they had every Friday, because Michael wouldn’t have class the next day. This Friday, they decided to take a mini vacation. They were just gonna enjoy some time at a hotel. Lacey was more than excited. It was her first ever time at a hotel!

"Daddy look at the fish!" She giggled, pointing to the fish in the fountain.

"That’s great baby." He laughed, not looking, he was too busy getting checked in.

"You didn’t even look!" She whined and crossed her arms.

"Michael?" He heard a familiar voice from behind him.

"Katie?" Michael asked in shock. He hadn’t seen Katie for 4 years.

"Is that my daughter?" Katie asked, tearing up.

"Yeah, and you left us. And I know how this is gonna work, you’re gonna ask to see her. And the answer is no." Michael said, scooping Lacey up in his arms and making his way to their room.

"Who was that daddy?" Lacey asked a little frightened. She’d never seen Michael lose his temper like that before.

"No one princess." He sighed.

"Felicity is about to get into a real relationship with Ray (Brandon Routh), and that’s always been dangling out there. I think you’ll see those two committing before you see Oliver and Felicity committing," says Amell. "If ever."

Fans of their sibling [Thea & Oliver] dynamic are in luck: “Their relationship and her importance to him will be a big factor in the next couple of episodes,” teases Amell. .

"I would eventually like to work with my cousin Robbie [Amell, who plays Ronnie Raymond on The Flash]. He and I are sharing a universe, but we still haven’t shared any camera time! So, I’d have to say Firestorm."

The perks of being single

It’s human nature to want what we don’t have. This leaves us feeling unfulfilled and sad. Instead, try appreciating what you do have. You’re single, young, and living in a beautiful world. 

Which is why you should live in the moment and live for yourself. For all you know this may be the last time you’ll ever be single, the next person you meet may be the last person…who knows?! Carpe diem and all that jazz. 

We’d like to shine some light on the perks of being single, and playlists we recommend you listen to in order to get you into the right mindset. 

Travel

You are the only person you need to worry about right now. You can go anywhere and do anything, so why not explore the world and do see and experience all the things YOU want to do. Your home, friends, and family will always be there, so go- explore and come back with stories worth sharing.

This is one of our favorite travel + wanderlust playlist:

I Read, I Traveled, I Became from floral✿fawn 

Work out 

Sign up for that kicking boxing class you’ve been thinking about or hop on the cycling trend. Not only is exercise good for you, but you’ll grow more confident because you’ll look amazing! Those skinny jeans of yours are yearning to be worn. 

Work up a sweat with this workout playlist:

≣BEAST MODE≣ from maddilangley 

Reconnect with friends and family

Often times when in a relationship, friends and family will fall off to the side. It’s not intentional, but it’s hard to keep up with everyone in your life when you’re in a love bubble. Catch up with friends over coffee, call your parents and tell them you love them. Your family and friends have shaped you into the person you are today so give them the attention they deserve. 

This chill + good vibes playlist makes us happy: 

Escape from alli-sun

anonymous asked:

Do you have a preference over what kind of girls you go for? Like lipstick or butch..m do you have any favorites per say? :3

I hate the labels of a lesbian so let’s just not call them that. It’s like nails on a chalkboard for me hearing those terms. We’ll go with girly and tomboy. But to answer your question, someone who wears whatever they want. One day they could be all skater, the next they could wear a dress or look like the typical white girl hahah. But I can’t do short hair. It kills it. I just can’t do it. Athletic is nice and if you show you care about others, it seals the deal. A pet peeve of mine though is when they call me babe or hot or sexy the first time we ever talk. It’s the biggest turn off in the world for me. Like. That’s phase 2 girl, slow down.

let it rain

there is something comforting about sitting on your bed listening to new music with Christmas lights setting the room aglow ever so softly. even though you have a massive pile of laundry to do and a ton of weekend homework (in every class actually) and you don’t really feel like you belong here, it’s okay. or at least it will be. God has a time for everything, you’re learning that, slowly but surely. you feel like mat kearney wrote “let it rain” just for you and that these lyrics are going to be what gets you through these next couple weeks.

there’s a time when all you can say is let it rain, let it rain
just because it’s pourin’ down, doesn’t mean we’re gonna drown

February Fluff~~Day 25~<3

The end slowly approacheth! and just in time too! I’ve got a lot of awesome things happening with stories in the next few months!! This fluff goes out to starvina!! Urania! Big sis! hehehe Words cannot express how much I adore you and am thankful for getting to talk with you everyday! Your fangirling over Yukiya hehe and Boss man!! i love it! You’re like the big sis I’ve always wanted, and I’m ever so thankful for you!! Sorry for us barging into your fluff too…I couldn’t help it with all the fun we’ve had planning today!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Also tagging:
isasa-li - kasia147 - nerdyasiangirl105823 - otome-musings - thornsandbloodiedroses - hikariaria - ninja-shinigami 
 for brief cameos huehuehuehue
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He thumbed through the magazine as she finished wiping down the tables after the dinner rush. They’d closed up a little early so they could enjoy the opening of the new rides down at the pier, and seeing as the dinner crowd was scarce, They didn’t feel too bad about the decision.

"So does your fortune say anything about which ride we should try out first?"

Mandy chuckled as she plopped into his lap, making him almost rip his magazine as he tried to keep his balance.

"Nope, but yours says you shouldn’t go looking for love in high places."

She cocked her head as she looked at him and he merely shrugged.

"Well, you’re taller than me, is this going to be a problem?"
"Sit up a little straighter."

Mandy did as he asked, and Atsumu nodded contently. He laughed at the questions playing in her eyes before pulling her in for a kiss.

“See? Now you’re taller than me, no need to worry right?”

They laughed as he tapped her thigh, and she got up as he walked behind the counter to grab the keys to lock up.

“Ready?”
"Extremely. Will we be meeting with the others?"

Atsumu stroked his chin while they walked through the door and locked it.

“I don’t know. I’d assumed they’d bring their girlfriends, so maybe not?”

The two walked hand in hand down toward the pier, chuckling when a certain redhead came into view. He ran up to them, a poor soul trapped in his hand and trying to keep up.

“Look Thanh! It’s them!”
“H-Hiro! slow down!!”

The pair stopped in front the older couple and grinned, trying to catch their breath in between their words.

“Are you guys gonna check out the new rides too?”
“I wanna check out the new games!”

Thanh pulled Mandy along as they rushed over to meet the others, all waving and smiling with their girlfriends in tow. Mandy smiled at all the familiar faces, reminiscing about the last year and how everything had gotten this far. A cool hand wrapping around hers snapped her thoughts to the present, as Atsumu smiled down at her.

“Have you decided on what we should do first? Seems like everyone else has made up their mind.”

“Thanny and I are going to check out the rollercoaster!”

She waved back as Hiro pulled her excitedly away.

“Isa and I are gonna check out some games.”
“Yeah, see if this man is all talk or not.”

She giggled as Riki shot her a competitive glare.

"Kenshi and I will join you, we’re not letting you have all the fun!"

Kasia and Kenshi ran off with the other two following close behind. The Kujo’s looked at each other before nodding to one another.

“We’re gonna walk around a bit and check everything out first.”

Karen and Ariana smiled happily at one another before be led off by the brothers. Jiap and Evee were consulting with one another before smirks appeared on their faces and they grabbed their boyfriend’s hands.

“We’re gonna check out the haunted house!”

They said in unison as Yuki and Tatsuro looked at each other with frowns on their faces.

“I-I don’t really wanna.”
“Couldn’t we check out the-“
“NOPE!”

The girls laughed as they dragged the detective and agent off. Leaving only one couple left in front of the eldest.

“Hmph.”
“We’re gonna go eat! Heavens knows I’ll never get to do anything fun with grumpy gears over here hungry!”
“D-don’t call me that! Stupid! Who even said I was hungry?!”
“They have really good pork noodle bowls here!!”

Takuto looked over at Kiki before shooting his eyes up at the bosses.

“We’ll see you two later.”

He quickly grabbed Kiki’s hand and stomped off as she bounced away happily.

“Hah, quite the children we have.”
“So it seems.”

Atsumu squeezed her hand as they made their way around the pier, taking in the sights and enjoying the crowd. Since the last mission they all took part in, it’d been hectic settling back into the normal routine of things, and they were thankful for the moment of normality with their friends. Mandy set her sight on a new attraction, the lights reflecting in her eyes and Atsumu knew he was in for something good.

“The ferris wheel? How childish.”

He teasingly bumped her as she smiled up at him.

“Could we?! It’d be so pretty to see everything lit up from the top!”

He smiled in return as they went to get in line, and a few minutes later they were riding high to the top of the attraction. They sat on opposite sides as the looked out into the sky, the lights decorating the ground below and the stars lighting the sky above made the peaceful ride much more romantic as his thumb grazed her hand gently.

“To think we’d be here after the year we’ve had huh?”

She looked up at him and smiled.

“It has been a wild ride.”
“Wild? Out of control, those girls of yours.”
“Hey! Your boys are no better always picking figh-“

The bucket shook violently as she was tossed over to his lap, his arms barely catching her from falling on the floor.

“Are you alright?!”
“Fine, you?”
“Okay.”

The entire ride’s lights were dark and the motors silent as they looked down for the peak of the ferris wheel. Little bodies from the ground all crowded around as they picked out their gang, the girls colors being easy to spot even from so high up. Mandy fiddled with her seahorse ear cuff before talking.

“My darling Muses. We’re stuck on the ferris wheel. Kiki- Do you or Takuto think you can help us out?”


A two voices quickly came through.

“Of course Mama bear! I’ll have you down in no time!”
“What do you mean YOU will? I can fix it faster!”
“Seriously?! Remember that one time…”

She rolled her eyes as she sat back into Atsumu’s lap and grinned.

“Sorry about this.”
“Why are you apologizing?”

He ran a hand through her loose hair as she pulled his glasses off, placing them on her head and chuckling.

“I guess I should have heeded your warning about heights today…”

He laughed, forgetting the fortune he had told her earlier and wrapping his arms around his girlfriend.

“Well, if it meant I got to cuddle up to you without distraction like this, I think I can forgive you.”

He pulled her passionately into a kiss before a high pitched whine from their transceivers forced them apart, making them rip them out before laughing at each other.

“You need to get on our wavelength.”
“I’m not flipping over even for you.”

Mandy shot him a testy look, as he pulled her close once again, dotting her neck with kisses before whispering huskily into her ear.

“Once we’re back home, why don’t we see who’ll be the one flipping over hmm?”

A shiver ran down her spine as he cupped her cheek, pulling her into another heated kiss while they waited for the gang to get them down.

Over Again

For all you Liam ladies! I love me some Payne

No matter how many times you’d told yourself you were over him all it took was a glance at his face in a magazine or mention of his name on the radio to bring all the memories flooding back and you realized you were never really over him in the first place and it would probably take a long time before that ever happened.

You tried to move on, you really did. But it was next to impossible. Nearly everywhere you turned you were being reminded of the face you were trying hard to forget. It was either One Direction this or Liam Payne that. On the radio, on the magazines in the checkout line at the grocery store and on the tv. You couldn’t escape him.

You couldn’t believe your misfortune. Of all the places to have lunch with your friend, and of all the days, what were the odds that he’d choose to dine at the same place on the same day? And by him, you meant Liam.

He was sitting a few tables over and thankfully hadn’t noticed you yet.

“Oh my God. I have to go,” you ducked your head and began gathering your belongings.

“What! Why? We’ve barely started eating,” Y/F/N complained from across the table, a full plate of food sitting before her.

“Do not look now, but Liam is sitting a few seats behind you,” you warned her.

“Oh,” her eyes widened in understanding.

You’d barely admitted it to yourself, nevertheless aloud, but your friend knew your predicament. You still had feelings for him and facing him would be catastrophic for you.

You peeked over her shoulder, careful not to get spotted and frowned when you noticed he was smiling and laughing with a female companion. Your heart sank at the sight. He’d happily moved on. That’s what you wanted, right?

“I’ll get the bill and we’ll sneak out of here, okay?” she offered sympathetically.

You nodded, praying you could make an exit without being seen.

Thankfully you did. The waiter came by, the bill was paid and you and your friend managed to slink out of the restaurant unseen. Or so you’d thought.

At the end of the street you’d parted ways, promising to meet up for lunch again soon and you were on your way. You decided an afternoon stroll would clear your mind. You had the rest of the day free and sitting at home doing nothing would send you crazy.

You took a deep breath and tried to clear your mind.

“You really weren’t going to say hi?” a voice to your right startled you.

You jumped and turned to acknowledge the person who had managed to silently fall instep beside you.

Your eyes widened in shock as you took in the face standing before you.

It was no secret to you that Liam just seemed to get better looking with time, but it had been three months and him standing before you came as a surprise.

“Uh…” words failed you.

His eyebrows knit together in disappointment, “You’re avoiding me now?”

“I’m not,” you lied.

You knew he saw straight through that by the expression on his face.

“I just didn’t want to interrupt your um…your date,” you cleared your throat and looked away.

You weren’t prepared for just meeting him like this.

“It wasn’t a date. I was just having lunch with an old friend,” he quickly responded.

“Oh, okay,” you nodded awkwardly, unsure what to say.

Your eyes landed everywhere but on him, but you knew his gaze was trained intently on you, which made you want to escape even more.

“Y/N?” your eyes darted to meet his on their own accord, “Can we talk?”

At your hesitation he prodded, “Please?”

You bit your lip and nodded, already regretting the decision, but you knew when he looked at you like that you would agree to anything.

He gently took your hand and led you off the sidewalk into a building. You glanced around and assumed it was an art gallery by the various sculptures, dimly lit, but you could see each other clearly.

“How have you been?” he stared at you imploringly.

“Fine, I guess,” you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him the truth, “Uh…you?”

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot,” his gaze was unwavering.

Oh no, this was not a good idea. This wasn’t going to help you get over him at all. It was doing the opposite. For the sake of your sanity you needed to move on, but with the way he was looking at you, you he wasn’t about to let you.

“This was a bad idea,” you made to exit, but he prevented you from leaving.

“I’m not about to let you leave again, Y/N,” his voice was firm.

“We both agreed that our relationship wouldn’t work,” you reminded him with a heavy heart at the memory.

“No love, you decided that our relationship wasn’t going to work and I let you walk away from me and it was the stupidest thing I have ever done.”

“Liam, we knew we were in over our heads when we started-”

“But we were making it work!” he interjected.

“That’s not how a relationship is supposed to be Liam! You’re not supposed to constantly be asking paparazzi not to take pictures of your girlfriend while you’re with her because she’s uncomfortable with all the attention. You’re not supposed to skip important events because your date gets panic attacks from all the screaming fans and persistent paps. I’m not cut out for that kind of stuff. You need someone who can handle your life and the fame. That’s not me.”

“I would gladly spend the rest of my days asking them not to take pictures and I’d rather stay home with you than go to another stuffy awards show any day. What I need is you. The eight months we were together were the happiest I have ever been Y/N. Can’t you see that? I’m miserable without you,” he pleaded.

You couldn’t find anything to say as you locked your gaze with his. It felt like your heart was breaking all over again. You didn’t want break up, but you’d figured he’d be better off being with someone who wouldn’t hold him back and you only wanted what was best for him.

“Weren’t you happy with me?” he asked softly.

Of course you were! Being with Liam made you the happiest you ever were, “Yes, but-”

“But what Y/N? We make each other happy.”

“I never want to hold you back Liam. Or be a burden…” you looked away.

“You were never a burden, sweetheart and you don’t hold me back, not ever,” his finger titled your chin, making you reconnect your eyes with his.

“I love you, Y/N,” you had missed hearing him say those words.

When his lips gently met yours all your inhibitions melted away.  You loved him, you loved the way he made you feel. You loved the fact that he had loved you despite all your broken parts. You loved how a simple kiss after all this time could simply mend your broken heart.

“Can we try this all over again?” he asked, pulling away to look at you.

With those eyes and that look; you couldn’t say no even if you wanted to.

Your answer was to lean into him and kiss him again. And this time you didn’t care who was watching.

music-writes-my-soul replied to your post:

Text: Okay I deserved that one but hey, I’ve been in Italy I told ya. If you want that pizza tag along next time dummy

To: Soul Brother
From: Queen Bee
I don't recall you ever telling me this.
Even so, it's not fair.
No emails, no nuffin'.
Like I said, next time I'm gonna beat you up.

anonymous asked:

I think i might have OCD, and so do my parents, so we've decided that I'm going to bring it up to my therapist the next time i have an appointment but ever since we decided that the only thing i can think about is whether I'm just faking symptoms, or something, or not, but it's been three days and it's really annoying, i'm just completely stuck on it and i don't know what to do.

Hi Anon,

If you do have a mental illness/OCD, it can play tricks on you and make you believe that you’re making it all up. You’re not. The only person that can tell you for sure though is a doctor. They won’t judge you if you open up about what’s been going on lately. You’re taking care of yourself, and that is the best thing you can do. That is all that matters right now.

OCD

  • Mental Help A site that has basic information, resources, articles, and a list of books that might be helpful.
  • It might help to read some information on this blog ocdfree that has some great links and forums.
  • The ocd foundation has some fantastic links for finding help, resources, links and information about OCD.
  • This post gives information on what Tics are and how they are treated.
  • Managing OCD at home
  • HelpGuide for OCD
  • MayoClinic's guide for coping and support
  • WikiHow for coping

Best,

Lena

So usually I try to avoid whinging on the internet because, honestly, I spend a lot of time with small people whinging at me and it’s no fun.  But I’m feeling down today about my writing and just…ugh.

I’m trying so hard to get the next chapter of Kind Hearts written, and it’s going so slowly.  It’s like running through waist-high mud trying to find the right words and it’s hard to get the headspace these days with my husband working at home and wanting to be buddies a lot of the time.  I’m only getting 400-600 words written most days, but I am really making an effort to write every day.

And then yesterday I got a review on FFnet for Prairie Lullaby.  Not the worst anon ever, but they said the most disappointing thing about my writing was that I abandoned my stories and I should think of my readers and either update or post something saying I’d abandoned it.  Which, of course, is really not the case but I just can’t go any faster at the moment.

So, yeah.  It kinda feels like I’m putting all this effort into a thing which isn’t the thing anyone wants anyway and it’s just all a bit hard today.  Not to mention that so many other stories have been posted/updated and I won’t let myself read them yet until I have a chapter done and, mostly, it just feels like an exercise in frustration for no real benefit.

Still, next week is another week.  There’s always hope it will get better :)

Commissions Closed at the moment!

THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to all who answered to my urgent commissions post. I will do my very best to get these delivered to you in the next 2 weeks (since I’ve accepted quite a few, I have spanned you across a time frame) in crisp condition and hopefully to your liking.

Thank you all for your patience with me, I will keep you all updated on your commission progress and send sketches for proofing to all.

You guys blew me away with your support, I am so…out of words to express my gratitude. A heartfelt thank you to all who spread the word,to all who commissioned, and to all who have ever taken the time to browse my work.

Much love,

Rux.

so most of you followed for my ‘megan watches the 100’ posts and i haven’t made any in quite some time. i’m sorry i haven’t made any in a long time, and i don’t know when i’ll be able to make one next. i’m struggling emotionally and due to how i’m rather unhappy often i haven’t felt funny. i’ve scrolled through the screencaps but nothing has ever leapt out at me; nor when i watch the episode. the episodes have also lately been rather heavy and i don’t feel comfortable making light of some of the events that have happened, ie the bone marrow ‘surgeries’, finn’s death.

again, i’m sorry. i will still write, as that doesn’t require light-heartedness. if you ever want to send me a prompt, feel free to do so.

anonymous asked:

I'm going to The Ritz in Kapalua, Maui next week.. And I was just wondering did you like it? What are some of the things you did outside of the resort? Was the beach nice?

That’s my favorite place in the entire world- I think I’ve been 5-6 times now. I also plan on getting married there some day; it’s literally the most incredible place I’ve ever seen.
I absolutely love the beach there. I really like to lay out by the beach area- they have a little Ritz lunch restaurant down there (the pulled pork sandwiches and the burgers are our favorites). The pool is also beautiful, but you have to save a seat really early in the morning!
I also love the spa at that Ritz resort. Last time I went, I got the back massage, facial, and my hair cut/colored. On vacation, I absolutely love having a family spa day just to relax!
For breakfast every morning, we go eat at the Honolulu store which is about a 4-5 minute walk from the hotel. They have very affordable meals and snacks!

In the day time if we leave the resort, we love to go visit small towns around Kapalua. There is even a Lush store not too far from the hotel! We also love boat tours, whale watching excursions, and my dad loves all the golf.
For restaurants, here are some of my favorites in the Kapalua area/Maui:
Pineapple grill, Merriman’s, Plantation house, Mama’s fish house, and Leoda’s kitchen and pie shop.

I am so incredibly jealous that you are going to Kapalua- I would kill to be there right now! You will have such an amazing visit; I hope you love it as much as I do.
The Ritz Kapalua is seriously my favorite travel destination!

anonymous asked:

Have either S or L spoken ever about the karma of their next lifetimes and do they ever mention if the other will be included and how? I wonder if thy want another chance at the things they missed out on due to their lifestyle and choices.? They have talked of previous lifetimes but really interesting to know I think. Thx

Next lifetimes? Hmm. I only recall Stevie talking about past lifetimes. However, she has discussed karma and what it means for their future.

"I know that Lindsey and I have to spend a lot more time together. Our karma says we have to spend a lot of time together. We have to be in a band together for one hundred more years together."

I think a lot about death. I see it more as a transitional phase than an actual end. I think about it so much that its hard for me to take anything thats happening right now seriously. Work, school, personal relationships, development of new skills and ideas, it all seems so trivial to me some times because the chances are you will MAYBE only vaguely remember any of it in your next life. And even vaguely is too stong of a word. I wish that were some way, maybe through deep deep meditation or a chance occurrence of a near death experience, that I could tap into the window of my minds eye and gain access to all of the memories, skills, and knowledge my soul has ever aquired over the span of maybe a millennia as different people and RETAIN all of that information throughout my current life so that I can write it all in a book or illustrate it through art. I dont think we will ever know the full truth about how everything works but I wanna dig as deep as I can.

good morning

This morning starts good.

I woke up feeling emotionally rested for the first time this week. Yay!

My period came which is an absolute joy - after weeks of mild anxiety over having to use emergency contraception because condom fail and the little shit period daring to be late for three whole days. That wasn’t mild anxiety! Like I needed one more stress factor this week.

I had a nice night with the lovelies - we beat several levels of a game with girlfriend :D

Boyfriend is still the most beautiful creature ever, also he made me hot cocoa yesterday timed for my arrival.

Next week I get my first salary from the school aaand I will earn more than ever! Still a shitty amount but I lived of half that money too. Awesome!

I suddenly got flooded by the memories of last year when I worked myself to panic disorder but I finally got the money for making the language exam I needed and it worked, I did it under extreme circumstances. After years of not going anywhere I did it and now I have a professional job (no matter how unprofessional sometimes I feel).

Also, I pat my back because yesterday I recognized an autistic girl at the school (I looked into her papers afterward and yes, she have a severe disease that goes with autistic behavior too). Just from her communication style (lol it was like looking at myself).

Next weekend I’ll have the graduation ceremony of the course I postponed for years and finally made. I feared that and the teacher very much, and gaining her approval is a honour.

Still coping with the loss of my friend, but realizing that I continue her legacy (the autism topic) is a good feeling.

I also look fabulous with my green skirt, patterned stockings and boots. And my hair. And green headphones.

I’ve dreamed awesome stuff including some CloudxSephiroth after-OG romance where they got kinda mixed together with all that cell stuff and Cloud’s hair turned silver and like Yazoo’s while Sephiroth’s were black. And Cloud reconstructed him in a mako tank from his remaining cells but with his influence instead of any Jenova, and they were inseparable and very much focused on each other - strange mixture of dorky cute and twisted.

To be more happy, my dash was full of awesome stuff. thrasirshall stop being so hot, really, I’ll court you (lol)! cameoamalthea good job on the exam and yay progress, you will be a warrior of justice and help people! Also good job on telling ableist people that they’re ableist and who cares if you overshare, they can stuff their neuronormative bs and boundaries where the sun doesn’t shine :D

tl;dr: I’m not pregnant, it’s smells like spring, I have pancakes waiting for me at home, life has good things. Yay!