is there anything good out there

Middle Ground is Listening to Yourself

I see a lot of posts that say you should NEVER push yourself if you’re feeling even slightly less than 100% okay. I also see a few posts basically complaining about the former that say people are never going to accomplish anything if they don’t get off their asses and pull themselves up by their bootstraps or whatever.

So I’d like to propose a good middle ground. I’m a writer who works full-time, which means any writing I do happens outside of a full workday. I’m more privileged than many, but I hope I can offer up one of the most important lessons I’ve learned. Maybe it can help somebody else out.

Learn to listen to yourself. It will take trial and error, but there are days to push and days to pull back. Sometimes, the pattern won’t make sense. It will not match anyone else’s either, necessarily. Be kind to yourself.

Yesterday, I worked 12 hours, no lunch break, came home, and wrote 4k before going to bed. I was physically exhausted, but pushing myself mentally to write felt good. I had a lasting energy high from the long day and I let it carry me over into a productive evening.

Today, I worked a 7 hour shift with a long lunch. I’ve sort of half-heartedly written like 400 words. My body is still sore from yesterday, but today is also just a bit of a more tired day. I’m listening to a bunch of covers on youtube and mostly chilling out. I can feel that if I push myself right now, I’ll just be miserable and hate everything, so I won’t.

That doesn’t mean you should aim for 4k after a 12 hour workday. It doesn’t mean you should take a break after an easy day. This time last year, I was in a really rough place and taking a 4 month hiatus. Sometimes that’s what your mental/physical/emotional health is telling you. Sometimes, you just need to give yourself a little push. Be your own running buddy: you wouldn’t push your buddy to the point of injury and severe pain, but you also wouldn’t be running buddies if you never went running. Find a middle ground.

TL;DR, please listen to yourself. Learn when to push, learn when to chill out. Neither extreme is both healthy and practical.

so i recently hit my biggest goal of 10k and decided one good way to celebrate would be to create a lil network!!

☢ benefits ☢

friends!!
reblogs on anything u would like
new followers/mutuals!!
groupchats/skype/all those things!
ppl who will ship you with ur fav no matter what
lil blurbs!!
lots of ppl to help you through whatever jet black shit you’re going through bc we all got something going on
a cute page to go on also!

☢ rules  ☢

must be following me ofc
must reblog this, likes will only be seen as bookmarks!
must fill out this quick application!

☢ other info ☢

i’ll be picking when this gets enough notes, probably by october!
i’ll pick 5-10 people !!
increase your chances: honestly i promise u i’m only gonna pick familiar urls, so ur not gonna get in unless you talk to me/have talked to me. it helps avoid that awkward thing at the beginning of groupchats! also i rlly rlly love blurbs and edits and things so if u make them tag me using #JetBlackNw !!!

that is it and good luck everyone!!

whenever I listen to Donna Summer I feel like it’s 1979 and I’m in Studio 54 wearing a rhinestone mini dress and platform heels dancing to some bad disco mash up and then I spot cute Saturday Night Fever/Grease era young John Travolta and I hit on him and he starts talking to me because I look that good and besides, he’s on some uppers and will fvck anything that moves. he buys me a drink and things are going good until he starts talking to me about Scientology, which he converted to in 1975. I smile awkwardly and tell him I’m going to the bathroom but instead I slip out through the back door of the club, though first I buy a bit of cocaine from the dealer who’s hanging out at the exit, which I quickly snort in a dark alley. then I go home and cry myself to sleep to the sweet sound of the Bee Gees on vinyl

anonymous asked:

Please understand, I'm really trying to not be rude, but I was curious about The Danish Girl. I totally understand why people want more trans actors/actresses, and I understand why having a cis male play a transgender female is bad, but I thought that, since this is biographical thing, and it begins before she actually transitions, it kinda made sense? I'm not trans, so that's why I'm asking, I'm really sorry if I sounded ableist or came off as rude

Roxie says:

Hey! This is a good question. You’re right - the film begins before she transitions - and that’s like, entirely. Before she transitions socially, or medically, or anything. However, she was still a trans woman before she transitioned.

Lili Elbe, just like other trans women, was a woman before she “came out”. She was a woman before she transitioned. Eddie Redmayne is not a woman. He is a man. It’s like hiring men to play women in a biographical film about real feminists in history. Heck, it’s not like that. It is that. It’s erasing who they truly were. Eddie Redmayne is a man dressing up in particular clothes to pretend to be a woman. That’s a transmisogynistic trope - the media frequently tries to tell us that trans women are just cis men who are “pretending” to be women. And that’s how they’re choosing to portray one of the most historically important trans women of all time.

There are plenty of pre-everything trans actresses who would have leaped at the chance to play any trans woman character, let alone one of the most historically important. But instead, they gave the role to a cis man.

That’s what’s wrong with the Danish Girl.

6

So, I went to Pax Prime for the first time. It was my first out of state convention and it totally blew my mind, yo. I was only able to get passes for Friday, Sunday, and Monday, but it was phenomenal regardless. Also, THE BADGES GLOW UNDER A BLACK LIGHT DID YOU KNOW THAT?! THEY HAD SPACE INVADERS. SO FREAKING AWESOME.

I ran into some familiar faces while I was there, each one was absolutely amazing. They took time out of their con to chat with me and take photos. They all surprised me in a good way.

lolrenaynay was the first person I ran into at the Twitch booth. She kinda caught me off guard. I was expecting a quick photo and we’d both be off on our way, but she actually wanted to talk. She asked how I was enjoying the con and if it was my first time there, then asked if there was anything worth while to see so she could run and check it out on her free time. I was honestly tongue tied. I was a bit awkward, but she seriously surprised me. Also, looking back on it, I should have offered to grab food for her. I hadn’t eaten all day either, so I felt her pain. Also, she’s taller than I thought. Yeah. And her tattoo is fabulous.

gassymexican was next. He was the same way, wanting to know if I was enjoying myself and actually gave me some great advice on where to start with YouTube and streaming on Twitch. You’re hella cool man. 10/10 great guy. He was also the only one to bend down for a photo. Bonus points for that.

I ran into eatmydiction1 on Sunday while walking the floor. He was super sweet and was more than will to chat with me and take a photo. Plus, he makes the best faces.

Bob was next! I don’t know if he has a tumblr, but that’s okay. He’s super tall. Like, woah, dude. I know that I’m short, but I felt like a friggen hobbit. Now I know how Mark feels. I stopped by the Polaris booth later for his signing and got him to sign my Sunday badge.

therealjacksepticeye gives the best hugs and there’s nothing you can say or do to prove me wrong. I happened to be walking past the Polaris booth at the right time and caught the tail end of a line (I hope was the tail end, I asked people if they were in line and they said no) and hopped right on in. He signed my Monday badge and we chatted about the con and how hard it was to even find him this weekend. I guess they had been in Ubers off and on all weekend. We agreed to take shots next time we see each other, so that’s a plus! I actually reached out to shake his hand but he opened his arms and went “NUH UH!” Then hugged me. It was great.

Finally, as I was leaving, a wild markiplier appeared! I felt so bad about stopping him. It was, like, 11:30 and he was heading into the expo hall, a coffee in each hand, just coming off the escalator, and people were stopping him left and right. Had I been staying the rest of the day I would have just said hello and stopped back by the Polaris booth a little later, but (unfortunately) I was leaving the con for a loooooong drive back to Arizona. I made it quick though and said hello, got a picture, thanked him, and we parted. Even though he was in a rush to get back into the hall, he was still joking with all of us and taking photos with everyone. It was great.

I learned very quickly this weekend that these people are just like anyone else. They’re people, not Hollywood celebrities. They want to talk to you, they want to hang out, they want to have fun at the cons just like you do and that’s fantastic. I’ve been to a lot of cons and I’ve met a few celebs, but they can’t compete with these guys.

I’ll be posting a spam of my photos from Seattle and the con itself a little later, but I had these on my phone and thought I’d post them.

Keep being awesome ♥

The Signs And No Motivation

Aries: Bored. So bored. Feels lower than dirt. It’s the kind of boredom that brings on a depressed feeling. They don’t have motivation to eat, but they have to. They don’t have motivation to do anything but stay in their room.

Taurus: Tries so hard to do something, but ends up crying from frustration. Wants to get out of the house, but doesn’t know where to go.

Gemini: Has to force self to get up and finish their chores. Life feels like a chore. They just want to be left alone and not have to deal with anything.

Cancer: Depressed. Can do nothing but sit around watching Netflix and YouTube. Eats a lot of food and candy because they don’t have motivation to get up and do something.

Leo: Not feeling cheery or energetic. Would rather sleep than have to deal with it. Nothing good to watch on TV or Netflix and everything else is boring.

Virgo: Forces self to do stuff. Can’t. Collapses on couch or bed and watches TV. Pissed at the world. Severely bored.

Libra: Sleeps. Watches shows. Sleeps some more. Eats. Cries. Watches more shows. Cries some more. Can’t fall asleep anymore. Cries. Eats. Watches even more shows.

Scorpio: Lies in bed, watching TV or on phone all day. Gets up to snack and then lies back down. Bored.

Sagittarius: So bored that they get so invested in their shows that they finish a whole season in a day. Eats a bunch of sweet stuff.

Capricorn: Forces self to get up and do the stuff they need to do. Pushes self through it. Indulges on sugar they shouldn’t have, but that’s because they need something to help them get through the low.

Aquarius: Complains and annoys others. Sits, eats, watches, reads. Swimming in chocolate, ice cream, and self-pity.

Pisces: Gets depressed. Can do nothing but lie in bed all day, reading, watching their shows, eating, and napping.

29514) Anything that was once good has been ruined. I will amount to nothing because I am nothing. I can achieve nothing because I have no motivation and I have motivation because there’s no one to notice what I have done. I am alone with myself and with myself I will be. I want more than my exterior, I want to live and breath a life full of joy. I’m screaming help but it comes out only as a whisper.

J-netz Twitter Reactions to PCY’s Full Cover of Hyukoh’s ‘위잉위잉’

- Chanyeol’s singing voice is so great WW I wanna cry ~
Recently I can’t live because of Chanyeol –!! Now I can’t give up Twitter because I’m scared I won’t know anything about him. 

- Chanyeol’s song is so good it makes me cry out loud:(( :(( :((  
I want to meet band-man Chanyeol.

- I just listened to the full version of the song that Chanyeol posted on Instagram yesterday!!! I extremely love his voice (tn: the best)!!!! His singing voice is too beautiful, i just wanna cry.

- Chanyeol’s low voice puts me in such a good mood. I just wanted to hear Chanyeol singing, so it makes me really happy that he uploaded the full cover onto Weibo!!!

-  3 minutes 12 seconds ALL CHANYEOL ! 
This Park Chanyeol is so different from EXO CHANYEOL.
This feeling is so great.
‪#‎EXO‬ ‪#‎CHANYEOL‬

- Oh, I’ve really fallen in love with Chanyeol’s voice!!!! 
The way he echoes his voice is so good!!! Please let him sing more!!!! 

- I believe that Chanyeol will debut solo soon :(( I want to hear his voice singing without rushing. 

- Whenever I listen to Chanyeol’s singing voice, I find my butt and waist really itchy.

- Chanyeol’s singing voice is extremely beautiful (;______;) My heart is still fluttering  :((

- Chanyeol’s singing voice is so so so cool  ( T^T ) Kotoba ni dekinai… (chel’s note: this fan is referring to the short cover Chanyeol did during EXO’s first Japan fanmeeting. We’ve kept the original Japanese because the fan has used it as a pun - it translates to ‘I can’t put it into words…’) I can die now ( T^T )

- Because Chanyeol is updating a lot recently, I can hear his singing voice everyday. I can be healed. 

- I want to hear Chanyeol’s singing voice, let me hear more.

- I won’t upload the full version that Chanyeol post on Weibo today onto Youtube. I just want to save it (smile)

- As expected Chanyeol is a genius.

Cr: 桑梓影有一座山

Translated by Alex

Hetalia characters and (forced) crossdressing
  • Italy:Happy to try anything. He wore dresses for pretty much his entire childhood, so it's a familiar feeling. Plus, he knows he looks adorable.
  • Germany:Very uncomfortable and awkward. Girls' clothing feels fragile and a little too tight, so he feels like he's going to rip it accidentally just by moving. He doesn't think it looks good on his bulky frame.
  • Japan:He's not going to want to wear anything revealing, but dresses or skirts in general wouldn't bother him, and he'd actually be very interested to have his makeup done.
  • America:Embarrassed, trying to get out of it somehow. At the first opportunity he'll take it off.
  • England:He'll struggle and fight against being put in women's clothing, but if you actually get him in them--as long as they're relatively modest and flattering--he'll end up checking himself out in the mirror and enjoying it.
  • France:As likely as not, he's the one dressing everyone else up in drag. His preference is a cute maid dress, but he'll gladly put on anything fashionable as well.
  • China:Maybe kind of pissy about the whole thing, but unless the skirt is super short or something, he mostly really doesn't care.
  • Russia:Super embarrassed, trying to hide or cover himself however he possibly can. (Like how he hid in the sewer in the april fools event.)
  • Canada:Thinks he looks pretty good in a skirt. He's not worried about people seeing him like this since he's mostly invisible anyway.
  • Prussia:Will brag about how awesome he looks even in girly clothes. If anyone else is crossdressing too, he'll also inform them of how much better he pulls it off.
  • Austria:Actually feels totally comfortable in dresses, especially big, full gowns that he can wear a corset and petticoat under.
  • Spain:He's fine as long as it shows off his ass and is something he can dance in. He likes skirts and dresses because they feel so free (especially without underwear under them).
  • Romano:Even though he wore dresses as a child as well, he'll get angry and embarrassed, because let's face it, he hardly needs a reason to be angry and embarrassed.
  • Hungary:Still cross dresses for fun sometimes, and owns some mens clothes and a binder and everything. If France isn't the one putting guys in skirts, it's probably her.

i spin words like spiderwebs around my carcass of a body, because what good is it unloved- and aching. what good am i, pining for a moon that’s lost in outer space. what good are the oceans between us, when neither of knows how to swim; and you aren’t inclined to anyway. what good am i, running around in circles, for you to stop leaving- i flex the muscles of my heart with temporary people; one open heart surgery after the other, just to clean you out // to know you could never leave, and i am just a heavy lung full of salt water // to know my open wounds, are only meant to sting // to not absorb anything- there’s only so much living / aching / paining, and hurting i can take- saying “i have loved you” and hearing nothing back- i am scared of silent deaths- but with you, i’m scared of everything. with ever word i have written, i have meant some of it for you- maybe you don’t see it // i wonder who “you // me” is // i look for false meanings, and stuff flowers in my mouth- don’t you know how wonderful i smell // the taste in my mouth is terrible- at least it looks beautiful // i am hidden. 

opening commissions for minis again! these are small little coloured things, the image above is the full view of them, though the dimensions will vary a bit

☆   info on weebly   ☆   email info / terms   ☆   won’t draw  ☆

☆   feel free to ask about anything you’re curious about
☆   i accept paypal only, and prefer payments sent as £GBP!!!
☆   i require payment in full before i begin working on your request

if you aren’t interested in minis you can check out my other open commission types, and feel free to email me or send me an ask to save a slot! please email me the rest of the details, thank you very much!!!

anonymous asked:

I feel you about the exhaustion after faking confidence - if I have to stand up and talk in front of a group of people my legs are shaking by the time I sit down. Anyways, good luck with the class! Hope it continues to go well for you!

yep, same! my hands shake so badly when i do speeches or presentations that i can’t hold anything at all, plus cold sweats are terrible

A Healthy Marriage (brought to you by Diablo III)
  • Ralph:"Oh, hey. I thought you were writing."
  • Me:"I was. I took a break. ...What are you doing?”
  • Ralph:“I’m playing a demo of this game. It’s pretty fun. It’s randomized, so I never know when I’m going to win a new skill or weapon. It’s basically smashing shit, winning shit, and killing demons.”
  • Me:“What’s it called?”
  • Ralph:“Diablo III. ...You know you can drop in and play with me for a little while and then if you don’t want to keep playing you can just drop out. It’s one of the perks of this game.”
  • Me:“Umm, I won’t mess anything up, will I? You know I’m not very good at video games.”
  • Ralph:“I promise it doesn’t matter, and also it’s a lot more fun with another person. Especially you.”
  • Me:“Aww! You're sweet.” *shrugs and sits down, looking through the characters* “Okay. ...I’m going to be this magician girl.”
  • Ralph:“Nice choice.”
  • Me:“Why is she only wearing a bra and a mini skirt, though?”
  • Ralph:“Don’t feel bad. Look at my guy. He’s just shirtless with a butt flap.”
  • Me:“Okay, since we clearly have the proper outfits for battle, let’s go kill some stuff. It's like my mother always said: if you're going to slaughter demons, do it in the nude."
  • --20 minutes later--
  • Ralph:“You are surprisingly good at this game.”
  • Me:“This is WAY more fun than I thought it would be.”
  • Ralph:“Oh my god! You just won a new wand!”
  • Me:“That’s awesome! When do I win a shirt?”
  • Ralph:“I might be able to give you my magic pants.”
  • Me:“I would take literally any article of clothing.”
  • Ralph:“Let’s try it out. I’ll drop my pants and see what happens.”
  • Me:“Whoa. Some foreplay please. ...Okay, I picked them up, and the screen says I’m wearing them...but I’m still naked.”
  • Ralph:“I guess that’s the ‘magic’ part. Sorry babe.”
  • --one hour later--
  • Me:“I think I just earned the ability to shit tornadoes."
  • Ralph:“I know. It’s great, right?”
  • Me:“It’s incredible.”
  • *Ralph leaves to go to the bathroom and then comes back*
  • Me:“So, while you were gone I edited my avatar's banner thingy.”
  • Ralph:“It looks AMAZING.”
  • Me:“I know. It's lilies and wolves. By the way, yours is just a chicken and some sticks. You may want to change it.”
  • Ralph:“No. ...I picked that.”
  • Me:“Oh. ...Sorry. I love it! Aaaaanyway, I tried to get the ‘artisanal’ style fabric, and it’s locked. So we have to play this for seventeen hours or however long it takes for my banner to look the way I want it.”
  • Ralph:“Welcome to my world.”
  • Me:“Did you say this is the demo version?”
  • Ralph:“Yeah.”
  • Me:“Do you want to go out and get some cheesesteaks and buy the full version?”
  • Ralph:“Is it possible to double marry a person?”

Hey everypony, so I haven’t really posted anything besides sketches. And the reason is that I began ‘donating’ my plasma. Because something in my sister car broke and the cost to repair it, is over 1000. So to help out I began donating my plasma for money. The thing is, only my right arm has a good enough vein. So after my arm is sore for a day. Its painful, and you can’t really move or the needle might move. last year we did this when money was bad. But had to stop when my sister arm couldn’t stop twitching. But here we are again…so I was woundering if I made a comission page showimg my examples. Would anyone be interested. If I could raise 250 or more before the end of the month. It would be amazing. So would anyone be interested in helping me out so I don’t have to do this?

anonymous asked:

i have my concert in 27 days and i have never been to one because my social anxiety has always held me back. do you have any advice for me? i'm excited but really nervous and i don't think i will be able to have a good time without being judged for singing or anything like that..

im sorry that your anxiety has held you back :(( but yay you’re going to do it this time!!!!! trust me when i say that everyone is equally excited and singing their little hearts out. no one will judge you for having the time of your life trust me. i was acting so weird!!! i screamed wtf is a chonce! and people didn’t judge me they laughed with me. its like a little community it is great! please dont be nervous <3 

anonymous asked:

Can u please teach me how to do ur base makeup and what products u use? Ur always looking good and I wanna know ur secret!

** It’s important that you regularly exfoliate and cleanse your skin to get the best results ** I use the Make Up For Ever Ultra HD Foundation. To make it look like “skin” and “natural”, I use my hands to apply it but if I want more coverage, I’ll use a foundation brush. You can also use a damp beauty blender to thin the product out if you ever feel like your application is too heavy. (BTW, there really is no secret to anything that I do, because it’s not at all innovative). 

The key product is the illuminator / highlight on the highest points of the cheekbones, the brow bone, the inner eye, the tip of the nose, and on top of the cupid’s bow. You’ll look healthy and like you actually give a fuck about your skin. 

End of Days Chapter 8

                                   (9 DAYS TO DEPARTURE)

It was finally the weekend, and Jude had slept over at Connor’s. These visits before he was to leave were so beneficial and so destructive. They solidified what they already knew, that both of them were too precious to each other to ever be able to be out of each other’s lives for good. But at the same time, they pushed away the thoughts, and the words that needed to be said, and that needed to be dealt with. These visits kept the looming sadness away, and kept the foreboding depression away.
One might think that the boys would’ve spent this time going on dates and doing special things. But they really had no want to do anything other than lay in bed with each other, watch movies, play video games, and talk all day. Occasionally, they took walks, zoning out, not heading anywhere in particular, just in circles around the neighborhood. These talks were the ones they liked the best.
“So what is your mom like?” Jude asked.
“I don’t know, blonde. Loud. Ditzy. I guess.” Connor kicked a small rock from the sidewalk.
“Is that where you get it?” Connor lightly shoved the boy.
“Probably. She’s like the opposite of my dad. She’s always been the pushover.”
“Does she know about us?” Jude realized he’d never asked Connor if he or his dad ever told her.
“Oh yeah. My dad told her when he called to let her know that I wanted to come live with her. Of course she wanted to know why, so yeah.”
“Oh… What did she say?” A little concern on Jude’s face.
“She was totally cool, she told me as long as I was happy, she was happy. She totally wants to meet you though. She pretty much grilled me and played 1000 questions to make sure I didn’t get some delinquent as a boyfriend.” They giggled.
Jude blushed a little at this concept. Meeting the parents. This was uncharted territory.
“Well that’s good. Maybe she’ll let you have other hobbies besides baseball now.”
“Right? Huh. That’s a good idea. I really don’t know what I’d do to be honest.” He looked up at the sky.
“Maybe you can take up taxidermy.” This was the weirdness that Connor liked so much.
“That sounds good, the smell will remind me of you.” Connor said sarcastically, making a smooching face at Jude afterward. Jude instinctively leaned in and smooched back.
They walked a while longer in silence, just enjoying each other’s presence.
“Hey, you aren’t leaving because of anything I did right? ‘Cause you know if I bother you, or like, pressure you into doing stuff you don’t wanna do all you have to do is tell me and I’ll stop.”
The sudden and somewhat random question caught Connor off guard.
“Wha-wait, what? N-no of course not!”
“Are you sure? Because I know I can be needy sometimes, and I take things really seriously a lot of the time and I’m kinda out of the loop and a lot of the time you ditch you friends for me an-“
Jude didn’t know this, but the phenomena spewing from his mouth is what one might call ‘word vomit’.
“No! Not at all! Are you kidding? If I wanted to spend time with someone else I’d just tell you. And I like it when you need me. It makes me feel like I’m as important to you as you are to me, ya know? Trust me, if it would be easy, I’d stay right here.”
These feelings were new to Jude. Insecurity.
“I’m sorry. I just get really nervous about that sometimes.” He mumbled.
He hugged Jude. And while the reassurance was nice, and it staved the wolves off for now, Jude knew these feelings weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.
Connor walked Jude home, and they said their goodbyes.
Jude walked into his house, shut the door, and leaned against it. He exhaled the stress.
“Hey love, everything okay?” Stef asked.
“Yeah, just tired. Connor kept me up late.”
“Oh, okay. Dinner should be ready soon, so don’t fall asleep!” she gave Jude a quick pat on the shoulder and he went to his room. Dinner was quiet, save for a few questions here and there about how Connor was doing.
Even though Jude was trying to get back to his room as quick as possible, the part about him being tired wasn’t a lie. He threw off his clothes and got into bed, pulling a pillow to his front to hug it. He mulled over the conversations of the day, trying to assess the sincerity in Connor’s reassurance that his leaving had nothing to do with Jude. Jude believed him, but the thoughts kept away by the constant presence of his boyfriend had finally come for him.
“How could he do this to me? How important could I really be to him if he’s able to leave so fucking easily?!” He thought to himself, clutching the pillow even tighter.
His eyes began to flood with tears again.
“Did I not make how special he was to me clear enough? Is it because I wouldn’t…do stuff with him? Is it because I wasn’t ready to do that sort of thing yet?!” Jude at this point was so shaken up, that he couldn’t even bring himself to hear the selfishness in this thoughts. And even though they were selfish, were they really that unrealistic? Jude had told him the night before that he wasn’t quite ready to do sexual stuff together just yet, and Connor seemed totally fine and content with just kissing and the usual stuff they did. But was he just being the good guy? Did Connor want someone who moved a little faster than Jude?
Jude quietly sobbed, attempting so hard to burn out the insecurities and just the overall overwhelming sadness. The tears ran down the side of his face, littering the the sheets beneath his head with little dark wet spots. He curled up into a ball. Maybe if he held himself together tight enough, this sickening feeling that everything was falling apart at the fucking seams wouldn’t be able to break him.
He began to calm down, the occasional hiccup here and there still hitching his breath.
“I’m such a child. I can’t even stop thinking about myself long enough to realize that Connor needs to be safe and taken care of.” Jude had nearly made himself sick. But he needed this. He needed to cry a little bit. So maybe, just maybe for a little while, he could be selfish.

Connor had been thinking about Jude’s question ever since he had asked it.
“Did he really think that I was leaving because of him?” He felt so guilty. Jude meant everything to him, and for Jude to think anything less than that hurt…a lot.
“You okay over there?” Adam asked from across the dinner table. Connor hadn’t been able to take a single bite, instead spent the time just pushing his food around with his fork.
Connor snapped out of his daze.
“Yeah, I think…Hey dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think I’m…um..selfish for leaving Jude here?”
“Well, son, I think that Jude cares a whole awful lot about you and anyone can see that. And since he does, I know he understands that sometimes you’re gonna have to do what’s best for you. And I’m pretty sure he’d only want you to be happy.”
Connor was a bit taken aback, this was probably the most positive words in one whole conversation he’d said about Jude.
“You’re right I guess.”
“And Connor…I’m really sorry that you feel like you have to leave, I’m trying and trying and I’m really sorry that I can’t be the parent you need me to be right now. But while you’re away don’t ever stop thinking that I’m going to keep trying to be better with this. I really have nothing against Jude, and he’s a nice kid. Maybe here soon, you could come back for a while, and test the waters a bit, and maybe I’ll be ready to finally be, ya know, a good dad to you.” Adam’s voice choked a bit at the end, the words becoming a bit hoarse.
Was Connor dreaming? His alpha masculine dad was…on the verge of crying? He knew his dad was sincerely trying to comfort him, but his guilt that he made his own dad feel like he wasn’t good enough for him almost choked a few tears out of himself.
“D-dad, you are good, I can tell you’re trying, but for right now you need to figure some stuff out too. I still love you. I’m only going to be away for a little while hopefully, its all good.” Trying to lighten the mood. The father and son ate the rest of dinner in comfortable silence.

anonymous asked:

Option on Essenas new video?? She's on a freaking yacht what the hell how is this doing anything good for humanity she is down to the same level as jay and alexis

Essena met Lex thru our event here in Thailand. Lex and his wife Kristin live in LA and invited Essena out for a boat trip. Why not? Looked like a great day for it and Essena did a great job of showcasing some vegan nosh.

Sure she is copying Jay’s style vids but that is a popular trend at the moment and I think a good way to reach the mainstream kids.

Jay & Alexis stand for fuck all and have ZERO message other than excessive consumerism and fake pretentious bullshit.

Even though Essena copies the lighting and edit effects(everyone copies everyone anyway), you can’t put her in the same boat as J&A if you think about it.

I remember in NYC a few years back cruzing around in a lambo and handing out bananas to teens after school. If we turned up on our bicycles they would have thrown the bananas back at us when we turned around. 99.9% of the human population is extremely materialistic and using material items to show case a more eco lifestyle might sound hypocritical but I think it is a very effective sugar pill noobs can swallow.

Done.

Rachel: Where did you hide my caffiene…
Reina: Look at you, you’ve got bags under your eyes. You need SLEEP not caffeine.
Cyn: Totally not trying to watch a movie here guys.. just keep starting shit, it’s cool.


Enjoying this soft-shading thing. Going to keep at it, and strive to improve.
Couldn’t come up with anything good for the background at the moment. But might add one in later, so keep an eye out for that.

I quite enjoy the poses of the characters, it was a good exercise of posing.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

10

Making our way back to the hall, I spot my brother at the bar with a bottle of the finest in his hand. As we get closer, I notice his with Durain. This can’t be good. “What’s going on?” I lean to the bar next to the pair, raising an eyebrow on the beer in his hand. Doran half laughs “Well, it started out with the dwarf thinking Elvish beer tastes like goblin piss, and ended in some kind of a drinking tournament?” Durain turns around to face me “Hey, if you gonna serve me piss, at least serve it cold. And no worries, I think he’s doing well for an elf.” My brother’s had way too much to drink already, eyes not focusing to anything around him. But I can’t help but to smile, seeing him so free and happy.

“You think it’s wise to get wasted tonight? You’ll still have to go through tomorrow.” I can’t tell if Velatriel is being serious, or just teasing. I flinch at the sound of Bull talking. I swear, Ive never heard a voice so low. “Is it the fun police?” “Oh no, big guy. In fact, share some of that goblin piss, would ya?